Episode 5

~Even So My Everyday World Was Still Wrong~

The late afternoon light begins to cast shadows into the 'unused' music room making this more dramatic than it has any right to be…fucking anime world. Seriously, all I'm doing right now is just sitting here like a complete dumbass as I stare at Yuigahama who's softly crying while leaving me at a total loss. The dramatic lighting is really unnecessary and is just making the whole situation that much more annoying.

Well shit… I mean really Specialist, why couldn't you just wait until Monday to confront me on this? All I wanted was to head into the weekend so I could try to settle into my everyday world you knooooow~.

Looks like I'll be hanging out with nicotine-chan today after all… Before I can let out a sigh or Hiki-Persona 8 fails because of a girl's tears, I activate the skill Thought Acceleration to buy myself some time to think.

The first thing I should do is turn Hiki-Persona 8 off. The last thing I want right now is for Yuigahama to truly face the real me. I can only imagine the disaster that would be for her. But just how the fuck should I handle this situation? This happened way sooner than I thought it would honestly.

Trying to ignore her is the first thing that comes to mind, but that didn't work so well with the Corporal… Plus I don't think I can be that cruel to a nice girl like her.

Well since just ignoring Yuigahama is out, do I just lie to her Haruhi? No, that won't work in this case. Looking back on 8man's memories of his first year, Yuigahama has always been in his shadow, trying to work up the courage to talk to him. Holy shit you're just like a stalker Specialist, and this idiot was too dense to notice.

Damn it Haruhi this is why I hate nice girls they're so annoying. With this 8man and I can agree…

Shit.

It seems I don't really have a choice… Welcome to fuckin Malachor Specialist.

As my Thought Acceleration comes to an end Yuigahama wipes the tears from her eyes with her sleeve.

"W-what am I say'n? That's crazy… I mean, like of course you're Hikki… But how—?"

Turning Hiki-Persona 8 off just in time, the weight of ten traumatic years of living as an adult more or less in society falls on me.

"—Yuigahama…,"

'Let me go~' Oh, looks like distraction-chan is with me on what I'm about to say to her. Ha! Take that Kyon!

'I don't wanna be your hero~,'

"I'M not the one who saved your dog that day…"

'I don't wanna be your big man~, I just wanna fight with everyone else~'

Yuigahama looked up at me with tear-laden eyes full of shock, as if she were seeing me as a stranger for the first time.

I must look like a washed-out salaryman right now. The fact that my face is haft in shadow as I said that, is annoying. I stand up from the piano and grab my school bag.

'Your masquerade~,'

"That person really isn't ME, He's gone Yuigahama."

'I don't wanna be a part of your parade~'

Yuigahama shakes her head in fierce denial then looks down at the floor with tears still falling. That these shadows in the room make me feel and look like a phantom as walk towards her is so damn annoying…fucking anime world.

'Everyone deserves a chance to~,'

"I'm sorry…"

'Walk with everyone else~'

When I reach Yuigahama at the door, I stop next to her and genteelly put a hand on her shoulder in a small act of cold comfort. That makes her flinch and look up at me. I can feel her gaze on me, but I can't see her expression. I kind of afraid too, so I keep my head and eyes facing forward.

"If you really want to get to know me, ask Yukinoshita for a club form so you can officially join the Service…Club, Yuigahama." Giving her shoulder a small reassuring pat, I walk out the door.

Thankful that I keep my pack of Seven Stars (I can claim that they're just Shizuka's if I get caught with them) on me, I make my way to the roof of the school like the fucking hypocrite that I am. Play the end song distraction-chan.

'So let me go~ I don't wanna be your hero~,'

'I don't wanna be your big man~, I just wanna fight with everyone else~'

'Your masquerade~, I don't wanna be a part of your parade~'

'Everyone deserves a chance to~, Walk with everyone else~'

I just finished breakfast this Monday morning, and I'm more or less ready for school as I watch the news with a black cup of coffee courtesy of the best little sister in the world. Said little sister held a slice of toast slathered in jam in one hand as she enthusiastically pored over a fashion magazine.

I spent the weekend settling into my everyday world at the Hikigaya household by mostly lazing around on the couch with a few of 8man's light novels. I gotta say he had good taste, though he only had the first four volumes of the holy texts. That was something I was going to make damn sure to fix. I would however have to wait for The Surprise part one and two, to come out in June.

Another thing that I would have to wait for is Vita-chan which I should be getting for my birthday.

My so-called father did his best to ignore me as he gave most of his attention to Komachi. Well…to his credit he did give me extra money for making breakfast over the week at least. He still an idiot daughtercon though.

