Hey everyone!
lady pomegranates: I really appreciate your comment. I've been trying to slowly build up Fives' despair for most of the fic and it seems it worked fairly well.
ahsokatano191: Thank you so much! It's always good to hear I'm not butchering the characters lol.
Paladin Stormwind: I think what makes my romance a little different, and what I generally prefer for my romances, is that the world isn't revolving around the romance itself. Things are still happening beyond the pairing. Some of it is them trying to navigate their relationship, but there is still a story going on outside. But I'm glad to hear you like it! And uh, you're right. Fives gets stabbed, Echo gets scalped. They should stay away.
OneLittleSpark18: I always need soft Tech. But in a realistic manner. It's good to hear that I managed to do the subject respectfully. Thanks for reading!
nw150: I appreciate the offer! But keep in mind I'm posting chapters that I wrote months ago. What I'm writing currently is quite ahead in the story. But seriously thank you!
One of the shorter chapters here. I'm not quite sure if I'm happy with it, but we'll see.
Mando'a translations at the end!
Rex stepped into the mess hall. Troopers were everywhere, but there wasn't much chatter. That was one of the changes from the Clone Wars days. They didn't speak much anymore. There was too much of a chance to bring up painful memories from the short time they had been free.
The hall seemed a lot more crowded than usual today. Rex wondered if a new battalion had been assigned to this mess hall. He wished it hadn't happened today.
Rex did not want to have more brothers here to fill the air with their silent pains. He was dealing with his own problems. Owl was still not improving much, despite many practice sessions. Rex was beginning to worry. Owl himself had just had a breakdown after that morning's practice. Rex had to stay back and let Boil handle it.
He quickly moved through the lines and made his way to an area where there were less troopers. He settled near a wall and stared at his lunch. It was soup day, one of the more palatable options in Rex's opinion.
He was not apparently alone in that viewpoint. Rex noticed a particular trooper making his way across the mess hall with a jubilant expression on his face. He kept looking down at his meal and grinning.
Rex was glad some of his brothers were able to find small comforts here. He spooned up a bit of his own soup and almost immediately dropped the utensil. Had he just heard-
"Rex!"
Rex jerked his head around. Some other troopers were looking back and forth to try and find the source. Finally Rex saw one clone pushing through the others towards him. At first, Rex could not tell who it was, due to the sea of standard issue haircuts. Then the brother got a little closer-
"Jesse!" Rex stood.
The Republic cog was far less noticeable now that Jesse's hair had grown in. But it was Rex's 501st brother nonetheless. He reached Rex and Rex eagerly clasped both arms with him. Rex couldn't resist pressing his head to Jesse's.
"Su cuy'gar!" Rex said.
Jesse chuckled as they released each other.
"So I am." He said.
Rex realized how weary his brother looked. He sat down and Jesse followed suit.
"Are you all right?" Rex said, leaning towards Jesse. "What have they been making you do? Have you seen any other brothers from the 501st?"
Jesse held up his hand.
"Give me a minute to breathe." He said. "We just got back a few hours ago."
"So you've been deployed." Rex said.
Most of the brothers Rex met lately were in the Kaminoans' reserve, just training and keeping up their skills in case they were sent out.
Jesse nodded.
"Yeah." He said. "Nearly the whole time since we- "
His voice broke on the last word.
"What have you been doing?" Rex pressed.
"We're basically a bunch of thugs for the crime syndicates." Jesse muttered. "Apparently the Kaminoans have good rates on us compared to the common goon. We guarded the occasional transport, had a couple of run-ins with other gangs, and mostly stood around looking intimidating."
Jesse glared at the table for a moment and then shook his head.
"What about you?" He asked. "I thought all COs were stuck training littles."
Rex privately thought he'd rather train his littles than go and be some crime lord's slave.
"I am." Rex said. "Kilo squad. They're three."
"Why aren't you with them?" Jesse asked.
Rex grit his teeth.
"I'm too soft on them." He said. "Kaminoans don't like that I was treating them like brothers instead of scum under my boot. I try to keep away from them as much as I can. Just to give them a break."
"I'm sorry, vod." Jesse said.
Rex shrugged.
"They're alive, and the trainer before was much worse." He said. "In any case, they deserve some meals in peace."
Jesse glanced at Rex's food and Rex was shocked by the hunger in his brother's eyes. He, on the other hand, had lost his appetite.
"Here." Rex said, pushing his tray to Jesse. "It'll save you a trip through the line."
