Author's Note:
Only less than a hundred days left until Ultimate is released...can't come soon enough. Good thing the reviews are always coming in soon...
"Will other Donkey Kong characters like Klubba and K. Lumsy show up? Is Funky Kong using his current attire or his Donkey Kong 64 one? Will other Tekken characters like Nina and Anna Williams become Smash Mansion residents? (As a way of ending their feud) have you included a scene of the Kongs reacting to the Donkey Kong Country cartoon yet? And finally, if Jin from Xenoblade 2 does show up will you use his Japanese name (Shin) to avoid confusion with Jin Kazama?"
A few Kremlings will show up here and there. Funky Kong is using his current attire. Don't know if any Tekken characters will become residents. Haven't done the Donkey Kong Coutnry cartoon scene yet, but I've been preparing myself by watching clips of the show...regrettably. Though that "I'm Nobody's Hero" song ain't bad; a song of that quality doesn't even deserve to be in that show. And Jin from XC2 will use his Japanese name, to avoid any confusion. Here's what the other anonymous guest reviewer had to say:
"have bowser save the mansion from beast ganon then bring him back to mansion. Also, have Team Rocket quit their jobs because giovanni is a terrible boss. please?"
Bowser will be brought back to the mansion, but it won't have anything to do with him defeating Dark Beast Ganon. It'll be an entirely different way. Also, the Team Rocket trio (and Wobbuffet) quitting their jobs? That would be a very interesting side story to pursue...
Episode 141: Unite
At her home, Princess Peach was having a women's meeting, with ladies such as Impa, Zelda, Palutena, Rosalina, Bayonetta, and a few others. Nobody was exactly sure what the point of the meeting was, even including the very women that were invited. Keep in mind that not all of the ladies from the mansion were in attendance.
Because this was an all-women's meeting, that meant Mario and Cappy were not allowed to be in attendance. Same went for Poochy, who was shown out the door so he could play with the Duck Hunt Dog. It was just nothing but the ladies, who were gathered with Peach in the living room.
"So happy that all of you could make it here!" gleamed Peach, as she started the meeting off. She was all smiles, as she looked around. "Well, most of you, anyways, but it's better than nothing, I suppose!"
Zelda: Peach is having a "women's summit" thing at her house. She gathered all the women from the mansion - as much as she could - to come over so we could talk about...um...I don't really know, honestly. But regardless, Mario is not allowed in the house while the meeting is taking place. Peach has repeated that five times already.
"Women today, though we have the same perks as men, are very much different in many varied ways..." continued Peach, as the ladies treated themselves to some cookies Peach had baked specifically for the meeting. "With that being said..."
"Hey ladies, what's-a going on?" asked Mario, as he entered the house and interrupted the meeting. The ladies looked at him, as Peach tried her best to keep her cool.
"Mario, I thought I told you you're not allowed to be here..." Peach kindly said to her husband, feeling her eye twitch just a little.
"Yes, I know, we both-a agreed that I wouldn't show up and ruin-a your meeting...but I've been-a thinking, about a few things-a I want to say. Some things I wish-a to contribute to the meeting at-a hand."
"What exactly are these 'things' you speak of, Mario?" questioned Bayonetta, smirking to herself as she rested her chin in the palm of her hand, her below resting on the living room table. "It's not like you know what this meeting is all about...then again, none of us except Peach know either."
"Just hear-a me out, okay? Now, what's more important-a than quality? Equality! Studies show that today's ideal-a woman, the Mary Sue, as we'll call-a her, is at a cross-a roads..."
"Mario, will you do all of us a favor, and please leave?" Peach kindly asked her husband, taking deep breaths because she felt it was necessary.
"They did this thing up-a in Philadelphia...or maybe it was-a Buffalo...yeah, it was totally Philadelphia. We'll just-a leave it at. Anyways, this-a thing up in Philadelphia..."
"Can you just go away already, Mario?" frowned Kiria, who wanted this "women's summit" meeting over with as soon as possible so she could get back to the recording studio and record songs. "It's fairly obvious that you aren't allowed..."
"Well for your-a information Kiria, I'm the husband-a of Princess Peach, which automatically means-a that..." Mario would soon be interrupted, when the front door creaked open, with Peach standing next to the now open door.
"Leave, NOW," the princess ordered, sternly looking at Mario as she pointed out the door. Mario looked at the open door, not ready yet to admit defeat.
"Would anyone like-a some coffee, before I go?" the plumber would ask the ladies, before Peach had to kick her husband out of the house. Literally.
Mario: "Women's summit"... *shakes head* "Women's summit"...yeah, translation: "I have been banned from my own house so that Peach can talk in secret to all the girls." *scoffs* "Women's summit"...about-a what? Clothes? Makeup? Hair? Blegh!
"I'm so sorry about that ladies, don't know why Mario just won't listen," Peach apologized to the ladies in attendance, though some of them didn't mind Mario stopping the meeting. "Can we start again? We were on such a roll..."
"Um, Princess Peach?" Lana said to the princess, looking at the window.
"Yes, Lana, what is the problem?" Lana would point directly at the problem, at whatever was in the window.
"Mario is looking through the window..." Peach turned her head, and saw her husband hanging around at the window, watching closely. Peach groaned, as she got up and pulled the curtains close together.
Little did Peach and the others know that Mario wasn't the only person spying on them through a window. Link, Pit, and Kirby were both situated near a window, watching the meeting take place.
"Such a terrible idea, I tell you..." Pit said to the others, with his arms folded. The angel was disgusted that Palutena was at the meeting - made him sick to his stomach, for whatever reason.
