p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;" align="center"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; font-family: 'Arial',sans-serif;"Chapter 2/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; font-family: 'Arial',sans-serif;"Merlin remained in place even after the last of the people gathered in the Citadel had left. He could hear Gaius mumbling something to him, but he couldn't understand what his mentor was saying. He blinked slowly and felt a tear slowly run down his cheek./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; font-family: 'Arial',sans-serif;"'Merlin?' A hand settled on his wrist. /span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; font-family: 'Arial',sans-serif;"Turning slightly, he shook his head at Gaius and cleared his throat. 'Sorry, I was just…' He didn't know how to end that sentence, so he closed his open mouth. Swallowing around a lump in his throat, he brushed the tear away angrily./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; font-family: 'Arial',sans-serif;"'Merlin, I was just going to ask you if you were alright,' Gaius said, his hand still on Merlin's wrist. Could Gaius feel him shaking? Why was he shaking like a leaf?/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; font-family: 'Arial',sans-serif;"'Fine, I'm fine. I had better go and make sure that the King's chambers are all in order.'/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; font-family: 'Arial',sans-serif;"Gaius' fingers tightened around his wrist. 'You can do that tomorrow. It's getting late. I think we ought to return to our chambers.'/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; font-family: 'Arial',sans-serif;"'No, no, it's fine. I don't think I can sleep anyway, so I may as well do something productive. I will try not to wake you if I come back late,' he garbled and pulled away from his mentor's grip. He didn't turn back as he heard Gaius shout his name once more before he rushed up the steps into the palace./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; font-family: 'Arial',sans-serif;"Keeping his head down, Merlin ignored everyone as he made his way to Arthur's chambers. He needed to be on his own, no one could see him like this. But then he heard footsteps running towards him and felt the need to stop moving. /span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; font-family: 'Arial',sans-serif;"'Merlin! I've been shouting you,' Gwaine sounded chirpy, and a hand grabbed his arm. 'I feel like I haven't seen you in ages!'/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; font-family: 'Arial',sans-serif;"Forcing a smile on his face, he continued walking, pulling away from Gwaine's hand. 'Just been busy, you know.'/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; font-family: 'Arial',sans-serif;"Gwaine walked with him. His hands gestured out in front of him as he spoke. 'Well, you have all the time in the world now. His Lordship won't be around for a week!'/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; font-family: 'Arial',sans-serif;"'I'm not sure about that; I think Gaius will keep me busy.'/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; font-family: 'Arial',sans-serif;"'I will come and rescue you then. Take you into the town like we used to.'/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; font-family: 'Arial',sans-serif;"Swallowing thickly, Merlin shook his head. 'I'm not sure about that…'/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; font-family: 'Arial',sans-serif;"Gwaine threw his arm around Merlin's shoulder. 'Course you are! Anyway, what are you doing now? We could head down to the tavern, celebrate the wedding!'/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; font-family: 'Arial',sans-serif;"Pulling away from the Knight, Merlin edged away. 'Just something I've got to do.'/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; font-family: 'Arial',sans-serif;"'Well, leave it! Come on, how often does Arthur go away?'/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; font-family: 'Arial',sans-serif;"'Just go without me.'/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; font-family: 'Arial',sans-serif;"'Come on, you'll be right as rain in no time.'/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; font-family: 'Arial',sans-serif;"'No, I have something to do.'/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; font-family: 'Arial',sans-serif;"'Since when have you passed on a chance to go to the tavern?'/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; font-family: 'Arial',sans-serif;"'Since now.'/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; font-family: 'Arial',sans-serif;"'It'll be fun, come with me.'/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; font-family: 'Arial',sans-serif;"'I don't want to, Gwaine!'/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; font-family: 'Arial',sans-serif;"'Merlin—.'/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; font-family: 'Arial',sans-serif;"'Gwaine, please. Just leave me be,' Merlin snapped. Increasing his strides, he was so close to Arthur's chambers now. He didn't realise that Gwaine had stopped moving. Glancing out of the corner of his eye, he tried to ignore the hurt expression on the other man's face. Sighing, he rubbed his forehead. 