Episode 2: Investigation
Today did not go exactly as planned for the Umbra Witch, Bayonetta.
After hunting down Pit in an attempt to take out the angel, the witch was forced to attend a "session" with Dr. Mario, who seems to using his doctor persona to solve behavioral and psychological problems - just like what Dr. Phil does. This session of sorts took place on the day after Christmas.
"Such a lovely office space you have here," Bayonetta looked around as she sat in her chair in Dr. Mario's office - an office Mr. Game & Watch had constructed for him. Better than having doctor appointments and checkups in Mario's own room...
"My office space does-a not matter!" frowned Dr. Mario. "What does matter is your conduct as of late. Ever since you've been here at this mansion, your main focus has been hunting down Pit!"
"Well? I hunt angels. It's what I do."
Bayonetta: So what if I hunt angels for a living? It's something I take a great deal of delight and pleasure in.
"And on-a Christmas day, you shoot-a Captain Falcon in the leg and-a send him to the hospital!"
"I just did all the ladies here a huge solid. Don't know what you're talking about."
"My point is, you need to stop being so violent around others. Soon enough your fellow brawlers will be afraid of you."
"Like how you're afraid to ask Peach out on a date?"
Dr. Mario suddenly blanked out.
"Why-a you gotta bring-a Peach into this?" he asked.
"I can sense your fear..." Bayonetta got up from her seat. "Your nerves must be tingling at the very thought of Peach, there's so much you want to say to her..." The witch began stroking Mario's chin.
"I don't-a know what mind-a games you're playing woman...but-a you better stop this-a instant!"
"The only mind games are the internalized ones you're playing inside your head. Oh, and by the way...thanks for your little session."
Dr. Mario began to look off in the distance.
"Ta-ta!" Bayonetta waved to a distraught Dr. Mario as she left the office.
"Um, yes, that'll be 35 pepperonis, 30 veggie lovers, 30 extra cheeses, and 25 sausages," Samus spoke on the phone with a pizzeria in the lounge of the Smash Mansion. "Yes, yes, I am well aware I'm ordering more pizza than usual. And no, I don't have rupees! Why you can't you take actual money for once?!...$1560? Alright then. I'll pay the delivery boy at the front door. Okay then, bye."
Samus promptly hung up the phone. She certainly dislikes ordering pizza, mainly because she's always tasked to place an order. Moreover, she didn't want to hear Wario's big mouth whenever he complained about her not ordering any hot wings. And when he sees those veggie pizzas...you don't want to know how he reacts when he sees them.
Samus: Why did it have to be pizza? Why couldn't we just do taco night instead?! Curse you Mario, and your bloated, oversensitive stomach!
"Must be tough dealing with impatient employees," smirked Chrom, who was on the couch reading the latest edition of Swordsman Weekly - a sword-fighting magazine the sword-wielding brawlers usually read. Lloyd managed to get Cloud hooked to the magazine - presumably through his annoyances.
"How about you make a phone call to this dumb pizzeria, and see how well you'll fare," retorted Samus.
"As if...though I would rather deal with them than having to put up with Wario."
"Chrom I need your help man!" Fox scurried into the lounge, and jumped on the couch. "It's a dire emergency!"
"Can it wait?" sighed Chrom. Fox gets all hasty and impetuous when it comes to these "dire emergencies". Could it be a psychological trait he inherited from putting up with Skippy during his missions?
"I ain't got no time to wait, this has life-or-death implications written all over it!"
"Life-or-death implications such as...?"
"...Getting dumped by your love."
Chrom instantly knew what he was talking about. Fox must be having some issues with Krystal.
Chrom: Fox's and Krystal's romantic relationship is like a typical Michael Bay movie - it looks good on paper, but you know it's bound to screw up somehow, with a lot of explosions at hand.
"I'm sure that whatever problem you have, Falco will be there to solve it," Chrom said assuredly.
"Except Falco can't solve it...but you can," Fox pointed at Chrom.
"Why should I, the Exalt of the Halidom of Ylisse, be of assistance for you?"
"Because of a new year's resolution I made...to go on a date with Krystal."
Chrom gave Fox an astonished look. Is Fox sure he's ready to do this?
"Why would you want to go on a date with Krystal when you act all shy around her?" questioned Samus, who was eavesdropping on the conversation.
"Begone with you!" demanded Fox. Samus shook her head as she headed out of the lounge...
"Did you order my hot wings?" Wario immediately ambushed Samus as soon as the exited the lounge, as if he was waiting outside the exit. "Please tell me you ordered my hot wings! That delivery boy better not bring any veggie pizzas if there aren't any hot wings!"
"...Point of the matter is, I need your help with getting a date with Krystal," Fox continued. "After all, you are a expert at romance..."
"Whoever said I was an expert at romance?"
"Lucina once spoke of a time when some girl named Sumia tried to flirt with you...she even gave you pie!"
Chrom: If I had a dollar for every embarrassing and unflattering story Lucina tells, I could afford my own mansion...
"Sumia's advances was just one mere instance. Doesn't automatically qualify me as some 'romantic expert'."
"So who else should I consult for guidance? You're my only hope, man!"
"Captain Falcons gets around pretty well with the ladies. Certainly he should provide you with more advice and guidance than I."
"Has he yet to go on a date, let alone acquire some form of romantic solidarity?"
Chrom had no answer for this.
Zelda was in the library, searching for three books in particular - A Hyrulean Bestiary, Legend of the Picori, and A History of Masks, all of which pertain to a study the princess of Hyrule is working on. As he search through the library, she caught Link using the library's lone computer. Quite rare of a sight, considering Link seldom uses computers.
Zelda: Last time I remember Link using a computer, he was on to find out if he had any parents. Eventually, he found that he never really had parents - even though I could have just told him myself. Now he hates the internet to this very day, all because of that stupid website.
"What are you doing?" Zelda approached the hero in green. It appeared he was working on some sort of website-building program.
"None of your business," Link replied without taking his gaze off the screen. Gaze at that monitor any longer, and he could quickly develop eyestrain. Can't have a problem like that when you're brawling!
"That is no way to talk to a princess!"