My mother scared the hell out of me when she silently sat next to me. I know she's in middle management at some company. But that has to be a cover right?! She all but screams Intelligence at me! Please don't let her be some kind of agent Haruhi…

Finding that there wasn't much news this morning I glanced over at Komachi and the magazine in her hand. The articles in that trash were filled with extremely irritating terms like safe sex and super-hot. I felt like I was getting stupider by just reading it. Is Japan gonna be okay? My sister was nodding along as she read it. Just what part of that garbage is resonating with you?

"Hey, you're going to be late."

Komachi raised her head with a gasp and checked the clock. "Ack! Crap!" she yelled, immediately closing the magazine with a slap and standing up.

"Look at your mouth Komachi-chan, there's stuff all over it."

"Huh? No way! I'm jammed?!"

"Just rack the slide," I said automatically.

"Huh? You know, onii-san~, sometimes I don't get what you're talking about at all~."

"The time."

"Oh, crap!" Komachi swiped her mouth with a pajama sleeve and runs straight to her room.

Thank you for not undressing here my dear little sister though I'm a little sad that you keep treating me like a guest. Well given our situation it really can't be helped.

I gave Komachi a sidelong glance as she runs down the stairs in her sloppily arranged uniform and sip my coffee.

"I'm late~! I'm late~! " As she cheerfully sang it made me wonder if she actually wanted to be late or what. Yep, you're the cutest in the world.

"Onii-san~! I'm ready~!"

"To-san is still drinking his coffee," I replied.

"Ack! Are still mad about that Onii-san~?!" She said crying.

Nothing is less trustworthy than a woman's tears. Komachi in particular had that special knack for crying that younger girls do, and she was a master at manipulating others. Damn, she was vicious. I almost feel sorry for that bug that wants to be with her.

"Do you want to use my bike Komachi-chan?"

"That's ok onii-san~." She says as she runs to the front door empty-handed.

"Oi! You forgot your bag!"

"Whoa~! Onii-san~!" Komachi runs back to grab her bag with fake tears in her eyes. What an airhead, so damn cute.

I was enjoying the fresh sea breeze as I thought about what I should play today at the piano. There was Megumi no Ame and Diamond no Jundo of course. But I kinda feel like playing some city pop today.

I had just finished eating lunch in my inherited loner spot, outside the first floor of the special-use building, right by the nurse's office, diagonally from the rear of the school. It was situated in such a way that I could look over at the tennis court. My nemesis the sports drink vending machine was watching me, no doubt plotting against me… No, I'm not being paranoid Kyon!

"Huh? Oh, it's you, Hikki." The air current carried a familiar voice to my ears. When I turned to look, Yuigahama was standing there, holding down her skirt against the blustery wind. "Why're you in a place like this?"

Oh like you don't know, you stalker.

"I always eat my lunch here Specialist."

"Oh, really? Why? Wouldn't you rather eat in the classroom?" she asked, the look on her face telling me that she was feeling somewhat awkward.

I replied with silence. Get a clue Specialist, seriously. Let's change the subject. "Anyway, why are you here?"

"Oh, that's right! Actually, Yukinon beat me at rock-paper-scissors, so this is, like, my punishment?"

"Talking to me is your punishment?" I couldn't help saying.

"N-no, no! The loser just has to go buy juice!" Yuigahama got all flustered, flailing her hands around in denial then she plunked herself down daintily beside me.

"Yukinon didn't want to at first, though. She was like, 'I can obtain my own sustenance myself. Why should fulfilling a mild desire for conquest bring me pleasure?'" For some reason, she imitated Yukinoshita's voice as she said it. It was stunningly accurate. That's the Specialist for you.

"Well, that sounds like her."

"Yeah, but when I said, 'You don't think you can win?' she accepted."

"That's the Corporal for you." Yukinoshita tries to act cool, but she really was a sore loser when it came to competitions.

"So, like, the minute Yukinon won, she silently did this tiny fist pump. It was actually really cute." Yuigahama sighed in satisfaction.

"So um Hikki… A-about the other day—"

"—Specialist, you notice how the Corporal likes to use the truth like a blade, and especially against me?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah…"

"Well in her own way, she really was trying to give you some honest advice."

"Ah, wait you don't mean…"

"That right." I gave short laugh without humor. "A ghost that shouldn't exist, well she's damn right about that… But the thing about me distorting reality is total bullshit… probably." The dream I shared with Shizuka does come uncomfortably to mind. "Oh, and before you ask…, don't ask me about my real name Specialist. That's classified." I said with the best wink my Ayanokōji-like face would allow.

"O-oh, I um, see…"

"Well, it's best not to think too deeply about it Specialist, trust me you don't want to." I'd rather not break it to her that we're in a fake fucking anime world.

An awkward silence falls between us.

"By the way Hikki ah, why do you call me Specialist and Yukinon Corporal?" Yuigahama pulled her legs in and hugged them as she spoke, burying her face in her knees as her eyes darted toward me questioningly.

