Episode 20: Infectious
Shulk is always really feeling it, and he makes sure you know that when you're playing Super Smash Bros. Just press the taunt button, and you'll hear the Homs yell out his most favorite phrase of all time - and perhaps the most annoying phrase in the entire game, if not the series - while lifting up his beloved Monado sword.
Today, however, Shulk wasn't really feeling it. And neither was a majority of the brawlers in the mansion. A great number of the brawlers are suffering from the common cold, from Mario and Link, to Bayonetta and Lucina. How did these brawlers catch the cold? It all started with the prognosticator, Bowser - he had come in contact with Doctor Toadley, who was touching a sickened Toon Link without the use of gloves, thereby contracting the illness. With the germs in his possessions, Bowser would come in contact with Chrom and Wolf, which he did in the previous episode. It would snowball from that point forward - Chrom came in contact with Lucina, who came in contact with Robin, so forth and so on; the same manner also applies to Wolf. Even worse was that Bowser had shaken hands with those present in the backyard in the last episode, "thanking" them for not punishing him as the wrongful culprit for eating Luma. The common cold spread like a wildfire after that.
Bowser: My diabolical plan finally worked...everyone in the mansion is sick, which means I can finally have my hands on that delicious wedding cake Marth ordered for Luigi...nobody can stop me now!
Contrary to Bowser's belief, not everyone was sick. Mega Man and the other Robot Masters did not catch the cold, for they can only catch robotic diseases like Roboneza. Rather than having them boast in front of the brawlers about their healthy state, which they wouldn't even do to begin with, Master Hand made them de facto nurses to the sickened brawlers.
"Here is your breakfast, Shulk," Mega Man handed a tray of pancakes and eggs to the Homs. Shulk had a very severe case of the common cold, and therefore has to stay in his bed all day long. Those who had mild cases were allowed to roam through the mansion as long as they like, though they have to remain weary about making their condition even worse.
"Pancakes and eggs, my favorite!" Shulk exclaimed, giddily accepting the tray from Mega Man. Even when he's not really feeling it, the Homs tries his hardest to make the best of any given situation. "How did you know this is my favorite breakfast meal?"
"Because you told me that earlier...? I thought I told you there are limited options for breakfast, since Lady Palutena is too ill to cook breakfast." Palutena being unable to cook makes breakfast a survival of the fittest thing. Every brawler for themselves!
"Ah yes, that is right. With these limited options, I wonder how Dunban is handling things..."
The Homs was in the kitchen, cooking some sort of breakfast sandwiches - it had egg, bacon, and chess in-between two pancakes. McDonald's made this similar sandwich some time ago back in 2003 and dubbed it the "McGriddle", and now Dunban is taking a crack at the sandwich. Let's just hope a lawsuit doesn't come his way...
"Drat, another pancake on the ceiling," Dunban frowned, looking up at a pancake on the ceiling after he flipped it on the frying pan. Three other pancakes were on the ceiling as well. The side effects of the common cold are starting to derail his cooking abilities.
Dunban: Evidently someone has to step up to cook breakfast with Palutena sick, and I feel that I'm the best candidate for the job. I would let Robin take care of things, but he's still green in the several aspects of cooking. Until he decides to stop making waffles in the oven (which he feels that it makes the waffles cook "faster", despite the high chances of burning said waffles), I'll try and give him a chance.
"See you're already working hard in the kitchen," Robin entered the kitchen, carrying a bag over his shoulders. What is in the bag, and what is Robin up to?
"So what's in the bag?" Dunban asked very curiously, with his hands on his hips.
"Glad you asked." Robin spilled out the contents of the bag onto the floor - pots, pans, skillets, and all the other crap you use when cooking stuff in the kitchen. Dunban just watched in intrigue as the items poured out.
"You're not attempting to cook anything, are you? Because Master Hand delegated me to the cooking duties. I'm having Mega Man and his 'brothers', as I would call them, deliver the food to the sickened brawlers."
"Oh he did, did he?!" Robin made a stank face, displeased that Master Hand didn't make him the cook. He felt that the creator of the Smash universe was greatly overlooking his cooking prowess...or the lack thereof. But one day, he'll have a chance to show Master Hand how great - or in this case, mediocre - of a cook he truly is. "What makes him think you're qualified to cook, and not me?!"
"Well, for starters, Master Hand has seen my cooking abilities before, and said that I would make a bona fide chef. And also, Palutena told him about that cook-off you had against her..."
"Yes, and I'm sure she said great things about the cook-off we had," Robin smirked confidently while nodding his head in approval.
"No she said that you were a mediocre cook at best and that you should give up your cooking talents, or the lack thereof, when you have a chance."
Robin took great offense to this, for he feels that he's the best cook not only in the mansion, but in the entire world. His cooking innovations - boiling French fries in carbonated water, grilling fish with mayonnaise - have never been done before, and the brawlers' stomachs seems to love these innovative creations, judging by how much pain and cramps they give the brawlers.
"Palutena is merely bluffing, she's just jealous of my abilities, and is trying to speak negatively about me just to please Master Hand!"
"You don't say?" Master Hand popped up behind Robin, scaring the living daylights out of the mage. Robin shrieked at the top of his lungs, and leaped into Dunban's arms. The Homs dropped Robin to the floor apathetically.
Master Hand: Man I love scaring people from behind, just seeing them scream like schoolgirls is pure entertainment...So what's this about Robin wanting to cook?...Oh yeah, Palutena told me about some cook-off he had with Robin, back when those crummy tourists were infiltrating my mansion and leaving trash all over the place. Had Ryu clean up the entire mess...Robin received cooking lessons from Mario of all people! I can't possibly let him cook, especially since he learned from that bozo!
"Master Hand, you wouldn't mind at all if I cooked breakfast, do you?" Robin asked the creator of the Smash universe. Master Hand thought over this idea, his desire of stroking a chin never becoming more apparent than of this moment.
"I'm not that much familiar with your cooking, but from what I've heard around the mansion...I feel that you're in no shape to cook at all," replied Master Hand, leaving Robin in a devastated state. This was the mage's chance to prove to Master Hand that he's the master chef that he thinks he is, but sadly - and thankfully - his chance was denied.
