Author's Note:
As you can see, this is a two-parter...I would've liked to do just one big chapter, but I had to split things in two, just to make ends meet. And maybe to soften my workload, and give my brain time to relax. So, with that out of the way...enjoy!
Episode 247: Return Part 1
For many weeks, the search committee of Tom Nook and Isabelle spent their time evaluating the efforts of ten men, and four women - all of them vying for man of the mansion, and woman of the mansion, respectively. They had to pick between individuals that Master Hand picked himself, and today, the search committee would be making their big decision.
Tom Nook and Isabelle had already decided on the woman of the mansion last week, when they named Zelda over Mitsuru. And now they had to make another big decision - the man of the mansion, having to choose between Link and Cloud. The two swordsmen were the leading favorites to win the job, so it was no surprise that it came down to those two.
But there was even bigger news..Master Hand would be making his big return to Seattle, along with Crazy Hand. The residents enjoyed their time away from Master Hand so much that they felt bitter about the giant hand's return. Sonic's last attempt to keep Master Hand in Belarus (where the giant hand was vacationing at) was a failure, but if at first you don't succeed, dust it off and try again...
"Heard there was a lot of civil unrest down in Belarus," Sonic spoke with Master Hand on the mansion's house phone, with Crash listening on. Tom Nook and Isabelle approached the hedgehog and his bandicoot friend. "You and Crazy Hand should stay down there, and fix all the craziness going on!"
"Sonic, is that Master Hand you're speaking with again?" Tom Nook asked the hedgehog, who quickly shushed the tanooki as he resumed his phone call.
"Why? Well, their president won't do it, and you're all strong and mighty...why do you mean, Belarus doesn't have a president? They've been a democracy, this whole time?!"
"Give me that phone..." Tom Nook took the phone away from Sonic, as he sought to speak with Master Hand himself. "...hi Master Hand, it's me, Tom Nook. When will you be coming back to the mansion?"
"Master Hand can't come back just yet, Belarus is still in turmoil. Can't leave your vacation home in the state that it's in!"
"You'll be returning in less than two hours? Superb! We have been planning for your return, so I hope that you enjoy the outside display. See you soon!"
"Less than two hours? That's too short!" Sonic was left ticked off, folding his arms grumpily as Tom Nook hung up the phone. "Why not return until the end of the year? Give us all a break!"
Tom Nook: Yes, yes - Master Hand and Crazy Hand will be returning to Seattle today! Their time of "chilling with the ladies and enjoying all the luxuries of life" has come to an end, and now they're ready to get back to business. We've made our decision on Zelda a week ago, as you know, and we'll coronate her as the woman of the mansion at the ceremony later today. The man of the mansion will also be crowned, and making our decision is much harder than we expected it to be...
"Tom Nook, since Master Hand is coming back, should we take care of you-know-who?" Isabelle asked the tanooki, sounding very concerned for whoever she was referring to.
"Who, Dr. Cortex?" inquired Tom Nook, as he took a sip from his coffee. "We have no need to worry about him anymore; I'm sure he learned his lesson from drug dealing."
"No, not Dr. Cortex...the merchant lady, Anna." In that moment Tom Nook's eyes went wide, as the tanooki was on the verge of spitting his coffee out. "What are we going to do with her?"
"Oh yes, that is right...Anna is still here in the mansion! And Master Hand despises her with a great passion, for whatever reason..."
"Master Hand won't be a happy camper if he found out that Anna was staying at the mansion during his vacation." If Master Hand found out that Anna had been sticking around since March, he would be even angrier. "Should we remove Anna from the mansion?"
"As in, forcibly removing her? I don't know about that..." Tom Nook stroked his chin, wondering what the best plan of action would be. "...tell you what. Contact Fox and Falco, and have them deal with Anna. Having Anna out of the mansion entirely would perhaps be our best option."
Master Hand was a huge fan of theatrics and huge displays, so the residents had to go all out and decorate the front of the mansion to make Master Hand feel at home. Terry, Banjo, and King Dedede were among those setting up the decorations, with Mario supervising them.
"How's it looking, Mario?" Terry asked the plumber, decorating the porch with colorful streamers. Mario looked all over, before giving a thumbs up.
"Looking good-a so far!" smiled Mario, giving the residents his vote of confidence. "All we need-a now is some balloons, to put the whole-a thing together."
"Did someone say...balloons?" asked Toad, showing up with a large handful of balloons. Mario was amazed by how Toad was able to hold so many, without floating away.
"Mama mia! Where did-a you find all those balloons, Toad?" Probably found them at the same place where he stole that bus. Toad would never share his deepest secrets.
"I won't say, but the guy who offered them to me was nice!" Suddenly Toad was lifted off his feet, as the balloons caused him to float up in the air. "Uh oh..."
"Oh snap, Toad's floating away!" panicked King Dedede, before digging into his pocket and pulling out a camera. "I must document this!" The fat penguin snapped a picture of Toad, before watching the bus thief float away.
"Help, someone help me! I don't want to die, not like this! I'm too young to die...heck, I don't even know how old I am!"
"Uh...is anyone gonna save him?" Kazooie asked the others, who watched as Toad floated over the mansion and off to places unknown.
"Eh, I'm sure he'll come-a back eventually," shrugged Mario, responding without much confidence, as the residents nodded and quickly went back to work. "I can go out and get-a some balloons."
Mario: Master Hand is a highly grandiose-a individual, and with that grandiose sense-a of mind comes with very big-a expectations...for everything. Knowing how he is, I bet that Master Hand expects-a some kind of concert-a at the mansion, to celebrate his return. Thankfully that's out of our budget, so Master Hand has to take-a what he gets...and if he doesn't like it, well, I can say that I have-a a twin brother who makes-a for an excellent fall guy.
