Hey everyone! I hope you all enjoyed Rexsoka Week!
ofchaos: Thanks so much! And of course Fives has PTSD from Umbara, they all do! And yeah, I'm trying to convince her to actually post it. It's definitely very good! She's just scared that she might want to change something in the beginning and be locked in if she posts it.
Angyadika: It was my sisters' idea. I wanted to call him Ray, short for the Mandalorian word for five, but Sinko is more obvious to the reader.
TragicFiction: He'd probably go try and kill Grif and also have a complete meltdown about it.
Buckle in, folks. This one is a doozy.
Mando'a Translations at the end!
Weeks passed. Fives joined Ahsoka nearly every night at the fighting ring. When the others began noticing both of their bruises and lacerations, they made the excuse they were sparring with each other. Fives didn't like how Skirata narrowed his eyes at them when they explained.
It made Fives feel better and he wondered what that said about him. Violence was his only outlet. Ahsoka insisted it was just the exercise, but if that was the case, they could just go on a jog and achieve the same effect. No, Ahsoka and Fives were carrying out imagined revenge on their opponents.
Fives was now in the opposite situation: a Senate party. He wondered what the snobby senators surrounding him would say if they knew he was in an undercity fighting ring. They might refuse to associate with him, which he'd prefer. Of course, if they did know, Fives' cause would be thrown to the wayside and trampled with pleasure. They were straining with getting people to take them seriously. Fives did not need to give the other Senators the excuse to reject him completely.
He shifted in place, watching the senators in their flashy clothing. He himself was dressed in something far fancier than he'd ever been in before. Apparently the GAR had dress uniforms. It was news to Fives. He'd never seen a clone in anything like it. The white uniform had padded shoulders and buttoned up on both sides. Fives desperately wished he was in his armor. It looked good when you cleaned up the blaster burns.
Fives looked down at his drink. It was almost gone and he was banned from getting another. They all had discovered that Fives had a rather loose tongue after a few drinks. His drunken choice comments at his first party cemented that. Ever since he was limited to one drink per party. He hated that rule. This would be so much easier to deal with if he was batnor.
He sipped at the dregs, watching the other guests meander and chat. And they called this a party. This wasn't a party. Fives could party. This was some sort of battle field of words and subtle insults, though many weren't so subtle when it came to him.
Tonight was better than most nights. No one had cornered him yet.
As soon as that thought crossed his mind he noticed a Kiffar woman heading his way. He groaned internally.
"Are you enjoying yourself, Senator CT-5555?" Sitar Bon, the Kiffex representative, asked as she reached him.
Fives took a deep breath and plastered a smile on his face.
"Please, Senator Bon, call me Fives." He said.
She frowned.
"It is unprofessional to refer to a Senator by a nickname." She sniffed.
"It's not a nickname. It's my name." Fives tried to explain. "CT-5555 is my birth number."
"But it is what you were given to identify you at birth?" Senator Bon asked.
Fives tried Rex's practice of clenching his fists. It didn't work very well.
"Yes." Fives said. "But we clones prefer to be referred to by the names we chose."
"I see." The Senator said, looking Fives up and down. "Regardless, you did not answer my question. Are you enjoying yourself?"
Fives glanced around for any of his allies. Chancellor Amidala was across the room with General Skywalker and Ahsoka. Senator Organa and Senator Minx were caught up in a conversation with some representatives Fives didn't recognize. Senator Chuchi was similarly cornered by some junior representatives. No one Fives knew was close enough for him to wave down.
He turned his attention back to Senator Bon. He didn't know what to do. Before, he had one of the Senators or representatives to help him answer in the right way.
"The drinks are good." Fives finally said.
Senator Bon looked disapproving.
"Yes, it has been noticed that you like your drink." She said. "Tell me, do all clones share your tendency of drunkenness?"
Fives grit his teeth. It was one time and he had been nervous!
"Most of us like a drink once in a while." He paused, trying to remember what the kriff the Kaminoans had said about their alcohol tolerance. He wished Echo, or Kix, or hell, even one of the Nulls were here to supply the answer.
"I think we're actually more resistant to getting drunk than normal humans." Fives said.
Senator Bon raised an eyebrow.