"Please Master Hand I beg of you, give me just one chance, just one!" Robin was now pleading on his needs, shaking his cupped hands together. Just like when Esmeralda was begging Claude Frollo not to burn her alive for being a gypsy in The Hunchback of Notre Dame. Alright, that scene may not have happened, though it could have.
"No, no, and no - I will NOT allow you to cook here in this mansion ever again. Just stick to your magic crap and whatnot. Oh, and get a girlfriend while you're at it - I heard that Lucina is still available. Chrom wouldn't mind you dating his daughter one bit!"
And with that, Master Hand departed, leaving Robin to sob in despair. Not even the famed creator of the Smash universe believes in him...what now?
"Just as I figured," chuckled Dunban, with his hands on his hips. "Now if you excuse me, I'm going to storage room downstairs, gotta make sure we have enough syrup for my pancake sandwiches..." Pancake sandwiches? That's honestly the best the Homs can come up with? At least McDonald's was far more creative...
Bowser, being of the few that was healthy, now had the unwanted privilege of ridiculing his fellow brawlers, just for being sick with the cold. And that's exactly what he did with Mario and Luigi.
"BWA HA HA HA HA!" the Koopa King pointed at laughed at Mario first, then at Luigi. The two plumber brothers just looked at Bowser questionably - shouldn't he have more important things to do, like taking care of his kids perhaps?!
"You're-a terrible..." Mario shook his head at his arch-nemesis before blowing his nose. He tossed the used tissue into a trash can piled to the brim with used tissues. A very common sign of having a terrible cold.
Mario: I'm in-a bed all day long... *sniffs* ...meaning that Isabelle-a will be on heavy duty today since-a her cold went away quickly *sniffs* ...why must I be around such great-a people *sniffs* ...and bad-a people?
"Bowser you-a better stop!" Luigi warned, knowing that Bowser won't take him seriously regardless of his tone or remark. "Or I'll...I'll, um...I'll throw-a you into a bottomless pit! Yeah, either you leave-a us alone, or..."
"Yeah right, like I want to see the inside of your anus," scoffed Bowser, heading for the door. Time for Luigi to hold another L - just like the L on his hat.
Not even the healthy brawlers were safe from Bowser's mockery; when the Koopa King exited the Mario Bros' room, he spotted Mewtwo, and pointed and laughed at him as well. Mewtwo, staying true to his nature, frowned and shook his head at Bowser.
"You're still a virgin!" Bowser snickered, sounding like one of those 12-year old kids who know they're too young to be roaming around on the internet, trolling random people for the sake of their own entertainment. Is Bowser trying to imply that he's an immature adult?
Mewtwo: Yes, the fact that the scientists made me a LEGENDARY POKEMON, thereby disallowing me to breed with other Pokemon, is totally my fault. To have Bowser call me a virgin...my goodness, I may never live that one down.
Bowser simply strolled through the mansion, perfecting his pimp walk (haters gonna hate?) when he bumped into Toon Link. The young Hylian was lively and cheery, for he was quickly cured from his cold thanks to the Taxitol Doctor Toadley had given him.
"Watch where you're going kid!" Bowser frowned down Toon Link, whom he still thinks is a fake Link and a poser attempting to be a part of Zelda canon. "Just because you're feeling well and all doesn't mean you can rain all over my parade!"
"Your parade of going about and making others feel bad about their illnesses?" questioned Toon Link. Bowser grew furious at Toon Link, but then he realized should have known better than to ridicule Peach and Zelda; they're quite the chatty ones in the mansion, and they might have told some of the others about Bowser's notorious (and rather childish) deeds. "Heard that the Koopalings are down under the weather, perhaps you should..."
"Are you telling me how to be a father?!" This only made Bowser even more furious, as steam gushed out of his nostrils. "What would a pint-sized wimp like yourself know about being a father, huh? Huh?! Tell me, punk!"
"Technically I'm a bit of a father figure to my little sister, Aryll..."
"Aryll doesn't count, nobody knows her!" Maybe outside of the Legend of Zelda community, at least. "You think, that you can just steal Link's likeness, and wear his green tunic, and his goofy hat, and dye your hair blonde, and act all adventurous and junk while your folks are busy taming dumb pigs all day like it's their life, and expect to be called a hero?! Give me a break!"
"I would highly recommend that you eat this," Toon Link dug into his pocket, and offered Bowser a Snickers bar. Only eat this candy bar you're hungry and you're not being yourself. Listen to the narrators in advertisements, they speak the truth (most of the time).
"Gimme that!" Bowser snatched the candy bar from Toon Link and walked away...only to be tackled to the ground by a sickened Doc Louis. Even when he's not feeling well, the boxing trainer cannot contain his affinity for chocolate.
"Smelt this here chocolate all the way from my room!" Doc Louis took the Snickers bar out of Bowser's hand and walked away, whistling as if nothing happened. Bowser growled, banging his fists on the floor in anger.
"And, after boasting this way of my tolerance, I come to the admission that it has a limit. Conduct may be founded on the hard rock or the wet marshes, but after a certain point I don't care what it's founded on. When I came back from the East last autumn I felt that I wanted the world to be in uniform and at am sort of moral attention forever; I wanted no more riotous excursions with privileged glimpses into the human heart. Only Gatsby, the man who gives his name to this book, was exempt from my reaction— Gatsby, who represented everything for which I have an unaffected scorn."
Viridi was reading to Pit a book, The Great Gatsby, while the angel was in his bed, dealing with a fever and a sore throat. The goddess of nature sat at the side of his bed in a chair, reading the novel out loud.
"Ew, Viridi, stop, will ya, you know how much I despise reading," grimaced Pit. When Viridi told Pit that the two were doing something fun together, Pit thought that they would be playing video games together, barring Pit's illness. But fun and reading, however, doesn't go hand-in-hand in the angel's lexicon.
Pit: Viridi has been reading me random stories this entire morning, it's almost like I'm inside a torture chamber, except at home...What books did Viridi read to me, you asked? So far she read To Kill a Mockingbird and Beowulf. It's auditory abuse, I tell you!
"C'mon Pit, you said that you would be interested in this story!" moaned Viridi. Stacked next to her was a collection other books she plans to read to Pit, all in random order. This "torture" may last well into nighttime hours...