"Shhh!" Gil, the de facto librarian, shushed Zelda when he raised her voice. Seems like Gil has been spending too much of his time in the library...not that it's a bad thing.
"Explain to me why you're using this computer."
"Starting a new website, has to do with messaging services," responded Link. His eyes were still fixated on the monitor.
"Messaging services? Do you even know anything about that?"
"Of course I do. Ask R.O.B."
"Where can I find R.O.B?"
"In the compute room."
So Zelda went to the computer room, where she saw Yoshi, Lloyd, Tails, and Alfe using computers...and doing the same thing Link was doing. R.O.B was present in the room, chilling in the back. What could he possibly be up to?
"R.O.B, we need to talk!" Zelda confronted the robot. "Link's on the computer in the library and he's been acting very strange. What are you making him do?!"
"CREATING...WEBSITE FOR...MESSAGING SERVICES..." a robotic voice emitted from R.O.B. Tails added this feature in so R.O.B could communicate with the other brawlers.
"Care to explain why you have these four doing the dirty work for you? They're all turning into brainless idiots!"
"Work hard, play hard, strive all night.." Yoshi uttered in a monotone voice without taking his gaze off the monitor.
"In fact, none of them probably don't know a single thing about messaging services!"
"Neither do you!" retorted Alfe.
Alfe: Messaging services does have something to do with smartphones, right?
Yoshi: Smartphones do send text messages...and there's also phone services...
Alfe: Could this possibly aid me in my aspiring career as a Verizon customer service representative?
Yoshi: Not exactly what I would call aspiring...but to each their own.
"Do you know anything about this messaging service?" Zelda asked Tails.
"Basically we're building a website that sorta works like a social media platform," explained Tails. "R.O.B is pretty much funding this whole thing, but we're pitching in as well."
"And why is Link a part of this?"
"Nobody else was gullible enough," replied Lloyd.
Zelda groaned as he exited the computer room. Evidently she had enough.
"Someone's salty..." remarked Alfe.
Yoshi took out a salt shaker and shook it, getting salt all over his keyboard.
"...Put that salt shaker down," ordered Lloyd. Yoshi did as he was told.
Zelda: R.O.B has my precious Link dabbling in some social media affairs, when he's not even that much familiar with computers. I suspect an underlying motive in this initiative...time to get into the bottom of this.
Outside the Smash Mansion, a group of seven brawlers were playing football, with Mario as the quarterback, Shulk as the running back, Roy as the wide receiver, Donkey Kong as the center, Wario as the defensive end, Doc Louis as the linebacker, and Sonic as the cornerback. They were all playing in the mansion's backyard.
"Hut one, hut two, hut three..." said Donkey Kong as he prepared to snap the ball.
*roughly five minutes later*
"...Hut three hundred and one, hut three hundred and two, hut three hundred and three..." Kong was still doing the snap count. Had there been a play clock, Donkey Kong probably would've gotten himself penalized.
"Snap the ball already, I can't hold this stance any longer!" complained Doc Louis. Sitting in a linebacker stance was proving to be hazardous to the boxing trainer's legs.
Donkey Kong finally snapped the ball to Mario, who gave it to Shulk. The Monado wielder breezed past past Wario and Doc, before being tackled by Sonic, ending a thirty-yard gain.
"Glad you all could witness my best Trent Richardson impersonation!" grinned Shulk. The others simply rolled their eyes.
The next play was a play-action play; Mario faked the ball to Shulk, and threw it to Roy, who caught the ball and ran past Sonic for a touchdown.
Roy: Got the first points in the game! Take that, Shulk!
Sonic: Of all the people I could be playing against, I let Roy beat me in coverage?! But hey, at least it wasn't Ganondorf...man, that guy is slow...
"Nice spiral you threw there," Bayonetta showed up, applauding for Mario.
"Leave-a me alone woman, let-a me be!" demanded Mario, not wanting anything to do with the Umbra Witch.
"There's no need to get all angry and furious...you never show those emotions when you're with Peach, don't you?"
"Rarely do I ever get-a angry with Peach..." Mario began to blush, before he snapped out of it. "Look at what-a you're doing to-a me woman!"
"What I'm doing to you?" scoffed Bayonetta. "You're doing it to yourself."
"Am-a not!" Mario folded his arms.
"Mario are we gonna continue the game or what?" asked Donkey Kong. "We have to score the extra points!"
"We shall-a talk later," Mario said to Bayonetta as he returned to the game. Bayonetta smirked, and walked away.
Pit sat on his bed in his room, lying in a fetal position while sucking his thumb. The Flying Man was with him, comforting him. Staying in his room was the only way Pit could manage to avoid Bayonetta.
"Do not be afraid, Pit, for I am your courage!" proclaimed the Flying Man.
Pit: How many times is he going to say that dumb phrase?! Wonder how Ness was able to put up with this guy...
"Hey loser!" Dark Pit greeted his counterpart as he entered the room. "Still scared of that oh-so-scary witch?"
"She's not scary," said Pit.
"Then why don't you get out of this room and face her like a man?"
"I'm not a man yet, I'm just a boy!"
"And a boy you'll be forever if you keep acting like a little baby!"
Pit glared Dark Pit down.
Dark Pit: I just love making Pit mad - he doesn't retort with a comeback or anything, he just makes this funny face like he's constipated or something.
"Got a gift for you," Dark Pit tossed Pit a Game Boy Color.
"I don't want this crap," Pit threw the handheld system on the floor.
"But Pit, it's Shantae!" the Flying Man picked up the Game Boy Color and looked at the cartridge. "A true classic!"
"Did you just say Shantae?" Pit snatched the Game Boy Color away from the Flying Man and turned it on. "I've always wanted to play this! Thanks, Dark Pit!"
"Yeah, sure, whatever keeps you from acting like a baby..." Dark Pit exited the room, as Pit began playing Shantae.
Zelda, now under the alter ego of Sheik, snooped around the mansion for clues regarding R.O.B's messaging services website. She hid upon the ceiling of one hallway, and she watched as Lucario and Corrin walked down said hallway.
"Heard about the website Link and the boys are working on?" Lucario asked Corrin.