"You think?" She asked. "You are unsure about your own biology?"
"Biology was never my strong suite." Fives said. "I have brothers who knew everything there was to know about clone biology."
"Then what is your strong suite, Senator CT-5555?" Senator Bon asked.
Fives hesitated. His immediate thought was to say shooting things, but he felt that would undermine what they were trying to do.
"I haven't had the chance to find out yet." He said after a moment. "I'm trying, though."
"Wouldn't you say that your kind were designed for violence to be your strong suite?" Senator Bon asked pointedly.
Fives was getting tired of this. He had to be polite while people were practically insulting him to his face.
"We were genetically designed for warfare." He said slowly. "But who we are isn't based on that."
He hated the doubtful look on the Kiffar Senator's face.
"Why then have your 'brothers' resorted to terrorism on Kamino?" She asked. "I was just speaking with Senator Burtoni. Apparently there has been another violent incident involving clones."
Fives stared at the woman. Another one? This was the fourth report since the clones had been taken to Kamino.
"I think that they are showing what they, what you really are." Senator Bon said. "The only thing you know is violence-"
"Of course the only thing we know is violence!" Fives snapped. He'd had enough. "Because we've been kriffing enslaved our entire lives!"
Senator Bon blinked and took a step back.
"I don't blame them for blowing up those damn long-necks!" Fives went on. "You give them blasters and get surprised when they shoot!"
People were staring now, but Fives didn't care.
"You have no idea what happens there, do you?" He hissed. "I was terrified for half my life that I would die for not being good enough!"
Fives jabbed a finger at Senator Bon.
"But you bastards don't care." He snarled. "You're all a bunch of cowards that refuse to see anything past your own agendas! If you're not careful, you'll end up like those Kaminoans!"
Fives could have continued spewing insults and threats, but he made the mistake of glancing around the room. His allies' faces were a range of horrified, shocked, and disappointed. He looked back at Senator Bon, who looked terrified. Fives swallowed. He was still angry, but at that moment he knew he'd done something extremely foolish.
Senator Bon scurried away and mutters exploded around him. Fives just stared at the spot where she'd been. Chancellor Amidala was making her way towards him. Fives couldn't, he wouldn't be lectured for finally letting his feelings out. He carefully set his glass on the nearest table and walked from the room with a calmness he didn't feel.
Ahsoka found Fives lying on the couch of their apartment. His dress uniform was in a heap on the floor. He was on his side, staring at something in his hands.
"Found him." She muttered into her comm from the doorstep. "He's at our place."
"Good." Skirata said from the other side. "Keep an eye on him."
"Tell him he's an absolute di'kut." One of the Nulls said, irritated.
Ahsoka ignored the comment and clicked the comm off.
"Fives?" She asked.
There was a moment of silence before he responded.
"I told you I shouldn't be the representative." He said.
His voice was flat and dull.
"You don't have to say it." He went on. "I shabbed everything up. The plan is ruined. We're never going to convince people that we're not violent cretins."
Ahsoka flinched as Fives shot up and flung the holo he was holding at the wall. It cracked loudly and fell to the floor.
"Rex and Jesse are going to be stuck on Kamino for the rest of their lives!" He shouted, still staring away from Ahsoka. "Echo's never gonna be able to come home, and they'll catch him and kill him and the rest of the Bad Batch!"
Ahsoka thought she saw tears gleaming on his cheeks.
"She was right, at least about me." He said more softly. "All I know is violence. And I'm going to be stuck here by myself for the rest of my miserable, shortened life."
He sank back down on the couch and buried his face in his hands.
Ahsoka hesitated before speaking.
"You haven't ruined everything." She said. "Padme thinks we can move past this."
"With who, me?" Fives asked. "I think we just proved I shouldn't be in the public eye."
Ahsoka couldn't reassure him. Padme had affirmed to her that Fives had basically committed political suicide. There was a slim hope they could overcome the negative press with Fives still as the face of the movement.
It wasn't likely.
"Get up." She told Fives. She couldn't show it for Fives' sake, but she was upset as well. "Let's go beat the hell out of someone."
