Episode 14
~Unfortunately Shizuka's Red Thread Went To The Wrong Wedding~
I couldn't save her.
Nor could I save Cadet Tsurumi who the Specialist was now looking after or Detective Conan-kun for that matter…
I let out a depressed sigh.
And you were born to fucking DIE achievement-chan!
Breaking off my staring contest with the faint blue ghost that was distraction-chan, I shook off the after-effects of the overly melodramatic flashback that was my final fuck up on Earth Prime and decided a full strategic withdrawal was in order, just like they were planning for Fuckin Afghanistan…
Fucking anime world…, it was getting just as bad as the fucking clown world that truck-kun had taken me out of.
Even so, not even a 'Working Joe' could fuck up the withdrawal from that shithole country…, right Kyon?
'…'
Hey…, why the hell are you so quiet Kyon…?
Achievement unlocked: You Always Know A Working Joe
FUCK!
'Sweet berries ready for two~ Ghosts are no different than you~ Ghosts are now waiting for you~ Are you~'
Apparently, distraction-chan decided this was the time for some Questions.
'Sweet berries ready for two~ Ghosts are no different than you~ Ghosts are now waiting for you~ Are you~, dreaming~'
Like you knooooow~, being a fucking death flag that could only get people killed, should I still marry Shizuka? Or should I be concerned that distraction-chan's facial features keep flickering from Caucasian to Asian from time to time? Or how could I keep Haruno from finding out my name was Robert Paulson?
'Dreaming the night~ Dreaming alright~'
Well, for one, I'm pretty damn sure that Shizuka really was a damn shounen protagonist from the wrong universe, so… it's not a problem.
'Do we~, do we know~ When we fly~ When we~, when we go~ Do we die~?' (Yeah~!)
As for anything else, all I could do was fall back onto my training which was: To shoot first and ask questions NEVER.
Besides it's not like this was the first fuckin ghost I had to deal with…, isn't that right KASHIM~?!
I swear, that terroristic little bastard still tries to kill me every other time I go to sleep…
The fact that his name was the same as an alias of a certain Sergeant's was just another coincidence and one I would constantly mock him for…, with Full Metal Panic quotes in Russian.
He really HATES it! Tee-hee~.
So you, do you, distraction-chan!
"…Hey, are you alright onii-san…?"
"Affirmative. I'm fine. Completely copacetic. It's not a problem."
"You look like you're having a problem onii-san…"
"Ahem, I just need to use the toilet, Komachi-chan."
"*Sigh* If you say so, onii-san."
And so, after making my way to the nearest restroom…, I threw up.
'LA~! LA-La~! LA-La-La~! LA~! LA-La~! LA-La-La~!'
In the car on the way back, the ride was quiet.
The occupants of the seats behind me had been annihilated. They'd all conked out within thirty minutes of departure, as is common on car trips. Up front in the passenger seat, I was politely pretending I hadn't noticed that Shizuka had passed a hundred-and-forty-two kilometers per hour, or eighty-eight miles per hour for you meat-bags that can't convert from the metric system, as I was sure her plot armor would keep us from seeing some serious shit this time around at least… probably.
Said plot armor apparently didn't extend to other vehicles on the expressway, like that unfortunate yellow sports car the police had stopped as we sped by.
"Tch— Damn tax parasites…"
Oi! That's not something a teacher should say you knooooow~.
Even so, I was still coming to terms that distraction-chan was a real fucking ghost and not just a figment of my, or Kyon's imagination.
Hey, I have no idea why you would be imagining her, Kyon!
I mean was just kinda going with the flow of things in this fucking anime world…
Even now, if I concentrated, I could just barely make out the blue outline that surround distraction-chan that signified that she was, indeed, a REAL fucking ghost, and said ghost was currently enjoying her need for speed by playing Turbo Killer between me and Shizuka at the moment.
