Author's Note:
Because the port of Crash Bandicoot: N. Sane Trilogy is being released today, I've decided to feature a couple of Crash characters in this chapter. As a lifelong Crash fanboy, I enjoyed writing this chapter a lot more than I should have. Guest reviews:
"Is Nero from Devil May Cry 4 gonna show up? Can you include a scene of Luke from Tales of the Abyss and Soma from God Eater interacting with Marth? (All 3 are voiced by Yuri Lowenthal) is Magnus from Kid Icarus using his Fred Tatasciore or Patrick Seitz voice? And finally, will the Vesperia cast show up when the Tales of Vesperia remaster is released?"
Yes. Maybe. Magnus is using his Fred Tatasciore voice? And the Vesperia crew will show up when the remaster is released...whenever that is. Here's a serious question, from Derick Lindsey:
"...why did none of the Nohr siblings show up? You would think that they would at least send a card or drop by for a little bit because they couldn't stay long so how come they didn't show up for Corrin and Kamui's birthday party?"
Frankly I didn't have any room to feature them in the previous chapter. My main focus was highlighting the new characters. Speaking of which, I just realized something...excluding guest characters, such as Amy, and the pets, I have ONE-HUNDRED AND TWENTY SEVEN CHARACTERS at my disposal. What am I even doing to myself...?
Episode 132: Weekenders
Despite his puny nature and failed track record, Dr. Neo Periwinkle Cortex had everything you could look for in a villain and more. An evil laugh. A devious mind. A sinister ray gun. And a crazy hairstyle that would make mad scientists like him jealous.
Yes, although Cortex had yet to destroy his arch-nemesis Crash once and for all, the mad scientist was still a genius inventor, even though his inventions never succeed in destroying Crash. Cortex had a bunch of evil inventions at his evil lair, aptly named Cortex Castle, which was located at the same island Crash and Coco resided at. Not only that, but he also had a bunch of minions living at this castle too. Sure, they may not be the brightest bunch, but they were still pretty capable...at falling at the hands of Crash.
Having some things to pick up from his lair, Cortex implored Mega Man to take him to his castle via the teleportation device. Tagging along for the ride were two swordsmen - Champion Link, who wanted to see what technological stuff Cortex created, and Shulk, who was informed by Cortex that he had churros lying about somewhere in his castle. Cortex sure loved him some churros...
"Dr. Cortex, why is the plumbing and sewage in this castle so terrible?" Mega Man asked the N head, who led the robot, Champion Link, and Shulk through his beloved castle. Pipes were broken, and water was leaking - not a good presentation.
"I left the plumbing and sewage in its terrible state on purpose to intimidate any intruders," replied Cortex, with his guardian mask Uka serving as a flashlight shining light through the darkness. "It's not like they bill me for that kind of stuff!"
"Or maybe you're just cheap," remarked Uka, glad he was back at Cortex's Castle. While he did not enjoy Cortex in general, the floating mask sure loved the mad scientist's lair.
Uka: Ever since joining the mansion, Cortex has left his castle in the care of his minions. If you ever met the minions, you'd think this place would've been burned to the ground by now.
"Man, I'm starving - I could really use some of those churros you spoke of, Dr. Cortex!" exclaimed Shulk, rubbing his stomach. He could even hear it growling. "How much longer through the darkness?"
"Shut up and quit your whining, we're almost there!" Cortex snapped, before taking out a map. It was a map of his beloved castle. "If I'm not terribly mistaken, we should reach the main room of the castle once we make it down this staircase. The steps are rather creaky, so watch your step!"
"Remind me why we entered this castle through the top floor, and not through the front door like a normal person would?" questioned Champion Link; as Dr. Eggman clearly stated back in episode 27, entering through front doors was a habit evil villains never do. Champion Link should know this.
"Because Cortex apparently thought crashing through the window of the top floor would be the 'coolest' thing ever," stated Mega Man, as the group carefully walked down the staircase. "He must've really wanted to pay for that window."
Once Cortex and company arrived at the end of the staircase, Cortex found a light switch, and flipped it on, turning on the lights. The group was finally in the main room - a room full of inventions and gadgets Cortex worked on in the past. Champion Link looked around and was in complete awe.
"Wow, just look at this stuff!" the Hylian exclaimed, as he grabbed what appeared to be a crane. He pressed a button on it, and turned it on, as the crane started moving around. "Can't wait until I show Princess Zelda this stuff!"
"Better not bring any of my creations with you to Hyrule - I have yet to auction them and sell them on Amazon!" Cortex warned Champion Link, who dropped the crane in an instant when his eyes fell upon another invention of Cortex's. Cortex sighed, as he led Shulk over to a desk, where a bag was. The mad scientist picked up the bag, and handed it to Shulk.
"I take it this is the bag of churros?" asked Shulk, accepting the bag, as Cortex nodded his head with a smile. "Sweet! Thanks, doctor! I know Riki and the others are gonna enjoy these churros!"
"I would strongly advise you to eat the churros in moderation - can't have them go as fast as the malasadas!" Cortex, turning to his right, saw a bunch of mutated animals (and a cyborg) seated around a round table, playing cards. "What in the world is going on over there, I wonder..."
At this round table, you had a rogue gallery of folks - a blue kangaroo in a straitjacket named Ripper Roo, a muscular koala bear named Koala Kong, a suit-wearing potoroo named Pinstripe, two Komodo dragons named Komodo Moe and Komodo Joe, a giant tiger named Tiny, a dingo-crocodile hybrid named Dingodile, and a cyborg with a rocket in his head named Dr. N. Gin - Cortex's closest confidant and second-in-command. This collection of misfits were none other than Cortex's faithful minions.
"I got two three spades, how about you blokes?" Pinstripe asked the others, glancing at his cards. When it came to playing cards, Pinstripe was the top dawg.
"I've got nothing but diamonds in my hand," replied N. Gin, who found himself wondering if he was even playing this card game right.
"Tiny has no cards at all," stated Tiny, who was the only player empty-handed. Everyone gave the tiger an inquisitive stare. "What's the big deal?"
"The big deal is that you haven't even drawn a single card to begin with during this entire game..." replied Komodo Joe; Tiny must've skipped all his turns, without even knowing he did it. "How do you even expect to win if you don't...HEY LOOK WHO IT IS!"
Komodo Joe's response of exclamation brought the minions' focus to the very man standing in their presence...Dr. Cortex, with Uka at his side. The minions were more than delighted to see Cortex again, as they all jumped out of their seats and ambushed the poor mad scientist. Shulk, Mega Man, and Champion Link came over, having never seen Cortex this embraced before.
Shulk: To think that Cortex's minions love and respect him...ha. I've always imagined Cortex to be totalitarian towards his minions.
Champion Link:...you honestly believe that Cortex's minions have respect for him?
"Oh Master Cortex, we're so grateful that you've returned!" gleamed N. Gin, perhaps the biggest butt-kisser for Cortex out of the minions. "For months, we've waited for your return, and now we're blessed that..."
"Okay, okay, get off of me everyone, I have to breathe you know!" shouted Cortex, as everyone stopped embracing Cortex as they backed away. Cortex exhaled deeply, able to breathe clearly again. "Might I ask why you were playing cards in the dark?"
"Ripper Roo claimed that playing cards in the dark helps him see better," stated Dingodile, as Roo gave a nod of confirmation. Cortex refused to believe this.
"How do you even know that's true, Roo can't even speak! Not unless you have a translator of some sort, since Roo can only laugh...but we all know I threw that thing in the trash. All thanks to Kong..."
"Hey, how was Tiny supposed to know voice device thing wasn't a toenail clipper?" frowned Tiny; his muscles and frame were very intimidating to Mega Man and company. "Maybe Dr. Cortex should design things better!"
"Dr. Cortex, are these the minions you spoke of before we came here?" Mega Man asked the mad scientist, as the minions brought their attention over to the three guests from the mansion. "I had no idea they were so...eccentric."
"Yes, these are my minions - I created every one of them with my Evolvo Ray!" replied Cortex, taking a great amount of pride in his Evolvo Ray. Perhaps his greatest achievement as an inventor. "Except for N. Gin - he's a friend of mine from my school days. If you ask me, he's very expendable..."
"You're the greatest villain ever, Master Cortex!" grinned N. Gin, proving how much of a kiss-up he was, before his face soured. "...wait, what did you say about me being expendable?"
Cortex would take the next few moments introducing Shulk, Champion Link, and Mega Man to the minions, telling them who's who and whatnot. As Cortex was finishing things up, Shulk heard a notification sound from his phone, and checked to see what it was.
"Welp, it's a text from Isasbelle...apparently Master Hand is worried sick about us," said Shulk, reading the text. Must be a false alarm; Master Hand is hardly worried about anyone. "We should head back soon."