While the residents continued to work away, Anna was running her shop, doing her best to rake in the dough. The merchant had made a transaction, selling a customer one of her lovely care baskets.
"Thank you, please come again!" Anna thanked the customer, waving to them as they walked away with their care basket. Soon Fox and Falco came over to Anna's shop stand. "Hi boys - care to buy a care basket?"
"Yo, Anna, you need to go, like right now," Fox said to the merchant, looking like he just got off the phone with someone as he had his cellphone in his hand. "It's for your own good."
"What do you mean? I have to close down shop? A little too early, I'll say, but if something big's happening, then I'll oblige."
"You're not closing down your shop just for today," Falco said to Anna, alarming the merchant. "You're closing down...for good." Anna's worst fears were suddenly realized, as she gasped and covered her mouth.
"B-B-But I didn't do anything wrong! I did my best to avoid any trouble, after that whole sour candy incident...it must be that dark chocolate I've been selling. It's too bitter."
"It has nothing to do with your care baskets, we can assure you," Fox said to Anna, calming down the merchant before she started to go insane. "We just need you off the mansion premises before Master Hand shows up."
"Always knew you guys had no backbone...what's so bad about Master Hand seeing me anyways, hmm? He's seen me many times before!"
"But he doesn't know that you've been living under his roof for months!" said Falco, who was surprised that Master Hand hadn't found out about Anna sooner. "Which is why Fox and I are gonna move you out of the mansion."
"Yeah, we'll let you live with me and Krystal in my guest room," Fox enticed Anna, who wasn't down with the idea. Had a very skeptical look on her face. "It's not as bad as you think!"
Fox: My guest room is the bomb! It's got a personal fridge, a stereo system, two gaming consoles, and the best flatscreen TV you could ever ask for. It also works as a bunker, in case for emergency situations. Got enough food to last Krystal and I (and maybe Falco) for two weeks. After the two weeks are up, however, we start having some very difficult conversations...
"Do I really have to move out?" questioned Anna, doing her best to sway the pilots' minds as she smiled aem with a cutesy, yet deceiving charm. "I mean, it's not like Master Hand's gonna show up any second!"
"We're not taking any chances, I'm sorry," replied Fox as he scooped up Anna; Anna was screaming out of her mind, as Fox carried her away. "Falco, you clean out the prison cell that Anna's staying in - I'll take Anna to safety!"
"You got it, fam!" Falco saluted Fox, before running inside the mansion...only to come back outside and snatch a care basket off of Anna's shop stand, before heading back in.
Cortex was feeling very encouraged, after his crush Tiki offered him words of advice, as well as words of encouragement. The evil genius was so encouraged, that he was no longer salty about no longer being a candidate for man of the mansion.
Brio, who served as Cortex's VP, was less than enthused about Cortex's change in demeanor, out of fear that his "value" at the mansion was diminishing. So he did what he had to do, and sway Cortex's mind whichever way he could.
"This is so unlike you, Dr. Cortex," Brio said to the evil genius, who was happily folding his laundry in the laundry room. "The Cortex I know would fight for his right, and fight until he couldn't fight no more!"
"It's okay, Brio, I'm over it now," replied Cortex, unnerving Brio just by how happy he was; if he were smiling over some evil plan he concocted, it wouldn't bother Brio at all. "I've accepted my place at this mansion."
"And what place is that? Being at the bottom of the barrel? You were the king of the kingpin at your castle, and now you're just another peg on the wheel!"
"Well, it's not that big of a downgrade...sure people still doubt my abilities, but I've become more closer to landing a girlfriend than I have been my entire life! A huge personal goal."
"Oh my goodness..." sighed Chrom, who was busy tossing some clothes in a washing machine, as he stormed out of the laundry room feeling discouraged. Uka floated inside the room, watching Chrom making his leave.
Tiki: Cortex sure looked happy after I spoke with him last week. As of now, we're still on friendly terms, but now I'm afraid that Cortex might think of our bond as something much more than that. I might've inadvertently planted the wrong idea inside his head...
Chrom: No matter how hard I try, I can never get Tiki to stop speaking with Cortex. I tell her that Cortex is bad news, that he's a flawed genius who could never mount up to anything remotely positive in life. Sure those words sound harsh, but I'm just calling it like it is. Every time I see Cortex and Tiki together, a part inside of me dies. Strange as it sounds, it makes me feel like a disappointed dad.
"Dr. Cortex, are you flashing people with your imaginary six-pack again?" Uka questioned the evil genius, who like Brio was disturbed by how visibly happy Cortex was. "Why did Chrom storm out of the laundry room like that?"
"First of all, my six-pack isn't imaginary - it's just hiding underneath my flesh," replied Cortex, as he folded up the last of his laundry. "And the reason why Chrom left is because he simply cannot handle true love."
"True love, like what? You and your make-believe romance with Tiki? You make me laugh, Dr. Cortex, even when you don't try..."
"Dr. Cortex, I'm dead serious, you must redeem yourself!" Brio stressed to Cortex, who gathered up all his clothes and walked out of the laundry room with Brio and Uka following after him. "Think of all the hard work we spent during your campaign - you wish to let it go to waste?"
"There's nothing I can do now, sadly," replied Cortex as he walked down the hallway, leading Brio and Uka to assume that he had now adopted a defeatist attitude. "Either one of Link and Cloud is going to be the head man, and I have no choice but to..."
"...you know, there is ONE thing that you can do," suggested Uka, with Cortex giving an attentive ear as he stopped in his tracks. "Damage Link and Cloud's reputations, to the point where the search committee would have no choice but to name you the man of the mansion!"