"It's a little bad habit I picked up from when I was in the Army if you can believe it. It's just a nickname, don't mind Specialist." That was just a haft-truth.

I honestly use it mostly to keep some distance between both of them and myself after all…

"Y-you were a soldier Hikki?"

"A Staff Sergeant, light infantry, I don't like to talk about it, Yuigahama."

Yuigahama jerked her head up.

"But you totally don't act like one."

"Of course not you idiot! I'm totally like a sixteen-year-old Japanese high school student right now you knooooow~!"

"You're kinda terrible at that Hikki… And don't treat me like I'm stupid! I did pass the entrance exams to get into this school, you know!"

"HOW?!"

Huffing mad, Yuigahama chopped me in the throat with her hand. It was a clean hit on my Adam's apple, and I choked.

How the hell does the Specialist always catch me off guard Haruhi?!

A faraway look clouded her eyes. "Hey wait, just how old ARE you Hikki?"

"T-twenty-eight…"

"Whoa! That's like totally so old!"

"Hey! It's not that old damn it! Why are you moving away?! How creepy do you think I am?! I'll have you know that I'm into older women Specialist!"

Yuigahama tittered as she turned to look at the tennis court, a smile still on her face. Her movement drew me to face that direction as well.

The tennis club girl who'd just been practicing by herself was coming back, wiping off her sweat as she walked.

"Hey! Sai-chaaaan!" Yuigahama called out, waving.

"It's a trap!" Yuigahama elbowed me right in the ribs.

Achievement unlocked: It's A Trap

When Totsuka noticed Yuigahama, he ran to us at a trot.

"Hey. Practicing?"

"Yeah. Our team is really bad, so I have to spend my lunches practicing, too… I asked if I could please use the court at lunch, and I finally got the okay. What are you and Hikigaya doing here, Yuigahama?"

"Aw, nothing much," Yuigahama said, turning to me like Right?

No, I was going to play the piano, and you were in the middle of running an errand, weren't you? What kind of birdbrain are you, Specialist? Don't forget things so fast. You got the club form from the Corporal, right?

"You're practicing at lunch even though we're doing tennis in class, huh, Sai-chan? That's got to be rough!"

"Oh, no. I'm doing it because I like it. Oh, and Hikigaya, you're good at tennis, aren't you?"

"Probably."

Yuigahama made a drawn-out ooooooh noise, like she was impressed.

"Really?"

"Yeah, his form is really good."

"Aw, you're making me blush!"

'Are you an angel?'

Wait, I'm not gay right?! Out of the corner of my eye, I subtly check out the Specialist's assets… Holy shit Haruhi they're huge! And she's only fucking sixteen! So yeah, I totally like the ladies…though now I feel completely disgusting because she's only sixteen, damn it!

At least she's not my type, thank Haruhi. Nice girls are the worst.

"But anyway, Totsuka."

"You remembered my name! That makes me so happy!" Holy shit I want to protect that smile Haruhi! Damn it Kyon! I swear I'm not gay!

Achievement unlocked: Fake And Gay

I'M NOT GAY!

'It's okay~ when it's in a three-way~ It's not gay~, when it's in a three-way~' No! Not you too! Distraction-chan!

"We were in the same class last year I think. But I'm surprised you know my name." The ass hats in class always get it wrong, but this is an angel after all.

I am NOT 'totally gay' Kyon!

"Huh? Oh, yeah. I mean, you stand out, Hikigaya."

Yuigahama stared at me. "Huh? He's pretty plain. I didn't think you'd recognize him without some special reason."

"What the hell Specialist, I stand out! I stand out just like a Pop Idol!"

"No, you don't," she replied with an incredibly serious look on her face as she crushed one of my secret dreams.

"I-if you're all alone in the corner of the classroom, it actually makes you stand out, though."

"Oh yeah, that's true…oh, uh, sorry." After that, Yuigahama looked away. That kind of attitude hurts Specialist.

Right when it seemed as though the mood would turn heavy, Totsuka made a save. "So anyway, you're pretty good at tennis, Hikigaya. Do you play a lot?"

"No, the last time I played it was Mario Tennis back in elementary school. I've never done it in real life." I said looking back on some old memories of 8mans.

"Oh, that's the one everyone plays together at parties," Yuigahama said. "I've played that before. The doubles and stuff are really fun."

"I've only ever played it alone, though." I said, now reliving 8man's trauma.

"Huh? Oh…uh, sorry."

"What Specialist, are you part of the land mine disposal team in my heart now?! Is it your job to dig up every single bit of trauma I have?!"

"You're full of way too many bombs!"

"No shit Specialist!"

