Randy is in Azkaban for his wizarding crimes. "Last time on Survivor! The deep cut of George got Ron's tits in a twist." Ron looked stank as Dumbledore licked Harry's ear in the shelter.

"At the challenge, Gay Lupin forced the castaways to face their fears as they fought off Boggarts." Shots of everyone firing off their ridiculous spells.

"Lavender got shot at the challenge, and most of Hufflepuff were huge pussies, so Slytherin and Hufflepuff were sent to tribal council." Montage of the elves not knowing how to do magic and Dolores being racist.

"Desperate to stay in the game, Cedric ignored everyone trying to find the idol." Shots of Cedric dashing around. "And he came up empty-handed and was slaughtered by Slytherin," Cedric makes a constipated face as his torch is snuffed.

Teleporting out of his magical jail cell, Randy shouts, "Sixteen are left; who will be voted out tonight!?"

Hufflepuff Tribe

Night 5

The three return to camp, and Neville offers to start the fire.

Ginny shakes her head. "We need the idol, fuck fire, fuck food, Winky, let's go."

"We're going to need a miracle," Neville says as he fully descends into an emo boy. "I'm miserable with Voldy here. I want to die." Voldemort laughs.

Winky stumbles around and falls into a bush as she and Ginny search the perimeter of the camp.

Digging into a tree's sacred hole, "I found it. Winky! Come here." Ginny is clasping a small package.

The little elf marvels as Ginny unwrapped the package.

"This is the hidden immunity idol… yes, yes!"

Ginny dances with a small medallion in her hands. "I can not tell Neville. It's already bad that I told Winky, but I think she's my slave? That's how elves work, right?" She shrugs and hides the idol in her bra.

Off to get drunk, Winky saunters away.

Drinking huge gulps of butterbeer that she stole from production, "Winky happy for Ginny, she found a hard looking cookie!"

"Neville! Did you find anything? I haven't!" Ginny being fake as fuck as Neville digs in some bushes.

"Oi, I haven't found anything. Cedric couldn't find it either." Neville thinks, "maybe Randy is lying about the idols?"

"Yeah, maybe we're not looking hard enough. Did Cedric leave the clue?"

Ginny chuckles to herself as a dwarf collects a coconut in the distance.

Slytherin Tribe

Day 5

"I chickened out on my blindside plan." Lavender brings her knees close to her chest. "I just want the Slytherin people to trust me? There's less blowback. I hope Ginny isn't mad. Did I make the right decision?" Lavender fakely smiles as the Slytherin tribe sits around the fire.

Draco brushes his hair with a twig. "Make me dinner bitch." He kicks Dobby with his left leg.

"Yes, sir!" Dobby falls and scrambles over to the rice.

"Everything went according to my plan." Draco strokes his cock in exchange for a sandwich. "The next-uh step is to throw ah a challenge!" He cums, "and then we can control who goes again."

Adjusting her glasses as she reads the tree mail walking back to the shelter. "We need to pick a leader! That's obviously Snape." Dolores says.

Snape tans sexily on the beach. "Indeed, I'm a great leader."

Dobby wipes some sweat off his brow as she rewraps her gauze Lavender grunts.

An owl hoots and hollers in the distance

Ravenclaw Tribe

Day 5

The four women were sitting around the campfire discussing their tree mail.

Reading the note scrupulously with her diva glasses, "so who's our leader?" Asks Luna,

Everyone mostly mumbled. Parvati uses a spoon to stir the rice.

"Well, I didn't want the other tribes to think I was the leader of this tribe." Cho smiles, "I just had to push someone a little."

"I guess we should take a vote, Hermione? I think you're a good leader." Cho says.

"Yeah, I would vote Hermione for Prime Minister!" Parvati comments and then takes a big gulp of coconut juice.

"I'm honored to be the leader of the Ravenclaw tribe." Beaming as she sits on a log. "I really trust these girls."

Some ominous violins play in the distance,

Gryffindor Tribe

Day 5

Harry's robe slinks off his slender shoulders, "oh, Hagrid, you're such a big man." He moans.

Hagrid, rubbing his enlarged clit, had cornered Harry into a palm tree.

"You like that little slut?" Spitting onto Harry's puckered hole, Hagrid just kinda rubs up against it.

