Author's Note:
Yes, as you can obviously infer from the title, this is yet another wedding-themed episode of Smash Life, the third edition so far. And with that, some guest reviews:
"If the Blazblue characters show up can you include a scene of Noel interacting with Velvet from Tales of Berseria? (Cristina Vee voices both of them) are the Star Fox characters using their voices from Star Fox Assault or Star Fox Zero? Will you include a scene of Mario meeting the Kong family? And finally, are you going to include Tidus's infamous laugh when he shows up?"
Uh, sure. The Star Fox characters are using their voices from Zero. Mario will meet the Kong family soon. And Tidus has an infamous laugh? (Never played FFX.) I'll check it out sometime soon. Another guest review:
"Here's an idea. How about doing a story where an accident causes Cappy to 'capture' the residents of the Smash Mansion; where in the end everyone, except Peach (because of Tiara) and maybe Luigi because he already has a mustache, has experience of having a hat and mustache appearance a least once. How the accident happens and gets resolved is up to you. For the 'good guy' characters, the effects, after being freed from Cappy, would be confusion while the 'bad guy' characters would act dizzy, just like the characters in Odyssey."
Good idea, though I'm more worried about the execution than anything else. But I'll try. Another guest review:
"I know Mario already has dogs, but will the puppy with the hat from Odyssey make an appearance, or it already appeared in the story and I just missed it."
That adorable puppy with the hat? I can make him a pet of Mario's. J300 has returned, and with three questions in mind:
"1. Will Dedde undergo a training schedule to make him more buff like in Star Allies?
2. Can we also see a Movie Night Chapter, with the movie just being characters from the Smash Mansion being warped in as a prank.
3. Could Lara's fate in the Smash Mansion be dependent on a tennis match between Bowser and Mario in the wake of Mario Tennis Aces being announced?"
1. Perhaps; he already trained before, in episode 67.
2. A movie night chapter, but would the characters in the movie? Sure, why not...
3. You'll see what Lara's fate truly will be soon...also, had no idea about Mario Tennis Aces being announced. Thanks for the heads up!
Now we'll move on to Derick Lindsey...
"...here's an idea if you ever decide to have Berkut make up with Alm and end the hatred he has for Alm: Berkut has a nightmare where he actually killed Alm and everyone at the mansion hates him for it, Master Hand bans him from the mansion, Celica yells at him about what Alm ever did to him to make Berkut kill him, Rinea wants a divorce saying she no longer wants to associate herself with a murderer and says she hates him, even Alm as a demon comes out of the grave screaming before he wakes up in his bed and goes to Alm to apologize and end his hatred of him which Alm of course accepts saying that's all he ever wanted from Berkut.
Showcasing Berkut's nightmare within this story would be...hard, considering the parameters that this story is set upon. I could just have Berkut discuss the events of his nightmare to other characters, and just go from there. Last up is ShadowKirbyfan:
"just a chapter idea. Pit finally pushes kirby to his breaking point and he snaps, unleashing his fury on Pit."
Kirby has been friends with Pit long enough to reach a breaking point...but when will this breaking point be reached? I won't say...
Episode 116: Marriage
The day everyone - well, mostly Berkut and Rinea - had finally arrived, the day in which the two lovebirds Berkut and Rinea would put their engagement to a romantic end, and finally be married from now until the end of time. Or until either one of the two died. The wedding, which didn't have a venue prior to Balthier's debut, was chosen to be the Urban Light Studios, an art gallery that showcased many artworks from aspiring artists. A fairly small venue to host a wedding.
But why select a small venue in the first place? It was because Berkut refused to have "low-class losers" at his wedding, only opting to have his fellow mansion residents attend. This was much to the chagrin of Master Hand, who initially saw the wedding as a golden opportunity to introduce Pikachu Day to wedding guests, and spread more "awareness". He could have very well made the entire wedding public if Berkut allowed him to.
As a means to make up for what Master Hand called "lost time", Mario and Balthier - the wedding officiant who was staying over at the mansion for a temporary amount of time - were forced to go around Seattle, selling Pikachu Cheesesteaks and memorabilia to the citizens around town. It had to be done prior to the wedding, and Master Hand expected to hear a very good report from Mario.
"When Berkut told me about Pikachu Day, I thought it was an overextended inside joke, one that Master Hand and a few others participated in..." Balthier said to Mario, the sky pirate following the plumber through a neighborhood while holding Pikachu Day memorabilia in his hands. "...but I never would expect such a day to be this big. Simply outrageous!"
"I don't care-a for Pikachu Day as much-a as you do, Balthier - but we just gotta do what-a Master Hand says," replied Mario, holding a sack of Pikachu Cheesesteaks that were made by Link and Sora. "You wouldn't want to be face-a to face with Master Hand on his worst-a day...or even his best-a day!"
Master Hand: People like Zelda keep on telling me that spreading awareness for Pikachu Day is a bad thing, but quite frankly I don't see it that way. Spreading awareness is supposed to be genuine and heartfelt - you're trying to raise public understanding, and make the general public more knowledgeable about certain things. Is it my duty to make people as a whole less ignorant than they truly are? No, not by any means - I'm not a skilled psychiatrist. But I do know that when a problem is lurking around, it must be quelled immediately.
Mario and Balthier would arrive at their first house, having to get past the Rottweiler that was guarding the front yard like a burly bodyguard. Once at the front door, Mario knocked on it, and a middle-aged man would answer.
"H-Hello, who are you guys?" the man asked out of curiosity, holding a mug in his hands. "Are you two lost, are you supposed to be at some video game convention or something? I can just tell by the look of your outfits that..."
"Sorry to interrupt-a you, my good friend, but have you heard-a about Pikachu Day?" Mario asked the man, who looked around in confusion. The idea of a plumber talking about Pokemon just seemed...odd to him. "It's a day so-a great, it deserves to be celebrated every day? Right-a Balthier?"
"Indeed Mario, and this lucky man looks like he would celebrate Pikachu Day to the fullest!" exclaimed Balthier, although the man was genuinely confused by what was going on. "Here, take this free t-shirt, it would look good on you!" Balthier handed the man a Pikachu Day t-shirt, while Mario gave the man two Pikachu Cheesesteaks.
"Here's one for-a you, and one for your-a wife." The man took the cheesesteaks, now even more confused than ever before. "Do you even-a have a wife? Why don't you tell-a her to come here, so we can-a tell her about the wonderful day known-a as Pikachu Day!"
"Yes, I do have a wife...but I'm not bringing her to the front door. This would be a waste of her time, and whatever this is going on right now is an extreme waste of my time. So how about you just go to some other house, and leave me be?"
"Honey, who are those men at the front door?" the man's wife asked, as she appeared to Mario and Balthier through the front door. "Why is one of them short and dressed like that Mario guy?"
"They're just lost, sweetie, now go back to your room," the man told his wife, who was growing suspicious. Suddenly Mario and Balthier heard a loud growling noise, as they looked down and saw the Rottweiler growling at the both of them.
"We should-a be going now," Mario smiled at the man, as he and Balthier made a run for it. The two ran out of the front yard, as the Rottweiler chased them away. Time to move on to the next house...
Mario and Balthier would head to their next house, with Mario knocking on the door. A black man answered the door, and was ticked upon seeing Mario and Balthier standing on his porch.
