Once again, I am doing this in class, even though I love both the class and the teacher. Not my fault that I'm really busy later...Sorry, Professor.
OneLittleSpark18 - I'm glad you enjoyed the detour! Maybe I should do it more...
Fear Glitch - Thank you! I just like to imagine that Aayla is super aggressive about loving Bly and he's just along for th eride.
4thwallbreak - Lololol. And yeah, I let people heal. Sometimes.
Venomizer - Thank you! And we'll see with Fives!
Back with Obi Wan after a break. Maybe he'll get out of this alive after all. And some more Rex and Ahsoka!
TW: PTSD breakdowns
Mando'a translations at the end!
Obi Wan looked over the decree he was about to present. He had corresponded with several sympathetic Mandalorians over several weeks to draft it.
"Any last minute suggestions?" Obi Wan asked Boba.
Boba shrugged.
"Throw that out, declare cin vhetin, stop being a Jedi, and keep ruling. We could do a lot worse."
Obi Wan raised his eyebrows at Boba's use of 'we.' The boy, especially after spending more time with the Skirata clan, was becoming more and more involved with Mandalorian culture.
"I'm afraid I can't do that." Obi Wan said. He thought of the times he could have renounced his Jedi ways and stayed with Satine. "I could have made that choice a long time ago. I shouldn't make it now."
Boba gave him a side glance.
"You do know what cin vhetin means, right?" He said. "Blank slate. Past doesn't matter."
"To the others, perhaps. But the person who chooses that path must be willing to let go of their past. I'm- not at that point yet."
To Obi Wan's surprise, Boba nodded.
"Makes enough sense." He said. "In that case, this is your best bet."
Obi Wan smirked.
"Thank you." He said. "Then shall we?"
"I don't see why I have to be here." Boba said as they walked towards the balcony where Obi Wan would give the pronouncement.
"I never asked that you come." Obi Wan said.
Boba grunted. They stepped out into the light. A sea of Mandalorian helmets met them. The Force presented Obi Wan with a cocktail of emotions: anger, annoyance, indifference, with a sprinkling of acceptance and even loyalty. Obi Wan suspected that most of the loyalty came from the clones mixed with the crowd.
Obi Wan took a deep breath.
"Mando'ade." He started. "It has been a difficult time for us. Outsiders have led us. We have fought amongst ourselves for these outsiders."
A rumbling came from the crowd and Obi Wan was as uncomfortable as they seemed. He was speaking as one of them, but most of them saw him as an outsider. Obi Wan plowed on.
"You see me as an outsider" He said. "You do not want me as Mandalor."
Confused murmurs came from the crowd.
"I give up the Darksaber."
The Mandalorians went silent for a mere moment before the shouted accusations of cowardice began building. Obi Wan hurried on before the accusations of him being a coward and the inevitable riot started.
"I will not choose who takes it." Obi Wan said loudly over the commotion. "Those who wish to be Mandalor will fight each other to decide."
The yelling stopped, to Obi Wan's surprise. He gave the time and place the duels were to take place. Still there was no cheering or jeering.
"Your leader shall be strong. Mandalore shall be strong." He finished.
His final words echoed across the city. He waited for a response. He received none. Obi Wan stood and returned to the palace, Boba right behind.
It wasn't until a few hours later that messengers began pouring into the palace, reporting the public's response.
It was not what Obi Wan had expected.
"They've given you a title." Fenn Rau reported to Obi Wan. "Mandalor haar mirdala."
Obi Wan blinked. Mandalor the Clever.
Boba started laughing.
"It looks like worming your way out of the position violently enough gets you their respect." He said. "Good job."
The chaos surrounding his announcement did not die in the next few days. In fact, as off world Mandalorians heard the news and returned to Mandalore, things got more unsettled.
A few days after, Obi Wan was reviewing the reports on the unrest, when the door to the Salon crashed open.
"Kenobi!" Bo Katan snarled as she stalked into the room.
Obi Wan wasn't looking at her. His eyes were drawn by the young man following Bo Katan. Kor.
"What the hell are you playing at?" Bo demanded.
"I would think that this would please you." Obi Wan said. "You have a better chance of becoming Mandalor now, since you seemed disinterested in challenging me for the title."
"You're disrespecting the title and the Darksaber!" Bo Katan hissed.
