Author's Note:
This chapter, as the title suggests, includes archived footage - scenes that were done earlier in the story, that were never shown. That being said, previous mansion residents will appear in this chapter, so don't act surprised when you see your most favorite characters (*cough* Jakob *cough*) appearing in this chapter. I might add more scenes to this chapter, if I feel like it. On to the reviews:
"Has Emil gotten his free ice cream yet? Is Andross using his voice from Star Fox Adventures or Star Fox Zero? Will the Fate/Extella Link chapter be pushed back? (Since the game has been pushed back to March 19) will Shing/Kor from Tales of Hearts be a resident of the Smash Mansion? And finally, what are your thoughts on the Pokemon Sword and Shield game reveal?"
Not yet. He's using his voice from Zero. I might as well push that chapter back. Not keen on adding more Tales characters to the mansion. And as for Pokemon Sword and Shield...I thought they would've put the next generation in Australia. Eh. Derick Lindsey has also inquired about Pokemon...
"What do you think about Generation 8 of Pokemon like the region and who your favorite starter is (mine's sobble it's just so damn cute)?"
I will say, Galar looks like one of the coolest regions already. Don't have a favorite starter yet. Moving on:
"Also what's your favorite starter from each generation"
Outside of Bulbasaur and Cyndaquil, I don't think I have a favorite starter from Generation 3 onward...I'm so sorry, guys. Next is El Pollo Campero:
"Since this month is March and Smash got announced for a contender in Favorite video game, will there be some type of Kids Choice Awards episode? (Green Slime and all?)"
Only if Smash wins the award for Favorite Video Game...ah, I'm just kidding. There will be an awards episode of some kind, and it will be called...the Smashies! Man, that is such a perfect name...on to PinkKittyRose:
"1. Is Incineroar part of the gang with Pit and Kirby and also, will he appear more in the Pit Kirby chapters since the arc is over?
2. When will Simon, Pit, and Megaman react to the Captain N show? Also, can Champion Link and Researcher Zelda react to themselves being in the show, since The Legend of Zelda cartoon versions of them appeared in Captain N for 4 episodes at least?
3. Will Master Hand and Crazy Hand ever find out that Tom Nook never defeated the Seattle Stalker all by himself, have the others fight in the underworld instead of him and that he did nothing this whole time?
4. Will Andrew eventually accept and get over the fact that his uncle got arrested because of what he did? Also, how about having someone cheering him up, and also helping him get better, accept and getting over the fact.
5. What about doing an episode similar to the Super Mario Bros TV show episode called Two plumbers and a baby, which someone bring a device to the mansion and without them knowing, turns some of the residents into babies, and once they find out, they tired to get the device back and turn everyone back to normal before it's too late.
6. Does Master Hand still hate Tom Nook even through he unbanned him and if he does, will he start to like Tom Nook and even form a friendship with him?"
1. Incineroar is indeed part of the gang with Pit and Kirby; he will appear more often in Pit and Kirby centric chapters.
2. I don't know when those three will react to that show. But Champion Link and Researcher Zelda can join them in the reactions.
3. You will find out the answer to that question yourself, in this chapter...
4. Andrew will get over it, eventually. I can have someone cheer him up.
5. An episode where select residents get turned into babies...I feel like I should've done that before. Better late than never!
6. See my response to the third question.
And last but not least, GreaterDoomerUKI:
"1) What was Chapter 57 supposed to be about anyways?
2) Reggie should be in this story...
3) Out of all the speed runners, who do you think is the best( Simpleflips, Cheese05, Nathaniel bandy, etc.)
4) Make one chapter about Master hand trying to assasinate Souljaboy."
1) Good question: chapter 57, which introduced Hisui and Kohaku Hearts to the story, was a chapter in which Mario faced humiliation after falling unto a pond, while Bowser tried to full a promise he made with a bunch of high school kids, promising to pay off their college tuition. I essentially combined two Office episodes, in one chapter. Still trying to find the time to rewrite chapter 57...
2) Uh...we'll just...have to see about that.
3) Nathaniel Bandy is the best one...and I'm just saying that out of pure, bias.
4) Okay, reading that suggestion made me genuinely laugh for a minute or two...but sure, why not?! What could possibly go wrong?!
Episode 168: Archival
What a journey...what a journey Mario and Impa have had.
The journey had started but a year ago, when Impa stopped by Mario's house to warn Mario and Peach about the threat of Calamity Ganon. While Impa was stressing the importance of preparing for Calamity Ganon, Mario was acting rather nonchalant about the entire situation, angering Impa greatly. When Mario could be doing something, like reading a Hyrulian tome, the plumber would instead be found doing aerobic exercises in front of a television.
But, when Calamity Ganon came to town, courtesy of Giovanni, Mario eventually came through with a plan, and stopped Calamity Ganon in his tracks. Granted the plumber never really saw his plan come to fruition - since he was too busy fiddling around with Ridley - but at least his plan was a rousing success. And it helped Mario garner some respect from Impa.
From that very moment, until today, Impa's respect for Mario steadily grew. Once believing Mario to be an oaf who didn't know how to plan for potential disaster, Impa learned that the plumber was more than that - an everyman who was always looking out for his friends and peers. The Sheikah, who had promised to stick around in case of a new threat, stayed even longer when the Seattle Stalker conundrum arose. And with that situation over with, it was now time...
...time for Impa and her accomplices, Lana and Linkle, to return to Hyrule.
"YES, WE FINALLY GET THE GUEST ROOM!" Spyro could be heard cheering from inside Mario's house, as Mario and Peach left through the front door with Impa and Lana. "NO MORE SLEEPING ON THE COUCH FOR US!"
"I'm sure those two will get bored of that room eventually," remarked Impa, as Spyro and Hunter were both cheering. So long, the best friends have waited, and now their opportunity had finally come. "I know I was..."
"And now you can go back to your own-a room, in Hyrule," Mario told Impa, who flashed a slight smile. Mario was the only person that could make that Sheikah smile, it seemed like. "Or will you get tired-a of that room already?"
"On the plus side, I won't have to deal with an annoying dragon and an idiotic cheetah...as well as a few unwarranted guests. You both know who I'm talking about."
King Dedede: Nooooo, why didn't anyone tell me that Impa was heading back home?! I've yet to swoon her, with my sweet, sweet baritone singing voice. Works on all the ladies...and by ladies, I mean the Waddle Dees. Provided the ones the I sang to were female. Ywhay ouyay ottagay ogay, Impayay?
"Where is Linkle?" wondered Lana, as she looked around for her blonde friend. "I figured she would be outside already." Lana wouldn't have to worry anymore, for Linkle had left Luigi's home...with Luigi holding unto her leg.
"Please, Linkle, you can't just-a leave with my snow globe!" cried Luigi, dragged across his walkway as Linkle tried to walk. "It even turns-a on as a nightlight! How else am I supposed-a to sleep peacefully at night?"
"You said that I could take a souvenir with me back to Hyrule..." stated Linkle, making sure not to drop the snow globe in her hands. "...you never specified what things I was allowed to take with me."
"I just didn't know what-a things you were interested in. My fault, for not knowing you-a better. But please, give me back-a my snow globe!"
"Linkle, do as Luigi says," ordered Impa, as Linkle looked at the Sheikah. Impa had a stern look on her face - stern enough to make Linkle hand the snow globe back to Luigi, out of intimidation.
"Oh, thank you Linkle, I knew you would-a eventually come around!" Luigi accepted his snow globe from Linkle, letting go of the Hylian's leg. The plumber sat on the ground, kissing his snow globe like it was his child, as Daisy and Yuffie exited Luigi's home.
"What a flipping weirdo..." snorted Yuffie, as she smiled to herself, only for Daisy to glare at the ninja girl. "...I-I obviously meant that, in a good way."
"Well ladies, are you both ready to head back to Hyrule?" Impa asked Lana and Linkle, with the latter lady running over to Impa. "Ready when you are."
"Yes, we're both ready, let's go!" replied Lana, with Impa smiling as she looked back at Mario and Peach. Nobody had ever seen Impa smile so much in one day...she must be a completely changed person!
"Thank you for everything, you two..." Impa said to Mario and Peach, before waving goodbye to everyone outside as she and her lady friends walked away. "Goodbye, everyone - until we see each other again!"
"Have a safe-a trip!" Luigi called out to Impa and company, wondering how in the world they could return to Hyrule. Maybe they had access to a special portal.
"Come visit any time!" Mario called to the three departing denizens of Hyrule, with a big smile on his face, before leaning in close to Peach to ask her something. "...they're never coming back, are they?"
"Not unless Master Hand forces them to," replied Peach, who was already missing having Impa and Lana around. That's why she had Spyro and Hunter, to help fill that void. "I'm surprised he hasn't told them goodbye already!"
Mega Man and Proto Man were atop the mansion's roof, with Proto Man chilling by himself in deep thought and Mega Man looking through his binoculars. Mega Man saw through his oculars Impa and company, walking away from the mansion premises, only to be stopped by a suddenly appearing Master Hand.