"You mean this women's summit thing Peach is doing with the ladies?" asked Link, wanting to know what Pit's rationale was. "I personally see nothing wrong with it. Though I have no clue what's being discussed, and why this meeting is happening in the first place."
"Think about it - those girls in the same living room together, it's going to make the body odor in that house extremely high if they stay for too long. Air conditioning will be destroyed." Pit never had these thoughts when Mario invited countless of folk to his house...so why was he sharing these thoughts now?
"Link, Pit, Kirby, just the three-a I needed to see!" exclaimed Mario, as he approached Link and company with a smile. Said smile was enough to make the three feel somewhat weary. "Would you like-a to have a meeting? Just us-a men?"
"Technically I think we're the only two men present," replied Link, as he took a glance at both Pit - picking his nose - and Kirby - messing around with a dandelion. "But sure, we're game? So, where's this meeting gonna take place at?"
Meanwhile, at the women's meeting, Peach was discussing some long-term plans with the ladies - plans that she wanted to discuss with gals like Zelda and Samus before speaking with the men. The meeting was going well so far, until...
"Yeah, that's what I'm-a talking about!" exclaimed Mario, as he barged into his home along with Link, Pit, and Kirby. Peach and the ladies looked at the four dudes, with Peach looking on with great disdain. "Men's summit, for-a the win! Best summit EVER!"
"I don't know why you're back here, Mario, we already kicked you out," said Peach, not wanting to go through the trouble of kicking her husband out of the house. "Also, why did you bring your friends along?"
"Because we're gonna have-a our own meeting - a men's-a summit." The ladies were quietly whispering among themselves, expressing doubts about how well this "men's summit" would be.
"That sounds very destructive," Nana offered her two cents, knowing that any meeting involving Pit in some capacity would be destined to fail no matter what.
"Oh, believe-a me, it'll be the exact-a opposite! At our-a meeting, we'll discuss topics that mean-a so much to us. Like, why can't boys-a play with dolls? Or why does society force-a us to use urinals when sitting down-a is far more comfortable?"
"Those all sound like personal problems to me..." murmured Ashley, who didn't even know why she bothered attending the women's meeting in the first place. She must really hate herself. "...why don't you do this somewhere else?"
"We have nowhere-a else, Ashley." Ashley and many of the other ladies found this extremely hard to believe.
"We could conduct our own-a meeting at the mansion," suggested Kirby, finding a solution that would benefit everyone. Look at that pink puffball, thinking on very rational terms...
"Excellent idea, Kirby - do your own meeting at the mansion, in the meeting room," agreed Peach, momentarily glancing at the look to see how much time was lost. "Just leave us alone."
Peach; I should've slapped Mario for interrupting my meeting, but...I just can't do it. He's my husband, after all, and I love him too much. However, Mario does have a pretty slappable face, and that makes controlling my urge all the more difficult...
"So sorry, once again...now where were we?" said Peach, once Mario and company left the house. The princess looked towards Impa, who was holding a notepad. "Impa, are you still taking notes of the meeting?"
"Yes I am, sadly," replied Impa, in a saddened, deadpan tone. First it was Mario, and not it was Peach's turn to force the Sheikah to do something Isabelle could to herself. Speaking of Isabelle... "Why can't Isabelle take notes, she's sitting right here!"
"Because she's done that enough times in her life already. I'm giving her a break. But I greatly appreciate it for volunteering, Impa!" Impa grumbled, as she jotted down a few notes on her notepad. Possibly about how Mario and Peach were the worst.
Mario was now conducting his own meeting in the meeting room, and the plumber wouldn't be alone - in addition to Link, Pit, and Kirby, many other male residents would join the plumber, eager to discuss stuff at the meeting. Well, some were eager...
"Why don't we start-a our meeting off with a little ice-a breaker session?" Mario kicked things off, as he turned his attention to Donkey Kong, who was seated right next to him. "Donkey Kong, what's-a your biggest fear?"
"My biggest fear is that someone might distract us from finishing this meeting on time," replied Donkey Kong, intentionally trying to throw some shade at Mario. Too bad the plumber didn't pick up on it.
"Uh huh...that's a very interesting fear-a to have. Very specific. Now let's move on-a to Berkut." Mario turned his attention to the paladin, who was lamenting the fact that he had to sit with his mortal enemy, Alm. "As you guys-a already know, Berkut is married to the girl-a of his dreams, Rinea. Binea has shown-a us time and time again that no matter how-a different you may be, love will always-a prevail!"
"Who in blazes is Binea?" Berkut raised an eyebrow in curiosity, hoping "Binea" wasn't an evil twin of Rinea or something. That would be very problematic.
"Binea is a pet-a name I came up with-a for your relationship with Rinea. You see, it combines both of your-a names to create one-a name. A name you can both-a identify by. I would use-a the pet name Rerkut, but that just doesn't sound-a right."
"I still don't quite understand..." Maybe if Berkut followed celebrity news more, he would understand how these pet names worked. Bet the paladin didn't keep up with that kind of stuff, because he did not care for any celebrity that didn't share the same royalty as he did.
"I can tell that Berkut is still planning in secret to assassinate you," Sonic whispered quietly to Alm, still fairly certain that Berkut was out to kill Alm and take over the country of Valentia. "He'll probably stab you from the back, piercing you with his sword through your heart!"
"...sounds fairly descriptive, but thanks for the heads up, Sonic," thanked Alm, as Sonic patted the blunette on the shoulder for support. The hedgehog was always willing to have Alm's back - even if Alm didn't want him.
"I got your back if Berkut tries to kill you. But try to stay out of it, for your own good..." Sonic's eyes darted around, before staring down Berkut.