"Dr. Cortex, you're not heading back right away, are you?" N. Gin asked the mad scientist, getting close to him. Too close for comfort. "You're not gonna leave us behind like you always do...right?"
"Well N. Gin, when duty calls...well, duty calls," replied Cortex, not caring if he hurt N. Gin's feelings. He could see the tears forming in the cyborg's eyes. "But considering I keep you minions cooped up in this castle for an eternity...I suppose I could take you all with me to the mansion, for a weekend..."
"Really, you would do that?!" asked an excited N. Gin, happily grabbing Cortex's collar. Cortex kindly grabbed N. Gin's hands, and slowly pushed them away, with a disgusted look on his face.
"...yes, yes I will. But if any of you act up, then I'll have no choice but to return you all back to the castle. No ands, ifs, or buts about it. Do we have a deal?"
Cortex: Am I playing with fire, taking my minions to the mansion for a weekend? Will I damage my reputation at the mansion, based upon how my minions behave? The answers to both questions is yes, but I'm willing to take risks. And life is all about taking risks...
Uka: *snorts* YOU having a reputation at the mansion? What else do you have, a love life? *laughs* You're as pathetic as they come, Cortex!
Cortex: Why is it that I've been stuck with you all this time, and you can't come up with better material? It's the same old, same old...your jokes about me are getting old!
Uka: *leans in close to Cortex* I can burn you to a crisp, if you like...
Cortex:...um, no, that won't be necessary! Just, uh, keep up the good work!
Once Cortex and company was done at the castle, Mega Man brought them back to the mansion, along with Cortex's minions. Everyone was standing on the teleportation pad, with the minions in awe of...well, maybe they're just easily impressed.
"Alright now, remember that this stay is only temporary - I'll have to take you back to the castle before Sunday night," Cortex informed his minions. "I understand that we just arrived, but whatever you do, do not..." The minions ran off the pad, and out of the teleportation room. "...run away and act like banshees. Looks like I'm screwed already..."
"Don't worry Cortex, your minions couldn't have possibly gotten that far," replied Champion Link, seemingly underestimating what the minions were capable of doing. "I bet they're just wandering through the mansion, observing the sights and...why do I hear screaming?"
Champion Link and company stepped off the pad, and exited the room to see what all the screaming was about. It wasn't until he was in the hallway that Cortex's fears were realized...the minions were already stirring up trouble. Or rather, one minion was stirring up trouble...N. Gin, who was attempting to flirt with Rosalina. He was holding Rosalina's hand, and was stroking it lovingly.
"Tell me pretty lady...how much did it hurt when you fell from heaven?" the cyborg creepily asked the mother of Lumas, who was concerned for her life and well-being. Not even Luma could save Rosalina from this treatment.
"Um...can someone please help me?" asked a nervous Rosalina; thankfully for her, help was on the way, when Cortex and company showed up to reprimand N. Gin for his creepy ways. "Cortex, do you know this creep?"
"Of course I know that creep...that's N. Gin, my cyborg confidant and personal lapdog slash packmule!" replied Cortex, as N. Gin stopped stroking Rosalina's hand. He looked at Cortex, his begging eyes pleading for mercy. "N. Gin, let go of her!"
"But Master Cortex, this woman, she's so...so...pretty!" cried N. Gin, stressing his desire to be with Rosalina. Just wait until he encounters Ganondorf; the demon lord would Warlock Punch the cyborg into oblivion. "I must be with her!"
"Are you hard of hearing? I said let go of her! This is why I never take you out in public, always acting inappropriately with women...it's a miracle you haven't been sued yet for sexual harassment. Now do as I say!" N. Gin whimpered as he let go of Rosalina's hand, before walking away. "I'm so terribly sorry for that, Rosalina...N. Gin is one of my minions. My minions sure know how to act unruly!"
"By minions, are you referring to the giant koala bear that just ran down the hallway streaking?" asked Rosalina, as Cortex's face sank in fear. "He just ran down that end of the hallway naked, and he left his clothes too." Cortex turned around and saw Kong's clothes lying on the floor, as he facepalmed in anger. He was bound to have a very long day...
Impa: Never really could enjoy Corrin and Kamui's birthday party, which Master Hand forced me to attend because of "maximum participation". If you ask me, it was just a lousy distraction to deter us from focusing on Calamity Ganon. Master Hand might've also used the party as a venue to impress his newest victims...erm, mansion residents. Given that Mario schooled Ganondorf when it came to Calamity Ganon, I can only hope that he's being more serious about the matter...
If being more serious about Calamity Ganon meant receiving a back massage, courtesy of Wii Fit Trainer, then Impa was certainly right on the money. Mario was in his living room, lying down stomach-first on a mat, with Wii Fit massaging his back. Impa looked on with arms folded, severely worried about Mario's priorities in life.
"Once I'm through with the back, do you mind if I start massaging the shoulders?" Wii Fit asked Mario, who was in an extreme state of comfort. He didn't feel like leaving the mat; the mat was his bed now.
"Sure-a you can, though I would-a prefer if you massage-a my butt instead," replied Mario, before letting out a deep sight of relief. "But take as much-a time as you need...man this feels-a so good..."
"I don't think Mario can afford another massage; he has grown too comfy over the course of the week," stated Impa, as Cappy entered the living room holding a glass of lemonade, that came with a straw. He offered the lemonade to Mario, who drank from the straw, much to Impa's chagrin. "He should spend more time focusing on..."
"...Calamity Ganon - did I get it right?" Wii Fit would finish for Impa, who furrowed her brow at the fitness trainer. "My goodness Impa, you are always so serious...you need to loosen up a little! How about we do some exercises outside, to keep your mind off of things?"
"That won't be necessary Miss Wii Fit, I've fit enough as it is. No exercise necessary. But what is necessary is that Mario gets his head screwed on right, and focus on what's important - stopping Calamity Ganon."
"Maybe this is just food for thought, but your constant worrying about Calamity Ganon is making Mario less inclined to do anything about it. Seriously, Lana is just as concerned about Calamity Ganon as you are, and I don't see her constantly reminding Mario about the future!"
"Did someone call my name?" asked Lana, showing up in the living room with a hair curler clamped on her index finger. She saw Wii Fit giving Mario a back massage, and was envious. "Ooh, a free back massage! Can I get one too, pretty please?!"
"Now you look here, I'm just trying to keep Mario as engaged as possible, so he'll more than prepared for whenever Calamity Ganon strikes - today, tomorrow, next week, or whatever. So I'm not 'worrying', Miss Wii Fit, what I'm really doing is..."
"MAMA MIA NOT-A MY PUMPKINS, I JUST PLANTED-A THE SEEDS!"
This voice of exclamation from outside came from none other than Luigi, who was likely dealing with a pumpkin caper - or maybe just someone messing around in his front yard. Impa headed outside to investigate, and she saw one of Cortex's minions, Ripper Roo, jumping around in Luigi's front yard and damaging everything in sight while laughing like a madman.
"Get off-a my lawn this instant!" Luigi angrily shouted at Roo, chasing him around while armed with a rake. The plumber wasn't used to dealing with garden pests, so he eventually grew tired and weary over time.
"Well this is quite something you don't see everyday..." remarked Impa, before Roo stopped in place when he saw the Sheikah standing at Mario's door. The kangaroo laughed, before hopping away like a maniac. Although Roo was gone, the damage was done...Luigi's yard was a complete mess.
"Thanks to that stupid-a kangaroo, my lawn is now-a ruined...all my gardening work, gone-a to waste!" wailed Luigi, as he dropped his rake and fell to his knees in utter defeat. Impa looked on, sympathizing for Luigi, before looking towards Luigi's house and seeing Yuffie standing at the doorway, recording Luigi on his phone with Sheik, Greninja, and Asuka behind her.
"Nice work Luigi, keep it up with the melodrama!" Yuffie called out to the plumber, biting her lip to stifle her laughter. Impa frowned as she walked over to the ninja crew; the ninjas saw the Sheikah, as Yuffie quickly stopped recording.
"For the record, I have nothing to do with this, I was...just here for support," stated Sheik, as she quickly ran back inside the house. Didn't want Impa to think less of her as a person.
Yuffie: Do I regret recording Luigi, during his time of distress? *snorts* Ha, as if! It's an unwritten rule that whenever you're recording someone, no matter the device, any sense of empathy is thrown out of the window. Luigi's pain will serve as entertainment for another. That's just how the dice rolls, sometimes.
"Do you have any sense of remorse for what you're doing?" Impa scolded the ninjas, who cowered in fear as Impa snatched away the cellphone. The Sheikah wasn't the kind of person you would want to see mad. "Luigi is acting depressed, and you believe documenting his current toils is entertainment for you?"