"I only said that if it meant you'll leave me alone!" stated Pit. The angel simply can't digest another story - his brain is too dense to retain any knowledge, big or small. By the time Viridi reads him a fifth book, Pit's brain would be already fried and functioning.
"So you don't want to be with me anymore?!" Viridi began to tear up. Pit has inadvertently initiated what is known as the "Boyfriend Trust Confusion" - Pit says one thing, and Viridi assumes that it's the other. In this case, the goddess of nature is assuming that Pit doesn't want to spend anymore time with her - in Layman's terms, she thinks Pit wants to break up with her!
"No I definitely didn't mean that, of course I want to be you!" It was too late for Pit; Viridi was sobbing her eyes out. Pit, ya dun goofed up kiddo - although it's not entirely your fault, just an issue of communication.
"Goodbye Pit, I don't ever want to see you again!" Viridi rushed out of Pit's room in tears. She'll be very disheartened when she sees Pit again, mainly because they both live in the same residence and all and they're always bound to run into each other...
"Made your girlfriend cry, huh?" Dark Pit smirked, returning from a little bathroom break. "What a loser..."
"It's all just a huge misunderstanding..." assured Pit. And what an misunderstanding it is.
Toon Link ventured into the dining room, where he saw Robin sitting at the table moping. Ever since being put down by Master Hand regarding his cooking abilities, the mage has lost a great deal of confidence, and has become somewhat insecure about cooking ever again.
"Man, you look beat," remarked Toon Link, taking a seat next to Robin. "This should be able to cheer you up!" the young Hylian gave Robin a Snickers bar, a second one he held in his pocket away from Doc Louis. He even had to put in in a "special" pocket, so the boxing trainer won't detect the bar through the use of his "chocolate senses". It sounds more strange and abstract than you think.
"Put your lousy chocolate bar away, I'm not that hungry..." Robin said in a mopey tone. Clearly he has become abnormally distressed, not even a mere offer of candy will turn that frown upside down. "Dunban doesn't believe in my cooking, and now Master Hand doesn't believe in me either..."
Dunban: Am I disheartened about how Robin is feeling right now? Not exactly. Robin got exactly what was coming for him, and now he's reacting just as I figured he would. Taking cooking advice from Mario? Please.
"That doesn't mean anyone else believes in your cooking," assured Toon Link. Who falls under this category of "anyone else"? Yoshi? Wario? "I for one believe in your cooking, I think your abilities are unique, and separates yourself from Lady Palutena!" Toon Link is clearly fronting right now, he's saying politically correct things to Robin just to get on his good side. Link kinda does the same thing with Zelda on several occasions. Like Hylian hero, like young Hylian hero? Doesn't sound that tight...
"Too bad Master Hand doesn't seem to think that way," sighed Robin. "How will I ever prove to him I'm an awesome cook?"
Toon Link mused over an idea, an idea that can put an end to Robin's meager depression and validate his cooking prowess. Suddenly, a light bulb dinged above his head - the Hylian saw the light bulb above him and threw it away, wondering how it even got there.
"Follow me, I got a plan!" Toon Link guided Robin out of the dining room, and to who knows where. What does Toon Link have in store for the distressed mage?
Unless you forgot about the events that transpired in the previous episode, or unless you have any sort of memory loss, then you might have remembered Fox, Falco, Ryu, and King K. Rool were punished by Master Hand for their roles in the disappearance of Luma. The four men had become sick because of Bowser, and with them all being sick, Master Hand knew the perfect punishment...he put the four in an unused room in the house, with a large flat-screen television at the front. You're possibly wondering what they are watching, or in this case forced to watch, aren't you?
"C'mon kids, let's have some fun!" said the enlarged purple dinosaur known as Barney. Fox, Falco, Ryu, and Rool were forced to watch this dinosaur do all sorts of activities with the kids, as well as sing pointless and unnecessary songs that the kids have to sing or else. Had the four men been little children, this would be bona fide entertainment for all. However, they're all grown, which means that watching Barney nowadays has become straight-up torture.
"GET THAT REPTILE PEDOPHILE OFF THAT TV SCREEN!" pleaded Fox, unable to take anymore of this Barney crap. Having to watch the purple dinosaur interact with little children was hard enough, but singing with them? Fox might have nightmares for weeks!
Fox: Barney has GOT to be the biggest pedophile in children's television, if not television in general. All he does all day long is hang around with little children, corrupting their minds and turning them into living monsters! (Selena Gomez, Demi Lovato, and Debby Ryan, they're all beautiful so they get a pass.) Seriously, does Barney even have a girlfriend? Must be one lonely dude...
"Enjoying the show so far?" Zero entered the room with .EXE. He was holding trays of Dunban's creation, pancake sandwiches (which still has no name apparently), and gave them to each sick individual.
"You must change the channel immediately, I cannot take anymore of this putrid show!" complained Ryu. The kung fu fighter doesn't do shows like Barney, or educational shows in general, for he thinks that his knowledge supersedes all. Yet he can't seem to count all the way to ten, as episode 7 implied.
"Let's see what else is on..." .EXE grabbed a remote, and surfed through the channels. Master Hand told the robots specifically to torture the sickened brawlers with a program the simply cannot stand, and in a matter of time, .EXE found the perfect show...
"Who the heck is that?" Falco pointed at a televangelist, speaking to the brawlers from the television screen. Like most other televangelists, this guy was old and sitting in front of a bookcase. In his hand was a bible - the guy definitely has the look down. He said a lot of religious stuff, citing Satan, the holy ghost, and all that good stuff in his speeches.
"This is so boring!" yawned Rool. His eyes were starting to give up on him, just like how the Kremling was giving up on the program. "Can't we just watch some golf instead, at least the person commentating the game sounds more interesting!"
"Master Hand deemed golf as 'entertainment', and so he doesn't want you guys watching that, or any sport in general," explained .EXE, garnering groans from the four sick brawlers.
"Have fun!" exclaimed Zero, leaving the four brawlers alone by themselves...and with the televangelist trying to reach out to them. Zero and .EXE inched towards the door, before exiting the room and closing it behind them. Barney and televangelism? They wouldn't wish such things on anyone, ever.
