Episode 245: Triviocalypse

Cortex was very upset upon learning that he lost his candidacy, and was out of the race for the man of the mansion job. The evil genius did his best to change the search committee's minds - even going as far as brainwashing them with a song from the Vocaloids. Needless to say, it didn't work.

Nevertheless, Cortex was focused on taking on a leadership role at the mansion, and opted to seek some "guidance" from someone who had helped him during his campaign trail. Cortex refused to remain empty-handed, wanting to do whatever it took to make some kind of impact at the mansion.

Meanwhile, Brio would remain at the mansion, wishing to make an impact himself. The genius, who had spent much of his time as Cortex's so-called VP, desired to show the residents how valuable he could be. And he would demonstrate that with the four remaining candidates - Link, Cloud, Zelda, and Mitsuru - in the meeting room.

"Love letters, yes, I invented those!" exclaimed Brio, as he wrote down "love letters" on a white board, which had a list of items. "I love it. What else can be done with paper?"

"You can write a book about chairs," suggested Cloud, giving out a wild guess; he couldn't care about Brio's meeting no matter how hard he tried.

"Books! Excellent, Cloud. I have invented those as well."

"Dr. Brio, please! Please, just stop," Link pleaded to the genius, as the meeting was making him and the others very bored. "You can do infinite things with paper..."

"Did you hear that?" Brio would gasp at Link, amazed that the Hylian provided such a profound yet priceless answer. "Infinity! There is an infinity of things that you can do with paper! Now, who wants to buy some paper?"

"Very nice - very nice sales pitch for people that don't know what paper is," remarked Cloud, wondering when Brio got so excited about paper all of a sudden. Brio could sell someone on the idea of avocado jam, while claiming to have invented it.

"I'm talking about you peons! Who in this room, right now, wants to buy some paper? Let's get high on some supply!"

"Dr. Brio, you want us to buy our own paper?" Zelda asked Brio, hoping that the genius had some kind of end goal to his diabolical. If you even want to consider it diabolical.

"Yes! Paper is limitless; it can sell like hot cakes. So what are you waiting for?"

Brio: Tom Nook and Isabelle said that the mansion needed to raise some funds before Master Hand returns, especially after all that money was stolen. I believe that the target date is today. We're only a couple hundred dollars short. And I can't afford to sell anything valuable from the mansion to make money, since I obviously invented those things. So today, I need the others to sell as much paper as we possibly can, if they want Master Hand a satisfied camper!

Cortex: Minions, machines, evil henchmen...all of these things I have successfully managed! The only thing I haven't managed is the residents of this mansion. I managed to hit it off perfectly with Handsome Jack and Zachary Hale Comstock, to the point where I could seek them for further advice. Handsome Jack even offered me to help me out, should I ever lose my candidacy somehow! So, like a Spanish conquistador, I will arrive at Handsome Jack's home planet to claim what is rightfully mine...
Pit: Hey Cortex, can I come to? As a plus-one? Pretty please?
Cortex: *sighs deeply* If you must...

With some assistance from Zero, Cortex and Pit arrived at Handsome Jack's home planet of Tantalus, via the teleportation device. While Zero the tag-along waited outside, Cortex and Pit ran inside some office, as men on a mission. Well, only Cortex was on a mission.

"Dr. Neo Cortex for Handsome Jack!" Cortex shouted at the receptionist, as he and Pit ran up to the front desk. Almost twisted their ankles on their way there.

"Oh, hello Dr. Cortex!" the receptionist at the desk greeted Cortex, not even bothering to acknowledge Pit's presence. "I'll tell him you're here. Can I get you anything at all?"

"I'm not here to be given anything. I'm here to take what is mine."

"Ooh. I see that you are a very ambitious man. Just as Handsome Jack told me. Here, please have a seat."

So Cortex and Pit would both take a seat in the waiting room, waiting for Handsome Jack to call them in. As Pit looked over to his left, he recognized two residents from the mansion also in the waiting room.

"Leon Powalski? Vault Boy?" Pit uttered the names of the chameleon and mascot, who were sitting just a few chairs away from Cortex and Pit.

"Dr. Cortex? Pit?" Leon uttered the names of the evil genius and angel, resenting the fact that there was some familiar company in Handsome Jack's office. "What are you doing here?"

"Leon? You don't know?" Cortex asked the chameleon, before letting out a very heartfelt laugh. "I'm here to get back my authority!"

"You never had any real authority to begin with...but, go ahead, believe in your own little lies."

Leon: Had a chance encounter with Handsome Jack when he was at the mansion a few months ago - he was telling me all about how he was a code monkey, and how he would hack stuff in his spare time. Me, I've always wanted to be a hacker, so when I asked Jack, he offered to show me the ropes. And after weeks of mulling the decision...here I am! Much better than having to fly off somewhere to another part of the country. I can think of no better way to confront my deathly fear of flying...in planes. Don't let Wolf know. Oh, and as for Vault Boy...he heard that Handsome Jack was associated with something called "the Vault", and you know that Vault Boy wanted to see what it was all about.

The wait for Cortex and Pit didn't last that long, as Handsome Jack called in Cortex only a few minutes after the evil genius arrived at the office. Cortex and Pit made their way to Handsome Jack's office space, seeing a grinning Handsome Jack at the end of the hallway.

"Dr. Cortex!" gleamed Handsome Jack, with a giant grin on his face...only for said grin to instantly fade away when he saw Pit. "Oh, and Pit..."