Sonic: Don't get me wrong, I'm still pretty certain that Berkut's still out to kill Alm. The writing's been on the wall for quite a long time. I've suspended my belief that Balthier is working in secret with Berkut, after a very thorough investigation, and now I'll be on the lookout for anyone that has lowkey allegiances with the paladin himself. Could be anyone. Could be Knuckles, could be Daisy...could be that neckbeard man with the tattoos that drives by the mansion on his motorcycle. Trust me, I'll be watching...
As the women's meeting continued, it soon become more and more clear what the point of the meeting was about. It was intended to uplift the ladies, to make them feel better themselves as a person. And here Mario thought it would be about clothes and makeup!
"Let's go around the living room and say something that we know we're good at," suggested Peach; some girls were ready to share, like Wii Fit Trainer, while others such as Flora weren't as confident. "I'll go first. I'm good at gardening, and also kart racing!"
"I'm Flora, and I am a complete and utter dis..." Flora started, before she caught herself right about when she was going to complete her sentence. "...I mean, I'm good at sweeping and cleaning floors."
"Sweeping and cleaning floors, how very swell! Thanks for sharing with us, Flora! What about you, Fiora, what are you good at?"
"I'd say I'm good at crossword puzzles, board games, solitaire...that kind of stuff," replied Fiora, as her roommate, Samus, gave the Homs a strong look of disbelief.
"Oh really, is that so?" the bounty hunter said to Fiora, greatly despising the fact that Dark Samus was in attendance at the meeting. Probably Master Hand's doing. "Why don't you prove how good your are at that kind of stuff, then?"
"Now wouldn't be a great time for proving anything...we're having a meeting, after all. I just didn't know I would be asked a question about that..."
"Alright ladies, that's enough from the both of you," Peach said to Fiora and Samus, wanting the meeting to continue. She couldn't afford to lose any more time. "Let's just move on to Lady Palutena, shall we?"
"I've seen you play some solitaire with Shulk, and boy, you did horrible," Samus said to Fiora, who held her head down solemnly. "Must be embarrassing to lose a card game to your boyfriend, the way you did."
"I thought I did a great job..." responded Fiora, feeling her confidence being crushed. Samus was ready to retort, before Peach gave the bounty hunter a stern look, followed by a clearing of her throat. Gotta keep on moving with the meeting...
Impa: No way do I fit in with these women, except for Zelda. They're all too different for my tastes. I used to fit in with Peach, but she...she's really changed, over time. As for Lana and Linkle...those two are lost souls, at this point.
With Peach having her meeting with the ladies, and Mario having his own meeting with the dudes, Master Hand had all the time in the world to do his hobbies without any interruption. Such as doing acrylic paint, of course. The giant hand was painting an artwork with his supplies, and he was painting what appeared to be Skull Kid...foreshadowing, perhaps?
"Ah, this will look great hanging up in hallway one day," remarked Master Hand, as he continued to paint with his giant paintbrush. Must've been an extremely rare find on Amazon. While the giant hand was painting, Fox and Falco both entered the room, out of breath once they entered.
"Master Hand it's terrible, it's outrageous, it's downright inhumane!" Fox said to the giant hand, who immediately stopped where he was so he could give the pilots his full attention. "We have a dilemma on our hands, and it's Star Records related!"
"Aren't you boys supposed to be at that so-called 'men's summit' with Mario and them?" Master Hand questioned both Fox and Falco. He had hoped all the males were at the meeting, so he could enjoy his day in peace.
"We were gonna attend the meeting, until this crisis on our hands appeared in our rear view," replied Falco, trying his best to express the severity of the situation to Master Hand. "It's unlike anything we dealt with in the past!"
"Let me guess, is Team Galactic trying to rule the world? Is Mother Brain plotting to destroy the mansion? Has Waluigi escaped from jail, and is sending out an army to attack me as revenge for not giving him a Smash invite? Whatever it is, Mario will take care of it..."
"But that's the thing, it's something Mario can't take care of." stated Fox - that didn't make the situation more relevant to Master Hand at all. "It's something we both have to deal with, and yourself included."
"Look, can you just tell Mario what's going on, and leave me alone? I was enjoying myself until you bozos decided to ruin my fun...I know your situation has much to do with your record label, but seriously, can you just..."
"The former head of Fortuna Entertainment - Maiko Shimazaki - just called us and said that she wants her idol singers back."
It was until Master Hand heard this that he was left shook. He knew that the idol singers brought in money to Star Records, and he also knew that they had a former boss in Maiko Shimazaki. If Maiko were to take away the idol singers, then how on earth will Star Records generate money - money that Master Hand will steal, without permission?
"Tell me more about Maiko Shimazaki..." ordered Master Hand, with Fox finally taking hold of the giant hand's interest.
Although Mario was having a men's meeting, the plumber couldn't lose sight of something he vowed to take care of - making the Koopalings happy while Bowser was still banned from the mansion. Seven of the eight Koopalings were in attendance at Mario's meeting, with Bowser Jr. being the most impatient. He was craving for something fun to do, and his impatience grew the more he tapped his foot underneath the table.
"Hey Mario, how about we head outside and do stuff?" the young koopa implored the plumber, hoping he would say yes. "I think this meeting will go nowhere if you keep dragging it out. We should totally bond outdoors!"
"Oh, I see...well...um..." said Mario, clearly at a loss for words. His meeting was going so well...despite being the only person in the room who thought that. "...yeah, you know-a what? I don't think...we should..." Was Mario trying to buy time? "...no, we can't go out-a side, there's bugs around. They'll sting-a us to oblivion."