Zelda, still feeling mightily sick, made her way to Link's room, carrying a tray of warm tea. She entered the room, and saw Link and Cloud in their beds, sleeping like lambs. Has anyone ever seen a lamb sleep, aside from a farmer?
"Sweet dreams..." the princess of Hyrule placed a cup of tea on Link's dresser, and gave the hero of Hyrule a kiss on the cheek. She then placed a second cup of tea on Cloud's dresser, though she didn't kiss him, for that would be very awkward...and problematic as well. What if Link were to wake up, and catch Zelda in the act of kissing Cloud? He would immediately assume that she's cheating on him, and would put an end to their relationship. The Zelda-Cloud shippers, though few in numbers, would have a field day if Zelda and Cloud were in any sort of romantic relationship.
Zelda: *reading off of a Taxitol prescription bottle* "Take two pills a day, one at daytime, one at night..." That's exactly what the prescription bottle says, or so it claims. Doctor Toadley had to come here earlier this week and give us this Taxitol prescription, instructing us to follow the instructions on the label if we ever want to be cured. Just when Toadley was giving out the last of the Taxitol bottles, Bowser drove him out of the mansion, and even coaxed Master Hand to ban him entirely. Starting to get the feeling that Bowser purposely wants us all to be sick, though his reasons behind doing so are not yet clear...
Zelda unexpectedly ran into Viridi, who was still crying her eyes out about her ugly "breakup" with Pit. Zelda, who is in a relationship herself and knows all the ups and downs that come with it, initially understood that the problem resided in Pit.
"What did Pit do this time?" the princess of Hyrule folded her arms. She was almost certain the angel's typical childish antics ticked off Viridi, and that Kirby might have hand a had in whatever she believed Pit was up to. Prepare to see her judgement fall flat real quick.
"He broke up with me!" Viridi sobbed, tugging Zelda's dress and crying into it. Zelda's response to this situation? A simple rolling of her eyes.
"Pit would never want to break up with you, he wouldn't know what to say in order to break up with you. He would be absolutely clueless!"
"But he told me earlier that he wanted me to leave him alone!" Viridi sobbed even harder, and Zelda couldn't take anymore of the goddess of nature's romantic depression. Her sobbing is a side effect of the "Boyfriend Trust Confusion" - she has become depressingly saddened by what she thought Pit meant, and her depression has been moved through tears.
"Just because he wants you to leave him alone doesn't necessarily mean that he wants to break up with you. I'd suggest doing something that would reunite you two, and allow the both of you to continue your relationship."
"You're right, I know what to do...I'll just ask Ashley for another one of her love potions, and I'll give it to Pit! That way we will re-establish our relationship!"
"Totally not what I meant..." A second side effect of the "Boyfriend Trust Confusion", generalizing hasty conclusions and/or ideas that may fail eventually.
"Thank you so much Zelda!" Viridi happily ran off, about to go forth with her plan - have Ashley create a love potion to give it to Pit. Only problem is, Pit is already still in love with the goddess of nature...
Improving in terms of health and condition, Shulk decided to take a little stroll around the mansion, checking on the other brawlers and seeing if their own health has improved in any way. Jack Bryant's health seemed to improve; the Homs found the race car driver in the workshop, working away on his vehicle, Wanderlust.
"Surprised you managed to get that vehicle of yours inside the mansion," chuckled Shulk, for a feat such as getting a vehicle inside a place of residence is as hard as getting a limbless person to do your laundry. It's practically impossible in every sense of the word.
"Yeah, apparently Master Hand doesn't believe in getting a garage, so with the assistance of Akira, I got this bad boy inside this workshop," Jacky grinned, rubbing his precious Wanderlust with a cloth. "Heard your main man Dunban is cooking breakfast for the brawlers; making some "pancake sandwiches", as he calls them. Ripping off of McDonald's..." Jacky shook his head with a grin. "But when I have a McDonald's sponsor on my car, people tend to overreact, like it's the end of the world..."
"You know, I've always given thought about cooking, maybe I should give it a shot!" mused Shulk. Jacky looked at the Homs inquisitively, imagining the consequences that may result from Shulk cooking any sort of food. Robin cooking already has the race car driver on the edge...
Jacky: Shulk doesn't need to learn how to cook, Fiora already cooks for him. Or at least she used to, before Shulk moved to the mansion...but I'm sure the guy can make it out on his own... *pause* His pet Riki is able to cook, is he?
"If you want to learn how to cook so bad, then why don't you join Dunban in making those pancake sandwiches?" suggested Dunban. "Dude can't carry the workload all by himself..."
"Dunban has been working tirelessly in the kitchen..." Shulk stroke his chin. "He could use an extra hand in the kitchen! I shall be of great help to my dear friend!"
And with that, Shulk zipped out of the workshop, and made his stroll to the kitchen. Jacky shook his head, knowing the many hardships Dunban will suffer from having Shulk as a cooking assistant. But hey, it's better than gaining any sort of knowledge from Mario.
Pit remained in his room, sad that his brief episode with Viridi led to an ugly "breakup" between the two. If only there was a way to make up to Viridi, and get the two back on track...his only help is his arrogant doppelganger, Dark Pit, who was going through the many books Viridi planned on reading to Pit.
"Harry Potter? Twilight? Hunger Games?" Dark Pit shuffled through the books, scoffing at each one. "Viridi must be out of her mind, she knows that your feeble mind can't comprehend or understand the context of these books!"
"I didn't mean to upset Viridi..." said Pit, in a reflective manner. Regret was heavy in the tone of his voice. "I was just trying to establish some ground rules, ground rules that can suffice our needs and interests..."
Dark Pit: Woah, Pit is starting to use those big words now...I remember before that the biggest vocabulary word he ever used was "aroused", and it took him weeks just to find out what that word really meant. In case you may have been wondering, Pit used the word aroused to describe Chrom's interactions around other women, and you probably know how that might have turned out...
"It's just that, we're both different from each other in so many distinctive ways..." Pit continued. Another vocabulary word used! Perhaps Viridi really needs to read those books to Pit, it's making him smarter! "She's smart, I'm dumb. She's pretty, I'm average-looking. She's a blonde, I have brown hair..."