"Why would they choose me? I'm already out of the running! Best to go with a last resort option like Captain Falcon. And must I mention those bogus drug dealer 'allegations'?"
"They'd have no choice but to go with you, since you were the most recently eliminated candidate. Lasting so long (somehow) could work in your favor." That got Cortex intrigued, as the evil genius was scratching his chin.
"I suppose your plan has some merit, Uka...but how can I damage Link and Cloud's reputations? I literally have no dirt on either one of them!"
"You could bring up Link's past behavior, and claim that he's not the changed man that everyone thinks he is. And as for Cloud, uh...just call him a terrorist or something. Wait, he's already a terrorist..."
"If I were you, Dr. Cortex, I'd kidnap Link and Cloud, and keep them hidden somewhere where nobody - not even the search committee - would find them," suggested Brio, and Cortex was more open to his friend's idea as evidenced by him nodding his head.
"Keep Link and Cloud hidden so that the search committee would have to pick me..." Cortex thought to himself out loud, before finally coming to a decision. "...Dr. Brio, you sir are brilliant! What would I do without you..."
"Yeah, what would you do without him..." sneered Uka, with Cortex getting his evil mojo back as he rubbed his hands together evilly. "...he literally helped up with all your life accomplishments. The Evolvo-Ray, graduating from the Academy of Evil, asking out some woman who wasn't even that attractive..."
"No time for your slander, Uka, I'm trying to get back in the groove again! I reckon that my assistant still has some use left in him...
Cortex's assistant, at least during the campaign, was Pit, who was now free to hang out with his friends Kirby and Incineroar without any interruptions. The angel was also free to spend time with his girlfriend, Viridi, who was teaching Pit how to water flowers. It was a long time coming, and for mostly understandable reasons.
"No, Pit, that's too much water!" Viridi scolded the angel, who was pouring loads of water unto several sunflowers from a water can. "Stop!"
"C'mon Viridi, it's just a bunch of flowers!" responded a very careless Pit, as a horrified Viridi couldn't bear to watch anymore with her hands over her eyes. "Not like I'm drowning them."
"If you give them too much water, they'll whither away and die!" Viridi snatched the water can away from Pit, knowing that the angel had a lot more to learn. "Do you want to kill the flowers?!"
"So we're gonna be treating flowers as if they're people? You nature-obsessed freaks are such weirdos...not that you're a freak, Viridi. Or a weirdo."
Viridi: Pit wasted so much of his time with Cortex...he served as nothing more than a useless clod for Cortex and his silly "campaign". But thankfully all of that is over, and Pit can go back to spending more time with me! I want to make up for some lost time, and if that loser Cortex comes anywhere close to my Pit again...
"Pit, my lovely assistant!" Cortex called out to the angel, whose ears perked as he turned around and saw Cortex standing in the gardens. "I need you for a very special assignment!"
"Very special assignment? I'm down!" squealed Pit as he ran over to Cortex...only for Viridi to grab his hand, and keep the angel in place. Pit tried to break away, but it was no use.
"I'm not letting you leave me again," Viridi said to Pit, speaking very sincerely as she looked deep into Pit's eyes. "Not for that loser over there."
"Someone else is asking for Pit's services?" questioned Cortex as he looked around, wondering what loser Viridi was referring to. "Hmm, must be a ghost..."
"You're acting like I'm leaving the mansion forever," Pit said to Viridi, who had a very tight and firm grip on his hand. Viridi really didn't want Pit to abandon her. "I'll be back soon!"
"Cortex is just going to use you for some stupid plan of his," stated Viridi, wishing that her boyfriend could see how manipulative Cortex was. "It'll end in failure, like all the other ones. And you're perfectly fine with it?"
"I got your favorite, Pit...chocolate-covered pretzels!" Cortex enticed the angel, holding up a large bag of pretzels. "Jumbo-sized, too!" Pit bit his lip, looking at the bag of pretzels, before looking back at Viridi.
"Don't make such an easy mistake, Pit..." Looking at Viridi, then at the bag of pretzels, and then exchanging glances between both, Pit had to make a decision, and fast.
"Chocolate-covered pretzels...daddy's coming for ya!" The angel would break free from Viridi as he ran to Cortex, who quickly hid the bag of pretzels behind his back. Viridi gasped, startled that Pit could give in like that.
"Nuh-uh-uh...I can't let you have the pretzels just yet!" Cortex wagged his finger at Pit, who was looking around Cortex like a dog looking for some doggy treats. "The pretzels shall be your reward, if you fulfill my favor."
"Then it's a done deal! Let's make it happen!" So Pit followed Cortex out of the gardens as Cortex looked back at Viridi, giving the goddess a smile and a wave as he made his exit. Viridi growled and tightened her fists, refusing to let Cortex get away. She was getting her Pit back, one way or another...
Because Cortex was involved, Viridi knew that the best way to rid Pit from the evil genius was to have the Crash clan take care of things. So the goddess spoke with Crash, Coco, Crunch, and Aku in the arcade room, expressing her concerns to the four.
"Cortex getting his mojo back is obviously bad news," stated Aku, knowing that Uka being involved made the situation ten times worse. "A motivated Cortex is an untamed beast!"
"Aku, you know better than anyone that Cortex ain't no real threat!" said Crunch, who was putting in some work as he lifted some dumbbells. "He has a better chance at getting a black eye than succeeding at anything!"
"Yes, Crunch, I'm well aware of Cortex's track record, it's quite laughable...but I have a very bad feeling about this. If Cortex, Uka, and Brio are all on the same page..."
"...then Brio and Uka will have to carry Cortex's load, which is expected," Coco would finish for Aku, as she tried to free Crash from an arcade machine. Somehow Crash got his nose stuck in the coin slot.