"Good afternoon sir - you look-a pretty angry today," greeted Mario; not that hard to see why the man was angry in the first place. "But you know what will-a make your anger go away? Celebrating Pikachu Day, of-a course! A great day in-a which..."
"Man, I didn't answer this front door to see some fake Jehovah's Witnesses talk to me about some stupid day, get outta here with that crap!" the man barked at Mario and Balthier. There was nothing more intimidating than a ticked off black dude, especially if he was up there in terms of age. "Now scram before I have to call the police on your behinds!" The man angrily closed the door, as Mario and Balthier stood there in awkward silence.
"...we should just leave our stuff at his front door, to see if it'll change his mind," suggested Balthier. Very little chance of that ever happening.
"Yeah, good-a thinking," agreed Mario, as the cheesesteaks and memorabilia were placed at the front door before Mario and Balthier went away.
The next house Mario and Balthier visited was a straggly and unkempt one, and it looked pretty abandoned too. The duo was nervous about approaching this house, even wondering if anyone was inside.
"In all my time-a in Seattle, I've never seen quite a house-a like this," remarked Mario, as he and Balthier were looking at the house in question. Not even the crew from Extreme Makeover: Home Edition could spruce up that house.
"Looks like it was hit by a typhoon...though I seriously doubt typhoons ever strike this city, let alone the state," added Balthier, having some serious second doubts. "Let's just head over there, and get it over with..." So the duo approached the house and knocked on the strangely ajar front door, as coughing and wheezing was heard from inside. Mario and Balthier looked at one another with concerned faces, before a scraggly lady answered the door, smiling all creepily and such.
"Hello boys...would you like some crack?" the lady asked Mario and Balthier, her creepy smile still apparent. Obviously this lady was a crackhead, and possibly the worst kind of crackhead there was.
"Ma'am, I'm not sure if you're entirely aware about this, but your door was left ajar," explained Balthier, feeling slightly concerned for his life and well-being. "Do you always leave it open like that?"
"Have you brought me food?" the lady saw Mario holding a Pikachu Cheesesteak in his hand and snatched it away, before gobbling down the sandwich like she hadn't eaten in days. Mario looked on, taking a cautious step back. "My oh my, I haven't consumed anything that wasn't crack in months! Please tell me you have more of that sandwich! I beg of you! Eating more of those creations would give me more motivation to grow the crack in my basement..."
Mario: That crazy lady sold-a crack in her home and was never caught... *shakes his head* ...she should have-a given Snake some pointers.
"We should head-a out soon, I can't just give you all-a these cheesesteaks," replied Mario, but he could tell by the lady's face that she craved for more cheesesteaks. Like she said, it had been a long time since she ever tasted anything that was remotely food; some Pikachu Cheesesteaks could very well prevent her from throwing her entire life away!
"No please, stay with me I insist!" the lady implored, going as far as begging on her knees. Mario backed away, and Balthier would do the same. "Stay with me forever! I'll treat you right, I promise! I'll just keep growing my cocaine, while you feed me your beloved sandwiches. What more could you possibly want?!"
"We should definitely make a run for it," Balthier whispered to Mario, noticing how increasingly desperate the lady was becoming. Almost on the verge of tears.
"Go," Mario whispered right back, as he and Balthier ran away from the lady. As you would expect, the lady was visibily angry, as she shouted at and fired curse words at the retreating Mario and Balthier before returning to her downtrodden home. What a way to live your life...
Moments later, Mario and Balthier would return to the Smash Mansion, nearly out of breath. They would arrive at the front yard, where Isabelle and Ayaha were speaking with one another before seeing Mario and Balthier catching their breath.
"So boys, how did it go with the whole 'spreading awareness' thing?" Isabelle asked Mario and Balthier, who were still taking a breather. That led Cappy to pop off of Mario's head, so he could do the talking.
"Mario and Balthier just came in contact with some crazy lady on drugs and made it out alive," explained Cappy, making it seem like the crackhead lady was a sociopathic twit intent on killing those on her property. "Other than that, everything went well - not that many people were receptive to the whole Pikachu Day thing."
"As I expected - don't know why Master Hand made me 'in charge' of Pikachu Day, like I would even care about it," remarked Ayaha, before heaving a sigh. If only she could say no to Master Hand, letting alone getting away with it. "I can't for the life of me think of anyone aside from Master Hand who 'celebrates' it, other than Pit, Kirby, and maybe even Link and Sora."
Ayaha: So apparently Master Hand is looking into having public schools recognize Pikachu Day as a national holiday, and applying how Pikachu Day works, nobody would ever go to school again...I don't know how I should feel about this stupid day anymore.
Master Hand: Pikachu Day, it's like my baby, and it deserves to go on forever and ever until the end of time. When Jay Leno was killed off by NBC over that silly conflict a couple of years ago, they didn't cancel The Tonight Show - they got Jimmy Fallon to host the show, to carry on the spirit of Leno. They even have an extremely realistic hologram of Leno appear on the show occasionally, to remind viewers of his greatness. So as long as the spirit of Leno lives on, the spirit of Pikachu Day will forever live on too.
A few hours before their wedding, Berkut and Rinea met in the lounge to go over some things. As stated in the previous episode, Berkut agreed to have his arch-nemesis Alm serve as his best man, but the paladin stated at the end that a "bait-and-switch" would take place. Nobody knew what that meant, but Berkut would explain the fine details to his future wife Rinea, who wasn't down with the idea.
"Why, Berkut, that is horrible - you can't possibly do that to poor Alm!" the noblewoman fretted, while Berkut failed to see what the problem was. "You agreed to have Alm as your best man, so you better stick to it! Speaking of whom, shouldn't you be speaking with Alm in regards to the wedding?"
"I already spoke with Alm the other day, and we planned everything out accordingly," replied Berkut, but Rinea was unsure if she should trust her fiance. "That way, I won't have to worry about speaking with that loser until the wedding starts. Or so I would have to, depending on how my diabolical plan...goes." Berkut turned to his right, and saw Pit, wearing nothing but a black tie and some...bloomers.
"The Duck Hunt Dog tore up my tuxedo, and my tie was the only thing that survived the onslaught," explained Pit, as Berkut and Rinea inquisitively stared at the angel. "Would it be fine with you if I just came to the wedding looking like this?" It wasn't proper wedding attire, but unfortunately for Pit, he had no other options.
"Eh, if it's fine with Lady Palutena, then it's fine with me. Also, why are you wearing bloomers for? Very interesting choice for underwear, don't you think?"
"They were the only thing I had in my underwear drawer, aside from this speedo that I found. Then again, it might not have been my underwear drawer - could have been in the wrong room."
"Berkut, you must tell me how I look in my wedding suit!" Takamaru entered the lounge, sporting a suit with ripped off sleeves. Certainly fitted the guy. "I ripped off the sleeves on purpose so I could show off my triceps, as a recommendation from Heihachi. Makes me feel more manly - you should rip off your sleeves too!"
"Your suit looks...nice, I suppose. I won't judge you, and neither will anyone else." Just then, another resident entered the lounge, in Rosalina; the mother of lumas was wearing a white wedding dress, and was looking quite beautiful. Would garner two thumbs up from Ganondorf.