In the distance, Ron was stomping back from the tree mail owl. He notices the sexual groping that was happening.

"Harry innit you're my bottom slut?" Ron shouts at them as Harry's eyes cross.

"Sorry Ronald, I think this bussy can be passed around." Hagrid shoves a giant finger into Harry.

"Our mail says to pick a leader. I guess Harry's bum is our leader." Holding up the paper, Ron makes a goofy face.

"Yeah fuck me!" Harry laughed.

"It's annoying that Harry is grafting with everyone like he told me that he trusts me last night in the shelter," Ron takes a deep breath, "I bet he's saying that to everyone, oh bother. It's all tits up."

A dolphin jumps out of the water as they are magical creatures.

Immunity Challenge

Day 5

"Come on in!" Randy announces as everyone walked out into the grand hall

"Get a look at the tiny Hufflepuff Tribe. Cedric voted out at the last tribal council."

"Oof," Parvati says.

"Alright, so each tribe picked a leader? Step forward." Harry, Hermione, Ginny, and Snape step forward.

"If you're not a captain, drop your buffs." A few gasps escape people's mouths. Ron grins as he drops his buff. "Captains, you'll pull a number from a bag to see who's picking first." Some transitional bird calls are heard.

"Okay, Hermione will be picking first, then Harry, then Snape, and finally Ginny. After everyone chooses a new tribe member once, we will flip the order." Randy explains, "Hermione, you know what to do."

Hermione clears her throat, "I would be foolish not to choose the biggest man, Hagrid."

"Getting to choose the new Ravenclaw house felt so amazing." Hermione laughs, donning a clean new blue buff. "The best move is to pick strong people, and this game is eighty percent physical."

"I'm choosing Ron." Harry crosses his arms.

"Bloody hell, I'll be stuck with Harry." Blushing hard, accentuating his freckles, "I guess I still love him; he's just so mysterious. I want to trust him as my final two, but Gin feels like a safer bet, good lord." Ron laughs and shrugs his shoulders.

"Snape, you're up," Randy says as Snape coughs.

"Mr. Longbottom." Neville blinks and stumbles his way onto the Slytherin mat.

"Okay, Ginny, make your pick."

She places a finger on her chin, "I'm picking Winky."

"Alright, to make it fair, we're flipping the order. Ginny picks again."

Ginny glances around the Slytherin and Ravenclaw tribes.

"I wanted to pick someone whom I could trust. I didn't really care about our tribe's strength."

"I'll take Luna."

"Yippee! Thank you sooo much, Gin Gin!" Luna runs over and envelops her emaciated arms around Ginny's thick torso.

"And back to Snape."

"... Albus." Dumbledore joins the green tribe as Draco and Dolores both look pissed.

"What the fuck was Snape thinking? How are we supposed to stick together if we're not all on the same tribe?" Draco sighs, "and then the worst scenario happened."

"I want Draco," Harry says, and Ron gapes next to him.

"Wut?" Ron says as Draco angrily stomps over with his red face matching his new red buff.

"Hermione, make your last two picks,"

"So, I could just pick up Cho and Parvati and keep the girls together." She smiles, "but I have a feeling they're too close, and if I lost Luna…"

"I'm picking Cho… and Lavender." Lavender gasps and limps to Hermione. Cho fakes a smile.

"Exactly what I didn't want to happen happened." Cho puts her head down, and her luscious straight black hair covers her face. "It's fine. I guess my new best friend will be Lavender." A shot of Cho and Lavender smiling at each other.

"Praise the Lord! I'm away from those racist older people! Hallelujah!" Dancing in her seat, Lavender grins, showing all her white teeth.

The three people unpicked, Dolores, Dobby, and Parvati, all shuffle around in place.

Harry smirks, "I'm picking up Parvati."

Hunched over in a small rock clearing, Parvati closes her eyes, "I would be lying if I said I wasn't offended to be picked that late." She blinks, "at least being flirtatious got me with the hot young guys. GL Cho."

Snape flares his nostril, "Dolores."

She curtly steps onto the green mat.

"They underestimate me because I'm a woman." She balls her fists on top of her Pepto Bismol-colored dress. "That's exactly where I want them." She cackles.

"And that leaves Dobby with Hufflepuff." Dobby walks over and hugs Winky.

"Your challenge will be tomorrow. Head back to your new camps." Randy sends them off.