Jesse only hesitated a second before stuffing a roll into his mouth. Rex watched as Jesse quickly devoured most of the food on Rex's tray.
"They feeding you all right?" Rex asked.
Jesse swallowed.
"Yeah," He said thoughtfully. "It's just- well, they don't exactly have our comfort in mind when we're out in the field. They give us enough to keep us going. Not much beyond that. And-"
Jesse got an odd look on his face.
"The places we've been, they're on the edges of the Republic and the CIS. They've been affected by the war though, but people don't care enough to try and help them out." He explained. "They've got a lot of hungry little ones, and most of us figured that we could skip a meal or two."
"Jesse," Rex chided. "You said yourself, we only get enough to keep us battle-fit. You couldn't spare the rations. You could have gotten yourself killed!"
Jesse shot Rex a sharp look.
"You didn't see them, Rex." He said. "It's not their fault the war happened, but they're hungry because of it. And-and I kept seeing them and imagining if it were Gia starving out there."
Jesse's words were like a punch to Rex's chest. He didn't want to think of those times. He couldn't.
"Don't-" Rex muttered.
"Don't what?" Jesse asked. "Talk about our lives before Kamino?"
Rex nodded with a tight swallow.
"You act like you don't even think about it." Jesse said with a frown.
"I try not to." Rex admitted. "It's easier that way."
To Rex's surprise, Jesse glared at him.
"Rhys and Gia are the best things to happen to me my entire life." Jesse said in a taut voice. "I can't pretend that I never met them. I won't pretend that."
Rex stared at Jesse. Didn't it hurt to remember what he had lost?
"It's a waste of energy." Rex finally said. "We can't do anything about it. There's no point."
Jesse gave him a look of disbelief.
"No point in remembering that we were loved by someone other than a brother? That we loved?" Jesse asked. "So you're telling me that you honestly don't think about the Commander?"
If Jesse's first mention was a punch in the chest, this was a blaster bolt. Rex felt he couldn't breathe for a moment.
"I don't." Rex finally managed. "It's not the same as you, Jesse."
It couldn't be the same. Oh, Force, it could not be the same.
Jesse barked out a derisive laugh.
"I can't believe I have to convince you of this!"
He opened one of his pouches on his belt and retrieved a folded piece of flimsi. He unfolded it and shoved it at Rex.
It was a picture of the day at Rhys' diner. It was Fives, Rex, Kix, Jesse, Rhys, and Ahsoka. Even Gia's little head popped over the edge of the table. Fives was animatedly telling a story, and Ahsoka, Kix, and Rhys were all laughing. Rex and Jesse, on the other hand-
Their expressions were soft, affectionate, and identical. Jesse's was turned to Rhys, while Rex's was focused on Ahsoka.
"How did you get this?" Rex rasped. "How did you get it in?"
"I'm an ARC." Jesse said shortly. "I'm guessing you see what I see."
Rex didn't answer. He didn't want to see the devotion on his own face.
"She loves you too." Jesse said. "And you're just going to pretend there was nothing, while I can guarantee she is fighting to get you back."
Rex picked up the picture.
"You keep that." Jesse said. "You keep it and you remember her."
"I can't do that." Rex said. "It means as much to you."
He hated the smirk on Jesse's face.
"I've had it a long time, Rex." He said. "It's your turn for a while."
Rex reverently folded the picture back up and put it in his own belt pouch.
"Thank you." He said.
He could see Ahsoka's face from the picture. It still stabbed at his heart, but he forced himself to hold it there. Jesse was right. It was disloyal of him to just ignore what he had had with Ahsoka.
He thought of Ahsoka, her persistence. He remembered once General Skywalker saying that no one had her determination. He knew that she would be tirelessly working to bring the clones home. Maybe, if he trusted in her, he could have hope again.
Rex woke up early the next morning. His conversation with Jesse had bolstered him. He felt that, if Ahsoka was behind it, maybe there could be a chance that they could be saved from this hell-hole. He had been so determined to avoid any thought of Ahsoka, that he had forgotten to take into account her considerable stubbornness. Rex and his brothers might have to live the rest of their days as fugitives, but he could accept that. He had been frightened that she might come for just him, but he should have known better. She would know that he could not accept that. She would come for them all, or come for none.
He picked up the picture from where it lay on his pillow. He studied Ahsoka's laughing face. He hoped that she was keeping her spirits up.
Rex promised himself that when he saw her again, he would not hesitate. He would make sure that she knew, if she didn't before, how he felt. And maybe, they could be more than Captain and Commander.
