Requested by: Midnight49

Current Client: Sasaki Kojiro

Sasaki: *bows* May I enter, my lady.

Irisviel: May do. I mean, yes.

Sasaki: You are an Einzburn homunculus, correct?

Irisviel: What be it to you? I mean, what's it to you? Man, look how you've got me talking.

Sasaki: Nothing. It is just... odd. Um. Not to be rude...

Irisviel: You haven't been. Don't worry.

Sasaki: I'm. So. BORED.

Irisviel: A luxury few may experience in these dark and weird times.

Sasaki: I know it is not fitting to complain of mere boredom when heroes greater than I are bleeding and dying on the field of combat, but DANG IT could something at least HAPPEN at Ryuudou Temple!?

Irisviel: I don't know. Could it?

Sasaki: Is that vixen going to have me on sentry duty for the entirety of the war!? Is this what I have honed my blade my whole life for!? I'm lucky if I get one lousy duel in the span of a week! It's at the point where I deliberately forsook my duty and let an enemy Servant onto the grounds just for the sake of SOMETHING going on in my general vicinity! And to maybe teach that Master of mine not to take me for granted.

Irisviel: I can't believe I'm saying this, but if she – I assume it's a she, if the 'vixen' is anything to go by – if she hasn't used a Command Seal to force you to be the door guard, then there shouldn't be anything stopping you from ditching the place and getting a little more up close and personal with the rest of the combatants.

Sasaki: Don't think I haven't tried. But lucky me, it is physically impossible for me to stir a step beyond the temple gates.

Irisviel: So she did use a Command Seal, then?

Sasaki: She may have well as. It is only the reservoir of mana she has created beneath the temple that grants me my physical form. Once I am beyond its bounds, my connection to it will shut off and I am sunk, so to speak.

Irisviel: That's... that's not how that's supposed to work.

Sasaki: *violently gestures to himself* I'm not supposed to work within the Holy Grail system, and yet here I am.

Irisviel: She can't just send mana your way like good vibes? Like a normal Master?

Sasaki: You tell me what's normal about a Servant summoning her own Servant.

Irisviel: Ah... it's no worse than an Einzburn homunculus summoning her own Servant?

Sasaki: Is it?

Irisviel: You tell me.

Sasaki: I highly doubt she truly needs me. The magical defenses she is capable of putting in place on her own are more than sufficient to guard her headquarters. I shouldn't have to be put to this meaningless tripe. The view from the top of the steps is charming, to be sure, but there's only so many swallows one can cut down before one starts to yearn for more engaging opponents.

Irisviel: Why are you attacking birds?

Sasaki: I should have been summoned by a proper Master, one who would actually utilize me in battle. I should have dueled every Servant in the war by this point, but no, Caster just has to go and break the rules.

Irisviel: Rules are there to be broken.

Sasaki: That's not the point of rules!

Irisviel: I don't see any temple gate here, do you? Clearly rule-breaking has been... um... rule-broke. Dang. Gotta work on it.

Sasaki: Actually the gate's right outside. I brought him with me.

Irisviel: You WHAT!?

Sasaki: Turns out the gate alone is a fairly effective mana storage unit. I just asked Issei to find me a truck and here I am. Bit cumbersome getting around, but I'm working on it. And we're really bonding on the way.

Irisviel: Who? Issei?

Sasaki: No, the gate.

Irisviel: I think... your days of confinement have somewhat affected you in the head.

Sasaki: But obviously his mana's going to run out eventually and we'll have to return to the temple. It's a start, but not a working solution yet. I'd really like it if you could get back to me with a way we can leave the temple for good. He deserves better than Caster.

Irisviel: Okay, one moment you're complaining that you don't see enough action in the war, and the next you're trying to elope with a temple gate. Someone here is confused and I think it's the both of us.

Sasaki: Do keep in touch. I'll be back later. Now, I have a date with a gate.

Irisviel: …

Irisviel: And here I thought the last lady was crazy for wanting to marry her fiance's Servant. Love isn't always blind, but sometimes it should be.