"It's not for our entertainment...it's for the entertainment of anyone who has Internet access," Asuka stated as-a-matter-of-factly. "Oh and by the way, that's not my phone..." Just then, Daisy popped up, bustling her way through the ninjas.
"Has anyone seen my cellphone anywhere?" the princess asked, before gasping when she saw Impa holding the cellphone. "Impa, what on earth are you doing with my cellphone? Trying to call your Sheikah friends, I assume?" Daisy quickly snatched her phone away from Impa. "Should've asked first..."
"I would call my Sheikah clan, but frankly they're not that advanced in technology...yet," replied Impa, as Daisy looked at the front yard. She saw her lawn in disarray, and her husband Luigi in a state of despair.
"I didn't even deserve-a this...why me?" questioned Luigi, desiring to cry his eyes out but wondering if that would be necessary. Daisy stepped away from Impa and the ninja crew as she made her way over to Luigi. "Daisy, some crazy kangaroo in a strait-a jacket hopped over the lawn and destroyed-a our vegetables...I might've seen-a him before, but I can't recall-a his name. He essentially ruined our hard-a work!"
"There, there..no need to be so down in the dumps. We still have enough seeds to regrow everything! Whenever that kangaroo shows up again, we'll just call animal control and have them take him away. Sounds fine with you?"
"That would-a be ideal. I'll just wait-a outside and wait for that-a kangaroo to show up. If it'll even show-a up again..."
It didn't seem like Ripper Roo would return to Luigi's place for a second round, for the kangaroo was back at the mansion still causing ruckus. This time, he was bouncing around in Toon Link's bouncy house, and caused the whole thing to deflate because of his aggressive jumping. Now, the kangaroo found himself in a bit of a showdown with Kumatora, with Lucas and Ness nearby hugging one another in fear.
"Ness, Lucas, will you please stop acting like cowards and help me deal with this...kangaroo thing?" Kumatora asked the two teenagers, getting her PSI powers ready. "I know the laughing is a little scary, but still..."
"Whoever said I'm acting like a coward?" questioned Ness, who didn't look at all afraid. "It's Lucas who's acting like a coward...he hugged me, and so I hugged him in return. You know, for comfort."
"Likely story Ness, likely story...Lucas can do well enough alone. So how about you stop hugging him and start..."
Before Kumatora could even finish, an arrow was fired at Ripper Roo, nailing him in the backside. The kangaroo let out one final laugh - a laugh of pain - as he fell unto the ground. Kumatora, staring in confusion, looked up and saw Dark Pit, walking towards her with his bow.
"You should be thanking me, Kumatora...I did the hard work for you," Dark Pit said to the PSI girl with a cocky smirk, as Lucas and Ness released from their hug. "I expect to be paid accordingly later, as a token of your thanks."
Dark Pit: *holding up Ripper Roo by his ears* This kangaroo has been hopping all over the place...knocking down picture frames, bouncing off of walls, and even broke Flora's broom. If that broom belonged to someone like Peach, I wouldn't even bat an eye. But if you think you can upset Flora and get away with it...heh, then you're dead wrong.
Roo: *laughs hysterically*
Dark Pit: You're not helping your case, bud..
"Only thing you'll be getting from me is nothing but a speck of dust...like I would ever repay you," scoffed Kumatora, as Dark Pit walked over to Roo and grabbed him by the ears. "I could have tranquilized the kangaroo myself...somehow."
"I didn't tranquilize the kangaroo, mind you...my arrows are just that effective," replied Dark Pit, taking his arrow out of Ripper Roo's butt. Roo's eyes widened in pain."If you were an expert archer like me, you'd know..."
"Dark Pit is an expert archer?" Lucas asked Ness, who shrugged as Dark Pit headed back inside the mansion with Ripper Roo. "I always thought he was intermediate!"
While it was safe to say that Ripper Roo was more than insane in the membrane, not all of Cortex's minions were crazy loons. Take for instance, Dingodile - not only was he the smartest minion, but he was the most level-headed as well. Just whenever he wasn't using his flamethrower. Thankfully, Cortex told the mutant to leave his trusty flamethrower behind at the castle.
Wanting to spend time away from the other minions, Dingodile found solace in the gaming room, the usual hangout spot of the mansion. He was chilling on a sofa, minding his own business and not giving a care about the world. Every now and then, someone would ask Dingodile who he was, and Dingodile would give a brief introduction about himself and mention that he's a minion of Cortex. Every time, that someone would feel sorry for Dingodile. Dingodile understood that sympathy too well.
"I think we should reach out to that dingo guy, he looks pretty chill," Link whispered to Cloud, as the two swordsmen were spying on Dingodile from afar. Well, it wasn't really actual spying, per se - they were just checking the mutant out. "W at do you say?"
"He does seem approachable, I'll give him that..." replied Cloud, stroking his chin. So how approachable someone is was a key factor for Cloud, when it came to befriending someone? Cloud was an introvert, so you can't fault him for his ways. "...but he also looks like he has a mean streak. Kinda looks a menacing dude."
"We've dealt with bigger menaces in the past and got away with it, right?" Cloud did not respond. "Right, Cloud?" Cloud still did not respond, as he slowly turned to face Link with a blank stare. "Okay, so I might've dealt with badder dudes than you have, but..."
"I get into actual street fights, what about yourself Link?" Link couldn't say a single thing after that. "Yeah, that's what I thought. How about you approach the dingo guy, and I'll be the backup?"
"So you don't even want to introduce yourself? Okay then, suit yourself...I'll do the introductions for you. Lemme show you how it's done!" So Link put on his best pimp walk, as he strutted his stuff towards Dingodile. You could feel the embarrassment radiating inside of Cloud, as he followed his best friend.
"But yeah, other than the strangely sized windows in the hallways, this mansion looks pretty swell, mate," Dingodile said to Wendy, who asked the mutant what he thought of the mansion, before turning around to see Link. The Hylian was looking cool...or in his case, trying to be cool. "Yes, how may I help you?" Dingodile asked Link.
"Nice to meet ya, name's Link," Link introduced himself to Dingodile, as he shook his hand. "This awesome dude behind me is my best friend, Cloud Strife. You might now him as the cool guy with a sword, and you might know me as the even cooler guy with a sword! That's just facts..."
"To be honest I'm not Link's friend, I'm just an acquaintance of his," stated Cloud, readying himself to back himself out in the event Link embarrassed him more. "I'm just here to make Link look remotely decent..."
"I'm Dingodile, one of Cortex's minions," Dingodile introduced himself to Link and Cloud, having some doubts if they were really Link and Cloud. "Feel free to sympathize for me as much as you can. Gonna need all the sympathy I can get..."
Cloud: Not that I care about being "cool", but just so we're clear, Link is beneath my level. Only a little.
"These guys are the real deal?" Dingodile whispered to Wendy as he pointed at Link and Cloud, with a skeptical look on his face. Cloud couldn't care less about how skeptical Dingodile was, while Link on the other hand was triggered in every sense of the word.
"They're here at the Smash Mansion for a reason..." replied Wendy, before Dingodile brought his attention back to Link and Cloud, still feeling skeptical. He needed some proof to confirm that Link and Cloud were really Link and Cloud, and not some cosplaying friends that found their way inside the mansion.
"Well if you mates really are Link and Cloud, then I'm gonna need some evidence to prove who you are," replied Dingodile, as he held out his hands. "Let me see your swords! C'mon, don't be shy..." Should Dingodile be trusted with the swords? That was what Cloud was thinking right now.
"Are we sure we should trust this guy, Link?" the swordsman cautiously asked the Hylian, who was more than willing to take out his Master Sword. Whatever it took to prove that he was the authentic hero of Hyrule.
"If he wants proof, then we're gonna have to give it to him," replied Link, inspecting his sword carefully before he could hand it to Dingodile. "Here you are Dingodile, one Master Sword, wielded by the..."
"Score!" exclaimed Dingodile, snatching away the Master Sword offered to him and running out of the gaming room like Speedy Gonzalez. "Much appreciated for the sword, mate - it'll make for a fine back scratcher!"
"...hero of Hyrule himself," Link finished his sentence, in disbelief that Dingodile had the audacity to steal his sword. Anger was building up inside the Hylian, as he let out an angry scream that alerted everyone in the gaming room. "Why didn't you stop Dingodile from stealing my sword?!" Link unleashed his fury upon Wendy.
"Oh, so you wanted me to be some kind of psychic, and accurately predict the moment he stole your stupid sword?" retorted Wendy, giving Link a mean look with her hands on her hips. "You should have known he was gonna take your sword..."