"There goes Master Hand, trying to make a good lasting impression before Impa and her friends leave town..." sighed Mega Man, before lowering his binoculars and looking back at Proto Man. "How come Master Hand never threw a going-away party for those three?"
"Probably because Impa is boring as all heck," replied Proto Man, having his time alone interrupted by Mega Man. Frankly, this was the only spot in the mansion for his alone time. "Lana and Linkle, they're both irrelevant."
"Eh, you might be right. Could be that Master Hand never had the hots for Impa, Lana, and Linkle like he did for Lara. I could just tell that like Bowser, he had a ginormous crush on...wait, who's that?"
Mega Man spotted an individual on the other side of where he was looking, as he looked through his binoculars. The individual was covered in a black cloak, with a hood over their head to conceal their visage. It was a generic cloak, so the person thankfully wasn't with Organization XIII.
"Who is it?" asked Proto Man, who resented asking his question since he was supposed to be having his deep thinking and alone time. "It's not Link's creepy mailman guy, is it?"
"I wouldn't be making such a big deal about it if it was..." replied Mega Man, looking back at Proto Man before looking through his binoculars again. "...darn! He must've gone away. I think he was heading to the mansion."
"You never said who this person was, Mega Man...way to leave me hanging." Mega Man lowered his binoculars, seeing no point in looking anymore now that the individual was nowhere to be seen.
"It was someone wearing a black cloak...a regular one, not the one Organization XIII would wear. And he was walking slow...a little too slow."
"So? Maybe it's a guy who's a part of some super secret cult, and he somehow got lost in normal suburbia. Happens to the worst of us."
Mega Man: Got a very sneaky suspicion about that person...Proto Man thinks nothing of it, but I can smell some trouble afoot. We already had to deal with the Seattle Stalker stuff, with Andross and Pandora stirring up trouble, so this is possibly the last thing we need. I should tell Master Hand about that cloaked person, when he's done speaking with Impa...he better not invite her and her friends to join the mansion.
Having contributed (slightly) to stopping Pandora, Pit was telling Palutena all about the supposedly great things he had done in the Underworld, despite not really contributing as much. Dark Pit arguably did more than he did. But that didn't stop the angel was bragging to Palutena, while the goddess cooked in the kitchen.
"And then, when Link was struggling to pull in the cage with his fishing rod, I went full ultimate instinct, and destroyed the cage with my bare fist!" exclaimed Pit, as he threw his fist proudly in front of him. Palutena smiled, as she was stirring her pot of chili.
"That's not what I've heard - someone told me that Spyro destroyed the cage with a bomb Pandora fired," stated Palutena, stumping Pit as the angel frowned and lowered his arm. "Spyro's fire breath sure comes in handy!"
"Yeah, I guess so...but, when the cage was destroyed, everyone who was in it was falling to their doom! So I came in to save the day, and flew underneath everyone and grabbed them with my hands, before placing them gently on the ground!"
"Hmm, weird...it was Tails who told me that he saved everyone from falling." Pit was stumped once more, as he snapped his fingers in disgust. Should've told Palutena his tall tales sooner. "Also, why are you repeating the same stories to me over and over again?"
"So they can be fresh in your mind, so whenever anyone wants to ask about how awesome I am, you'll know what awesome stories to tell!"
"That's charming, Pit - but I can tell that you're making things up. The others told me everything that happened, so you don't have to contrive any more stories. Now, would you be a dear, and get me some tomato sauce from the pantry?"
"Yes, Lady Palutena..." Pit held his head low in pure sadness, as he walked over to the dining room where the panty was located.
Inside the dining room, Pit saw Tom Nook sitting alone at the table and sipping from a cup of tea. It was thanks to Pit (and others) that Tom Nook got reinstated in the mansion - that was a true story Pit could brag about.
"Thanks again for helping me end my ban from the mansion, Pit," Tom Nook thanked the angel, who went to the pantry and grabbed a can of tomato sauce. "Timmy and Tommy have been in high spirits since last Friday."
"Don't mention it - I was just looking out for ya," responded Pit, before closing the pantry door shut. "That's what friends do, amirite?"
"I suppose so...I don't ever recall anyone calling me a friend. Usually, most of the folk in my town are deathly afraid of me! Especially the mayor..."
"I mean, I'd be scared of you too, considering how high you look. You really have the look of a drug dealer down pact!" Pit left the dining room with his can of tomato sauce, as Tom Nook continued sipping his tea.
Tom Nook: Drug dealer, eh? That's a new one. Most people call me sociopath, serial killer, and criminal mastermind. Master Hand and Crazy Hand have called me all of those things, and then some.
"Hmm, this tea simply isn't sweet enough..." frowned Tom Nook, hopping out of his chair and taking his cup with him to the kitchen. "...time for another refill. I will get it right this time."
Moments after Tom Nook went into the kitchen, the doorknob to the backdoor was twisting. Seconds later the backdoor was open...opened by someone wearing a black cloak. It was the same person Mega Man had spotted earlier.
"Stupid robot saw me with his dumb binoculars..." the person said, with a masculine voice, as he closed the door behind him. "...but I made it here, so it's all good. Gotta make my move!" The man dashed away, knocking down a few chairs in the process.
"Ah, this tastes so much better..." Tom Nook sipped his tea happily as he returned to the dining room, startled to see the fallen chairs. "...was someone here?" Tom Nook looked around, eyes wide with curiosity.
The cloaked man darted through the hallway of the mansion, doing his best not to be detected. He hid behind a wall, when he saw Morgan and Marc walk by, before continuing when the coast was clear. He hid underneath a table, when he heard Lucario speaking with Simon, before slithering away unseen. And he ran and hid inside a room, the moment he saw Wolf walking down the hallway.
Realizing that he was now safe, with his arms on the door, the man panted slightly before letting out a sigh of relief. He found himself inside a room - a room with a large computer screen on the wall, with a bunch of laptops connected to it. One laptop was open, seated by itself on a desk.
"This looks pretty interesting..." the man rubbed his hands together as he neared the laptop, and sat down in the chair near the desk. Locking the door behind him, the man looked on the laptop screen, and saw whoever was using it was logged in. The monitor matched with the screen on the wall. "Still logged in, eh? Oh well, their loss!"
The man started going through the hard drive of the laptop, looking for any interesting stuff he could find. He saw all sorts of things - photos of the mansion residents, video-editing software, and even a Steam application. Master Hand probably wouldn't like that.
But what quickly grabbed the man's attention was a specific folder, one that was named "Deleted Footage". He clicked on this folder, and it opened up a dialog window containing a whole bunch of video footage...footage recorded from filming Smash Life, but never got to see the light of day.
"Jackpot..." the man sneered, as he hovered the mouse over the "Play All" function from a drop-down menu and clicked on it. He leaned back in the chair, folding his arms behind his head while resting his feet on the desk. The first video had just started...
Note: The videos presented will be done as if it were regular scenes in the story.
Luigi: Ok, well I did not get the nose-a job that I wanted, but I got the real-a prize, domestic bliss. Daisy made me break-a fast this morning...well, she bought-a the milk. It's soy.
Luigi walked in into the master bedroom of his new home, and saw Daisy fast asleep on the bed. She was sleeping in an awkward manner, with her face, knees, and arms on the bed, and her butt poking in the air.
"This is why-a I do it, this is what keeps-a me going," Luigi said to the camera, before sighing deeply. "She probably won't be up-a for a few hours...say, why don't I show-a you my new car? It's a Dodge-a Charger!"
Luigi hurried down the stairs and ran outside to his driveway, skidding to a stop near his green Dodge Charger. A car he received from Tekken veteran Lili de Rochefort as a wedding gift. Luigi hopped inside the vehicle, along with the cameraman, before pulling out of the driveway and driving down the street.
"This is going to be a very good-a rest of the year," Luigi spoke, as he was driving his Dodge Charger around the block. "Very good. Daisy is my-a wife. Mario's got-a my back. Sonic just had a fabulous birth-a day party. Good stuff. Um...Fox and Falco are killing it with-a Star Records. I feel very blessed."
Suddenly Luigi quickly slammed on the brakes, when he looked at the window shield in horror. There, on the hood of his new car, was barbaric princess Barbara, who rolled off of the hood in an instant. Luigi took a deep breath, feeling all sorts of guilty.
Ever since watching season 11 of America's Got Talent, King Dedede gained a huge fetish for magic tricks. His affinity for magic grew so big, that he wanted to take a spin with magic himself. So the penguin wanted to showcase a magic act in the gaming room, paying tribute to Harry Houdini.
"Can you confirm that the straps are tight?" King Dedede asked his reluctant assistant, Meta Knight, wearing a straitjacket. It was hard task in itself for King Dedede to take off his fancy red robe.