"What does having brown hair have to do with anything?" questioned Dark Pit. "Well I think you got a point there, most blondes are believed to be unintelligent, and Viridi was unintelligent enough to read books to you and your dumb self...At least your getting somewhat smarter..." Hoo boy, Pit's not gonna like that.
"Viridi is not unintelligent, she's the smartest person I know...at least aside from Lady Palutena. She's a very smart girl, and not only that..."
"If she's so 'smart', then why did she break up with you in the heat of the moment?" Dark Pit folded his arms, awaiting to see Pit's answer. He loves challenging his counterpart with tough questions. What response will the angel give him?
"You're acting like she has to be smart all of the time...got some news for ya buddy, not everyone has to be smart 24/7! Everybody has their own lapses of stupidity, some more than others. And Viridi had one of those lapses..."
"That was, without a doubt..." Dark Pit began, with Pit expecting some positive reception from his doppelganger, "...the DUMBEST thing to have ever come out of your mouth. 'Not everyone has to be smart 24/7'..." Dark Pit scoffed at that very statement. "So I'm guessing that ideology of yours applies to someone like Bill Gates?"
"You know what, Dark Pit, I'm done with you, I don't have to listen to your crap anymore. I'm gonna to find Viridi, and then we'll reaffirm our relationship. Just you wait and see!"
"Yeah I'll wait and see...to see you fail!" Dark Pit remarked as Pit marched out of the room.
Link (finally) woke up, and got out of his bed so he could do of the usual things most rational people do to get ready for the day during morning time, like washing your face and checking your armpit for any hair (though anyone can do that any time of the day).
The hero of Hyrule wasn't concerned about breakfast, or who was cooking breakfast in Palutena's place - rather, he's more concerned about that Taxitol prescription medicine that he had received from Dr. Toadley. It was on his dresser yesterday, and now it's gone missing! Where could it have gone?
"Alph, have you seen my Taxitol bottle?" Link asked the astronaut, whom he saw exiting a bathroom. Alph was carrying a roll of newspaper, signifying that he was reading it while taking a number 2...that poor toilet.
"Nope, I've been looking for mine for the longest now," replied Alph. "It seems everyone here lost their prescription bottle..."
Alph: K.K. Slider lost his bottle the other day, and Ike lost his two days ago...this mansion isn't haunted, is it? Hate to see the mansion infiltrated by ghosts...scary ghosts, and not those ghosts that follow Pac-Man around. *Inky, Binky, Cindy and Clyde appear and hover around Alph making their trademark sounds* Okay, okay, I take it back, you guys are scary! Though not a whole lot...
"Everyone lost their prescription bottle, huh?" Link furrowed his brow. Just to think, at the beginning of the week, when the common cold had started to spread, Dr. Toadley gave the brawlers Taxitol. Now everyone appears to be deprived of their prescription bottle. Quite the peculiar case. "I know just the guy we should consult!"
"No," Lucario shook his head in response to Link's offer to help him and Alph find the missing prescription bottles. The aura Pokemon was meditating in the main room of the Pokemon sanctuary, believing that this routine would make his sinus go away. The nagging sinus refuses to go away, and it's proving to be quite bothersome.
"C'mon man you gotta help us," pleaded Link. His goal is to find all the prescription bottles before everyone eats breakfast. He's hoping Dunban will buy him the necessary time to complete the task. "I can give you anything you want! Anything that your heart yearns or desires!"
"Nice try buddy, but I'm not budging, not one bit," Lucario got up and exited the Pokemon sanctuary, if it meant Link and Alph would leave him alone. "Find someone else to do your bidding."
As Lucario exited the Pokemon sanctuary, Bowser rushed by and knocked the aura Pokemon to the floor, clearly in a rush. Where on earth is that Koopa King running off to?
"Completely uncalled for..." Lucario got up and dusted himself off. Not a huge scratch; he's taken much bigger bumps in Smash matches and Pokemon battles...but mostly Pokemon battles. You won't believe the many legendary Pokemon Lucario was stupid enough to go one-on-one with.
"Bowser appears to be hiding something suspicious..." assumed Alph, before coming to a forgone conclusion - a conclusion he can't share with anyone yet, but a conclusion that is internally shared among Link and Lucario. "You guys thinking what I'm thinking?"
Bowser: Last week Marth ordered a giant wedding cake for Luigi's and Daisy's dumb wedding, and it's raspberry-flavored! Just imagine all that goodness inside my stomach! Oh man! So my plan is to eat the cake in its entirety, without getting caught. But of course you can't have a wedding without a wedding cake, am I right? (My "marriage" to Peach in Super Paper Mario notwithstanding.) I've mapped out a series of events that will lead to the cancellation of the wedding - Luigi will be outed for cheating of Daisy with Chrom's current mistress, Maribelle, Daisy will be revealed to be pregnant with Jimmy T.'s son (don't even ask), and Chrom will be severely injured and unable to serve as the officiant! See how it all works out? And the best part is, everyone lives happily ever after! (Except for Chrom, he'll still be injured, and maybe Luigi, since he'll be stigmatized as a cheater and a womanizer. At least Daisy will end up with a child, though she would break many moral barriers.
Bowser sneakily made his way inside the ballroom, where the wedding cake was kept in storage. he quietly tip-toed to said cake, doing his best to make the littlest noise and sound as possible, until...
"Good morning, Bowser," Marth greeted the Koopa King from behind, yawning. A very rare sight for Bowser to see the Hero-King adorned in his pajamas. It's not that often people from medieval times wear such garments.
"Oh hey, Marth, buddy ol' pal, how's it goin'?" Bowser chuckled, downplaying his sneakiness. If he ever wants to taste that delicious cake in front of him, he has to act as nice as possible around Marth. He was acting nice in the previous episode, so he'll just have to take all those fundamentals and apply them to this current situation. Not that hard, right?
"Everything is going well...you weren't trying to touch that cake, were you?"
"So you think that just because I'm an evil villain, I'm gonna do something evil like eating that cake over there?!" ...And there goes those fundamentals. Bowser, you had a very good chance, and you completely wasted it. "Well you thought wrong buddy, I only came here just to look at the cake! Wanted a sneak preview before the wedding! Don't have to stereotype me like that!"