"How?" Obi Wan asked. "The Darksaber must be won through combat. This does not contradict that."
"You're a coward." Bo snapped.
"Aunt-" Kor spoke up for the first time. "Insults are not helping."
He had been avoiding Obi Wan's eyes until this moment. Now he met Obi Wan's gaze with eyes the same color as his mother's.
"Bo Katan," Obi Wan said. "Is there a reason you have returned?"
"Isn't it obvious?" A new voice rang through the chamber. Boba had entered. "She'll jair about it, but she wants the Darksaber."
Bo Katan's already stormy expression darkened. She gave a mirthless laugh.
"What, are you going to go for it, vat scum?"
Obi Wan was surprised when Boba didn't lash out immediately at the insult. Instead the young man shrugged.
"Maybe. What if I am?" He asked. "You gonna stop me?"
"I hope you do." Bo Katan said. "Then I can purge more of Fett's weak blood from the galaxy."
That seemed to get under Boba's armor. Obi Wan too felt nervous at Bo Katan's words. What would she do to the clones that were now Mandalorian?
"Gar akaanir gar akaan ti shi be'lalat." Boba finally said. "I'll fight mine with my blaster."
Bo Katan's eyes widened at the Mandalorian insult. To Obi Wan's surprise, she turned to Kor.
"If you want to talk with Kenobi, do it now." She spat. "Once I'm Mandalor he will be exiled from the planet."
Obi Wan raised his eyes at the pronouncement as Bo whirled around and stalked out of the Salon.
Obi Wan didn't say anything. Neither did Kor. Boba cleared his throat.
"I'll uh- I'll be going then." He said. "Let me know if you want me to take that witch out, Kenobi."
He left. Obi Wan was left alone with his son.
"You didn't know." Kor finally said.
"I assume you didn't, either." Obi Wan said.
Another long pause.
"Why did you leave with Bo Katan?" Obi Wan asked.
Kor let out a short, nearly hysterical snort.
"I just found out my father was a Jedi." He said. "Needless to say I needed a moment."
Kor paused, looking away.
"If you knew about me, would you have stayed with my mother?" He asked.
Obi Wan had hesitated many times in his life, especially regarding Satine. He had hesitated the first time he had been with her, hesitated when she had told him she loved him, hesitated when he had turned his back to leave for the final time.
He did not hesitate now.
"Yes." He said.
He stood up and took a few steps towards Kor. Kor did not move. He looked like a lost child.
"I loved Satine." Obi Wan said, closing the gap further. "I certainly would love her child. Our child."
Kor met his gaze. There was little resentment there, but still hesitation and disbelief.
"Don't feel obligated." Kor said. "I understand if you don't want me as a reminder."
Obi Wan blinked. Goodness, was this what Anakin and Cody felt like when he was being selfless? It was quite irritating.
Obi Wan could feel Kor's longing for a connection with the father he never knew. Obi Wan briefly wondered if the boy had had any replacement. Obi Wan hadn't known his father, but he had had Qui Gon.
"Ni kyr'tayl gai sa'ad." Obi Wan said in halting Mando'a.
I know your name as my child.
Kor's eyes grew wide at the vow. He stared at Obi Wan. Obi Wan hesitated, but put his hands on Kor's shoulders.
"I would very much like to be your father, Kor." He said. "If you will have me."
Kor, to Obi Wan's surprise, shrank back. He looked down and Obi Wan's heart forced itself into his throat.
"I-" Kor said. "This is-"
The boy took a deep breath.
"I would like to try to have a relationship." He said. "But- you weren't in my life for twenty years. This is all a little overwhelming."
Obi Wan removed his hands from Kor's shoulders.
"I'm so sorry." He said. "You are- all that I have left of your mother."
"I understand." Kor said. "And I do want to get to know you. But let's give it time."
"Yes." Obi Wan agreed quickly.
A thought nagged at the back of his mind. He had tried to give it time with Satine. It had ended with her death.
Captain Rex was- was excited the right word? Something was bubbling in his stomach. He had a hard time identifying his emotions lately. It was preferable to the alternative.
Commander Tano poked her head out from the workshop. Captain Rex had asked to come with her today. He wasn't quite sure why.
"Rex, Anakin said that they won't be here for another two hours." Commander Tano said.
