OVA 1
~Side Mission Shizuka~
I fled from the nurse's office with tears in my eyes. What that brat just said couldn't be right. The lab coat was totally cool, right? I-it doesn't make me look like a sad Chuunibyou does it?
He was very insistent that I would look good in a black blazer. There was one still in my closet, maybe I should wear it… Not because of what he said or anything, it's just maybe a change would be nice… Yeah, and dressing a bit more professionally would help get the Vice Principal off my ass too. It's definitely not because of how badly Hikigaya's words hurt… Nope, not at all…
I reached the parking lot and I decided to have a cigarette before taking my beloved steed for a drive. I really needed to try and clear my head.
For a while now Hikigaya Hachiman has been on my mind, and like that American pop song from a decade or so back, I just can't him out my head. Damn, it really was more than I dared to think about.
Oh god, the way he said something so utterly ridiculous like it was nothing!
HE SAID THAT HE WOULD BE HAPPY TO MARRY ME!
In all honesty, I did feel it was a bit creepy when he said that with a complete lack of expression. But NO ONE has ever said that to me! Somehow I could tell that he was serious, and that was definitely not wishful thinking…
I know that it's wrong, but I can admit if only to myself, that hearing him say that made me so happy damn it… Hell, it made me so happy that I couldn't just reject him out of hand, no matter how absurd it actually was. He's only sixteen and I'm twenty-five after all! He said I was using age as an excuse, and maybe I was, but it was still wrong, even worse is the fact that I'm his teacher of all things.
Geez! How could I even imagine him as my husband for a moment, and so realistically too?!
SHIZUKA GIRL, ARE YOU CRAZY?!
Okay, so it's technically legal that we could get married, and he was very confident that he could get his parents to approve…
Even so, what would they say, no, what would HE say, when he found out how much debt I'm in? He already said he didn't trust me to look after myself and that was so humiliating. He'll probably just make fun of me, and then he'll leave…
Damn it! When they find out about my debt, they always leave! But I never sell my beloved steed! Why can't they understand how important that car is to me?!
However, what really scares me is that he may not care at all, and just jump into debt with me… Just like when he jumped out that window in front of me. There is no doubt that he really is reckless in the extreme.
Maybe I should just marry him…
God, I really have gone crazy, haven't I?
Hell, none of that was even the REAL problem here…
I put my used cigarette in my portable ashtray. I light another one up and begin to pace.
No, the real problem I'm facing here is if, IF I married him…
JUST WHO THE HELL WOULD I BE MARRYING?!
That person is NOT Hikigaya Hachiman damn it!
I really must be going crazy, but my intuition as a woman, teacher, and even guidance counselor are screaming at me that HE is not Hikigaya Hachiman.
I noticed something was off about him ever since I called him in for that death threat of an essay, he was so spacey, almost like he was lost, and he barely showed any expressions at all. Oh God, the next day he was even worse, those incredibly inappropriate remarks in the hallway, his complete lack of expression when he said we could get married, and then there was what happened in the consultation office…
When I had asked him what could have possibly possessed him to say those ridiculous things. 'I wonder, perhaps I just hit my head…' was what he said to me, followed by that short, cynical, hollow laugh, with that horrible little grin. It was the first time he showed any kind of emotion that day.
He couldn't possibly be possessed right? Really, just what the hell happened to Hikigaya? He didn't die or something, right? That is just insane, things like that don't happen in real life.
And then when he snapped…, it was really bad, that was the first time he ever said something so vulgar in front of me. Was that PTSD? There's no way that was from such a low-level car accident… Just how many people have died in front of him? Christ, he's only sixteen, there's no way he could have seen combat right?
'I'm twenty-eight!' It was like he was yelling that from his soul…, But that was just a dream. Though I can't help but feel my subconscious was trying to tell me something.
'Whether this is really happening or not, it clearly seems that you wanted to be with me. Let's just get married already.'
Oh God, that couldn't possibly be it! And he said that while smoking a cigarette of all things! Damn it, he really better not be smoking!
The way he yelled at me, and took my hand, when that giant blue thing attacked, really shocked me. Didn't he call me by some military rank?
And the nerve of him for trying to kiss me, after spouting all that nonsense to me, like we were in some kind of anime! That slap felt so good like it was almost real. And I never felt so alive after I fought that giant blue thing.
However, what happens in dreams sadly, has no basis in reality. Maybe it's time to cut back on the manga and anime… well just a little bit at least.
He did say that the ponytail I wore looked good on me, maybe he really did have a thing for ponytails…, wait, just what the hell am I even thinking?!