"Whoever said I was stereotyping, I was just making sure no one eats the cake. Master Hand put me on cake patrol!" Poor Marth is on cake patrol, even when he's sick. Only time he gets to be off-duty is whenever he has to use the bathroom, and he makes plenty of those...regardless of urinary or bowel movements. "Good day, sir!" The hero-king departed from Bowser, not wanting anything else to do with the Koopa King.
"Yeah, well...bad day! Bad day to you! Hope you have a bad day! Ruining my plans..." Bowser grumpily exited the ballroom.
The foursome of Fox, Falco, Ryu, and Rool sneaked their way out of the room, not wanting to expose themselves anymore to the torture on television. (Master Hand had Zero force the four to watch some lousy reality show, and it was scripted beyond relief. Then again, you can say that about a majority of reality shows.) How did this ragtag group manage to escape? It was actually pretty simple - Falco had told Mega Man, who was checking on them, that his sister Roll was kidnapped by Dr. Wily, and taken hostage at Hawaii for a ransom. Mega Man ran out of the mansion, leaving the door of the room open, and hopped on top of Rush, and the two zipped off to Hawaii, likely not to be seen again for a long while.
Falco: The number one rule when it comes to manipulating others: always use somebody else's loved ones. It's the easiest way to guilt trip other people, and it can make them your fall guy as well! Ryu told me about how me made Lucas make those signs for that tourism thing a couple of weeks back, and he used Lucas' mother as an incentive! Though it's not that great of an example, Lucas is the biggest fraidy cat I know. He can't even look at himself in the mirror without having a spaz attack or wetting himself...
"Now that we are out of that wretched room..." Fox began. "What's our first order of business?" Falco, Ryu, and Rool were all stuck on what to do. They had just tasted the sweet taste of freedom, and they have no intentions to do just about anything.
"We could...go get some breakfast at Wendy's!" suggested Rool, blind to his own ignorance. "They do have breakfast at Wendy's right?"
"We've already had Dunban's delicious pancake sandwiches, those were filling enough!" stated Ryu. "Too bad your gigantic tummy can't tell you whether you're full or not, it's no wonder your obesity takes up so much space in this mansion!"
"Why you little..." Rool got in a rough-housing fight with Ryu, and because of his physique, he was absolutely no match for the fighter.
"Who are you to call me little, you're fatter than an orca living off on Bic Macs all day long!" Ryu had the Kremling's head in his arms, putting him in a headlock. Fox and Falco intervened in the fight, trying to break up Ryu and Rool.
"A fighter and a Kremling fighting each other in the hallways of this mansion...who would have ever imagined such an occasion."
The fight subsided when the four men took notice of Bayonetta, who was staring at them smirking with her arms crossed. Her beauty was so strong and apparent, it was able to stop the fight. Her beauty might even prevent an alien invasion from ever happening...but don't even consider telling Corrin that.
"Aren't you four supposed to be on punishment?" Bayonetta continued, taking note of Falco and Rool and how quickly their visages changed; their mouths were agape, and they were looking at Bayonetta in a loving way. Fox and Ryi, they both have a love interest, so there was no need for them to check out Bayonetta.
"Used to, but then we sneaked out of the room after Falco had manipulated Mega Man," explained Fox. "Ain't that right, Falco?" Fox nudged his Star Fox partner-in-crime, who was too busy checking out Bayonetta to listen or pay attention. Smoking hot women like Bayonetta are always ruining the attention span of men.
"Oh, yeah," Falco snapped out of his trance. "I just sent that man Mega Man and his dog Rush to Hawaii. We won't be seeing him for a good while!"
"I'm baack!" Mega Man's voice was heard from the foyer. How on earth did the robot lad get back so quickly? Falco must have underestimated Rush's flying speed...
"Aw man, we're screwed!" Rool panicked. "What are we gonna do?! Bayonetta, you gotta help us!"
"Anything to save your shins," the Umbra Witch smirked. "However, it will come with a steep price..."
Ashley: Actually hard to believe I'm saying this...but Bowser has done me a huge solid. With a majority of the brawlers down with the common cold, I can focus on my potion making with little to interruption. It feels quite...peaceful around here, and it hasn't been that way for a long time. Let's just hope that the cold persists for another week, I could get used to the quietness...
Ashley was busy making potions, stirring her goblet and sprinkling some fancy stuff in it, while Wario was resting in his bed. He was reading those perverted magazines of his, for it was the only entertainment he could find; Ashley refuses to let the fatso watch television whenever she's present.
"'Fully Clothed Women'?" Ashley read the title of the magazine Wario was reading. "Really Wario? You're disgusting..."
"What's so wrong with looking at pictures of fully clothed women?" Wario scoffed. "Best part about these magazines is that you get to let your imagination fly, and take you to places you would never imagine! I oughta buy you an issue of 'Fully Clothed Men', and you'll see what I mean! Who knows, you might even see Young Cricket in it!"
"I think I'll pass..." Regardless of your stance on these "fully clothed" magazines, you can halfheartedly agree that such a concept is dumb and pointless. The effort put into making these magazines is effort perfectly wasted.
Just then, Toon Link and Robin rushed into the room, in a dire need of a potion. What task must they fulfill?
"We need a potion that will make anything that Robin cooks taste great!" demanded Toon Link, hasty and furious in his response.
"Let's see if I have a potion just for that..." Ashley looked into her shelf, and found a potion that had a label "Cooking Enhancer" on it. She handed the potion to Toon Link, and the young Hylian and Robin ran out of the room, hoping to improve Robin's cooking.
Immediately afterwards, Viridi rushed into the room, also in a dire need of a potion. What task must she fulfill!"
"I need a potion to make Pit love me again, I can't bare to see our relationship not intact!" demanded the goddess of nature, also hasty and furious in her response.
"Good thing I still have a few love potions left..." Ashley looked into her shelf, and found a love potion, handing it to Viridi. The goddess of nature ran out of the room, hoping to make Pit love her again and continue the relationship.
Just when Ashley thought she would be left at peace, Red the Pokemon Trainer of all people rushed into the room, in a dire need of...yeah, you know.
