Episode 244: Harmonize
The minions from Cortex's Castle - Ripper Roo, Koala Kong, Pinstripe Potoroo the Komodo Bros, Tiny, N. Gin - all proved their worth to Cortex, when they helped the evil genius film some TV advertisements for his campaign. One would think that the minions would head back home once filming was over, right? That wouldn't be the case...
Cortex's minions would remain at the mansion, as Cortex still had some use for them after his TV advertisements were all filmed. One of Cortex's minions, Pinstripe Potoroo, was watching one of Cortex's advertisements on his phone in the ballroom.
"My name is Dr. Neo Cortex, and I am running for Man of the Mansion, at the Smash Mansion!" Cortex said as he pointed at the screen, dressed up as Uncle Sam with an American flag waving behind him while Hulk Hogan's theme song played. Pinstripe couldn't help but laugh at the advertisement, as he shook his head.
"Probably the biggest pile of crap Cortex ever made..." the potoroo snorted, still laughing his butt off as he looked towards Cortex. "...Cortex, you look like a fool!"
"Not now, Pinstripe, I'm too busy admiring my grandeur..." said a smiling Cortex, as he was smiling profusely...smiling at a paper-mache bust crafted in his likeness. The bust, which was many feet tall and made with toilet paper, was colored gold, which Cortex deemed fitting. And not because of his yellow skin.
"So that's where most-a of Luigi's toilet paper went..." remarked Mario as he stood next to Cortex, taking a sip from his cup of coffee as he checked out Cortex's paper-mache bust. "...and here I thought-a you were uglier in person!"
"You want to say that again?!" Cortex held out his ray gun at Mario, pointing it directly at the plumber's head. Mario knew that Cortex wouldn't outright harm him, but he didn't wish to take any chances.
"What I meant-a to say was...that paper-mache bust is just-a as attractive as you are!" Frowning at Mario, Cortex slowly removed his ray gun away from Mario's head, before putting it back in his lab coat pocket.
Cortex: With only three candidates left - and yours truly being one of those remaining candidates - we're getting down to the wire. This is the phase where I completely go all out, and really show the residents that I mean business! Anyone who still has the audacity to doubt me after today shall taste my fury...once I become the man of the mansion, of course!
Toon Link: We have more than enough evidence that Dr. Cortex is a drug dealer. All the proof that we needed was in the lame TV advertisements that Cortex filmed.
Young Link: Starsky and I sent the TV advertisements to the Seattle police department, making an argument that Cortex was a drug dealer addicted to drugs...and the police department called us "crazy". No wonder people want to defund them...
Toon Link: Leave it alone, Hutch - their denial is only enabling Cortex to get away with being a drug dealer. That's why they haven't arrested him yet, because they know what he does. They're not real police officers, like us. But today, Cortex is gonna get what's coming to him!
"Dr. Cortex, I have some great news..." Brio said to the evil genius as he stepped inside the ballroom, holding several sheets of paper in his hands. "...remember that speech I promised I would work on?"
"Oh yes, my speech, how could I forget!" exclaimed Cortex, turning around to face Brio as Pinstripe rolled his eyes. "So what is this good news? Spit it out!"
"It is finally complete - the speech is finished!" Brio handed the sheets of paper to Cortex, who giddily accepted them like a child taking a lollipop at the candy store. Cortex smelt the paper, as he inhaled and then exhaled.
"I should-a be going..." said Mario, unnerved by how weird Cortex was acting as the plumber high-tailed out of the ballroom. Pinstripe saw Mario running away, snickering to himself.
"Brio, I simply cannot thank you enough!" Cortex said to the evil madman, before embracing him in a hug as Pinstripe rolled his eyes once more. "With this, I will deliver a rousing speech that will no doubt make every resident on my side!"
"Absolutely, Dr. Cortex - it will be one for the ages, I'm sure!" agreed Brio as he nodded his head, dying to see how the residents would react to the speech. "I can guarantee you, once that speech is read, everyone will be on the hype train!"
"Heh, hype train...in your wildest dreams..." snorted Pinstripe as he resumed watching the TV advertisement on his cellphone - only to laugh a few seconds later. "...where in the heck did those hot babes come from?"
For about two weeks, Berkut was debating having some couples counseling with Rinea. The paladin, who was forced to stay with Mario after his ugly spat with Rinea, had been using his time to mull over his decision. He even discussed the couples counseling with Sonic, and Rinea would do the same with Mitsuru.
But now, Berkut had finally made his mind up...he was going to do couples counseling, so that he and Rinea could get back on the same page again. The paladin would visit Luigi, informing the plumber about his decision.
"So you want to do a little couples-a counseling, don't ya?" Luigi smirked at Berkut, as he was cradling Deanna in the living room. Due to last episode's events, Luigi was instructed by Daisy - or in this case, forced against his own will - to hold Deanna at all times.
"I thought about it, and I think I'm up for it," replied Berkut, hoping that the couples counseling session would turn out well. "If it means that Rinea and I can reconcile..."
"Funny thing is, Rinea was talking about-a having some couples counseling, too! She's been-a talking about it with-a me and Daisy, in private. Maybe I shouldn't have-a mentioned that.."
Wolf: So, Berkut and Rinea want to do some couples counseling, huh? I'll give 'em some couples counseling, alright...both of them have a weakness, and I'll do all that I can do to exploit it! It's gonna be like taking candy from a baby, and then chewing up the candy and spitting it right into the baby's face. And I'm gonna enjoy every single second of it!
"I should give-a Wolf the heads up about this," Luigi said as he went over to the house phone, as Berkut's eyes suddenly went wide. "He should get in-a on the..."
"No, that would be a bad idea," stated Berkut, grabbing Luigi's hand as he reached the phone before the green plumber could. "I want people who have had actual relationships at couples counseling, not some wannabe matchmaker."
"Oh, okay, I figured-a you would say that! So who should-a I invite? Alm and Celica?" Having Alm and Celica at couples counseling - but especially Alm - would make for a very horrible experience for Berkut.
"Absolutely not, those two already know what I'm all about...I'm going to need some outsiders. And I think I know just where to find them..."
There was a major problem going on at the Smash Mansion, as the elevators in the building were all malfunctioning at the same time. The issue arose on Wednesday, when a few residents found themselves trapped inside an unworking elevator. While said residents were freed from their claustrophobic prison, the elevator for whatever reason ceased to stop working...and the same thing would happen to all the elevators in the mansion immediately afterwards.
X and .EXE were working together to fix the problem, so that the residents would no longer have to use the stairs. The two robots were fixing the elevator on the first floor, with Link and Cloud watching their progress.
"Any idea as to what caused the elevators to shut down so suddenly?" Link asked X and .EXE, working hard on the elevator as they used their advanced tools.
"So far, the only theory we have is that there's some kind of power failure," assumed X, as Berkut crept into the hallway, making his way towards X and company. "Either that, or the machinery needs some maintenance."
"I don't understand, I keep up with the elevator maintenance every other week," frowned .EXE, scratching his head in confusion as Berkut drew even closer. "This definitely has to be some kind of power failure..."
"Weird, because if that was the case, then all the power in the mansion would be out," said Cloud, before looking behind him...and seeing Berkut standing right behind him. A little too close for comfort. The swordsman took a few steps back, only slightly scared.