I let out a sigh, put out my cigarette, and pull another one out. I leaned against my car as I lit up. All the other recent events I had with him began to flood into my head. Most of which are still hard for me to come to terms with…
When I tracked 'Hikigaya' down the following day for skipping cooking class of all things, I found him in a place that I never in a million years would have expected him to be.
If it wasn't for Yukinoshita's complaint, I don't think I ever would have found him.
He was in the unused music room that Yukinoshita Haruno, the most troublesome student I ever had (though this Hikigaya was now the second), used like it was her own private space. Naturally, the room had a horrible atmosphere, so no one ever used it even when she left. Hell, even I didn't like this room. The memories of all the things that happened here still give me chills…
But there he was like he didn't have a care in world, as he played the piano she donated.
Oh God, and that disgusting song he played like he was summoning a school shooting or something, seriously just how twisted are you? I put a stop to that real quick of course, though it still gave me that nightmare where I kidnapped him and-… No, no, let's not even go there girl…
In any case, I could somehow tell that my banning of his music really annoyed him. He stared me down as he played a city pop song. The look in his dead eyes was so intense that it made me blush. I could have sworn his lips made this repulsive sadistic smirk, as if he won, but that could have been my imagination.
I fled the room as coolly as I could and leaned against the side of the door to calm my beating heart. I'm not gonna lie, that was dangerous! How could he just sit there and stare at me while playing Stay With Me like it was nothing?! Damn it! The Hikigaya I know would never do such a thing! And just when did he learn to play the piano anyway?!
It was then I heard THAT song. His singing voice honesty wasn't that good, but oh…, there was passion. It was like nothing I ever heard before, I swear it was like something out of this world and I would never forget it.
Wait! Holy crap!
Is that song about me? It's about me, right?
WHY WOULD YOU SAY GOODBYE?!
You can try harder damn it!
Oh, God! Seriously what the hell am I even thinking?! He's still my student damn it! Remember girl, it's ILLEGAL to fall for him!
But, I could marry him…
What kind of teacher marries her student?! An alien?! This isn't an anime!
After the song ended, I ran away from there as I tried to rein in my emotions.
Thankfully I was able to bring myself under control by the time school ended. I was somehow able to pretend that nothing had happened even with that song stuck in my head. The fact that the essay he handed in, was as twisted as always helped out a lot. Whoever this Hikigaya was, he was still as rotten as the old one.
I still slipped up a bit when asked if he could cook. I mean I knew he could, that slice cake was sooooo damn good! I hope he'll make another one.
Yes, that would be a skill my husband—
Wait!
Geez, I nearly choked on my cigarette when his words fully registered.
How could he say that in the faculty office?! And with no expression too, I just couldn't help myself from making a retort.
Just to change the subject, I asked him what his career plans were. I was expecting him to say something so unrealistic like House Husband or worse, something ridiculous like My Husband.
What he ended up saying was something so realistic that it was scary. It was even more evidence that HE wasn't Hikigaya. And his reason was so messed up. I completely missed what he said next because of how twisted and rotten his reasoning was.
I couldn't help but laugh at how truly wrong this all was, before I forgot again I asked his thoughts on Yukinoshita.
He cursed right in front of my face.
Language you damn brat, what were you in the army or something?
Wait, did he just smile at me?!
It wasn't long before I found myself shoving him out the door. I just couldn't take any more of Hikigaya 2.0…
Monday rolled around and I found Yukinoshita alone in the clubroom at lunch which was a little odd, just what happened to Yuigahama? I took the opportunity to ask her thoughts on Hikigaya. That brat just rolled her eyes at me before saying and I quote: 'That THING shouldn't exist.' I could tell she was in a bad mood so I left her alone.
Okay…, just what was up with that? Aren't you being a bit overly harsh there Yukinoshita? That has to be some kind of joke right? Wait, does Yukinoshita even make jokes?
Geez, fake Hikigaya, just what did you do?
Now what happened on that Monday afternoon was admittedly partly my fault…
What was I thinking pulling a Kabe-don on a student?! But when I saw that pretender about to skip club I just acted on instinct damn it!
I looked into his dead eyes, trying to see if the Hikigaya I knew was still in there… God, his eyes really were dead.
Before I knew it he whispered into my ear.
HE CALLED ME HIS FIANCE!
For a moment, I was incredibly happy. It was a word I desperately wanted to be called by after all. Then I remembered the one calling me that was one of my students!
But was HE really one of my students? I haven't rejected his proposal to me… So technically I am his fiancé…
I shuddered as my thoughts went in an absurd direction. Just what is wrong with me?!
I pulled away from him and tried to compose myself, I needed him to leave.