Captain Rex did not respond. Words were still difficult for him.
Commander Tano came to stand at his side. She touched his hand. Captain Rex looked down at it.
"Come sit down." She said. "I promise you won't miss them."
Captain Rex did not move at first. He continued to stare at their touching skin. Her touch sparked something inside of him, something that enticed and frightened him at the same time. He had memories of the same feeling but stronger from- before. Before the Kaminoans-
His limbs tensed and he could swear he could feel electricity pouring into his body. His eyes no longer seemed to see the daylight. Fear reared its horrible head and sank its fangs in, turning his veins to ice.
"Rex!"
Something foreign in his mind pushed away the sensations.
"Rex, I need you to listen to me. It's me, Ahsoka. You are with me at Kyrimorut on Mandalore." Commander Tano said. "You are free. You're safe here with me."
He blinked rapidly and he could see her face in front of his. Her expression was worried, he could tell that much. She gently took him by the wrists and helped him feel his neck. There was no collar. She guided his hands to the hem of his shirt. He was not naked. She helped him kneel and feel the warm dirt beneath them. The floor was not cold and smooth. All the while she whispered quiet affirmations that he was safe and that the Kaminoans could not touch him.
He believed her. The world seemed to fade back into existence around him. Captain Rex took a shuddering breath.
"Thank you." He mumbled.
"You did the same for me, remember?" Commander Tano said.
He had. He remembered her frightened eyes and her tearstained face. Was that what he looked like now?
But she had been more than the fear. She had been- was still- vibrant and fierce, kind and stubborn. What was he outside the panic attacks? A blank slate who could barely use his own name.
And still she stayed with him.
Commander Tano was running her hands up and down his upper arms now.
"I- don't want to talk to them." Captain Rex said.
Commander Tano's hands fell still.
"Why not?"
Captain Rex shook his head.
"What's wrong with him now?" He muttered, gesturing to himself.
"I think they're too little to care much." Commander Tano said.
"Those monks can feel the Force flow through them." Captain Rex said.
Commander Tano did not respond right away.
"It might frighten them." She admitted. "It might be hard for them to see you like that. But they still love you. And I think seeing them will help you."
Captain Rex took a deep breath. She was most likely correct. He could not trust his feelings or thoughts most of the time, so he had to rely on her.
"Come in and sit down." She said again. She took his hand. "It'll still be awhile."
Captain Rex let her help him up and lead him into the workshop. At first the sound of the tools and engines was overwhelming to him and he stopped in his tracks.
"There you are, vod!" Commando Fi's voice cut through Captain Rex's temporary haze.
Captain Rex focused on the grinning clone. Brother. He forced himself to correct in his mind. It had been a small goal of his. He wanted to feel like they were his brothers again. The first step, General Jusik had said, was to keep calling them brothers in his head.
"You wanna help me with this?" Commando Fi asked, gesturing to the speeder bike engine he was disassembling. "You're probably gonna be more careful than me."
Captain Rex hesitated, and then crouched down next to Commando Fi. He was pleased, if that was the right emotion he was feeling, that he could do more complicated tasks like this now. Before he could not infer anything about his orders. He would have had to have been guided through every miniscule step.
As he began the work, he remembered doing the same in the speeder parking at their apartment on Coruscant. It had been Commander Tano's. She had complained that it hadn't been sounding right and he had decided, since he had a day off, to surprise her by looking at it. He remembered the events clearly, but the emotions were muddled and hazy. He focused on those emotions, trying to differentiate them. Some of them weren't positive. Frustration? Perhaps. Then Commander Tano had come home, laughed at his attempt, and joined him. His emotions had turned into something bright.
"Rex."
Captain Rex looked up from his work. Commander Tano had come over, smiling. The same emotion from his memories filled him again: shining and light.
Happy. She made him happy.
"They'll be landing soon." She said. "Let's start heading back."
They bid their farewells to Commando Fi and Miss Bralor. Captain Rex felt that bubbling in his stomach again, though it was counterweighted with a heavy emotion that made him not want to see the twins. For now the sparkling emotion overcame it, so Captain Rex was eager as he got on the speeder bike.
He could see the Twilight as they approached. General Skywalker and Chancellor Amidala had disembarked by the time Commander Tano and Captain Rex had arrived. Sergeant Skirata was speaking with them as Commander Tano and Captain Rex approached.