"No I haven't, though I'm not really knowledgeable about websites and computers and whatnot," replied Corrin. "What is the purpose of this website anyway?"
"From what I've heard, it has to do with social media...and business transactions."
Sheik dropped down from the ceiling and pounced on Lucario and Corrin, squashing the two.
"Can't...breathe..." Corrin heaved. He certainly didn't expect to get squashed by a ninja during his time at the Smash Mansion.
"Tell me more about the website!" demanded Sheik.
"Link told me not to share any information with certain individuals!" said Lucario. "Also, why do you want to know so bad?
"And how long have you been eavesdropping on us?" Corrin also asked.
"All of that is none of your concern!" said Sheik. "Where is R.O.B getting the funding from?"
"Battle...networking...systems..." Lucario responded as he tried to get up, but to no avail.
"Battle networking systems? That could only mean...EXE must be have something to do with this website!"
Sheik: .EXE's creator is Yuichiro Hikari...perhaps he's the one behind the funding!
Sheik got off of Lucario and Corrin, as she dashed away with her ninja speed.
"How often does she do this?" Corrin asked Lucario, as he rubbed his back.
"Roughly more than twice a week, depending on the day or mood," replied Lucario. "Usually it has something to do with Link either way..."
"Do I really have to wear this dumb suit?" Fox asked Chrom, as Falco and Wolf fixed up the fox's tuxedo in his room, with Chrom watching.
"If you want to impress Krystal, you have to look as sharp as possible," replied Chrom. "The best way to do that is to get comfortable in your tux."
Wolf: Fox looks like a complete goofball in his tuxedo. Then again, he looks like a goofball all the time. Don't know what Krystal sees in that man...
"Cheer up, Fox, you should be excited to be going on a date with a gal like Krystal," Falco said as he buttoned the tuxedo. "When was the last time you went on a date with Krystal to begin with?"
"Don't even remember," replied Fox. "That's why I'm so nervous..."
"Fox McCloud!" Ryu entered Fox's room, without being invited. So rude...
"Go away Ryu, I'm busy right now."
"But I can be of great assistance to you! Did you not say that you were nervous? I can work with you, and I can ease your nerves so your date will go exactly as planned!"
"I've got it all covered, Ryu," assured Chrom. "You don't have to help Fox in any capacity whatsoever."
Ryu: Fox needs my help, I just know it! Chrom can't help him forever...but he can bake him a rhuburb-and-fiddlehead pie to give to his love! After all, Lucina did say that Sumia girl made it for Chrom, and he actually liked it! So why shouldn't Fox's girl like it as well?
"Maybe I can help Fox with his approach!" said Ryu.
"You do act differently around Krystal..." Falco said to Fox. "...Perhaps Ryu could patch you up. Sounds like a plan, Chrom?"
"Eh, I suppose it could work..." Chrom shrugged.
Pit was still in his room, playing the Shantae game on the Game Boy Color. Kirby entered the room.
"Ever heard of knocking?" questioned Pit. Believe it or not, Pit has a grudge against Kirby. Of all the people to hold a grudge against...
Pit: Kirby is the only person here who lacks manners...well, aside from Wario, that is. He thinks he can belch, pass gas, and cut people in line like it's nobody's business, and he always gets by with his cutesy appearance. Hate to break it to you, but Kirby is the ugliest thing to ever exist!
Geno: *from afar* If that's the case, then what does that make you?
Pit:...Handsome, of course!
"Hi!" Kirby waved to Pit and the Flying Man, uttering the only intelligible word in his vocabulary.
"What do you want, you pink creep?" asked Pit. Kirby pointed to the Game Boy Color. "Ain't no way I'm gonna let you play this!"
Kirby didn't want to play the game it seems; instead he sucked up the Game Bay Color, like it was cherry pie.
"You...you monster!" Pit sobbed. "I wasn't even finished with the game yet, and I was beating the final boss, too!"
Kirby happily skipped away as he exited the room. Eating a handheld gaming system, and then walking away as if he did nothing wrong...such savagery.
"He will surely pay, and he'll pay dearly..." vowed Pit.
"Cash or credit?" asked the Flying Man.
"He'll pay...in dignity."
Cloud sat in his room, playing with his pet Chocobo. Lloyd sat in his side of the room, working away on a laptop he borrowed from Mega Man X.
"Never saw you using a digital device before," Cloud said to the fellow swordsman. "What seems to be the occasion?"
"I'm working on a website that R.O.B is creating," replied Lloyd. Even in their free time, R.O.B still expects his workers to work away on the project.
"The website Link was working on in the library? Seems phony to me."
Cloud: First Link and Tails, and now Lloyd. And it appears that Alfe and Yoshi are in on this project as well. My best guess is that those two are just trying to fit in. They're not exactly the coolest dudes here in the mansion.
"Your little website thing seems like a fraud," Cloud continued as he fed his Chocobo. "Especially the funding part. How is a robot like R.O.B able to fund a project when he's not generating any revenue?"
"R.O.B models are a hit in Japan..." replied Lloyd. "He's probably generating money in Southeast Asia."
"If so you think..."
"Oh man, I just came across some error!" Lloyd exclaimed as an error message popped up on the laptop.
"An error like your life?"
Lloyd glared Cloud down. Cloud Strife one, Lloyd Irving zero.
Sheik continued snooping around the mansion, searching for clues or evidence surrounding R.O.B's website. Her snooping led her to the vendor room - a room filled with vending machines - where Link, Dunban, and Mega Man .EXE were present. Sheik hid near the entrance of the room so she could eavesdrop on the men.
"Link I'm afraid I have some bad news..." .EXE said to the hero of Hyrule. "...R.O.B's website has been bought out!"
"Bought out?" exclaimed Link. "What could that possibly mean?"
"Someone has purchased the website's domain, and is planning to use it for their own purposes. My creator, Yuichiro Hikari, found out about this not so long ago."
"Hikari must be the one funding the website, he has to!" Sheik whispered to herself.
"Hey they mama, watcha doing all alone?" Captain Falcon approached Sheik; the ninja grabbed the racer by the neck and pressed on several pressure points, knocking him out unconscious and laying him on the ground.