"Link, Cloud, I need you for a...an awakening," Berkut said to the swordsmen, hoping that they would accept his plea. The way the paladin worded things only made Link and Cloud skeptical. "Rinea and I decided to undergo some couples counseling, and I was wondering if...
"No thanks, I'm good." Quick to turn down Berkut's offer, Cloud walked away. "Link's got you covered, just leave me out of this..."
"Hold that thought for a moment, Berkut," Link said to the paladin, before chasing after Cloud and eventually catching up with the swordsman. "Cloud, what are you doing man?"
"I know what Berkut wants, he just wants some stupid romantic advice. That's something I'm not interested in. Just because I hung out a lot with Aerith, doesn't mean..."
"Well if you ask me, Berkut sounds pretty desperate. Don't you know what happened between him and Rinea? They can't even live under the same roof together!"
"It's up to them to resolve their own little personal issue. I want no part of it." Cloud was about to keep on walking, only for Link to grab his shoulder.
"Think about it...if you just do this now and get it over with, Berkut won't bother you about any 'relationship advice' ever again!" Cloud took but a few seconds to consider Link's point, before sighing as he made up his mind.
"I really don't want to go through with it...but I guess I have no other choice." Cloud and Link walked back to Berkut, ready to inform the paladin about their decision. "So you want to do some couples counseling, right Berkut? Link and I are in."
"Splendid! I'll be asking a few others if they wish to participate as well," said Berkut, as Cloud lowkey let out an annoyed grumble. Having some extra company was something that the swordsman was not looking forward to. "Could afford to use everyone's opinions."
"You have to admit, this would be a very good look for us both," Link whispered to Cloud, who was showing some signs of second regrets. But the swordsman was locked into his decision; there was no turning back.
Wolf: …what's that? Berkut doesn't even want me at couples counseling? Well two can play at that game...I'll hijack Berkut's couples counseling meeting, and turn it into an absolute trainwreck. He's gonna wish he sought me for advice! *laughs*
With some help from Villager and his Pocket ability, Cortex placed his paper-mache statue outside the mansion, at the very front of the establishment. Tiny and Koala Kong were put in charge of moving the statue, putting it in the perfect spot.
"Dr. Cortex, what on earth is that?" Tom Nook asked the evil genius, as he and Isabelle showed up at the front yard. Cortex was beaming with pride, marvelling at his bust.
"Oh, just a paper-mache bust that I've been working on," replied Cortex, as Tiny and Koala Kong placed the paper-mache bust near the porch. "Very good work, you two!"
"I'm sorry, Dr. Cortex, but what you are doing is against the mansion rules," Isabelle said to the evil genius, who gave the shih tzu a shocked face. "You can't place statues at the mansion's front without Master Hand's permission."
"First off, this is a bust, not a statue. Big difference. Secondly, there's no Master Hand, which means I don't need any permission! What are you going to do, call Master Hand?"
"You know what, that's not a bad idea..." responded Tom Nook as he took out his phone, as Cortex became nervous. Cortex didn't expect Tom Nook to pull off such a move. "...Master Hand shouldn't be too busy at the moment."
"Tiny, quick, snatch that phone from Tom Nook!" ordered Cortex, as Tiny leaped into action and snatched the phone away from Tom Nook. The tiger then tossed the phone into the lake, before he proceeded to taunt Tom Nook.
"Seriously, Cortex? That phone was my only communication device to reach Master Hand!"
"And now you can use a regular phone, just like all the other people in the mansion! So much for you wanting to feel all special..."
"Ooh...this is your first strike, Dr. Cortex. Two more strikes, and you can kiss your chance at being the man of the mansion goodbye!"
"First strike? For what? You losing your cellphone, or Tiny taunting you?" Tiny was still taunting Tom Nook, even though the tanooki was barely paying any attention. "Tiny, cut that out!"
"Don't waste your opportunity, doctor..." Tom Nook had this to say to Cortex, as he and Isabelle walked away. Still confused, Cortex would chase after the search committee.
"Wait, I don't understand, what was that first strike for? Don't leave an honest man hanging!"
"Tiny wants cheeseburger...you in?" Tiny asked Koala Kong, who giddy nodded while licking his lips and rubbing his stomach.
Fox and Krystal did couple's counseling once, and it led to some fairly mixed results. Fox was too afraid to share his feelings with Krystal, and had a panic attack the week afterwards. But now, Fox was a confident husband, and a father-to-be. Compared to the last time, Fox was going to knock this couple's counseling out of the park.
Fox and Krystal were invited to attend couple's counseling by Luigi, who wanted Berkut and Rinea to hear as many perspectives as possible. Luigi also believed that hearing advice from a fellow married couple could go a long way for Berkut and Rinea, and Fox and Krystal was the one couple the plumber strongly had in mind.
"Yo, my favorite couple!" Falco called out to Fox and Krystal, whom he saw in the hallway. "Where are you guys headed?"
"We're going to a couple's counseling session," replied Krystal, as Falco gasped out of shock and immediately feared for the worst. "No, not for us...for Berkut and Rinea."
"I was about to say...heh, no surprise about those two. I can't for the life of me see how they can even coexist with one another."
Falco: I kinda wanna be a part of couple's counseling, but honestly it's no biggie. And as much as I would love to help Berkut settle his differences with Rinea, I think that it wouldn't be the best move. Let it be known that you should never help out homies, they never do crap for you. You could buy them a house, but they won't give you their car. You could give them some money, and they won't have it in them to buy you a Big Mac from McDonalds. You could even help them set up a blind date, yet they won't let you be the third wheel. That's why the phrase "homies over hoes" is just a myth, and only weak-minded men believe in it.
The buddy cops were outside, taking a gander at Cortex's paper-mache bust. The longer the two stared at the bust, the more suspicious they grew.
"This must be where Cortex hides all of his drugs," assumed Toon Link, as he and Young LInk pulled out their Master Swords. "Shall we get to cutting, Hutch?"
"You betcha!" replied Young Link, as he and Toon Link started slashing away at Cortex's paper-mache bust with their swords. They kept doing so, as pieces of toilet paper came floating out from the bust.
"Stop for a second, Hutch..." Toon Link stopped slashing on the paper-mache bust, as one of the pieces of toilet paper flew down on Toon Link's open hand. Toon Link stared at the piece of toilet paper, feeling very skeptical about it.
"What does it look like, Starsky?" Young Link leaned in close to Toon Link, looking over the Hylian's shoulder as he stared at the piece of toilet paper.
"This is either a piece of toilet paper...or it's a piece of rolling paper used for cigarettes!" This caused Young Link to gasp, as the shocked Hylain had his hands on his face.
"A paper-mache creation made out of rolling paper?! Cortex is literally putting his drug-dealing ways on full display! How is he getting away with it?"
"The heck are you boys crying about this time?" inquired Snake as he came over to the buddy cops, against his own bitter judgement. Toon Link grabbed Snake's head and brought the former spy close to him.
"Snake, does this smell like rolling paper to you?" Toon Link asked the former spy, bringing the piece of toilet paper close to Snake's nose. Because he had no choice in the matter, Snake smelt the toilet paper.
"I can't tell...smells like regular toilet paper to me. Only way you can actually smell rolling paper is if you set it on fire..."