Ahsoka had never seen the group Grif set them up against. It was a motley crew of humans, Nautolan twins, and an odd species that Ahsoka had never seen before. The tall male looked similar to a Falleen, with his ridged forehead and powerful stature, but his skin was brown and his hair loose and wild. He might have been some sort of cross breed. He kept staring at Ahsoka during the preliminary rounds.
"He asked for you specifically." Grif told her. "Wants to actually fight you."
"Good." Ahsoka said. She didn't want to have to hold back. She hoped her opponent had the skills to actually stand up to her.
Finally it was her turn.
"Ashla vs Martok!" Jahn, their Ithorian referee announced.
"I hear you are the strongest warrior to be found in this scum hole." Martok said. "I hope you live up to the tales, for both our honors' sake."
Ahsoka blinked. That sounded more like a compliment instead of the suggestive trash talk her opponents usually resorted to.
"I try my best." Ahsoka replied. "Stories are often exaggerated."
"Let our battle create new tales that they will tell for years to come." Martok declared as the bell rang.
He seemed a decent sort. Ahsoka almost felt bad that he would bear her frustration and anger. Almost.
Ahsoka lashed out with a fist. Martok's hand shot out and grabbed her wrist. Ahsoka immediately rammed her knee upward into Martok's groin. She was surprised that he only made a choked groan and staggered slightly. It was enough for her to twist his hand off of her. She stepped back, appraising Martok. He was strong. She knew his fingers would leave bruises. His reaction time wasn't too shabby either, or his speed.
Ahsoka waited for Martok to make the first move. He stepped in close and swung a heavy arm at her head. Ahsoka raised a forearm to block and grunted as the man's fist collided. She slipped down and past Martok. She aimed an elbow into his side. He took it and stepped back. They exchanged a few more blows. Ahsoka was becoming more and more impressed with Martok's ability and stamina. She would have to end this soon.
He came at her, swinging his hands down in a strange double fisted blow. Ahsoka dodged to the side and caught one of his arms. Before he could react, she swung her leg up high and brought it crashing down on Martok's elbow. Martok let out a roar, but stayed standing.
Ahsoka sighed and swept his legs from under him. He jerked his broken arm in an attempt to save his fall, but only ended up yelling as he crashed to the ground. Ahsoka moved to knock him out with a kick to the head, but caught Martok's eye.
There was a challenge there, and a plea. He wanted the chance to stand up again. Ahsoka frowned but stepped back as Martok staggered to his feet. He lunged forward, catching Ahsoka off guard. He backhanded her and she stumbled back. Stars blinked in front of her eyes. She yelped as she barely dodged under another heavy blow.
Ahsoka slammed her fist into the side of Martok's head. He lurched, but stayed up. Ahsoka repeated the attack twice. He swayed and fell to one knee. Ahsoka shifted and brought her knee up into the back of his head. He dropped. Jahn began the count. Ahsoka tried to stand strong, but she'd overdone it a bit with that headbutt. The second she was announced as the winner she jumped off the ring.
Fives met her. Even though he was wearing a helmet, she could tell he was grinning.
"Nicely done." He said.
She smiled at him. She seemed to have accomplished her goal: distract Fives from his feelings for at least a little while.
"Hey! Tail head!" A grating voice called.
Ahsoka frowned as one of the Nautolans from the other fighting group stalked up to her. Fives tensed.
"One, that's extremely offensive." Ahsoka told him. "Two, I'm not a Twi'lek, so it's not even accurate."
"And you're one to talk." Fives muttered
"Shut up!" The mottled green and orange Nautolan spat. "You cheated!"
"How so?" Ahsoka asked.
"What the hell are you talking about?" Fives added. "She won that fair and square!"
"You beat Martok- no one beats Martok short of a Lasat!" The Nautolan said with a snarl. "I bet you drugged him, you-"
Fives stepped forward and yanked a handful of the Nautolan's tentacles.
"You be careful what you say next." He hissed.
"I can handle this, Sinko." Ahsoka said, trying to remind Fives where they were.
"Don't touch me, slime!" The Nautolan hissed.
The Nautolan suddenly jerked and Fives stumbled back. Ahsoka reached to steady him and felt herself go cold as Fives lifted his blood covered hand.
"Fives!" She hissed.
She grabbed Fives and helped him to the ground. Blood was oozing from a stab wound in his side.