"Handsome Jack...so good to see you again," Cortex said to the businessman, gleefully shaking his hand. Pit held out his hand for a handshake, but Handsome Jack would (understandably) snub the angel.

"You made it, doc! Impressive initiative. I don't know what's worse, the trip or the destination." Pit would laugh awkwardly at Handsome Jack's joke, leading to a brief moment of awkward silence as Handsome Jack momentarily cringed. "Well, uh, let me settle in and I'll be with you shortly."

"Very good!" So Handsome Jack walked away as Cortex, through clenched teeth, said the following to Pit: "Don't screw this up for me, Pit..."

Brio went around the mansion, wanting the residents to buy paper from him no matter the cost. One of the folks that the genius spoke with was Shulk, who was chilling in the living room.

"Hey Shulkster - if that's what your friends call you," Brio greeted the Homs; no person in their life has ever referred to Shulk as "Shulkster", so that led to a smile from Shulk. "So Dr. Cortex says that Homs like yourself can be a really big help, if they're willing to'"play ball.' Those were his words, not mine, even if I did invent them."

"Look Brio, you really want to make money, I get it," said Shulk, not wanting to put up with Brio at the moment. "Master Hand will understand. Losing lots of money isn't that big of a deal - we can always get it back one day!"

"And that one day shall be today, good sir! So make it happen!"

"Hey! I can make it happen," volunteered Sonic as he entered the living room - he had no idea what was being discussed, but he wanted to make a difference somehow.

"You oughta stay out of it, Sonic, you might screw things up," Shulk advised the hedgehog, as he knew Sonic's track record far too well.

"Shulk's right, I know that screwing things up is your kind of thing," Brio said kindly to Sonic, who was taken back by the genius' words. "But it's a little more complicated than that."

"Screwing things up is my kind of thing, since when?" frowned Sonic, before focusing his frustration and attention on Shulk. "Shulk, have you been telling dumb rumors about me?"

"It's just, I really need a real trustworthy peon on this. So Shulk...what do you say?"

"I'm about to leave soon because tonight Dunban and I have a trivia contest in Seattle," replied Shulk, with Brio's left eye twitching. Brio refused to believe Shulk, even for a second. "It's an underground thing."

"Oh, a trivia contest, you say..." Brio took a deep breath, trying his hardest to conceal his anger.

"If it were any other time, I would stay around and lend a helping hand while at the same time fueling your own insanity. But tonight is Triviocalypse!"

"What is this 'Triviocalypse' that you speak of? Is there by any chance that I invented it?"

"It's only the biggest night of trivia of the year. There's a thousand dollar prize. I'm committed to the people, they're committed to me."

"You know what? Go. Have fun." Disgusted that Shulk had the gall to "betray" him, Brio stormed out of the living room, although the trivia contest stayed in the back of his mind...

Shortly after leaving the living room, Brio went to Mario's house - not only to pay Mario a visit, but to tell him about what he heard from Shulk.

"There's an underground trivia contest at a bar in Seattle," Brio said to Mario, greatly piquing the plumber's interest. Seemed like Mario was all about this trivia contest.

"Stop right-a there," Mario said to Brio, even though Brio had already said his piece. "I love it."

"I'm-a in," said Luigi who was in Mario's living room, his hands finally free from having to carry around Deanna 24/7.

"I didn't even say what it is," said Brio, as he did not expect Mario and Luigi to be down with some trivia so quickly.

"It's trivia...in Seattle," stated Cappy, basically reiterating the very words that Brio said to the Mario Bros.

"But here's the best part! The prize is a thousand dollars, and if we win, we can use that money for the mansion, so that Master Hand won't notice that any money is missing."

"That's a great-a idea," nodded Mario; he knew that Brio had good intentions, he just figured that the genius never had the chance to show it due to being in Cortex's shadow all the time. "That's a great plan."

Mario: If you know me, you know that I love-a trivia. Some might-a say that I'm a know-it-all, but I think the people that call-a me that are jealous. It's not my fault that they chose-a to be ignorant about the things-a they're supposed to know.

"Yeah? You like it?" Brio asked Mario and Luigi, with his hands clasped together.

"We sure-a do, sounds like it could-a be a lot of fun," replied Luigi, him and Mario looking forward to the trivia contest as Brio excitedly clapped his hands.

"I'm so happy you two are into it! Because my original thought was, that the trivia contest - or Triviocalypse, as Shulk called it - sounded really stupid. But only because I never invented it."

"You just made a good-a idea, a great idea. There is one problem with this plan, though...we'd have to leave-a our homes and our families to do this."

"You left your own home and family to be with Mario, did you not?" Luigi had nothing to argue against Brio, as the plumber kept his mouth shut. "Your argument is invalid..."

Back at Handsome Jack's office, Leon was in the hallway, speaking with someone on his phone with Vault Boy standing by. Pit came around the corner, slowly walking towards Leon with an inquisitive look on his face.

"You can go ahead and move your food scraps out of my closet, Pigma, or I'll have to find somewhere else to put my cinnamon buns," Leon said into the phone, sounding rather angry and ticked off. "Alright. Good riddance." Leon then hung up the phone, before being startled by Pit standing a few inches away from him. Way to violate one's personal space, Pit.

"Leon, I always wondered what kind of value you brought to the mansion," Pit said to the chameleon - like he had any value to contribute to the mansion himself. "Now I found out. You're the cinnamon roll guy!"