"I'm sure most of these guys wouldn't mind." Bowser Jr. would bring Mario's attention to the very men in the meeting room, bored out of their minds - some were asleep, like Snake, while others were staring in the distance, like Layton, almost done with life.
"Guys! May I have-a your attention?" exclaimed Mario, waking everyone up either from their slumber, or from their own distant world. "For the next-a part of our men's-a summit, we'll be heading outside. Now, for anyone who wishes to try-a out Captain Falcon's flyer, just follow me!"
"Finally, things are getting interesting!" gleamed Wolf, rubbing his hands together excitedly as the men left the meeting room. Captain Falcon would be the last to leave, not happy with the sudden direction the men's summit was taking.
Dark Pit: Heck yeah, I'm looking forward to joyrides in the Falcon Flyer! Wish I could do the same in the Lamborghini, but sadly you can't even lay your pinky finger on that thing without having your entire life threatened. But on the other hand, the Falcon Flyer is way faster, and much cooler. You could literally start road rages with airplanes, in that thing. And you won't even get a ticket...
Mario and his men gathered around the Falcon Flyer...which was currently getting booted up by Captain Falcon. The racer was doing some extremely precautionary stuff to ensure his vehicle would remain in one piece.
"We should've taken a ride in that bus Toad stole, just saying," Captain Falcon said to Mario, who was busy checking his watch. Toad looked around nervously, as he backed away into the crowd.
Meanwhile, back at Mario's house, Peach was still conducting her meeting, and she and the ladies were now discussing what they wanted to be five years from now. Some great responses were heard around the living room, and now it was Wii Fit's turn.
"In five years, I would like to be...five years a vegan," the trainer stated, vowing to a life full of fruits and vegetables, with no sight of meat in her diet. To Wario, that was the worst life anyone could have.
"That is an excellent goal, thanks for sharing Wii Fit!" smiled Peach...only for her smile to fade away slightly when Wii Fit pulled out a piece of chicken from her pocket and ate it quickly. She couldn't resist, could she?
"Actually...make that four and a half. I'm sorry, but I just had to..." Now it was Samus' turn to tell the others what she wanted to be in five years. The bounty hunter wasn't so keen on sharing things with others, so this was interesting.
"My goal in five years is to not be doing endless and pointless favors for everyone, such as chaperoning and babysitting someone's kids," stated Samus, as some of the ladies nodded their heads. "Which is one reason why I won't have kids, so I can avoid that crap."
"Good to hear, good to hear! Okay, Mamori, now it's your turn - what do you want to be five years from now?" Everyone's eyes soon turned to Mamori, the youngest girl in the living room.
"In five years...I wanna be an SUV owner, with a car that has three row of seats!" Mamori blurted out, as some of the ladies found themselves very intrigued. Some were even whispering among themselves, wishing they too could be an SUV owner one day.
"Everyone has to be a delusional pest in this house, don't they..." sighed Samus, leaning back in the couch as she folded her arms. She looked towards Dark Samus, who was nearby...and the doppelganger nodded her head in agreement, surprising Samus. About time they were on the same page.
Peach: I'll be perfectly honest with you - the goals I had in mind for my women's summit is to not only create bonding time for us ladies, but to look for potential standouts. Women who could be worth shopping at the mall with, or spend an entire day with at the spa. Zelda and Daisy don't count, they've already used up their usefulness I'm afraid.
Captain Falcon was finally done working on his Falcon Flyer, which was ready for takeoff. While the racer was getting his racing vehicle situated, Link, Cloud, Pit, and Kirby were quietly chatting among themselves.
"Mario wanted us to bond so we need topics for conversation," Pit stated to the other three, trying not to lose sight of what the men's summit was about. "Link, do you have any ideas?"
"I know, let's talk about swords!" the Hylian responded, as Cloud had every right in the world to facepalm. "We can talk about my Master Sword, which is the..."
"Okay, if you're gonna be super biased, then you can just forget about it. My double-edged sword is far more superior to your stupid Master Sword, by the way. Cloud, do you have anything we should discuss?
"We can always talk about sports, no average guy can go a month without talking about that kind of stuff," replied Cloud, not in the mood for open discussion. "College football is starting back up, so why not talk about that?"
"Ew, no, that sport has become so predictable now, that it's downright unwatchable these days...so sick and tired of seeing Connecticut win all the time. Kirby, YOU a great topic for discussion, don't you?"
"Why can't we just have a general conversation?" suggested Kirby, with perhaps the most boring topic known to man. "Sure it might sound broad, but..."
"It's dangerous, Mario, get out of there!" Captain Falcon said to the plumber, who was now riding inside the Falcon Flyer. The vehicle was hovering up in the air, as the men were looking cautiously.
"Hey, you're going to...going to hurt-a yourself!" Mario warned Falcon, letting him know how close the racer was to his own vehicle. The fuel emitting from the Falcon Flyer was dangerously close to Falcon's face.
"Mario, seriously, land the Falcon Flyer and get out. We've sent enough people to the hospital already. Just let me show you how the Falcon Flyer operates, and..."
"Stand-a clear," Mario alerted everyone, as he put the stick shift into ignition. Did the Falcon Flyer even have a stick shift to begin with?
"Mario. Get out of my Falcon Flyer. Please. Come on now." Mario still refused to listen to Captain Falcon, as he lifted the Falcon Flyer up into the air and made Falcon even more nervous in the process.
"I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine..." Despite repeating the fact that he was fine over and over again, Mario looked pretty scared while up in the Falcon Flyer. Though he shouldn't be, since he has rode in smaller versions of the vehicle in Mario Kart.