"Yes, but this seems to be a little too tight," replied Meta Knight, as he pulled on King Dedede's straitjacket. The Star Warrior was amazed at the fact that Dedede was even able to put a straitjacket on.
"Better safe than sorry. And now, the chains..." Meta Knight pulled out the chains. The chains had to be especially tight around King Dedede's arms...legs were a nonexistent matter.
King Dedede: A lot of people think that magic camp is just for kids. And that's why so many other people in my class were kids. Self fulfilling prophecy. It's um...it's really for anybody with a dream and a belief in magic and a little extra time after school. Unless you're like me, who's too good for school because of royalty.
With the straitjacket tight, and the chains all over his body, King Dedede was ready to begin his magic show. The penguin stood on the gaming room stage with Meta Knight, in front of a sparse crowd of residents.
"And now, the Great King Dedede the Magician, will attempt to escape from extreme bondage," announced King Dedede, with Lloyd giggling like a child. The others didn't care - they just wanna see Dedede fail miserably. "Can he do it? I don't see how he can."
"I know how - dislocate his shoulder and slip his arm out from underneath!" suggested Pit, emphatically raising his fist in the air. Viridi, standing next to Pit, looked at her boyfriend, never knowing him to be so gruesome and violent.
"No. No. Please don't do that. Everyone, now count down with me. One...two..."
"Sorry, quick thing," said Link as he raised his finger, grabbing King Dedede's attention and also ticking off the penguin as well. "Is it true that if you can't get out, you don't want anyone to help you?"
" I will get out. Oh yes, I will. One hundred percent guaranteed."
"So we shouldn't help you, no matter how much you might beg and plead?" asked Zelda, as King Dedede was furious at the onslaught of questions.
"No. Alright, this straitjacket is getting hot...so let's just do this. Okay, ready? Three, two, one, GO!"
With the timer on, King Dedede did his best to unchain himself and get out of the chains and straitjacket, moving about in order to complete the task. In order to unchain himself, Dedede needed a key to open up the lock attached to the chains. And the key...
...was apparently on the floor, a small distance away from the stage. Ike saw the key lying on the floor, and picked it up and placed it in his pocket - just to make King Dedede's escape act even harder.
"AAAAAAAHHHH!" screamed King Dedede, as he fell unto the floor trying to get out of the chains and straitjacket. His assistant Meta Knight looked on, amused by King Dedede making himself look like a fool.
"Is everything okay, King Dedede?" Akira asked the fat penguin, wanting to use his strength to tear the chains off of King Dedede.
"Nope, everything is just fine! Just give me some time..."
King Dedede: I cannot tell you how I plan to escape. Other than by using magic. That is the magician's code. Separately, on an unrelated note, if you happen to find a small brass key...
One of the many sports topics men loved to discuss at the mansion was basketball. Sadly, Seattle no longer had a basketball team, after their beloved Supersonics were moved to Oklahoma City...these days, Seattlites either talked about other basketball teams, or shunned basketball completely. Donkey Kong, Wario, and Shulk were having a basketball conversation in the lounge, with Shulk eating a sandwich.
"To me, the Rockets are a five seed tops," proclaimed Wario, extremely confident of his prediction. The fatso always believed that his sports predictions are always true, although he was wrong much of the time.
"I think they're going to the conference finals," stated Shulk; he has grown a lot in his basketball knowledge ever since Bowser misled him in the first few episodes of Smash Life.
"Ha! In their dreams...Rockets aren't that good, Harden is gonna have to carry the entire squad. I mean, who's the second option on that team?"
"CP3, great floor general and superb passer. Don't even get me started on..." Shulk suddenly bit his lip, wincing in pain.
Shulk: I bit my lip at breakfast this morning. *shakes his head* Now I have this big bump in my lip that hurts. I hate it.
"Meh, CP3 is injury-prone nowadays," replied Donkey Kong, as Shulk recovered from biting his bottom lip. "Anyway, I just don't see it. The Spurs are tough. The Pelicans are tough."
"Oh, the Pelicans are super tough..." said Wario, feeling a sudden need to laugh at the team name. A basketball team, called the Pelicans? Any non-sports person would laugh at that. "...the Kings are terrible. Always have been."
"Okay, you need to think about it before you come with the..." Shulk started, before biting his lip once more. The Homs pounded his fist on the sofa he was sitting on.
Shulk: Whatever. It's not a big deal. You know I always tell Riki, if this is the worst thing that's gonna happen...*bites his lip once more* ...you've GOT to be kidding me! *gets up, and storms out before seeing Fiora in the hallway* Fiora! That's it, I'm going to the dentist!
Ready to go for a walk outside, Makoto waited in the foyer, expecting Joker's arrival. As she waited, the brunette suddenly heard the mansion's house phone ring; she quickly ran over to answer the call.
"Smash Mansion, this is Makoto Niijima speaking," Makoto spoke into the phone, sounding very professional. That's how you oughta sound, when you aspire to become a policewoman.
"Makoto! It's me, Rayman," responded the person on the phone, Rayman, who was sounding very much afraid. "Help me! I need help right now."
"Rayman, what's wrong? What's the problem?"
" I'm hurt, I have hurt myself. Oh man!"
"Okay, wait, now's not the time to panic..."
" Ungh, this is not looking good Makoto!"
"Rayman, do you need me to call an ambulance?!"
"No, I want you to pick me up."
"What seems to be the problem?" asked Joker as he finally showed up in the foyer, hands in his pockets. Makoto was too focused to any pay attention to Joker.
"Wait a second, I thought you said that you were hurt," said Makoto, confused and overwhelmed by Rayman's problem.
"I am hurt, I hurt my foot," replied Rayman - where was Globox and Barbara, why couldn't they help Rayman and his ailment?
"Hand me the phone..." Joker said to an exasperated Makoto, resting his hand on the brunette's shoulder; Makoto handed the phone to Joker in a snap, and Joker placed the phone on speakerphone. "...hello, this is Joker, what's going on?"
"I want to come over to the mansion. But I need someone to come and pick me up. AW MAN, IT STINGS!"
"Take it easy...just calm down."
"SOMEONE PLEASE MAKE IT STOP!"
"It's..it's going to be okay. It's Joker. Just tell me what happened."
"I burned my foot very badly on my Foreman grill and I now need someone to come and bring me to the mansion. You know, for friendly support."
"You burned your foot on a Foreman grill...?"
Rayman: I enjoy having breakfast in bed. I like waking up to the smell of bacon, sue me. And since Globox is dumb, and Barbara can't be trusted, I have to cook bacon myself. So, most nights before I go to bed, I will lay six strips of bacon out on my George Foreman Grill. Then I go to sleep. When I wake up, I plug in the grill, I go back to sleep again. Then I wake up to the smell of crackling bacon. It is delicious, it's good for me. It's the perfect way to start the day. Today I got up, I stepped onto the grill and it clamped down on my foot...that's it. I don't see what's so hard to believe about that.
"Makoto, can you come get me?!" Rayman called out for the brunette; Makoto did have a driver's license, but did she have any mode of transportation?
"Uh, I have to stay here and...uh, answer the phone," Makoto replied quickly, refusing to leave the mansion for any means necessary.
"Okay, could someone else come and get me please?" Rayman was turning into quite a drama queen, as Rosalina and King K. Rool were in the foyer, listening to the ongoing conversation.
"Rayman, you should stay home and rest," suggested Rosalina; Rayman would refuse to do that, especially with Barbara and Globox around.
"There's no toilet paper here. Globox used it all up. Could someone...get somebody to bring toilet paper. Could you tell 'em that?"
"Can you hop your way over to the mansion?" asked Rool, leading Rayman to grunt heavily.
"I tried hopping, K. Rool, and I bumped my elbow against the wall and now my elbow has a protuberance. DOES ANYONE WANT TO PICK ME UP?!"
"Yo, what's going on, what's Rayman screaming about?" asked Sonic, as he entered the foyer after hearing Rayman's cries for help.
"Rayman isn't feeling well and he wants someone to bring him to the mansion," replied Makoto, as Rayman was heard sighing on the phone.
"I'm not sick, I'm burned!" the limbless hero corrected Makoto, wishing someone could just take him out of his misery. "I burned my foot!"
"Burnt foot?! Yikes, that's no laughing matter! I'm on my way, Rayman!" Sonic sped out of the mansion, zipping through the front door at the speed of sound.
"Hold up, was that Sonic just now? I don't want Sonic to pick me up."
"Rayman, why don't you get your girlfriend to take you to the mansion?" asked Makoto, asking the limbless hero a very triggering question.
"For the last time, Barbara is NOT my girlfriend. And she can't drive. For good reasons."
"But you said that you went out with her this weekend," stated Joker, mentioning something that many dudes would do with their girlfriends.
"It was all made up, to appease Master Hand. Just someone come, okay? Anyone. Anyone but Sonic."
Suddenly, a loud car crash was heard from outside. Joker and the others looked outside, through a window, and saw that Sonic had crashed his corvette (the one from episode 4).