"All I want is for Pit to be done with that loser Cortex, for good," Viridi expressed to the Crash clan, showing a visible amount of worry and concern. "He was barely any help before, so why would he think that he would help Cortex now?"
"You say that like you expect Pit to actually use his brain," replied Aku - and Viridi, for the life of her, couldn't argue against the floating mask. "Why not let him come to his senses?"
"I'd go with the Empty Room, nobody would find them there," said Altair, who was heard speaking with someone in the hallway. Curious, Viridi and the Crash clan took a small peek outside the arcade room...
...and saw Altair speaking with Pit. Pit was taking notes on a notepad, taking every word that came out of Altair's mouth to heart.
"I see, I see...so you're positive that no one would find Link and Cloud in the Empty Room," Pit said to Altair, as he was looking over his notes. Viridi was about to run out and give Pit a piece of her mind, but Crunch held the goddess of nature back.
"To my knowledge, barely anyone uses that room anymore," replied Altair, unaware that he was lowkey helping Cortex in his quest to become man of the mansion. "Sometimes I forget that it's even there! It's a good place for hiding kidnapped hostages, if you ask me."
"Neat-o! Thanks for your advice, Altair. This is gonna be the most awesome hide-and-seek game ever, I tell you what!"
"How come I'm not a part of this hide-and-seek game?" Pit had no answer for Altair, as the angel had his lips curled. "Why not let Link and Cloud find their own hiding spot?"
"Because they both stink at hide-and-seek. Kinda sucks that I have to show them where all the best hiding spots are. But maybe one day..."
"And why is it that they're hiding together in the same spot? What do you have to say about that?" Quite frankly, Pit had absolutely nothing to say, as he looked around the hallway nervously.
"Um...bros before hoes? That's their personal mantra." Altair refused to believe Pit, but he decided against questioning the angel further.
"Sounds like the weakest hide-and-seek game ever...but I'll let you have your fun. I'll do my best to stay out of it."
Altair: Pit isn't as sneaky as he looks. I know what he's hiding, and it looks like I'll have to get down to the bottom of it. With some people, it's easy to see through their façade - and Pit has a facade that even a blind person could see through.
Pit and Altair would both go their separate ways, with Pit heading off to carry out Cortex's plan, and Altair resuming pickpocketing as many residents as he could. Meanwhile, Viridi was enraged after the conversation she had witnessed.
"WAIT UNTIL I GET MY HANDS ON YOU, PIT!" the goddess of nature shouted, as Crunch did his best to keep her still. It was a struggle, but the bandicoot still got it done.
"First you wanted to 'free' Pit from Cortex, now you wanna kill him?" Crunch questioned Viridi, who struggled to free her arms from Crunch's grasp. "What's your problem, girl?!"
"Told you that Viridi was bipolar when it comes to Pit..." replied Coco, as Viridi eventually calmed down; Crunch would release his hold on Viridi, once the goddess was in the right mood.
"I'm going to get my Pit back, one way or another..." vowed Viridi, leaving zero doubt as to how angry she was. "...Cortex is gonna wish he never messed with my precious little angel!"
"Yup...totally bipolar," remarked Crunch, amazed at how a guy like Pit was able to withstand Viridi for as long as he did.
For nearly five months, it appeared that Zelda would be the favorite to win the woman of the mansion role, with Mitsuru being the only woman that could challenge the princess for the job. Tom Nook stated in the previous episode that nobody will know who the woman of the mansion was until Master Hand returned, at a crowning presentation. Even though the decision was supposed to be confidential, that still didn't stop any false information from being leaked out...
"Congratulations, Zelda and Mitsuru!" Diddy Kong said to the princess and young woman, who both entered the gaming room only to be greeted by an onslaught of cheers.
"Yeah, stylin' and profilin'!" gleamed Doc Louis as he wrapped his arm around Zelda and Mitsuru, only for the two ladies to kindly remove the boxing trainer's arms. "You're gonna do great things!"
"Knew you babes would both earn the woman of the mansion job," Knuckles said to Zelda, as his questionable word choice caused the princess to cringe. Knuckles wouldn't dare to address Zelda as such if Rouge was around.
"Please don't call us that ever again..." Mitsuru asked of Knuckles, who smiled and clicked his fingers at the princess as he walked away. Seems like Zelda and Mitsuru were now the toasts of the mansion...for reasons unknown.
Zelda: The search committee told me that their decision was purely confidential, and nobody would know about it until today. So who's been going around spreading lies?
Sonic: Eh, what can I say - Zelda and Mitsuru, either one of them winning the job outright would be pretty boring. So I "leaked" the results, and told everyone that both Zelda and Mitsuru got the job! Although Zelda winning the gig might be a forgone conclusion, not gonna lie. I oughta do the same thing with Link and Cloud - having to watch those two sharing authority would be comical!
"You sure have been getting a whole lot of support," Link said to Zelda, as he and Cloud approached the princess. Zelda was slowly getting used to the constant attention. "I bet you'll have your own fan club, in no time."
"And it would be the most pointless club in existence, I'm sure," responded Zelda - she just wanted to do her job, without all the unnecessary fanfare. Would that so much to ask from her fellow residents?
"Hey Link and Cloud...may I interest you in a game of hide-and-seek?" Pit approached the two swordsmen, not looking suspicious at all with his mischievous smile and his hands held behind his back.
"No thanks - we're busy, and not interested in your childish games," replied Cloud, giving the kind of response that Pit expected to hear. "Ask your dumb friends to play with you instead."
"You are right, my friends are dumb...Kirby and Incineroar. They're not intellectuals, like me. But I will have you know, that hide-and-seek is truly a game for intellectuals."