He checked the chrono and decided it was time to get moving. Owl was due for another remedial session. Rex liked to get there early. He strapped on his armor and tucked the picture into his belt pouch.
He was surprised to find that the shooting range's lights were on when he entered. He thought for a moment that Owl had arrived extra early, but there was no sign of his little brother. Rex walked a little further in and tensed as the sound of harsh breathing and rough sobs reached his ears.
It was coming from the gun racks. Rex made his way carefully towards the noise. He had heard it before. Brothers who had reached their limit made those sounds.
The breathing became panicked as Rex came closer.
"It's all right." Rex called. "I'm a brother. You're safe."
Rex got to the gun racks and found the distressed brother. He was curled up, hands clutching at his head. He was wearing the pale grey of the custodial clones.
"Dogma?" Rex asked as he knelt down next to the vod. "It's Rex."
Dogma didn't move. Rex reached out a hand, but Dogma jerked away from his touch. His eyes were wild and scared. Rex held up his hands.
"Hey." Rex said. "Udesii. It's just me."
Dogma stared at Rex as if he were an apparition from his nightmares. His lips moved soundlessly before he buried his face in his hands again.
"What's wrong?" Rex prompted.
"I remember." Dogma said.
Rex's heart sank. There was plenty that Dogma could remember that could have caused this.
"Remember what?" Rex finally asked.
"Everything." Dogma hissed. "Umbara. All of it."
Rex closed his eyes. This was his fault. He was the willing catalyst for Dogma's returning memories. He should have guessed that Dogma's tampered mind couldn't handle the stress of his darkest memories.
"I'm sorry, vod." Rex said.
"It's my fault." Dogma whispered. "I killed them. I killed them and I trusted him."
Dogma's voice became a wail.
"I killed my brothers! I killed them and I still trusted him! I would have killed Fives and Jesse for him! I was going to!"
"Dogma!" Rex interrupted. "Dogma- he lied to us! It wasn't-"
Rex wanted to say that it wasn't Dogma's fault, but Dogma had chosen to trust Krell even after they had discovered the truth about that hellish battle.
"It doesn't matter, Dogma." Rex said. "You ended it. You killed him when I couldn't."
Dogma shook his head. A continued stream of 'my fault, my fault,' fell from his lips.
Rex felt sick. Dogma was a clanker and the memories of Umbara a Jedi's blade. He was breaking before Rex's eyes. For once Rex wondered if reconditioning couldn't be a mercy.
"Move aside, trooper."
Rex's insides went cold. He had been so focused on Dogma that he had failed to hear the sound of troopers approaching. He could tell by the cold, monotone voice that he was chipped. He slowly turned his head to see the two grey and white troopers standing over them.
"I said move aside." The trooper said.
Rex didn't move. His insides were being torn apart. Every instinct he had told him that he could not turn his brother over to certain death. But, reason told him he could not do anything to stop it. He had no power here. He had no authority. His resistance could lead to not only his death, but the punishment or termination of his cadets. What would happen to them if he died in a fruitless attempt to save a doomed brother? Rex saw these thoughts as what they were: excuses. He was afraid.
He apparently hesitated too long because one of the troopers grabbed him by the front of his armor and threw him aside.
"No!" Rex shouted, scrambling to his feet. The trooper was ready for him and buried the butt of his blaster into Rex's stomach. Rex doubled over and watched through watering eyes as Dogma bucked the hands of the other trooper off. Rex struggled to straighten.
"Dogma!" He gasped. "Don't-"
The other trooper pulled out his blaster. Rex yelled as the trooper stunned Dogma. The first trooper slammed Rex against the gun rack. Stars sparked in front of Rex's eyes and he fell to his knees. Both troopers grabbed Dogma and began to carry him away.
"No!" Rex choked out. "Please!"
The door opened and closed. It was too late. Dogma was gone.
Rex wandered. He had vague memories of comming Boil and telling him to take over Owl's extra practice. He thought that maybe Boil had demanded to know what was wrong. Rex didn't know if he had given an answer.
He wasn't sure where he was. Tipoca City was hard enough to navigate when one was aware, but Rex had just let his feet take him away.
He hoped that it was quick for Dogma.
Rex remembered what Ahsoka had said about the cadet Quiz. There had been hours between when the boy had been taken away and when Ahsoka had felt him die. Rex knew that they would prod Dogma to try and figure out what went wrong. It wasn't fair.