"How did he hit that tree..." wondered Joker, as Sonic stepped out of his vehicle...and threw up all over his windshield. A pretty disgusting sight.
"Is he going to be okay?" wondered Makoto, as Sonic hopped back inside his corvette and drove off like it was nothing. As the hedgehog drove off, Makoto noticed something amiss. "Oh dear, he forgot his bumper!"
"Helllooooo, anyone there?" Rayman's voice was heard from the unattended phone, with everyone standing near the window. "Please don't send Sonic!"
Outside of the mansion, there was a radar gun, placed near the street and attached to a tripod. The radar gun was useful for measuring the speed of cars that passed by, and having a radar gun near the mansion meant that there was a lot of speeding cars within the vicinity. Mario, taking interest in this radar gun, brought a few select residents outside to see how fast they were.
Zelda: Master hand made several 911 calls about cars going too fast in front of the building, so the police put up a radar gun. It's actually caused a bit of a traffic hazard.
"Ha ha ha!" grinned Lloyd, as he ran past the radar gun with all his might. Celica was there to record the swordsman's speed on the radar gun.
"Wow, thirteen!" exclaimed Celica, as Lloyd raised his fist up high in the air in victory. "That's a new record!"
"No, no, no, I object," said Mario, refusing to believe that Lloyd was that fast. "There was wind-a involved."
"I was just jogging, Mario," Lloyd told the plumber, thinking Mario was just hating for no reason. "I could've sprinted if I wanted to, though."
"Lloyd, I'm-a sorry, but there was wind. I demand a do-over."
"No do-overs, Mario, it's not your turn," said Ike, as Mario stomped his foot on the ground angrily. "All right, thirteen is the new number. Gil, go ahead."
"I want-a another try. Here we go!" Brushing Gil to the side, Mario started running down the street, towards the radar gun. A car had zipped past by when Mario crossed the radar gun, as Mario looked at the radar. "Ha! Thirty-one!"
"There was a car," stated Little Mac, but that didn't stop Mario from celebrating like he was faster than Usain Bolt.
"I was ahead-a of the car. Thirty-one is my new-a number."
"Thirty-one is humanely impossible," stated Gil, who was patiently waiting for his turn to run past the radar gun.
"Gil, stop-a complaining and go already. Thirty-one's-a my number."
"That's impossible, even for a guy like you..."
"Beat it!" Gil needed some wind - or even a car - if he ever wanted to top Mario's score.
A phenomenon had struck the mansion, and it was one that many residents were mixed about. Chrom knew what this phenomenon was, frowning bitterly as he entered the mansion.
"You've got to be kidding me..." the prince sighed as he entered the mansion, walking past the Inklings...who were both T-posing in place. Dominance asserted.
Chrom: T-posing is a very stupid and dangerous trend. Basically, you just stand straight, with your arms straight to the side, in weird places. That's it. Sometimes you get run over. This is why I can never understand the Internet...
Female Inkling: T-posing is one of those things where, eh, you either get it or you don't...neither one of us has gotten it yet.
Male Inkling: But it's still pretty fun, so we're kinda excited regardless!
T-posing seemed to infect the mansion...both outside and inside. For instance, Dark Pit was trying to enter the hallway, but he couldn't for Bowser was T-posing in his way. Poor Dark Pit was being dominated, and he didn't even realize it.
"Move outta the way Bowser, I need to get through!" Dark Pit barked at the koopa king, who refused to move a single inch. Didn't even blink either. Dark Pit groaned, pulling on his hair, as Jakob - the would-be butler of the mansion - walked by.
"Seriously, T-posing in the hallway entrance?" sighed Jakob, as he came over to lend a helping hand to Dark Pit. "Let me help you move Bowser out of the way."
So Jakob and Dark Pit grabbed Bowser at his sides, and hoisted him over their shoulders, making sure that his spiky shell was pointed upwards. The two took Bowser to the living room, where Ness and Lucas were playing a board game...a few feet away from them was a pile of residents, all T-posing. Mostly male.
"Kids, don't try planking, it's dangerous," Jakob informed Ness and Lucas, as he and Dark Pit placed Bowser on the pile of T-posing residents. "Especially with me around." Jakob dusted his hands off as he and Dark Pit left the premises.
"Does he know yet that we're both teenagers?" Lucas asked Ness, who had to give his best friend a shrug.
At the Assist Tower, the assist characters were eating their dinner...and everything was silent. Everyone at their food, and not a single word was uttered. Why was it so darn quiet in the dining room, what was the cause?
Shovel Knight: *holds up a sign that reads, "We're on the longest silent streak in tower history! Nobody has said anything in..."* *puts sign down, then holds up another sign that reads, "14 minutes!"*
Despite the challenge to remain quiet, many of the assist characters had an itch to speak. Alucard was writing down notes, and passing them to Jeff. Waluigi saw a raccoon eating pizza outside, and was trying to describe it to the others through charades. Samurai Goroh took a bite of the chocolate cake he was eating for dessert...
"Oh yeah!" the samurai smiled to himself, as everyone groaned in unison. Samurai Goroh had broken the silent streak.
"I knew it! I knew it!" frowned Magnus, as he was pointing at Samurai Goroh. "Soon as he stuck his fork into that cake!"
"You really have to say 'oh yeah' every time you eat dessert?" Zero asked Samurai Goroh, who wasn't used to being frowned upon by many. Shouldn't have gotten that cake.
"I can't help it, Zero; it's just really good," shrugged Samurai Goroh, before taking yet another bite of his chocolate cake and smiling once more. "Oh yeah!"
"All right, not bad at all!" exclaimed Shovel Knight, easily impressed by the performance from everyone in the dining room. "I think we can beat 20 minutes though so let's try again. Get it all out now if you have to."
"It was a raccoon, eating a pizza like a person!" Waluigi expressed to the others, gleeful that he could vocally describe what he saw outside.
"You need to stop banging your pen on the table or it's going to drive me insane," Alucard informed Jeff, who stopped banging his pencil in an instant.
"Does anyone have a first aid kit?" asked Yuri, holding up a bloody hand. Everyone was too busy talking to even care.
"Check out this song I wrote," Knuckles said to the Squid Sisters, before clearing his throat as he was about to sing. "I'ma love you downstairs tonight..." Never have Marie and Callie roll their eyes so quickly before.
"All right, here we go!" announced Shovel Knight, as all the talking quickly came to an end. Shovel Knight looked at the clock on the wall, since he didn't have a watch. "Everybody get ready in three, two, good luck, one..."
A pregnant Peach and Mario were invited over to the mansion, to have lunch with the residents. Peach had been dealing with some stomach problems recently, and the fears over her stomach initially made her super reluctant to come over.
"You guys have probably noticed my stomach's a little more sensitive lately," Peach told everyone who was in the dining room, as she was eating from a sweet potato. Gotta play it safe. "So, if you wouldn't mind wearing a little less perfume...and if your lunch is especially pungent, maybe have it in the living room?"
"We would-a strongly appreciate it," added Mario, as the others were mindful of Peach's request. Sonic, who was sitting close to Mario and Peach eating a sauerkraut chili dog, found Peach's complications from being pregnant fascinating.
Sonic: Peach is constantly throwing up because of the pregnancy. If she eats something the fetus doesn't like she is screwed. It's amazing. A three ounce fetus is calling the shots. So cool!
"Aerith, could you please move away, just two or three chairs over?" Peach kindly asked the flower girl, being as sincere as possible. "You smell kinda perfumy today."
"This is starting to get a little ridiculous..." remarked Aerith, as she moved away from Peach. She would complain, but Aerith has never been the one to complain.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I missed the meeting where we all all voted for you to get pregnant," snarked Sonic; Mario didn't appreciate the hedgehog going in on his wife, and was ready throw some hands. " I reserve the right to eat my sauerkraut chili dogs however I please!"
"All morning I look forward to my afternoon cigars and I'm not stopping for anyone," affirmed Snake - did he not know that smoking wasn't allowed in the mansion?
Peach: I don't think I'm asking for too much. I guess it's just the end of courtesy in the mansion.
In an act of pure defiance, Sonic took a bite out of his sauerkraut chili dog, and looked at Peach as he chewed. Peach stared at Sonic, grabbed a trash can that she had near her seat just in case, and puked into it. Seeing Peach puke made Wolf and the others all sorts of nauseous.
Wolf: Watching people get sick always makes me sick. And... *pauses* ...frankly so does talking about it. So... *holds his chest* ...wow.
Unable to hold it in, Wolf started puking, throwing up on the floor. This started off a chain reaction - Isabelle, who was eating from a bowl of noodles, literally puked into her bowl. Aerith literally had to get up from her new seat and leave the dining room, so she could puke elsewhere. Snake puked on the nearest wall. Roy opened the backdoor, and puked outside on the grass. Palutena, who walked into the dining room and saw what had transpired, puked on the floor. Mario puked in Peach's trash can. The only ironman in the dining room was Akuma, who was eating from a plate of barbecue hot wings like a real G.