"Good thinking." Toon Link took out a lighter, and used it to light the piece of toilet paper on fire. The fact that Toon Link had a readily-accessible lighter on him frightened Snake.
Snake: They say that youngsters can't be trusted with lighters...Toon Link is living proof why that statement is true, in every sense of the word. Only a matter of time until he beats Bowser to the punch and burns the mansion down.
"Try smelling it now," Toon Link said to Snake, handing the burning piece of toilet paper to the former spy. Snake, very reluctantly, smelt the toilet paper.
"Now it just smells like burning toilet paper," said Snake, watching as the toilet paper burned away in the palm of his hand. "Don't know where you boys are getting this rolling paper drivel from."
"Snake's nose must be stopped up," Young Link said to Toon Link, making excuses - one of the things the buddy cops did best. "His nasal passages probably aren't working right now."
"You might be right - a stuffy nose ain't nothin' to mess around with," agreed Toon Link, before picking up several pieces of toilet paper off the ground and stuffing them into his pockets. "Our best option right now is to show this to our trusty forensics expert. Or Ema Skye."
"Villager or Ema Skye...I'd say we go with Ema Skye." So the buddy cops ran inside the mansion, as Snake looked at Cortex's paper-mache bust. Much of the bust's facial features remained, as Cortex's face was still discernible.
"It's about time I let Cortex know how I feel about him, hehe..." Snake grinned deviously as he looked around to see if anyone was looking...before peeing on the paper-mache bust. Way to send a message, without letting anyone know.
Couples counseling was set to begin, as many couples were gathered together in one room. Fox and Krystal, Link and Zelda, Sonic and Amy...all of them were present. Even Cloud, who many believed was in a relationship with Aerith, was also there. And Rinea, too.
"How is Banjo handling himself?" Krystal asked Fox; Fox seemed to have forgotten all about the Banjo, as he struggled to come up with a response. "Heard that you accidentally tranquilized him during a hunting trip."
"Uh, he's hanging in there, taking it easy," replied Fox, hoping that his answer would appease Krystal - for he had nothing else to say after that. "He's gonna pull through, I just know it."
"Good grief Fox, you're acting like Banjo got hit by a train or something!" Sonic said to the pilot, as he overheard the conversation. "You sure love dramatics!"
"Quit hijacking my conversation! Why don't you have a conversation with your own woman, and leave me alone?"
"Drama queen..." Sonic snorted at Fox, shaking his head as he laughed. "...I tell ya Amy, this whole Krystal being pregnant situation is gonna make Fox lose it."
"How exactly is Krystal being pregnant a situation?" Amy asked Sonic, wondering where her boyfriend's rationale came from. "Expecting a baby should be a good thing."
"It's a situation when a bad result is on the horizon. If Fox is acting like such a drama queen now, imagine how he'll act after the baby's born!"
Fox: I'm not turning into a drama queen, Sonic is just making up lies. The only time I was acting like a drama queen was when Krystal and I had our little spat last January. We were both immature; I was moving too fast, Krystal was moving too slow. But we're both at the same speed now. Speed...love is all about speed. Keanu Reeves was on to something.
Sonic: Man, I don't know if I will ever have a baby. I've seen so many dudes change their tune real quick after having their first kid. You have a guy, who's acting mean and nasty, has no disregard for humanity...and then his wife has a baby, and all of a sudden he wants to be a nice guy? That doesn't make him a father...that makes him a SELL OUT!
"Hello everyone, sorry we were late," Luigi said to those inside the room, entering with Berkut. Berkut would walk through the room, to where Rinea was sitting.
"Hi Berkut, been a while since we last saw each other," Rinea smiled at her husband, who just nodded his head as he took a seat next to Rinea. At least he acknowledged his wife's presence.
"So, as you know, we are here-a for some couples counseling. I don't mean-a to put these two on-a the spot, but Berkut and Rinea are going through...some-a hard times."
"We're separated," stated Berkut, while looking down at the floor. He said it in a very commanding way too, which caught Luigi off-guard.
"Um, yes, Berkut and Rinea are separated...and we're gonna work-a together to bring those two back to harmony!"
"I have a question," said Sonic as he raised his hand; Luigi would point at Sonic, giving the blue hedgehog the floor. "Has being separated helped your marriage any, Berkut?"
"I don't know, why don't you ask my wife?" responded Berkut, deflecting the question unto Rinea; Sonic would turn his attention to Rinea, as he was looking for an answer.
"Our, erm, separation, has come with its benefits..." Rinea did her best to answer Sonic's question, as she sheepishly grabbed her arm. "...I've gotten more time for myself...not that it's a bad thing, of course."
"More time to be annoyed by Alm and Celica...I'm surprised that you even have the mental capacity to stand Alm."
"Can we please-a get back on topic, everyone?" Luigi pleaded to everyone in the room, wanting to get the show on the road. "Let's get this couples counseling over with-a soon, I got some calisthenics to get to..."
The buddy cops would pay Ema Skye a visit, as they had the forensics expert inspect the pieces of toilet paper that came from Cortex's paper-mache statue. The duo was convinced that the toilet paper was actually rolling paper used for cigarettes, and just wanted some confirmation.
"I inspected every single piece of toilet paper, and I can confirm..." Ema said to Toon Link and Young Link, as she had the buddy cops sitting at the edge of suspense. "...that this is nothing more than just toilet paper."
"Ah, I see...so Dr. Cortex disguised the rolling paper as toilet paper," affirmed Toon Link as he nodded his head in thought, as Ema smacked her forehead. "Makes sense, if it means not getting caught."
"Are you boys really that dense? Why on earth would Cortex disguise rolling paper?"
"Because Cortex is a drug dealer, and we're gonna expose him!" Young Link said to Ema, who wanted to feel bad for the buddy cops but just didn't have the energy. "You may not believe it, but we sure as heck do!"
"Let's go, Hutch...obviously Miss Skye here chooses to remain ignorant," Toon Link said to Young Link, shooting a vicious glare at Ema as he and his partner-in-crime left Ema's room. "Don't let the door of ignorance hit you on the way out, Ema!"
"At least Villager isn't afraid to hide the truth...he always tells it like it is. Best forensics expert a police force could have!"
Ema: Isn't it funny how those buddy cops turn to Villager for "forensics"? That's only because Villager tells those two the things they want to hear. I can't for the life of me see how anyone could do that, and not lose their mind. If cognitive dissonance were people, the buddy cops would be it.
Couples counseling was all about the couples talking about their relationships, and using their experiences to help Berkut and Rinea grow closer together again. Link and Zelda were asked by Luigi to give one of their own experiences, although there wasn't much from the Hylian couple to choose from...at least for Berkut and Rinea.
"To tell you the honest truth, Zelda and I never had any hardships," stated Link as he looked at Zelda, who gave the Hylian a smile. "Everything for us has been smooth sailing."
"Yes, very rarely do we fight and bicker with one another," said Zelda, as Luigi was frowning at her and Link for whatever reason. "But, if we do argue, then Link is usually the one to blame."
"And sometimes, you're to blame, princess...but for the most part, we never have any problems. Guess we just hold ourselves to a high standard."
"Some-a help you two are..." Luigi grumbled at Link and Zelda, who both glared at the green plumber for his snide comments. "...uh, moving on! Cloud, would you like to say something?"