"What's going on?" Ahsoka heard Grif roar.
"That bastard just stabbed Sinko!" Ahsoka heard one of the bystanders reply.
All of a sudden there were two people kneeling next to her. Two Mandalorians in armor Ahsoka suddenly recognized.
"Are you two the biggest di'kut'e to ever walk Coruscant?" The taller of the two, in blue armor, hissed in a clone's voice.
"Hush, Prudii." The other Mando, in black, said. Ahsoka recognized the voice. It was Etain Tur-Mukan, the ex-Jedi that hung around Skirata. "I'm no good with Force healing. We need to get him treated."
Ahsoka ignored their conversation and the realization that Skirata was having them followed and focused on putting pressure on Fives' wound. It looked bad. He was going to bleed out if they didn't get help. Fives' breathing was ragged.
"Kriffing octopus." He hissed.
"We can't take him just anywhere." Prudii protested, then added in an undertone, "If it gets out who he is, we can kiss our plans goodbye."
"If you need a discreet healer, I know someone." Grif said. "She lives nearby."
Ahsoka hadn't even noticed that the Besalisk had approached them. She realized the entire place was cleared out, save for a few fighters. She shifted the helmet on Fives' head so that his mouth and nose were out and he could breathe more easily.
"Where?" Etain asked.
"Pez, show them where Ris lives." Grif ordered.
The twitchy young Zabrak gave a mock salute and hurried off with Prudii and Etain close behind.
"Hang in there, Fives." Ahsoka muttered.
Grif handed her a rag that she pressed into Fives' side. He grit his teeth but made only a small noise of discomfort.
Ahsoka counted the seconds Etain and Prudii were gone. Every moment more of Fives' blood soaked the cloth. Finally she heard footsteps clatter down the entrance hallway and four people burst in. The fourth hooded figure hurried to Fives' side.
"Where is he injured?" Said a familiar voice.
Ahsoka stared under the hood and wide blue eyes stared back.
"Don't use my name." Ahsoka said in a hushed voice.
Barriss nodded and turned her attention back to Fives. She gently, but firmly took over pressing the rag into Fives' side. With one hand she pulled out a bacta sprayer. Ahsoka assumed it was fake. She closed her eyes and Ahsoka backed off.
"How do you know her?" Ahsoka asked Grif in a whisper.
"I heard of her a little after you showed up." Grif whispered back. "She runs an unofficial clinic. Doesn't charge if she feels you can't pay. Only had to use her once or twice, but she has the reputation of keeping her mouth shut."
Ahsoka nodded. What was Barriss doing down here? She hadn't heard anything about her friend since she'd returned. She hadn't asked for the fear that Barriss had sided with the Jedi that did not support the clones.
"Ash, what's going on?" Grif asked seriously. "Who are those Mandos? And did you call Sinko Fives?"
"Please don't ask, Grif." Ahsoka said. "You told me when you found me that you wouldn't ask questions if I didn't want you to."
Grif was silent for a moment. Ahsoka trusted him to keep their secret if he indeed recognized Fives' name.
"Are you in danger?" He finally asked.
"No." Ahsoka said truthfully.
Grif frowned, but didn't say anything else.
"He'll be fine now." Barriss announced after a few more minutes.
Ahsoka knelt by Fives. He focused bleary eyes on her.
"He's experienced a fair amount of blood loss." Barriss went on. "He should be taken home to rest. Do you need help getting there?"
Ahsoka shook her head. Any help she needed would probably come from the two Mandalorians staring at them.
"I'll see you, Grif." Ahsoka said and pulled Fives' arm over her shoulder.
He stood with wobbly legs. Barriss reached out and touched Ahsoka's arm.
"May I accompany you to your transport?" She asked.
"Of course." Ahsoka said. She turned to Prudii and Etain. "I assume you two have a speeder?"
"A few blocks down." Etain said. "Do you trust her?"
"Yes." Ahsoka said.
Oddly, Barriss seemed to shrink at the question.
"Give me a comm when you're home safe, Ash." Grif said worriedly.
Ahsoka waved him off and heaved Fives up the entrance hallway. Once they were out in the open, Barriss turned to Ahsoka.
