Despite my ranting from the last chapter, I am desperately trying to pinpoint the difference between the Miyuverse and the Kaleidverse. And as far as I can tell, the Miyuverse is an alternate universe to the Kaleidverse, which is in turn an alternate universe to the regular Fateverse. This is one of those times when I hate TYPE-MOON. Also, despite the same rant, I am including Miyuverse and Kaleidverse Shirous in this chapter, because the more Shirous the merrier!

Requested by: DigiXBot

Current Client: Shirou: The Showdown

Irisviel: I CANNOT believe the footage coming in over my security cameras right now. It's like the Attack of the Clones. Time to test that secret underground bunker. Goodbye, world.

*door explodes under the impact of multiple Unlimited Blade Works*

Irisviel:...

Irisviel: Or not.

Shirou Emiya: MOM! You have to help me out! I have... clones!

Irisviel: Mother's noticed, dear.

EMIYA: It's time we got all this nonsense sorted out once and for all. Right, assorted Shirous and Emiyas, let's lay it down nice and simple.

Shirou Kotomine: Why do I have to do this again?

Irisviel: Sh-should I be taking notes?

EMIYA: Hey, Hero of Justice, you're up first.

Shirou Emiya: Ah, but you already know –

EMIYA: *cracks knuckles*

Shirou Emiya: I'm the original Shirou Emiya, the Master of Saber in the Fifth Holy Grail War; I'm seventeen years old, Kiritsugu is my adopted dad, I go to Homurahara Academy with Rin Tohsaka and Sakura Matou, my adopted sis-

Shirou Kotomine: Oh my Grail, somebody shut him up.

Angra Mainyu: How 'bout I kill him?

EMIYA: Attractive as that prospect is, that's not the proper solution to our problems.

Angra Mainyu: How 'bout... I help you kill him?

Miyuverse Shirou Emiya: No one is killing anyone else!

Irisviel: I know all that already. I'm his mother, you know. Yes, you really do know. I'm rather peeved to find he went and got tattoos though... *looks at Angra Mainyu*

EMIYA: You've seen me before. I'm the cool, handsome, powerful version of Shirou, his adult self from an alternate universe. Or timeline. One of those.

Irisviel: And the complaining one. Got it. Let me take a snapshot of you. *camera flashes*

EMIYA: *shies back* What are you doing, witch!?

Irisviel: Oh, camera-shy, are we? It's for the memories – I mean for reference.

EMIYA: If you are thinking of giving it to that harem –

Shirou Emiya: Come on, guys, you promised you'd stop calling them that!

Shirou Kotomine: I don't even know what you're talking about.

Irisviel: Ah, next, please?

Kaleidverse Shirou Emiya: I'm almost the same as your son, just cuter and more clueless and more unfortunate.

Irisviel: That's possible?

EMIYA: You forgot dumber.

Miyuverse Shirou Emiya: You think everyone's dumb.

EMIYA: Well, compared to me, yeah.

Shirou Kotomine: I see you conveniently chose to ignore me sitting pretty on six Servants over here. I don't see anyone else with that sort of accomplishments to their name.

Miyuverse Shirou Emiya: Excuse me? You lost the war.

Shirou Emiya: Doesn't everyone? I mean, it always ends with everything blowing up and whatnot...

EMIYA: What do you know!?

Irisviel: NEXT!

Miyuverse Shirou Emiya: So, I'm like Kaleid over here, but actually cool. I mean, I actually DO stuff.

Kaleidverse Shirou Emiya: Hey! I'm cool!

Miyuverse Shirou Emiya: You don't even know what magic is! And I'm actually cool around the girls!

Kaleidverse Shirou: It's hard being the only guy in the house, okay! I try! And I just have a lot of accidents around the girls! I just want everyone to be happy!

Shirou Emiya: Oh, no, dude, I tried that. You better not.