"Yeah. But I'm not about cinnamon rolls, you see. But frankly, I'm more than that. Answer me this, Pit: What's the most important appliance in the mansion?"

"Meat grinder. I should know - I tried sticking my hand down there once, and it almost didn't end too well." Leon made a buzzer sound, indicating that Pit's answer was wrong.

"Sticking your hand down a meat grinder, an idiot you are...the correct answer is the toilet. And I am the toilet of the Smash Mansion. I flush away annoying problems so others can keep their hands clean. And, just like a toilet, I am essential. Which you aren't."

"You know, Leon? You could have gone with garbage disposal, an incinerator or eraser, and instead you chose the toilet. God bless you. You're an American classic!"

"Cortex, today is not my day at all, I'm afraid," Handsome Jack spoke with Cortex, as the two were walking through the hallway together. "I'm not going to be able to meet with you, but I'm leaving you in the very capable hands of our senior vice president, Mr. Blake."

"But I can give you this pitch in one minute!" Cortex said to Handsome Jack, as he was craving for any kind of authority at the mansion. Only Handsome Jack could show him the way.

"Nah, he's going to meet with you later. No, no, no! I don't want you to rush it, okay? Trust me. Meet with Mr. Blake. He's a great person to know. I'll dialogue with him tonight." Handsome Jack would leave, leaving Cortex in the hands of Mr. Blake.

"Handsome Jack to Mr. Blake...what a difference a rhyming name makes," remarked Pit, as Leon, Cortex, and Vault Boy looked at the angel all confused. Evidently Pit didn't know how rhymes worked, but what else would you expect from a guy who couldn't read?

"Still an important position," stated Cortex, as he was looking forward to meeting with Mr. Blake. "He is the vice president of Hyperion."

"Hopefully this Mr. Blake guy would entertain a meeting with me," said Leon, the thought of such a meeting making the chameleon rub his hands. "He could teach me how to hack stuff! Then I could be more than a toilet to people."

"'Be a toilet to people?' Is that supposed to be a good thing? You are so vile..."

Just down the hallway, standing against the wall, Handsome Jack dug into his pocket and pulled out his phone, dialing a number. The businessman looked composed and business-like, as he held his cellphone to his ear.

"Mr. Blake, listen to me, and listen good," Handsome Jack spoke into the phone, once his call was answered. "I want you to listen to Cortex's pitch. Make him feel valued. Make him feel heard. Because if nothing goes right for him, he's gonna lose it, bad...capiche?"

"Your wish is my command," said Mr. Blake, on the phone, as he now had an important duty to carry out.

Shulk and Dunban were at a bar in Seattle, ready for the underground trivia contest known as Triviocalypse. The Homs were the only residents from the mansion at the bar...that was, until Brio showed up.

"I don't believe this," remarked Shulk, seeing Brio walk into the bar with the Mario Bros and a select number of residents. "What are you doing here, Brio?"

"You left us no choice, but this should put a smile on your face," Brio said to Shulk and Dunban, who were not smiling one bit. Bewildered was the only feeling they had. "How would you like to be captain of the Smash Mansion team, Shulk? Although I reserve the right to overrule you."

"There will be no overruling, and no team," stated Dunban as he stuck up for his best friend. "Brio, what is the meaning of this?"

"I've got a quota to hit, for the sake of the mansion. I don't care how I hit it."

"And you guys thought this was a good idea?"

"I thought it was a fun idea," said Fox, who was one of the folks that Brio invited. Falco also came along, as a request from Fox.

"There were times during the hour-long drive when I experienced doubt," stated Falco, in what the others considered to be an attempt from the avian pilot at being thought-provoking and philosophical. "That's the thing about long drives, you know, you're always going to..."

"Wait, is this some kind of bar?" questioned Lucas as he nervously looked around; apparently the PSI whiz never got the memo. "Oh man, I knew I shouldn't have come..."

"Yes, it's a bar!" shouted Shulk, feeling frustrated just from seeing so many of his friends. Rarely did he feel such resentment towards them before. "So you guys want to go back home now?"

"No, nah," Brio and the others replied, having already made their decision. Even Lucas was starting to come around.

"What does this say about you?" Dunban asked Brio and company, wanting them to take a long, deep look at themselves. "That you followed us here? That you think you're going to win a thousand dollars in prize money? At some bar's trivia night?"

"It says that I believe in the intelligence of these peons and that I'm willing to try anything," replied Brio, speaking up for not only himself, but for the folks he invited. Although he didn't do them any favors by calling them peons.

"We need to divide up into teams," suggested Joker, thinking out a strategy that would guarantee success and the thousand dollars. "But it's winner-take-all so no need to divide evenly. We need an A-team, a backup team and a just-have-fun team."

"Good-timers follow me," said Raven, holding her hand up high so she could be recognized.

"Backups," said Rosalina, as a few residents would join the mother of Lumas. Doc Louis remained with Rosalina, while Little Mac joined the mansion's just-for-fun team.

"Go on, kid - you know you don't belong here!" Doc Louis said to Little Mac, who gave his boxing trainer a quizzical look. "Be with your own kind!"

"Welcome to the A-Team, Little Mac!" Brio said to the young boxer, expecting him to be beyond ecstatic to join the squad. No such excitement was visible on Little Mac's face.