"It's good to see you, Ahsoka." She said shyly.
Ahsoka gave her a grin.
"You too!" She said. "Are you here on Jedi business?"
Barriss shook her head.
"I left the Jedi Order not long after you did." She said quietly.
Ahsoka nearly stumbled under Fives' weight at Barriss' answer.
"What?" She sputtered. "You love the Jedi Order!"
"I love the teachings and the principles." Barriss said. "Not their actions. I was deeply opposed to our involvement in the war. I left in protest."
Ahsoka nodded. She knew exactly what that was like.
"I must thank you, Ahsoka." Barriss said.
Ahsoka blinked.
"For what?"
"For a long time, I was greatly conflicted." Barriss said. "I was very upset with how the Jedi were acting and I felt no one was listening to me. I did not know which way to turn."
Barriss fell silent for a moment and Ahsoka let her think.
"Your Master was the first example." She said. "He left for his feelings. Before, it seemed impossible that anyone would willingly leave the Order. And then you left in protest and it was all anyone could talk about for weeks. Your and your Master's example showed me a way to oppose what the Council was doing without turning to other ways."
Ahsoka was silent for a moment.
"I'm glad I could help." Ahsoka said finally. "I'm glad you did; otherwise you wouldn't have been here to help Fives."
"Here we are." Etain said shortly as they approached a non-descript speeder.
"I am glad we have met again, Ahsoka." Barriss said. "Ask Grif if you wish to contact me. I would like to hear the story of why you were down here."
"Of course." Ahsoka said as Prudii helped her get Fives into the speeder. "Thank you again. I hope to see you soon."
They got everyone in and took off, leaving Barriss standing on the undercity sidewalk. Ahsoka was left with an uncomfortable feeling as she thought about what Barriss meant by other ways.
The ride home was silent and awkward. Prudii and Etain sat in front and Ahsoka could feel the disapproval radiating from them. Fives sat next to her, staring blankly into the air.
"Kal will want a word with you tomorrow." Etain said as they reached Ahsoka and Fives' apartment building.
"Great." Ahsoka muttered. "Thanks for the ride. Come on, Fives."
Fives leaned into Ahsoka as she helped him out. She tugged his helmet off. He was pale and sweaty underneath. They managed to get up to their floor and into their apartment.
"Couch is fine." Fives muttered. "Room's too far."
Ahsoka helped him down onto the cushions. He gave a long sigh. Ahsoka quickly stepped into his room and grabbed his blankets.
"Thank you." He said as Ahsoka tucked them around him. His eyes focused on her.
"Next time let me fight my own battles." She said.
"Can't do that." Fives said.
"They're not worth the trouble." Ahsoka insisted.
"They're not worth your trouble. You shouldn't have to deal with scum like that."
"I've been dealing with scum like that the whole war." Ahsoka said. "I'm used to it."
Fives shifted, sitting up a little.
"You may not care, but I- we do." He said.
Ahsoka put a hand on his shoulder.
"That's the problem." She said. "I care about you too, Fives. And I don't want you to get yourself killed over my honor."
He looked up at her with something gleaming in his eyes. She'd seen that look in eyes identical to his weeks ago.
Oh, no. She thought with a sinking feeling in her stomach.
Fives raised a hand to the back of Ahsoka's head. She froze as he guided her face down to press his lips against hers. For a moment Ahsoka couldn't move. This was Rex's face, Rex's lips kissing her. If she closed her eyes, it was Rex. The soft pressure on her lips soothed the ache in her heart. So she let him kiss her. If she was honest, she had returned it for a second. But she knew it was wrong. This wasn't Rex. No matter how much she wanted it to be, it wasn't him.
He broke away after several dragging seconds and looked at her with shining, wondering eyes.
"Ahsoka." He murmured and reached up to touch her face.
Ahsoka turned her face away from him.
Tears stung at her eyes. She loved Fives, but not the way he wanted her to. She should not have done this. She stood and walked a few steps away. There was a moment, then shame and horror began to curdle the air around Fives.
"I'm sorry." He rasped.
What had he done? What had he done? Fives felt sick.