"Tell me Berkut, do I look stunning in this lovely white dress?" Rosalina asked the Berkut, who didn't feel like giving his critique on wedding outfits. He had more important business to attend to. "I tried asking Ganondorf, but his jaw dropped and then he fainted to the floor before he could give me his answer...I might look drop dead gorgeous in this dress. Or maybe it might be something else, Ganondorf could be experiencing lightheadedness from a cold or something. How do you think I look in this dress, Berkut?"
"Okay people, I'm trying to discuss things with Rinea here, I'm not here to critique how you look...I'm here to discuss my diabolical plan to kill off Alm for good!"
Berkut suddenly covered his mouth, as he realized what he just said. Pit, Rosalina, and Takamaru were all looking at the paladin with shocked faces, while Rinea shook her head at her man. A sucky way to blow your cover and reveal your secret plans.
"To kill off Alm...with love and kindness!" reaffirmed Berkut, though it didn't do much to lower the suspicions of Pit and company. Realizing the position he got himself in, the paladin ran off sheepishly, exiting the lounge and off to places unknown.
Berkut: Not worried that I accidentally shared my plan with Pit - that moron will likely forget what I said once he finishes adjusting his tie. But Rosalina and Takamaru...they'll either tell Master Hand, or tell someone who will tell Master Hand. I usually condone killing residents whose names aren't Alm, but if I wish to protect my hide and carry forth with my plan...
Berkut ran down the hallway, not looking back, before skidding to a halt when he saw Aerith speaking with Cloud in the middle of the hallway. They were discussing the wedding later that day, but more specifically the venue that the wedding will take place at.
"I'm not so sure about having the wedding at the Urban Light Studios, it might be too small for all of us," said Aerith, as Cloud nodded his head in agreement. "There's like, over a hundred of us in this mansion, and we can't possibly squeeze everyone inside one room. And when you take into account Mario, Luigi, Peach, Daisy, Yuffie, and Lara..."
"I personally wouldn't mind if we just let some folks behind - I'd kill to attend a wedding without Wario gassing up the place," Cloud offered his take, brushing back his lovely, spiky blonde hair. "Or without Ryu breathing all up on my neck. Or without King K. Rool trying to devour all the food at the wedding reception. But, Master Hand will force everyone to attend, enforcing his idiotic 'participation matters' drivel..."
"Bowser would strongly detest that statement, I'm sure...I think we should have some residents attend the wedding, and have the others prepare the wedding reception. Balthier apparently wants Falco to be the 'funny guy' at the reception, so Falco should help prepare the reception and get things in place."
"Just because Falco made Balthier laugh several times - intentionally and unintentionally - doesn't mean he should be the comedian of the night. If you ask me, most of the jokes Falco tells are either unfunny or tasteless. He would get booed out of the venue in an instant, or even later." Cloud would look to his left, and see Berkut. "What do you want, Berkut?"
"Oh, nothing, just running away from my problems...the problems I will face in my new married life," replied Berkut, concealing his plan to eradicate Alm. "Every married person has problems with their spouse during their marriage, and I was thinking that if I run from my problems now, then I won't have to face them at a later time...say, where can I find Dark Pit?"
"He's in the beauty salon, getting Flora all prepped up for the wedding. I wouldn't go bother him if...I were...you..." Cloud and Aerith watched as Berkut ran off to the beauty salon; apparently Dark Pit was a part of the paladin's assassination plot.
Mario and Peach were already prepared for the wedding, with Peach wearing her wedding gown and Mario wedding his wedding outfit...the one with the top hat and the tuxedo. If you were expecting the plumber to attend the wedding in a wedding dress, then feel free to be disappointed.
Also prepared for the wedding was Lara, and while she didn't look as great as Mario or Peach, she at least looked presentable. Way more presentable than Pit.
"I'm terribly sorry you two, but I just don't feel like attending Berkut and Rinea's wedding," Lara apologized to Mario and Peach, who were busy tidying things up. "Not being able to return to London and all has killed my mood."
"Still feeling down in the dumps, Lara?" Peach smiled at the tomb raider, trying to cheer her up. Lara would smile back, albeit weakly. "It'll be okay, you'll be back in London in no time! Besides, wouldn't you want to see Berkut and Rinea married before you leave the States?"
"I suppose...but I just don't have the excitement to see them married at all. I might still be bitter about the whole London thing, but I'll get over it...eventually."
Bowser: Lara is still in town, which means it's time for my chance...my chance to win over Lara and make her mine! Berkut's wedding will be the perfect venue to express my love towards Lara - I've even written a song dedicated to Lara that I'll sing in the wedding reception, if Berkut and Balthier would let me. Berkut's wedding day might very well be his last if I don't get my way...
Up in the Star Records room, Fox, Itsuki, Doc Louis, Little Mac, Knuckles, and everyone else affiliated with Star Records were dressed for the wedding, with Ayaha being one of two persons not present. The other person who was absent was Falco, who just ran inside the room in his tuxedo.
"Guys, I need your assistance, and I need it real bad!" the avian pilot said to Fox and company. "I need some comedic banter to use at the wedding reception, to keep the crowd laughing and stuff." Balthier officially named Falco as the comedian of the wedding reception, and that left Falco desperate for some material.
"What kind of material we talkin' about?" asked Doc Louis, taking a bite from his chocolate bar. Don't be surprised if the entire chocolate bar is devoured in its entirety before the wedding starts. "We ain't talking about witty banter, are we? I hate that kind of banter!"
"It kind be any of kind, just as long as it's funny. You know what, I'll just do some improv, and then we'll just go from there and see how it goes." Falco looked around the room, and pointed at his main man, Fox. "Fox! You may not know it, but we have a lot more in common then you, me, or anyone else thinks! For instance, we both have girlfriends - you have Krystal, and I have Katt Monroe."
"Uh, yes, that is true Mr. Lombardi, we do have girlfriends, and we love them very, very much," replied Fox, unsure if he was doing it right. Itsuki and the idol singers glanced at one another, confused by what the pilots were attempting to do. "However, while Krystal and I are miles ahead in our relationship - or so I think - you still have a ways to go, my friend. How about I give you some romantic advice, some pointers that will improve your..."
"Okay, stop it, I've had enough..." Falco would cut off Fox, much to the pilot's dismay. "...Katt Monroe is still not my girlfriend, she has yet to respond to any of my text messages. Even the ones where I tell her that I crashed my Landmaster and I'm on the brink of death. She must be a cold, heartless person. Or maybe I wasn't being convincing enough..."
"We're not exactly sure what you're trying to do, Falco," stated Itsuki, noticing the avian pilot's outer frustration. At first, it seemed like Falco was ready for his comedic role, but it was putting unwanted stress upon him. "Your 'improv' initiative doesn't seem to be working as well as you hoped. Should we try another method?"
"I have an idea...why don't we just ask someone questions, and start a humorous conversation that leads to somewhere?" suggested Little Mac, as he tapped Knuckles on the shoulder. "I'll demonstrate with Knuckles here...so, Knuckles, how's your day coming along?"
"Ask my psychiatrist, my girlfriend Rouge pays her enough," replied Knuckles, as Little Mac laughed at Knuckles' response. "That girl Rouge posts my psychiatrist's notes on social media for everyone to see! I'm like an easy-to-solve Rubix cube - literally everyone can figure me out!" Little Mac laughed even harder, as everyone except for Falco felt awkward.