Totsuka watched our exchange with an amused smile. Then the bell rang, signaling the end of lunch hour. "Let's head back." Totsuka said, and Yuigahama followed after him.

Oi, where do you think you're going Specialist?

"Hikki? What're you doing?" Yuigahama turned and gave me a puzzled glare. Totsuka stopped as well, turning to face me.

"Aren't you forgetting something Specialist?"

"huh?"

"The Corporal is gonna be pissed…"

"Yukinon? AHH!"

"Move your ASS Zaimokuza!"

"Eeeeeeh! BUT WHY?!"

"Ours is not to reason why, ours is but to do or die! NOW MOVE!"

"I'M GOING TO DIE!"

"You're not dead yet Private! We still have one more lap around the field! So get the lead out of your ass and Climb To fucking Glory! MOVE!"

"NOOOOOOO!"

"If you can YELL! You can RUN! NOW RUN GOD DAMN IT! RUN!"

"AAAAAAAAAHH!"

After getting coach Atsugi's enthusiastic support, Zaimokuza's PT went about as well as I expected. I was a little hard on him since I was annoyed about not being able to play the piano at lunch today. All in all, I felt it was worth the can of fucking Max to reset Hiki-Persona 8.

Smart-kun buzz, I took out my phone to see that I got a text. It was from my so-called father Hikigaya Hiroshi. It was strange…the sharp-eyed Yakuza-looking old man never contacted me (or 8man for that matter) like this before. The text read that he forgot a file for work at home and he wanted me to bring it to him at the office. This was totally 'sus', he's a good accountant after all, and would never forget something important for his job. Well, whatever is going on, I'll play his little game, it would get me out that stupid club at least for today.

Ha! Enjoy your time with the Specialist without me Corporal. Get wrecked, Tee hee~!

I found Shizuka in the hallway. She walks right to me, forcing my back to the wall as she slams her hand hard on the wall right next to my face. My dead eyes become lost in hers as she leers into me with those beautiful grey eyes. *Gulp* D-did she…, did she just pull a Kabe-don?!

Just what the hell are you doing in public Shizuka?!

At least what few students that were in the hall have been chased off by the aggressive vibes that Shizuka is giving out. Holy Haruhi my heart's not ready!

"Hey, why aren't you heading to club Hikigaya?" I feel Shizuka's hot breath on my face. It takes all the self-control I have not to just kiss her.

"I-I um got a text from my father that said he needs me to pick something up from home and to bring it to him at work." She's too close and sexy as hell, my heart is racing damn it!

"Hmmm, you're not lying to me, are you Hikigaya?" Her eyes narrow as they look deeply into mine. Holy shit woman, you're driving me crazy!

After what felt like an endless moment, I break eye contact with her and move my head close to hers so I can whisper into her ear.

"I would never lie to the beautiful woman that's making my heart race. I never thought you would be THIS aggressive Shizuka. Why don't you come with me to meet my father? I would love to introduce you to him as my fiancé…"

I pull back to see her face flush red right up to her ears. She had the silliest grin on her face as she muttered fiancé to herself.

I arched an eyebrow at that.

Well as much as my meme of face would allow. It feels like I'm overacting just to make a readable expression appear on my face. It was worth the little bit of practice I did over the weekend. See, I told you it would work Kyon.

Oi, what do you mean you still can't tell?!

Shizuka shakes her head sharply, shuddered, then retreats away from me. Her face was still flushed a shade of pink as she fake coughed into her hand to try and collect herself.

"S-so it looks like you NEED to leave H-Hikigaya. I-I'll let Yukinoshita know."

She avoids my gaze, as I force a sadistic smile onto my face and start to walk towards her.

"Oh…, are sure you don't want to come with me Shizuka?"

I move forward as she moves back, her lovely grey eyes were jumping around like crazy.

"N-no, t-that's all right. I-I'd hate to impose on y-your father at work…"

"But I would hate for you to think that I was lying to you Shizuka. I'm sure he wouldn't mind…"

Shizuka backs herself against the wall and begins to breathe a little heavily.

"I-I'm um, s-sure he must be very busy, b-besides I trust my fiancé— STUDENT! I-I t-trust you H-Hachigaya…"

I pull my own Kabe-don on Shizuka. Luckily the hallway is still empty as I was way past the point of caring. This woman pushed me too far Haruhi!

"Oh, you can call me Hachi, Shizuka, I don't mind."

As my eyes looked deep into hers, she closes her eyes.

Oi! Did you think I would kiss you inside of a school and as your student no less? As if I would, idiot… She would end up hating me and more importantly herself if I did something like that. Hell, we're not even married yet. I'm not even sure if I can really call her my fiancé damn it!

I really do want to kiss her, but that would just be so fucking wrong!

"If you do something like this to me again, I really will kiss you, you knooooow~."