"Would you just land the Falcon Flyer and get out already? Last thing I would want, or we, rather, would be for you to..."
Before Captain Falcon could speak further, Mario pressed down on the gas pedal, and the Falcon Flyer zipped across, crashing into a nearby treehouse. The Falcon Flyer, now stuck in the tree, was in one piece, but the same couldn't be said for the now destroyed treehouse.
Ness: Well, it's a good thing I didn't spend enough time in that treehouse to develop memories, and develop memories to the point where I would store keepsakes in said treehouse. Guess you could say that's one of the few great things about growing up...
"Oh, would-a you look at that!" remarked Mario, as he looked at the treehouse he destroyed with the Falcon Flyer. Said treehouse would catch on fire, with the fire thankfully away from the Flyer. "We'll get some-a one to repair this tree-a house."
"Guess that someone's gonna be you..." remarked Layton, as Donkey Kong ran over to the now-destroyed treehouse and frowned. The gorilla was more upset about the treehouse than everyone else.
"Dang it Mario, I just finished that treehouse last week!" DK frowned at the plumber, pulling his hair out as he clenched his teeth with anger. Mario could only smile innocently, before the Falcon Flyer fell out of the tree and landed on the ground.
"We oughta have-a this thing serviced," the plumber said concerning the Falcon Flyer, much to the chagrin of Captain Falcon.
Because the whole "let's fly the Falcon Flyer!" thing was an absolute fail, Mario was left with no other choice but to return his men to the meeting room, to continue their meeting. It was time to move on to the next phase.
"Guy's Gripe Session, let's-a go!" Mario announced enthusiastically, as he pumped his fist into the air. The only other enthusiastic individual was Cappy; everyone else was either bored, or wanted to leave. "Now, we definitely live in different worlds-a but we have a lot in common. We even like the same-a girls, some of us. That's-a going to happen, you know. We're guys, so... "
"Do you want me to leave?" someone spoke up, as Mario directed his attention to a purple individual seated next to Yoshi. It was none other than Yoshi's love interest, Birdo. "This conversation might not be for me..."
"Birdo, since when-a did you come to the meeting?" Mario saw that Birdo was strongly violating Yoshi's personal area, all up on the green dinosaur and intruding upon his breathing space.
"Oh, I just saw Yoshi outside and I asked him what he was doing, and he didn't tell me so I followed him here. But I can see clearly that I'm the odd one out in this meeting room, so..."
"No Birdo, you can stay...you can hear the many perspectives of different men!" Cappy tried to entice Birdo, but it wouldn't work as Birdo left the premises.
After discussing what they wanted to be five years from now, Peach and the ladies were now talking about their dreams. Things they wanted to accomplish in life, things they aspire for in the near future...that kind of stuff.
"I would love to have a huge walk-in closet," gleamed Paula, speaking in her distinct Southern accent, as she fantasized about having such a closet. "Preferably in a two-story mansion, which I would also want."
"Ooh, I want the same things too!" exclaimed Wendy, surprised that she and Paula were both on the same page. "We are so alike! We should be besties, for life!" Just hearing that made Samus roll her eyes, as she was sick to her stomach.
"Great, great!" smiled Peach, as she nodded her head to Paula and Wendy's responses. "So Zelda, what about you? What is your dream?" Peach didn't want to ask Zelda, as she alluded to in her talking head segment, but she had no choice.
"Well...I always dreamed of a castle with a large balcony upstairs," replied Zelda, thinking more like a queen and less like a princes. "Plant flowers on it... stuff like that. Since I was a little girl. Um... More seriously though, a husband that I love...like Link. And I love archery. And I... I did a little when I was younger and I'd still love to do something where I could work be an undercover archer or something of that nature."
Zelda: Ha ha, I've never really told anyone my dream...haven't told anyone about my ambition to marry Link one day. Not even Midna. And now, I've just told a bunch of girls my little secret. Good thing it's not gossip...
Peach: Darn it Zelda, why did you have to make yourself so worthy to go out shopping with? You've used up your usefulness already - give another girl a chance to shine!
"I should know, Zelda's really good at the archery thing," stated Kiria, as she nodded her head. Zelda responded with a smile. "You should've seen her nail King K. Rool with those fire arrows!"
"That was totally an accident..." giggled Zelda, although some of the ladies thought what happened to Rool was well deserved. "...Rool was just in the way."
"Then Rool was committing an accident by standing in the way of your superb skill," remarked Peach, making Zelda smile even more. Peach didn't like it one bit...
While Peach and the ladies were talking about dreams, Mario and his men were talking about what bothered them the most.
"We'll start-a things off with Captain Falcon," announced Mario, putting the focus on the now ticked off racer. "What bothers-a you the most, Captain Falcon?"
"My main priority is safety," replied Captain Falcon; safety was always something to consider, when you're an F-Zero veteran. "So it really bothers me when somebody wants to be an idiot speeding around in someone's vehicle, playing with it like a toy. Kinda gets under my skin."
"Okay, yeah, I get it..." Mario looked away from Captain Falcon, not wanting to see the racer glare him down intensely.
"Don't turn your face away from me, you mustached buffoon! Face me like a man!" Mario's head was now fully turned away from Captain Falcon, with Cappy hovering in the way to obstruct Falcon's view.
"You know what, that bothers me too, what you did out there Mario!" Jacky frowned at the plumber; being an Indy Car racer, Jacky had every right to be as angry as Captain Falcon. "And what you're doing right now bothers me just as much!"
"I was just-a breathing man..." stated Mario, greatly despising the fact that he was being blamed on all fronts. In a perfect world, he would make Cappy his fall guy.