"I need a potion that can heal my Pokemon, they're low on energy!" demanded the trainer...you see a pattern here?
"Why do I insist on keeping potions..." Ashley looked into her shelf, and found a Pokemon potion, handing it to Red. The Pokemon Trainer ran out of the room...wait, why can't Red just buy a Pokemon potion from an Item Store, is there not want within the mansion's vicinity?
Ashley: *glaring at the camera* Starting to share Samus' sentiments...everyone here must die.
Bowser waited near the ballroom door, waiting for Marth to exit the ballroom - which he did in a matter of minutes, just so he could "use" the bathroom. The Koopa King ran inside the ballroom, and eyed the wedding cake before him.
"You're all mine..." Bowser evilly rubbed his hands together. The setting right now couldn't be more perfect; here was Bowser by himself, in the same room as the cake. Nobody can stop him now, not even..."
"Woof woof!" the Duck Hunt dog barked his way inside the ballroom, after picking up Bowser's scent from afar. Bowser had nothing to worry about, for he knew a silly mutt like the Duck Hunt dog won't harm him one bit.
"Oh no, the Duck Hunt dog found his way inside the ballroom!" Bowser acted sardonically, as if he was scared for real. "I'm so scared, I just don't know what to do!"
"Woof woof woof!" Rush barked his way inside the ballroom, after hearing the Duck Hunt dog's cry. And then, the worst happened for Bowser...
"Rush, I thought I told you not to look for Duck Hunt dog whenever he's barking!" Rush's faithful owner, Mega Man, ran inside the ballroom, scolding his pet dog. Then he looked up, and saw Bowser - standing literally inches away from the cake. "Freeze!" The robot pointed his Mega Buster at Bowser, who had his arms up in the air like a convict.
"Don't shoot me, I'm innocent!" pleaded Bowser, begging on his knees. "I just came here to check the temperature of the cake!"
"I check the cake's temperature every morning, and I just checked it a while ago, it's still fresh." Try again, Bowser.
"In that case, I wanted to ensure nobody took a bite out of this cake! Wario can be quite a handful!"
"Samus paid off Wario to leave the cake alone, he promised he won't touch it until the wedding." Your move, Bowser.
"Okay, well...why can't I just look at it and admire his glory and beauty? Can a honest man do that much nowadays?!"
Mega Man: It was honestly entertaining to watch Bowser come up with excuse after excuse to protect his hide. Any person with rational thinking would obviously know that Bowser is always up to something evil, and you can tell by his affability in most situations. You can't expect to give out massages to brawlers one day and try and act nice like he did last Friday, when the other day he got glitter all over mansion's roof!...And yes, it was serious, Mr. Game & Watch was off-duty, and Master Hand relegated me to housekeeping duties! Do you not realize how hard it is to clean glitter off of a roof?! It's impossible beyond relief!
"Fess up Bowser, we all know your plot to eat that cake!" frowned Mega Man. Will Bowser surrender, or will he come up with another crummy excuse?
"Who's we, those two mutts are dummies, they have no clue what's going on!" retorted Bowser. His response really agitated Mega Man, nobody ever talks smack about Rush like that.
"You're gonna get it now!" Mega Man unleashed his Mega Buster on Bowser, firing charged shot after charged shot.
Link, Alph, and Lucario, in a search for the missing Taxitol bottles, went to the ball pit. Alph had suggested that they look in the most unlikeliest of places, and the ball pit was just one of those places.
"The bottles might be stashed underneath those balls," assumed Lucario. "One way to find out!" The aura Pokemon dug into the ball pit, manuvering through the balls, until... "Hey you guys, look what I found!" Lucario came up out of the ball pit...holding bottles of Taxitol in both of his hands. "There were many more of these at the bottom!"
"Way to go, Lucario!" commended Link. But the praise is not well-deserving yet, for the culprit has yet to be found. "All that's left to do is find the person who stashed the prescription bottles in the ball pit. You guys got any suggestions?"
"Bowser Jr. and the Koopalings have been frequenting the ball pit for some time now," stated Alph. "Maybe we should interrogate them."
So the trio went to the Koopaling's favorite place to hang out- the gaming room - and saw them chilling out. What's peculiar is that they're the only individuals in the gaming room; no one else was to be seen. Bowser Jr. saw the trio, and stopped whatever he was doing.
"Everybody act natural!" he ordered the Koopalings. The eight delinquents stood up in front of Link and company, acting as humble and innocent as possible.
"Found these in the ball pit," Lucario threw Taxitol prescription bottles at the Koopaling's feet. "Got any idea how they got there?"
"Wow, man, we don't know, we certainly have no clue why the ball pit had prescription bottles of all things," shrugged Larry. "It's not like our father bribed us steal everyone's prescription bottle, and hide them underneath..."
When Larry realized what he had done, he covered up his mouth. His siblings were all glaring him down - the leader of the Kooaplings (if you count out Bowser Jr) had just outed his own father.
Iggy: *shaking his head* We were so close to getting those giant wedding cake slices Father promised for us...but apparently Larry proved that not everyone can have good things. Thanks a lot buddy...
Larry: *sobbing* I feel like such an idiot! And now that I revealed Father's plans, he'll probably ground me for life, and he won't let us have the biggest slices of the wedding cake, all because of me and my gigantic mouth! So ashamed!
"Where is your father?" demanded Link, furrowing his brow to intimidate the Koopalings.
"Not snooping around the ballroom hoping to eat some of the cake," Larry opened his mouth yet again, only to cover it with his hands for a second time. "And there I go again..."
"We have no time to lose!" Link rushed out of the gaming room, with Alph and Lucario tagging along, leaving Larry behind with his ticked-off siblings, gathered around him like they were gonna give him a street hood beatdown, to deal with.
Back to the kitchen, where Shulk was learning how to cook with Dunban. The two Homs were making pancake sandwiches, and Shulk - whose condition is getting better- was learning at a rapidly fast rate.
"Prepare to meet your match, boys!" Robin came into the kitchen with Toon Link, carrying a potion. Shulk and Dunban watched as Robin and Toon Link baked some waffles and mixed some syrup with Ashley's potion, pouring the concoction over the half-baked waffles.