Her eyes shoot wide open and I stick my tongue out at her.

"Tee hee~."

The Force was with me as I push against the wall, just barely dodging her punch.

That was way too fucking close!

I backpedaled as fast as I could to my school bag that was on the floor from when I was forced against the wall by Shizuka. I picked it up.

"Hiki-gaya… Hachi-man…~!"

"Oh shit!"

As Shizuka gathers the dark side, I slide open the second-story window and drop my bag into the courtyard below.

"Wait! Just what the HELL do you think-…!"

I give Shizuka a two-finger mock salute and bail the fuck right out of the window.

"HACHIMAN!" Shizuka screams as she rushes to the window.

I let go of the window sill and drop to the courtyard below. I fall safely into a combat roll just as I did many times before like it was any other Army obstacle course.

While ignoring the stares of the normies that were in the courtyard, I straighten out my uniform and double check that my cigarettes were still with me. I grab my school bag and waved back at Shizuka who was at the window now with an expression of total shock on her face.

"Sorry sensei but I gotta run! I'll see ya tomorrow Hiratsuka sensei!"

With one final wave, I ran my ass to the bike racks not daring to look back.

"DAMN IT HIKIGAYA COME BACK!"

With suit-kun on and Hiki-Persona 8 off I find myself standing in a somewhat nice office park smoking a cigarette just outside of a sleek-looking black office building here in Minato, Tokyo. At just over twenty stories I can already feel the dark side of the Force that radiates off this building. The sense of fear and despair intermixed with hope and greed is almost overwhelming. I haven't even walked inside this place yet, but I can already tell that it's a black company.

I put out my finished cigarette in my portable ashtray and pick up the black leather briefcase at my feet. The leather briefcase was another relic from the old man's job hunting days. I can help but feel like I'm some kind of time traveler that just came from the Showa Era.

Oh right, I really AM a time traveler, thanks for reminding me Kyon…

Letting out a sigh, I walked up to the sliding glass doors of the Japanese music label, Studio 8. It figures that the old man would work someplace as Yakuza adjacent as the entertainment industry. I wasn't even surprised when I found out about it today, after another long sigh, I entered through the doors.

As I passed by two security guards who eyed me with suspicion, I found that the inside of the lobby had a gloomy atmosphere to it. This was not helped by the fact that a girl was crying into her coffee at the nearby café.

Said girl was dressed like a shrine maiden for some reason.

Does she have the same kind of illness as Shizuka and Zaimokuza?

She looks familiar. I may have seen her on TV. I sincerely hope that's one of her idol costumes Haruhi…

She looked up and then makes eye contact with me. Damn it, why does everyone always look at me? I should really start using Stealth-Hiki.

I avert my gaze and doing my best to ignore her, I turned to the onee-san at the reception desk. The receptionist onee-san had a stiff business smile on her face. Before I could walk over to her, I felt a tug at my sleeve.

Geh! Too fast, how did she get here so quickly? Did you teleport? Are you some kind of ninja?

Hey, little help please. My eyes say to the receptionist onee-san. Her lips twitch but she ignores me. I shot a look at the security guards and they avoided my gaze.

Oi!

I turned to the girl who was still tugging at my sleeve as if she was desperate for any kind of attention. She had long black hair that went to her waist and big round eyes. She was also short, like five foot nothing. Look at her Haruhi she's so damn cute! Almost as cute as Komachi!

I looked at my watch, whatever my old man was up to it wasn't that urgent.

"I can give you fifteen minutes." I said patting her head.

What do you mean 'I have a bad feeling about this' Kyon?

…

It was the longest most annoying twenty minutes of my fucking life…

…

One Mio-chan, Pop Idol, age nineteen, was thankful picked up by the scruff of her neck by her manager who apologized to me most sincerely and even bought my coffee. I put out my second cigarette in the ashtray and stood up. This café is supposed to be non-smoking only. But after just one minute with that THING, I couldn't help but light up. The waiter said nothing as he just set an ashtray before me.

Finally free I walked over to the reception desk, the receptionist onee-san was still wearing her stiff business smile.

"Hikigaya Hachiman to see Hikigaya Hiroshi."

"One moment."

The receptionist onee-san looks down at a monitor.

"Yes, he's expecting you. Please wear this visitor's badge, you will find him on the ninth floor in the accounting department."

"Thank you."

I put the lanyard with the badge on and make my way to the elevators.

Upon reaching the ninth floor, it was time I found out what this was all really about.

The old man was sitting at his desk pushing papers. He wore a grey suit that was a pair of sunglasses and a few gold chains short of looking like a street thug. Honestly every time I see him the photo of Ryuuji's dad from 'Toradora!' keeps popping into my head.