Captain Falcon: Sheik is so fine man...the way she puts me in a chokehold and then puts me to sleep...on top of that she remains calm and collected, and acts like Princess Zelda, a dignified woman. I would pay to see those two meet each other...I say the same thing to my fellow brawlers, and they just point and laugh at me...why is that so?
"Perhaps there's a way to counter this issue," said Dunban, as he got his soft drink from the vending machine and opened it. "Ever heard of Kickstarter?"
"Dunban, we're trying to get our website back," Link told the Homs. "Not rev up Jacky Bryant's race car."
"No, no, no, you got it all wrong," said .EXE. "Kickstarter is a corporation that can help fund creative projects. Instead of outsider funding, there's a corporation that can fund the website for you!"
"Seems like an interesting idea," Link stroke his chin. He still doesn't know how Kickstarter works.
Dunban: Shulk and I once used Kickstarter to fund pencil-sharpening business. (Shulk's idea, not mine). We barely got any funding at all, mainly because Kickstarter thought our business idea was beyond stupid. We would try and start the business in the mansion, but it's not worth having the brawlers judge us in any capacity.
"Altering the name of your website around could help you in your efforts," Dunban told Link. "What's the name of your website?"
"Space Love," replied Link. Sounds more of a dating site than anything social media related...
"Space Love?" whispered Sheik. "Who came up with that?"
"May I have this dance, ma'am?" a very wonky Captain Falcon asked as he woke up from his unconsciousness. Shiek pressed one of his pressure points, making him unconscious again.
"Why not add a few numbers in the domain name?" .EXE suggested. "Nobody would ever suspect a thing!"
"Seems kind of risky, but it's worth a shot," said Link.
Sheik ran off, hoping to accrue more clues and information.
"Baby, come back!" Captain Falcon woke up once more.
K.K. Slider played his guitar in the foyer of the mansion, and he was feeling a little down in the dumps, as evidenced by the melancholy tune he was playing.
"Is there anything wrong?" Lucina approached the dog.
"It's my concert..." K.K. replied. "There's a bunch of musical pieces I wanna perform, but I don't have any instrumentation, other than my guitar. Which is why I'm in a dire need of a musical ensemble."
K.K: Jigglypuff is my only other source of music, and her sleep-inducing singing can only do so much for my musical prowess. Hanging up "BAND MEMBERS WANTED" signs around the mansion would be a little too tacky...
"I can put together a musical ensemble, if you like," said Lucina.
"Oh yeah, that would be wicked!" smiled K.K.
"When does your concert start?"
"8:00 PM sharp. I've rented some space outside to hold the concert. You must have at least three guys or gals before the concert start time!"
"Okay then, I'll start gathering some people right now," Lucina left, as K.K. continued playing his guitar - albeit in a slightly happier tune.
Pit and the Flying Man hid behind the bushes in the Smash Mansion's garden, which was tended to by Viridi. The angel's arch-nemesis, Kirby, was smelling flowers. The savagery continues...
"Just look at that thug, smelling flowers even though he doesn't have a nose!" Pit whispered to the Flying Man. "Still can't believe he had the audacity to eat my Game Boy Color! We will punish him severely!"
"But he's so cute..." whispered the Flying Man. "He's like a giant plush doll you just want to squeeze till it's tight!"
Flying Man: Did I just make myself look weird with that analogy?
"Excuse me!" Viridi sneaked up on the duo, scaring the living daylights out of them. "What business do you two have here?"
"Our business here involves the eradication of Kirby!"
"Isn't that King Dedede's job?"
"King Dedede sucks at his job, which is why we're doing it for him!"
"Also, why would you want to eradicate someone as cute as Kirby? He never does anything wrong!"
"That's what he wants you to think! His cuteness and gaiety is just a facade for him to get away with stuff he shouldn't!"
Viridi: Wanna know why Pit has a grudge against Kirby? One day, Palutena was talking about Kirby, and how he was cutest thing in the entire universe, or something like that. Pit apparently took offense to what Palutena said, and now he hates on Kirby to this very day...
"Look, if you want to 'eradicate' Kirby and whatnot, and then speak to those bozos, they'll probably show you a way," Viridi directed Pit's and the Flying Man's attention to Olimar and Diddy Kong, who were playing with Pikachu.
"My turn, my turn..." Diddy said as he touched Pikachu, getting himself electrocuted. He and Olimar laughed, while Pikachu was scratching his head, wondering how he ended up in this situation.
"Yeah those guys know what's up!" Pit went over to Olimar and Diddy, as the Flying Man followed along.
"Fools..." Viridi shook her head as she went back to tending the garden.
"Sup guys!" Pit greeted Olimar and Diddy.
"Hey Pit," said Olimar. "What brings you here to the garden?"
"I'm conspiring of a plan to take out that thug over there," Pit pointed at Kirby, who was still smelling flowers. "He ate my Game Boy Color!"
"Kirby is a thug?" questioned Diddy. "In what way?"
"Don't you see how he uses his cuteness to manipulate everyone? It's sickening!"
"Hmmm..." Olimar stroked his chin...erm, helmet. "You have a good point there."
Olimar: Pit has made a very compelling argument about Kirby. Sometimes I can't stand the puffball myself!
Diddy Kong: Same here, man! Remember that one time, when Kirby ate Peach's strawberry cake, and Robin received all the blame because everyone was afraid to punish Kirby?
Olimar: Since then, Robin was never allowed inside the kitchen without a freaking chaperon...all because of Kirby!
"We shall help you take out Kirby," Olimar said to Pit. "How do you wish to carry out your plan?"
"By destroying him and ridding him from the face of the earth!" replied Pit. Destroying Kirby? He can't be that serious, right?
"Nah, that sounds too far-fetched," said Diddy. "Why not prank him instead?"
"Will the prank destroy Kirby in the process?"
"We'll see..."
Wolf was in the dressing room of the mansion, behind a dressing panel, as Peach, Zelda, and Rosalina were doing unspeakable things to him - unspeakable things such as a beauty makeover of some sort.
"I got a bad feeling about this..." said Fox, as he, Falco, Chrom, and Ryu awaited for Ryu's experiment to commence. Chrom thought that the plan would be a little awkward on Fox's part, but Ryu felt confident in his plan.