Captain Rex's eyes were drawn to the two babies General Skywalker and Chancellor Amidala were holding.
"Rex!" General Skywalker said. "How are you feeling?"
"I-" Captain Rex stammered. The twins were staring at him now. "I am-"
"'Ex!" Leia chirped.
She reached her short arms out to him. He stepped forward, arms outstretched. General Skywalker held Leia out. Chancellor Amidala did the same with Luke. Captain Rex took the babies into his arms. Luke beamed up at Captain Rex. Leia herself laid her head on his chest. She patted him.
"'Ex." She said.
Captain Rex's emotions were overwhelming him. The bright feeling was- painful. He clutched the twins to his chest. He fell to his knees. Commander Tano had come to his side, placing her hand on his shoulder.
Tears streamed down his face.
He was happy, but it hurt too.
"How is he, really?" Anakin asked.
Ahsoka was with him and Padme, watching Rex and the twins. Luke and Leia were so much larger than Ahsoka had remembered, so much more emotive and mobile. Rex was sitting on the ground, quietly observing the twins' play. They babbled to one another, but occasionally gave their attention to Rex. They would toss a toy at him with the Force and he would catch it. With a slight smile Rex would return the toy and the twins would laugh and clap.
"There's not much else to say." Ahsoka said. "But- lately he's been scratching his scars until he bleeds."
Anakin's eyes widened and he turned to look at Rex. The bandages were still slightly visible above Rex's collar.
"You said he was getting better." Anakin said in a pained tone.
"He is." Ahsoka assured him. "Things are just manifesting in different ways."
She hoped what she said was true.
"The twins seem to be doing him good." Padme noted.
"It's the happiest I've seen him." Ahsoka said. "I wish you could be here all the time."
"Maybe you should come back to Coruscant." Anakin said.
Ahsoka hesitated at his suggestion.
"I don't know." Ahsoka said. "I don't want to think what such a big change would do to him. He takes a lot of comfort from routine."
"He's always liked his routine." Anakin said with a wry smile. "That reminds me."
He walked forward until he was next to Rex. Ahsoka followed him. Rex looked up, mild confusion on his face.
"Rex," Anakin said. "Your squad of cadets have been asking after you. Especially Prime."
The distress that Anakin's words inspired in Rex hurt. Ahsoka immediately put her hand on his shoulder. Leia and Luke stopped their play, staring at Rex. Anakin had recoiled.
"No." Rex said quietly. His knuckles were white as he clenched his fists on his knees. "I can't get involved."
"Rex-" Anakin started and Ahsoka wanted to shove her hand over his mouth.
"Was that an order?" Rex said in a tight voice.
Anakin glanced at Ahsoka and she shook her head sharply.
"No." Anakin said. "It's your choice."
Rex simply shook his head.
Leia had crawled to Rex and put her head on his knee. Rex hesitantly stroked her hair.
Anakin looked at Ahsoka helplessly as they backed away.
"I don't understand." Anakin said. "Prime says the whole squad wants to see him."
"Did- Prime not tell you?" Ahsoka asked.
Anakin looked even more distressed.
"Tell me what?"
Ahsoka hesitated before quietly relating what Rex had done during the evacuation.
"He's ashamed, Anakin." Ahsoka said. "He hates what he did and he feels he doesn't deserve to see them."
Anakin shook his head.
"I'd think he'd jump at the opportunity to make it right." He said.
"That's not how his mind works right now." Ahsoka said.
Anakin watched Rex for a moment longer.
"Ahsoka, if you need a break," He said slowly. "I'm sure we can get Cody or someone to stay with him-"
"No."
Ahsoka herself was startled by the force of her refusal.
"Ahsoka, it's been months." Anakin started.
"I chose this." Ahsoka said. "I love him and I will stay with him."
Anakin's expression grew pained again.
"He's changed-"
"If you were in my place," Ahsoka said. "Would you leave?"
Anakin flinched, as if Ahsoka had struck him.
"Does he know that you won't leave him?"
Padme surprised Ahsoka by speaking up. She was looking at Ahsoka with sympathy. Anakin had shrunk back, looking ashamed.
Ahsoka froze. Rex had all but told her to leave him a few times now. He believed her capable of abandoning him.