'Go. I'll come and find you later, alright?'/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; font-family: 'Arial',sans-serif;"Gwaine didn't reply. He made a small noise in the back of his throat and gestured at something behind him. He walked back down the hallway without looking back at Merlin. /span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; font-family: 'Arial',sans-serif;"Feeling a stab in his stomach, Merlin forced his feet to keep moving. He didn't want to keep pushing people away, but he just needed to be left alone. Why couldn't people understand that?/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; font-family: 'Arial',sans-serif;"Finally reaching the chambers, he slipped inside and locked the door behind him. The rooms were just as he had left them, although some of the candles Arthur had brought in earlier had burned down, leaving a dull glow around the room. Leaning against the door, he felt his knees buckle and slid down onto the cold stone floor. Wrapping his arms around his knees, he buried his head into his arms and let out a sob./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; font-family: 'Arial',sans-serif;"Why was this so hard? Why couldn't he just get past his feelings? Or at least pretend that everything was alright. For God's sake, why couldn't he move on?/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; font-family: 'Arial',sans-serif;"Bringing a hand up to clutch at his hair, he pulled on the strands hard. Welcoming the pain, he let out a breath. Only a few tears ran down his face; no more seemed to come out. /span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; font-family: 'Arial',sans-serif;"And that's when he saw it. Glinting in the candlelight on Arthur's desk. The small pocket knife the King used almost daily. /span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; font-family: 'Arial',sans-serif;"Slowly getting to his feet, he could feel his hands shaking as he crossed the room. Reaching out to grab the edge of the desk, he stared down at the knife. Arthur wouldn't even know it was gone. No one would know. /span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; font-family: 'Arial',sans-serif;"Another sob escaped his lips as he gently reached his fingers out to touch the blade. It cut into his skin, just a small nick, but a bubble of blood formed on his fingers. Pulling his hand back, he stared at it. Then he stared back at the knife. It twinkled in the candlelight./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; font-family: 'Arial',sans-serif;"No one would know. Would they?/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; font-family: 'Arial',sans-serif;"Merlin remained in place even after the last of the people gathered in the Citadel had left. He could hear Gaius mumbling something to him, but he couldn't understand what his mentor was saying. He blinked slowly and felt a tear slowly run down his cheek./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; font-family: 'Arial',sans-serif;"'Merlin?' A hand settled on his wrist. /span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; font-family: 'Arial',sans-serif;"Turning slightly, he shook his head at Gaius and cleared his throat. 'Sorry, I was just…' He didn't know how to end that sentence, so he closed his open mouth. Swallowing around a lump in his throat, he brushed the tear away angrily./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; font-family: 'Arial',sans-serif;"'Merlin, I was just going to ask you if you were alright,' Gaius said, his hand still on Merlin's wrist. Could Gaius feel him shaking? Why was he shaking like a leaf?/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; font-family: 'Arial',sans-serif;"'Fine, I'm fine. I had better go and make sure that the King's chambers are all in order.'/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; font-family: 'Arial',sans-serif;"Gaius' fingers tightened around his wrist. 'You can do that tomorrow. It's getting late. I think we ought to return to our chambers.'/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; font-family: 'Arial',sans-serif;"'No, no, it's fine. I don't think I can sleep anyway, so I may as well do something productive. I will try not to wake you if I come back late,' he garbled and pulled away from his mentor's grip. He didn't turn back as he heard Gaius shout his name once more before he rushed up the steps into the palace./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; font-family: 'Arial',sans-serif;"Keeping his head down, Merlin ignored everyone as he made his way to Arthur's chambers. He needed to be on his own, no one could see him like this. But then he heard footsteps running towards him and felt the need to stop moving. /span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; font-family: 'Arial',sans-serif;"'Merlin! I've been shouting you,' Gwaine sounded chirpy, and a hand grabbed his arm. 'I feel like I haven't seen you in ages!'/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; font-family: 'Arial',sans-serif;"Forcing a smile on his face, he continued walking, pulling away from Gwaine's hand. 