Knuckles: No, but seriously, Rouge posts my psychiatrist's notes online whenever I have an appointment. Don't ask me how Rouge gets a hold of that woman's clipboard...
"See what I did just there?" Little Mac said to Falco, who was nodding his heading convincingly. "It's all about being funny, but asking and saying the most mundane things. Humor isn't a hard thing to do - you just gotta be natural, and know what you're saying."
"Alright then, lemme give it a shot..." said Falco as he scanned the entire room...before laying his eyes upon Touma. He pointed at the redhead, putting him on the spot. "Touma Forget-Yer-Last-Name! Ready to have fun soon?"
"You bet I am, I always have a great time," Touma nodded his head. "Always the life of the party, wherever I go!" Such a claim caused Eleonora to laugh; she hung out with Touma enough to know what he said was truly false.
"Right you are, Touma, right you are! Now, where were you on September 11th? Were you too young to remember?"
"Falco, just...just stop it right there," frowned Little Mac, preventing the conversation from going south. Falco was on a roll, and he said something stupid enough to kill his momentum. "You're never gonna make people laugh if you ask about things like 9/11. People are too sensitive these days - the moment they hear 9/11, they'll swear vengeance upon every Muslim in existence, and go overboard with their USA chants. The wedding reception supposed to be a place of fun and laughter, not a platform for talking about how great America is. We've heard that noise in our lives enough as it is."
"Um, who is this 'we' that you speak of?" questioned Kiria, on behalf of all her friends. "We're all from Japan, we have nothing to do with..."
"I know, Kiria, I was just proving a point," Little Mac said to the idol singer, before turning his focus to Doc Louis. "Got anything that might help out Falco, Doc?"
"I have this one thing in mind, but I'm not sure if it'll work," replied Doc Louis, before stroking his chin with a candy wrapper in his hand. That poor chocolate bar never stood a chance. "But it won't hurt if we try..."
What did Doc Louis' plan involve? Giving Falco a bear hug and squeezing him real tight. Doc was squeezing the humor out of Falco, and in doing so, he was nearly suffocating the poor pilot.
"Not...too...tight," wheezed Falco, as his eyes were literally bulging out of their sockets. He could feel his stomach ready to collapse, and his heart ready to stop beating. Doc Louis was just that strong.
"Shut up Falco, you actin' like you've never been hugged a day in your life!" said Doc Louis, tossing poor Falco around in the hallway, near the elevator. The elevator doors opened, revealing Roy, and when the swordsman saw what Doc Louis was doing to Falco, he immediately pressed the button to close the elevator doors, before Doc could lay a finger on him. "I'm just trying to force the jokes out of your body, I know they're inside there, somewhere. Tell me something horrible that went down in your childhood." Doc would soften his grip on Falco, allowing him to speak more clearly.
"Back when I was in the Cornerian Flight Academy, there was this girl that I fell head over heels for," Falco told this story, as Doc Louis listened on. "But she was also dating this guy, who was a huge jerk. He was like one of those jock jerks that would give you wedgies in stuff. I was given the choice of killing her boyfriend in cold blood, or beating him up so badly that he would never walk again."
"Sounds too personal, and dark, especially that last bit. Nobody would want to hear a story like that. Let's try something else." Doc Louis would place Falco back on his feet, and gave him a tape recorder that came with headphones. "Put the headphones on." Falco did as he was told, putting on the headphones. "I'm gonna turn this on, and pump it up to max volume. You won't be able to hear yourself, but it's all good. Read what's on the card and make it work!"
Doc Louis would turn the volume up to the highest interval possible, making Falco wince. He then gave the avian pilot a card, expecting him to read it.
"I HATE NESTING DOLLS, THEY'RE SO FULL OF THEMSELVES!" yelled Falco, unsure if he could hear his own voice. But the song he was listening too was a killer. Can't go wrong with some Limp Bizkit blazing in your eardrums!
"Yeah, I wrote that line three minutes ago, true comedic gold right there!" smiled Doc Louis, unconcerned about the possibility of Falco blowing his eardrums out. Would be terrible if that were to happen prior to the wedding. "Now repeat that line, but with a Canadian accent!"
"I HATE NESTING DOLLS, EH, THEY'RE SO FULL OF THEMSELVES!" repeated Falco as the voice of Fred Durst permeated in his eardrums, hoping he wouldn't go deaf soon. Roy would return to the fifth floor on the elevator, thinking that the coast was clear, but when he saw Doc Louis harming Falco's eardrums, that gave him the incentive to head back down.
Roy: Unfortunately a few of our members will be unavailable after the wedding - Berkut's getting married, Alm is the best man, and Crash has to be a ring bearer. Regardless, I'm still planning on having a Straight Fiyah performance in the wedding reception, one way or another...
Falco: *temporarily deaf* I'm sorry I can't hear you, what was that? Doc Louis blew out my eardrums...whaddaya mean, my pet Siamese cat is six weeks in labor? He's working at a coin laundry down the street, too?
Following Mario and Balthier's excursion around town, there were still some Pikachu Cheesesteaks leftover, and Master Hand didn't want them to go to waste. So what did the giant hand opted to do with them? Give them away to the vendors at Urban Light Studios, of course! He entrusted Link to carry the deed, and the Hylian was outside seated at a picnic bench, wrapping up all the cheesesteaks.
"The way you're wrapping up those sandwiches, it makes it seem like you're selling them to someone, when you're actually giving them away," Midna said to the busy Link, as she and Zelda were watching the Hylian's progress. "Makes no sense to me..."
"Midna, Midna, Midna..." Link shook his head at the imp, having to stop his work so he could talk some sense. "...spreading awareness never comes with a price tag. Sure, it might make you lose money, but who cares about money anyway? Money is common, you can literally find it anywhere! On the street, in a fountain, between the cushions of your couch or even Wario's buttocks...Hylia knows the things Wario does with his money. What I'm trying to say is, spreading awareness never has anything to do with money, it's just because encouraging everybody to stay woke. That is always the end goal."
"Pretty ironic of you to say, considering you were selling the cheesesteaks in Pyeongchang two weeks ago..." remarked Zelda, before looking over at the driveway and seeing Flora, hiding secretly, eating some malasadas near a tree. "Flora, what are you doing all the way over there?" Zelda called out to the maid, who shushed the princess immediately.
"Be quiet Zelda, otherwise he's going to see me," Flora responded to the princess, before looking around yet again. Who could Flora be possibly hiding from?
"Who's going to see who?" Link stopped wrapping the cheesesteaks to ask Midna, who pointed at the hiding Flora. "Is she playing a game of hide-and-seek?"
"Judging by her body language, I don't think that's the case..." replied Midna, taking note of how terribly timid Flora looked. Anyone playing hide-and-seek would never be that timid when hiding from someone. "We should go speak with Flora, and do some investigating." So Midna went over to Flora, with Link and Zelda following the imp's lead.
"No, get away from me, you'll blow my cover!" Flora said to Midna and company, who would reach the maid in due time. Flora grew even more nervous, looking around once more. Acting like some murderous sociopath was coming for her.
