"Last time on survivor!" Randy says as he has some freaky ghost sex with Moaning Myrtle. She is all like, "Oh, Randy,"
"We swapped the tribes again, shocking the final eight to their core." Ginny gasped in the flashback. "The two new tribes of Hufflepuff and Slytherin played a rousing game of wizard's chess." Some fun explosions in a montage, "Cho masterminded the challenge and won for her tribe."
"Ginny Weasley looked to be set up as the next boot, but the Ravenclaw girls set their sights on Snape." Flashback to Ginny holding a knife to her wrists as Albus did nothing to stop her.
"At tribal council, Albus tried to flip the vote onto Lavender, leading to a messy 3-2-2-1 blindside on his gay lover Snape." Snape getting his torch snuffed and looking stank.
"Seven are left. Who will be voted out tonight?" Moaning Myrtle bites Randy's nipple as they cum together.
Magic Tribe
Night 13
Albus collapsed into camp and groaned, "My bussy, it aches."
Running off to his toilet bowl of memories, Albus dunks his head to that one time Snape shat on his chest, "Oh, how I miss him with his nasal voice and his crooked cock."
Stars twinkle in the sky as Hermione and Lavender exchange terse words, "Bitch, you fake as fuck." Lavender says to Hermione.
Popping open her scrunched-up mouth, Hermione retorts, "Me? I voted out Snape like I wish I voted for you, cunt. It's Dumbledore's meth-head ass who voted for you."
Hearing his name, he stumbles out of the forest, "Excuse me! But Lavender doesn't deserve to be here. She's ridden everyone's coattails to get this far."
"That's not true. I'm here because of my challenge strength and flawless social game." Lavender says and pulls out her wand.
Lavender, Hermione, and Dumbledore all threateningly point their wands at each other in a triangle formation.
"Oi, oi, break it up! Don't kill each other over a game." Ron jumps between everyone.
Hermione pouts and steps away first, "Ronald, this game is very serious."
"Dumbledore started it when he threw out my name during tribal council!" Making an excuse, Lavender cracks her wrist.
"I didn't vote for you," Draco says to Albus, who wipes his face in shame.
Retracting his wand, Albus coughs, "It was a tough decision between three people, Ms. Brown; you are the most volatile left in the game, clearly by the behavior you're showcasing to us all right now."
"Shut up, you old bitch."
"Was I being extra? Yes." Lavender coolly sits in the low tide, "if Dumble wants a nemesis this late in the game, he's got one."
As everyone fought, Ron and Draco separated themselves into a nearby cave.
"I have some explaining to do." Draco's voice echoes off the walls, "So I lied. I voted for Ginny."
"I know I can't trust that git, but…" Ron blushes.
Dramatic cut to Ron shoving Draco onto the ground, gyrating on his dick. "You're not gonna vote me out, right? You know you love my fat ass."
Draco stammers as some bats fly out of the cave.
"Trying to get everyone to agree is like herding cats." Cho grimaces as she talks to Hermione after all the drama.
Cho and Hermione stood at the well as the sun began to rise.
"We defeated the evil," Cho begins. "I am a bit surprised that only Ginny worked with us."
"I know I hate it. Who can we convince to vote out Draco? Our options are looking dreary."
"You'll like hearing this. We need to split up Ginny and her brother." Grinning widely, Hermione jumps to kiss Cho on the mouth.
"I contemplated telling Cho about my advantage, but it's better if she's surprised like everyone else. I don't think this plan she's cooking will work." Crookshanks jumps into her lap and meows real loud as a transition into the challenge.
Immunity Challenge
Day 14
The castaways make their way through Hogwarts, Ron triumphantly carrying the Magic tribe flag.
Randy stands in his ugly blue button-down, "Is everyone ready for the first re-merge individual test? Welcome to the iconic drinking challenge," Randy said as Lavender gulped.
"There are a lot of big girls here. I'm scared they'll eat me!" Lavender quivers in her boots.
"I love drinking. It's my favorite thing to do." Ginny says in a voice-over as she cracks her knuckles, ready for the challenge.