Oh no! He smiled and began to walk towards me! What happened to that expressionless thing you had going?!
I really can't meet your father right now! I'm not ready for this! Stop making me feel nervous damn it!
I backed myself into a wall. That was when he pulled his own Kabe-don!
Oh God, my heart just skipped a beat! This can't be happening! The look in his eyes was so intense!
I closed my eyes expecting him to just kiss me. I mean he's my fiancé, right? A kiss from your fiancé is totally fine, right?
I'VE NEVER BEEN SO HUMILIATED IN MY LIFE!
Wait! Just what the hell is he doing?! Oh my God! He just bailed out of that window like it was the most natural thing in the world! This is the second story! Are you some kind of action hero now?!
That scared me, what was that idiot even thinking?!
Now I'm really worried about him, I definitely need to keep a closer eye on him and I have to find out just what the hell is going on with Hikigaya Hachiman…
So for the next few days, I observed the person who claimed to be Hikigaya as closely as I could without drawing any suspicion.
I started by listening in on the Service Club.
The first thing I noticed was the nicknames. He called Yukinoshita Corporal and Yuigahama Specialist.
These were NOT normal nicknames…
In fact, they were military ranks, and from U.S. Army I think. That he was calling two high school girls by military ranks was bad enough, what was even worse, was HOW he was calling them. He called them that so naturally like it was a habit of many years…
Then there were the nicknames Yukinoshita threw at him like insults. Three of them really stood out to me: Hikiphantom-kun, Hikisoldier-kun, and Isekaigaya-kun.
Needless to say, the insinuations of those nicknames are very disturbing, to say the least… And in conjunction with what she said about how he shouldn't exist, and the thing he said about hitting his head…
An insane theory came to my mind…
Girl, all the anime and manga must have warped my mind for even thinking that…
The next thing I noticed throughout my observation is how much he reeked of the military. I had the misfortune of dating a soldier once, and all the signs were there…, and it's clear to me that he doesn't even realize the things he does.
The way he sometimes walks, that clipped tone of voice when he answers a question in class, his vulgar language on the sports field or in club, the rigid schedule that he keeps, how he stands sometimes, the movement of his eyes when he enters a room, the signs of PTSD, hell even paperwork that he generates in the Service Club is bureaucratic and there's more of it!
It's so bad that I double-checked what we had on record, just to make sure he wasn't a child soldier or something…
He comes from a normal family and even has a little sister. I'd really like to talk to her.
He plays the piano in that awful room and sometimes reads light novels. I haven't confirmed if he smokes or not, but I strongly suspect that he does.
Most of all, he doesn't act like a sixteen-year-old at all…
In fact, it's like he's a grown man pretending to be a high school student. And he's so bad at it! More than once I caught him looking like a washed-out salaryman during lunch.
I kept up my observation of him over the next week as the Service Club helped Totsuka.
I really need to stop him from writing these damn reports! This has to be a form of harassment for forcing him to join the club. My intuition says so…
The training they put poor Totsuka though, was downright cruel.
The more watched him the more that insane theory popped into my head…
God, just the thought that one of my students may be dead hurt so damn much… In fact, that's the only reason I haven't just confronted him on who he really was… I'm honestly afraid to know the truth, whatever it was.
The one thing I'm now completely and utterly certain of is that That Person isn't Hikigaya Hachiman.
Then today's incident happened, and although he's not technically Hikigaya, he is still a lot of fun to watch and his hair was so damn soft. I can play with his hair, right? He is still technically my fiancé after all…
This is so messed up…
Real or not, I'm still really worried about Hikigaya Hachiman.
I put out my cigarette and entered my car. I really need to put Hikigaya out mind before I lose it. A nice long drive should help, and if not… Alcohol, lots of alcohol, it's the weekend after all…
Oh, and I should look in my closet for that blazer. Damn it, I'm not as bad as Zaimokuza…
Aaaaah! I can't believe he said that to me! I'm NOT a Chuunibyou!
Author's Note:
So how was the look into the mind of Hiratsuka Shizuka?
I'm kind of cagey on this honestly... I'm not sure if got her right, or if I warped her in some strange OOC direction.
I mean I had Can't Get You Out Of My Head on loop as wrote this crime against Galactic Basic, so there's a good chance that I went insane...
Sexalonenious said it was fine, but he's a sycophant... And one can never trust the words of a sycophant or a cat...
Since my last unpaid intern died in a knife fight with a hobo last night, it's up to YOU dear readers to leave some reviews on this.
And should the OVAs be like a thing? I could really use some reviews this.
Oh, and maybe some on Chapter 6...TT_TT
[App Fren-ly End Space]