Kaleidverse Shirou Emiya: And anyway, didn't you get yourself captured!? How lame is that!?

Miyuverse Shirou Emiya: It's a Holy Grail War! Bad stuff happens!

Angra Mainyu: I'm the bad stuff.

Irisviel: Yes, these photos are definitely not for the memories. Mr. Age Inertia, you're up.

Shirou Kotomine: Don't – oh, never mind. Let's just get this over with. My full name is Shirou Tokisada Amakusa. I later got the surname Kotomine when Risei Kotomine adopted me. I am of NO RELATION to all these idiots. I just happen to have the same name.

EMIYA: And the same color scheme.

Shirou Kotomine: Ye-es. That. Hmm. I just have dark skin from spending many years in the Middle East –

Shirou Emiya and EMIYA: So did I.

Everyone:...

Shirou Emiya: Well, at some point, after the war... I'll just be quiet now.

Shirou Kotomine: ANYWAY, is all that clear?

Irisviel: Yes, more or less...

Angra Mainyu: And I am the physical manifestation of All the World's Evil.

Irisviel: Not you! You possessed me and made me freak my hubby out!

Angra Mainyu: Well, gee, you were my vessel, but you'd gone and gotten yourself killed, so I had to get somebody to claim the Grail somehow.

Shirou Kotomine: Yeah. My brother did.

Irisviel: And boooy, do I have a bone to pick with you. But that can wait till later, when we're alone. It's not proper for others to hear a lady raise her voice.

EMIYA: Then don't.

Irisviel: *snaps a photo of EMIYA*

EMIYA: Aaargh!

Angra Mainyu: Hellooo? Back to me?

Irisviel: Yes, you haven't explained why you look like my son turned yakuza.

Angra Mainyu: I'm just borrowing his form. It's easy to work from. And that, incidentally, makes me part of the Shirou pack.

Shirou Emiya: Shirou pack – !?

Irisviel: So, I think I have it straight now. Shirou Emiya is the only normal one –

Shirou Kotomine: *scoffs*

Irisviel: EMIYA is his evil adult counterpart –

EMIYA: Hey! I'm not evil! Just because I'm not a starry-eyed idealist like –

Angra Mainyu: Ah, they grow up so fast.

Irisviel: Kaleidverse Shirou actually lives with his sister –

Kaleidverse Shirou Emiya: Oh, somebody appreciates me.

Irisviel: Miyuverse Shirou is like Kaleidverse Shirou, just with a different sister –

Miyuverse Shirou Emiya: And she doesn't go off about mechas all the time.

Kaleidverse Shirou Emiya: Excuse me? My little sister's perfect.

Irisviel: Yes, we are all aware of the marvelous job I did raising her. Shirou Kotomine is a Shirou in name only; like, literally in name only –

EMIYA: And in color scheme!

Shirou Kotomine: I hate you.

Irisviel: And Angry Mana –

All the Shirous: ANGRA MAINYU.

Irisviel:...

Irisviel: Yes. Thank you. ANGRA MAINYU is my son's evil twin.

Angra Mainyu: *smiles*

Angra Mainyu: *still smiling* I'm going to kill her.

Irisviel: Well, thank you, boys, for taking the time off to explain all this to me. Everything is starting to make sense at last. Now, if you will excuse me, I would like to study my notes a while. Though won't you join me for a cup of coffee before you leave?

Kaleidverse Shirou Emiya: Illya won't let me drink coffee.

Miyuverse Shirou Emiya: *snorts*

Shirou Kotomine: Hey, wait, if this was supposed to be a meeting of all the Shirous and Emiyas, how come the Kiritsugus didn't come? They're Emiyas.

Irisviel: *spits out coffee* The Kiritsugus!?

EMIYA: Oh, you haven't heard? He's a Servant now.

Irisviel: But – but –

Angra Mainyu: And guess who else is here?

Angra Mainyu: *whispers* Dark Iri.

Irisviel: *faints*