He shouldn't have done it. It had been such a stressful day, a stressful and excruciating few weeks. Everything had come crashing down on him. He was suddenly failing everyone, his brothers most of all. When Ahsoka looked at him like that, like she cared, it had been too much for him. He had wanted a win. He had wanted something to go right. It had been a long shot, but being an ARC trooper meant you took risks.
Of course it had backfired in his face. She hadn't wanted to kiss him. She hadn't wanted him.
The thought hurt, as much as the kiss itself had been a balm. He had thought for a wonderful, shining moment that she was happy she was kissing him, Fives. Then she turned her head and the dream burned away like a fallen ship in the atmosphere.
But, why did she let him? She hadn't pushed him away immediately. Had he imagined it, or had she even pressed back for a heartbeat? Ahsoka wasn't one to let something she didn't want happen to her.
That slip of hope pushed him to open his mouth.
"Why?" It was all he could say.
She turned towards him slightly. He could see her eyes again.
"I'm sorry." She said.
She didn't say anything more, but her eyes darted to the side. Fives followed her gaze. Rex's jacket lay draped over one of the chairs.
It felt like a blaster bolt to his heart.
"Was it because of Rex?" He asked.
Ahsoka's head jerked around to look him fully in the face.
"So you knew." It wasn't a question. "You knew how I feel about him and you still kissed me?"
"I thought- I thought maybe-" Fives stammered.
Her ire seemed to infect the hurt roiling inside, twisting it into anger.
How could she? She had given him the first glimmer of happiness he had had in months and then ripped it from his chest. All because he had Rex's face.
"It doesn't matter." Fives said. "You used me."
"You shouldn't have kissed me in the first place!" Ahsoka countered. "Didn't you think that if I feel that way about Rex that I wouldn't feel that way about you?"
Fives felt a few more blaster bolts riddle his chest. He grasped at his anger, trying to keep hold. He wanted to be angry, wanted it to be her fault. But his anger was flayed and only shame and self-loathing were left.
Of course she wouldn't feel the same way. Rex wouldn't have kissed her if he even suspected she loved someone else. And Fives had just tried to take his girl. What kind of brother was he? His insides shriveled.
Ahsoka must have sensed the change in his emotions, because she stepped closer.
"I love you, Fives. You're one of my best friends and I'm sorry I don't feel for you the same way you feel for me." She said. "What we did was a mistake. I didn't mean to use you."
"But I did." Fives rasped. "I did mean it. I knew how you feel and I knew how Rex feels and I still did it."
He wanted her to scream at him. He wanted her to accuse him of taking advantage of her. He wanted her to tell him to get out of her sight and never return.
What he got was sympathy in her blue eyes. That he couldn't stand.
If she wouldn't do it, he would.
"Get out." He said.
"Fives-"
"Get out!" This time the words ripped from his throat in a scream.
Her eyes were wide as she stepped back. He felt a touch on his mind.
"Get out of my head!" He said.
The touch was gone and Ahsoka slowly turned around. She carefully removed Rex's jacket from the chair and went to her room.
Fives watched her go with his fingernails tearing into his skin. Once her door shut he collapsed onto the couch with his face buried in his hands. He cried.
Mando'a:
batnor - drunk (lit. on your back)
di'kut/di'kut'e - idiot/idiots
shabbed - effed
This might be one of the best moments of angst I have ever written. To be clear, you should not be blaming Fives OR Ahsoka for this. They are both in pain and not dealing with that pain in a healthy way. Ahsoka is beating herself up about it, but we're just in Fives head for most of the aftermath. And Fives is very much NOT going nice guy 'oh she don't like me' here. He feels he has betrayed both Ahsoka and Rex, plus some pain of feelings not being reciprocated.
Fives should not be a senator. He doesn't have the filter for it. He is too straight forward and passionate. And plus, he's not in a great place emotionally or mentally.
Some fun cameos. Barriss gets to not turn to the Dark side in this fic. She went to the undercity, where she felt she could genuinely help people. And yes, Ahsoka fights a Klingon. I could not resist. If you're also a Star Trek fan, it is not the Martok, but just so happens to share his name. Kal definitely was having them followed, but until this point it hadn't been a problem. It's a problem now.
Well, I should probably go do the homework due in two hours.
Wear your masks, remember to review, and have a great few weeks!