Requested by: LyraMelody
Current Client: Billy the Kid
Billy: Stick 'em up!
Irisviel: *blinks*
Billy: Why does that never work?
Irisviel: Hello, violent lost child.
Billy: Look, you're the one pulling the strings of this whole Fate thing, right?
Irisviel: Ah, no –
Billy: Good. *puts his foot on the desk* I need something, and you've got it.
Irisviel: This isn't a bank, if that's what you're thinking.
Billy: Ah ha ha, no, that's not what I want. I have a name to make for myself, but that's not going to happen if TYPE-MOON's going to be so stubborn.
Irisviel: About what?
Billy: About keeping me in the wings, that's what! What's a kid gotta do to get out in the world these days, huh!? The fans want me; you know they do! And you gotta give the fans what they want!
Irisviel: Ah, you're so certain they want you?
Billy: Well, duh! Look at me! I'm adorable! I'm blond! I wield dual guns! What's not to love!?
Irisviel: Your attitude?
Billy: We all know the fans are itching for a Fate tale with the slickest Archer alive, the fastest guns and dreamiest eyes in the West! The –
Irisviel: If you call yourself 'the highest-ridin'est, rootin'est tootin'est cowboy of all time', I'm feeding you through my paper shredder.
Billy: The Juvenile Rascal King!
Irisviel: Bleeding Demon Pillars.
Billy: So how about sending out a little casting call? Hmm?
Irisviel: Do – do I look like a director to you? I'll see if I can get you in touch with somebody, but I can't guarantee anything.
Billy: There's a way to do that.
Irisviel: Dare I ask?
Billy: Yep. *pulls out his guns* People just can't say no to my girls.
Irisviel: *whacks him over the head with her printer*
Irisviel: Hello? CHALDEA? You're the closest we've got to law enforcement here. I've just apprehended Billy the Kid. Please come by the Complaints Receiving Center to pick him up. Thank you.