"Alright then, Mr. Intellectual...if we do play your little game, will you leave us alone?" asked Link, only indulging in Pit's shenanigans just this once. Whatever is it that he and Cloud were doing could wait, for now.
"Yep! The rules are very simple. All you have to do is hide in the hiding place I give you, and stay there until somebody finds out. It won't be me, of course."
"...that's not how hide-and-seek works," stated Cloud, bewildered by the rules; Pit, seeing that Cloud wasn't with the program, shook his head in dismay at the swordsman.
"It's intellectual hide-and-seek...get with it, Cloud! I'll show you where your hiding spot is, I already picked it out and everything."
"You two have fun," Zelda said to Link and Cloud, in an almost sardonic manner, as the two swordsman reluctantly followed Pit out of the gaming room. Poor Link and Cloud, they had no idea what they were in for...
Doing it only "for her own safety", Anna was at Fox's house, chilling in the guest room. At first, Anna was against relocating from the mansion, but after checking out all the perks that Fox had in his guest room...the merchant wasn't feeling so negative anymore.
"Yes, Falco, Anna is still in our house," Krystal spoke with Falco on Fox's cellphone, as she wandered into the guest room. "She's making a bit of a mess as I speak, but she's safe and sound...okay then. Goodbye."
"Anna, stop, that's not how you use the soda dispenser!" Fox scolded the merchant, who held her head underneath the mini-fridge's water dispenser with her mouth wide open. Soda poured into Anna's mouth, and Anna was enjoying every second of it.
"You sure that having a soda dispenser in the mini-fridge was a good idea?" Krystal asked Fox, hanging up the phone and smirking as she looked at her husband. Anna showed no signs of stopping, much to Fox's chagrin.
"Anna is just sheltered, she probably never used a fridge before." Eventually Anna came to a stop, rubbing her mouth with her arm as she had a huge smile on her face.
"Hmm, that really hit the spot!" remarked Anna, who was bound to have a sugar rush any minute now. Lord knows how much soda the merchant drank. "Didn't you say that this mini-fridge had an ice cream maker, Fox?"
"It's, uh...it's in the freezer," replied Fox, as Anna quickly opened the freezer and saw the ice cream maker in plain sight. The merchant stuck her hand, taking out a handful of ice cream. "Use a spoon, please! Where are your manners..."
"How long is Anna staying with us?" Krystal asked Fox, as Anna was eating from the ice cream maker like a little kid. Making a slight mess. "I would hate to play babysitter..."
"It'll only be temporary; we're just keeping her around until Master Hand arrives. After that...honestly I have no clue."
"Wonder what this button does..." said a very curious Anna as she pressed a button on the ice cream maker...and watched as ice cubes started pouring out.
"So that's where all the ice cubes were...man, I continue to be impressed by my own house almost every day."
While Fox was busy keeping Anna around at his home, Falco was tasked with removing all of Anna's belongings. The avian pilot did this in the buddy cops' jail cell, which was obviously located at their makeshift police station.
"If Anna ever asks...I'm copping this," Falco said to the buddy cops, as he walked out of the police station with a sword - Anna's sword. "She'll understand, if you convince her enough."
Falco: Sick and tired of all the swordies, acting all cool with their stupid swords...but I'm gonna be the one to change the game. Have you ever seen anyone wielding an awesome space gun, and a sword in battle? I think not. *holds up Anna's sword* With this bad boy, I will be unstoppable! And maybe Katt will be more inclined to go on a date with me. Not that my new weapon of choice should sway her mind in any way.
"I still think that Dr. Cortex should be removed from the mansion altogether," Toon Link discussed with Young Link, as the two Links were having a few conversations regarding Cortex.
"You are absolutely right, Cortex is a very bad influence," agreed Young Link; it was very rare for the buddy cops to come to a disagreement, their minds were that much in sync. "Not because of his drug dealing ways, but also because of his ugliness."
"Right you are. Cortex is deceiving others into thinking that ugly people can get far in life! It's one of the biggest myths in history, like the Loch Ness monster, or even a critically-thinking college student."
"I actually met both of those once..." Toon Link's eyes went wide, as he stared at Young Link out of disbelief. "...saw him hanging out with Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny, at some nightclub. Good times."
"Oh, Hutch, you almost had me there...thought you were gonna make me look like an idiot. So, when are we gonna boot Cortex out of the mansion?"
"Best to do it when he least expects it. We'll just wait it out..."
Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong invited their old man, Cranky Kong, over to the mansion - not just because they loved the old ape to death, but because he wouldn't annoy them about how lonely he felt in the jungle. While being at the mansion always put Cranky in a good mood, the same couldn't be said for his offspring.
"Have you ever stopped and wondered what the author does in his spare time?" Cranky asked Donkey Kong and Diddy, who were in the dining room trying to mind their business. "Like, does he even have a girlfriend? How does he make money? Are his readers paying him?"
"He does this every time we invite him to the mansion..." Donkey Kong said to Diddy with a sigh, only for Cranky to smack the gorilla on his head with his cane. Donkey Kong yelped in pain.
"I'm just trying to make you boys aware! You're being controlled...the author has control over your speech, your actions, and even your mind!"
"He's becoming like that crazy conspiracy couple that lives next door," Diddy whispered to Donkey KOng, loud enough for Cranky to hear as the elderly gorilla smacked the spidermonkey in the back of his head and made him wince in pain. "It's always the neck, every time..."
"What we need to do is fight for our rights. The author can't control us, but we can control him! All it takes is a little motivation, and some..."
"Cranky Kong, if you despise the author so much...then why are you even here?" Donkey Kong questioned the old gorilla, who slowly stood up and glared down at his grandson. "Are you gonna give me another concussion?"