"I don't know, am I supposed to?" questioned Cloud, just chilling in his seat with his arms folded. Any romantic advice Cloud that was forced to give would only be made-up, so Luigi shouldn't even bother with the swordsman.
"You and-a Aerith had a lowkey relationship, I assume, but we only saw what-a was on the surface. Looks-a can kill. Did you and Aerith have-a any strife between you?"
"No, we never had any bad blood between us. And I'm not even gonna fabricate any stories to help with your cause, so I'll just leave it at that."
"You're killing me, man..." Rather than asking Sonic and Amy, or even Fox and Krystal, Luigi directed his attention to Berkut and Rinea. "...so Berkut and Rinea, did-a you two have it out before your dinner party?"
"Rinea forces me to sleep on a bench," mumbled Berkut, expecting some sympathy from the others - and he got what he wanted, as Amy and Krystal gasped in shock.
"Well you agreed to it, sweetheart," Rinea said to Berkut, who refused to look at the noblewoman in the eye. "You could've said no..."
"But I didn't, because...because...I love you." Berkut's admitted got Luigi all fired up, as the plumber was suddenly all smiles.
"Aha, looks-a like we're making some progress!" exclaimed Luigi, who in his eyes saw Berkut slowly growing closer to Rinea. "Berkut, would-a you like to repeat what you..."
"No thanks, I'm good." And just like that, it was back to square one. Luigi had to pull out all the stops if he wanted to reconnect Berkut and Rinea.
Cortex was grinning from ear to ear, heading to the gaming room with his speech in hand while Uka accompanied him. The evil genius was set out to deliver a rousing speech to the residents, one that would be moving enough to make them pro-Cortex. If everything went right, Cortex would be in the driver's seat for the man of the mansion gig in no time.
"You do realize that you're essentially reading Brio's speech, right?" Uka asked Cortex, who was skimming through his speech. Cortex didn't even know where he was walking, as he bumped into a resident here and there. "It won't even be genuine!"
"The people won't know that, they're not the ones who wrote the speech," replied Cortex, who had butterflies in his stomach. Butterflies of pure excitement. "What matters is that the speech hammers home for them!"
"And are you really going to deliver your speech at the gaming room? You sure know how to sell yourself short, Dr. Cortex; it's almost like an art form for you."
"I'll be reading the speech there as a test run. I must gauge the audience there first, before I speak to everyone in the lecture hall."
Isabelle: Cortex asked Tom Nook and I if he could "rent out" the lecture hall. I can only assume that he wants to have some kind of meeting with his minions, for his campaign. We just had Mr. Game and Watch refurnish the lecture hall last week, so if any of Cortex's minions vandalize anything, Cortex's in big trouble...
Cortex and Uka entered the gaming room, where there was a pretty modest crowd. Just enough people for Cortex to deliver his "test run". Cortex stood at the front of the gaming room, exuding a commanding presence.
"Hear ye, hear ye!" shouted Uka, garnering everyone's attention in the gaming room. The Crash clan, who were busy relaxing, saw Cortex looking all superior and junk. "Dr. Neo Periwinkle Cortex has a few words to say to you all."
"What did I tell you about mentioning my middle name?!" Cortex scolded Uka, as he heard a few laughs in the gaming room. "Why must you damage my reputation..."
"Alright, Cortex, what are these 'few words' that you have to say?" Coco asked the evil genius, skeptical about whatever stunt the evil genius was about to pull. "This has better not be a waste of our time."
"Silly Coco...what I am about to do will be very inspiring to each and every person in this room. It will be something that might cause some of you to think, and for others, be moved to tears."
"Yeah, tears of laughter!" joked Roy, laughing it up with a few of his pals. Cortex gave the swordsman a death glare, clenching his fist.
"I'll show you, ginger boy! Now listen up everyone, as I deliver the greatest speech your ears will ever hear. Or, at least the first part...you'll still enjoy it."
Cortex cleared his throat, and shuffled his papers, as he held his speech in front of him. He then took a deep breath, as he was ready to read...
Couples counseling continued with Berkut and Rinea and others, as Luigi asked Sonic and Amy to tell a story or two about their relationship. More specifically, the two hedgehogs were asked to discuss any hardships they have been through.
"I remember the good ol' days when Amy was a psychotic obsessive girlfriend," reflected Sonic, who was forever grateful that Amy had exited her crazy phase. "Some of it wasn't actually good, per se, but...you know what I mean."
"Did-a Amy do anything crazy after she mellowed out, Sonic?" Luiig curiously asked the hedgehog, and Sonic had just the right example to provide.
"Well there was that one time where she made me sign a 'love contract'; basically I had to hang out with Amy, but only on her terms. Thankfully that contract is no more!"
"I'm surprised you never forced me to sign a love contract," Berkut said to Rinea, not giving his wife any eye contact. He barely even looked at the noblewoman the whole time. "You seem crazy enough to go through with it."
"Crazy, how?" questioned Rinea, thinking of herself to be too dignified to show signs of insanity. "The only time I acted out of my element was at that dinner party."
"There have been more instances than that...don't try and save face." As Berkut grumbled to himself, Alm and Celica conspicuously entered the room, with Alm looking around.
"Come on in-a you two, don't be shy!" Luigi said to Alm and Celica, beckoning them inside the room as Berkut shot a death glare at the Valentian couple.
"Celica and I just thought that we could be a part of some couples counseling," stated Alm, as Berkut glared him down with the fury of a thousand suns. "I mean, we are a couple too..."
"Get out," Berkut commanded Alm and Celica, refusing to be in the same room as them. It was only a miracle that he could stand the couple in his own house.
"Um, you can't just tell us to leave, Berkut," Celica said sternly to the paladin, as Rinea was starting to feel a bit embarrassed. "You're not in charge of..."
"I SAID GET OUT!" Yelling at the top of his lungs, Berkut sounded frightening enough to make Alm and Celica leave the room quickly. Once Alm and Celica cooled off, Berkut's anger died down within seconds.
"...so, Sonic, why don't you tell-a us about that move-in situation Amy forced upon-a you?" Luigi asked the hedgehog, just to break the awkward silence and tension. Berkut sure could use a chill pill right about now.
Alm and Celica stood in the hallway, after Berkut told them to vamoose. Soon the couple was joined by Wolf.
"You got out here pretty fast," Wolf said to Alm and Celica, who both looked like they had failed the mercenary. "How long did you last?"
"Only a couple of seconds," replied Alm, with Wolf grunting in response - as the king expected. "Berkut told us to leave; he was in a bad mood."
"And? You never step out of your house, whenever Berkut's in a bad mood. So what's the difference now?"
Wolf: On the surface, Berkut and Rinea are the easiest couple to screw up. All it takes is finding the right couple - the right foil - to make them weak. Alm and Celica are the best choice, and the second best...I'm still looking for one.
"We're sorry that we didn't last that long, Mr. O'Donnell," Celica apologized to Wolf, who didn't want to hear any of what the queen had to say. "We hope that we didn't ruin your plan."
"But you did ruin my plan!" Wolf snapped, growling in frustration before recollecting himself as he took a deep breath. "Screw you guys, I'll go with Ganondorf and Rosalina instead..."