Fox: Divide and conquer: the best and only way to win. It's the reason why so many dictators throughout history lost their power - because they stopped dividing and conquering all the time! Granted some of them might've died, or got straight-up killed, but if you're not giving it your all, you're giving nothing. That's one of my many personal mantras.

The three teams were now settled - the A-Team (Brio, Mario, Luigi, and Joker), the B-Team (Doc Louis, Rosalina, Fox, and Falco), and the "Just for Fun" team (Little Mac, Raven, and Lucas). Well, two of the teams were settled.

"All right, everybody! Nice self-awareness!" exclaimed Brio, before he noticed something amiss when he saw that only one of the three teams was down a member. "Except..." The genius looked at King K. Rool, who had joined the A-Team.

"Okay..." sighed K. Rool, holding his head low as he left the A-Team, having no choice but to join the "Just For Fun" team.

Fiora: Since Shulk, Dunban, and a couple others are away having fun at some "Triviocalypse" thing, Amy and I took it upon ourselves to have our own fun, and shoot a fun little music video. People are going to flip out when they hear our new song and they hear our group's new name.
Amy: Oh. Did we come up with a new name?
Fiora: We did. Subtle Sexuality.
Amy: Cool.

"You know when you love a guy and he's giving you mixed signals but you know he really likes you and you're sleeping together?" Amy asked Sonic, applying some makeup to her boyfriend in the beauty salon.

"More eyeliner," demanded Sonic, as Amy applied the eyeliner to the hedgehog. Sonic at first was against being in Amy and Fiora's music video, but if it meant making his girlfriend happy, then his involvement was worth it.

"I'll never tell who this song is about. That is a secret that I will take to the grave."

"It's about me." Sonic looked up at Amy with a smile, knowing that the pink hedgehog couldn't deny this very fact.

"It is, but I'll never say."

"Yeah. This looks okay."

"Do you guys need to do this here?" Ribbon Girl asked Sonic and Amy, as she was starting to lose her patience. "You are hogging the mirror."

"It's our beauty salon, too, Mythra," Amy said to the Blade, before bringing her attention back on Sonic. "I think you might have too much rouge."

"No, it's not gonna read on camera unless there's a lot," replied Sonic, who was becoming more committed to Amy and Fiora's music video.

"How do you know so much about what's gonna read on camera?"

"Uh...I chilled out with Mario at some apartment in New York for a few months. It was a very interesting experience."

Sonic: What can I say? I love music. If I had to choose a lifetime without music or without romance, I would go a lifetime without romance. Amy would have to find other ways to take care of me.

Triviocalypse had just begun, as the host of the trivia contest stood at the front of the bar with his cards. All the teams were assembled, all of them with their eyes on the prize.

"Alright, first question everyone," said the host of Triviocalypse, looking at the card in his hand. "Ray Charles famously had this state on his mind. What is its capital?

"Oh, we got this!" exclaimed Brio, clapping his hands together as he went into a quick discussion with his A-Team comrades.

"Let's reverse engineer this," Snake said to his fellow B-Team members, about to do some kind of reverse psychology method. "You're a black singer. Where do you go? Somewhere where you're a novelty. Alaska?"

"Atlanta..."answered Doc Louis, and his answer wasn't that far from the truth - Atlanta was considered one of the music capitals in America.

"Oh I know you think that, because that's where the Olympics were held," stated Rosalina, as she fondly remembered the events of the 1996 Olympics. Or at the very least whatever events she saw.

"Terry claimed that he had cousins who were at those Olympics," stated Falco, as if that was something worth bringing up. "I think he was only kidding, though."

"Keep talking all you want..." grumbled Doc Louis, sitting back as he folded his arms.

"How am I supposed to know what was on his mind?" questioned K. Rool, struggling to come up with an answer as he scratched his head. "Ooh, what do blind people think about?"

"Dogs, canes, signs, manholes, stairs, piano, darkness," said Lucas, listing out whatever words came to his mind when he thought about Ray Charles. "Wait, those aren't cities..."

"Okay, time's up. Let's get the boards up!" said the host, as the teams held up their boards. "'Atlanta, Georgia' is the correct answer." K. Rool held up his board last, and his board read "Seattle" - no points for his team.

Cortex and Pit sat in the waiting room, with Cortex waiting for Mr. Blake to speak with him. Leon and Vault Boy both approached Cortex and Pit, looking like they had some news to deliver.

"Hey doc, I got some bad news," Leon said to Cortex, as he garnered the evil genius' attention. "I just spoke with the receptionist lady, and she said that Mr. Blake had to go fight a fire, so your appointment got..."

"There's no fires within eight miles of here," stated Pit as he sniffed the air, before opening one of the windows in the waiting room and sniffing outside.

"It's more than eight miles away, you bozo...anyways, someone else will be meeting with us, on Mr. Blake's behalf."

Handsome Jack: Mr. Blake's home went up in flames...those Vault Hunters are definitely to blame. Whenever crap goes down on Tantalus, always blame those stinkin' Vault Hunters. Since Mr. Blake is sadly out of the equation, I have no choice but to use a substitute; Cortex won't like it, but it is what it is.

"What? No!" growled Cortex, refusing to accept the news as he stormed over to the front desk. "Excuse me! Lady! Get anyone from the senior vice president's office on the phone this instant!"

"No worries sir, we already have someone to fill in for Mr. Blake," the receptionist said to Cortex, as a robot wheeled its way over to the front desk. It was a Claptrap...but not the one from episode 232.

