Merry Christmas, little people!
Prepare for the rise of the Yggdmillennia Clan!
Requested by: KnightSpark
Current Client: Darnic Prestone Yggdmillennia
Irisviel: Is he a vampire or something?
Darnic: You! Homunculus!
Irisviel: *sigh* Well, it's better than meat doll.
Darnic: You're not one of ours, are you? You don't have that blank staring face like the others. I believe you are actually intelligent for your kind.
Irisviel: The return of chivalry is long in coming, I see.
Darnic: Listen to me. I need you to beat some sense into my Servant.
Irisviel: And the reason you can't do it yourself is because... ?
Darnic: He will not listen to me, obviously. It is disgraceful for a Servant to refuse to use his Noble Phantasm, especially when his own Master desires it.
Irisviel: What is so distasteful about his Noble Phantasm?
Darnic: It turns him into a vampire.
Irisviel: Wait, you're not the vampire?
Darnic: Do I look like a vampire to you?
Irisviel: Well, yes, actually.
Darnic: ...
Irisviel: I've... been watching anime.
Darnic: Back to me...
Irisviel: Yes, you. How could I have forgotten Supreme Lord Vampire?
Darnic: My Servant, while technically not a vampire inherently, can turn into one with his Noble Phantasm, according to his legends. He is perfectly aware of that, but he dislikes his popular characterization and as such is impossible to work with.
Irisviel: Oh, yeah? And who is your Servant? Dracula?
Darnic: In a manner of speaking.
Irisviel: Oh.
Darnic: He is Vlad the Impaler, the inspiration of the Dracula legends. He is a legend, whether he likes it or not.
Irisviel: Now, now, Dracula may actually have been inspired by this dwarf-zombie-vampire thing from Irish mythology. We mustn't rule out that possibility.
Darnic: What does that have to do with anything? HE TURNS INTO A VAMPIRE. END. OF. STORY.
Irisviel: Well, for flip's sake, he's your Servant! He's got to do what you say!
Darnic: That's the point! He won't!
Irisviel: Use a Command Seal!
Darnic: I can't just use a Command Seal every frickin' time I want to use it! I'd run out in a week! I NEED SOLUTIONS HERE!
Irisviel: I'M JUST TELLING YOU HOW IT IS! IT'S NOT MY FAULT! GET RULER TO SMACK HIM IN LINE!
Darnic: SHE – WON'T!
Irisviel: Boy, people sure do hate you, don't they? Nobody'll do what you say.
Darnic. Fine. Fine! I'll figure it out on my own. I'll get the help of someone who'll ACTUALLY do as I say and Lancer is turning into a vampire! See if he doesn't!
Irisviel: I'm not stopping you! I never said you couldn't!
Darnic: Goodbye!
Irisviel: Bye! I don't care! Go pal it up with Dracula!
Irisviel: Oo, some days this job of mine...
I've always wanted to see Darnic get into a screaming match... I haven't watched Owari no Seraph, but I've seen pictures, and the vampires' uniforms look veeery similar to the Yggdmillenia Clan's uniforms. It doesn't help that Darnic is essentially a soul-sucking immortal.