"Bunch of wimps..." the fighter scoffed, finishing off another hot wing as Snake puked next to him. Sonic looked mortified at what he just caused, as Peach wiped off her mouth with a satisfied look. Sonic got what he deserved.
Corrin was in the printing room, trying to learn how to operate the fax machine, when he saw a fax printed out from the fax machine. The prince saw that it was a fax...from himself. From the future.
"'Corrin, at 11 A.M. today, someone poisons the coffee,''" Corrin read the fax, like the gullible pig that he was. "'Do not drink the coffee. More instructions will follow. Cordially, Future Corrin.'"
Taking the information on the fax to heart, Corrin stepped out of the printing room...and gasped in horror, when he saw King Dedede walk by with a cup of coffee. To Corrin, Dedede was literally one sip away from death.
"No!" shouted Corrin, coming to the rescue as he ran towards King Dedede and knocked the coffee out of the penguin's hand. Dedede despondently looked at his spilled coffee on the floor, before glaring at Corrrin. "...you'll thank me later."
B.D. Joe: I don't have a ton of contact with the mansion, but a while ago, I received a fax machine. I was later told to prank Corrin, for whatever reason so, from time to time, I send Corrin faxes. From himself. From the future. How come I do this? Well, when the person who gave you the fax machine is named Master Hand...
Cortex was about to spend some downtime with Tiki today, and he needed to do something in order to demonstrate how important his time with Tiki was. The mad genius entered the gaming room, looking around, when he saw Sora chilling out by himself.
"Sora, can you please do me a solid?" Cortex approached the Keyblade wielder, who looked up at the N head. Sora was always down for helping anyone.
"Sure thing, Dr. Cortex!" grinned Sora; this was quite a historical moment for him, assisting a villain for the first time. "So what's up?"
"In two minutes I want you to come outside to the picnic table, where I'll be speaking with Tiki, and tell me I have a really important phone call. I'm not going to take it because I want Tiki to know how important the time I have with her is to me."
"How did Tiki all of people even agree to hang out with you...I-I mean, who's calling?"
"Nobody. Just say that I'm...just make it up that I have a phone call. And then I'm going to refuse to take it."
"You're not going to take it?" Seemed like a very risky move for Cortex to do.
"Just make up a phone call. It's not a real call. Make it up. And come and tell me. Doesn't matter what it is."
"You're not going to get it though?"
" I'm not going to take it. And then Tiki's going to be like 'whoa this Dr. Cortex guy really wants to be with me'."
"Uh huh, I kinda like where this is heading...I got you covered, Cortex!"
Cortex: Sora seems like a pretty nice guy - contrary to what Cloud thinks of him. What could possibly go wrong? *pauses* Might've jinxed myself...
Cortex was outside at the picnic table, hanging out with Tiki. This wasn't really a date - it was just a time for Cortex to know Tiki a little better.
"So Tiki, tell me the kinds of things you expect to find in a man," Cortex said to the manakete, interested in her response. Had a mental to-do list ready to go inside his head. "Take as long as you like!"
"Hmm, well the things I expect to find in a man, would be..." said Tiki, stroking her chin in thought. Right on time, Sora ran outside to the picnic table, to alert Cortex.
"Dr. Cortex, you have a very important phone call," the Keyblade wielder informed the mad genius, who was committed to his craft by not turning around.
"I'm sorry - I'm having a very important conversation," responded Cortex. So far so good... "It'll have to wait."
"Are you sure? It's really, really important." Sora was really committed as well, by stressing the importance of the call to a tee.
"There is nothing more important to me right now than this conversation. This is the farthest I've spoken with a woman, without getting slapped!"
"Really? Because your mother is dead."
With a serious announcement like that, things went from 0 to 100 real quick. Cortex's eyes widened, as he looked at Sora.
"Oh my goodness..." gasped Tiki, holding her hands close to her face. "...so sorry to hear that, Cortex..."
"I don't think she's dead," said Cortex, wishing that Sora had went with something other than a dead mom warning.
"She's dead; she was hit by a bus," affirmed Sora, stressing the importance of the matter. Probably a little too much...
"She's not dead! This is exactly the kind of thing my mom pulls."
"This isn't one of those times. It's the police. They said it's the worst they've ever seen." Soon Iggy entered the scene, holding the mansion's house phone.
"Cortex I'm really sorry about your mother, my deepest condolences..." the Kooapling sympathized for the mad genius, before handing him the house phone. "...also, you gotta take this call." Cortex begrudgingly took the phone form Iggy, glaring at Sora who flashed an innocent smile.
"Hello?" Cortex nervously spoke into the phone, nervous about who was on the other line.
"Yo, it's Rodin," the person on the phone answered, as Cortex gulped nervously. "Sora told me to pretend to be a cop and say your mom died."
"Oh, hi there officer! My mom died, you say? Oh dear!"
"Look man, this is a bad idea."
"Did she have any last words or...?"
"Really? That is messed up man."
"Oh, have a good time with Tiki, that must've been her last words."
"You're a bad man Dr. Neo Cortex..."
"That is so mom, I tell you what..."
"This stuff can come back to get you. It's called karma. You do not want to be messing around. I know a guy..."
"Alright thank you officer." Cortex ended the phone call and handed the house phone back to Iggy, who walked away. Cortex then glared at Sora once more, and Sora walked away out of fright. "Now I see why Cloud hates that boy..." With Sora gone, Cortex returned his attention to Tiki. "...so, where were we?"
Cortex: Lesson learned...never put your trust in anyone who beats up monsters with a giant key.
In the Star Records room, Fox was doing push-ups in front of the Star Records clients...and Doc Louis...and Big Top...with Falco keeping watch. Fox grunted and strained with every push-up he performed.
"Breathe, man, work your core!" encouraged Falco, as Fox was sweating buckets. He couldn't hold up much longer. "Come on!" Fox did his last push-up, and afterwards got back on his feet.
"How many did I do?" the pilot asked Falco, wiping the sweat off his face with the sleeve of his shirt.
"Not counting the last one, twenty-five."
"Count the last one. Leave nothing behind."
"Okay then...twenty-five and one girl push-up!"
"Aw yeah, new record!" Fox exchanged a high-five with Falco, before looking at his Star Records clients. Itsuki and Ayaha included. "What did you guys do today?"
"I finished some paperwork for the record label," replied Itsuki, knowing that deed wasn't anything worth bragging about.
"Oh, yeah, sitting on your big fat butt! Alright peeps, twenty-five is the number to beat."
"What do we get if we do 'em?" asked Mamori, rubbing her hands together in excitement.
"My respect." With a lousy reward like that, everyone was about to leave the Star Records room. "Fine, I'll make it a little more interesting. Anyone who does more than twenty-five push-ups..."
"...and one girl push-up..." added Falco, raising his finger so he could be recognized.
"...will receive a $100 gift card to a restaurant of their choosing."
The offer was enticing enough to make everyone stay, as everyone from Itsuki and Knuckles to Tsubasa and Little Mac got down on the floor. It was a competition to see who could get twenty-five push-ups the quickest.
"Ha ha! I say 'dance,' they say 'how high?'" smiled Fox, surprised that his gift card incentive worked, as he exchanged another high-five with Falco. He and Falco then walked around the Star Records room, to see how everyone was doing. He saw Ayaha doing push-ups, disgusted by her form. "Oh no...butt's too high. Disqualified!"
"Ow!" shouted Ayaha, as Fox stepped on her. "Not so hard!"
"What else do we have here?" Fox looked around the room, and saw Big Top, resting on the desk and smiling as well as he knew how. "Big Top, disqualified!"
"Aw, come on!" frowned Big Top - did the talking hat even know what was going on?
"...nineteen," grunted Itsuki, after doing his last push-up, as he hopped back on his feet. Many of the others had already called quits as well. "I should probably exercise more."
"Oh wow, look at that!" Fox pointed at Doc Louis, the only person still doing push-ups. Everyone was gathered around the boxing trainer, who was struggling yet determined to reach twenty-five push-ups...and one girl push-up.
"Ten...eleven..." Eleonora was counting the number of push-ups Doc Louis did. "Keep up the good work, Doc!"
"Doc, Doc, Doc, Doc, Doc, Doc!" everyone chanted Doc Louis' name; the only person not chanting was Fox, who was skeptical yet amazed at how well Doc Louis was doing. Lasted longer than his own protege, Little Mac.
Touma: Essentially, what we have here is one of those stories where a mother lifts a car to save her baby.
Fox: Well, it's not exactly fair. He's got all of his weight that's helping him go down.
"Twenty-five, oh yeah!" cheered Falco, after Doc Louis did his twenty-fifth push-up. The boxing trainer couldn't believe that he had made it this far without collapsing. "Come on, you can do it!"