'Just been busy, you know.'/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; font-family: 'Arial',sans-serif;"Gwaine walked with him. His hands gestured out in front of him as he spoke. 'Well, you have all the time in the world now. His Lordship won't be around for a week!'/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; font-family: 'Arial',sans-serif;"'I'm not sure about that; I think Gaius will keep me busy.'/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; font-family: 'Arial',sans-serif;"'I will come and rescue you then. Take you into the town like we used to.'/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; font-family: 'Arial',sans-serif;"Swallowing thickly, Merlin shook his head. 'I'm not sure about that…'/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; font-family: 'Arial',sans-serif;"Gwaine threw his arm around Merlin's shoulder. 'Course you are! Anyway, what are you doing now? We could head down to the tavern, celebrate the wedding!'/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; font-family: 'Arial',sans-serif;"Pulling away from the Knight, Merlin edged away. 'Just something I've got to do.'/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; font-family: 'Arial',sans-serif;"'Well, leave it! Come on, how often does Arthur go away?'/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; font-family: 'Arial',sans-serif;"'Just go without me.'/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; font-family: 'Arial',sans-serif;"'Come on, you'll be right as rain in no time.'/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; font-family: 'Arial',sans-serif;"'No, I have something to do.'/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; font-family: 'Arial',sans-serif;"'Since when have you passed on a chance to go to the tavern?'/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; font-family: 'Arial',sans-serif;"'Since now.'/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; font-family: 'Arial',sans-serif;"'It'll be fun, come with me.'/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; font-family: 'Arial',sans-serif;"'I don't want to, Gwaine!'/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; font-family: 'Arial',sans-serif;"'Merlin—.'/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; font-family: 'Arial',sans-serif;"'Gwaine, please. Just leave me be,' Merlin snapped. Increasing his strides, he was so close to Arthur's chambers now. He didn't realise that Gwaine had stopped moving. Glancing out of the corner of his eye, he tried to ignore the hurt expression on the other man's face. Sighing, he rubbed his forehead. 'Go. I'll come and find you later, alright?'/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; font-family: 'Arial',sans-serif;"Gwaine didn't reply. He made a small noise in the back of his throat and gestured at something behind him. He walked back down the hallway without looking back at Merlin. /span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; font-family: 'Arial',sans-serif;"Feeling a stab in his stomach, Merlin forced his feet to keep moving. He didn't want to keep pushing people away, but he just needed to be left alone. Why couldn't people understand that?/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; font-family: 'Arial',sans-serif;"Finally reaching the chambers, he slipped inside and locked the door behind him. The rooms were just as he had left them, although some of the candles Arthur had brought in earlier had burned down, leaving a dull glow around the room. Leaning against the door, he felt his knees buckle and slid down onto the cold stone floor. Wrapping his arms around his knees, he buried his head into his arms and let out a sob./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; font-family: 'Arial',sans-serif;"Why was this so hard? Why couldn't he just get past his feelings? Or at least pretend that everything was alright. For God's sake, why couldn't he move on?/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; font-family: 'Arial',sans-serif;"Bringing a hand up to clutch at his hair, he pulled on the strands hard. Welcoming the pain, he let out a breath. Only a few tears ran down his face; no more seemed to come out. /span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; font-family: 'Arial',sans-serif;"And that's when he saw it. Glinting in the candlelight on Arthur's desk. The small pocket knife the King used almost daily. /span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; font-family: 'Arial',sans-serif;"Slowly getting to his feet, he could feel his hands shaking as he crossed the room. Reaching out to grab the edge of the desk, he stared down at the knife. Arthur wouldn't even know it was gone. No one would know. /span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; font-family: 'Arial',sans-serif;"Another sob escaped his lips as he gently reached his fingers out to touch the blade. It cut into his skin, just a small nick, but a bubble of blood formed on his fingers. Pulling his hand back, he stared at it. Then he stared back at the knife. It twinkled in the candlelight./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; font-family: 'Arial',sans-serif;"No one would know. Would they?/span/p