Randy guides the group to Professor Snape's room, where they discover seven bottles of potions, each with a unique color. "The challenge for today is to identify the correct bottle that will teleport them to the room with the necklace. However, there's a catch. One bottle will take them back to camp, two bottles will poison two, and three will only make them slightly tipsy from Snape's homemade butt wine from when he was trapped in Azkaban." The group is surprised by this sudden turn of events.
"The challenge is random?" Cho crosses her arms.
Getting all haughty, "Yeah, that's totally unfair, Professor Marsh," says Hermione.
Randy responds calmly, "I understand your concerns, but this challenge is meant to test your ability to think on your feet and make quick decisions. Survivor is full of unexpected challenges, and it's important to be prepared for them and not fucking complain. Now, who's willing to take the risk and choose first?" Flicking his magic wand, Randy shuffles all the bottles up.
The group stood in tense anticipation as they chose a bottle of liquid for a challenge. Draco picked up the black bottle confidently, followed by Ginny, who decided on a magenta bottle. Hermione reluctantly settled on an orange one while Albus thoughtfully selected a red bottle. Ron simply shrugged and grabbed a yellow bottle. Lavender offered Cho the opportunity to choose before her, and Cho confidently picked a blue bottle while Lavender was left with the brown one.
The group watches nervously as Draco drinks from the black bottle, but nothing happens. Cho takes a sip from her blue bottle and suddenly disappears; everyone gasps and begrudgingly drinks.
Licking his lips, Draco notes, "This butt wine tastes pretty good."
"I've been poisoned. I need some antidote!" Hermione's face turns green. "Help hurry. I could really use an antidote."
"Guessing I got the wine?" Ginny frowns a little.
Albus coughs and goes up in a cloud of smoke.
"Oh fuck, I don't feel too good." Lavender grabs her head and drops to the floor.
Nurse Gollum and Madam Pomfrey escort Hermione and Lavender away.
"Aight, see y'all at tribal tonight, peace." Casting a spell, Randy evaporates from the immunity challenge.
"Perfect, the best people got the wine." Ron's face blushes.
"Yeah, let's make this easy. Whoever lost between Gay Dumbledore or Gay Cho should go." Getting surly, Draco puts an arm around Ron.
Sitting in a corner, Ginny's pretty fucked up from the wine, "I made a promise to Professor Dumbledore. It's so close to the end, though. I guess I don't care." She giggles to herself.
"Fine with me. They're both huge threats for different reasons."
Elaborating in his confessional, "Cho is super smart, like the smartest person left in the game" Ron flexes a bicep leaning forward, "Dumble, on the other hand, is easily the wisest and could slip right through to the end. Why don't we finish off all the old heads?"
As time passes, the three still at the immunity stand around and finish their drinks. "Oi Ginny, ever had that feminine cock of yours sucked?"
"I don't feel comfortable answering that, Draco," Ginny defensively pulls her school skirt down in an attempt to hide her cock.
"I was just asking because I will suck your dumb brother off. I thought I could do the same to you to prove loyalty or whateva," Grabbing Ron by his hips, Draco attacks Ron's dick with his mouth.
"Don't be a buzzkill, Ginny. Draco's great with his mouth."
"Ronald!" Ginny swats at him,
They all laugh as Ron cums in Draco's mouth.
Infirmary
Day 14
"This poison is really affecting me," Hermione says, lying in a cot.
"Me too, sister," Looking extra sickly, Lavender barfs into a bucket in the next bed over.
After a brief moment, she glances at Hermione and jokes weakly, "Well, at least we're in this together, right?"
Hermione gives Lavender a sympathetic smile, and the two girls begin to bond over their shared misery and the unfairness of their situation. "We can't let what happened during the immunity challenge bring us down, I know I've been rude, but I think my strategy of being mean to get farther is backfiring," Hermione says. "I should focus on repairing my relationship with Ginny."
Lavender nods, "Let's make a secret pact to watch each other's backs and work together to turn the game around. No one will expect us to work together." The girls share a weak chuckle and lock eyes.
"I guess we're easy pickings tonight," Hermione says with a wry smile.
Lavender nods in agreement, her face still pale. "I never thought I'd say this, but I wish I had paid more attention in Herbology now."