"One more, one more!" Tsubasa rooted on for Doc Louis, who did his twenty-sixth and final push-up. Everyone cheered and applauded for Doc Louis...except for Fox, who was still feeling a bit skeptical.
"You okay, Doc Louis?" Yashiro asked the boxing trainer, who struggled to get back on his feet. Doc was tired and exhausted, and had waterfalls of sweat running down his face. "Can I get you a glass of water?"
"I'll just get it myself..." replied Doc Louis, as he left the room. Doc Louis now gained the respect of everyone in Star Records...and also gained a $100 gift card to a restaurant of his choosing. Fox better live up to his bargain.
Chef Kawasaki: At least every now and then, I like to bring in some of my Chef Kawasaki's Famous Chili. The denizens of the tower aren't really a huge fan of my chili, so I'm gonna see if any of the mansion residents think otherwise.
Chef Kawasaki walked to the front door of the mansion carrying his pot of chili, but couldn't get the front door open since his hands were full. Not feeling like putting the pot down, Chef Kawasaki looked around the mansion for another way in...miraculously finding the backdoor open.
Chef Kawasaki: The trick is to undercook the onions. Everybody is going to get to know each other in the pot. I'm serious about this stuff.
After entering the dining room through the backdoor, Chef Kawasaki took his pot of chili to the kitchen...and along the way, slipped and spilled the contents on the floor. The chef panicked, as he grabbed a few wash rags and tried to clean up his mess.
Chef Kawasaki: I'm up the night before, pressing garlic and dicing whole tomatoes. I toast my own chilies. It's a recipe passed down in Dream Land through generations. It's probably the thing I do best.
The one thing Chef Kawasaki couldn't do the best was cleaning up messes in the kitchen. The chef slipped on his own chili, landing back-first on the floor. Crash and Coco entered the kitchen, as the former bandicoot saw the chili wasted and licked it off the floor.
"This one's gonna be for the memories..." remarked Coco, taking out her cellphone and snapping a picture of a sad-looking Chef Kawasaki, as Crash was licking the chili off his face.
Master Hand and Isabelle were heading to Master Hand's room together, with Master Hand hovering through the air and Isabelle walking happily. For some odd reason, Master Hand had a coat with him...
"Coat!" the giant hand shouted as he threw his coat at Isabelle, right when the two arrived at Master Hand's room. Isabelle caught the coat, showing a great use of her hands.
Isabelle: Master Hand just rented The Devil Wears Prada. He set up his own Netflix account, and he watches the movie in pieces when things are boring at the mansion. He has become a big Meryl Streep fan, so I should expect to see him identifying with her character.
"Steak! Where's my steak?" cried Master Hand, sounding like a spoiled, unsatisfied youngster at a Chuck-E-Cheese birthday party. "You know what, screw that. Get me Armani, Isabelle."
"As in like, a suit?" questioned Isabelle, confused by Master Hand's odd request. "But you don't even wear any clothes, Master Hand!"
"No, you stupid dog, on the phone." Master Hand was really letting his inner Meryl Strep (...and maybe Eustance) shine.
" Like the main company number? Because I'm gonna have to call information."
"Where's Armani? He's on the phone. Too slow. You are not going to Paris. I'm so much better than you are." Seeing how flustered Isabelle was getting, Master Hand let out a hearty laugh. Isabelle smiled, sighing in relief. "I think I owe you an apology, Isabelle."
"I see that you've just finished the movie."
"Yeah, it was awesome! Big surprise ending. Won't ruin it for you."
"No. Go ahead. I don't really mind spoilers!" Isabelle must be the type of person who looked up Smash leaks online.
"Meryl Streep is the bad guy. Never see it coming. Anyways, if I was mean in any way to you, I am sorry. I just want what's best for you...Mo Chuisle."
Isabelle: Mo Chuisle...he's watching Million Dollar Baby. *pauses* He's gonna try to kill me!
On a cold, wintry afternoon, Cilan stood outside in front of the original twelve, all of whom were wearing Christmas sweaters. Cilan was to snap a group picture of the original twelve, with a camera Mario had given him.
"Got it!" confirmed Cilan, after snapping a photo of the original twelve. Just a normal group picture, with everyone smiling except for Samus.
"Okay let's go in, I'm freezing," the bounty hunter said as she was about to leave, only for Mario to grab her arm.
"Wait, nobody go just-a yet," Mario told everyone, as Samus groaned and returned to her original spot. "One fun-a one. We're gonna do a fun-a one."
"One Charlie's Angels, let's go," suggested Link - a very interesting suggestion by Link. Especially for a picture pertaining to Christmas.
"This is just a Christmas card from some useless peon..." Samus told Mario, as she really wanted to head back inside. "...no one's putting this on their fridge."
"Oh, I got it, you guys, how 'bout this?" said Yoshi, as he stepped out from the group to demonstrate how the picture should be set up. "What if all the boys are on one side, all the girls are on the other. The boys are like, 'Why I oughta', and the girls are like, 'Let's go shopping!'."
"That could work...if we had more than two females," Fox offered his two cents, as Yoshi held his head in sadness. "Let's just jump in the air!"
"That's-a it, that's the picture!" exclaimed Mario, excitedly pointing at Fox. "Yes! Jump-a in the air. We're gonna jump-a in the air. Here-a we go!"
"Whatever..." grumbled Samus, as everyone got themselves ready. Cilan was getting the camera ready for another photo.
"One, two, three!" shouted Cilan, as he snapped the photo. Everyone jumped, albeit at different times. " Not everyone jumped."
"Okay, everybody jump in the air this-a time, please?" Mario informed his fellow brawlers, hoping not to repeat that information again. "Here-a we go."
"One, two, three!" Cilan snapped another photo; everyone jumped this time, but Cilan thought it wasn't enough. "Uh oh, still some people not jumping."
"You gotta be kidding me...who isn't jumping?" frowned Link, ready to call some rounds.
"I'll tell you who," replied Ness, ready to rat some people out. "Donkey Kong, Captain Falcon, Kirby, Luigi...and Samus.
"I am jumping!" Captain Falcon frowned at Ness, standing up for himself. "Been jumping this whole time!"
"Let me see you jump." So Captain Falcon jumped for Ness...and it was barely a jump. What a shame. "Yikes...you do realize that camera was store-bought, right? Don't think the camera could capture that lousy jump."
"Guys, I'm freezing..." stated Samus, as she was shivering just a little. The Christmas sweater she was wearing obviously didn't provide enough insulation.
"Also, might I add, Jigglypuff is jumping way too early," Cilan pointed out; to be fair, Jigglypuff did have a strong penchant for jumping. "She's on the ground by 'three'."
"Jigglypuff Jigglypuff!" Jigglypuff frowned at Cilan - maybe the balloon Pokemon didn't want to miss the cue.
"Well, if we all jump really high, we'll be in the air longer," theorized Fox, stroking his chin in thought. "We should stick to that."
"Here's a question nobody's asking: Is this-a worth it?" asked Luigi, wanting the photo to be taken so he could return home.
"Don't-a answer that..." Mario sternly told his fellow brawlers, giving his brother a side-eye. " People, listen up and-a listen good. We need to just-a get one picture where we're all in-a the air at the same time. Why? Because I believe-a in us. We can do this. Here-a we go!"
"Okay, on three," said Cilan, as everyone got back into position. "everyone in the air. Three..." Some brawlers jumped. "...two..." Other brawlers jumped too. "...one..." A few others jumped as well. "...zero."
Unfortunately, the picture was ruined, as everyone jumped at different times. Everyone was frustrated, with the original twelve yelling at each other.
Mario: ...we didn't get it.
Refusing to work another day, let alone hour, at Pit's food truck, Meta Knight rummaged through Seattle, looking for someone to replace him. The Star Warrior eventually came across a Mexican neighborhood, full of...well, Mexican people. Meta Knight figured that he could have a Mexican replace him, since Pit wouldn't really notice the difference.
"Hola, hola, necesito une bueno worker," said Meta Knight as he approached a group of Mexican fellows, speaking with one another. A Mexican man walked by, giving Meta Knight a conspicuous look. "Tu esporte! Come on!"
Mexican Man: No vamos con ese hombre. He visto a varios hombres ir con ese hombre y no volver.
Son: We don't go with that man. I've seen several men go with that man and not come back.
Mexican Man: Hemos perdido amigos.
Son: We've lost friends.
Mexican Man: No sabemos qué hace con ellos.
Son: We don't know what he does with them.
Mexican Man: No quiero hablar más de eso.
Son: I don't want to talk about it anymore.
Meta Knight: I've been hearing stories about a masked fellow picking up day laborers and throwing them in the back of a van, and dropping them off in the middle of Spokane and telling them it's Canada. Everyone claims that it's me, but I'm no INS agent...
"Hola amigo," a man approached Meta Knight, friendly and courteous; unlike the other Mexican fellows, this man was a full-blooded white dude. What was he doing here in the neighborhood?