"It's okay Flora, we're not going to hurt you..." assured Zelda, resting a comforting hand on the maid's shoulder. "...we just want to know what's going on, why you look so afraid. So tell us, what's the matter with you?"
"N-Nothing's the matter, I just wanted some time with myself and enjoy a snack. Wanted to take a break from Dark Pit." This made Zelda concerned - Flora taking a break from Dark Pit suggested that maybe the maid was having a falling out with the doppelganger.
"Why can't you have a snack with Dark Pit?" asked Link, wanting to diagnose the full situation at hand. "Was it because he didn't want to snack on a Pikachu Cheesesteak? I can't blame you for ditching him then..." Zelda and Midna glared at Link, who smiled sheepishly in return.
"I'm just...not interested in spending time with him anymore...I would want to break up with him - maybe even separate for a good while before we can get back together again - but I'm not sure how to do it..."
"I think you should just tell Dark Pit how you really feel, so that he'll understand how you feel about your relationship. Better out than in, as I would say! What do you guys think?" Link nodded his head in agreement, while Midna wasn't entirely content.
"I should be...going now," remarked the imp, as she flew way. What was up with her?
Midna: I have literally no interest in the whole Dark Pit-Flora situation whatsoever. I find it boring, to be honest. Anyone who has ever been at this mansion longer than I have knows how most romantic situations at this establishment go down.
"I can't possibly dump Dark Pit, it would break his heart more than he would hurt mine," expressed Flora; the self-depreciating maid having a broken heart would be bad for herself, and anyone involved. "Being mean and crude just isn't in my nature..."
"You don't have to be mean and crude to express to Dark Pit how you really feel," assured Zelda, looking into the frantic eyes of Flora. "You just have to be clear and firm, don't worry about hurting Dark Pit's feelings." Flora, taking Zelda's advice to heart, nodded her head with a smile. "Say, where is Dark Pit anyway?"
"Beats me, though I do think he's still speaking with Berkut right about now. Apparently Berkut's looking into shoehorning Dark Pit into his wedding..."
Berkut was speaking with Dark Pit outside on the other side of the mansion, telling the doppelganger about the "bait and switch" plot he alluded to in the previous episode. Basically it was just a plot to eradicate Alm, nothing more, nothing less.
"So, to sum things up, your mission is to assassinate Alm during the wedding," Berkut concluded his meeting with Dark Pit, who was smirking with his arms folded. Assassinating people sounded like it would be a job well done for Dark Pit. "If you can't do so during the wedding, then you can redeem yourself during the reception. I just want Alm to be a dead man once all the festivities are over, got it?"
"No worries Berkut, you can count on me..." grinned Dark Pit, proudly pointing his thumb at himself. "You won't have to worry about me needing a second chance when it's all said and done!" Unbeknownst to Dark Pit and Berkut, Sonic was spying on the two from afar, hiding so he wouldn't be seen. And yes, the hedgehog was wearing informal wedding attire...an open vest and some sweatpants, with the right pants leg rolled up.
"An assassination attempt to kill off Alm, huh..." Sonic stroked his chin, under the assumption that Berkut wished to kill Alm so he could take over Valentia. "Balthier must've put Berkut up to this..."
The guests of the wedding would arrive at Urban Light Studios, riding on a transportation bus driven by Toad. And Balthier was the one who rented the bus in the first place, what a guy! While the guests were all filling in, Balthier had three wedding guests stand outside the wedding venue, to prevent "low-class losers" (as Berkut called them) from entering...
"You know, I never got the chance to tell you boys this, but...you're not as bad as I make you out to be!" Cortex, sharply-dressed, said to Toon Link and Young Link, who were standing with the mad scientist with their arrows ready. They were pretty dedicated to their jobs, too. "You're just...extremely dedicated to your jobs, that's all. Nothing wrong with that - I'm extremely dedicated to my job as a mad scientist. Granted I don't have a long list of accomplishments...but at least I can say that my arch-nemesis has yet to kill me!"
"Shut up cretin and do your job, your life depends on it!" barked Toon Link, scanning the area for any intruders. Too bad there weren't any. Well, unless you wish to include the guy who walked by a coin in his hand.
"Hey man, nice costume you got there, very intimidating!" the guy said to one of the three, tossing the coin at that individual. "Would make for an awesome Halloween costume!" Any idea who received the coin?
"Well I don't think a police costume would be intimidating to anyone at all, unless you're a black guy in a run-down neighborhood always getting into the trouble..." Cortex looked down at his hands, and saw that he was the one who received the coin! "Wait, why do I have to get this stupid coin? I'm not wearing a costume, it's not my fault people consider me 'ugly'! They're just blind, or ugly themselves! Stupid half-dollar coin...I hope the bozo who gave me this ends up like the guy on the coin! Oh wait, it's John F. Kennedy..."
"Article 1, Section C, Clause 27 states that you're not allowed to accept monetary rewards for voluntary or involuntary work!" frowned Young Link, slapping the coin out of Cortex's hands. "Now get back to work, maggot!"
Toon Link: That guy earlier got me thinking...I should go as Dr. Cortex for Halloween this year, when we do our nightly police patrol.
Young Link: In that case, I'll dress up as Uka! Provided Cortex doesn't have any ugly friends. I bet you a million rupees his pals are equal with him in terms of hideousness.
It was now time for the wedding to begin, as everyone was gathered in the Urban Light Studios with Berkut, Alm, and Balthier standing at the front. As Aerith feared, it was pretty crowded, as everyone except for the three at front had little to no breathing room. This made it especially hard for the bridesmaids and groomsmen to maneuver down the aisle, because there was no aisle in the first place! People literally had to move out of the way, so people like Mario, Luigi, Daisy, Peach, Olimar, and Celica (who felt awkward walking next to Olimar) could make it to the front.
And then came Crash and Coco...Coco would throw flowers on the floor; some landed on on the guests, due to how overcrowded it was. In front of Coco was the ring bearer, Crash, who had to advance through the hordes of guests while holding the ring in the...
"Oh man, Crash lost the rings!" Pac-Man, standing at the front, panicked once Crash made it out of the horde of guests with the rings absent in the small pillow he was holding. "It must be on the floor somewhere!" The guests all panicked, as they frantically searched the floor for the wedding rings. Where could it be?
"Aha, I found-a a ring!" exclaimed Luigi, ending the search, as he held up a wedding ring for everyone to see. Luigi then took a closer inspection at the ring... "Whoops, false-a alarm, it's just my wedding ring. Forgot that I still-a wear this thing, despite wearing gloves...carry on-a with the search."
"Has anyone seen Fox or Falco anywhere?" Ema asked the others, as the search for the missing wedding ring resumed. "They've been gone even before the walk down the aisle..."
Fox and Falco were in the men's restroom, with Falco suddenly having second doubts about hosting the wedding reception. The avian pilot was frantically walking back and forth, hands on his head, as Fox looked on with concern.
"Falco you can't just give up now, it's a once in a lifetime opportunity!" Fox said to his best friend, hoping to calm down Falco a little. "There's a bunch of people out there that want to hear your funny jokes!"
"How about you just take my place instead?" Falco stopped pacing around so he could ask his best friend. Fox wasn't that great of a comedian, though he could deliver a funny line or two on an occasional basis. "Or get Cloud - his deadpan jokes and delivery along with his stoic face will have the audience laughing!"