"Honestly, I saw it coming from a mile away," Cloud gave his two cents, as Link got angry at the swordsman for not stopping Dingodile. Although the Hylian shouldn't have trusted Dingodile in the first place. "Once a minion of Cortex, always a minion of Cortex..."
"It's okay Link, you can always wield another sword!" Lloyd offered words of encouragement to Link, before offering his sword to the Hylian. "Here, you can have my sword if you like - I'll just fight with my fists instead. Real men use their fists to fight."
"I don't want your crappy sword, I just want my Master Sword back, safe and sound!" Link slapped away Lloyd's sword, as the blade landed on the floor. "Who knows what Dingodile might do to my sword...he might be using it to practice sword-swallowing or something."
Link: My Master Sword was already tainted when Fox used it for his sword-swallowing act; someone like Dingodile doing the same thing would make the legendary blade tainted forever. Not only that, but Dingodile might just kill himself.
"Stop being so worried Link - just because Dingodile has your Master Sword doesn't mean it's the end of the world," Cloud said to his best friend, resting a reassuring hand on his shoulder. "You made a plea that you wouldn't freak out if you didn't have your sword, right? You should start following that plea."
"Yeah, you're right, but...I just wish that my Master Sword wasn't in the wrong hands," said Link, before letting out a sigh. Nothing could possibly worse than Dingodile wielding the Master Sword...or any other minion of Cortex's, for that matter.
Wario had a strong reputation of being stingy and frugal with his money. The fatso would always avoid the vending machines, only stopping by if there was an occasional snack at the bottom of the machine. He was too reluctant to buy Christmas gifts, often resorting to shoplifting in most cases. The only time Wario was comfortable with paying for anything was paying for his motorcycle, which he claimed it "didn't cost much".
In addition to the aforementioned things, Wario wasn't that keen on offering his money to others, even if it was to pay for a hospital bill or a social security check. But in a rare moment of kindness, Wario was willing to offer his money, to someone he deemed worthy...Pinstripe Potoroo.
"Usually I despise giving away my money, so you should consider yourself lucky," Wario spoke with Pinstripe, during a secret meeting near the basement, as he looked through his wallet. Pinstripe was holding his Tommy gun; he was hardly seen without it. "I never even give my money to my parents!"
"I had no idea you had parents to begin with," remarked Pinstripe, astonished by Wario's revelation. "Thought the same thing about Mario and Luigi, and Princess Peach as well."
"Well we all came into this world somehow...though I'm not particularly that proud of my roots. Which is why I never discuss where I come from." Wario pulled out three hundred-dollar bills from his wallet, as Pinstripe's eyes grew wide.
"Is that a cool three-hundred dollars I spy?" The allure of the money was almost enough to make Pinstripe salivate. "Such an upgrade from the eleven dollars Cortex pays me in allowance...just for 'being there', I might add. Very paltry."
"Yeah, I'll say...I'd want to be paid fifty times that amount to be working for Cortex. He must be a terrible boss." Wario gave the $300 to Pinstripe, before shaking his hand after the deal was done. "Hope you enjoy your cash, Pinstripe - better spend it wisely!"
"Spend it wisely I shall...who knows, I might even use that cash to buy a gift for your lady friend you spoke of earlier. What was her name again...Lady Palutena?" Palutena...Wario's heart fluttered every time he heard that name.
"Yup, that's the one, that's my girl! Had a crush on her for the longest now. I would ask her out, but she's a goddess and I'm just some lousy human, so things would never work out." Just then, the basement door creaked open...
...as Yoshi stepped out of the basement carrying Birdo over his shoulder - giving away the idea that Birdo might've died. Wario and Pinstripe looked at the green dinosaur, with very inquisitive glances.
"Birdo's not dead, mind you...she's just finding it very difficult to wake up from her coma," replied Yoshi, as he sheepishly walked away. "We're just gonna spend some quality time outside...no biggie."
Yoshi: Have I found an antidote to wake Birdo up from her coma-induced state? Not yet, but it's still coming. Just have to wait on Cilan to make an awakening potion. *pauses* Do you think Pokemon awakening would work?
"I'm...just...gonna pretend I didn't see that," remarked Pinstripe, as he walked away from the premises. Wario would follow his lead. "Glad I could do business with you, Wario, I really appreciate the..."
Pinstripe wasn't looking where he was going, and so he bumped into Pit, dropping his gun to the floor. Pit saw the gun before Pinstripe did, and snatched it away from the potoroo's grasp.
"Ooh, nice gun you got there man!" exclaimed Pit, checking out the entire Tommy Gun. Pinstripe watched with a disturbed look as Pit licked the gun, sniffed the gun, and even stuffed the gun down his pants. Thankfully, the stuffing-the-gun-down-your-pants thing didn't work. "How about we make an exchange?"
"What kind of 'exchange' are we talking about here?" asked Pinstripe as he raised an eyebrow; no way was he willing to give up his Tommy gun, unless he was trading it out for a deadly railgun. "That Tommy gun ain't for free, you know..."
"I know, I know...how about this? Your Tommy gun...for my bow and arrows?" Pit took out his bow, for Pinstripe to see. "How about it?" Pinstripe looked at Pit all funny, before breaking into a laughing fit.
"What would a gangster like me do with your stupid bow? Tell me kid, when have you ever seen a gangster walk down a dark alley, in the middle of the night, ready to rob someone with some stupid arrows from a stupid bow? That would look extremely uncanny, don't you think?"
"Hold up, you're a gangster?" Pinstripe could not believe that Pit was this dumb. Little did he know that Pit was only scratching on the surface. "At first glance, I had assumed you were an evangelist. But the corrupt kind."
"An evangelist armed with a Tommy gun, let's get real kid..." That sounded as preposterous as a gangster with a bow and arrow. "I'm not gonna ask you twice, gimme back my Tommy gun! Hand it over?"
"Aw, so the deal's off? I really wanted your Tommy gun...but if you want it so badly, then you're gonna have to..."
Pinstripe, not wanting to deal with any more of Pit's shenanigans, placed his hands on the Tommy gun, initiating a tug-of-war battle between him and Pit over the gun. The two combatants pulled on the Tommy gun towards them, with the nozzle facing Pit and the trigger on Pinstripe's side...
...and by some accidental stroke, Pinstripe pulled the trigger, firing a bullet at Pit and nailing him in the stomach as he collapsed in pain. Pit screamed in pain as he clutched the gunshot wound, as blood seeped out through his fingers.
"Kid are you okay, are you alright?" Pinstripe asked Pit out of concern, as Pit was still screaming in pain. With an awesome question like that, Pinstripe should be Coyote Peterson's new cameraman.
Pinstripe: That Tommy gun incident was totally an accident, on my part - didn't mean to pull the trigger on Pit. But given how annoying he was, I could've pulled that trigger on purpose...
"Wait a minute, how come I'm not dead yet?" wondered Pit, as he saw his blood leaking out onto the floor. That's when he realized... "Oh, of course, I'm an angel, I can never die! Hooray, immortality!" Pit raised his fist in the air, and in doing so, evoked more pain in his body. "Gah, it stings!"
"Pit was that you just now, what happened?" asked a concerned Viridi, the goddess of nature quickly running down the steps. Once she saw Pit bleeding on the floor, the goddess gasped as she ran down the steps even faster to console her man. She knelt down at Pit's side, investigated the shot wound, and placed her hand over said wound to stop the bleeding. "Someone get Leia, quickly!"
"Leia, as in like, Princess Leia?" Pinstripe raised an eyebrow, obviously not that familiar with Leia. Just then, Volnutt entered the scene, having heard Viridi's cry for help, and saw the goddess doing her best to stop Pit's blood flow.
"Hold on, Viridi, I'm coming!" the robot said to the goddess, as he took over for her; he placed his hand on Pit's gunshot wound, as Pit found himself fainting. His face was turning white...if it wasn't white already. "You go get Leia, while I keep a close eye on Pit."
"Will do!" Viridi got up and ran to the fitness center, as Volnutt focused on Pit. He turned around and saw Pinstripe, holding his Tommy gun with the nozzle covered in crimson red blood; Pinstripe tossed his Tommy gun unto the floor like it was nothing as hie whistled innocently, though Volnutt had his glaring eyes on him.
"Couldn't resist shooting someone, could ya?" Volnutt asked Pinstripe, shaking his head in disdain. Upon seeing Cortex's minions, he knew deep down none of them could be trusted. "Better hope Master Hand doesn't found out..."
"Yeah, whatever, it was the kid's fault that he got shot," grumbled Pinstripe, as he picked up his Tommy gun off the floor, cleaning off the blood. "Poor guy couldn't resist seeing a weapon far more superior than his..."