Ryu: Fox won't be able to ask Krystal out if his composure is like that of a stagnant turtle! This "simulation" will aid him in a way that he won't feel nervous when asking her out!
"All done!" Rosalina announced. "We present to you...Krystal!"
Wolf walked out of the dressing panel, wearing a wig similar to Krystal's hair, as well as sporting a necklace around his forehead. The men couldn't help but laugh at Wolf.
"Man you look ridiculous!" Falco snickered. The three women appeared out of the dressing panel, and they started to giggle.
"You all suck so much," grumbled Wolf. Agreeing to doing this will go down as one of the poorest choices he could ever make.
"Alright Ryu, you have Wolf look like Krystal with the wig and the makeup and all, so what's next?" asked Ryu.
"Fox must approach Wolf as if he was Krystal," explained Ryu. "He knows where to go from there!"
Wolf: Ryu just earned himself a top spot on my lifetime list with this "experiment"...
So Fox went up to Wolf...only to burst out in laughter.
"I can't do this, it's just too funny!" he laughed as he fell to the floor, continuously laughing.
"Can we just have a dummy of Krystal?" asked Wolf. "It would be so much easier..."
"There should be a trophy of Krystal in the trophy storage room," said Zelda. "Only problem is, Mr. Game & Watch has the key, and asking him will be no easy task."
"Somebody better go ask him! Peach, you get along with Mr. Game & Watch pretty well, maybe you should ask him for the key!"
"I'm pretty sure he's busy right now, I don't want to disturb him," responded Peach. Wolf's eye began to twitch.
"Arrgh that does it! This is all your fault!" Wolf pointed at Chrom. "You just had to help Fox with his romantic problems!"
"Did I come up with the experiment?" questioned Chrom. "I don't think so..."
Wolf leaped at Chrom, knocking him to the floor. He then took his belt off, and proceeded to whip Chrom with it.
"Wolf stop it this instant!" shouted Rosalina.
"Don't tell me what to do, woman!" Wolf shouted back. "Chrom must pay!"
"Keep it up, you two!" Falco was filming Wolf whipping Chrom on his cellphone. Whether or not the video of this scene would go viral remains to be seen.
"Yo, Zelda, Dark Pit and I are going out for archery practice, and since you wield a bow and all, I was wondering if..." Sonic entered the dressing room, and was perplexed by what was going on - Wolf playing as Krystal, Chrom getting whipped by Wolf, Falco recording the whipping on his phone, and Fox rolling on the floor laughing. It was simply too much for the hedgehog to handle.
"I take it you mentioned something about archery practice, Sonic?" asked Zelda.
"Um, no...forget about it...I'll just...ask at a more convenient time..." Sonic backed away before speeding off.
Following the backyard football game, Mario went to Bayonetta's room, so he could have a talk with the Umbra Witch. But when he arrived, he only saw Snake, tossing a grenade around in his hands.
"Came here for Bayonetta, I reckon?" asked the former FOXHOUND agent.
"Why-a yes, and-a how did you know?" Mario asked.
"What can I say, I'm a spy."
Snake: Does Mario not know me that well? I spy on brawlers 24/7...actually 23/7, since I take an occasional nap on a daily basis. Either Mario is forgetful, or he is suffering from memory loss just like me...
"Have-a any idea where-a Bayonetta went?" asked Mario.
"Beats me, though she mentioned something about handling some business."
"She must be going after Pit! Or Dark Pit even!"
"Woah, hold yer horses! Let's not jump off to assumptions now...Anyway, have you heard about K.K. Slider's concert tonight?"
"From what I've heard, it was supposed to be cancelled, since K.K. doesn't have a musical ensemble.
"Or so you may have thought - Lucina is helping the hippie dog gather an ensemble for him.
After much time, Lucina finally assembled the perfect ensemble for K.K. Slider's concert. This ensemble consisted of Young Link (ocarina), Toon Link (flute), Red (Poke Flute), Duck Hunt dog (triangle), Villager (guitar), Ness (drums), and Dark Pit (harp). K.K. was overjoyed by the ensemble.
"You did it, girl, you gathered the perfect ensemble for my concert!" he said with glee. "All I need to do now is get you all comfortable, so when you play together, it will be musical bliss!"
"How much do we get paid?" Red raised his hand.
"Good gravy, it's your first time performing, and you're concerned about getting paid?!"
"I need as much money as possible so I could buy that Porygon from the Pokemon Arcade."
"Buying Pokemon from an establishment?" Lucina raised an eyebrow. "Isn't that illegal?"
"It is never illegal! Educate yourself, woman!"
"Don't you EVER talk back to me like that again!"
Red: Pac-Man is trying to purchase that Porgyon before I do! Dude doesn't even play Pokemon, so why would he need a Porygon in the first place?
"Another question," said Red. "Do you mind if I include my Pokemon in the ensemble? Surely they are musically talented as I am!"
"Name me one Pokemon of yours that can play an instrument," said K.K.
"Everybody knows Pokemon can't play instruments. But my Pokemon can improvise! Come on out!"
Red threw his three Poke balls in the air, and Squirtle, Ivysaur, and Charizard all came out.
"Alright, you three, show K.K. your musical abilities!" commanded Red. The three Pokemon looked at each other in utter confusion. Is Red being serious?
"Red, I'm sorry, but your Pokemon can't contribute in any way," Toon Link told the Pokemon trainer. To him, including Red in the ensemble was a horrid idea, because the trainer would try and get his Pokemon involved.
"Oh they can contribute! Ivysaur, use Vine Whip to make some sound! Charizard, flap your wings! And Squirtle...you just clap your hands.
So Ivysaur repeatedly used Vine Whip in the air, Charizard flapped his wings, and Squirtle clapped his hands, generating some rather feint sounds. Needless to say, nobody was impressed.
Ness: Sometimes you've got to wonder what must be going through the Pokemon's minds when they have to deal with someone like Red. You would expect them to ditch Red by now...
"Was that not the greatest thing you ever heard?" asked Red.
"I don't think that would considered musical in any way..." replied Young Link.
"...Maybe not, but it can't possibly compare to this!"