Well, at least she looks happy Kyon…
My focus on distraction-chan must have caught Shizuka's attention, as it looked like I was looking at her with a melancholy expression on my Ayanokōji-like face…
"Hey, I know you're feeling down about not being able to do more to help out that girl. I'm sure just talking to her did more to help her than even you realize. I'm not criticizing you; in fact, I think you did quite well considering the time constraints. But you should keep this in mind, that no matter how hard you try, you can't save everyone Hikigaya…"
"Yeah…, that's affirmative," I confirmed darkly while trying to avoid making direct eye contact with distraction-chan.
"So just try to cheer up all right?"
"I'm fine. It's not a problem."
"*Sigh* And how about trying a different anime to quote from for once?"
"Negative."
"Piff—, yeah, you're awful. But anyway, good work." Suddenly, her hand reached over from the driver's seat. Her other hand still on the wheel, Shizuka patted me on the head.
"It's embarrassing for you to treat me like a kid," I said. "Please stop."
"Don't be shy, come on!" Shizuka seemed to relish teasing me. She stubbornly persisted in her head patting.
"Oh, no, I don't mean me. I thought you might be embarrassed. Treating a high schooler like a kid really makes you look old and—"
"—Hikigaya. You may sleep now." She knife-handed me square in the neck, and my consciousness plunged into a black tunnel.
"Как вы себя чувствуете?! Вам стыдно, что дошло до этого?! Что я не дам тебе прикончить меня одним ударом, как мифическому герою?! Почему ты не борешься?! Давай воспользуемся этим, по старой памяти, пока мы оба не разлетелись на куски! Ладно, КАШИМ~?!" I taunted as I reloaded my M4.
Suddenly, someone was shaking me roughly from the side!
"Hikigaya. We're here. Wake up!"
"—О бля! Huh…?" When my eyes shot open, before me, was a familiar sight. It was the school. The time looked to be some time past noon.
Carp, I must have been exhausted; I slept like a rock, deeply enough that I didn't remember falling asleep, and now that I was awake, I felt refreshed, although it was a little disappointing that Kashim had gotten away before I could kill him again.
"Sorry," I said. "I must have fallen asleep at some point."
"Hmm?" It was Shizuka. "…Oh yeah. Don't worry about it. You were probably tired. Come on, out of the van," she prompted, being uncharacteristically kind.
I stepped out of the vehicle, and after some stretching, we unloaded our bags from the van and drowsily prepared to go home. We all checked to make sure we hadn't forgotten anything and then formed a sloppy line, which the former Staff Sergeant in me found immensely annoying.
Shizuka observed us with satisfaction. "Good work, everyone. This trip isn't over until you're at home, so take care on the way back. All right! Dismissed!" She was looking pleased with herself for some reason. She'd probably been planning to end the trip with this classic teacher-student exchange since even before we'd left…
"Komachi-chan, let's go shopping before we head home."
"Aye-aye, sir!" she replied cheerfully with a crisp salute.
Oi, I was never in the Navy or an Officer, my dear little sister.
"Yukino-san, why don't you come with us?"
Oi! Don't invite her Komachi!
Just then, a very familiar jet-black limo car pulled up beside us with the smooth, low purr of its engine, as time in this fucking anime world seemed to slow down to a crawl as my Thought Acceleration skill trigged.
'Dead Inside~!' (Dead Inside~)
Oi, oi.
'Revere a million prayers~ And draw me into your holiness~ But there's nothing there~ Light only shines from those who share~'
While I'm glad that you waited for Haruno to play this song, aren't you making her entrance a little too dramatic distraction-chan? Wait, just how did Haruno know to show up here at this exact moment…?
'Unleash a million drones~ And confine me then erase me~, babe~ Do you have no soul~? It's like it died~, long ago~.'
Did she GPS my phone?!
Scary!
Hopefully, she only did that to the Corporal's phone… Even so, I should still ask the Major (my mother) to check smart-kun just to be sure.
'Your lips feel warm to the touch~ You can bring me back to life~ On the outside~, you're ablaze and alive~'
I tried not to think about how soft Haruno's lips were or how they tasted faintly like strawberries. Thought Acceleration ended and time returned to normal as she stepped gracefully away from the car. The bright white sundress she was adorned in was dazzling.