Finally noticing, Hermione shouts, "Oh my god Lavender, your skin!"
"The poison is attacking my skin!" Looking wildly shook in a hand mirror that Madam Pomfrey is holding up to Lav's face.
Madam Pomfrey makes a diagnosis, "You have vitiligo, sorry love." And she fucks off.
"I'm all spotted." Lavender begins to cry.
"I could have been the bigger person and given her melanin back, but I didn't." Hermione smiles, finally getting some antidote.
Nurse Gollum rolls in a cart of nasty mashed potatoes, "It's time to eat girls before the tribal council, so you don't die." The fetus on her head jiggles as she spoon-feeds Hermione.
Magic Tribe
Day 14
Cho lies on the beach, waking up from the potion she drank.
"I'm so gutted that I didn't win the immunity today," Cho choked back tears, "It's probably either me or Hermione going tonight. If I find this idol, at least we'll have a fifty-fifty chance at getting someone else out."
Cho silently crept through the jungle, scanning the trees and foliage for any sign of the hidden immunity idol. Every rustle of leaves and snap of twigs made her heart race with anticipation.
"I can't find it, and I'm running out of time,"
The camera zooms in dramatically on a package as Cho walks by hurriedly.
Random Room in Hogwarts
Day 14
Coughing and shaking some dust off his robe, a man in a turban approaches him with a Horcrux.
"Congratulations Albus on winning today's challenge." Professor Quirrell greets him and curtsies.
"This filthy man is here? I wished to talk to Severus one more time." Pouting, Albus makes an inquisitive face. "Something was wrong. I just sensed it."
"When do you start believing in nonsense? Take that off your head." Being racist, Albus snatches the immunity necklace.
"But Albus, it's my religion. Now excuse me while I pray." Professor Quirrell sticks his bussy out for Allah.
"It's dark-sided stuff! Begone!" Albus problematically rips off Quirrell's turban to reveal Voldemort on the back of his head.
"You thought you could get rid of me, Father Dumbledore? You are a fool!" In the process, Voldemort begins crawling out of Quirrell's body, crushing his bones and soul. "I am reborn!" Voldemort's head turns around 180 degrees, his no nose flaring dramatically.
Being too shook and slow old, Dumbledore scrambles to leave the room.
"Get back here, Albus; I know you missed me, hahaha," Voldemort crab walks over to him.
"I'm not dying here," Albus pulls out his wand, "disappear!" smoke billows around him, and he vanishes without a trace.
"This immunity win was a blessing and a curse." Dumbledore receives his torch from a member of production. "I could have died! The children must know that he-who-must-not-be-named is back. He could get the season canceled." A dramatic piano chord plays as Dumbledore heads to the Great Hall.
Tribal Council
Night 14
"Let's welcome our jury members, Harry Potter," Harry looks emo in his Gryffindor Quidditch uniform. "Hagrid," wearing a trans pride tank top, "Parvati," She has her hair down and is chilling in her school skirt. "And the last person voted out, Severus Snape," rocking a new haircut, Snape smiles at Dumbledore wearing the necklace.
"Randy, before we start, something terrible happened while I won the necklace."
Ginny gasps all like "What?"
During this service, Albus Dumbledore took the liberty upon himself to inform the Hogwarts students that Lord Voldemort was at large once again. It is unknown how Lavender took this news after it was first announced.
"That's very troubling to hear, but we have a tribal council to get to whether Voldemort shows up or not. Cho, how was being by yourself for the afternoon?"
Harry makes a stank face and rubs his scar.
Making a shocked oh face, "Pretty fortuitous, Randy. I had all day to look for the idol."
"Yes, there are only two rounds left to play an idol. It would be extremely advantageous to have one."
"Randy, why the fuck did the poison fuck with my skin? I should sue, especially now that you know who is back!" Pointing to her vitiligo face, Lavender scrunches her eyebrows together.
"The game of Survivor is dangerous, and you signed a waiver. Does anyone think that Lavender's new disability is helping her?" Randy rubs his mustache.
"I do." Meekly stating, Ginny says.
"I mean, who cares? We can have a wizarding war after I win the million dollars." Frowning, Draco flashes a white supremacist hand gesture. Snape nods from the jury.