Red started playing his Poke flute, as a beautiful tune emitted from the instrument. Everyone was in awe.
"Wow...I must say, that was the most pleasant tune I've heard all day!" remarked Lucina.
"Outtasight!" K.K. gave Red a thumbs up...though he doesn't have any thumbs.
"Yes!" Red raised his arms in the air - the Poke Flute flew upwards and crashed on the ground, breaking it in the process.
"Uh oh..." K.K. looked on.
"MY BABY!" Red knelt down at the remnants of his beloved Poke flute and held the pieces in his hand, as he began to sob.
Duck Hunt Dog: *laughs*
It was now evening time at the Smash Mansion. There was a knock at the door.
"Is that the Porygon I ordered online from the Pokemon Arcade?" Pac-Man wondered as he ran to the front door and answered it - only to find a lanky pizza delivery boy. He looked timid and scared - the look on his face must be telling that he probably dealt with baddies like Bowser and Ganondorf before.
"H-Hello sir," greeted the delivery boy.
"Hey there buddy!" smiled Pac-Man. "I see you got a lot of pizza boxes there." Indeed - the delivery boy had a couple of boxes in his hand, and the rest were in a wagon. You know there's a lot of pizza ordered if the pizza boxes are in a wagon, rather than the pizza delivery vehicle.
"That fat Mario wannabe isn't around here, is he?"
"He's probably hibernating right now, so you have nothing to worry about!"
"Whoever said I was hibernating, I'm not a stinking bear!"
Wario showed up, furious as ever. His eye caught the delivery boy, who whimpered at the sight of the Wario - the main reason why he's so afraid.
"There he is! Gotta hide!" the delivery boy handed Pac-Man the pizza boxes and hid in his vehicle.
"Did he get my hot wings?" Wario confronted Pac-Man.
"See for yourself," replied Pac-Man. Wario went through the stuff, and didn't find a single box of hot wings. Boy, was he mad."
"No hot wings?!" He then grabbed the pizza boxes from outside and inspected them, and gaped at the first glance of veggie pizza. For Wario, having more veggie pizzas and hot wings (or no hot wings at all) was an utter travesty.
Pac-Man: If Wario's so concerned about his hot wings, why can't he order some himself?! Dude owns a giant corporation, he has a plethora of money to get all the hot wings he wants!
"I'll be coming for you one of these days!" Wario shook his fist at the delivery boy, who drove away.
"Pizza's here!" Pac-Man announced. Samus appeared.
"Wario, did you harass the delivery boy again?" she asked the fatso.
"I honestly don't know where you get that false information from," Wario crossed his arms and looked away. "Just because I'm technically evil and all doesn't mean I would mean to harass some lousy wimp!"
"So explain the restraining order from the pizzeria."
"The one against Palutena after she verbally abused an employee for calling her a ma'am? It was well deserved in my opinion."
Wario: True story - I once battered a delivery boy for getting only delivering veggie pizzas without a single box of my hot wings. I tried to convince the pizzeria that he was a masochist and that he beat his own self up, but apparently they didn't buy into my claim.
"SAMUS ARAN..." R.O.B hovered towards Samus. "WE NEED TO SPEAK..."
R.O.B took Samus to the computer room, where Link, Alfe, Yoshi, Tails, and Lloyd were all present.
"I'm afraid we have some bad news," Linked bowed his head and sighed. Sheik just so happened to walk - or in this case, sneak - by the computer room, and saw Link; she hid close to the entrance and listened attentively.
"Surely it can't be anything serious," assured Samus.
"The website, Space Love...it's been bought out."
"And why should I care?"
"Because the website was your idea."
Sheik's eyes widened. Samus is the one responsible for the creation of the website?!
"Fine, so what if it was my idea?" said Samus. "Starting up a social media/dating site would have generated boatloads of money, and I could have given that money to Wario - so he could buy all the hot wings he wants, without having to hear his big mouth ever again!"
Yoshi: This whole website was meant to generate money for Wario?! Samus was using us this whole time! I've never felt so used before!
Alfe: Hasn't Mario used you to ride across Yoshi Island before?
Yoshi: ...I honestly don't know what you're talking about.
"Since the website has been bought out, does that mean it has to be sold?" asked Tails.
"YES BUT NO..." replied R.O.B "LINK HAS FOUND A SOLUTION..."
"Dunban suggested that we pitch the website to Kickstarter so we can get the funding from there," explained Link. "We can just change some of the lettering around in the 'Space Love' title so whoever bought us out won't suspect a thing!"
"Sounds like a good idea," Lloyd stroked his chin. "What do you think Samus?"
"Sure, whatever - as long as it gets approved and makes me...uh, us, money."
Having learnt this information, Sheik ran off - only to accidentally bump into Cloud.
"Don't remember seeing you around here," said Cloud, who is quite unfamiliar with Sheik. "Have we met?"
"I'm not so sure," replied Shiek. "But I gotta go, got some important business to handle."
"Well before you go, have you seen Lloyd lately?"
"He's in the computer room."
"Alright. Thanks."
Cloud and Sheik both went their separate ways. The spiky-haired blonde headed to the computer room, where the brawlers exited. Lloyd was the last to exit.
"We need to talk," Cloud grabbed the swordfighter's shoulder.
Pit, Diddy Kong, Olimar, Pikachu, and the Flying Man were all spying on Kirby, following the pink puffball around the mansion. They were led to the mansion's mirror room (how many rooms does this mansion have?), where they caught Kirby doing the most savage thing ever - smiling and making funny faces in front of a mirror.
"Just look at that thug!" said Pit, sounding a bit distasteful. "Working on his gangster look in front of a mirror...how despicable!"
"Gangster look?" questioned Olimar. "I think you've been taking your beef with Kirby to the extreme."
"Yeah, the guy's just having fun!" agreed Diddy.
"Don't you see?" Pit was on the verge of distress. "His fun, happy-go-lucky persona is just a facade to excuse him from doing evil things!"
"Evil things such as...?" asked the Flying Man.
"Burping aloud at the dinner table once and not saying excuse me!"
"You do realize Kirby can't speak, right?" asked Olimar.
"I know, but he should find a way to communicate through us, without having to hear his unintelligible uttering!"