"Tsubasa shushes me, drives me crazy sometimes," said Itsuki, wanting to not only change the subject, but alleviate the tension in the meeting room. The young man was a pro at dealing with tense situations.
"I hate-a shushing. But you know, that's-a the thing! What, my friends, is our beef-a as men?" The men looked around, and at one another, as they tried to figure out the answer to this philosophical question.
"You know, that's a really good question, Lou Albano," replied Diddy Kong, as some of the others were laughing under their breath, some covering their mouths. "What bugs us the most?"
"Guys ragging on each-a other, myself included...that's, that's good. That's what guys-a love to do the most, and we love-a it! Right-a guys?" Not a single person said anything in response. "I said, RIGHT-A GUYS?!"
Earlier, Mario had assumed the women's summit would either be about clothes, makeup, or hair. Right now, Peach and the ladies were talking about one of these topics of discussion, which was clothes.
"Why don't we say a little something about clothing!" Peach kicked things off, clapping her hands together in pure excitement. "Remember ladies, rule number one is always dress to impress. Use your clothing to send a message about your ambitions by wearing clothes that reflect what you aspire to be!"
Palutena: Feeling pretty excited today. *whispering* I do love me some girl talk!
Rinea: I'm not really gaining anything from this all-girls meeting. I'm a woman of royalty. Married to a paladin. I'm in a very healthy relationship.. I just don't think we need Peach to conduct a meeting with us. Especially since she used to be kidnapped a lot. Makes her out to be a slut. *pauses* But having a child does wash some of that away...
Over at the men's summit, Mario and company went from talking about what bothered them the most...to talking about women in general. This should be fun...
"I hate it when girls insist on taking them out to new restaurants every weekend night and then they're like 'When are we going to go on a date-date?'," stated Toad, acting like he was some kind of hustler taking Toadette around town.
"Man, I hate that too!" agreed Olimar, as the men who were either married or in a relationship agreed as well. Some were even clapping in response.
"Yeah, and then they make you drive them to church the next morning!" frowned Snake, like he was speaking from experience. "Like 'Gas ain't free!' I've never been to church before in my life, by the way."
"On our hard-a earned money, what do they expect?" questioned Luigi, letting it all out what with Daisy nowhere in sight. Time to let it all out, Luigi."You know to take-a us out every weekend? You know-a what I mean? We're not millionaires."
"I feel you Luigi, I really do," Champion Link sympathized with the plumber, leading to weird looks from his fellow men. "Why is everyone looking at me?"
"Champion Link, you don't...you don't feel-a us," Mario had to tell it straight to the Hylian. "How can you? You don't even have a love-a life! Not saying that you and-a Princess Zelda aren't together or anything..."
"I mean, I didn't say I felt you guys literally...I was talking from a different standpoint. You know, as a dude..."
"We know what you're talking about, Champion Link...but you have nothing to contribute to the conversation."
"Maybe I do, maybe I don't, but I'm not trying to pick sides here. I'm just trying to show you guys my full support!"
"You claim-a that you're a man, yet none of us are-a entirely sure if hooked-a up with Princess Zelda yet."
"Well in all fairness, I have been pretty busy around Hyrule, but that doesn't mean..."
"It's okay if you aren't in a relationship, Champion Link, take it from a guy like me..." said Wario, who has experienced a few shortcomings in his recent quest to win Palutena's heart. "...you'll get a lot less satisfaction in life."
"Not only that, but a lot less benefits," added Roy, telling Champion Link how it was. "Like, you'd never expect a gift from your woman! It'll be you doing the gifting more than anything!"
"Yes, that is so-a true!" agreed Luigi, as he nodded his head in agreement. He bought so many gifts for Daisy, it wasn't even funny. But did the plumber ever receive anything in return? "What is up-a with that?! Sucks-a so much..."
"You know, we wouldn't be dealing with these hardships if we formed some kind of coalition," suggested Chrom, as he received dubious looks from the men. "As in like, a brotherhood, a bond of good friends! No?"
Chrom: That Romance Club was a straight up farce - none of us learned anything about being a good boyfriend, and to top it all off, Marth was just preparing us for fighting the Heartless. Nothing about that so-called club felt remotely genuine, and there was hardly any support whatsoever. Which is why I came up with the idea of having an all-male coalition, so we could support one other and whatnot. And it's way more inclusive.
"Woah, woah, woah, let's pump-a the brakes..." said Mario, not wanting Chrom and the other men to get ahead of themselves.
"Riki loves idea of men's coalition, Riki fully on board!" exclaimed Riki, and soon many others in the meeting room voiced their support for Chrom's idea - much to Mario's chagrin. "Men's coalition what we need!"
"Riki's right, we do need a men's coalition," said Yashiro, as Mario started to feel weak in power. "What if we formed one before the girls do? Then we'll have all the bragging rights!"
"A men's coalition is what I've been thinking about for a while now," stated Chrom, glad to see so many dudes supporting his idea. For some reason, the prince expected to be shunned. "We need to do this, with or without Master Hand's consent."
"Do you really believe-a it would be necessary?" Mario asked Chrom, who responded with an affirmative, confident nod. "Because-a we already have a union...of guys. We just choose-a not to speak about it."
"It's more than necessary, Mario. Think about it - with the coalition, we'll be closer together than ever before. We aren't that close to begin with, right Robin?" Chrom nudged the mage in his arm.
"Uh, yeah, whatever you say, Chrom," chuckled Robin, as he looked the other way. Maybe he wasn't so down on the coalition idea?
"Can I just say something, get it off my chest?" Cappy spoke up, as the men gave the talking hat their uninvited attention. "I think the problem we're dealing with is the chicks."