With N. Gin flirting with women out of his league, Ripper Roo ruining people's gardens, Dingodile stealing legendary swords, and Pinstripe "accidentally" shooting people, one would have to think that the Komodo Bros, Joe and Moe, were up to no good as well. Actually, the two brothers weren't being nuisances, or starting up trouble - they were in the Star Records room, hanging out with Sonic and Knuckles and eating chili dogs.
"Would you mind passing the mustard, sir?" Komodo Joe asked Sonic, eating a chili dog, as Sonic kindly passed the mustard to the Komodo dragon. Joe took the mustard, squeezed it all over his chili dog, and scarfed it down in one bite. "Man, this is some delicious grub!"
"Glad you're enjoying it, man - chili dogs are my specialty," smiled Sonic, taking a bite from his own chili dog. "Though I've never seen someone enjoy chili dogs as much as you two are. You must've been starving to death at Cortex's castle, huh?"
"If, by starving to death, you mean 'eating nothing but churros', then you're right on the money," replied Moe, having eaten ten chili dogs already. His large body was big enough to account for his monstrous appetite. "Cortex hardly does any shopping, but when he does...it's the same old crap, over and over again."
Sonic: Dr. Cortex willingly shops? For real? That dude has definitely lost his man card, for sure. I know he wasn't a man before, and that he never was a man to begin with, but this proves it!
As Sonic and company were enjoying their chili dogs, they heard a loud scream from the hallway. It wasn't a scary scream, mind you - it wasn't one that would make you wet your pants or hide in your room for safety. It was a light-hearted scream, if such a scream even existed.
Curious as to what was going on, Sonic and company left the Star Records room, and ventured into the hallway, where they saw Fox and Falco feeding Ridley bananas. Why the pilots were feeding the dragon bananas to begin with was anyone's guess.
"Any particular reason why you're giving bananas to Ridley?" Sonic asked Fox and Falco, as he and his crew approached the pilots. Despite the odd food choice, Ridley was looking quite tranquil - didn't look like he was in the mood to go on a killing spree. "Bananas aren't a part of a dragon's diet, is it?"
"Isabelle told us that feeding Ridley fruit and vegetables is a great way to keep him even keeled, if you know what I mean," stated Fox, peeling a banana and tossing it to Ridley. The dragon caught it with his mouth, flawlessly. "We wanna keep Ridley's temperament low, so he won't kill anyone."
"Whatever you do, don't tell Donkey Kong we stole his bananas," Falco warned Sonic and company, not wishing to deal with DK"s fury. "Just tell him that his bananas got spoiled, and Mr. Game and Watch had to throw them out."
"But didn't Donkey Kong get a batch of new bananas yesterday?" questioned Knuckles, recalling the giant bundle of bananas DK received in the mail. A generous gift from Cranky Kong.
"Like I said, don't tell Donkey Kong a thing...we both wanna live, you know." Suddenly some loud footsteps were heard from the other end of the hallway, as Fox and Falco both got nervous - was Donkey Kong making his way up the stairs? "Bruh, that must be DK! We're so dead..."
"Quick Falco, into the closet!" shouted Fox, as he and Falco jumped into the nearby closet. Sonic and company turned around, waiting in anticipation to see who was making his way up the stairs to the fifth floor...
...and to their surprise, the person making their arrival was not Donkey Kong, but rather King Dedede, who was completely soaked as sweat was running down his face. The fat penguin collapsed unto the floor in exhaustion, as a Waddle Dee came over to comfort him.
"Yes, I did it, I finally did it..." King Dedede said in a victorious manner, raising his fist up high in victory. "I climbed up the stairs, without breaking a sweat...take that world!" His grueling exercise coming to an end, Dedede turned over on his back, looking up at the ceiling. "Hello, shining ceiling light...how do you do?"
"Without breaking a sweat?" chuckled Sonic; Knuckles would chuckle too, but he...well, you already know. "Dude, you're sweatier than a greased pig, you look like you ran a marathon twice! You sure you didn't have your Waddle Dees carry you up the stairs?"
"Absolutely not, because then that would be cheating...and everyone knows cheaters never win." King Dedede wiped away the sweat off his forehead, before turning to his Waddle Dee servant. "Hydrate me, son!" The Waddle Dee did as he was told, as he took out a water bottle and poured the contents into Dedede's mouth. Since Dedede was lying on his back, the penguin found himself choking, as he quickly sat up so he could catch his breath. "Okay, hydration period over..."
King Dedede: All this fat is starting to kill me...can't move around as much as I used to in the past. So it's time for me to shave this weight. One great step for me, one great step for all of mankind...who knows, maybe once I'm done with my exercising, I'll look like an Empoleon! Or, at the very least, an actual penguin...
"If you're trying to lose weight or something...then you have a long road ahead of ya, buddy," Sonic told King Dedede, before he turned around...and saw the Komodo Bros feeding Ridley their chili dogs. "Hey, what are you two doing?!" Sonic scolded the Komodo Bros.
"Nothing, just feeding Ridley some of our chili dogs," stated Joe, who meant to say Sonic's chili dogs. The blue hedgehog was very protective sometimes when it came to his chili dogs. "He can't be eating bananas forever!"
"It's nice that Fox and Falco are feeding Ridley fruit, but sometimes you need some junk food to even things out," added Moe - perfectly balanced, as all things should be. As Ridley ate the chili dogs, his red eyes grew bigger...
...and in the next moment, the dragon snapped, as he opened up his wings and roared mightily. He knocked the Komodo Bros down to the floor aggressively, before snatching Sonic and flying out through the window, leaving behind a giant hole. Sonic could be heard screaming as Ridley took to the skies, flying off to who-knows-where, as Fox and Falco exited the closet.
"Is the coast clear, is Donkey Kong gone?" Fox asked Knuckles, as the Komodo Bros were writhing in pain. The pilot saw the hole left behind by Ridley, and also noticed that Sonic was missing as well. "And where the heck did Ridley fly off to?"
"He...and Sonic...went to go find some more bananas," replied Knuckles, concerned about the status of Sonic. Who knows if the blue blur will ever show up again...
Unfortunately (and also fortunately) for Master Hand, the Team Rocket trio of Jessie, James, and Meowth...and Wobbuffet...did not stop by the mansion to tell the giant hand everything he should know about Calamity Ganon. Perhaps Giovanni caught them trying to escape Team Rocket headquarters, and has them restricted from leaving.
So, to pass the time, Master Hand brought Isabelle and Ema to his room to "encrypt" Bowser's mysterious letter. It was a very strange letter, one where the content caught anyone who read it off-guard - which is why Isabelle and Ema were here to make some sense of what the letter truly meant.
"All I see is nothing but cheesy love-related puns that I would feel embarrassed to read out loud..." remarked Ema, as she read her copy of Bowser's letter. She, Isabelle, and Layton all owned a copy of the letter - who knows how many others had one, too. "...but this whole 'final solution' mentioned at the end has me curious."
"What about this line in the second paragraph, where Bowser states that he spent his entire life 'hunting for treasure, and receiving nothing in return'?" asked Isabelle, most intrigued by this line. "Could this be a secret love letter to Lara?"
"Ha, as if - that woman is old news, as far as I'm concerned," replied Master Hand, still better that Lara never showed up for her going away party before flying back home to Britain. "If Bowser is still chasing her heart, then it's very indicative of his resolve, and how desperate he has become."
"And this other line where he promises 'to make things right, or everyone will suffer'...you might be on to something, Master Hand."
Master Hand: Bowser and failing to find love. Name a more iconic duo. No, wait...you simply can't.
While Isabelle and Ema were trying to make sense of Bowser's letter, Dark Pit entered the room, smirking proudly as he was holding his catch - Ripper Roo, the crazy kangaroo's ears held by the doppelganger. Dark Pit dropped Roo on the floor, with Roo in a pretty calm state...for the moment.
"What is this, Dark Pit - one of Cortex's minions acted up?" Master Hand asked the doppelganger, as Roo looked up at the giant hand. The kangaroo was so calm, he couldn't even laugh.
"I'm afraid so - this man Ripper Roo has been causing nothing but mayhem the entire day," replied Dark Pit, resting his arm on Roo's head. Great way to establish dominance and superiority over the mutant. "Managed to catch him before he started more crap - got away from me at first, but I caught him a second time."
"Mario did tell me that a kangaroo ruined Luigi's garden...he's helping Luigi repair the garden right now." Master Hand looked out the window, like an evil villain in deep thought. "Cortex did inform me that he'd take the minions back if either one of them messed around, and it looks like Roo is the one to blame! Had my money on Koala Kong - thought he would've tossed someone's car or something."
