Guiseppe: I already said no... creepy how people keep asking for Miyuverse Shirou and Angra Mainyu at the same time... unless it's the same person every time.

What's also creepy is how two completely different people commented on Galahad going crazy with almost the exact same wording.

Thanks to TimeDiver for pointing out a canonical error (as much as the Complaints Receiving Center can follow canon), so that has been taken care of.

Requested by: Volfy790

Current Client: Arthur Pendragon (Prototype)

Irisviel: What am I doing with my life these days –

*door bangs open*

Irisviel: Knock, you savages.

Arthur: *slams door shut behind him* I'm sorry, my lady. I am in... a bit of a rush.

Irisviel: Saber? Is that you? Why is your voice so... manly?

Arthur: Ah, yes, I am Saber, though I do not believe you and I have met.

Irisviel: You seem... different.

Arthur: I'm afraid I cannot help you there, my lady.

Irisviel: Saber? Are you... a guy?

Arthur: Uh, yes. I wasn't aware my appearance was cause for confusion –

Irisviel: You know what, I'm not even going to question it. A rush, you say? Who's chasing you?

Arthur: …Girls.

Irisviel: *sighs*

Arthur: No, no, it's not like that! I don't have a harem or anything!

Irisviel: Why did you automatically assume I thought you had a harem?

Arthur: I don't!

Irisviel: Never said you did.

Arthur: Please listen to me. I fear my very existence is in danger, or at least my sanity.

Irisviel: Welcome to the club.

Arthur: I am thankful my wife Guinevere is not of this sort, but I seem to have the misfortune of attracting women of... unstable natures.

Irisviel: …

Arthur: Ah, not that I am calling you unstable...

Irisviel: Yes, yes, tell me about these female fiends.

Arthur: Please note that I am not trying to slander their characters or otherwise belittle them. I am concerned for them for their own sakes, and truly believe they need help.

Irisviel: Noted.

Arthur: Thank you. Ah, first, there is my master, Lady Sajyou. She is a sweet girl, some of the time, but prone to commiting more questionable acts, such as sacrificing her younger sister to the Grail...

Irisviel: That's a good deal more than just 'questionable'.

Arthur: What I cannot comprehend is how she acts perfectly innocent and adorable around me, as though I cannot see what she does on her own. And I think she knows that I know. What is she hoping to accomplish here?

Irisviel: Have you considered the possibility that she is completely out of her mind?

Arthur: And then there is my daughter, Mordred.

Irisviel: Eep!

Arthur: Are you all right?

Irisviel: Nothing.

Arthur: As you wish. Well, Mordred is not exactly my daughter. I still am her father of a sort... she is from an alternate reality to my timeline. She is essentially the same as my son, but a daughter. If that makes sense.

Irisviel: Not really, but go on.

Arthur: You see, Mordred is something of a problem child. Her birth to her own parents was... something of an accident. I don't hate her, certainly; in fact she and I get along quite well, though she has butted heads with my own son, Mordred.

Irisviel: I thought she was Mordred.

Arthur: They're both named Mordred. I told you, they're the same person. In a way.

Irisviel: I suppose sort of like you and Arturia...

Arthur: At any rate, Mordred -

Irisviel: Which Mordred?

Arthur: The girl.

Irisviel: Ah.

Arthur: Mordred has... issues. With her own father. Er, mother. It's complicated. I think she's trying to make herself hate him - ah, her.

Irisviel: Well, that's certainly very sad, but I don't see what it has to do with you.

Arthur: If she is my son - daughter - from an alternate world, then her father-mother is also me, of a sort. And I certainly don't want her to hate me.

Irisviel: But she doesn't. It's her own father.

Arthur: Who is still me.

Irisviel: ...

Irisviel: You know what, I don't know. I'll have to think on that one.

Arthur: And let's not even get started on my sister...

Irisviel: Oh, no, please, go right ahead. That's what this place is for.

Arthur: I do not wish to trouble you.

Irisviel: That's my job, o King Britannia. Everybody dumps their troubles on me. Even if I can't solve your problems, at least you get to rant.

Arthur: I don't like this... I have to be a righteous king at all times, but do you know how difficult it is to constantly have to suppress your own humanity?

Irisviel: No. No, I don't.

Arthur: I just – need a place to escape from these terrifying women for a spell.

Irisviel: Hey.

Irisviel: *leans close*

Irisviel: I've an extra futon and a bag of chocolate under the desk. You stay as long as you like.

Arthur: Th-thank you, noble lady.

Irisviel: 'Noble lady'... I could get used to that.