"It's a new beginning. I'm so ready to win." Harry says in a voice-over.

Ravenclaw Tribe

Night 5

In the night vision lens, Hagrid tends to the large fire he's created.

Cho and Lavender cuddle in the shelter.

Subtitles pick up Cho's whispers, "We need to work together."

"I plan to get the other two wary of Hermione. She's my biggest threat." Cho covers her shoulders with her robe.

Hermione follows a cameraperson into a clearing. A piece of paper hangs from a tree. She grabs it greedily and rips it open.

"I found this advantage. It's the melanin steal." Hermione is noticeably blacker. "I stole Lavender's melanin. My skin is on fleek."

A dramatic shot of Lavender's white face buried into Cho's breast,

"Oh my God. Lav, wake up. You're white!" Cho shakes her, and Hagrid looks over.

Peering at her reflection in the camera lens, "someone must have done a spell on me. I'm white as porcelain!" Lavender laughs, "Then when I saw her. I knew something was wrong."

Awake and out of the shelter, Lavender confronts Hermione at the fire. Hagrid gapes.

"There was some drama already! We just all got together." His mouth hangs open, and he slaps a hand on his forehead. "I couldn't believe it." Hagrid shakes his head.

"Hermione, what does African American mean to you?" Crossing her arms as her hair turns red, Lavender sneers.

"I don't understand the question. I'm just black now. It must have been something we ate." Hermione flips her voluminous hair dramatically.

"Whatever. As if." Lavender stomps back into the shelter.

A drum plays jovially as the stars twinkle in the sky.

Slytherin Tribe

Night 5

"It's time to be manipulative. I plan to get the professors together. I trust Neville as well. Snape did an excellent job at picking the new tribe." Dumbledore rubs his chest erotically.

Snape and Dumbledore meet near the well in the dark. "Let me get a drink of water," Snape dips his canteen in the well.

"Severus, this is when we build our army. Our Dumbledore's army." Albus states as he runs a hand over Snape's bony ass.

"Oh, we shall."

Lighting strikes in the sky, and Dolores' frumpy ass sits in the shelter.

"My path to victory is in reach. Severus trusts these two over Dobby and Draco, but I think we could have just been those four." Dolores holds up four fingers. "I am not worried." She crookedly smiles.

Neville picks a wedgie and peers around some trees before finding Dumbledore.

"I need to fix my problem before I kill myself. I'm going crazy!" Neville pulls out his hair.

"Professor Dumbledore, help me." Neville rips off his robes completely nude as Voldemort laughs.

"Oh boy! I'll have to perform an exorcism. We should do this at dawn." Dumbledore hugs Neville too tightly.

"Seeing you know who on that fine thick ass troubles me. That's the ultimate evil and to think an innocent boy like Neville would be caught up in it is truly upsetting." Dumbledore shakes his head and frowns.

The camera focuses as Dumbledore shoves his cock into Voldemort's mouth. A cymbal crashes in the soundtrack.

Gryffindor Tribe

Day 6

A deer prances through the Gryffindor camp and distracts Ron and Parvati.

Draco and Harry were walking along the beach together, "look, Potter, we need to make a truce."

Harry sputters, "work with you? You must be kidding. I don't trust you."

"We're the biggest threats when it comes to the merge, and you know that. Don't be stubborn, Potter."

"I'm not stubborn!" Harry walks a bit faster to get away from Draco.

"I want an alliance. Listen to me!" Pulling on Harry's robe, they crash into each other rolling onto the sand.

"Draco!" Harry sexily squirms under Draco's weight on top of him.

"If we lose, I want to boot Parvati, okay? I'm not targeting you." Draco then aggressively kisses Harry, biting his lower lip.

"Am I trolling Potter? Perhaps." Draco giggles as the hickeys on his neck glisten. "I need his vote and his bussy."

"I don't know what happened today, but God, I am in so many trysts. I'll have to cut one of my lovers eventually." Harry says while standing in his underwear.

Cutting back to the shelter, Parvati kicks her legs into the sand.

"I'm separated from my girls! I guess I can work on the guys. It's time to flirt my way to the end." Looking sexy, Parvati gives the camera a come hither stare.

"Ronald!" Parvati calls him as Ron returns from the ocean with a trout.