"Hey, Master Hand, do you have a minute?" X asked the giant hand, as he entered the room. In his hands was his tracking device, which he invented in episode 128. "I got this new reading on my tracking device..."
"Ooh, a new reading, whoop-dee-do...I bet you feel really special right now. Come back when you have something of importance to tell me...you know how much I despise having my time wasted."
"Actually, it is something important...I may have picked up a fifth Broodal on my radar." All of a sudden, Master Hand was all ears. "Not sure if they're traveling with the Broodals themselves, but I see a giant red dot moving across the radar."
"Know exactly where this giant red dot is headed? I should send out a crew to guard the mansion, for any possible scenario." X took a look at the radar, seeing how slow the red dot was moving.
"It's at Cedar Park right now, and it's moving at a slow place. But it's drawing closer to the mansion, so the threat should be monitored." Just then, Geno entered the room, looking like he had seen a ghost.
"Master Hand, Master Hand, we have an emergency!" the Star Warrior alerted the giant hand, who wondered what the big fuss was all about. "There might be a fifth Broodal afoot...and she's headed towards the mansion!"
"Yeah, yeah, X told me about it..." replied Master Hand, before asking the following: "...how do you know the Broodal is coming for us? And how do you know it's a female? Have you seen it in person?"
"Saw her through a telescope, on the roof of the mansion. Had Champion Link snap some photos of the Broodal so you can see." Geno took out Champion Link's Sheikah Slate, selected an image and held it up for Master Hand to see. "Just so you know, she's pretty big..."
"Please, she can't be that big...I'm sure X was just exaggerating...GREAT BALLS OF MASAHIRO SAKURAI, LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THAT THING!"
Master Hand found himself looking at the image of the Broodal in shock; Dark Pit, X, Ema, and Isabelle looked at the image, and found themselves in a similar state. The Broodal was indeed big, almost bigger than a T-Rex, and she was dressed in red, with makeup on her face. With her was a giant golden Chain Chomp, strangely wearing a pink hat. This giant rabbit wasn't a Broodal, but rather the boss of the Broodals, and her name was Madame Broode. A bona fide absolute unit.
Dark Pit: All those years I've spent, fat shaming Melissa McCartney before she slimmed down... *shakes his head* ...they have all gone to waste now...
"That can't be the fifth member of the Broodals..." said Ema, in great disbelief that someone could be so big. "She would have to be their leader, or their boss. I'm more worried about that Chain Chomp than her."
"Good thing for us, she's moving very slowly, so it'll take her forever to get to us," stated Geno, before taking a glance at the radar on X's tracking device. The red dot was still moving slow. "That should bid us some time."
"You think this red dot could be the giant Broodal?" asked X, believing that Madame Brood is the red dot on his radar map. "It must be picking up the movement of t he Chain Chomp, somehow. It's only meant to track the movement of vehicles."
"Most people I know like to ride on Chain Chomps, so that could possibly be a good explanation." What people did Geno know? More importantly, who would want to ride of a Chain Chomp? One could fall and break their back.
"Still, we should send a crew to guard the mansion, whenever this Broodal is in our vicinity," stressed Master Hand, and as he scanned the room, his eyes fell upon Ripper Roo, the kangaroo not moving a single muscle ever since he was brought to the room. "And I know just the crew to put together..."
Feeling relaxed and comfy from his back massage, Mario was in Luigi's front lawn, helping his twin brother repair his garden. They had a long, daunting task ahead of them, but they had some helping hands along the way, provided by their wives, Peach and Daisy. Greninja was also there, to water the seeds.
"So sorry for what happened to your garden, Luigi," Zelda sympathized for the plumber, as she stood at the front of the garden watching Luigi and company's progress. "Your garden looked so pretty, too..."
"...and thanks to that dumb-a kangaroo, I have to start-a all over again," frowned Luigi, as he planted some tomato seeds. Once he was done, Greninja came over to water the seeds. "I should invest-a in having a scarecrow, to watch-a over my garden."
"I'd have a Cacturne guard-a your garden, if I were you," suggested Mario; Cacturnes weren't dubbed scarecrow Pokemon for a reason. "Or get an Electrode, and-a paint it like a watermelon! Yeah, I would-a go with the Electrode...just get one that isn't prone to self-a destruct and explode."
Mario: Using a Pokemon from-a the sanctuary isn't easy...you can only use-a one Pokemon at a time, for a week, before returning it to the sanctuary. Master Hand likes to treat-a the Pokemon there like they're book-a rentals from the library...
Luigi and company continued working in the garden, until one of Cortex's minions approached them. It was Kong, and he had his arms behind his back. Zelda saw the giant koala bear standing next to her, intimidated by his size.
"Um, guys, I think we have some company..." the princess alerted Luigi and company, who stopped working in an instant. They saw Kong, and judging by Kong's face, the mutant meant business.
"You must be associated with that blue-a kangaroo that destroyed my garden, aren't you?" Luigi stood up angrily, glaring down Kong as he tightened his fist. "Came-a here to finish his job? I'd rather see-a you...try?"
Luigi trailed off when Kong revealed two bags of gardening soil, which he held behind his back, and tossed them unto the ground. As it turns out, Kong didn't want to destroy Luigi's garden - he just wanted to help repair it. Very unusual behavior from a minion of Cortex.
"Ooh, more gardening soil, just what we needed!" exclaimed Peach, as Greninja grabbed the bags of gardening soil and brought them over. "Thank you very much...what's your name?" Kong was incapable of speaking, so he just sat on Luigi's porch and chilled.
"Must be the strong-a silent type," pondered Mario, as he and the others resumed their gardening duties.
Shulk was finishing off his bag of churros, and he had Dunban and Riki in the living room, joining his efforts. Were Nopons like Riki allowed to eat churros in the first place? Honestly, who cares.
"I know Dr. Cortex said that he really enjoyed churros..." said Dunban, seated on a couch with Shulk as he ate the last churro. "...but I never would've imagined he had a bag stowed of them away at his castle. Hopefully these churros didn't slip past the expiration date."
"They tasted pretty fresh to me," smiled Shulk, rubbing his stomach. The Homs' stomach was so full, that he didn't feel like leaving the couch. "Wish there were churros offered at the birthday party last week."
"Yeah...speaking of the birthday party, don't you find it odd that we celebrated Corrin and Kamui's birthday last week...even though we did the same thing on the second-to-last day of 2016?"
"According to the mansion directory, the birthday of Corrin and Kamui is 'chosen by the player'...whatever that means. Asked Master Hand about it, and he slapped me silly for reading through the directory in the first place. So we'll never know..."
Shulk: The mansion directory has loads of crap in it. It has info for every person that has ever lived in the mansion - contact information, birthday, birthplace, height, weight, pancreas size, you name it! Nobody's name is scratched out...well, unless you're a shady butler from a certain kingdom.
"Tiny has a major brainfreeze, it really hurts!" Tiny moaned in pain, as he entered the living room holding an ice cream cone and rubbing his head. With him was Polar Bear, patting him on the back. "Someone please take Tiny out of his misery, the pain is too unbearable to endure!"
"Don't worry bud, you can just walk it off," Polar Bear said reassuringly to Tiny, as he continued patting the tiger on his back. "That's what I do when my brain starts acting up." Easy for you to say, Polar Bear, since all you ever do is walk around...
"Riki can help you! Riki use staff to cure brain!" exclaimed Riki, as he waved his staff and cast some kind of spell at Tiny. Seconds passed, and Tiny's brainfreeze magically went away.
"Hooray, Tiny is finally cured!" the tiger roared, as he raised his fists in the air. In doing so, he accidentally knocked Polar Bear out cold, breaking his sunglasses as the bear fell unto the floor with a thud. "Tiny is very sorry..." Tiny apologized to the now unconscious Polar Bear.
"Wow, Shulk, Tiny has a better grasp of the English language than your Riki pal," remarked Dark Pit, standing at the living room entrance coolly with his arms folded. "And dare I say it, he might have a better vocabulary too..."
"Well at least Riki is smarter..." retorted Shulk, as Dark Pit walked over to Tiny, who was doing his best to awaken Polar Bear. Dark Pit tapped the tiger on his shoulder, quickly grabbing his attention.
"Can you come with me for a quick sec? It won't be long...or so I think. You can leave the polar bear guy alone, he'll wake up soon."
Over at the fitness center, Pit was having his stomach bandaged by Leia, after the angel was "accidentally" shot by Pinstripe. Leia managed to extract the bullet out of Pit's stomach, which was a very painful experience for the angel.
"I'll keep the bullet in this bag, so Master Hand won't see any evidence," Leia told Pit, placing the bullet in a Ziploc bag with a pair of pliers. "He'll freak out upon learning that someone's been shot."