"No way man, Cloud would have dry jokes. Jokes about white rice or sandpaper and boring crap like that. Also, it would be too impromptu - he wouldn't be able to handle it, being put on the spot. This is your chance to shine!"
"I just don't wanna screw things up, that's all...you heard how lame Lucina's stand-up comedy act was until Amy forced the audience to laugh at her jokes. You've seen how cringeworthy Sazh's comedic routine was (thought it was mostly Doc's fault). I can't afford to share the same amount of failure as those two reject comedians!"
"Look at it this way, Falco Lombardi..." Fox would grab Falco's shoulders, and looked at this friend dead in the eye, like he was a proud father trying to motivate his son before a football game. "What you're gonna do out there, at the reception...you won't be doing it for me, you won't be doing it for you, you won't even be doing it for anyone in attendance!"
"So...who am I doing this for?" This led Fox to slap Falco silly, like he asked the dumbest question known to mankind. "Ow, not so hard! My face is delicate!"
"You will be doing it for the kids out there, the kids in America! Struggling on the streets, eating whatever they find, trying to make it through life and constantly thinking, 'Will things get better? Will I find a way out?' Falco, I want you to look deep inside yourself (you can do it literally if it makes it more effective) and say...I got this."
"I don't got it." Fox slapped Falco hard. "I said I don't got it, stop hitting me."
"You do got it, now say it..." Something suddenly awoke inside of Falco...
"SLAP ME HARDER!" Fox slapped Falco even harder than before, and Falco screamed, like he was going Super Saiyan. "YES, YES, I DO GOT IT! I'VE GOT NOTHING TO LOSE! LET'S GOOOO!"
Yoshi: *ear pressed against the restroom door* Judging by Falco's screams, he must have diarrhea...no wonder my laxatives have gone missing...
Once the wedding rings were found, and Fox and Falco returned to the premises, it was time for the fun part to begin. Berkut and Rinea were standing together at the front, with the groomsmen and bridesmaids flanking at their sides, and Alm standing with Berkut. Between Berkut and Rinea was the officiant, Balthier, sharp-looking as always.
"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to witness the union of Berkut and Rinea, in holy matrimony..." Balthier would kick things off, with Berkut and Rinea looking into each other's eyes lovingly. Perched near the ceiling from afar from Dark Pit, who had an arrow pointed at Alm's head.
"Don't know about you Tails, but I smell something fishy around here...and I know it ain't me, I showered twice this morning to keep myself fresh," Sonic whispered to Tails, as he looked around the Urban Light Studios. He turned around, and saw Dark Pit, perched at his position, eyeing Alm. "I'll be right back, Tails..." Sonic would weave through the guests, so he could make his way over to Dark Pit.
"Rinea, do you accept Berkut to be your wedded husband, now and forever more?" Balthier asked the noblewoman, after Berkut said his vows. Rinea would be a fool to say no.
"I do," Rinea responded with a smile, before a loud crash was heard. Everyone turned their attention to Sonic and Dark Pit, with Sonic on top of Dark Pit.
"Don't mind us, Dark Pit and I were just...playing around," Sonic said to the crowd, as he and Dark Pit got up. Dark Pit's bow was damaged, much to the chagrin of the doppelganger. "Just get married already, will ya?"
"Someone's quite the impatient one..." remarked Balthier, before continuing with the ceremony. "Now where did Crash put this wedding rings..."
"You, Berkut and Balthier are toast, buddy..." Sonic said to Dark Pit, while Balthier searched for the rings. What did Balthier even do?
After Balthier found the wedding rings, he would put them on Berkut and Rinea and had them kiss, as the two were officially married. Once that was over with, it was time for the wedding reception!
Due to how small Urban Light Studios was, the wedding reception would take place at Axis Pioneer Square, a ballroom in which Toad drove everyone to. The vendors of Axis Pioneer Square would show Berkut, Rinea, and everyone else the way to the reception. A vendor would stand at the entrance, greeting Berkut and Rinea, the first to arrive, before greeting everyone else that came after them. The vendor had a judgmental look about most of the guests' wedding attire...especially Pit's.
"Um, sir, why are you attending this wedding wearing nothing but a tie and a speedo?" the vendor questioned the angel, who was now wearing a speedo. Apparently nobody bothered to get Pit a towel, not even Kirby.
"Because I accidentally crapped the bloomers that I was supposed to wear to the wedding," replied Pit, making the vendor even more judgmental. "This speedo was the only thing I had left to wear." Suddenly the Duck Hunt Dog ran in, snatched Pit's speedo with his teeth, and ran away. "Hey, get back here with my speedo, you stupid mutt!"
Duck Hunt Dog: *laughs while holding up speedo*
As was tradition, the newly married husband and wife were supposed to sit at the front at the ballroom during the reception, to bask in all the spotlight. However, only Rinea was seated at the front. That was because Balthier was speaking privately with Dark Pit, salty that his plan failed the first time around.
"You stupid idiot, why couldn't you fire an arrow at Alm at a place where you wouldn't be seen?" Berkut put Dark Pit on blast, as Dark Pit tried to remain cool and collected. "You said you wouldn't need a second chance, and you fell back on your promise! Stupid liar!"
"Hey, it wasn't my fault Sonic was the most self-aware person in the room," defended Dark Pit, glancing at his damaged bow. "Besides, I hardly even know how this whole 'bait and switch' plan of yours is even supposed to work!"
"The goal was to kill off Alm, and then have you conspicuously take his place as the best man. It was bad enough that Alm was breathing down my neck during the entire ceremony!"
"Why couldn't you just have me kill Alm before the wedding even began, that would make more sense than waiting until the most opportune moment!"
"Because that would make things too obvious, it would effectively blow my cover. I wouldn't want to look like a bad guy on my wedding day." Rinea, who was on the search for her husband, would find him speaking with Dark Pit.
"There you are Berkut, I've been looking all over for you!" frowned Rinea, as she ran over to the paladin and grabbed him by the ear. "We must take some wedding pictures, for the memories!"
"Screw the wedding pictures, I just want to eat the food and return to the mansion! Who cares about some silly wedding photos anyways?" As Rinea took Berkut to the newlyweds table, Sonic looked on, while sipping from a cup, before looking at Balthier, who was cheesing it up with Master Hand.
"Sonic why are you looking at Balthier like that?" asked the male Inkling, as he and his female counterpart approached the blue blur. "You're not...on to Balthier still, are you?"
"Tails told us about how you think Balthier is intent on sabotaging Berkut's wedding," stated the female Inkling, unsure if Sonic was even listening or paying attention. "The reception is about to start, so don't ya think Balthier already missed his opportunity to sabotage the wedding?"
"Well, upon further further analysis and investigation...I was wrong about Balthier wanting to sabotage the wedding," replied Sonic, as the Inklings felt somewhat relieved. Just wait until they share what Sonic said with Tails. "In fact, Balthier is conspiring with Berkut and Dark Pit to kill Alm!" Now that part WASN'T worth sharing with Tails.
"Yeah, so Berkut wants to assassinate Alm and yet somehow Rinea has nothing to do with this assassination plot..." the male Inkling shook his head, unable to support Sonic's weird theory. "What possibly made you think that?!"