"You must be Dr. Cortex!" the Claptrap said to the evil genius, who was looking at the robot with a high amount of skepticism. "I am the Hyperion Claptrap. I can see you in the jungle now."

Amy and Fiora were standing in the gardens with Sonic, about to shoot their music video. Amy was all dressed up, wearing a bridal dress - one that she had purchased years ago, in the hopes of marrying Sonic one day.

"In this shot I'm a bride," Amy explained to Sonic, while holding a bouquet of roses. "But I'm also kind of a tough girl, so I'm gonna be smoking a cigarette."

"And I'm the minister," stated Fiora, dressed up appropriately with a black long-sleeved shirt and some black dress pants. She would've cut her hair, but it wasn't worth it.

"Okay, Fiora. Just shoot it." Fiora ran to the camera, standing behind the tripod. "After I puff on the cigarette, I'm gonna put it out on my high heel 'cause that's what they do in music videos."

"Are we doing this or not?" Sonic asked Amy, forced to stand on the sidelines as his patience was wearing thin.

"Yes! We're still setting up!"

"My blood-sugar is getting low!"

"Well, you know what? You should have had the end of the soy yogurt that I offered you."

"Rolling?" Fiora asked Amy, who confirmed that she was ready with a nod of her head. Amy inhaled the cigarette in her hand, before choking and spitting.

"Cut, cut..." Amy took some time to recover, as Fiora stopped recording. At this point, the blind optimism Sonic had for the music video had vanished away.

"That's it, I'm done..." Sonic said to Amy and Fiora, throwing in the towel as he left.

"We still have to shoot our make out scene!"

"I've got somewhere to be..."

"Is that a wrap?" Fiora asked Amy, worried that Sonic and Amy's spat would derail the filming of the music video.

"No...the show must go on," replied Amy, wanting to throw her bouquet on the ground in anger but not having the energy to do so. "I have to throw up...excuse me for a moment."

"Okay, now, you're not an all-star of the NBA, but you did get your game on when you won the NBA's Sixth Man of the Year award in 2011," said the host of Triviocalypse, as he got everyone's brain juices flowing. "Who are you?"

"Mario, Luigi, your time to shine," Brio said to the Mario Bros, expecting them to put their sports knowledge to good use.. "This question sounds like it's right up your alley.

"Shawn Marion," said Mario, having full confidence that his answer was correct.

"Yes, Shawn Marion," nodded Luigi, sticking with Mario; twin bros gotta stick together.

"That doesn't sound right," said Joker, stroking his chin as he felt very skeptical of the Mario Bros' answer. "I want to say, LaDameon Washington."

"Wrong, for so many reasons," said Mario, who was unsure whether LaDameon Washington sounded more like a basketball name, or a football name. You decide.

"Well, I know Elizabeth Taylor's sixth man was Richard Burton," Rosalina discussed with her team members, not knowing a lick about basketball. "Is that helpful?"

"That's it...I'm going to go watch the boats on the river," said Doc Louis, having enough of the trivia contest as he got up and left the bar. The ignorance was too much for him to take in.

"Ron Artest," K. Rool whispered to Little Mac, although he was wrong on the name; Ron Artest now went by Metta Sandiford-Artest. Much better than being The Panda's Friend, some might say.

"No, it's Lamar Odom," stated Little Mac, writing down the name of the former basketball player on the white board. "Lamar winning Sixth Man was a big storyline on Khloe and Lamar...not that I ever watched that show, hehe."

"Alright, boards up!" shouted the host, as everyone in the bar held up their boards. "Let's see who got it. 'Lamar Odom' is what we were looking for. 'Lamar Odom'. Thank you." Those who had the right answers were cheering.

"Lamar Odom, of-a course!" exclaimed Mario, who had Shawn Marion written on his board.

"Nicely done!" K. Rool grinned at a sheepish Little Mac, giving the boxer a fist bump; Little Mac sure put his knowledge of reality shows to good use.

"You're my sports guys!" Brio frowned at Mario and Luigi, upset that they let him down. "Mario, you're ESPN; Luigi, you're ESPN Classic, and Ryan, you're MSNBC. I'm all the other channels that I invented."

"Chill, man, this plan-a is airtight," Luigi assured Brio, letting the genius know that he had absolutely nothing to worry about. There was still a chance that the A-Team could win.

With no Handsome Jack around, and no Mr. Blake, Cortex had no choice but to give his pitch to the Hyperion Claptrap. The pitch took place in a separate room at the office.

"So it's a very simple argument of why I should have some amount of authority at the Smash Mansion," Cortex gave his pitch to the Hyperion Claptrap, who was listening passionately to Cortex's every word. "Nobody has done more to command respect from the residents than me. Bottom line, I know the mansion, I know the people. I get it!"

"You got my vote, Dr. Cortex!" Pit stood up and cheered for the evil genius, doing other nonsensical things such as whistling. Cortex did his best to ignore Pit, but it was no use.

"Er, thank you Pit...most of all, I believe that character is destiny. And my character is one that will never give up until greatness is on the horizon, behind us."

"Dr. Cortex, that was a fantastic presentation!" the Hyperion Claptrap said to the evil genius, clapping its hands as Pit would do the same. "Had me at the edge of my seat. If only I was actually sitting in one..."

"Ah, yes, a fantastic presentation. Tell me something I don't know...take me to Handsome Jack."

"No can do, he went home."

"Fine, take me to his house."