Dunban: Robin just showed Shulk and I why he's unfit to be a proper cook. You can't serve anyone half-baked waffles, and expect the eater to be impressed by your cooking. And the use of Ashley's potion is a clear sign of desperation. Robin should just give up on cooking, he'll have his magic to rely on for a great amount of time.
"Bon appetit!" Robin showed off the plate of waffles, drizzled with Ashley's potion syrup, to Shulk and Dunban...who weren't impressed in the slightest. Rather, they looked at each other for a second, and burst out laughing in tears.
"Stop laughing at Robin, he has been the butt of jokes for his cooking, and now it's time for him to turn the tables!" Toon Link defended the mage. Toon Link defending Robin's porous cooking? This has to be a joke, right?
"How are your pancake sandwiches coming along, Dunban?" Master Hand entered the kitchen. First he saw Dunban and Shulk...and then Robin and Toon Link. The giant hand let out a deep sigh; despite its deepness, it can be heard throughout the mansion. "Robin I thought I told you, you are no longer allowed to cook..."
"Or so you say!" Robin smirked confidently. "With the help of Toon Link here, I made these special waffles, and I'm hoping you'll enjoy them!"
"We'll have to see about that...to the dining room!"
In an effort to hide themselves from Mega Man, Fox, Falco, Ryu, and Rool stood frozen in the middle of a hallway, acting as statues. They were mimicking their trophy poses from SSB4, and since they weren't in a trophy state, pulling it off took a heavy amount of effort and dedication.
"So...uncomfortable..." Falco mumbled without moving his lips. Bayonetta, who had suggested this idea, took a picture of the four on her phone.
"Picture perfect!" she smirked, placing her phone back where it was. She saw Pit running towards her, and the angel hesitated to go any further. He still has some beef with the Umbra Witch, which is understandable considering their differences. "Hasn't your 'mother' Palutena ever told you it's rude to be running in the hallways?"
"No I wasn't running!" Pit defended. "I was...jogging at a very fast rate." Still the same thing as running. "Anyways, I've been looking for Viridi, you got any idea where I can find her?"
"Pit I found you!" Would you know it, Viridi ran up to Pit, carrying the love potion in her hands and giving it to the angel. "Please drink this potion, I beg of you!"
"Yeah, before I drink this potion, I got something to say..."
"I said DRINK IT!" Viridi is starting to revert back to her tsundere ways...Pit drunk up the potion in a jiffy, and a few seconds later...nothing happened. Time to see if the potion worked... "So Pit, you still love me? Are you willing to re-establish our relationship?"
"We were in a relationship? Girl what are you talking about? I never liked you to begin with!"
The sheer joy and happiness that was initially present on Viridi's face immediately turned into devastation and despair.
Ashley: Forgot to tell Viridi one important tibit of information...if you hand someone a love potion, and they drink it when they're already in love with you, they won't love you anymore. Hopefully Pit's and Virid's breakup was genuine, and not a complete and total misunderstanding...
"Pit what has gotten into you, don't you remember anything about our relationship?" asked Viridi, nearly on the verge of tears.
"Our relationship?" Pit scoffed. "Man, you're crazier than I've ever imagined...just stay away from me, okay?" Pit walked away from Viridi, and the goddess of nature fell down on her knees, sobbing miserably. And so ends the Pit-Viridi relationship...it was going so well.
"Aw, you poor soul..." said Bayonetta. "That is why you don't trust your love and companionship in those you expect to be trustworthy." With those parting words, the Umbra Witch marched her way forward, leaving Viridi in her state of despair.
"Awkward..." Fox mumbled silently.
Master Hand sat...or in his case, hovered...in the dining room, accompanied by Robin, Toon Link, Dunban, Shulk...and Sonic. The hedgehog was tasked with feeding Master Hand the waffles Shulk just baked.
Sonic: First time I don't have to massage Master Hand, thanks to my cold, and the guy wants me to feed him some food...why couldn't Zelda do all this crap, she's the one who failed her dumb driving test!
"Pick up the waffles and insert them in my mouth!" Master Hand ordered Sonic. The hedgehog raised any eyebrow, for Master Hand's mouth did not exist on the surface of his...body. How does Sonic expect to feed him? "Put the waffles in the palm of my hand, you dummy!"
"Could have just said that..." Sonic placed the waffles on Master Hand's palm, and "ate" the waffles by squeezing his hand tight in a fist.
"So...what do you think?" asked robin, eager about what Master Hand has to say. The anticipation is already killing him, he might be a dead man by the time Master Hand gives his answer.
"These waffles...taste great! Why, these are the best waffles I've had in a long time! Makes me glad I even have a mouth to begin with! (Though I won't question why I even have one, due to my species.) Sorry for doubting you Robin, I'll let you cook for as long as you please!"
"That's not fair, Robin used one of Ashley's potions to enhance the waffles!" Dunban pointed out.
"Ease up Dunban, no need to feel all butthurt. I know how it feels when someone's better than you - I've always felt the same way about my brother Crazy Hand at times. But don't worry, you'll surpass Robin one day soon..."
"Don't listen to Master Hand, you're still the best cook that I know," Shulk rested an assuring hand on Dunban's shoulder. "Just keep doing your thing, and don't ever look back!"
"Thank you for the kind words Shulk, you're the best friend a guy could ever ask for."
Despite not being sick, today was a bad day for Bowser. He not only fulfilled his plan of eating the wedding cake, but he also got beat up by Mega Man...with some assistance from Link, Alph, and Lucario. The Koopa King was left in a battered state, and Mega Man didn't know how to punish him...until Bayonetta came along.
"Are you sure we should leave him like this?" the robot asked Bayonetta, standing in front of frozen brawlers - Fox, Falco, Ryu, Rool, and the newest addition, Bowser - all frozen in time and recreating their trophy stances.
"We'll just leave him here to die, or until Master Hand finds him and decides what to do, whichever one comes first," replied Bayonetta. "Now tell me more about this, prescription bottle distribution thing you speak of..."
Mega Man and Bayonetta walked away, leaving the five male brawlers standing still by themselves.
"Feel...so...stiff..." mumbled Bowser. Maybe going after that cake wasn't such a bright idea...