'But you're dead inside~!'
"Hi there~, Yukino-chan~!"
"Nee-san…"
Haruno approached rapidly.
Woah! Too fast! I moved instinctively to try and shield Komachi from this Devil as best as I could…
"Yukino-chan~, you haven't been home in ages~! I got so worried that came to pick you up~!"
She suddenly turned toward me in a way that I found terrifying.
"Oh~, Hikigaya-kun~!"
Those angular, calculating, violet eyes of hers darted between me and Shizuka (whose chaotic and violent presence I could feel in the background behind me) rather quickly and then turned mischievous.
"Ooh~, so you two were together after all~; Hmm~? You're on a date~! You're on a date~, aren't you~?! Come on~, fess up~! I'm so jealous~!"
"—I told you, we're not dating." It was Marriage, not dating. Dating her would totally be illegal you knooooow~.
She was prodding me with her elbow. This young lady was acting like the most obnoxious person ever. I gave her my, you're-bothering-me look, but even with her being able to read my Ayanokōji face, she didn't back down at all. In fact, she escalated and practically glued her body to mine. She was annoying, and soft, and in the way, and nice smelling, and frankly her breast were fucking amazing Kyon!
'Your skin feels warm to caress~ I see magic in your eyes~ On the outside~, you're ablaze and alive~ But you're dead inside~!'
(Dead inside~)
Um, that song is not really helping here… Well, whatevs, you continue to do you, distraction-chan!
"U-um! Hikki doesn't like that!" Actually, I'm fine… probably.
Wait! Stop tugging my arm! You'll expose Komachi to HER, Specialist!
Thankfully Komachi was proving that she was indeed the Major's (our mother's) daughter by skillfully blending into the background by this point.
Haruno stopped immediately. She surveyed Yuigahama with curiosity, but I also caught a sharp glint in her eyes. She put on a calm smile and then faced the Specialist.
Scary!
"Are you~… Hikigaya's girlfriend~?"
Oi! My fiancé is standing right over there you knooooow~.
"N-no! Nothing like that!" The Specialist stuttered.
OH SHIT! My fiancé is standing right over there and the way you said that totally makes me look 'GUILTY!' Specialist!
"Oh, that's good~!" Haruno replied lightly. "I was just thinking~, whatever would I do if you were also in the way~?! I'm Yukinoshita Haruno~, Yukino-chan's sister~."
No, let's not read too deeply into that and just try to ignore it, Hachiman.
"Oh, nice to meet you… I'm Yuigahama Yui. Yukinon and me are friends."
"Friends, huh…?" Haruno was grinning broadly, but her tone was ice-cold. "So Yukino-chan has a proper friend, huh? How nice. That's a relief~." Her words were soft, and her tone was soft, but the atmosphere enshrouding her suggested that the Specialist was now in danger!
"Oh~, but you're not allowed to touch Hikigaya-kun~! Since he already belongs to someone else~!" Haruno declared as she captured me, implying that it was her.
I seriously needed to shut off that passive 'Princess-trait' of mine, Kyon…
"I'm sorry. There's someone that I like, so I think you find someone else to be your human shield, Haruno…" I said channeling a certain foxy kouhai while giving off a thousand-yard stare at the skyline through my wizard sunglasses.
"—Woah! He rejected her!" Oi! Please don't draw attention to yourself now, dear little sister!
Stop looking and nodding like I did something amazing Totsuka!
And you don't need to look that shocked Specialist!
Oh, and I guess the Corporal was still here too, probably.
It was too scary to see how Shizuka was reacting, although my ahoge was shivering under my black beret…
"Wow~, you're so cold~! You're onee-san is against being left out~!"
Geh! Just what the hell are you saying in front of my FIANCÉ damn it?!
"STOP IT! That's enough, Haruno."
Haruno immediately broke off me.
"Long time no see~, Shizuka-chan~."