"I see what's going on here...the author has made you and everyone else complacent. For almost 250 chapters, you've continued living your lives, without even questioning a thing!"
"Yeah, um, I gotta go...have to call Dixie Kong about some, uh, stuff," Diddy said to Donkey Kong, before taking out his phone and bolting out of the dining room. Way to leave your uncle behind, Diddy.
"Ask yourself this, Donkey Kong - do you ever wonder what goes on during the week?" Cranky interrogated his grandson, who was reluctant to answer as he eyed around the dining room. "Why people only get to see what happens at the mansion every Friday, or an occasional Thursday?"
"Is it...because the documentary only comes by the mansion to film on those days?" Donkey Kong answered to the best of his ability, only to be slapped by Cranky. "I mean, that's the only right answer!"
"No, DK...that is NOT the right answer. Maybe one day you'll figure it out, but until then, you're just an ignorant grandson of mine..."
Donkey Kong: Cranky just called me ignorant...I would be upset and up in arms about it, but Cranky has called me much worse things in the past. One time, he even called me a hobknocker! Just what in the heck is a hobknocker, anyways?
Cranky Kong was left in a bitter mood, as he walked out of the dining room. Brio would poke his head out from a nearby corner, observing Cranky as he walked away...
Before they could make their big decision later today, Tom Nook and Isabelle had to unwind a bit first. The two were enjoying some coffee in the cafe, sitting around the cafe table.
"We have a very tough choice ahead of ourselves, Isabelle..." Tom Nook said to the shih tzu, before taking a sip from his coffee. "...if I could name both Link and Cloud as co-men of the mansion, I would do it in a heartbeat!"
"Part of me wished that Cortex was one of the two men remaining," confessed Isabelle, catching Tom Nook by surprise as the tanooki almost did a spit take. "At least picking against him would be easy."
"Yes, yes it would have...but Cortex squandered his opportunity, just like all the other men. Silver lining is, we don't have to put up with that campaign anymore."
"That's true; those TV advertisements that Cortex put out were hard to watch. Did you ever see that one ad with the CGI Godzilla?"
"Tom Nook, Isabelle, you have a moment?" X asked the search committee, as he and Fuuka entered the cafe. The pacifist robot looked like he had seen some stuff he wasn't meant to see - probably some unflattering pictures of Wario.
"Of course. We have some time to spare. What seems to be the problem, you two?"
"We uncovered some security footage on one of the computers in the computer room," replied Fuuka, not having Tom Nook's full interest as of yet. "It has much to do with one of the former candidates..." And just like that, Fuuka had Tom Nook's full attention.
"Let me guess...it has something to do with Dr. Cortex." Tom Nook figured that Cortex being a drug dealer was the tip of the iceberg, so any evidence showing Cortex in a bad light would ultimately doom the evil genius.
"We found the footage in the computer's recycling bin - evidently someone was trying to delete it for good. It's best if you and Isabelle saw it yourself..."
Pit took Link and Cloud to the Empty Room - a room that had gone unused since episode 58. Master Hand used this very room to determine the General of the Pokemon Army. Now, three years later, Pit would use the same room...for a game of hide-and-seek. Or so Link and Cloud have been told.
"Know anything about this room?" Link asked Cloud, as the Empty Room didn't seem to ring a bell with the Hylian. It certainly rang a bell with Cloud, who had some very bad memories from being trapped inside the Empty Room.
"This is the room where Mewtwo tried to stab Lucario, with a knife," replied Cloud, in an almost careless manner, as Link wished that he could've seen the sight. "Had poor Ashley scared."
"Mewtwo with a knife? Did that actually happen, or were you having a dream? Let me guess, was Kirby holding a gun, too?"
Link: I would love a little history on how this whole "Kirby with a grun" crap came to be...I'm willing to bet that the morons who came up with that drivel don't even know themselves! Stupid idiots.
"This is where you'll be hiding," Pit said to Link and Cloud, as he opened the door to the Empty Room; Link was amazed by how dark it was inside the room, while Cloud was looking like he was going through some minor PTSD.
"Mind telling us how this backwards hide-and-seek game works again?" Cloud asked Pit, noticing that the angel had a very mischievous smile. The swordsman felt that Pit had something right up his sleeve.
"I believe the word you meant to say was 'intellectual'...anyways, you and Link will just hide here, and someone will come and find you. All that's left for me to do is to find somebody who wants to be 'it'."
"You haven't even found a third person yet?" frowned Link, as Pit declined to answer, his mischievous smile still very much intact. "You want us to be hidden forever?"
"Well maybe if you were in my position, you'd know how hard it is to find someone willing to play the game. Also, you could at least take into consideration that...ENJOY YOUR STAY!"
Quickly opening the door, Pit grabbed Link and Cloud (and the cameraman) and tossed them inside the Empty Room, before slamming the door shut. The angel then took out a roll of caution tape, and taped it all over the door.
"Cortex did say this caution tape can come in handy..." said Pit, before putting the roll of tape away as he walked away, whistling.
Cranky Kong walked through the hallways of the mansion, mumbling incoherently to himself as he was still in a bitter mood. The old gorilla desperately wanted the Kongs - and everyone else - to know "the truth", but not a single soul wished to believe him. Until...
"I see that you have an issue with this...author fellow," a voice called out to Cranky, who stopped and looked around while using his cane as a weapon. "I should let you know, I was responsible for inventing this author..."
"Who goes there?" questioned Cranky, who was holding his cane like a cocked gun, before turning around and spotting Brio. Brio walked towards Cranky, hands behind his back.
"Do not be alarmed, for I come in peace. I am sure that you remember my face..."