"Ganondorf and Rosalina?" Alm raised an eyebrow, as Wolf angrily stormed off. "That's a random pairing, if I've ever heard one."
"I wouldn't say that it's an entirely random pairing..." smiled Celica, before whispering something into Alm's ear. Something that made her husband relatively shocked, as his eyes went big.
"Wait, really? He does? And she...wow, I didn't see that one coming! Never would've known..."
Uka refused to listen to Cortex recite his speech, so he waited in the hallway waiting for Cortex to finish. The floating mask wouldn't have to wait that long, for Cortex came out of the gaming room after only two or so minutes.
"Well that was quick," remarked Cortex, as he took a look at Cortex's face; Cortex didn't look depressed or anything. Looked pretty chill.
"I don't understand...they didn't even let me go for three minutes!" stated Cortex - at least he got to recite a few sentences from his speech. "They just told me to leave."
"Just told you to leave, huh? So does that mean your speech is hot garbage? Guess you should just tear it all up!"
"No, Uka, that can't be it...they wanted me to stop, because they wanted everyone else to hear my rousing speech! I wouldn't blame them. I shall have my minions gather everyone in the lecture hall later today!"
Mr. Game and Watch: Yeah, I heard a bit of Cortex's speech...tuned him out after the first sentence or two. I can only imagine what listening to the entire speech could've done to my psyche. Fortunately, me and the others were spared...
The buddy cops stopped by to see Villager, wanting their so-called forensics expert to inspect the pieces of toilet paper from Cortex's paper-mache bust. Rather than doing his job, Villager was instead more interested in showing Toon Link and Young Link his fish collection.
"I've always wanted to catch a zebrafish," Villager said to the buddy cops, showing off a zebrafish mount in his room. Neither Toon Link nor Young Link cared in the slightest. "I gotta say, it was a dream come true..."
"Must've been a very sucky dream to have," remarked Young Link, as he hurt Villager's feelings. Poor Villager felt a deep cut in his heart. "Also, everyone and their mother knows that fish are only good for eating, not catching."
"Dang straight, Hutch!" exclaimed Toon Link, cheering as he gave Young Link a high five. "Survival of the fittest!"
"Nobody ever cares about my fish collection..." sighed a depressed Villager, as he placed his zebrafish mount back on the wall. "...if you guys aren't here to see my collection, then why are you bothering me?"
"We're bothering because of some very serious matters. Cortex, as you may or may not know, is a drug dealer. And we plan on exposing him!"
"Weird, I've always thought that Toad was the drug dealer around here. Or so I've heard. Could be because of his mushroom hat."
"We planned on exposing Toad years ago, but someone beat us to the punch. Anyways, Villager, we need you to do us a solid...or a liquid. Your choice."
"What is it that I gotta do?" In response Toon Link took out the pieces of toilet paper, and made it rain all over Villager, making the young lad confused.
"See these pieces of toilet paper? We want you to inspect them, and find out if they're rolling paper used for cigarettes. A breakthrough is seriously needed at this point."
"Uh, sure...you two just step outside, and I'll do my thing." So the buddy cops exited the room, with Villager closing the door.
Villager: Do I mind being the buddy cops' go-to forensics expert? I mean, it's fine - the upside is that I never have to worry about getting arrested. They don't mind me "jaywalking" to the bathroom, compared to everyone else. Wish that they would pay me more than just expired coupons for my efforts, though.
"All done!" announced Villager, literally ten seconds after he told the buddy cops to leave as he poked his head out from his bedroom door. "Come back in!"
"Wow, that was pretty fast!" remarked Young Link, as Villager let the Hylian and Toon Link back inside his room. "No wonder Villager's better than that fraud, Ema Skye."
"Alright Villager, what you got?" Toon Link asked the young lad, rubbing his hands together with anticipation. He knew for a fact that Villager wouldn't let him down.
"I have come to the conclusion..." replied Villager, leaving the buddy cops hanging on his every word as they leaned in closer. "...that these pieces of toilet paper..." The buddy cops leaned in even closer, waiting to hear the big conclusion. "...are just pieces of toilet paper."
And just like that, Toon Link and Young Link were both equally disappointed, on extreme levels. Their disappointment was immeasurable, and their day was almost ruined.
"Villager...you're fired," Toon Link informed the young lad, his trust severed forever. "Looks like we'll have to find another forensics expert..."
"You did this to yourself..." Young Link pointed at Villager as he and Toon Link left the room; Villager, left mostly unaffected by the news, shrugged it off as he went ahead and dusted off some of his fish mounts.
Couples counseling went on, as it was Fox and Krystal's turn to speak. Fox and Krystal were talking about how much they've grown since they got married.
"I'd say that things have been popping up daisies since we finally tied the knot," Fox said as he gave a warm, loving smile to Krystal, who smiled in return. "And now we're gonna have a baby, so I've been on my best behavior ever since."
"Still won't prevent you from being a drama queen," Sonic murmured under his breath, as Fox overheard the blue hedgehog and got angry. Fox stood up, ready to throw some hands.
"Who are you calling a drama queen?! When are you gonna have your kid, when you're sixty years old?!"
"That would imply that I would even want a kid...but hey, if you and Krystal wanna stress yourself out, go ahead and by my guest."
"Let's keep it calm-a you two..." Luigi advised Fox and Sonic, with Fox rolling up his sleeves and Sonic flexing his fingers. "...violence is never the answer to our-a problems!"
"It's the answer for some people around here...now sit still, Sonic, while I..." Fox would be interrupted, when there was a knock on the door.
"Ah, another visitor!" Luigi went to the door, and before he could open it...it was kicked down by Ganondorf, who entered the room with Rosalina. The door fell upon Luigi, squashing the poor plumber underneath.
"Where is he? Where is Berkut?" Ganondorf angrily asked, holding unto Rosalina's hand as he dragged her around. The demon lord saw Berkut, giving him a death glare.
"Yes, I'm here; what is it that you want?" Berkut asked Ganondorf, who came over to the paladin and was staring him down, intensely. Berkut remained firm, while Rinea looked worried for her husband's well-being.
"You know what I hate? People who stand in my way. But you know what I hate even more? Men who choose to be terrible husbands...like you!"
"Is it just me, or is what Ganondorf is saying rehearsed?" Sonic whispered to Amy, a hundred percent certain that Ganondorf's words weren't genuine. "His lines sound so cheesy!"
"You got some nerve, getting into a shouting match with Rinea. And making her cry? Some husband you're supposed to be!"
"Says the man who isn't even married yet..." mumbled Berkut, angered that his ugly spat with Rinea was now known by several residents. "...why did you bring Rosalina with you?"
"Because I happen to like Rosalina!" Ganondorf admitting that he liked Rosalina almost caused Sonic to laugh, as the hedgehog had to cover his mouth. "And just like me, she hates it when selfish men like you hurt their partner's feelings!"
"That is definitely not true," stated Rosalina, only to be silenced when Ganondorf gave her a frown. Better let Ganondorf do all the talking.
"You deserve to be punished...and I know just the way to do it!" To the surprise of everyone, Ganondorf took out a firearm - Wolf's Blaster - and pointed it at Berkut's head. Some gasped out of shock, while Berkut kept his cool.
"Um...can somebody help-a me?" Luigi asked from underneath the door, his voice muffled as he felt grateful that his vital organs weren't crushed. He was more invincible than Mario Scarn.