"Do you think that with this gunshot wound, I'll develop superhero powers?" Pit eagerly asked Leia, who placed the Ziploc bag in a secret drawer. "Will my body have a chemical reaction to the wound, and allow me to grow ammunition throughout my body? I can be called...Ammo Boy!"
"I highly doubt that will work, Pit...not like you've been bit by a radioactive , what kind of name is Ammo Boy? Nobody would take you seriously..."
Pit: So in order for me to have superpowers, I would need to be shot with a radioactive bullet? I should see if there's any radioactive guns for sale online. Preferably Amazon.
"C'mon, let's get you back to your room," Leia said to Pit, helping the angel get off the patient bed. She then escorted Pit to the exit, opening the door. "I bet Viridi's worried sick about you..."
As it turned out, Viridi wasn't that worried - for when Leia and Pit exited the room, they saw Viridi, in the middle of the fitness center, putting Pinstripe in a chokehold. Pinstripe's eyes were bulged out as he was repeatedly tapping out on the floor, with Bass struggling to restrain Viridi.
"Stop it already, he's had enough!" Bass shouted to Viridi, but the goddess of nature refused to let go. "You're gonna kill the guy if you don't stop! Not that I care...but enough is enough!
"This loser could've killed my precious Pit, so I'm just giving him what he deserves!" stated Viridi, tightening her grip around Pinstripe's neck, as Dark Pit showed up in the fitness center. Would be embarrassing for Pinstripe to meet his end, literally at the hands of a little girl.
"Viridi, what are you doing?!" Dark Pit questioned the goddess of nature. He would help out Bass, as he grabbed Viridi and pulled her away. Viridi was bitter that she couldn't get the job done. "Why were you strangling him?!"
"Because he nearly killed Pit, and so I wanted to return the favor," responded Viridi, acting like there was nothing wrong with killing a guest of the mansion. "Shot him in the stomach!"
"Shot him in the stomach, eh? Should've went for the head..." Viridi glared at Dark Pit, as the doppelganger helped Pinstripe off the floor. Pinstripe took the time to catch his breath. "You okay, man?"
"I wouldn't have been, if it weren't for you," replied Pinstripe, grateful to be breathing again. "Thanks for saving me, from being choked by that crazy little girl. That should teach me to never apologize again...apologizing is overrated."
"Yeah, you can say that again...anyways, you have to do me a little solid. Are you down?"
"As long as I get to use my Tommy gun, I'm down for anything!" Pinstripe would follow Dark Pit out of the fitness center, as Viridi kept glaring. She folded her arms and looked away distastefully, as Bass turned to Pit and Leia.
"Your girlfriend is seriously crazy," the robot said to Pit. Bass can be crazy too, but at least he had his standards.
Earlier, Dingodile wanted Link to prove to him that he was actually Link, the hero of Hyrulian legend, and not some bum dressed up in a green tunic. Link had to prove his legitimacy by showing off his Master Sword...and now, Dingodile had Link's proof, holding the Master Sword as he napped soundly on a couch in the lounge. Spying on him were Link, Cloud, and Aerith.
"Dingodile hasn't done anything despicable with my Master Sword, has he?" Link asked Aerith, with Dingodile holding the Master Sword close to his chest. Good thing he had the edge pointed away from his jugular.
"No he hasn't - all he did was parade with the Master Sword like it was his," explained Aerith; hearing how possessive Dingodile was of the Master Sword made Link sick to his stomach. "I led him to the lounge, and sang him a lullaby to make him go to sleep...so retrieving the sword should be a piece of cake."
Cloud: Honestly I don't even know why I bother helping Link get his sword back - I'm sure Hylia can bless the dude with another Master Sword or something. Or, he could be the first hero of legend to not be overly reliant of the Master Sword. That'd be one for the ages.
"Alright, we have Dingodile right where we want him, so we should execute a plan to get the sword without waking him up," Link discussed with Cloud and Aerith. "Here's what I have in mind...Cloud, you're gonna go to the base, of the couch, okay?"
"Um, Link..." Cloud tried to alert Link, but for Link to listen, he would have to finish laying out his plan first.
"Not now Cloud, I'm not done yet...Aerith, you'll go to the front of the couch, and make sure that Dingodile is still asleep. He could wake up when we least expect it."
"Seriously, you should probably turn around..." Link was in no mood for Cloud's nonsense, as he frowned at this friend.
"Are you gonna let me finish or not? So anyways, I will quietly tiptoe to Dingodile, and with my hands prepared, I'l reach for the sword and..."
"Is that Dark Pit leaving with Dingodile?" questioned Aerith, as Link turned around and saw Dark Pit heading down the hallway, dragging a half-awake Dingodile with him. That's what you get, Link, for blabbering too much.
"I'll give you back your sword, I promise!" Dark Pit called out to Link, who gritted his teeth as he threw his hat on the floor and stomped it. Never has Link's hat been so disrespected before.
Up in the fifth floor of the mansion, Mr. Game and Watch was repairing the hole Ridley left behind, when Dark Pit arrived via the elevator. The doppelganger had just rounded up N. Gin, who was in the beauty salon flirting with the women. Dude couldn't help himself.
"Dark Pit! How's my assistant groundskeeper doing?" Mr. Game and Watch asked the doppelganger, who exited from the elevator. Dark Pit found it quite odd that Mr. GW wanted to be buddy-buddy with him.
"Doing alright, just came here looking for Cortex's minions," replied ark Pit, checking out the hole Mr. Game and Watch was patching up. "I've been told that the Komodo Bros, Moe and Joe, are on this floor, is that correct?"
"They're in the Star Records room, eating and whatnot." So Dark Pit entered the Star Records room, and moments later, came out dragging the Komodo Bros out. Both Moe and Joe had a chili dog in their hands.
"How much are you willing to bet this kid has loads of chili dogs, at where he's taking us to?" Moe whispered to Joe, whose mouth was watering at the thought of eating more chili dogs. As if he and Moe hadn't eaten enough...
Daisy: Gotta say, our garden is coming along very well...it'll take a few weeks for everything to grow and bloom. We wouldn't have made further progress if not for the kind koala bear...is he with Cortex? Looks like he works for Cortex...I'm not familiar with Cortex's underlings, to be honest. They're too dumb and ugly for me to care about them. Though there might be some diamonds in the rough...
Luigi and company continued working in the garden, with Zelda and Kong keeping watch. They kept on working, until loud noises were heard, fastly approaching. Mario paused, as he looked around.
"Anyone else-a hear that?" the plumber asked the others, who all stopped working so they could hear. They too heard the loud noises - sounded like a giant monster was coming near. "Now would be a great-a time to send out a Cacturne..."
"Silly Mario, you know scarecrows are only effective during nighttime," smiled Peach, continuing her work like nothing was wrong. "I'm sure whatever it is, it isn't that big of a threat..."
Little did Peach know that she was wrong. Out of the woods came a giant rabbit, wearing red and holding a giant golden Chain Chomp on a leash - just as Geno described. This giant rabbit entered the surrounding area, peering down on Luigi and company with menacing eyes.
"Look who we have here...it's the famous plumber of the Mushroom Kingdom, Mario!" exclaimed the giant rabbit, known as Madame Brood. Mario had on his game face, as he sized up Madame Broode to the best of his ability. "And what's this, his brother Luigi? Two for the price of one!"
"Wh-Who are you?" Peach looked up and asked Madame Broode, shuddering in fear. She didn't knew who scared her the most - Madame Broode herself, or her pet Chain Chomp.
"Glad you asked, Princess Peach...I am Madame Broode, and I'm the boss of the Broodals. I'm in charge of a wedding planning business, in case you may be wondering. Why don't you say hello, to my precious Chain Chomp? Before it EATS YOU!"
"No way Jose - we know-a why you're here!" frowned Luigi, putting his foot down to let Madame Broode know who's boss. "You want to ruin-a my garden, don't you? After all the hard-a work I...I mean, we...have done..."
"Oh, sweetie, I'm not here to ruin your garden...I'm here to wreck that mansion!" Madame Broode pointed at the mansion, knowing that her Chain Chomp would bring the establishment to ruin. "Once my darling Chain Chomp is through destroying that dreadful mansion, there will be..."
"No one, and I mean no one, gets to destroy the mansion before Master Cortex does!"
A rock was suddenly thrown at Madame Broode's head, garnering the rabbit's attention. Madame Broode scowled angry, as she turned to the direction of where the rock was thrown. There, standing at the front of the mansion, was Cortex's minions - willing to defend the mansion at whatever cost.
"What's this, a bunch of simpletons?" scoffed Madame Broode, as the minions took her comments with stride - they've heard far worse from Cortex. "Protecting the precious mansion, aren't you? How about you get out of the way?!"