Diddy, Olimar, Pikachu, and the Flying Man all exchanged perplexed looks.
"It's about time we make that thug Kirby pay!" exclaimed Pit. "Pikachu, use thunderbolt on Kirby!"
"Pika pika?" Pikachu was reluctant to do this.
"Do as I say!"
So Pikachu charged up his body with electricity, and unleashed a thunderbolt at Kirby. The puffball moved, as the bolt bounced off the mirror and came straight for Pit, shocking him. The angle fell to the floor, shaking.
"Are you okay?" asked the Flying Man as he helped Pit up.
"Never better!" Pit was sounding a bit wonky. Now he knows what Ash Ketchum goes through after getting electrocuted.
Soon Meta Knight appeared. Pit grabbed him immediately.
"Go and talk to your son!" demanded Pit, pointing at Kirby.
"For the last time, he is NOT my son!" frowned Meta Knight.
Meta Knight: Why must everyone keep forgetting that I'm not related to Kirby? Do we have to go on Maury to prove it to everyone?!
"Liar!" accused Pit. "Tie him to a chair!"
The Flying Man grabbed a nearby chair, Olimar sat Meta Knight in said chair, and Diddy Kong tied the knight up with rope. Where he found the rope to begin with is beyond anyone's understanding.
"Flying Man, go get Kirby!" ordered Pit. The mythical bird went into the mirror room and grabbed Kirby, placing him in front of Meta Knight.
"Hi!" Kirby waved to Meta Knight.
"Hello, Kirby," sighed Meta Knight. If he had his sword with him, he would sliced the rope and break free, but since he left it in the hands of Lloyd of all people to look after it, he had no way to get himself out of this pickle.
"Punish your son this instant!" demanded Pit.
"HE IS NOT MY SON!"
"Thundershock him, Pikachu!"
Pikachu, against his will, electrocuted Meta Knight. The knight was unfazed.
"We should be going now..." said Diddy Kong as he and Olimar backed away.
"If Kirby is not your son, then how come you two look alike?" interrogated Pit. "Huh? Huh?"
"Am I supposed to be responsible for that?" questioned Meta Knight.
"Thundershock him again, Pikachu!"
Pikachu was nowhere to be found. Turns out he ran away as well.
"Aww, I don't need you anyway!" scoffed Pit. "The Flying Man can handle this!"
But the Flying Man wasn't present either. Pit was becoming a little too much for him to handle.
"That does it!" Pit stamped his foot on the floor. "I'll deal with Kirby myself!"
Pit was about to put his hands on Kirby, until...
"Pit, stop it this instant!"
This command came from Palutena, who was at the far end of the hallway. Pit stopped what he was doing.
"Lady Palutena!" he exclaimed. "It's not what you think!"
"Or is it?" Palutena made her way towards the angel. "Why is Meta Knight all tied up?"
"Diddy Kong and Olimar did it!"
"And who made them do it in the first place?"
"It was me..." sighed Pit.
"Now tell me Pit...why did you go through all this trouble for? Why do you have Kirby involved in this?"
"...Because you said Kirby was the cutest thing ever."
Palutena just had to giggle when Pit said this.
Palutena: This whole time...Pit held a grudge against Kirby...all because I said Kirby was cuter than him?! Am I hearing this right?
"Listen closely, Pit, as I tell you this..." Palutena knelt down at the angel. "Even though I think Kirby's the cutest thing and all, that doesn't mean I think your not cute as well."
"...You really mean that?" Pit perked up.
"With every meaning of the word."
Pit gave Palutena a huge hug. Kirby joined in on the hug...and Pit had no qualms about it at all.
"K.K. Slider is having a concert tonight...wanna come?" asked Palutena.
"I would love to!" replied Pit. "Do you want to come too, Kirby?"
Kirby couldn't believe it. Pit was actually asking him to go with him and Palutena to the concert. Was Pit's grudge finally over? Kirby responded with a smile and a cute, unintelligible noise.
"I'll take that as a yes," grinned Pit.
Pit, Palutena, and Kirby walked down the hallway together...leaving Meta Knight alone, still tied in the chair.
"Um, hello?" he said. "Anyone going to untie me? Hello? HELLO?!"
R.O.B was in his room, moving around flower pots on a windowsill, while Link was using a computer in the room to submit the website to Kickstarter. Cloud and Lloyd stormed into the room; Lloyd pulled out Meta Knight's sword and pointed it at Link.
"Link stop what you're doing right now!" commanded Cloud. "This website thing is over!"
"It's not over until R.O.B says it's over!" retorted Link.
"INDEED..." said R.O.B.
"Your little Kickstarter attempt is not going to work," Lloyd said. "Regardless of what letters you change around, it will have the same domain name! The website will remain bought out, since Kickstarter will refuse to fund for a site that's been plagiarized!"
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, whoever bought out the website probably doesn't care either way," smirked Link.
"The person who bought out the website...is an affiliate of Star Wolf!" Cloud revealed, causing Link to gasp. "Samus just found out a while ago!"
"Space Love has been bought out...by a Star Wolf member?"
"WE MUST ACT AT ONCE!" said R.O.B.
"Don't listen to him Link, he's trying to use you!" persuaded Lloyd. "Starting the website is the only thing he cares about!"
"Too bad you two are the only ones who believe that!" frowned Link.
Link was wrong - in came Alfe, Yoshi, Tails, and Samus.
"I just got Wario a Mega Millions lottery ticket, and he got over $600 million in the jackpot..." explained Samus. "...which means I don't have to raise any money or anything. This website thing is done."
"Guess we have no other choice..." sighed Link, as he ended the Kickstarter project. R.O.B held his head down in sadness.
"I might be late to the party...but who is this Star Fox affiliate?" asked Yoshi.
"We don't know yet for sure," replied Samus. "But I hired a certain ninja to find out..."
It was almost time for K.K. Slider's concert to begin. The stage was set, and the ensemble was set - especially Red, who bought another Poke flute. Mario arrived at the concert, and found Bayonetta sitting at the front row.
"There-a you are!" Mario confronted the Umbra Witch. "I've been-a looking all day for...you?"