Wolf: I gave Ganondorf my gun, so he could look commanding while he made a point. Oh, and I gave him some lines, too.
Ganondorf: Rosalina refused to recite her lines...after reading the lines Wolf gave me, I wouldn't blame her!
"Okay, that's enough..." said Cloud, as he and Link arose from their seats. "Fox, Sonic, you two lift the door off of Luigi. Link and I will take care of Ganondorf..."
"You boys aren't taking care of nothing!" Ganondorf shouted at Link and Cloud, but that didn't stop the two swordsmen from leaping on top of Ganondorf. "Let...go...of me!"
"Should I leave?" Rosalina asked Ganondorf, watching as the demon lord was wrangling with Link and Cloud. "Yeah, I think I should leave..." The mother of Lumas nonchalantly left the room, leaving Ganondorf to fight his own battle.
"ENOUGH!" bellowed Ganondorf, as he broke free of Link and Cloud; the demon lord, once he was free, focused his attention on Berkut. "You're going to pay..."
"Pay what, exactly?" asked Berkut, as Ganondorf dropped Wolf's Blaster on the floor and got into Warlock Punch position. "Oh my, a Warlock Punch...bet it won't even hurt me."
But it did hurt Berkut, as Ganondorf delivered his Warlock Punch to the paladin and sent him flying out of the room. Rinea, Krystal, and Amy all gasped, as there was now a hole in the wall where Ganondorf sent Berkut through.
"Thanks-a you two!" Luigi thanked Fox and Sonic, after the two lifted the door off of the plumber. Luigi, despite being hurt, found the strength to stand up on his own feet, before noticing the hole in the wall. "Uh...what I miss?"
"Nothing - just had to teach Berkut a lesson in respect," replied Ganondorf, whistling innocently as he walked out of the room. "Carry on."
"Berkut, sweetie...I'm coming!" Rinea cried out, running through the hole as she looked for her undoubtedly injured husband. That Warlock Punch could take the fight out of anyone!
The buddy cops were now inside Cortex's room, searching aggressively for any evidence. They searched high and low, checking underneath the bed, in the closet, and even Cortex's underwear drawer. Young Link saw a speedo in said drawer, cringing as some horrid mental images filled his mind.
"Check the dresser!" Toon Link called out to Young Link, who sprung to action as he looked around on the surface of Cortex's dresser. Found nothing of importance.
"No evidence here!" shouted Young Link, as Minato passed by the room; Minato would take a peek inside, watching the buddy cops do their thing.
"See if there's any evidence inside the dresser." So Young Link pulled one of the drawers out, hoping to find some evidence. When the Hylian looked inside the drawer, he gasped.
"Starsky...I think I found something." Curious, Toon Link walked over to Young Link - and much like his partner-in-crime, Toon Link was left in shock after looking inside the drawer.
"What are those two so surprised for...?" wondered Minato, before Toon LInk reached into the drawer and pulled out...dollar bills. Lots of dollar bills. Minato looked surprised. "...well would you look at that."
"How is he gonna explain this?" asked Young Link, as he pulled out a pack of cigarettes from the drawer. Minato, having seen enough, walked away with his hands in his pockets. "We now got a dead man walking..."
Minato: Would be very amusing if Cortex went out the way that I did, having money stowed away in his bedroom. Can't say it would be karmic justice, since I don't know if Cortex was the one who screwed me over...but it would be amusing regardless.
As Minato walked through the hallway, he bumped into Ripper Roo and Dingodile. Ripper Roo was laughing insanely at Minato, befuddling the young man.
"Why is he laughing at me?" Minato asked Dingodile, while Ripper Roo continued to laugh away. Almost like the blue kangaroo was speaking to Minato.
"He's saying that you have to go to the lecture hall, mate," replied Dingodile, as he was able to decipher Ripper Roo's laughter. Kinda expected from one of Cortex's smarter minions. "For a, erm...'special message'."
"Special message, hmm? Must I ask who it's from? Or do I have to find out myself?"
The minions gathered all the residents in the lecture hall, so that they could hear Cortex reciting his speech. How did they lure everyone, you ask? Brio just told the minions to tell everyone that Master Hand had a "special message" to deliver from his vacation spot. Whenever word broke out that Master Hand was called for a meeting, all the residents fell hook, line, and sinker.
"Good evening, Smash Mansion!" Brio greeted the crowd, standing at the lecture hall stage and speaking into a microphone. "If you were expecting a special message from Master Hand, then allow me to tell you all...that is not true."
"I KNEW IT! I knew that we were tricked!" shouted Lloyd, standing up and accruing the attention of everyone in the lecture hall. The swordsman, seeing the attention he garnered, quietly sat back down.
Lloyd: For the first time in my life, or at least this year, I was right, and everyone else was wrong! Feel like everyone owes me ten dollars. Jeff Bezos, I'm coming for you!
"Dr. Neo Cortex will be reciting his speech to you all this evening," addressed Brio, being greeted by a wave of grains from the audience. Which he expected. "Before he comes up here, I would like to say a few words about his excellence..."
"No, Brio, that's my job!" Cortex called out to his VP from backstage. The evil genius was getting antsy, if not a little too eager. "I'll handle that part - go ahead and introduce me!"
"Very well then...now introducing, Dr. Neo Cortex!" Brio moved out of the way, as he allowed Cortex to take center stage. Expecting to hear cheers and applause, Cortex was instead greeted with silence. Off to a bad start.
"Don't have too many high expectations..." Coco, sitting next to Mario whispered to the plumber as Pit brought a podium to Cortex. One that accommodated the evil genius' size. "...the speech isn't that great. At least what I've heard."
"You act like I had-a high expectations for Cortex to begin with..." Mario whispered back to Coco, only to be startled by Cortex slamming his fist on the podium. That meant the speech was ready to begin.
"Blood alone moves the wheels of history!" shouted Cortex, speaking brazenly and confidently into the mic as he let the crowd feel his emotion. "Have you ever asked yourselves during your moment of solitude, which everyone finds during the day, how long we have been striving for greatness? How long I have been striving for greatness? Not only the times I've been at war, pitted against fellow candidates and harmful critics, but from the moment I was given an awesome opportunity. When I realized that this mansion could be conquered. It has been a struggle, one that could last a lifetime. A never-ending fight. I say to you, that you will understand that it is a privilege to fight! And it is a privilege for me, to fight for all of you!"
"He's reciting that speech as if he's running for president..." Twintelle quietly whispered to those around her, as she took a sip from her tea. "...his campaign has gone completely to his head!"
"We are warriors! I am a warrior - a warrior for justice! Residents of the Smash Mansion, I ask each and every one of you to rise up, and be worthy of this historical hour! Of this historical occasion! No revolution is worth anything unless it can defend itself. I can be your great defender!"
"If he's our great defender, then we would all be screwed..." mumbled Rex; sweat was pouring down Cortex's face, showing that the evil genius was really into it.
"Some people will tell you mad scientist is a bad word. And that is understandable. They'll conjure up images of men with crazy hair, and goggles, and a look that a child predator would approve of. This is my duty - to change their perception. I say that we, as residents...should unite! We must never acquiesce for it is together, TOGETHER, THAT WE PREVAIL! We must never cede control of the mansion to any evildoers that wish to befall us! For it is…"
Cortex paused briefly, waiting for everyone to finish the rest of the sentence. But everyone just plainly stared at the evil genius, which was not a good look.