"Don't call me that." Shizuka looked pissed off as she leaned against the van with her arms crossed and jerked her head away.
"We really should have some drinks together soon~, as we have so many interesting things to talk about~, right Shizuka-chan~?!"
"Tch—Yeah, I guess we should…" Shizuka muttered darkly.
SCARY!
"Um, do you know her, sensei?" Totsuka inquired cutely.
"She's a former student of mine."
"Well~, we can do some catching up another time~! All right~?! Okay Yukino-chan~, time to go~. Our mother is waiting for you."
The Corporal had maintained her arrogant attitude up until that point, but at that word, she twitched. She showed the slightest hesitation. Then she breathed a resigned sigh and turned to Komachi, ignoring me completely.
"Komachi. I appreciate your invitation, but I must offer my apologies. I will not be able to go with you."
The way Yukinoshita spoke was stiff, formal, and now distant.
Komachi's reply was bewildered. "Um, o-okay…"
"… Goodbye." Haruno prodded her back, and she disappeared into the car.
"See you~, Hikigaya-kun~! Bye-bye~!" Haruno gave me a flighty wave, climbed into the car, and said to the driver, "Tsuzuki, let's go."
The driver bowed and quietly closed the door.
The black limo car started its quiet engine and then smoothly drove out. It departed in a long, straight line and then disappeared around a corner.
I watched it go, wishing I could have just one more game of Chess with Tsuzuki-san. The Specialist gave my sleeve a gentle tug.
"Hey… that car…"
"It's not a problem."
With that, I said my goodbyes to the others.
And no, I totally wasn't running away from Shizuka, Kyon!
Geh! Don't look at me like that distraction-chan…
She was obviously busy and needed to return her rental you knooooow~.
As we walked along the road, my attention was taken off distraction-chan's judgmental stare with Komachi's next words.
"Hey onii-san…, about some of the things I said about you and Yukinoshita-san… Well I'm…, I'm sorry, onii-san… I didn't know…"
Even for someone as energetic as Komachi, being in such close proximity to Haruno for the first time must have been extremely draining for her.
My hand automatically started to reach for where my cigarettes were kept, but then I stopped myself and patted Komachi on the head instead.
"How about we go get some ice cream Komachi-chan? We can go shopping tomorrow."
"Mhm."
"By the way, where are you working, onii-san?"
Geh!
"…I-I'm just a contractor worker at the old man's office, Komachi-chan."
In the roasting rays of the summer sun, I was once again dressed in suit-kun, considering if I should have lunch at one of the ramen spots Shizuka had recommended to me, while on my way back from city hall.
Now, ever since my time spent at Fort Drum, it wasn't the humidity and heat that were grating on my nerves, but the clear sound that rang through the area was the source of my irritation.
It was the sonorous ding-dong, ding-dong of a church bell.
The area was lined with tall hotels and a large number of wedding venues. The church was one such venue, so it was probably hosting a wedding now. Merriment filled the air, and even out in the street, I could hear voices beyond the fence shouting their congratulations.
I stopped to pull out one of my seven stars cigarettes and lit it.
It was a joyous scene like something out of a photograph, and one that I would probably never be a part of now. Thanks admittedly to my dumbass self and two sisters by the name of Yukinositha.
Even if things had been going with my fiancé(?), I still wouldn't properly be able to give Shizuka this kind of wedding until I was at least 'twenty'…
And while some of you privacy-invading meat-bags may be thinking this was a bit premature, even so, I could only hope to Haruhi that Shizuka wouldn't have the nerve to rip up a half-fill marriage registration form when I handed it to her…
I sigh with a plume of smoke.
Maybe just like the fucking clown world that truck-kun had taken me from, I really was only meant for the Army in this fucking anime world as well…
'Well I thought about the army~ Dad said~, Son~, you're fuckin' high~ And I thought~, yeah there's a first for everything~ So I took my old man's advice~ Three sad semesters~ It was only fifteen grand~ Spent in bed~, I thought about the army~ I dropped out and joined a band instead~'
Well, I guess it was clear where distraction-chan stood on that line of thought…
And no, I'm not going to join a band Kyon.