"Hola, tu es une buena worker?" asked Meta Knight, fearing that the man might not have a great grasp of the Spanish language. But he could replace Meta Knight, at the food truck - if Pit was stupid enough to not see it through. Kirby and Viridi, now that was a different story.
"Si, yo muy bueno worker"
"Y el accento, donde are you from?"
"Seattle, y before that, La Olympia."
"You speak English?" Like Meta Knight even had to ask that question.
"Yes, I'm really good at English."
"Okay, good. Me too, come with me. We've got a bunch of hungry customers to serve...do you like sushi rolls, sir?"
With Mario and Peach's first child due in a few weeks, Pit offered to help Mario prepare for the child's birth...by running a pregnancy simulation. Pit was walking around Mario's house, with a watermelon under his toga.
"Contractions are coming every two minutes," Pit informed Mario, who was in the living room playing cards with Heihachi, Chrom, and Layton.
"Okay, just remember to keep-a breathing," advised Mario, who was more focused on winning the card game than Pit's shenanigans.
"My cervix is ripening...I don't think I can hold it in much longer!"
"That's-a good." Nothing but pure regret was going on inside Mario's head.
Peach: I'm about to give birth soon, and Pit is apparently teaching Mario how to handle things when the baby is due. Kirby decided not to partake in this "simulation", for very understandable reasons.
"Mario, my water's breaking!" panicked Pit, as he pour some water from his toga into a bucket that was at this feet. Mario quickly got up. "What do you do?"
"I grab-a Peach and drive her to the hospital!" replied Mario, getting all serious for no reason. Layton and the others were unsure what to make of what was going on.
"Right. Highways or surface roads?"
"I take East-a Terrance Street unto Boren Avenue."
"No way, Boren Avenue is covered in potholes. Your car breaks down. Adapt!"
"Checked the route on-a my phone - there are no pot-a holes. Come on, get in here and-a have the baby."
"It's about adapting to the circumstances, man."
"...Layton, would you like-a to have my baby?" an annoyed Mario asked the detective, who wanted no part of the baby shenanigans.
"I would, but...I already have two children of my own," replied Layton. Suddenly Pit started screaming, in fake pain.
"I'm crowning! I'm crowning!" the angel shouted, holding his fake pregnant stomach. "Take me to the nursery!" So Mario took Pit to the nursery, where the angel lied down on a small table. "The pressure, the pressure!"
"Do it, just-a do it!" Mario encouraged Pit, realizing that some mistakes were made. "Scream! Scream it out, scream it out, scream-a it out..." Layton and the others gathered near the door, cringing at what they were seeing.
Pit: I think my knowledge of babies has grown a lot over time. Heck, I even performed my first circumcision, until those stupid doctors kicked me out of the emergency room.
"Just keep pushing..." encouraged Mario, as Pit was screaming just like any pregnant woman giving birth would.
"Hold me, hold my hand!" screamed Pit, as he held out his hand to Mario...who quickly slapped the hand away.
"I don't need-a to hold anything, I'm right-a here."
"Cradle my head! Can you at least do that?!"
" I'm right here, I'm right-a here."
"I'm screaming, I'm screaming, I'm screaming! Aaaaaaaa!"
"...aight Pit, just push-a and breathe. Please."
"Numb me up. I want anesthesia!"
"Shh. No, you can't have-a it. It's too late...I think."
"No! I don't want natural!"
"No. You have to just-a push it out! Keep simulating!"
"Do you have the Sharpie?!" Unsure what it was for, Mario pulled out a Sharpie pen from his pocket. "When the baby emerges, mark it secretly in a kind of a mark that only you could recognize and no baby snatcher can ever copy."
"Who would ever want-a to snatch a baby?"
"Are you ready Mario?" Mario was super confused - all he knew was that he had a Sharpie pen in his hand.
"Uh, yeah, I think I'm ready...aaaaaaaa! It's coming!"
Mario saw something come out from under Pit's toga, and that something was the watermelon, as Mario grabbed it. But it slipped out of his hands, and unto the floor and exploded into a gazillion watermelon pieces.
"Wow! What was-a on that?" asked Mario, bugged out by how stick his gloves were.
"Butter; newborns are slippery," said Pit, like he was stating a scientific fact.
Mario: *eating watermelon pieces*: It is going to be the happiest-a day of my life.
Disgusted with how the mansion looked from the inside, Master Hand called for a meeting with the residents in the meeting room, to discuss how the interior of the mansion could be improved. There was a television at the front of the meeting room, with the screensaver in the form of a bouncing cube on the black screen.
"And the same thing goes for the rugs in the living room - they are unwalkable," said Master Hand, as everyone was bored to death. Everyone was more interested in the bouncing cube anyways. "They're just rugs and boring and blech. So what I was thinking is that maybe we should have some sort of exotic fabric, like tiger skin." Everyone groaned...not at Master Hand's tiger skin idea, but at the fact that the bouncing cube didn't hit the corner of the television screen. "Doesn't have to be tiger skin. Use your imagination..."
Cloud: There's this cube on the screen, and it bounces around, and sometimes it looks like it's heading right into the corner of the screen, and at the last minute it hits a wall and bounces away. And everyone is just dying to see it go right into the corner. Aerith claims that she saw it one day when she was alone in the meeting room. Okay. I believe she thinks she saw it.
Aerith: I saw it. I saw it, and it was amazing! Who said I didn't see it? Did Link say that I didn't see it? I saw it!
"We have a lot of colored wallpaper...why oh why do we insist on having plain-looking walls?" questioned Master Hand, as the bouncing cube hit the side of the television screen, leading everyone to grunt loudly.
"Dah! Come on!" frowned Fox, raging like he single-handedly cost his team a victory in Splatoon.
"Yeah! I know. I know. It's bland. We should feel ashamed for ourselves."
"It's never going to happen..." said a cynical Berkut, as he was looking closely at the bouncing cube on the television screen.
"But Berkut, you got to believe!" a more optimistic Alm told the paladin, who gave the king a slight glare.
"Maybe, we could have some sort of riddle?" proposed Master Hand, having no clue that literally nobody was paying attention to him.
"Wait for it...it's gonna hit it really soon," Cloud whispered to Aerith, leaning in close to the flower girl.
"Like, something that you have to look for. Sort of a 'Where's Waldo'." Suddenly the bouncing cube finally hit the corner of the television screen, and everyone celebrated with very loud cheers.
"Yes, yes, yes!" exclaimed the male Inkling, channeling his inner Daniel Bryan. Everyone got up out of their seats, and filed out of the meeting room.
"Alright. Looks like everyone knows what to do. Let's quit while we're ahead!"
"That was so awesome!" Lloyd smiled at Master Hand as he left the room, unintentionally fueling the giant hand's ego.
"That was indeed awesome, Lloyd. Thank you as always, for the kind words."
Cloud was vacationing with the other residents in Orlando (sans Sonic and Bowser) and the swordsman that morning was in his hotel room which, for some strange reason, was extremely trashed. Cloud was speaking on the cellphone, with Tifa.
"Yeah, I had a pretty bad dream, and it woke me up from my nap," Cloud spoke with Tifa, standing near his closet. "I honestly didn't know what to do with myself, and then I thought of something...hold up, I hear the doorknob, I'll call you back."
Hanging up the phone, Cloud stuck his cellular device back in his pocket, and hid in the closet. Link came inside the room, accompanied by Zelda.
"Wakey wakey, ya sleepyhead!" the Hylian shouted as he and Zelda stepped inside the trashed room. He looked around, feeling concerned. "What the...oh man."
"What do you think happened?" asked Zelda, as she saw the furniture all messed up and a whole bunch of crap on the floor.
"Looks like Jim got mixed up with some bad apples." Link looked at the closet door, frowning when he saw the message "IT WAS LINK" written on it in lipstick. "Oh no, it wasn't me. We should go tell Master Hand about this."
Before Link and Zelda could even leave, Cloud came falling out of the closet, landing on the floor like he was a victim in a murder scene. Link and Zelda both screamed in fright.
It was a fine, normal morning at the Smash Mansion, with everyone in the dining room enjoying breakfast. The new residents of the mansion - Simon, Richter, and Dark Samus - were eating their breakfast peacefully...with the exception of Dark Samus who obviously couldn't consume food. While everyone ate, Bowser got up from his seat and left the premises.
Bowser: Last week I gave a fire safety talk, which was mostly catered towards the new guys. And nobody paid any attention! It's my own fault for using PowerPoint. PowerPoint is boring. People learn in a lot of different ways, but experience is the best teacher. *lights a cigarette* Today, smoking is gonna save lives. *throws cigarette unto the floor, near the dining room doors*
After starting the fire, Bowser returned to the dining room, like everything was fine and peachy. The koopa king looked around, to see how observant his fellow residents were.
"Does anyone smell anything smoky?" asked Bowser, sniffing the air to make sure smoke was coming into the dining room.