"Uh, it's a condo and it's long-term business housing."

"You know where it is, don't you? Lead me there." Cortex took out his ray gun and pointed it at the Hyperion Claptrap, threatening it.

"Oh snap, this dude's got a gun! Receptionist lady, help!"

"Listen, you'd make for a perfectly fine toilet. I'd make for an extraordinary piece of crap. Let's get moving, shall we?"

Fiora: The shoot was going really great…until Amy and Sonic got into a fight. Then stuff really hit the fan.

With Sonic no longer committed to filming the music video, Amy and Fiora were left in a rock and a hard place. The two ladies were gathered in the middle of the hallway, figuring out how to make their music video without Sonic's involvement.

"Maybe you can do it alone?" Fiora asked Amy, who currently had no direction for her music video now; Sonic bailing out threw a wrench in her plans.

"I don't think so," replied Amy, as one of the Koopalings, Iggy, came around the corner and saw Amy and Fiora.

"Amy, I heard that you were looking for someone to replace Sonic," Iggy said to the pink hedgehog, garnering her attention and Fiora's attention as well.

"Do you know someone?" Fiora asked Iggy as she perked up; the person Iggy might have in mind must be the right fit for the music video.

"I thought that I could do it." Iggy smiled and pointed his thumb at himself, but neither Amy nor Fiora saw the Koopaling as the right fit.

"This isn't radio, though," stated Amy, shooting down Iggy's offer in a heartbeat. "You know there's a visual component to what we're doing."

"Would you be able to kiss him?" Fiora asked Amy, as the very thought of kissing Iggy - let alone any of Iggy's brothers - greatly disturbed Amy.

"We would love it if you'd hold the camera for us." Amy held out a digital camera, as Iggy looked giddy at the very sight of it.

"I would very much like to do that!" exclaimed Iggy - if he couldn't be the boyfriend, then he could most definitely be the cameraman.

"Oh, no, you have to wipe the jelly off your hands first," Fiora advised Iggy, noticing how sticky the Koopaling's hands were. Suddenly Fiora and the others heard some singing nearby, and so they came to the vending room...

...and inside they saw Yashiro, singing to himself as he looked at the vending machines. Singing to the tune of Beethoven's 5th.

"Vending machine. Vending machine. I want a treat. Something to eat," Yashiro sang his heart out, as he thought over what snack he wanted. "I want a treat. A little sweet. But not too sweet. What do I eat? Vending machine. Tell me what to eat now."

And it was in that moment, that an imaginary light bulb dinged over Amy and Fiora's heads...

At the bar, Joker was on his phone checking out some stuff. The host of Triviocalypse came over to Joker, having something he needed to tell the young man.

"Excuse me, sir, on the Smash Mansion A-team?" the host said to Joker, whose eyes were locked unto his cellphone screen as he scrolled away. "Excuse me, sir?"

"Yeah?" Joker asked the host, as he finally looked up from his phone screen.

"I'm sure you're just checking your Instagram account...but you can't check smart phones during trivia, it's against the rules."

"Okay, I'm turning it off." Joker put his face down on the table surface, without even touching the power button.

"Okay, you're not turning it off."

"I won't look at it. I won't touch it.

"Okay, then we're going to have to take it away." The host took away Joker's phone, putting it in his pocket. "Thank you."

"Look, you can't just take my phone. What if it's an emergency, and somebody..." Joker sighed, seeing that there was no point in fighting over his belongings. "...guess that means I'm disqualified."

"Alright guys - after nine rounds, let's check the scores," said the host, returning to his stand as Joker temporarily left the bar - making sure that Brio wasn't looking. Otherwise Brio would be having a fit. "In first place, with nine points, it's the Monado Boys." Shulk's team pumped their fists. "The Berenstain Bears have seven points." A team of hairy men growled. "Smash Mansion A-Team has four points."

"Alright!" exclaimed Mario as he clapped his hands, while Brio was frantically looking around the bar for Joker.

"Smash Mansion Backup Team has three points. The Einsteins have eight points." The "just-for-fun" Smash Mansion team was cheering. "Boys 2 Men have five points."

Brio: So the best chance of hitting our mark is now in the hands, and brains, of King K. Rool, Raven, Lucas, and Little Mac. Do I like these odds? With or without Raven...my answer is no.

The Hyperion Claptrap took Cortex and Pit to some condo complex in Tantalus, where Handsome Jack supposedly stayed. Cortex wanted to speak with Handsome Jack, one way or another.

"Which one is it?" Pit asked the Hyperion Claptrap, who was leading the angel and Cortex through the complex.

"I don't know, all I know is the building," replied the Hyperion Claptrap, as Cortex resorted to taking matters into his own hands.

"Handsome Jack! Handsome Jack!" the evil genius called out the businessman's name, and soon enough, he and the others found Handsome Jack.

"Dr. Cortex...and Pit," greeted Handsome Jack, going from happy to bummed out in one swoop. "How nice of the Claptrap to show you where I live! Come around. 102."

"Alright guys, time's up," said the host of Triviocalypse, as everyone had written down their answers on their boards. "Who was the relatively unknown patent clerk who discovered that energy equals mass times the speed of light squared?" The host looked around, glancing at everyone's answer. "Looks like everyone gets a point for Albert Einstein. Oh wait. Except for the Einsteins. That's all right. Which means the top three teams are going to finish it off in the speed round. So let's get everyone some bells. In third place we have the Einsteins."