Ahsoka knew she would never leave Rex, but he did not.
That night, after the Skywalkers had gone to bed, Ahsoka came to Rex's room for their usual ritual. He didn't quite look at her, but he smiled softly at the floor.
"I missed you." He said.
Ahsoka smiled at his strange, yet familiar greeting. She lay Corellian Nights on the bed and knelt in front of Rex.
He was clearly confused as she took his hands. His fingers were so rough and calloused. But they were warm and gentle too.
How could anyone abandon this man?
"Rex." Ahsoka said. "You've told me that I should go."
Rex squeezed his eyes shut. Ahsoka realized with a horrible jolt that he was thinking that she was telling him she was leaving.
"I'm not leaving." Ahsoka said. "I will never leave you."
Rex's eyes were still closed, tight creases fanning from the corners.
"I can't stay with you." He muttered.
He had sharply gestured to her and then himself, changing his words to you can't stay with me.
"No, Rex." Ahsoka said. "I love you. Why would I go?"
"There's no sense in risking yourself for my sake."
"You are not a burden." Ahsoka said, squeezing his hands. "You are not holding me back. I choose to stay with you."
He bowed his head.
"Thank you." He said in a thick voice.
Then, inch by inch, he lowered his face towards hers. Ahsoka held her breath and tilted her own head up. He stopped short of her. His face was centimeters from hers. She could feel his warm breath. His hands trembled in her grip. His eyes were still closed.
"I-" He struggled to say. "I-"
Ahsoka could feel him try to show her something through their recovering bond. She couldn't see it clearly.
She could also feel the terrible conflict within him, two sides raging at each other for control.
He jerked away from her, ripping his hands from hers. He curled in on himself. Ahsoka had to grab his wrists as he tried to claw at the still healing scabs on his neck.
"It's okay." She soothed, though she felt sick. "It's okay."
He shook his head.
"Good soldiers-" He muttered. "Good soldiers-"
7567 had won.
He repeated the words over and over. Eventually they faded, as did his straining against her grip. He lay limp on his bed, breathing heavily.
Ahsoka didn't know what else to do besides grabbing the book and beginning to read.
He didn't react to her. It was only a few minutes before his breathing evened out and he was asleep, clearly exhausted by the emotions of the day.
Ahsoka put Corellian Nights down and watched Rex for a while longer. His brow was still furrowed. What horror was he reliving?
She leaned down and kissed his cheek.
"I love you." She murmured against his skin and his mind. "I won't leave you. I will protect you."
She pulled the blankets over him and left for her own quarters.
This isn't the end. Ahsoka reminded herself. He's still healing.
And one day he'd be able to tell her that he loved her.
Mando'a:
cin vhetin: fresh start, clean slate - lit. white field, virgin snow - term indicating the erasing of a person's past when they become Mandalorian, and that they will only be judged by what they do from that point onwards
Mando'ade: Mandalorians - lit. children of Mandalore
Mandalor haar mirdala: Mandalor the clever
jair - scream/shriek
Gar akaanir gar akaan ti shi be'lalat: You fight your battles with your tongue (an insult I made up)
Ni kyr'tayl gai sa'ad: The Mandalorian adoption vows- lit. I know your name as my child.
vod: brother
Honestly, I think Obi Wan could just leave without dealing with things and the Mandalorians would figure things out. But he has too much respect for them to not at least try to leave them with an acceptable replacement. Boba has gained respect for both Obi Wan and the Mandalorians.
Bo is pisssssssed. She's just so flabbergasted that Obi Wan is just getting rid of the title that she wanted so badly. Plus she's still angry that he's Mandalor in the first place. Originally I was going to have Kor basically leap into Obi Wan's arms, but I realized it might be a bit soon. They need time to actually develop more of a relationship. But it's a good start
Rex has grown into calling himself Captain Rex! Progress! More progress, he's working with his emotions, and he and Ahsoka can usually get through any flashbacks without too much problem. He is talking in quotes, I hope with Ahsoka's responses you get the idea.
Babies are here to heal Rex and give him the hugs he deserves. Rex is still dealing with horrific guilt over Prime.
I'm really pleased with how the last scene turned out. Perfect blend of romance and angst.
Okay, I think that's all for now!
Stay safe, remember to review, and have a great week!