"Yeah, Parv? I got dinner for us." Ron turns his head, searching, "where are Harry and Draco?"

Parvati shrugs. "Who cares? Tongue punch my minge before they get back." She rips her skirt off, and Ron drops the fish to eat her pussy.

A bell jingles in the distance as Parvati screams in glee.

Hufflepuff Tribe

Day 6

Luna does a rain dance in the middle of the camp.

Winky and Dobby were fucking openly in the shelter as Ginny watched on a log nearby.

"I got stuck with both elves, but I think what they lack in strength they make up for with loyalty." Ginny glances around as flies swarm near her face.

Rain begins to pour, and Luna opens her mouth to drink from the sky.

Winky groans as Dobby cums inside her.

"Guys, can you not?" Shifting uncomfortably, Ginny makes space in the shelter.

"Dobby, so happy Winky is here. She's so beautiful." He wrings water out of his rags.

"You guys, let's all shower in the rain together! It's so warm and lovely! Come on, Winky!" Luna grabs Winky's hand, and she trips into the rain.

"Winky wet already," she laughs.

"Winky and Dobby will be in the final two. They underestimate. Ah, Winky feeling sick," she proceeds to vomit in a nearby bush.

An eagle scoops up a kitten playing in a field.

Immunity Challenge

Day 6

The four new shuffled tribes all walk into the courtyard and settle on their mats. Some inquisitive looks at Lavender are thrown her way. "Get a look at Hermione's new skin color. She's black now."

"Oh wow," says Luna.

Randy claps his hands, "A Survivor classic, this challenge is shouldering the load."

Draco quips, "Potter can surely take my load."

Explaining at length, "two members from each tribe will have a broomstick across their shoulders. The other tribes will add twenty-pound weights to their broomstick each round. When the weight becomes too much to bear, the tribe member will drop out of the challenge. The last two tribes standing will win immunity and reward. Want to know what you're playing for?"

Everyone applauds, "woo!"

Randy reveals a tasty tray of chocolate chip cookies and some milk.

Parvati groans in pleasure.

"I'll be Santa Claus! Ho ho ho bitch." Dumbledore says, and Neville nervously chuckles.

"Strategize on your spots, and we'll get it on."

A dramatic transition of some weights being tossed in the air,

"Okay, on the broomsticks, Ron and Draco for Gryffindor, Hagrid and Hermione for Ravenclaw, Ginny and Luna for Hufflepuff, and Snape and Neville for Slytherin. Everyone else distributes the weight."

The elves both add to Neville, and he dramatically moans and squirms.

Parvati and Harry choose to split their weights between Luna and Ginny. Cho and Lavender both target Ginny. Dolores and Dumbledore pick Luna.

"Luna and Ginny with sixty pounds each!" And shortly after ending his sentence, Luna collapses. "Luna is already out!" Ginny grunts.

"This challenge is sooooo easy." Droning and sweating, Draco taunts everyone.

"It's been five minutes, time for another round of weights," and before anyone can make a decision, Ginny drops her stick and takes a seat next to Luna.

"Hufflepuff is headed to tribal, Dobby, Winky, take a seat on the bench."

"I'm going to say it, that challenge was rigged." Ginny stankly says on the bench as producers hurriedly call their lawyers. "It's whatever. I'm not going home tonight." She brags and flaunts the idol.

Snape gets hit by Cho and Lavender in round two, and Parvati and Harry choose to double Neville's weight.

"Is that how it is?" Dolores aggressively gives Ron his first bag of sand.

Dumbledore looks confused and picks Draco.

"I am so sorry, everyone." Neville drops out, and Snape looks crestfallen.

"This is pointless. Let's just go to tribal; you snot-nosed brats." Forfeiting the challenge, Snape throws his broom at Cho.

"Wow, that was quick. Gryffindor and Ravenclaw win immunity!" Randy throws his arms up in the air.

Montage of them cheering with Ron having a milk mustache.

"We lost! I'm so sad." Luna says as the tribes walk away from the challenge. "It feels like a whomping willow picked me up and swapped me around. Wow."

Slytherin + Hufflepuff

Day 6

The two tribes were segregated, and Slytherin was quick to say a name and disperse.

"Luna Lovegood is the most dangerous out of our pitiful options." Dolores states.

"Agreed, she's attached to those sniveling girls from blue." Snape swivels his cloak.