"Pit, did you burn your waffles again?" Viridi asked her boyfriend, who shook his head no. Aerith looked over, and saw smoke coming from underneath the dining room door.
"Oh my goodness, there's smoke!" the flower girl panicked, bringing everyone's attention to the dining room door.
"Woah, fire!" panicked Falco, as everyone hopped up out of their chairs. The third fire drill at the mansion had just started.
"Oh, fire! Oh my goodness!" exclaimed Bowser with faux worry, as the residents started to panic. "What's the procedure? What do we do, people?
"The backdoor is jammed shut!" said the female Inkling, after she tried to open the backdoor.
"Oh, how did that happen? Whatever shall we do?"
"The fire must be coming from the kitchen!" assumed King K. Rool, as he was helping Fiora break down the backdoor.
"No, we don't know that. The smoke could be coming through an air duct."
"Oh no, not today!" frowned Chrom; this was almost like deja vu to him, and many, many others. "Okay, it happening. Everybody stay calm!"
"What's the procedure, everyone? What's the procedure?" There wasn't any procedure; everyone was running about, screaming their tails off.
"Everyone, please calm down! All this screaming isn't gonna solve anything!"
"No! No, Chrom! No! Touch the handle. If it's hot, there could be a fire in the kitchen."
"What does warm mean?" asked Chrom, as he touched the handle of one of the dining room doors. The one that led to the kitchen.
"Not a viable option. Try a different door. Check that one out, on the other side! How's the handle?"
"It's super hot!" confirmed Richter, after touching the door handle; Bowser must've held a fire to that handle or something.
"Oh no, I don't see my glasses anywhere!" panicked Ema, looking around frantically for her glasses.
"Things can be replaced, Miss Skye!" frowned Bowser, disgusted by the forensic expert's priorities during the fire drill. "People, human lives, however, can..."
"Guys, we're all trapped!" shouted Mr. Game and Watch, interrupting Bowser as chaos in the dining room was at an all-time high. "Every man for himself!"
"Calm down, I beg of you!" pleaded Bowser, as everyone was looking for a way out of the dining room. "Have you ever seen a burn victim?"
"Out of my way!" Simon shouted at Yoshi, pushing the dinosaur to the side as he tried to break the dining room windows open with his axe. For some reason, the windows didn't even break.
"Okay! Procedure, procedure. Exit options. Where do we go folks? What do you use to cover your mouth? A rag. A damp rag, perhaps. Let's remember those procedures. What are the options? Okay, that's the wrong way. We've already tried that. Remember your exit points. Exit points people."
"Roy, take us with you!" Kumatora pleaded to the swordsman, who was trying to escape through an open ceiling vent. Roy looked out of the vent and saw Kumatora, holding Boney in his arms. She was trying to escape with Lucas' dog...
"Stay alive, I'm getting help!" replied Roy, before pulling his head back inside the ceiling vent.
"Save Boney!" Kumatora tossed Boney up into the ceiling vent...only for Roy to throw the brown dog back down, unto the dining room table. Kumatora screamed, as she ran over to check on Boney.
"How about 911? Anyone? 911?" inquired Bowser, as Simon was now using dining room chairs to break open the windows. The Duck Hunt Dog grabbed the vampire hunter's axe, and used it to open the pantry door and steal food items from the pantry.
"What do we do?" fretted Kiria, feeling exasperated with her hands on her hand.
"Use the surge of fear and adrenaline to sharpen your decision-making!" Wanting to up the ante, Bowser smiled deviously as he took out some firecrackers, lit them up, and dropped them on the floor, as they started popping.
"The fire's shooting at us again!" screamed Corrin, as he fainted unto the floor. Kamui was there to catch her twin brother.
"What in the name of Masahiro Sakurai is going on in there?!" Master Hand boomed from outside the dining room, too fearful to investigate. Roy's legs suddenly crashed through the ceiling, leading several folk to scream out of fright.
"Help! Help!" Simon, having finally broken a window, yelled outside through the window, calling for help.
Suddenly a loud air horn sound was heard, as everyone looked at Bowser. The koopa king stood on the dining room table, with an air horn in hand.
"Attention everyone! Residents of the Smash Mansion!" shouted Bowser, as everyone started to calm down. "This has been a test of our emergency preparedness. There is no fire. It was only a simulation."
"What, are you freaking kidding us right now?" frowned Volnutt - if only he was there for the previous two fire drills. He'd be even angrier.
"Fire not real. This was merely a training exercise." Roy dropped down from the ceiling. "So, what have we learned?" Bayonetta suddenly fell to the floor - very likely she inhaled too much smoke. "Oh come on. It's not real Bayonetta. Don't have a heart attack, or anything like that."
"Heart attack?!" boomed Master Hand, as Leia came over to inspect Bayonetta. Master Hand finally appeared in the dining room, to check upon Bayonetta, as he shoved Leia to the side. "No! You will not die! Bayonetta, you will not die! Lima won EVO 2018! He mains you in Smash, Bayonetta! Leia, give Bayonetta mouth to mouth!"
"I don't think that would be necessary..." responded Leia, who assumed that Bayonetta likely fainted from having to deal with the chaos of another fire drill.
"She's going to swallow is tongue. I just know it! Open your mouth, Bayonetta. Come on! Don't swallow it!"
"Master Hand, what are you doing?!" Very distressed, Master Hand tried to open Bayonetta's mouth...by squeezing the Umbra Witch's neck with his two fingers. "You're practically choking her!"
"No, I'm saving her! Leave me alone, you fake nurse, I got it all under control!"
(...and so ends the videos.)
Having watched the last video, the cloaked man took out a flash drive, and uploaded the videos he watched into said flash drive. By the time he was done with the deed, he heard someone twist on the doorknob.
"Hey, who locked the door?" the person behind the door wondered, as the cloaked man got up from the chair and unlocked the door, before hiding in the darkened part of the room. Soon the door opened, and in came the producers of Smash Life...LeVar and Brad.
"That was weird, thought we left this door open when we left," remarked LeVar, as the cloaked man quickly escaped from the room while he could. LeVar looked at the laptop, furrowing his brow. "Did...did someone use my laptop while we were gone?"
"Betcha it was Wario...messing with our stuff and making sure we only had good footage of him on the hard drive," replied Brad as LeVar sat in the desk chair, surprised at how warm it felt.
LeVar: Every now and then, we send a few of our interns to shoot some film for us, before or after we shoot an episode. Just a little test to see how capable our interns are... *smirks* ...not like anyone will use their footage against the residents or anything. Like that'll ever happen...
The cloaked man left the mansion with his hard drive, when he found an opportune moment to escape without being caught. Upon leaving the mansion, he walked away from the front yard of the mansion, when he looked back and saw Tom Nook getting thrown out of the mansion by Master Hand, along with his belongings.
"You think you could fool me, Tom Nook?" scoffed Master Hand, as Tom Nook stood up off the ground. "You sociopathic leech! Have you no shame?"
"But Master Hand, I was there in the Underworld when I bested both Andross and Pandora!" Tom Nook pleaded his case to Master Hand, who felt like he was played with in the biggest way. "Did you not see the pictures?"
"The pictures Impa told me were photoshopped?! Yeah, Impa told me the whole story - how you came to the Underworld, and did nothing the whole time! How could you lie to me like that?"
"I didn't mean to lie to you - I just wanted me, Timmy, and Tommy back in the mansion! Granted I didn't really do anything to deserve reinstatement, but..."
"Not only that, but you were hanging around in the basement of the tower during your ban! When you're banned from the mansion, you're banned from the tower too! End of story!"
"Look man, I'm sorry, I thought I could find a way around the ban...what about Timmy and Tommy, can you at least give them back to me?"
"No, Tom, you don't deserve those two. Until you learn your lesson of leeching off of someone's actions, I'm banning you from the mansion indefinitely...again! And I better not see you snooping around the tower, either...capiche?"
Having been banned from the mansion once again (that must be a new record), Tom Nook sighed as he walked away, taking his belongings with him. The cloaked man walked away too...
...and soon arrived at an open field. Realizing that he was alone, the man dug into his pocket, and pulled out his phone to call someone. As the dial tone sounded, the cloaked man took off his hood...revealing himself as demon hunter vigilante Dante.
"Hello?" greeted the person on the phone, as Dante grinned. "Who's this?"
"Hey, it's me, Dante," Dante spoke into the phone, as he walked around. "I went to the mansion, just like you asked."
"Awesome! So, what did you find? Did you learn anything? See anything useful?"
"Well I did get some footage from that documentary series, from a laptop I found. Put it all on the flash drive."
"That's great! We're all gonna see it later, right?"
"Of course, of course...got some of the best footage I could find. Think you're gonna like it."
"Can't wait to see it! We'll see you at the manor soon. Have a safe ride back home!"
"Like you even had to tell me that...heh. See ya later, Nathan." And with that, Dante ended the phone call.
What on earth was that demon-hunting vigilante (and most interestingly, Nathan) up to?