Bayonetta held out a ring, and gave it to Mario.
"Consider this as a 'your welcome' gift," said Bayonetta as he motioned towards Peach, who was sitting two rows behind. Mario accepted the ring, and sat next to Peach.
"About time you made it!" the Mushroom Kingdom princess smiled as Mario took his seat.
"Sure glad I'm here..." Mario was sweating profusely. He realized what Bayonetta is trying to make him do - and it only involved at least four words.
Sitting in the second row in front of Mario was Fox, Falco, Wolf, Chrom and Lucina. An extra seat was next to Fox.
"Who's the extra seat for?" Falco whispered to Fox.
"Beats me," shrugged Fox. He hoped that the available seat wasn't reserved for Krystal...
...but that hope was immediately dashed. Krystal showed up, and was delighted to see Fox as he took the empty seat.
"Hey Fox! Long time no see!" she grinned. Fox was sweating like it was a scorching summer day.
"Same here..." he responded, trying to keep his cool. He turned his head to Wolf, and glared at him.
"Chrom put me up to it," said Wolf.
Wolf: Chrom had offered me a share of Wario's lottery earnings! It was simply an offer I couldn't refuse!
"So how do like it here at the mansion?" Krystal asked a very nervous Fox.
"I absolutely love it here," replied Fox. Why did Krystal have to be here?
"Hello to all my beautiful people, so glad you came to see my rad concert!" K.K. Slider said into the microphone, as the concert was set to begin. "Huge shootout to Lucina for putting together the perfect ensemble, couldn't do it without her. With that out of the way, hope you all enjoy this concert!"
And so the concert began. The sound of the ensemble instruments came together to create a perfect harmony. Speaking of harmony...
"Dude, ask Krystal out," Falco whipsered to Fox. "Chrom got Wolf to bring her here for a reason!"
"I don't think I can do it..." sighed Fox.
"Are you seriously doubting yourself right now?! This isn't like you, man! You're always known for being rash and hasty, and always getting to the point...and you're doing the exact opposite here!"
"So what point are you trying to make?"
"...I want you to ask Krystal out. It'll not only make things easier for the both of you...but me as well."
Fox smiled, knowing exactly what Falco meant. The raptor didn't want his fox to always second-guess himself when it comes to Krystal, nor should he be shy whenever he's with her.
"Krystal, there's something I've been needing to tell you..." Fox said to his love.
"Yes, and what would that be?" asked Krystal, anticipating what Fox was going to say next.
"Everyone freeze!" the male Inkling appeared, wielding his paint gun, as his female counterpart showed up with a Gatling paint gun. K.K. had no other choice but to momentarily stop the concert.
"Mellow out my Inkling pals, I'm having a concert here!" frowned K.K.
Male Inkling: K.K. Slider is holding a concert...and he has Red performing with him on the stage?!
Female Inkling: Must have really scraped the bottom of the barrel to get him...
"We have stopped this very concert for one reason, and one reason only..." said the male Inkling. "...She bought out R.O.B's website!" He pointed at Krystal.
"How could you make such accusations?!" Krystal was shocked.
"Don't try and hide it, we know you did it!" said the female Inkling.
"By 'we' who are you referring to?"
Soon Sheik came out of nowhere from the sky and pounced on Krystal, landing on top of her.
"Get off of her!" demanded Fox.
"Shut up, fox boy!" retorted Sheik, before turning her attention to Krystal. "Confess, woman! Do it or I'll put you in a world of hurt!"
"Fine, it was me!" sobbed Krystal. "It was I who bought out the website!"
Everyone in attendance gasped, although they probably had no idea what's going on.
"Why would you buy out the website in the first place?" Sheik interrogated.
"All I wanted to with the website is display my love and affection for Fox!" Krystal responded. "All I had to do was change a couple of things around and..."
"Where did the funding for the website come from?"
"Yuichiro Hikari was the one that did the funding. That's how MegaMan .EXE found out that I had bought out the website - anything Hikari uncovered regarding the website was passed through him! It didn't help that the website was indirectly linked to the Game Boy Color software...that's how the error occurred..."
"The Game Boy Color that Kirby ate?" Pit, who sat in one of the back rows, wondered as he looked at Kirby. The puffball shrugged, insisting that he had no idea he had such a huge role in this ordeal.
"Looks like my work here is done," said Sheik, as he got off of Krystal and departed, with the two Inklings following along.
"Fox, I think my leg is broken..." said Krystal as she clutched her left leg.
"Aw man this can't be good..." Fox panicked.
"Somebody call an ambulance!" Lucina called out as he rushed to Krystal and tended to her needs. After an ambulance picked up Krystal and took her to the hospital - with Fox, Falco, and even Wolf making a trip to said hospital - K.K. Slider's concert continued.
"Aren't you forgetting something?" Bayonetta whispered to Mario, who sat a row behind. Mario remembered about the ring.
"Peach I need-a to speak with you in-a private..." Mario said to Peach once he remembered.
"Sure thing!" smiled Peach.
Mario led Peach to some shrubbery, where they won't get caught or anything.
"What a lovely night for a concert," Peach said as she gazed up at the sky. "Darn shame Krystal has to miss out. Wonder what got into Sheik..."
"I have-a something I've been-a needing to tell you Peach..." Mario said, holding the ring behind his back.
"Well what is it?"
Mario knelt down to one knee and held out the ring. Peach was getting all teary-eyed, just like any woman getting proposed to would.
"Princess Peach..." Mario began. "...Will you marry me?"
This got Peach even more teary-eyed.
"I don't...I don't think I can do it!" he sobbed. "I'm so sorry!" The princess ran away in tears, causing Mario to feel a little disheartened. His little brother, Luigi, showed up.
"What's-a up with Peach?" Luigi asked.
"She turned-a me down..." replied Mario, showing her the ring.
"No-a worries bro - been-a there, done that!"
Luigi patted his brother on the shoulder as he walked away. Mario was feeling some kind of way, as the thought of Luigi asking his girlfriend, Princess Daisy, out before him gave him a sour taste in his mouth.
"Glad you all had a blast!" K.K. Slider said to the audience once the concert ended. "Thank you, and good night!"