"True dat, true dat..." agreed Knuckles, in agreement with Cappy. Others also found themselves in agreement with the talking hat.
"Yeah, you might be on-a to something, Cappy..." Mario said to his hat companion, as he was stroking his chin. "...the problem is the chicks. And you gotta blame-a them."
"So, Mario, does that mean you're with us?" Chrom asked the plumber, who thought long and hard about his answer. Now was the moment of truth...
"Yeah I am!" Mario exclaimed, leading to a wave of cheers and applause from the men. Some, like Crash, were pumping their fists in the air, while others, such as Robin, didn't want anything to do with the celebrating. Certain men, like Cloud, straight up didn't care.
With the men's coalition unofficially formed, Mario felt it was right to tell Peach the news, so the princess wouldn't find out in the future and nag Mario. The plumber would return to his house, and opened the front door, seeing Peach and the ladies still in the living room.
"Not a single word-a Peach, this is important..." Mario warned his wife, as he closed the front door behind him. "Ladies, take a breather. Peach, I..um...I wanted to say that the guys-a over at the mansion are-a thinking about forming a union. And they have some-a good points..."
"A union, of all males?" Peach raised an eyebrow, not exactly sure how such a union would work out. "What on earth are you talking about?"
"Don't get-a hysterical on me, woman - I know how to dish-a it right back!" The ladies were quietly whispering about the men's coalition among themselves, sharing similar doubts as Peach.
"I'm not getting hysterical, Mario..."
Mario: Part of my job-a as a husband, and as a man, is knowing how to talk-a to women.
"Why don't we start-a off with the basics," said Mario, hoping to get Peach and a few others fully supportive of the men's coalition. Some support from the women could go a long way. "What-a are the pros? What-a are the cons?"
"The cons are that everyone will be likely killed by Master Hand," replied Peach, knowing that Master Hand might not like a pact of any kind among his residents. "What pros do you think there'll be, Mario?"
"Don't sass me like-a that...Jennifer will pick up-a on it, and she'll do the same-a thing you're doing. Don't want two girls-a to be sassing me all-a day long. I'll make my life a living night-a mare!"
"Look Mario, I'm not that interested in your male union thingamajig. So will you kindly go away, and leave us alone?"
"But we're bonding over at-a the mansion! That has to mean some-a thing, or lead-a to something great! Something special!"
"I'm terribly sorry Mario, but that's too bad. You know how Master Hand can be when it comes to unionizing."
"I don't want to have to tell-a the dudes something they're not going to want-a to hear. That's why I need-a your support. Give-a me the green light, princess!"
"I just can't, Mario - not at the risk of having your life taken away by Master Hand. You really don't want to make him angry!"
"Come-a on Peach...you've supported me in-a the past, usually when I didn't need-a it, so why won't you support-a me now? Screw what Master Hand-a thinks - it's not like-a he's ever gonna know...but knowing him, he probably will."
"Why don't you return to the mansion, and we'll talk about this union idea of yours later?" Left with no choice, Mario sighed as he turned around and walked away, leaving his home. He hoped to change Peach's mind later tonight.
Back over at the meeting room, the men were waiting for Mario to return, unaware that the plumber would have to break some bad news to them. One man that couldn't care less was Cloud, who was chilling with his feet on the meeting room table.
"You know what...we could've found a solution a lot quicker if we formed a type of assembly line," Cloud said to Doc Louis, who was eating yet another chocolate bar. This one's name was Bessie. "Give everyone an equal chance to shine...
"Meh, this whole dang meeting is just is a run-out-the-clock situation," Doc Louis offered his two cents, taking a gaudy bite out of his chocolate bar. "Much like the women's thing over at Mario's place. Trying to pass the time!"
With Mario gone, Peach could focus on the next part of her meeting - sports. Because why not?
"Sports metaphors are one of the ways women feel left out of the language in most social situations," stated Peach, like she was speaking all some women's seminar. That's what she sounded like, most of the day. "Now, I know this might sound silly but, um...we'll just do it anyways. Fumble, it means... "
"Mistake. or slip," answered Wii Fit, way quicker than Peach expected. "It's not rocket science, Princess Peach, everyone knows what it means..."
Wii Fit Trainer: *to Viridi* Does Peach think we're all stupid or something?
Viridi: Maybe Peach asked us dumb questions expecting to receive dumb answers, so that way she could feel better about being a blonde. Of course, there are some outliers, myself included...
Wii Fit Trainer: Someone's conceited...
"Right you are, Wii Fit," said Peach, before moving on to the next sports topic. "Par for the course is a golf term. It means right on track. Below par means worse. Wait... that should mean better, that doesn't make sense...maybe I should watch more golf."
"Quick question, Princess Peach - what about second base?" asked Kohaku, raising her hand so she could be identified. "Like, if someone like Snake said that he got to second base with Samus?" Samus gave Kohaku a deathly glare upon hearing that. "Does that mean you closed a deal?"
"You certainly closed a deal with your life, that's for sure..." Samus said to Kohaku, whipping out her Paralyzer as she advanced towards the girl. Zelda stopped the bounty hunter in time, before she could get any closer.
"I mean that's a baseball term, right Peach? Also, I've heard from Hisui that second base has inappropriate connotations...is that true or not?"
"I don't know, Kohaku...I really don't know. Perhaps you should ask Mario about that. He might know more than I do."
Being the great lowkey friend of Samus that she was, Zelda took Samus outside so the bounty hunter could cool off over Kohaku's comments. While she was hanging around Mario's house, the princess was petting Poochy, who had came over to greet her. Someone else would greet Zelda, wearing a green tunic.