After confirming the vote, Albus drags Neville away from the group; he quickly undresses him and ties Neville to a tree.

"A wizard exorcism is a dangerously fatal spell, but it's the only way I can save Mr. Longbottom." Producing a Bible from his robes, Dumbledore blesses himself.

"May the power of Christ compel you! May the power of Christ compel you!" Splashing holy water on Neville's taint, he writhes in pain.

"Get the fuck away from me, old man, this boy's soul is mine!" Neville's eyes roll into the back of his head.

"Devious serpent, leave this realm now!" Dumbledore then begins speaking in tongues. "Grtrsaergezs, Christ, dingdonhavafbtssaag"

"Ahhh!" Voldemort slowly gets ripped off of Neville's taint and scurries into the bushes.

Panting and exhausted, Neville falls from the tree, flaccid.

"Bail," Dumbledore says to himself.

Meanwhile, in the shelter, Winky sits on Ginny's large thighs, Luna and Dobby play patty cake. "Okay, so we're going to target whoever Neville tells us to," Ginny says.

"Original huffs are at three members left, and we're all going to this tribal council. We need to stick together. I'm okay with following a leader." Shrugging her shoulders as Ginny sits on the beach.

Dolores enters the camp, "pspspsp, Dobby, come here." And Dobby follows her into the ocean.

"Listen, Dobby; you need to vote for Luna." Dolores pets Dobby's head. Snape washes his hair nearby.

Deeply frowning as the counter alliance's plan transpires only a few feet away, Ginny grabs Luna's hand. "I need to show you something," Ginny digs in her bra, "I have the idol. We might need to use it on you."

"Oh my God. Okay, I'll talk to Professor Dumbledore. I think I can get him on our side. You find Neville. " Luna jumps up and dips.

Feeling attacked by the evil spirits, Albus is dousing himself with holy water as Luna creeps upon him.

"Professor? Am I interrupting your bath? I understand; I smell like a roll of nickels."

"No, no, what is it, Luna?" Dumbledore hides his crucifix necklace and holy water container.

"I wanted to propose an alliance between us because we're on the outer." She smiles, "I think we should vote for one of the Slytherin."

"You are correct in that assumption, Luna. They're voting for you. We should flip it on Dobby. He's useless for your tribe in challenges."

"I knew going to Dumbledore would be beneficial for information. Information is power in this game." Luna smiles as her stomach grumbles.

Ginny is taking Winky on a walk. Winky pulls on her leash. "Winky smells Neville this way!" She drags Ginny down a clearing.

Neville is still buck naked, lying in the grass.

"What the hell happened?" Gasping as she helps Neville up.

"I was possessed by you know who." He says as he scrambles to cover up his nether regions.

"We've all been there," a drum gets hit as Ginny files her fingernails with a stick.

"I want revenge, Ginny. The professors are playing us against each other."

Winky lifts her leg to take a piss.

"Ugly boy wants to vote out Snake now? How come a vote for Dobby came from Ugly boy?" Winky bulges her eyes.

With her veiny and wrinkled hand, Dolores grabs her torch to head to tonight's tribal council.

"I feel comfortable in the connections that I have made. We should be seeing that dumb girl go home." Dolores cuntily smiles.

Walking to Tribal with her torch, Ginny smizes, "Luna gave me the 411; if I feel like Luna might need some rescuing, I'll play it for her." The camera closes up on the bulge in Ginny's pants.

"Dobby is scared. Winky told Dobby that Dobby should vote with Winky or Dobby is losing." He holds his torch as he follows Snape in line.

Tribal Council

Night 6

Hufflepuff and Slytherin enter the great hall, and all take their seats as Randy smiles at them. "At this tribal council, only one person will be voted out." Winky breathes a sigh of relief at this.

"New tribes, Ginny and Snape as leaders, do you think you made any mistakes with your tribe selections?"

"We'll have to see," Snape says while Ginny looks angry.

"No, I got to pick last. I didn't get to pick from the strongest, and then the challenge was about brute strength. It's not my fault." Ginny crosses her arms.

"I think Ginny's point is that us old men and women had no chance today no matter what, Randy," Dumbledore says.

"Yeah, yeah," ignoring Albus' complaints of rigging, "Hufflepuff, I thought you were weak before, but now!" Randy exclaims.