However, this plays out I just know it will awkward as hell for me. I never had a father before. I don't even know if That Bastard was dead or alive back on Earth-Prime. I can say that just having one around does make a difference, even if I wished that he kept ignoring me like the idiot daughtercon that he was.

I walk up to him and pull the file from my briefcase.

"Yo, forget something old man?"

Hikigaya Hiroshi turns to me with a look of surprise then frowns.

"Old-…! Ah, Hachiman you're here. I almost didn't recognize you, kids these days really do grow up so fast. Is that one of my old suits? Man, that takes me back."

My bad, I forgot to turn Hiki-Persona 8 on. He didn't even notice, well he was a daughtercon after all.

I gave the old man a shrug.

"I figured that it would make things a lot easier for me, instead of just showing up here in my school uniform. Oh, here's the file you forgot."

I hand the file to him and he nods.

"I'm glad to see that you're finally getting your act together Hachiman."

"So what's the REAL reason that I'm here anyway?"

He smiles at that.

"You saw through that huh?"

"It's not like you to really forget something for work or text me for that matter."

The old man lets out a deep sigh.

"I think we need to talk, your mother…, SAID she was worried about you."

He and I shared a look. Yeah, this bad, she must have been more worried than I thought.

"Look Hachi I don't know what's going on with you at school, but you really shouldn't worry your mother like that or Komachi. If you make your sister cry, I won't forgive you…"

Damn daughtercon. 'You will not take her from me!'

I glare at him.

"Follow me, Hachiman. I have to make a report upstairs that won't take too long, after that we'll go have dinner so we can talk."

This is such a pain! I should have just ignored his text and gone to club. I don't even want to think about what kind of punishment Shizuka will give me tomorrow. I didn't even get to play the piano…

Well, fuck…, at least I got to meet Totsuka. Stop calling me gay Kyon!

With a sigh, I followed the old man to the elevators. We got off on the top floor. My old man motions me to one of the nice couches near the elevators.

"Ok, just wait here for me Hachiman. This shouldn't take more than ten minutes."

I nodded, and he walked down the hall with his report in hand.

Feeling a bit broad I thought about leaving the building to have another cigarette outside. As I was about to put that plan into action and text the old man… A glass door on the left side of the hallway catches my eye. I walk over to it and find that it was an empty music studio room with a grand piano inside.

I tried the door, and it opened. Smiling I walked inside…

Holy Shit Haruhi! It's a Steinway!

I looked over at the blacked-out windows of what must be the control room. I'm not sensing anything except the dark side of the Force which was overwhelmingly strong on this floor.

The control room seems to be empty, if someone was in there they would have kicked me out by now…

I walk up to the Steinway and test the middle C. A pure note resounds in the live room sending a chill down my spine.

I sit at the piano noting the microphone in front of me with a pair of studio headphones hanging from the stand. I put the headphones on and carefully adjust the mic stand.

"Check, check, one, two, one, two." I run my hand over the keys.

Both my voice and piano are crystal clear in the headphones. I warmed up my fingers by playing just the intro to Yukitoki.

Not likely to have a chance like this again, I start having fun by mimicking some of the First Take videos I saw on YouTube.

"Ah, ah, ah, brrrrrr~. Yahallo~, this is Hikigaya Hachiman~, um I'm kinda nervous Tee hee~. This will be the first take of Pretender to Shizuka~, I'm going to give it everything I've got into this one take~. Okay…, let's start…"

I take a deep breath and let it out slowly. At the original tempo, I begin to play Pretender on the Steinway. This piano is so fucking amazing!

"You and me, our love story~ It's just as I imagined~ After the curtain rises, a one-man show starts~ Though I'm always by your side~ after all, I'm nothing but the audience~"

"Said feelingless 'I'm sorry'~ It's just on a daily basis~ That's not too bad once you get used to it~ But I knew my romance with you was unlike my self-~ and I realized it would never last long~"

"In a way different settings-~ In a way different relation-~ A world line where we can meet-~"

"In a way different personality-~ In a way different values-~ I want to send my pure love only to you~, 'Cause I know that wish would've been no use-~"

"Goodbye~"

"I am not the one, the love of your entire life~ It's hard to say, but I can't deny~ Still, I can't decide to leave~"

"Just touching your hair, that little thing makes me-~ feel painful-pain, yet-~ sweetie-sweet, I can't say-~"

"Goodbye~"

"What are 'you' to me? I ask myself~ I don't have any answers-~ yes, I don't want to understand~"

"The only one thing-~ if there's one thing I can say from the bottom of my heart-~"

"'You are beautiful'~"

"Hearing someone proudly presents 'love and logic'~, I can't understand it whatsoever~"

"Just like looking down from the window of a plane-~ seeing the night view of a town I don't know~"

"In a way different settings-~ In a way different relation-~ A world line where we can meet-~"

"From the bottom of a pure heart-~ holding fulfilled love tight-~ I wanted to say 'I love you' in a irresponsible way~"

"But I know that wish would just end in vain~"

"Goodbye~"

"Holding your hand, distant from the 'end line'~ Every time I put it off-~ I see the future starts to ache~"

"You're not by my side, facing that truth makes me cry~! It really hurts, doesn't it~?!"