It's bad enough that I already sold whatever was left of my soul to the entertainment industry via a contract with the Devil.
And I would hate to become anything like Yamada…
Damn it, Yamada!
The Demon Lord called me in yesterday because that idiot was having an existential crisis about performing live or something… probably.
I'm NOT your FREN you knooooow~.
Just then, Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed something like a black stain…
I gazed intently at the black shadow. It was swathed in garments of black, the sole source of dark side energy. The darkness was absorbing all the light around it, bending even the rays of the sun. It was the one spot of wrongness, much like a wound in the Force itself, clinging to that happy display like a grudge and quietly muttering, "Drop dead, amen…"
'It is such a quiet thing…, to fall.'
Totally ignoring the old Sith hag, I feared for a moment that the Demon Lord had come to drag me back to Studio 8, but soon it became clear that it was someone else that I definitely knew, much to my relief.
"I hope you get married soon, too."
"Yes, it'll be your turn next, Shizu!"
"Shizu, Aunt, I found another good one! I think it'll go well this time. Why don't you try meeting him, Shizu?"
"What are you saying? She already said that she has a fiancé now. And look, he gave her such a lovely ring! It really is too bad he couldn't be here. By the way, I've started saving for grandchildren, Shizu."
With each comment, the black stain twitched and swayed. She was making the dark side of the Force so strong here that it was becoming intoxicating—is what my ahoge was telling me… probably.
I think I just saw something I shouldn't have. However, I just couldn't take my eyes off her. But one must never forget… When you gaze into the void, the void will gaze back at you…
Achievement unlocked: Gazing At Your Abyss
"H-Hikigaya!"
The nearby middle-aged couples peered in my direction. I put out my cigarette in my portable ashtray and bowed to them, which they returned.
Does this count as 'meeting the parents'?
It does right Kyon?!
Now I HAVE to take responsibility and totally marry her! Tee-hee~
The dark blemish on the proceedings turned to the couples and rapidly explained, "Th-that over there is my f-fiancé! S-See I told you I wasn't making him up!" Heels clicking on the sidewalk, the shadow ran toward me. "Hikigaya! Perfect timing! What a relief!" said the black stain—I mean the pretty lady in a black dress who was totally my lovely fiancé. As she gleefully grasped my hand like it was her only lifeline, it felt as if I was getting a contact high from the dark side of the Force.
Her black party dress hugged the smooth curves and contours of her body, and a fur collar brilliantly decorated the white nape of her neck. Her hair, in an updo, was a glamorous pitch-black that could have been made for that dress. Her hand, grasping mine through black gloves that matched the dress, was silky soft.
Shizuka looked absolutely radiant especially now that she wasn't emitting an aura of concentrated dark side energy.
"Now, Shizu, don't be rude dear, aren't you going to introduce us to him?"
"—Ack! Th-this is…Hikigaya Hachiman …my f-fiancé. Ahem! Th-these are my parents… Hachiman." Shizuka said with a very dejected look.
Just as I felt like I was about OD on the Force much like a certain Jedi that 'the Mouse' fucked over. I let go of Shizuka's hand so I could make a proper introduction.
"It's so nice to finally meet you, I'm Hikigaya Hachiman."
"Oh my! What a polite young man, I'm Hiratsuka Shiori and this is my husband Jirō. I know my daughter may be a bit overbearing sometimes, but she means well. For what it's worth, thank you for putting up with her."
"It's not a problem," I replied just after formally exchanging business cards with Shizuka's father.
The Hiratsuka's were a delightful couple and unlike my current family or myself for that matter, they were normal…, nice, and normal…
And if there was one thing that I could be grateful to this fucking anime world for, it was that 'the wall' women in their thirties seemed to hit, just wasn't there at all.
Source: Shizuka's mother.