"I'm out, who's with me?" Ninjara asked the others, as he got up and left the lecture hall. This started a chain reaction, as other residents started leaving.
"Let me repeat myself: for it is..." Cortex spoke into the microphone, as the residents were filing out of the lecture hall. "...where are you people going?!"
"Good speech, man, very good speech," Ike said to Cortex, clapping sarcastically as he walked out of the lecture hall.
"Don't leave yet, I haven't even finished! For it is..." It didn't matter if Cortex finished the speech or not, as everyone was leaving the lecture hall in droves. The search committee observed the exodus of residents from the front row.
"So many people are leaving...this is very disconcerting," remarked Isabelle, surprised that the residents lasted as long as they did. "Not looking good for Cortex."
"No, not at all..." responded Tom Nook, as the buddy cops made their way through the retreating residents en route to Tom Nook. "Toon Link, Young Link...I take it you boys were busy in the line of duty?"
"Yeah, we've been doing an investigation," replied Toon Link, holding the evidence he had discovered in his pockets. "An investigation about one of the male candidates..."
"Oh dear...which one is it? Better not be who I think it is..."
Last thing Berkut remembered, he was Warlock Punched into oblivion by Ganodorf, who was asked by Wolf to "hijack" the couples counseling session. While it remained to be seen if Wolf's plan fully worked, Berkut was still left in pain. The paladin was getting used to this pain, as he woke up in Leia's office.
"Is couples counseling over?" questioned Berkut, as he quickly got a sense of his surroundings. The paladin looked to his right...and saw Rinea, sitting in a chair next to him. "Oh..."
"About time you woke up," Rinea smiled at Berkut, who had mixed feelings about being somewhere else right now. "I was worried sick about you!"
"Sure you were...if you were so worried, you would have woken me up after I fell unconscious. Some wife you are."
"But I was the one who carried you to Leia's office, by myself. You looked so gentle, with your eyes closed..."
"...so is couples counseling over with? Felt like I had some unfinished business..."
"Sadly, Luigi had to call it off after Ganondorf Warlock Punched you. But, you're alive, and well...okay, maybe you're not so well, but you're alive!"
"I suppose you're right about that..." Berkut looked up at the ceiling, lost in thoughts all alone...or so he would've been, if not for Rinea. As Rinea smiled at Berkut, Wolf peeked inside Leia's office, gritting his teeth.
"Drat..." the mercenary fumed, as he pulled his head away from the doorway.
Wolf: The couples counseling was mostly sabotaged...yet it seems like Berkut and Rinea are starting to get back on the same page! I was hoping to cause a rift between the two, but instead I drew them closer! Good for nothing Ganondorf...if only he had used my Blaster like I told him to do...
"Berkut...do you forgive me?" Rinea sincerely asked her husband, whose eyes went wide. Berkut didn't expect his wife to be the one asking for forgiveness.
"Forgive you for what, exactly?" asked Berkut, as he sat up on the patient bed he was on. "Is it about our shouting match at the dinner party? Or something else?"
"Well, that...and everything else. The candles, the renovations you deemed pointless...forcing you to sleep on that bench..."
"...I've heard enough." Berkut hated that Rinea even had to mention that bench. "Are you really that sorry, Rinea?"
"I know that I've been taking advantage of your nobility, and using your money to buy all sorts of nonsensical things...just wanted to spruce our house up a bit. I should've known better."
"Well it's Alm and Celica's house, too...huh, that's the first time I ever acknowledged the fact. But it's good to know that you learned your lesson."
"Yes, I have...so do you forgive me?" Rinea leaned in close to Berkut, expecting her husband to say yes. Would Berkut say the word?
"You do sound very sincere, so...yes, yes I forgive you." Rinea was overjoyed, as she kissed Berkut on the cheek. And Berkut responded with a smile - quite rare from the paladin himself.
Cortex met with the search committee in Master Hand's room, joined by Pit, Brio, and his minions. The evil genius expected to hear good news, but little did he know that he was going to receive the exact opposite...
"Psst, what are we here for?" Komodo Joe whispered to his brother, Komodo Moe, as there was some intensity brewing in the room. Made the minions feel uncomfortable.
"I think Master Cortex is getting promoted," whispered N. Gin, interjecting himself into the Komodo Bros' conversation. "He's going from man of the mansion...to supreme overlord!"
"Oh please, Cortex isn't even good enough to be running his own castle," snorted Dingodile, who always kept it real with Cortex. Sometimes, Dingodile even questioned his own loyalty to the evil genius. "I'm guessing that Tom Nook and Isabelle are letting our boss off the hook."
"I'll be honest with you, Dr. Cortex...I'm surprised you even made it this far," Tom Nook said to the evil genius, as sort of an underhanded compliment. "Everyone had written you off after the first week!"
"Yes, I know, I have plenty of haters," acknowledged Cortex, as he heard his minions quietly snickering behind him. He looked back and glared at his minions, who hushed you quickly.
"Sadly, this is where your little 'Cinderella run' comes to an end. We have learned from the buddy cops that you were a drug dealer, and although we never take those two seriously..."
"That is correct, you two really don't take the buddy cops seriously. Which is why I shouldn't be here in the first place! Release me, at once!"
"Can you let me finish? Toon Link and Young Link gave me and Isabelle some evidence, and the evidence, quite frankly, was too big for us to ignore."
"What evidence?" Digging into his pocket, Tom Nook would pull out a cigarette and toss it unto the desk in front of Cortex. Pit gasped at the very sight.
"Cortex, you've been doing drugs?!" Pit frowned at the evil genius, extremely devastated as Cortex stared at the cigar out of confusion. "And you never let me in on the fun?! I am beyond hurt!"
"Oh no, a cigar...I'm totally done for sure," Cortex said in a very sarcastic tone, shaking his hands as he openly mocked Tom Nook. "What exactly does this cigar prove?"
"It proves the buddy cops' assertions that you've dealt drugs before or during your candidacy," explained Isabelle, as Cortex rolled his eyes and let out a laughing fit of disbelief. "They seem to be right on the money, compared to times past."
"This is just another one of their delusions. No way am I losing my candidacy because of two boys living in their own imaginations!"
"Well, Dr. Cortex, how do you explain...these?" asked Tom Nook, digging into his pockets as he pulled out several packs of cigars, lying them on the table.
"Showing me a bunch of cigar packs isn't going to help your cause." So Tom Nook would show more evidence, taking out wads of cash and placing them on the table. Cortex had nothing to say about that.
"The buddy cops said they found the money along with the cigar packs inside your dresser. And, according to these cigar packs, which are all marked with 'APRIL 2020'..."
"Th-This is a set-up! Those buddy cops secretly hate me, and this is their way of ruining my chances at being the man of the mansion. It's clear as day!"
"The evidence is very credible...dare I say, it's the only actual evidence that the buddy cops have ever provided! And it goes against your favor, Dr. Cortex."
"That being said, you left us with no other choice," Isabelle said to Cortex, who was nervously sweating buckets as he bit his fingernails. "Dr. Cortex, you are no longer..."