"Alright boys, fire at will!" commanded N. Gin; he had no nothing to use, so he let the other minions do the work for him. Pinstripe fired rounds from his gun, Ripper Roo hurled boxes of TNT, the Komodo Bros threw their sword, and Dingodile even threw the Master Sword, all at Madame Broode...
...but the giant rabbit was left unaffected, as she advanced towards the minions like she was bulletproof. That body fat of hers must provide her some strong protection - and great insulation as well!
Tiny: Tiny feels worthless being unarmed defending the mansion, so he's waiting inside till it's all over...
"All of that, and not a single scratch..." chuckled Madame Broode, getting closer and closer to the mansion. The minions felt powerless, standing in Madame Broode's presence. "...my Chain Chomp is gonna run that mansion to the ground, just you wait and see!"
"Hey fellas - go after the Chain Chomp!" a voice called out to Cortex's minions - it was Cappy, floating alone by himself, as the minions took sight of the talking hat. "It's the only way you can stop her!"
"But it's just a Chain Chomp, it's not what we're after!" N. Gin called out to Cappy; obviously Cappy knew what he was talking about.
"Trust me - just grab the Chain Chomp, and send it flying into that Madame Broode's hideous face! She'll be out cold in an instant...might take you three tries, but one should be enough."
"UGH! The sheer audacity of you to criticize my stunning looks..." scoffed Madame Broode; believe what you wanna believe, woman. "By no means will I allow anyone to touch my Chain Chomp!" Madame Broode pulled on the leash, to bring her Chain Chomp over, but nothing happened. "Huh, what's this?"
Madame Turned around, and was shocked to see her golden Chain Chomp, being held by Kong. Kong mustered all the strength in his body, as he pulled on the Chain Chomp, before sending it flying into Madame's Broode face - just as Cappy instructed. The golden Chain Chomp broke, revealing Madame Broode's now red face, as the Broodals boss found herself teetering before falling face-first on the ground...
...you know what, Madame Broode was too big to fall on her face, so she just fell on her stomach. Thankfully she didn't fall on the mansion - that would've been disastrous. Kong joined the minions of Cortex, celebrating their victory; Tiny came outside just to join the festivities, even though he did nothing but stay inside.
"Ah, so he does work for Cortex!" said Daisy, watching Kong celebrating with his fellow minions, having to look past Madame Broode's gigantic backside.
"Great effort, everyone...Kong may have done the deed for us, but we'll just take his credit," N. Gin told the minions, with Kong having zero power to object to what N. Gin said. "Now, how do we dispose of the giant rabbit creature?"
N. Gin's answer came in the form of a purple dragon, flying towards the mansion and landing near Madame Broode while carrying some chili dogs. It was Ridley, and riding on top of him was Sonic, also carrying chili dogs.
"Sup my dudes, what did I miss?" the hedgehog asked the minions, before his eyes fell upon Madame Broode. "Woah, that is one fat Broodal! What, did she run out of breath trying to walk over here? Sheesh..."
"Sonic, where have-a you been, flying around on-a Ridley's back?" Mario questioned the hedgehog, needing some answers right away as Ridley ate his chili dogs. Threw them into his mouth one-by-one, like it was nothing.
"Ridley and I went around King county, and raided every single hot dog joint we saw of their chili dogs. No biggie." Sure it was no biggie...unless you wanted a dozen of lawsuits added to your name.
Sonic: As I learned today, Ridley loves chili dogs. *takes a bite from chili dog* Almost as much as he loves bananas. *takes another bite from chili dog* So he loves healthy food AND junk food, at the same time. *finishes off chili dog* Perfectly balanced, as all things should be.
Just when Sonic was about to head inside the mansion, he saw Cortex exit, standing on the porch. He saw the minions, and the minions saw him.
"Don't even think that I didn't know about the despicable things you've done today!" Cortex yelled at his minions, who all lowered their heads. "Ripper Roo, ruining gardens; Pinstripe, shooting innocent kids; the Komodo Bros, feeding flying dragons junk food; and Kong...hold on, who's this giant rabbit?"
"It's a giant rabbit we took out ourselves!" exclaimed N. Gin, as Cortex hopped off the porch to take a look for himself. He walked around Madame Broode, taking hold of how huge she was (and how hideous she looked). "Aren't you proud of us, Master Cortex?"
"You took out this rabbit yourselves, without needing me to finish the job myself?! I must say, I am very impressed! Here I was, ready to send you back to the castle for your behavior...but this, this completely erases everything. You're all off the hook! For now..."
"So, how are we gonna get rid of this rabbit?" Pinstripe asked the others, as Tiny and Kong found it difficult to lift up Madame Broode. Sonic turned to the chili dog-eating Ridley, stroking his chin.
"We do have Ridley..." said Sonic, believing Ridley could fly Madame Broode through the sky with ease. "...somebody get me some rope!"
Link and a bandaged Pit stood on the fifth floor of the mansion, looking through the newly repaired window as Ridley (with Sonic riding on top) was seen flying away, carrying Madame Broode to parts unknown. Unimaginable that the dragon was capable of carrying such an obese, ugly rabbit without struggling.
"Man, that is one giant rabbit...bet she would eat me alive!" remarked Pit, who was currently suffering from peritonitis. His abdomen was starting to kill him. "Or kiss me to no end. Either option is downright sick."
"Looks like she was knocked out cold - you know I'd take her on with my Master Sword," Link said confidently, before letting out a sigh. "If I even had my stinking sword, to begin with..." Someone tapped Link on the shoulder; the Hylian turned around, and saw Dingodile.
"G'day, mate - sorry for stealing your sword earlier," the mutant apologized to Link, handing him the Master Sword. Link giddily accepted the sword, like it was a newborn child. "I've brought it back, safe and sound."
"As long as you didn't break my sword, you're cool with me. Just don't steal my sword again, promise? Have to guard that thing like it's my life. Such is the duty of a hero of legend."
"I fully understand mate, one hundred percent. Since I can't steal your sword...I'll steal your hat instead!" Dingodile took Link's hat and ran away, hopping into the nearest elevator.
"Hey you, get back here!" frowned Link as he ran down the stairs, since the elevator door closed. Pit witnessed the chase begin, as he laughed to himself.
"Thieves...they never win," the angel chuckled, having to stop because of his abdomen. Suddenly the closet door shook, and a slew of bananas - the bananas Fox and Falco stole - slid out. Pit watched as the bananas reached his feet, just when Donkey Kong arrived on the fifth floor...
"Has anyone seen my bananas?" the gorilla wondered as he reached the top of the staircase, before looking down the hallway and saw his bananas...and Pit. "YOU! You were the one who stole my bananas, weren't you?"
"No, DK, it wasn't me, the bananas...just came outta nowhere..." Donkey Kong did not care, for he advanced towards Pit with an angry scowl. "...please don't hurt me, I have parrot of night...ness. Think that's what it's called. Don't hurt me, please!"
Master Hand: The boss of the Broodals has been knocked out cold, and that should send an effective message to those dumb rabbits. Maybe they won't show up ever again, after those minions gave Madame Broode the business. Or maybe they have a secret plan up their sleeves...
Samus was in the foyer, carrying Pikachu Libre in her arms, when the doorbell rang. The bounty hunter answered the front door, and saw Crash, Coco, and Aku; strangely enough, they were wearing Chuck E. Cheese's apparel.
"Do I...even need to ask?" asked a confused Samus, as Crash was eating a slice of pizza. Also had a drink in his hand.
"Crash wanted to go to Chuck E. Cheese's today, after seeing an advertisement on television, and Aku obliged," explained Coco, who was wearing a Chuck E. Cheese's cap. "It was fun while it lasted...parents were fighting among themselves, so we had to leave. Anything exciting happen while we were away?"
"Cortex brought his stupid minions over from his castle, to spend an entire weekend, but other than that..." The faces of the Crash clan sank in an instant, hearing Cortex's minions being mentioned.
"We have to spend an entire weekend with Cortex's minions?" fretted Aku, before turning to Coco. "Do you think it's worth it to head back to Chuck E. Cheese's?"
"I doubt they'll let us stay for an entire weekend, Aku..." replied Coco, as Crash finished eating his slice of pizza.
Away from the mansion, on a hilltop, the Broodals - Topper, Hariet, Spewart, and Rango - watched as Ridley took their boss, Madame Broode, away. As they watched, Topper pulled out a cellphone, and dialed a number.
"What's good, Mr. G..." Topper said into the phone, once his call was answered. "...is Calamity Ganon ready to go?...Not yet? Well, we'll be waitin'..."
Was Calamity Ganon coming soon? Now would be a good time for Mario to get serious.