"Yeah, I remember who you are!" Seeing that Brio wasn't a threat, Cranky placed his cane back on the floor. "You're that weirdo scientist guy that got hit in the groin by King Dedede, at that Christmas party last year. Good times..."
"Yes...that, unfortunately, was me. I am Dr. Nitrous Brio, and I overheard your conversation earlier with Donkey Kong about the author."
"I was just trying to educate my grandson, but he refused to listen! I doubt that anyone will ever listen to what I have to say. They just don't know..."
"Oh, they don't know...but I do." Brio gained the full attention of Cranky, whose eyes went wide. "This author...he's in charge of this story we're in, correct?"
"That's right! Nobody wants to believe it, but I guess that's what happens when you're living in comfort for too long. Comfort makes you stupid!"
"If we're in this story, controlled by the author...then we must be in some kind of stimulation. And the only way to break free from the stimulation...is by breaking free!"
"Yeah, now we're talking! But how are we going to rise up against the author, and take what's rightfully ours?" Brio seemingly provided an answer, as he handed Cranky a smoke bomb.
"We won't know for sure unless we take action. So just follow my lead, and together we can accomplish what we're seeking for. We're only just begun..."
The search committee joined X and Fuuka in the computer room, as they were watching security footage of Cortex doing some rather miserly stuff. Tom Nook and Isabelle could only watch in shock, as they watched security footage of Pit pulling a sleeping Lloyd Irving up to the lounge ceiling, while the swordsman was wrapped in toilet paper. Standing by in the lounge were Cortex and Zoroark.
"Higher...higher...higher...good!" Cortex directed Pit, who kept on pulling Lloyd up to the ceiling until he couldn't go any higher. Tom Nook and Isabelle were dismayed, as they couldn't believe that Cortex would put Lloyd in such a precarious position.
"Cortex was responsible for that?" asked Tom Nook, not knowing what to believe anymore as he held his hand on his forehead. "And to think, this implicated Chrom and got him disqualified..."
"But wait, there's more!" said X, trying his hardest not to sound like a TV spokesman, as he fast-forward through the security footage. Tom Nook and Isabelle saw on the computer screen Cortex, speaking with Face McShooty - the man who harrassed Samus in episode 232.
"Thank you for taking care of Samus for me," Cortex thanked Face McShooty, before handing the menace to society some cash. Tom Nook and Isabelle found themselves dismayed. "Had she remained a candidate, she would've exposed me!"
"Yeah buddy - I got money AND I got shot in the face!" cheered Face McShooty, before doing some happy dance that Cortex couldn't help but be amused at. "FACEFACEFACEFACEFACE!"
"Cortex didn't want Samus to expose him, over some imposter stuff," X said to Tom Nook and Isabelle, slightly alluding to the Zoroark imposter incident that occurred several weeks ago. "Getting her in trouble was his way of dealing with her."
"Show them the electronic organizers!" Fuuka suggested to X, who nodded as he fast-forwarded through the security footage. There was footage of Cortex, messing around with a couple of electronic organizers.
"So Itsuki is just gonna be giving these out, like candy?" Pit asked Cortex, while he was holding an electronic organizer in his hand. "Can I have one, Dr. Cortex?"
"No, Pit, those organizers are part of my diabolical plan!" replied Cortex, as he was forcing his screwdriver down one of the organizers. After giving much thought, however, Cortex changed his mind. "Eh...I'll let you have a non-effective one."
"Score!" Pit was in high spirits, jumping up and raising his fists. "Oh, and one mroe thing - I'm still supposed to get Itsuki in hot water somehow, right?"
"That will be our second option, if these organizers don't malfunction like I want them to. I must thin the herd, if it means getting one step closer to being man of the mansion!"
X: I had a gut feeling that Cortex would tap into his villainous ways, just to get some authority role at the mansion...but I never would've imagined that he would go out as much as he did. I guess he really does feel more inspired when he has far more accomplished friends at his side. Case in point, Dr. Brio.
X and Fuuka wouldn't end the security footage just yet, for the search committee still had much to see. X fast-forwarded, showing footage of Cortex stuffing $3,000 underneath Minato's pillow.
"Well I never..." frowned Tom Nook, feeling even more disappointed as Cortex wrote a post-it note and placed it on the $3,000. "...we falsely eliminated Minato! And Cortex even wrote that terrible note, about me being the world's biggest child trafficker..."
"He's not far from the truth," remarked X, fast-forwarding through the footage as Tom Nook gave the pacifist robot an alarmed look. The next piece of footage revealed Cortex speaking with Bowser, who was dressed up as Willy Wonka at the time.
"So I should say that the golden ticket idea was Lucina's idea, and not mine," Bowser said to Cortex, not distrusting the evil genius even for a second. Real respect when it came to evil villains engaging with one another.
"It will definitely get you out of trouble," replied Cortex, as Tom Nook found himself shaking his head while Isabelle let out a disappointed sigh. "Also, nobody would expect Lucina, so the 'culprit' wouldn't be an obvious one."
"I think you're right about that, Dr. Cortex. Thanks a bunch!" X fast-forwarded through the security footage, before finding footage of Cortex speaking with Lucario and Meta Knight at the picnic a few weeks ago.
"Are you being serious?" Meta Knight spoke with Cortex, while there was a volleyball game taking place in the background. "Crazy Hand has yet to pay the tower's mortgage?"
"Overheard Tom Nook and Isabelle discuss it one day," replied Cortex, as Tom Nook and Isabelle began to wonder when Cortex was eavesdropping on them. "I'd recommend bringing it up during your sketch, just to bring attention to the tower residents. If it's cool with Mario."
"Well, we're kind of strapped for ideas at the moment..." stated Lucario, thinking to himself as he thought about his and Meta Knight's course of action. "...I suppose it won't hurt."