Hiratsuka Shiori was still so beautiful that it was almost unreal. Add to the fact that she was Japanese, and therefore looked practically ageless to my dead Ah-Murican eyes. Well, that was at least until one day when she would suddenly turn to look ancient, as was typically the case with most Asians… probably.
She shot me an appraising look, which made me feel like I was inspected by my CO. Straightening my shoulders, it was then that Shizuka decided to engage in her particular form of skinship (violence), as I felt her warm vice-like grip back on my hand again.
"So tell me, Hikigaya-san. What is it that you do?"
"I'm currently working as a songwriter for Studio 8." The vice got tighter and I lost feeling in my hand. So it was probably best not to mention that I wrote a number-one song with Shizuka's name on it. But my ahoge and the Force were telling me that I should never lie to this woman. "—Ahem. And I also happen to be continuing my education. By the way, I'm sorry I couldn't make it to attend the wedding ceremony, Hiratsuka-san."
"Oh, not at all! And please. Call me Shiori."
"J-just so you know, it still hasn't been decided if we're actually going to get m-married yet!"
"What are you saying Shizu?! I'm very sorry my daughter is like this, Hikigaya-san. Please don't hold it against her, she really does mean well. And I do hope that you'll at least be able to come to the reception with us."
It was at this moment that Hiratsuka Shiori was starting to make me feel very nervous. And it was the kind of nervousness you get when you know that you're in the vicinity of an IED that could go off at any moment…
"It's not a problem. Shiori-san."
I automatically replied, despite the fact that I didn't need the Force to tell me that all Shizuka really wanted to do right now, was vacate the premises and just get some ramen.
Even so, Hiratsuka Shiori was still normal…, nice, and normal…
Probably.
Not long after, I found myself sitting next to Shizuka at a round table at her cousin's wedding reception. Of course, as a proper adult, I gave the happy young couple a gift of an appropriate amount of money from the cash I had on me. Although, the business onee-san with a smile as fake as Haruno's and who happened to be in charge of this reception hall, definitely overcharged the hell out of me for the card and envelope that I put it in you knooooow~.
Well, that's what happens when an event like this comes at you cold.
Even so, Shizuka cousin's seemed like a good young man, and I sincerely wished him well.
I took a sip of my champagne after the first toast.
"Of course, he drinks. I'm not even surprised anymore…" Shizuka quietly mutters to herself. She downs her glass in one shot and then proceeds to flag down a waiter for another.
Normally I would comment that she should probably slow down, however, we were both on edge and starved for tobacco. So it was all up to you alcohol-chan! Kanpai~!
Oi! Don't let distraction-chan have alcohol Kyon.
"Geez, what's gotten into you Hachiman? You're being surprisingly considerate."
"Um, sorry. Your Mother kind of caught me off guard, so…"
Shizuka snorted.
"Yeah, I was hoping to have gotten away from here by now…"
"Would it really have been okay to just slip out like that?"
"I don't care," she replied. "I already gave my gift."
"Even so, it's an important event for your family right?"
"It's my cousin's wedding, so it's not like I'm a guest." She averted her eyes sadly and muttered, "I didn't really want to go in the first place. My cousin is younger than me, so I knew he'd be walking on eggshells and my aunts would be constantly making a fuss about getting married. My parents won't shut up about it, either… Seriously, paying money to go to a wedding just to have your family rag on you isn't worth it…" She let out a sigh and takes a long sip from the champagne flute that just arrived.
"Well, your cousin seems fine to me, especially now that you're participating with your fiancé of course."
Choking on her champagne, Shizuka shoots me a baleful glare before finishing off the rest of the contents in her glass.
"God, this has become such a disaster… What were you doing around here anyway?"
"Just on my way back from a small errand at city hall," I replied casually taking a sip my of own champagne. "I was thinking about getting some ramen when I noticed a dark—ahem! I mean my lovely fiancé."
"—Ramen!" Her lovely gray eyes sparked with life and it was clear that Shizuka didn't hear the rest of what I had just said.