"Quick, Brio - the brainwashing song!" Cortex frantically looked towards Brio, who nodded his head as he took out a music player. Brio placed the music player on the table, and quickly pressed the play button.
"Brainwashing song?" questioned Isabelle, as some anime-inspired music started playing from the music player. "Should we be concerned?"
"Not at all, dear Isabelle - just sit back, and let the words soothe you!" replied Brio, as Hatsune Miku's voice and the animesque music filled up Master Hand's room. Tom Nook and Isabelle looked fine at first...before covering their ears as they couldn't stand to hear the music.
"Master Cortex, it's working! They're being brainwashed!" cheered N. Gin, seeing as Tom Nook fell out of his chair as the brainwashing song did an absolute number on his eardrums. "They're going to reverse their decision any minute now..."
"We're not...being brainwashed..." stated Tom Nook, as he couldn't bear to stomach anymore of the seemingly tortuous song. "...the song...it's too cheesy...and catchy..."
"Cheesy and catchy in a good way, yes?" inquired Cortex, before seeing that his song was only making things even worse. "Brio, turn it off, turn it off!"
"No, Cortex, it's too early!" stated Brio, as he was turning up the volume on the music player. "The song hasn't done its intended effect yet..."
"Dr. Brio, I'm not repeating myself...TURN IT OFF!" So Brio, doing as he was told, turned off the music player as Tom Nook and Isabelle recovered from their musical torture.
"Not gonna lie, that song kinda slapped," Pit said to Ripper Roo, as Tom Nook and Isabelle both made it back to their seats. Neither one of them were in a good mood.
"So...you were saying something?" Cortex asked the search committee with an innocent grin, as Tom Nook and Isabelle were glaring down the evil genius.
Uka waited outside in the hallway, with Cortex's pet goose. The floating mask was relishing his free time away from Cortex, and said free time would come to an end when Uka saw Cortex and company walking towards him, with Cortex sporting a disappointed face.
"I was babysitting your stupid pet goose while you were speaking with the search committee," Uka said to Cortex, not caring to ask why the evil genius looked so down. "Consider yourself welcome."
"Got some bad news..." sighed Cortex, before finding the courage to look up at Uka. "...I am no longer in the running, for man of the mansion."
"Bad news? How is that bad news? If I were any of the residents, I would be beyond elated to hear that! When do we throw a party?"
Uka: Cortex lasting that long was a mistake, the man barely even stood a chance! I knew he would last longer than Chrom, since Chrom is a huge dork, but the fact that Cortex made it so far is awfully suspect. Not saying that there was any foul play going on, but something just doesn't feel right in the universe...
"Now's not the time to throw a pity party," stated Cortex, before letting out another sigh as he reflected on his campaign. "Where did it all go wrong? How did those buddy cops even ruin my chances?"
"You lost your candidacy because of those twerps?" snickered Uka, laughing away at Cortex's expense. Tears were running down his face, which was a rare sight. "That's rich! You would go out like that, Dr. Cortex."
"Oh, shut up, you! This stinks - my campaign has come to a crashing halt, and I'm no longer a candidate! Could this day possibly get any worse?"
"FREEZE!" shouted Toon Link, as he and Young Link had their bow and arrows pointed at Cortex and the others. "You all are under arrest!"
"Tiny knew it was naptime," said Tiny, as the tiger got on the floor and fell asleep. Komodo Moe frowned at Tiny, before poking the tiger aggressively to wake him up.
"He said 'under arrest', you bozo, not 'under a rest'..." Komodo moe said to Tiny, who immediately woke up and sprung back up on his feet. Tiny could have that nap later.
"What am I under arrest for this time?" Cortex questioned the buddy cops, not looking forward to being arrested for the nth time. "Being too ugly? Jaywalking? Having too big of a head? Or just merely existing in general?"
"You are under arrest, for being a drug lord and dealing drugs," Young Link explained to Cortex, catching the evil genius by surprise. "We know well that Brio, Pit, and your minions helped you deal drugs throughout the entire Seattle metro area!"
"That is such a baseless accusation! Can you believe these two, Brio?" Cortex looked towards Brio, who responded by shaking his head in disbelief.
"This is my first time hearing of such a thing," replied Brio, disgusted by how willing the buddy cops were to put Cortex behind bars. Almost like the buddy cops got off on arresting Cortex. "Baseless accusation, indeed!"
"I may be an evil villain, but I would never be a drug lord! Besides, drug dealing is beneath me, it's simply not villainous enough. It's not really my forte."
"He's denying it, that means he's guilty! Get him!" shouted Toon Link, as he and Young Link quickly pounced on Cortex like lions, while the others moved out of the way. The buddy cops were about to put the cuffs on Cortex, until...
"Um...can you boys please don't do that?" a gentle voice said to the buddy cops, who looked up and saw Tiki standing in the foyer. Cortex's minions giggled, amused that their boss was about to be bailed out by his crush.
"Do what? Arrest this man for drug dealing? He needs to be behind bars, where he belongs!"
"What is the matter with you two? You find any sort of reason to arrest Dr. Cortex. I've seen you arrest him so many times, I'm about to lose count!"
"Well, this arrest is legit," defended Young Link, before taking out one of the packs of cigarettes he and Toon Link found. "We found these cigars in Cortex's room, with some money, meaning that he's a drug dealer!"
"And that is supposed to mean anything? When have you seen Cortex flaunting that much money around, in the open?"
"Come to think of it, he never flaunts his money..." replied Toon Link, thinking critically as he stroked his chin in thought. "...but his roommate Wario sure does! Maybe he's the drug dealer."
"Yeah, you're right...we should be arresting him instead," remarked Young Link, as he and Toon Link took the handcuffs off of Cortex. "Sorry for falsely accusing you, Dr. Cortex."
"Meh, you've falsely accused me so many times...your apologies mean nothing to me," Cortex said to the buddy cops, as his hands were now free. "You boys get out of my sight!" The buddy cops left the premises, with their focus now on Wario.
Wario: What's this I hear? The buddy cops want to arrest ME? *laughs* No problem, I'll just pay them off with some money, no biggie...They think that I'm a drug dealer? Now that's rich!
"I actually got tired of the buddy cops always harassing you," Tiki approached Cortex, who was barely listening as he was staring into the manakete's eyes. "So when I saw them trying to arrest you, I felt like I had to step in..."
"...I'm sorry, you were saying something?" asked Cortex, breaking out of his minor trance. His minions were giggling, while Uka was rolling his eyes. "I just want to thank you, for saving my butt from those pesky youngsters..."
"Oh, it was nothing. Sure hope everything goes well with your campaign! Keep it up!" On that remark, Tiki left the foyer as she made her way back to the tower.
"Should I tell her the bad news?" Cortex asked Brio; he would tell Tiki himself, but he did not wish to devastate the Manakete.
"It's best for Tiki if she learned through word of mouth," advised Brio, expecting a person from the tower to deliver the news instead. "It would be too much for her to take in..."
"So, since this whole campaign thing is over...can we go back home now?" Pinstripe asked Cortex, as he was startling to feel a little homesick. "The hot babes I invited over to the castle must be waiting for me...uh, you heard nothing, boss!"
The campaign might not have ended the way Cortex hoped, after he lost his candidacy...but he did make it farther than most expected him to. The evil genius could hang his head high on that.