"Oh yeah!" cheered King K. Rool, celebrating by flexing his biceps and kissing them.

"In second place, we have the Berenstain Bears. And, in first place, is the Monado Boys." The two teams that were in first and second place were all cheering.

"Yeah, we're gonna get-a clobbered," remarked Luigi, seeing that there was no chance for the A-Team to pull out a victory. Joker was gone, and A-Team was behind.

"Ring it in when you know it," said the host, as every team had a bell at their table. "First question: This man had a fatwa declared on him when..." Lucas rang the bell; he better have an answer ready. "...Einsteins?"

"What's the answer, Lucas?" Raven asked Lucas, who appeared to be confused for some apparent reason.

"I don't know, I just wanted to do my part," replied Lucas, leading Raven to sigh as Shulk, taking advantage of the opportunity, rang his team's bell.

"Monado Boys?" asked the host as he looked over at the Monado Boys, looking at Shulk.

"Salman Rushdie," Shulk provided his answer, as the host nodded with a smile.

"Salman Rushdie is correct." There was some applause, as the host was about to read the next question. "Heading out to sea, sailors. On a square-rigged ship, the sale set furthest forward is called what?" Lucas rang the bell.

"Lucas, do not hit that bell unless..." Raven scolded the PSI whiz, worried that Lucas might screw up his team's chances at winning.

"Flying jib!" Lucas shouted out his answer, cutting off Raven as the host was taken back by the PSI whiz's rapid-fast response.

"Flying jib is correct for the Einsteins," said the host, as cheers and applause were heard throughout the bar.

Pit and Cortex joined Handsome Jack at his condo, joining the businessman at his outdoor living space. Oddly enough, there was a wrestling ring present.

"Shalom!" Handsome Jack greeted Cortex and Pit, standing in the wrestling ring with a cyborg named Wilhelm as he had his arms spread out wide. "Give us just a minute. Wilhelm and I are just finishing up our lesson. Trust me. One nine-minute bout is a cardiovascular equivalent of running uphill for three hours. I could go to the gym three times a week or I can wrestle Wilhelm once a month!" Handsome Jack slapped the mat, as he and Wilhelm wrestled.

"Grab my knee!" Wilhelm shouted at Handsome Jack, who proceeded to grab the cyborg's knee as he brought him down to the mat.

"Yay Handsome Jack!" cheered Pit, a huge wrestling fan as you may know. The angel was getting a real kick out of the wrestling bout.

"Guys, please help yourself to some drinks from the fridge," Handsome Jack said to Cortex and Pit, directing the duo's attention to a fridge nearby as he had Wilhelm in a headlock.

Yashiro: So they asked me to audition for Subtle Sexuality so I gave them a little... *makes electric guitar sounds* Followed by some... *scatting* And, I sealed the deal with... *old school rap beats*

Amy and Fiora were with Yashiro in the dancing room, teaching Yashiro some dance moves for their music video. It was mostly Amy doing the choreography, as there was dance music playing from a music player.

"One and two and cross and cross," Amy demonstrated the dance moves, as Fiora and Yashiro closely followed the pink hedgehog's lead. "Down. Sexy, sexy, sexy. You guys got that?"

"Hey, uh, some of us are trying to chill out there," said Sonic as he stepped inside the dancing room, before noticing Yashiro standing by. "What's he doing here?"

"He's your replacement," Fiora said to Sonic, who wasn't a huge fan as Sonic walked over to Yashiro, looking at the idol singer very skeptically.

"This guy? You're really gonna make out with this guy, Amy?"

"Sonic, this video is bigger than you or me," Amy said to the hedgehog, willing to take whatever chances were necessary to make the music video a great one.

"You really think you can replicate the chemistry that you and I have… with this guy?"

"We've met before…" stated Yashiro, doing his best to defend himself and his involvement in the music video as Amy walked closer to Sonic.

"I'll be thinking about you the entire time," Amy said to Sonic, hoping her response would appease Sonic...but Sonic would appease Amy his own way, by grabbing his girlfriend and passionately kissing her.

"They do have a lot of sparks," Fiora said to Yashiro, as Sonic and Amy ended their kissing; Amy looked lovingly at Sonic, with a giant smile she couldn't wipe off her face.

"I'll see you in ten minutes," Sonic said to Amy as he left the dancing room - and just like that, Sonic was back on board.

"Can I still be in the video?" Yashiro asked Amy and Fiora; being in any music video was an awesome opportunity for the idol singer. Amy and Fiora simply couldn't tell him no.

"According to a recent survey, this is the most common learning disability among American adolescents," the host read the words on his card, before looking around the bar.

"Boom! ADHD!" a member of the Monado Boys answered, after ringing the bell.

"No." Another bell would ring, as the host pointed to Raven.

"Wrong. The answer is dyslexia!" answered Raven, as the host gave the mage a thumbs up.

"That's correct for the Einsteins. " Cheers and applause was heard from the Einsteins, and even Brio was cheering and applauding, too.

"Yes! Go Einsteins!" the genius cheered for Raven and company, as he got on his team's table and started dancing. He was really feeling it; Shulk must be so proud.

"Sir, dial it back...this isn't Tail Feathers, okay?"

Done with his wrestling match with Wilhelm, Handsome Jack was now relaxing in a lawn chair on the balcony of his condo, with Cortex. Pit and Cortex were on the balcony, standing over Handsome Jack.