"Mhm, I could really go for some ramen right now! Hey Hachiman, do you think we can sneak out of here? I know a really great spot that's not too far from here!" The stars in her eyes were dazzling, and I could just see Shizuka storming into a ramen shop and lighting a cigarette still dressed as she was, not giving a damn.
Suddenly my ahoge twitched as I felt the gaze of Shiori-san.
"Negative. Your mother is staring at us from our nine-o-clock and I think they're just about to serve us the food, Shizuka."
"Tch—Damn."
"Affirmative. But tell me about the ramen shop you wanted to go to, we still may be able to go to it afterward."
Her lovely gray eyes sparked with life again as she went into excessive detail about the ramen shop she wanted to visit while sounding very enthusiastic.
And so, after the meal I don't really remember eating, and with a piece of wedding cake now in front of me, did she finally exhaust the topic in its entirety…
Damn it ramen-kun! 'YOU WILL NOT TAKE HER FROM ME!'
As I inserted my fork into the lie, I heard a soft sigh that could have been a chuckle.
"What?" I asked.
Shizuka spoke with a wry smile. "Oh, I'm just surprised. I thought for sure you'd hate this sort of event…"
I thought back to my time in the Army. Not only was I forced to attend a gala at least once a year (which all of the Officers seemed to love), but there were also military funerals and weddings as well. And those weddings always seemed to end in some sort of tragedy, like death or divorce…
There was a reason the Army didn't issue you a wife you knooooow~.
"I do hate them…" I set down my fork and looked right into her lovely gray eyes. "But if I'm with you, then it's not a problem."
"Piff—, when you say something so shamelessly like that, with no life in your eyes at all, it makes me wonder if you're more dead inside than I imagined," Shizuka commented dryly, though she was still blushing.
'My lips feel warm to the touch~ And my words seem so alive~ My skin is warm to caress~ I'll control and hypnotize~ You've taught me to lie without a trace~ And to kill with no remorse~ On the outside~, I'm the greatest guy~ Now I'm dead inside~!'
Oi, you already played this song, distraction-chan~.
"Um, Hachiman…?"
(Dead in-side~)
"—What! No! I'm totally alive! Th-there's no way I'm dead inside~! Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha… W-why would you even think something like that anyway…?"
She does say the scariest stuff with zero hesitation. And I'm nothing like Haruno, distraction-chan…
"Oh, just something your sister told me."
"Geh. You two sure became best friends fast, huh."
"She's a good sister, I almost wish I had a little sister like that… N-not that I'm trying to imply anything by saying that, of course!"
Flustered, Shizuka hastily downs the contents of the wine glass that was in front of her.
Hasn't she been drinking a lot? I hope she didn't drive here Kyon…
"Let's just get married already."
"—Oh look! They've opened up the dance floor! We should go dance Hachiman!"
Following that rapid-fire statement, Shizuka seized me violently by the arm and dragged me to the dance floor. It seems we had just missed the first dance of the bride and groom.
Before I knew it, I was being held in Shizuka's arms as she led our first dance in jerky circles that were out of time with the music. She was soft, warm, beautiful, and real. And as awkward as this dance was, there was nothing artificial about it at all. It was something genuine…
The sharp stabbing pain in my foot snapped me out of my daze.
"…!"
Not gonna lie, that hurt like hell Haruhi!
"Sorry, I-I've never properly danced before…"
"It's not a problem."
"You really don't get tired of saying that, huh?"
Activating Hiki-Dancer from my hundred-and-eight skills, I moved my hand to the small of her back, as I took the lead and draw her closer to me.
"…!"
"You'll be fine, Shizuka," I said, having caught her off guard.
Apparently, Kyon was actually looking after distraction-chan for once, as I could hear a new song being played over the reception hall's loudspeakers.