"Howdy partner," Link waved to his girlfriend, who cringed mightily at the Hylian's greeting. Link felt the cringe from Zelda, too. "...I'm so sorry, I was trying to be cool and old-fashioned at the same time. I failed you..."
"Uh huh...so how's your little 'men's summit' coming along?" Zelda asked Link, not expecting to hear necessarily good things.
"It's a complete...well, actually it's exactly what you'd expect, so...how are the girls? How are you ladies coming along?"
"Good. We watched a video about our changing bodies." This alarmed Link, as his eyes widened with surprise. "Okay, I kid, I kid..."
"Oh man, I was about to say...phew. So do you know what the whole point of the meeting is?"
"Impa told me this in secret, but apparently Peach is using the meeting as a means to determine which girl she should hang out with more. According to the 'notes' Impa's taking, I'm the most worthy out of all the girls..."
"Wow that sounds stupid as heck...but you know what? You should totally make yourself out to be more worthy. Then Peach will lose her mind!"
"Hmm, that would be pretty funny. I should try it out, just to see Peach's reaction. She might throw a tantrum!"
Chrom: Expecting to hear a good report from Mario. I'm sure Peach is fully on board with the men's coalition...provided Mario only told her, and not the others. That would make things catastrophic.
Mario would return to the meeting room, facing his fellow men as they waited for a response. Mario took a deep breath, bracing himself for what was next.
"I have informed my wife, Peach, about-a our men's coalition, to see what she thought-a of it," the plumber started, doing his best to keep his cool. "And she told-a me, that...that...I LEFT-A THE COFFEE MACHINE ON IN THE CAFE!" On that remark, Mario rushed out of the meeting room, leaving his fellow men in bewilderment.
"Thought I told Mario that the coffee machine broke," said Mega Man, as Cappy chased after Mario. "Guess that means the men's coalition thing is off the table...sorry, Chrom."
Mario obviously didn't go to the cafe - he just used that as an excuse to get away from the meeting room. In actuality, the plumber returned to his home, entering his house and interrupting Peach's meeting once more.
"I'm-a back!" Mario happily announced, much to the chagrin of Peach and company. They were having such a great conversation about romance and relationships.
"Mario, did I not say that we would talk about the men's coalition thing later?" questioned Peach, unnerved that Mario interrupted her meeting so many times today. It should be a personal record, of some sort.
"No worries Peach, for the men and-a I have came to a general consensus about-a the men's coalition...we all took a vote, and we all agreed-a that..."
"DO MY EARS DECEIVE ME?!" a certain voice boomed, as Master Hand magically appeared in the living room. He wasn't happy one bit. "Did someone say something about a coalition? A men's coalition?!"
"No, Master Hand, hear-a me out, it's for the greater good! This coalition will allow-a us males to form strong-a bonds, and also to..."
"Shut your trap hole Mario, I've heard enough! If there is even a whiff of unionizing in the mansion, I can guarantee you the mansion will be burned to the ground, with the snap of my fingers. And everyone will die along with it. Stringer Bell tried to unionize before, and you know what happened then. Forming a union will put you at risk of being killed - by me! So I would think long and hard before sacrificing your savings and your futures just to send a message. Now if you excuse me, I must go, Fox and Falco are bugging me about some woman trying to take my babies, my idol singers, away from them..."
And with that, Master Hand vanished, returning to the mansion. While doing so, he left the idol singers present feel very uncomfortable.
Tsubasa: Please tell me Master Hand didn't refer to us as his...babies...
Eleonora: Master Hand must have his eye out for eye candy...not saying we're that, but...
Lloyd: Pizza is a great equalizer! Rich people love pizza. Poor people love pizza. White people love pizza. Black people love pizza. Do black people like pizza? What about Hispanic people? Do Asian people like it?
To appease his men in the wake of Master Hand's comments, Mario treated them to some pizza, which he ordered with Samus' credit card - since her information was programmed into the pizza joint's system, somehow. Presumably because the bounty hunter was always reliable for ordering pizza. Mario and his men were eating pizza in the meeting room, reluctant to share the pizza with the ladies.
"Hey, um...look-a guys, I'm sorry," Mario earnestly apologized to his fellow men, knowing how disappointed some of them felt. "Sometimes Master Hand can be such a jerk."
"You can be the same way too, Mario," stated Simon, having not forgiven what the plumber put him through two episodes earlier. Some men mumbled in agreement with Simon.
"Watch it, watch it...we have a relationship, and we don't-a wanna lose it. You hear me?"
The women's summit was finally over, and the ladies returned to the mansion. Once Zelda made it back, Link was the first to greet her, in the foyer.
"So how did it go, do you prove yourself to be the 'most worthy'?" the Hylian asked the princess, and he could tell by Zelda's smile that her answer was a yes.
"Yup, sure did...and Peach wasn't happy about it, as expected," replied Zelda, smiling a tad harder. "She did throw a fit - she grabbed a chair, and then she realized she didn't want to disturb Jennifer, so she gently placed the chair back down, and just banged her fist on the table. I think she'll let her anger loose, now that everyone left."
"That's a very princess-like tantrum, if I ever heard one. Looks like Peach will be stuck going out shopping with Impa then..."
"Wouldn't count on it, Impa hates going out in public. Peach should go shopping with Lana and Linkle instead - Impa did say they were 'lost causes'..."
Mario: Is it good to have-a some balance? Yeah. I mean I love the guy stuff-a but in this world-a you need men and women. You know why? Because you need to have-a that crazy sexual tension to keep-a things interesting. It's the name-a of the game.