"…~"

"Goodbye~"

"I am not the one, the love of your entire life~ It's hard to say, but I can't deny~ Still, I can't decide to leave~"

"Just touching your hair, that little thing makes me-~ feel painful-pain, yet-~ sweetie-sweet, I can't say-~"

"Goodbye~"

"What are 'you' to me? I ask myself~ I don't have any answers-~ yes, I don't want to understand~"

"The only one thing-~ if there's one thing I can say from the bottom of my heart-~"

"'You are beautiful'~"

"If all those and these things are the destiny of romance-~ not bad, isn't it~?"

"There's no eternity, and no promise, even so-~ 'very beautiful'~"

As the last note left Steinway-sama I was completely satisfied with my performance…

…

The only problem was I wasn't the only one who was satisfied with it. A seductive voice much like that of a devil's entered my ears through the headphones.

["Hikigaya Hachiman was it~? I got your 'First Take' as you called it~. Fu-ha-ha-ha~. Now, come outside young man~. You and I…, Need. To. Talk."]

Oh, fuck me… Not again, I cringed as I relived the trauma of having Shizuka hear me sing the exact same song. I swear to Haruhi, I will never fucking sing at a piano again!

Achievement unlocked: The End Of A Pop Idol

I looked over to the control room's windows as the lights slowly faded up.

Oi, oi what's with this overly sinister and dramatic reveal lady?

Staring at me through the glass like a predator eyeing its prey is a tall woman who I can only describe as live-action Chabashira Sae.

She jerks her thumb to the door, telling me to get out.

I carefully take the headphones off and hang them on the mic stand. Parting with Steinway-sama, I exit the live room and enter the hallway. No, I'm not going to cry Kyon, there's just something in my eye.

A door just down the hall opens and a woman of breathtaking beauty enters the hallway.

Is it her Haruhi? Am I finally meeting the hot and sexy office onee-san of my dreams?

Dressed in an outfit that consists of a black blazer with a white polo shirt underneath, a short black skirt, stockings, and a pair of black heels, she has a well-endowed voluptuous body. I notice she was a bit taller than me. Her long dark brown hair was up in a ponytail. Just looking at her makes my heart skip a beat. The black abyss that was swirling just behind her was like a black hole that sucked in everything as she walked towards me.

…

Wait…, what? I blinked. Just what the fuck was that Kyon?! You saw it too right?!

Hot and sexy office onee-san of my dreams, my ass! Holy shit! This woman is a nightmare Haruhi! Just how much darkness is inside your heart lady?!

Her cold and sharp light brown eyes were full of greed as she stared at me. The smile that she is giving me is beyond creepy.

"Hikigaya? There's someone who works for me with that name, how odd I thought that man only had a daughter…"

Damn daughtercon!

"Oh, but how rude of me~, this is who I am."

She rudely stuck out a business card towards me. I just felt like I was being stabbed at with a dagger. I hesitate for just a moment and take it.

I feel like I've just been cursed Haruhi.

Maou Noriko President of Studio 8 is what the card read.

Oi! Are you kidding me?!

"D-Demon Lord?"

Achievement unlocked: The Final Boss

Her lips twitched.

"My name is pronounced as Mou, Maou Noriko, Hikigaya-kun." The Demon Lord said with a hint of frost in her seductive voice.

That's a LIE! That's totally a lie you Demon Lord!

"If you call me like that again I'll fire your father~. Fu-HA-HA-HA~!"

Her eyes weren't laughing, they were serious! Scary! The only safe thing I felt I could do was to laugh with her…

""Fu-HA-HA-HA-HA!""

The Demon Lord is Scary Haruhi!

"Ah~, I like you, Hikigaya Hachiman~. Now I was going to have you stand in the lobby as I played the recording of your 'First Take' for everyone…"

My face paled. Oh, fuck this woman is terrifying! The humiliation alone would kill me!

"However I decided to forgo your punishment~! This song, Pretender to Shizuka, is a hit. And I want it Hikigaya-kun~. It. Will. Be. Mine."

Scary!

At that moment two men enter the hallway. One was my old man who now had a look of terror on his face. The other was a tall man in a navy blue suit. He looked so damn cool. Is he a movie star Haruhi?

My old man rushes right up to me and forces me into a bow. Damn, he's strong! When the hell does he work out?!

"M-Maou-sama I see you've met my son Hachiman. I hope he caused you any problems." My old man whispers to me. "What the hell have you done Hachiman?!"