["To you~ Yes my love, to you~ Yes my love, to you~ You~, to you~"]
["I'm who I am, as I am~; you're who you are, as who you are~ The final words you whispered before you left me with a scar~"]
["On your familiar silver jacket~ Splattered coffee's left a stain~, destined always to remain~ And still, we're lost inside the habit~ Tears reflecting in the pane~, show our pitiful refrain~"]
["Stay with me~"]
["In the dead of night I'm banging on your door~ I'm begging you~, without you I'm done for~ (Ooh~) Now the winter arrived~, like the tears in our eyes~"]
["Stay with me~ (Ooh~) While your voice remains an echo of the past~ I'm holding on to moments that won't last~ (Ooh~) I will never forget~, I will never regret our love~"]
"…Geez, I can't believe they're playing such an old song."
["Confusing love and lovin'~, there is a difference though bizarre~ The final words you whispered before you left me with a scar~"]
"Well, it's not surprisingly considering the older couples here."
"But we're not an older couple! I'm still young! I AM still young, you know that right?!"
["Another winter is arriving~ Like a bird, you went away~ Migrate back to me and stay~ But still, I'm lost inside the habit~ Here I'm yearning for your touch~ Will it ever matter much~?"]
"Affirmative. You're still only twenty—" She kicked me in the shin.
"Ow."
"Hey! It's rude to talk about a woman's age. You really are still rotten…"
["Stay with me~"]
["In the dead of night I'm banging on your door~ This heart of mine is breaking once more~ (Ooh~) Now the winter arrived~, like the tears in my eyes~"]
["Stay with me~ (Ooh~) For your company my pride I gave away The needle on my record as it plays~ (Ooh~)Bittersweet melodies~, on an endless repeat~It seems~"]
"…You know, I think this is the first song you ever played for me on the piano, Hachiman."
"Is that so… Um, I've been meaning to tell you that you look great in that dress, by the way."
"Wh-what! D-do you really—?!"
"You're very beautiful, Shizuka."
"…! A-hem! Y-you're supposed to say things like that at the very beginning! You Idiot!" Shizuka declared blushing hard.
["Stay with me~"]
["In the dead of night I'm banging on your door~ I'm begging you~, without you I'm done for~ (Ooh~) Now the winter arrived~, like the tears in our eyes~"]
["Stay with me~ (Ooh~) While your voice remains an echo of the past~ I'm holding on to moments that won't last~ (Ooh~) I will never forget~, I will never regret"]
["Stay with me~"]
All too soon the song came to an end and it seemed that our dancing was over for the moment as well. In what was probably a gag, someone had slipped Por Una Cabeza into the song rotation.
With some light-hearted laughter, most of the other couples began to vacate the dance floor.
Even so, holding Shizuka in my arms like this, I didn't want to let her go. Not now, and frankly not ever.
"Hachiman?"
I pulled her in closer until we were pressed together more tightly.
Soft, warm, real… The warmth of her body radiated through me, and I could feel the heat on her breath as the icy core that Fort Drum etched into my soul began to thaw. The updo of her long, silky smooth, black hair smelled of lavender mix tobacco. Her soft, yet also firm breast, felt fucking amazing!
"Hey! Wha—?!"
"—Make sharp moments with long strides and kick your legs out when it feels natural. Just follow my lead and it won't be a problem."
"No wait! This is definitely a—!"
"—We can do this, Shizuka. So let's Climb To Glory, To The Top."
Even after it's been close to six years since the Army medically discharged my ass, I still knew how to Tango.
Author's Note:
NEVER FEAR! FOR, I. AM. HERE! STEPPING THROUGH THE DOOR! INTO MY OWN HOME!
Which leaves me to ask…, why the hell are YOU here in my room Reader-san?!
That's right! The time hath come! It's time we worked on our security Sexalonenious!
My house is NOT the U.S. Boarder, Reader-san! You can't just come and go as please y'know!
Any-who, sorry for the delay. As some of you may know, there was an incident.
Well, that's what happens when 'Du hast den in der Kammer vergessen!'
Now, this Episode is a bit sorter, but I thought it was at a good endpoint.
And it either this or no release at all for the month Reader-san…
Well, as always thanks for your Favs, Follows, and reviews!
Oh, and that was a nice mini-essay, Terdwilicker-sensei.
[App Fren-ly End Space]