"They haven't really improved on the chocolate chip cookie, have they?" wondered Handsome Jack as he was eating a chocolate chip cookie, taking a bite before spitting it out. "Sit down, Cortex, and Pit, you can just...stand there, and don't be a nuisance."

"Let me tell you why I should've been the man of the mansion, with a riddle," Cortex said to Handsome Jack, taking a seat in the lawn chair next to the businessman. "A boss, an evil genius, a leader and a warrior walk into a restaurant. The hostess says, 'table for one?' How is this possible?"

"You were dining alone? All those people are you?"

"Yes, exactly. Riddle number two: Who is going..."

"Ah-ah-ah, not so fast! Your drive, your ambition. It would be wasted on some man of the mansion gig. And the mansion, you don't want to be a boss here. Even I wouldn't want to be a boss there, let alone live there! That's why I'm always at my place in Tantalus. Here, I can watch all sorts of carnage from far away, and as for you, Cortex, you're stuck with the same mundane crap, day after day. You know that, right?"

"...it's complicated." Cortex wanted to prove that the mansion was better than Handsome Jack believed, but the odds were against him.

"This medal used to belong to Harold Tassiter." Handsome Jack took out a medal holding it to the light. "He received it for acts of courage. For excellence. And that's pretty much one of the reasons why I killed him! It's a tribute one man gives another. I could give you authority, Cortex. Why not let me give you something even better?"

"I don't want a stinking medal." Handsome Jack gave Cortex the medal anyways. "I just want to have some taste of authority again!"

"Cortex, the job is not right for you, man. You're much better than ruling over a bunch of listless, uninspiring losers. Especially if you got some 'powerful being' constantly looming over your head. Now, when something comes along that is right for you, you'll get to have it. Now get the heck out of my place!"

"Final round - last two teams squaring off," announced the host, as Triviocalypse was getting down to the nitty gritty. Winner takes all. "I hope you're ready to play doctor. Our question is about health and the human body."

"Yes, this is it!" smiled Brio; being a doctor, he would know a thing or two about health.

"The standard American analog scale has a maximum capacity of what weight?" A bell rang, but it wasn't from Brio...it was from King K. Rool.

"Three hundred pounds!" answered K. Rool, as Brio was left momentarily devastated.

"Point for the Einsteins," said the host, as applause was heard in the bar. "Here's your final question. Cinephiles, put on your memory berets: This 2001 masterpiece from Gilles Paquet-Brenner explores the intricate dynamics of a family in disarray."

"Le titre du film est Le Scaphandre et le Papillon," answered Shulk after ringing the bell, while speaking in French. Who knew that Shulk was bilingual?

"I'm sorry, no. Over to the Einsteins."

"Les Jolies Choses," K. Rool shouted out his answer, after ringing the bell.

"Are you sure?" Raven cautiously asked K. Rool, not wanting the Kremling to screw things up.

"Marie Cotillard exposes herself a number of times in that film."

"The Einsteins win it!" the host happily announced, meaning that K. Rool got the question right. Applause was at an all-time high in the bar, as (almost) everyone cheered for the Einsteins.

"No! Come on!" frowned Shulk, before slamming his head against the table. Imagine losing to K. Rool in a trivia contest; must be a sucky feeling.

King K. Rool: Look, I know it's easy to say tonight was just a fluke, and maybe it was, but here's a piece of trivia: a fluke is one of the most common fish in the sea. So if you go fishing for a fluke, chances are, you just might catch one!

Amy: The video came out amazing! I cannot wait to see it for the first time.
Fiora: Amy got Yashiro to edit it for us in exchange for a small part.
Amy: If this blows up I'll probably go solo like Beyonce did.
Fiora: You are pretty talented.
Yashiro: *from afar* Oh ladies...the DVD is finished!

Amy, Fiora, Sonic, Yashiro, and Iggy were all gathered together in the library, watching their music video. Zelda and Gil walked by, as the music video caught the attention of both.

"Amy and Fiora have been working on a music video," Gil explained to Zelda, watching as Amy and Fiora were singing. Albeit with autotune. "That must be their final product."

"Music video, hmm?" inquired Zelda, as she took a closer look at the music video. So far, the princess felt that the music video had some promise...until Yashiro started singing:

Once upon a time, she was just a girl, living in this world
Then you came along, with your irresistible charm
You drive a girl wild when you flash that sexy smile
'cause before she met you things were going okay,
So go awaaaaaaay or staaaaaay!

As if Yashiro's pop-induced singing wasn't enough, Sonic started rapping in the music video a mere second later...

They call me Mr. Understood
'Cause no one understands me.
But when I spit rhymes
Everybody buys my CD.
You get out of the car so slow,
How was I supposed to know?
You keep saying stuff behind my back,
Then how come I got the number one track?
I'm the OG prima donna.
My rhymes bite like piranha,
Hotter than a sauna,
Straight out of Lackawannaaaaaa!

The video would immediately get back to normal, as an auto-tuned Amy and Fiora sang the chorus of their song. Zelda had no idea how to feel about Sonic and Yashiro's parts; she was leaning towards having some pretty mixed feelings.

"How much auto-tune was necessary?" Zelda asked Amy and Fiora, once the music video was over. The auto-tune was another aspect the princess almost had some mixed feelings on.

"It was just for fun, that's all you need to know..." replied Amy, as Zelda simply nodded and walked away. The princess couldn't argue with that.