"Think about it, Dark Pit was trying to kill Alm during the wedding, and he would never think about killing Alm, ever. Someone obviously put him up to it. And that someone was Berkut, with assistance from Balthier!"
"So Berkut brought Balthier to Seattle, to be the officiant for his wedding, so he could conspire against Alm and kill him..." the female Inkling said, coming to the conclusion that Sonic was a crazy person. "...that's just ludicrous, Sonic."
Sonic: Tails doesn't believe me, the Inklings doesn't believe, and at this point, nobody will believe me! But I'm holding on to my belief that Dark Pit will seek Alm's blood again, during the reception. Then, and only then, will people realize that I'm a genius.
One of the few wedding guests that didn't feel like attending the wedding was Lara, who has been dying to return to London since last week. The tomb raider exited the women's restroom, having finished tidying up her hair, and would return to the ballroom...but not before being stopped by two fellow Brits.
"Hello Lara Croft, hopefully we didn't startle you as much," greeted Professor Layton, who was joined by his trusty apprentice Luke Triton. The way Layton was smiling suggested that he had something big for Lara.
"Hello Professor Layton, and hello to you too, Luke," responded Lara, having a sneaky suspicion Layton was holding something behind his back. "I take it you wish to discuss something of importance with me?"
"Wouldn't say I have to discuss something important...I just felt like giving you something important." Lara's eyes lit up, wanting to know what this something was. "Mario told me about how discouraged you were about not returning to London, how upset you were about the teleportation device being destroyed at a very coincidental time...and so, I decided to make things up to you."
"What do you possibly mean back this?" Layton would dig inside his pocket, and pulled out that something he spoke up...something he held in the palm of his hand that made Lara internally giddy. The tomb raider looked at this something like she was looking at a miniature ghost.
"Lara Croft, out of the dutiful generosity from the bottom of my heart, I would like to present to you a plane ticket to London, purchased by yours truly." Lara giddily accepted the plane ticket, looking at it in disbelief, before looking at Layton and then hugging him. "
"Oh, thank you so much Layton, this is very, very appreciative!" thanked Lara, before releasing her hold on Layton. "I had a feeling someone would come around and give me a ticket. So thank you Layton, and to you as well Luke, although I'm not sure if you had anything to do with this ticket..."
"I may have been somewhat responsible for the funds for getting the ticket..." smiled Luke, as he eyed around the premises. "Anyways, the flight back to London is next Friday, on the 16th. Layton and I made sure to book you with the finest plane service there is."
"Aww, you didn't have to do that...but I still greatly appreciate this, I really do. Can't thank you two enough. Though, given how long you've been at the mansion, you should have gotten yourselves plane tickets back to London as well..."
"As much as I would, I'm afraid we can't..." replied Layton before looking around, leading Lara to wonder why that was the case. "...after all, I'm still in hiding!"
Layton would laugh, and Lara and Luke would laugh along with him. The only person that wasn't laughing was Bowser, who was eavesdropping on the conversation from afar and saw Layton hand Lara her plane ticket. It was now do or die time for Bowser...
Bowser: That Layton bought Lara a plane ticket back to London, and that means Lara is gonna hide that ticket safe and sound so I won't be able to burn it again! Good thing I got my song prepared for Lara, so she can return to London on a high note!
"Smile!" said Amy, as she and Fiora were taking wedding photos of Berkut and Rinea. Rinea was all smiles for the camera; Berkut on the other hand maintained his deadpan face. "Good grief Berkut, would it kill ya to smile for once? It's not that hard!"
"Would it kill you to stop taking pictures of me and my wedded wife..." retorted Berkut; he was definitely fun at parties. "Also, who told you and Fiora that you were allowed to attend my wedding? I demand answers!"
"Um, we practically visit the mansion every week, and we know everyone there, so that should give us a good enough reason to attend your wedding," replied Fiora, as Berkut scoffed and looked in the other direction. "Now can you PLEASE smile, just this once? It can be a half-smile, just give us some effort..."
After Amy and Fiora were done snapping wedding photos, it was time for the festivities to truly again. Balthier was standing at the front with Berkut and Rinea, dashing as ever.
"I would like to thank every one of you for coming here today, to witness the genesis of a new marriage - one that will hopefully be fruitful and joyful," Balthier spoke to the crowd in the ballroom while holding a mic in his hand, trying not to swoon the ladies as much. "When planning this wedding reception, I thought about having a host, someone who could make Rinea, Berkut, and the guests be entertained. That was when I found this guy, lying in wait...everyone, give it up for the one and only, Falco Lombardi!"
K.K. Slider, who was playing his synthesiser - having provided traditional wedding music for the wedding ceremony - would play a funky tune, as Falco would join Balthier at the front of the ballroom. He would shake hands with the sky pirate before accepting the mic and facing the crowd.
"What's good, everyone?" Falco asked the crowd, receiving a pretty decent response. "Well then, that went better than I expected...looks like we got a good crowd here today. Just as I expected from a wedding with Berkut and Rinea. Quite honestly, I don't even know why anyone would even wanna marry Berkut in the first place. Dude looks like an emo Justin Bieber, what with his bowl cut and all!" The crowd laughed at Falco's joke, though Berkut wasn't amused. "What, is Berkut trying to be like one of the Beatles? Everybody knows bowl cuts aren't a thing anymore, but sadly Berkut hasn't caught up with the times!"
"Had no idea this was a roasting session..." grumbled Berkut, as everyone - including Rinea - was laughing at his expense.
"And what about Berkut's best man, Alm? Honestly I was surprised when Berkut agreed to have his worst enemy be his best man. That's like the Joker wanting the Batman to be his best man! Or Sonic being the best man at Shadow's wedding! But at least Shadow knows a thing or two about triangles - we've yet to learn if the Joker's a geometry whiz."
"Phil Jackson would be in approval of that joke, for sure," remarked Knuckles, as everyone laughed at Falco's joke.
"How about those bridesmaids and groomsmen? You got Mario and Peach, Luigi and Daisy...and Olimar and Celica?" Some giggling was present within the crowd. "That doesn't sound right. Celica is tall, and Olimar is short - rare sign of opposites not attracting. What about Olimar being short, though? He's so short, that he literally broke his leg getting off the toilet!"
"Feel like Falco knows too much..." said Olimar, whose leg was in a cast from - you guessed it - getting off a toilet. Falco would continue with his monologue, making the guests laugh along the way.
Fox: Falco didn't kill it out there...he murdered it. Assassinated it. Eliminated it. Dispatched it. Terminated it. And the like. Seattle Police Department ain't got nothing my man Falco!
Falco: I got it out there, I actually got it... *smiles proudly* ...those poor kids on the streets must definitely be proud of me.
Following Falco's humorous monologue, it was time for the toasts to begin. First up was Alm, the best man of the wedding.
"I know you've wanted me dead since forever, Berkut...but I'm happy to see that you've finally married the girl of your dreams," Alm said to the paladin, trying to tune him out. "It's not about how you start a journey of love...it's about how you get there, to your destination."
Next up was Sonic, who was still on to Balthier. His toast would give the hedgehog the opportunity to put the sky pirate on blast.
"Everyone keeps saying this and that about how charming Balthier is...but trust me, I know better than that. Balthier, I know you're helping Berkut assassinate Alm, don't deny it!"