An intense, awkward silence fills the Great Hall.
"Cho, I suggest you play your idol you found today on Hermione," Ron says and smiles.
Ginny gasps.
"All four of us are voting for Hermione." Ron gestures at Draco, Dumbledore, and Ginny.
Hermione gets up to whisper in Dumbledore's ear. "This is the plan; Lav is in on it."
Sensing a scramble, Draco heads to Lavender, "I need you. I will take you to the end if you do this." Lavender looks at him intently and nods her head.
Hermione moves on to Cho, "If you have it play it for yourself. Don't worry about me."
Also getting up Ginny pleads with Albus, "We have a deal, remember? She's a huge threat."
After being desperate, everyone returns to their seats.
"Okay, I guess that's on us for separating everyone after the challenge, but is everyone ready to vote? I'm sure the jury is dying to have someone new join them at Ponderosa."
Hagrid rubs his hands together predatorily.
The Magic Tribe all glance around at each other and make grunts of approval.
"Okay, it's time to vote, Ron. You're up first,"
Jetting to the goblet room, Ron states, "Hope this fooled them." [Cho]
"Working out is deeply fatphobic. Imagine hating fat people so much that you put effort into not looking like them. Shame on you for working out." Hermione holds up a vote for [Ron]
Looking scared for some reason, Draco drops his vote into the goblet.
"Wish I found that idol," Cho shrugs and uncaps the marker.
"Sorry," Ginny votes and yawns.
"I knew I would have to do this eventually. This game is so difficult. You're both so hot," Lavender says, shivering in her green jacket.
Albus smiles, "This decision must be made. This is for you, my lover, Severus," he dips his hand into the goblet depositing his vote.
"I'll go tally the votes," Randy goes to grab the goblet. "If anyone has the hidden immunity idol, now would be the time to reveal yourself and play it,"
Cho shrugs her shoulders and says, "I don't have it," her shoulders droop down, and her hand grabs her bag on the floor.
Laughing stankly, Draco grabs his dick in anticipation.
"Once the votes are read, the decision is final," Randy dug his hand into the goblet sexually.
"I'll read the votes, the first vote,"
[Cho]
She winces.
Randy grabs the next vote out of the goblet.
[Ronald]
Draco's mouth is agape as Ron balls his fists.
Lavender lights a cigarette putting it up to her half-white, half-black mouth.
"Next vote," Randy continues and flips over the paper.
[Cho]
She sighs and shoots a glance over to Hermione, who looks livid.
[Ron]
Revealing the next vote, Randy drones, "Two votes for Cho, two votes for Ron, three votes left."
Ron's face turns green as Randy continues.
[Ron]
"No…" Ginny murmurs.
[Cho]
"Oh God!" Lavender lets out.
"We're all tied up with one vote left."
Draco makes a pained face while Albus smirks.
"The thirteenth person voted out, and the fifth jury member."
[Ron]
"I'll need your torch," Randy gestures to Ron.
"What!?" Ron says and glares at Lavender. "You made a huge mistake."
"Tough luck Weasley," Dumbledore chortles.
Cho grabs Lavender fucked up looking hand, "thank you,"
Sobbing uncontrollably, Ginny hugs Ron before he grabs his torch.
"Ron, the tribe has spoken."
He turns around, "Draco, Ginny, make it to the end, don't trust these slags." He waves and walks out.
Hermione giggles, and Dumbledore makes an unimpressed face.
"The slick six are left, and threats seem to go home." A shot of Draco frowning gets overlain with tribal shouting. "Only a few challenges and votes left. See you tomorrow for the best reward yet."
Cho chirps with an "Oh!" as the Magic Tribe departs back to camp.
NEXT TIME ON SURVIVOR…
"They got my brother. This is so doomed." Ginny cries in her Hogwarts blazer.
"If the votes land on me, we're looking at a reeeee-set!" Acting haughty and placing the time turner around her neck, Hermione cheeses at the camera.
"BeepBeepHonkHonk," Randy slams a car into the whomping willow.
Votes
Ron: Albus, Cho, Hermione, Lavender
Cho: Draco, Ginny, Ron