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Things with Potter were getting worse, but now Weasley and Granger were also in on it. Whatever she'd been hiding from them, they'd either found out on their own and confronted her about it, or she'd finally told them about it herself, but now all three of them were behaving strangely.
Something was wrong with Potter's scar as well. She was trying to be surreptitious about it, but Severus had seen her wincing and rubbing it more than once. He'd asked Dumbledore about the scar, but as expected, he'd been told little to nothing about it. He'd also asked the Dark Lord, but he'd brushed it off, saying Potter must have headaches or the like.
It was difficult to say if they were genuinely unconcerned about Potter's scar, or if they truly didn't know there was a problem. Yet all this did was push Severus further away from both sides.
He knew he was going to have to make a decision at some point. He knew if he didn't do it first, a decision would be forced on him, and he knew he didn't want to risk that. But he still didn't make a move. He didn't want to help either side. Frankly, he would have been fine to leave the war entirely and go elsewhere. But he couldn't.
He had a duty towards Potter, for more than one reason. He couldn't afford to fail.
The weeks passed slowly and Severus found his attention consistently drawn to Potter. He kept trying to force that attention away, to focus on something else, but it never lasted. He had to keep some distance between them. For her safety. But then he was told to teach her occlumency.
Severus wanted to curse.
"I refuse."
"I'm afraid you don't have a choice, Severus," said Dumbledore solemnly. "Voldemort has become aware of the connection between his and Violet's minds and has begun using it to his advantage. If this continues, I have no doubt he will lure her into a trap."
"You're a master occlumens as well, no?" asked Severus, though it wasn't much of a question. "Why can you not teach her yourself?"
Dumbledore shook his head. "There is a reason I have been avoiding Violet this year."
Severus frowned. That didn't answer his question. He rubbed the bridge of his nose, already feeling a headache growing. "How do you propose I teach her?"
"Do whatever you see fit," said Dumbledore.
"...Very well." Frustrated by Dumbledore's unhelpfulness, Severus left the round office, his frown deepening. He'd been hoping to put more distance between him and Potter, but now he had to not only be alone with her more often but get inside her head as well.
It was only Christmas. How much worse was this year going to get?
Potter looked about as unhappy as Severus felt when she entered the potions classroom two days later. And that unhappiness grew worse when he told her why she had to be here.
"Occlumency?" she repeated. Her eyes widened. "S-so, you're saying you're going to get inside my head? What if I don't want you in there?"
"Unfortunately for the both of us, you have no choice in the matter, Potter," he said curtly. "You either tolerate having me enter your mind to teach you how to block that very thing, or you continue putting up with the Dark Lord entering your mind whenever he pleases."
Potter only glowered at his words. He couldn't fault her for being upset. He despised people, particularly those he hated, going through his mind as well.
"If you do not want me in your mind, push me out," said Severus. "The faster you learn, the faster these lessons will end."
Potter made a sound of frustration. "Fine. What do I have to do?"
"Clear your mind."
"How?"
"Stop thinking."
Potter looked like she had to make a conscious effort to stop herself from rolling her eyes. "Well, that's impossible. Anything else I can do instead?"
She was being quite rude. Severus was almost proud. The wide-eyed Potter who'd arrived at the castle for her first year would never have dared to speak like this, even to her most hated professor.
"Do you meditate, Potter?"
She raised a brow, no doubt forcing back a snarky response. Christmas break or not, he still had the power to remove points and assign her detention, and he knew she was well aware of it. "No," she replied.
"Do you know how to meditate?"
She shrugged. "Not really."
Since Potter was already seated, Severus decided to lower himself to her level (literally) and sat down across the desk. "Do you find it easier to focus on one thing instead of nothing at all?" he asked.
"I guess so?"
Her vague and curt responses were a little irritating, but Severus knew he had to keep the peace. He was the adult here. He was the professor as well. And as frustrating as this entire thing was, it was happening for a good reason. This would keep her safe.
That alone was reason enough to do it.