"Um, security?" Balthier called out, as the vendors came in and whisked Sonic out of the ballroom. Sonic tried to tell the vendors that Balthier shouldn't be trusted, but the vendors didn't pay him any mind...
After Sonic was Heihachi, who had something he was dying to say to Berkut since the toasts began.
"Berkut, I want you to take what you have done in regards to your relationship with Rinea, and apply it to my son, Jin Kazuma. I want my grandson married to Ling before the day I die!"
Following Heihachi was Yoshi, who wanted to make a toast on behalf of himself and his "girlfriend" Birdo, the latter still in a coma and brought to the wedding.
"This is a message from Birdo that I wish to relay to you both...don't ever lose sight in your love! Okay, that was mostly me, but you get the point..."
Roy, Berkut's band mate, was next to give a toast, which left Berkut and Alm wary.
"Wanna give a shout out to my man, Berkut, wishing him and his wife a very happy marriage. Also...STRAIGHT FIYAH CONCERT, LET'S GO!" The vendors escorted Roy out of the ballroom before said concert could take place.
King K. Rool also had a toast, though his was mostly directed at Rinea...
"Of all the folks you could marry, and it had to be that bum Berkut?! Why not marry me, I'm everything you could want in a husband and more! Sometimes you just have to look past a book cover, you know?"
Flora had a toast as well, though it wasn't dedicated to neither Berkut or Rinea...it was for someone else.
"Throughout much of my life, I kept hearing that weddings are a magical experience, one full of wonder...and quite frankly, I don't feel that way one bit. And it's because I'm not satisfied with the person I am with. So, on that note...Dark Pit, I'm afraid we must break up."
"...wait, what?" questioned Dark Pit, who was repairing his damaged bow before looking up at Flora in utter disbelief. Why was the maid doing this?!
"I don't think that we're meant for each other. You're arrogant and prideful...while I'm just a shrinking violet with zero self-esteem. I have to be honest with you, Dark Pit, that's what Zelda told me to do." Zelda looked extremely awkward, as Dark Pit couldn't believe what Flora was telling him. "Thank you for listening."
"Well, uh, this is embarrassing, quite an uncompromising position for me to be in..." remarked Dark Pit, standing up from his seat to address the crowd before looking at Flora. "Flora, if that's truly the way you think...then I'm out!" The doppelganger angrily departed from the ballroom, as Flora sighed and returned to her seat, with Felicia comforting her.
Akuma: Dang...that was cold. But I think Dark Pit will recover from the breakup. Flora...not so much.
"Okay...so does anyone else have a toast?" Balthier asked the crowd, wanting to dispel the awkwardness from the ballroom. "We can do one more..."
"Ooh, ooh, pick me, pick me!" Bowser raised his hand like a little schoolkid, expecting Balthier to call upon him. It was the koopa king's time to shine.
"Alright, Bowser! Looking pretty sharp today. Come up here and say something to the newlyweds - take all the time you need!" Bowser would join Balthier at the front, grinning from ear to ear, horn to horn.
"With everybody today doing a boring toast, I wanted to kick things up a notch...and sing a song." Not everyone was pleased by this choice; Bowser singing was a guaranteed trainwreck in the making. "The theme is meant for Berkut and Rinea...but the intent and message is for a special someone in this room. Call it a traditional throwing of the bouquet, but in song form...Black Knight, you ready?"
"Ready as you are, Bowser!" replied the Black Knight, suddenly seated next to K.K. Slider behind an electronic piano. K.K. looked up at the knight, not knowing what to say.
Black Knight: Wrote the lyrics to Bowser's song by myself. Even informed the vendors in advance that Bowser wanted to sing his song as a toast. *sighs* What would Bowser do without me...
The lights in the ballroom would dim, as Bowser took out his own personal microphone. The Black Night played a familiar tune on the electronic piano, as Bowser was ready to sing...
Let's love in style, let's love for a while
London can wait we're only watching the skies
Hoping for the best, but expecting the worst
Are you gonna drop the bomb or not?
Let us love young and love us live forever
We don't have the power, but we never say never
Sitting in a sandpit, life is a short trip
The music's by a single man
"I've got a bad-a feeling about this..." said a wary Mario, watching Bowser closely as the song continued.
Can you imagine when this race is won?
Turn our golden the faces into the sun
Praising our leaders, we're getting in tune
The music's played for the, lovely woman
Forever loved
I want to be forever loved
Do you really want to love forever?
Forever, and ever
As Bowser sang the chorus, a spotlight was dimmed on Lara, who looked around in confusion. That was when Mario knew what Bowser's intentions were.
"HA, I KNEW IT, HE'S TRYING TO SWOON-A LARA!" shouted Mario, angrily pointed at Bowser. "EVERYBODY GET-A HIM!" Mario lunged for Bowser, only to be held back by the vendors; Bowser ignored this and kept singing.
Some are like water, some are like the heat
Some are a melody and some are the beat
Sooner or later they all will be shoved
Why don't they stay loved?
It's so hard to get old without a cause
I don't want to perish like a fading horse
Love's like diamonds in the sun,
And diamonds are forever
So many adventures given up today
So many songs we forgot to play
So much love swinging out of the blue
Oh let mine come true
Forever young
I want to be forever young
Do you really want to live forever
Forever, and ever?
As the vendors escorted Mario out of the ballroom, Bowser looked towards Lara, and saw that she was smiling...but it wasn't an earnest smile. It was more of a half-smile - like she appreciated what Bowser was doing, but his actions were all for naught.
It would only be a matter of time before Bowser finally faced the music.
Bowser: Don't know how effective my song was, but I won't know until Lara rips her ticket into pieces or something like that. Not that she would need to resort to those measures, but that would make my day, my year...my life!
Seated outside Axis Pioneer Square were Mario, Sonic, Roy, and Dark Pit, who were near the venue feeling salty. Each individual had their own specific reason...
"The nerve of Bowser to sing-a that song to Lara, does he know-a no bounds..." frowned Mario, with a face of anger. "Lara is not meant-a for him, when will-a he realize that?!"
"The nerve of Balthier, agreeing to help Berkut assassinate Alm so he could rule Valentia..." frowned Sonic, with a face of anger. "Those two could have gotten away with killing the man, and I wouldn't be able to stop them!"
"The nerve of Flora to break up with me, I never did anything wrong..." frowned Dark Pit, with a face of anger. "Who cares if we were opposites, I was practically the reason why Flora ever had confidence at all!"
"The nerve of those vendors to refuse a Straight Fiyah concert, thought Balthier wanted some entertainment..." frowned Roy, with a face of anger. "I had the perfect song for Berkut too, he and Rinea would've been all smiles!"
Just then, Akuma exited Axis Pioneer Square, holding four plates with cake on them. Wedding cake, obviously.
"There you guys are, Peach figured you'd be all outside," Akuma said to the four, handing each guy a slice of cake. "She cut you all slices of cake, it was the least she could do..."
Mario, Sonic, Roy, and Dark Pit would accept their slices of cake, though the sweetness wasn't enough to lower their saltiness. Although it was a great day for Berkut and Rinea, the same couldn't be said guys like Dark Pit, who had his heart broken, and Sonic, whose attempt to "stop" Balthier was failure.
But as episode 79 proved, not all wedding days had to be happy ones...