Was Dogma now strapped to a table, scared and cold and alone as the Kaminoans cruelly prodded him for answers?
Rex kept walking. He was probably wandering in circles over and over, as he met no resistance. He wondered if the Kaminoans had noticed, and would come for him.
He was jolted out of his miserable thoughts as someone placed a hand on his shoulder. At first he thought it was one of the chipped clones, but the fact that they had touched him rather than demand his attention dispelled that idea. Rex glanced at the clone who had approached him. He didn't know this clone, at least not at first. He had no tattoos and of course his hair was standard. Rex might have been imagining things though, as he would have sworn this brother was slightly bigger than most clones.
"With me." The clone said.
Rex definitely didn't know this trooper. He would have recognized the voice. But the tone he knew. It told him to straighten up, push down his emotions, and focus on the mission at hand. Rex didn't know the mission, but this trooper had one for him. All of his training kicked in.
Rex straightened and followed the trooper to the nearest portal that led to the storming Kamino outside. The rain pinged against their armor and soaked the neck of Rex's blacks.
"CT-7567, Rex, right?" The unfamiliar brother asked.
Rex gave a short nod.
"I'm guessing that's natural. You pull it off better than me, anyway." The trooper said.
"What?" Rex stammered.
"Your hair, Captain." The trooper rolled his eyes. "I wasn't talking about your kit."
Rex stared at this odd brother. He was relaxed, the opposite of the order he had given Rex earlier.
"Who-"
"Mereel. NULL. You've probably heard of me."
A NULL? Rex felt his jaw drop.
"I thought Skirata-"
"Absconded with us?" Mereel finished for Rex. "Yeah, but Kal'buir is too much of a bleeding heart. Couldn't just leave all you meat pieces for the grinder. I'm here as an inside man."
Mereel hesitated, and then grimaced.
"Well, I was." He said. "I hate to admit it, but the Kaminoans finally did something clever. Managed to block most communications."
Rex frowned. He had heard that the NULLs could break any code and override any system. Surely the Kaminoans couldn't block them out.
"It's only a matter of DNA." Mereel said, as if sensing Rex's thoughts. "They've created a deadzone around Kamino and there's only one way to get a message through. There's one port, that's keyed to one Kaminoan, and they have to biologically plug in to it in order to send or receive anything. And they keep switching the Kaminoan it's keyed to."
Rex blinked at that.
"Sounds- inconvenient." He finally said.
Mereel scowled.
"It is." He said. "Beaten because I don't have fishy enough genes."
"So what do you want me for?" Rex asked. "It sounds like you can't communicate regardless if you have backup."
"I don't want to communicate. I want to get off this shabla dianoga den." Mereel said. "Problem is, all ships require two people to activate. One in the shuttle, one on the ground in the control room."
Rex's mind raced. On one hand, this was incredibly risky. If he was caught, his squad would most definitely be punished. And how many times had he warned Boil about not making trouble?
But if Mereel could get off of Kamino, he could tell the Jedi about Prime. They would have to come for him.
"I have a squad of littles." Rex finally said. "If I get caught-"
"I've been watching you." Mereel said. "Kal'buir gave me your name as a potential ally here. You've been almost totally detached from your squad. It'd be a cost-inefficient waste to terminate a whole squad if their trainer went off the deep end."
"You don't know that." Rex said. "You've heard about what happened to those clones that bombed the place?"
"You're not part of their batch." Mereel said with a raised eyebrow. "Anything wrong with you won't be part of their DNA."
Rex swallowed. This was risky. But every day he lost more and more brothers. He would do what he could to save one.
"All right." Rex said. "What do we need to do?"
Mando'a:
Su cuy'gar: So you're alive! Traditional greeting
vod: brother
Udesii: calm down, used in this instance as be still
Kal'buir: Papa Kal
Let me tell you, it is really nice to have military trained characters with the ability to compartmentalize. Meaning I can do very rude things to them, like murdering Dogma, and have them still be able to function when called upon.
The NULLs can be a bit of a problem to write about. They are SO overpowered, it's not even funny. I think I managed to create a way they can't get around to get Mereel stuck on Kamino.
The scene with Jesse is a little self indulgent, but I don't care. Rex needs to be reminded that there's more to life than just staying alive. That was actually a very early scene I developed and it's good to see it come to fruition. (and yes, that's soup clone. I love him)
Hopefully I won't have to go into a hiatus with the holidays coming up, but we'll see.
Thanks everyone for reading!
Wear your masks, remember to review, and have a great few weeks!