"Then we will go with that," said Severus. "Choose an object-any static object, and focus on it. Imagine what it looks like, imagine how it would feel if you were able to hold it, how it would smell if it has a scent, how it would taste if it has a taste. You may close your eyes if it helps you focus."
Potter shot him a hesitant look, but she did indeed close her eyes. He was a little surprised. Perhaps her distrust for him didn't go as deep as he'd thought it did.
Since her eyes were shut, he took a moment to regard her. She still looked pale, and the shadows under her eyes had grown darker. Dumbledore had told him the Dark Lord was interfering in her sleep but was that truly the only problem she was facing?
Hadn't McGonagall mentioned something about detentions? That was it. Potter had been getting almost non-stop detentions with Umbridge, hadn't she?
McGonagall had mentioned that she'd spoken to Potter and told her to keep her head down, but it appeared Potter had decided to ignore the advice and had landed herself in another month of detentions.
"Okay," said Potter after a few minutes. "I think I've got it." She opened her eyes. "What next?"
"Next, I will enter your mind using legilimency, the counterpart to occlumency," Severus explained. "You are to think of nothing other than the object you chose. If you think of anything else, the thought or memory will move to the forefront of your mind and I will be able to see it."
Potter frowned. "So, if I think about this object instead, it means I'm not thinking about anything else, and that means you won't be able to see anything other than the object?"
"Yes."
"How's that going to help when I'm sleeping though?" asked Potter. "I can't actively focus on something if I'm asleep."
"We will get to that," said Severus. "First, let us see if you are capable of blocking me while fully conscious."
"...Fine. Go ahead, then I guess. Sir."
Yes, if he wasn't the one she was speaking to right now, he certainly would have been quite proud of her growth into cynicism. "Are you prepared?"
"Yeah."
"Then stand before me." He stood as well, and once Potter was on her feet across the desk, raised his wand. "Focus, Potter. Legilimens!"
The first thing Severus saw when he slipped into Potter's mind was the golden snitch. He wasn't surprised that was the object she'd chosen to focus on. It hovered somewhere ahead of him, just out of reach.
He moved towards the snitch, but as he did, it disappeared for just an instant, allowing him to see something. The image he saw was just a brief flicker, and he saw the phrase 'I must not tell lies' written on parchment in red ink. But the snitch was back before he could look closer.
Slipping back out of Potter's mind, he regarded her closely as she reeled back a little and grimaced. "I must not tell lies?"
"The lines Umbridge makes me write in detention," Potter replied in a mutter, not making eye contact.
"And what exactly have you been lying about?"
"...Voldemort's existence."
Severus didn't say anything to that. He shouldn't have been surprised either. He sighed inwardly. "Again."
Occlumency lessons were not something Severus was enjoying, especially since it meant he now had to spend more time with Potter instead of less.
There was a part of him that wanted to tell Dumbledore that Potter was his soulmate in the hopes that he would then be forced away from her. But he had a feeling the exact opposite would happen. Dumbledore was strange that way.
He had his own plans in motion, just as the Dark Lord did and Severus was merely a pawn on the board, as Potter was.
The only good thing about the entire situation was that Potter was making astounding progress. He was able to teach her more every week or two, and she typically got the hang of it by the next lesson.
But while it was good, it was also a little concerning. He'd never seen Potter try so hard to learn something before. Was she that desperate to keep others out of her mind? What was she hiding in there that she was willing to put in this much work (and put up with him) if it meant keeping him and others out?
Severus didn't get an answer, but he wasn't sure he needed one. Regardless of what they had between them (something he still hadn't told her about, and something he had no plans to tell her about), he never should have been put in the position of having to enter her mind, in the first place.
But as he watched Potter, Granger, and Weasley whispering with their heads together, he decided it was still better than the girl not learning anything at all.
After all, not only would occlumency keep her mind safe from the Dark Lord, it would keep it safe from Dumbledore as well.
That's it for now. Looking forward to reviews! Laterz!
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