Dobby and Winky giggle along and pinch each other's nipples.

"Mr. Marsh, I think you're underestimating us. I think we can win a challenge." Trying to be optimistic, Luna backtalks Randy.

"What challenge? Asking for donations since you all look like starving kids from Africa?" Dolores says and points at the three girls sitting on the end.

"How was your menopause, Dolores?" Ginny asks, narrowing her eyes.

Neville bawls his fists, as Randy observes, "despite the swap, there's three original Slytherin and Hufflepuff, and Dumbledore and Luna on the outs. Do you two feel like you're on the chopping block tonight?"

Dumbledore says, "no." Trying to be coy, Luna simply blinks twice at Randy.

"I'm voting for a Slytherin. They drew a line in the sand. when Cedric went home." Ginny glances around.

"Stupid girl, you voted for me." Rolling his eyes, Snape curls his lips.

"Snape makes a valid point Ginny, was there not already bad blood, or are you just mad that they struck first?" Needling Ginny, Randy smirks.

"Well, they were supposed to sacrifice Dobby, and they didn't." Ginny flips her hair.

Turning his attention to the confused elf, Randy asks, "Dobby, since your master Draco got swapped away, what's deciding your vote tonight?"

Caught off guard, "Dobby sticking to a plan that was told to Dobby."

Randy raises his eyebrows, "that's very interesting; let's see these plans, Luna. You're up first."

"Wahhh, I'm so scared; they're voting for me!" She laughs as she votes because she is so crazy.

Dramatic shot of Snape drawing an L-U in bubble letters.

An over-the-shoulder shot as Winky says, "Winky making a big move."

"I am sorry to break an allegiance like this, but Cedric didn't deserve to go home. You threw the first stone. See ya later." Neville writes down a name.

Rubbing his face, Dobby begins to cry.

"Pawns, go home." Dumbledore holds up his vote for [Dobby]

Ginny begins to write a D before the camera cuts back to everyone sitting around the grand hall's fireplace.

"Maybe you should eat something, Kate Moss looking bitch." [Luna] is shown as Dolores claps her vote closed.

Randy is aroused, "I'm gonna get those votes."

Dumbledore crosses his legs, and Neville sweats behind him.

"If anybody has a hidden immunity idol and wants to play it, now would be the time to do so."

Looking down, Ginny fixes her skirt and does not speak up.

"Alright," Randy digs into the Goblet of fire, "the first vote,"

[Luna]

"Oh, OK, everyone hates me," Luna says.

"The second vote,"

[Lounah]

Ginny glares at the elves.

Randy thumbs open the next parchment.

[Dobby]

Rocking back and forth, Dobby almost falls off his stool.

"Next vote,"

[Dolores]

A dramatic violin plays.

"Me?" She says.

[Dolores Umbitch]

"We have two votes on Dolores and Luna, one vote on Dobby, three votes left."

[Dolores]

Dolores' mouth forms a diagonal line.

Chuckling at the next vote, Randy flips it over.

[Luna L.]

The soundtrack builds as Dolores and Luna both clench their buttholes.

"The fifth person voted out of this game…" Randy dramatically unfolds the vote and flips her.

[Doorlez]

"Dolores, four is enough. Bring me your torch." She looks devastated as Snape hides his face with his hands.

She walks over to Randy and places her torch down.

"Dolores, the tribes have spoken." He snuffs her torch, and she storms out of the great hall and Hogwarts.

Randy faces the remaining seven, "Well, that was certainly interesting. These tribal councils will only get harder as time goes on. Can you really trust each other?" Ginny makes an intense face at this, "head back to camp, good night."

Luna skips away as everyone dips from the tribal council.

Standing at the elimination train station Dolores begins to speak, "They made a grave mistake in taking me out of—" a stampede of centaurs attack and kidnap her, presumably raping her or stealing her pocketbook.

NEXT TIME ON SURVIVOR

Dramatic fallout from the vote, Snape goes on a rampage back at camp.

"Then let's make a deal," Malfoy continues to make unlikely friendships.

And at the challenge, everyone gets mazed and confused. A branch hits Hermione in the face as she runs down a corridor.

Votes

Dolores- Neville, Ginny, Luna, Winky

Luna- Snape, Dolores, Dobby

Dobby- Dumbledore