"Fu-ha-ha-ha~. Not at all, did you have a meeting with Honda-san?"

The old man releases me and I straighten up fixing my tie.

"Y-yes that's right, and I was just about to take Hachiman here out to dinner Maou-sama."

"Oh~, I'm afraid that you'll have to have dinner with your son some other time Hikigaya~. Your son will be eating with me~."

Oh no, but I don't want to Haruhi! How about little help here old man?!

"H-he will?"

"Why yes~. By the way Hikigaya-kun this is Honda Kenji the Vice President and CEO of my little company~. Honda-san this Hikigaya Hachiman he will be working with us starting now."

Honda-san arched an eyebrow at that.

"Honda Kenji, welcome to Studio 8 Hikigaya-kun."

I politely bow and shake his hand. Damn even his name sounds cool.

"Um Hikigaya Hachiman, please take care of me."

"How old is your son Hikigaya~?"

"He's sixteen, Maou-sama." The old man said in a daze.

"Oh my~! He looks so much older, well no matter~. Honda-san will you go with Hikigaya, he'll need to fill out some forms for Hikigaya-kun~. Does your son have his own bank account yet?"

"Ah, n-no."

"Help him set one up as well, Honda-san~."

"Of course Maou-san. Come with me Hikigaya-san."

I turned and watched as my father and Honda-san left. Upon reaching the elevators the old man looks back at me.

Please don't leave me alone with her. Are what my eyes say.

My useless old man mouths the words I'm sorry son.

Oi, oi, what happened to 'ruling the galaxy as father and son' did you LIE to me old man?! Oh wait, that was my other father figure…

The Demon Lord slowly wraps her arms around me, sending a chill down my spine. Her major assets press into my back. Holy shit they're touching me! Are those Fs Haruhi?! They feel fuckin amazing! I-I'll allow it… I just wish she wasn't so damn cold. You're not a Yukinoshita right? She's giving flash backs to Fort Drum.

The Demon Lord gives a small wave of goodbye as the elevator doors close on Honda-san and my old man while still hanging over me.

"You're a smoker aren't you Hachiman~? Don't worry I won't tell your father~. Fu-ha-ha-ha~."

I saw the threat for what it was. The Demon Lord grabbed hold of my tie, yanked me around, and said in a dark sinister voice.

"Now, come to my office young man, I have a contract for you to sign."

Are you the Devil? Scary!

While eating Chinese takeout, Maou Noriko and I went over the songwriters contract in detail. Using smart-kun I found that for a Demon Lord the contract was mostly fair, well mostly. In a power play, the royalty advance she offered me for Pretender to Shizuka made my eyes pop and it was on the condition that I sign an exclusive agreement with her.

After signing the contract I begged her to change the name of the song, but sadly she ignored me. She somehow also managed to pull Yukitoki out of me and I almost gave Hello Alone away before remembering Kyon's warning just in time. This lady is fucking terrifying Kyon!

The Demon Lord only relented when I told her I had five other songs that I was working on. They were of course all from Oregairu as they wouldn't exist in this fucking anime world. Though I did feel kinda bad about stealing a song from Official Higedandism, well who can really say that they would exist in this world as well? Damn it! I wasn't asking you Kyon!

Achievement unlocked: Your Plagiarism In Another World

Ignoring Kyon and achievement-chan, I wrote out the lyrics for Pretender to Shizuka and Yukitoki. I couldn't help but cringe as the lyrics were somewhat embarrassing for me to write. It was J-pop after all.

The Demon Lord then dragged me back to Steinway-sama to make a clean recording of both songs. After that, I was thrown into a long insufferable meeting with an annoying pretty boy Pop Idol named Yamada and that THING they called Mio-chan. Thankfully the Demon Lord allowed me to smoke or I would have killed someone…

It was past midnight when my old man drove me back to Chiba.

"Say, when did you learn to play the piano Hachiman?"

"I had a lot of free time in my first year at Sobu."

"Ah, I see. I'm really sorry you had to go through that son…"

"No, it was mostly my own damn fault."

"I think it would be best if we kept this a secret from Komachi… I would never forgive myself if she also got pulled into the entertainment industry."

I nodded to what he said emphatically.

If there was one thing that I and this idiotic daughtercon could agree on, it would be to keep my dear little sister as far away from the entertainment industry and Maou Noriko as we could…

Author's Note:

Please leave a review Reader-san! Please, pretty please…

If you keep on, keeping on... It gets, better? Probably?

Cause like one good turn, deserves, another...

And if you pay it forward... every rose, has it's thorns?

Why does it feel like I'm waiting for a punch line? I'm so alone Haruhi...

Would YOU like to know more...?

[App Fren-ly End Space]