"That's all we could find, regarding Cortex," X said to Tom Nook and Isabelle, who were feeling bad about themselves as Fuuka closed out of the application. "Might be some footage of that paper-mache bust being crafted, but that's not important right now."
"I take that addressing Cortex isn't out of the question?" Fuuka asked the search committee, no doubt aware of how angry and disappointed they were with Cortex. And Pit as well, since he assisted Cortex a few times.
"Thank you, you two...Isabelle and I have seen enough," Tom Nook said to X and Fuuka, having a myriad of things that he wanted to get off his chest to Cortex. "I'm afraid that Dr. Cortex is a dead man walking..."
The deed was done by Pit, after the angel had thrown Link and Cloud inside the Empty Room. Cortex and Pit were celebrating in the foyer, exchanging high-fives while Brio looked on.
"Up high!" shouted Pit, holding his hand up high as Cortex high-fived it. "Down low!" Pit then held his hand down low, and Cortex tried to high-five it only for Pit to move his hand away. "Nope! Too slow!"
"Did you mean that mentally, or physically?" Uka asked Pit out of curiosity, as Cortex gave the floating mask a glare. The charades would come to an end, as the search committee came down the steps with X and Fuuka.
"Tom Nook and Isabelle, hello!" Cortex greeted the tanooki and shih tzu, and both of them weren't in a happy mood. "What brings you both to my presence?"
"You're in deep trouble, Dr. Cortex...real deep trouble," Tom Nook said to the evil genius, who looked confused for a second before bursting into laughter.
"Trouble for what? Being too smart? Being too handsome? Or is it both?"
"Well you certainly aren't handsome..." replied Isabelle, as she crushed Cortex's ever-decreasing self esteem. "...but you sure are a very manipulative man, Dr. Cortex."
"Eh, what can I say...I'm a villain. It's in my DNA." Brio looked on precariously, as he saw Fuuka taking out her laptop.
"Dr. Cortex, would you like to explain your actions in this security footage we found?" Tom Nook asked the genius, as Fuuka played the security footage from earlier on her laptop. Cortex watched the footage, feeling guilty as he didn't know what to say. "These actions caused the other candidates to be eliminated!"
"That...that is fake footage. All of it is fake. Someone made that footage just to make me look bad, and ruin my reputation!"
"I don't know, this looks very much like you, Cortex..." Tom Nook couldn't help but shake his head, as he watched the footage play out on the laptop screen.
"That can't possibly be me, whoever that is must be an imposter. Disgusting behavior!"
"Yeah, I don't even remember doing any of those things!" stated Pit, as he stood up for Cortex while Brio nervously twiddled with his fingers. ""The angel in that footage must be Dark Pit, disguised as me. He's the one responsible!"
"You tell 'em, Pit! Dark Pit wanted to see me fail, so he screwed around with the male candidates just to screw me over. Isn't that right, Dr. Brio?"
"Actually, to tell you the truth..." replied a still nervous Brio, as Cortex proudly smirked, waiting for his best friend to defend his name. "...all that security footage is legit. Cortex really did those things."
"Exactly! So you can take that fake footage, and shove it up your...WHAT?!" Cortex looked shocked at Brio, amazed that his own friend outed him like that.
"Cortex did all those things, and then some. All to get that man of the mansion job. And all I did was stay on the sidelines, and watch it unfold..."
"I can't believe you, Cortex...couldn't get what you want the hard way," Tom Nook shook his head at the evil genius, as Cortex was alarmed by Brio's betrayal. "And to think that you were playing nice the whole time..."
"Brio, how could you do this to me?" Cortex asked his friends, wanting answers as he was feeling more hurt by the second. "How can you do this to me?!"
"For years, I've been wasting away, in your shadow..." replied Brio, revealing that his intentions to out Cortex had a personal touch to them. "...and the same thing happened while at this mansion, serving as your VP. I felt helpless, while you soaked in all the limelight. But no more! I've felt powerless long enough, and the need to speak up hasn't been any bigger!"
Uka: Exposed by your best friend, by a man you put all your trust in...that can only happen to a guy like Cortex. *laughs*
"Pardon me, everyone, but Mario and the others need some glitter," Copper said to Tom Nook and company, as he and Booker came inside the foyer. "Tom Nook, you know where we can find some?"
"Copper and Booker! I need you boys to do me a favor first," Tom Nook said to the canine duo, as Cortex nervously gulped and feared for the worst. "I need you to escort Cortex and Pit out of the mansion."
"What about Uka, do we escort him out as well?" inquired Booker, as Uka scoffed at the question. Only Uka could escort himself out of the mansion.
"Please, I barely need any escorting myself!" shouted Uka, asserting his dominance as he floated high above in the air. "Why should I be escorted for stuff I had no part of?"
"Cortex can't survive with Pit, let alone with himself..." said Tom Nook as he scratched his chin, with Uka looking on with unbridled fury. "...I'd suggest escorting Uka out as well. If it means keeping Cortex alive."
"You do realize I'm a magical mask that can just vanish away at free will, right?" In response to Uka's question, Copper took out a net and threw it on Uka, sending the floating mask down to the floor. "Dang it..."
"This is for your own good, you two," Tom Nook said to Cortex and Pit, as Copper tied up Uka inside the net. "Hopefully you boys will learn your lesson. Don't know when we'll let you back in, but consider this an indefinite ban..."
"I am so sorry...I had to say something," Brio apologized to Cortex, watching as the evil genius and Pit were escorted out of the mansion by Copper and Booker. Cortex was giving Brio a death glare, with his teeth clenched.
"I thought I could trust you, Brio...thought we were friends!" Cortex called out to the genius, before he and Pit (and Uka) were taken out of the mansion for good, with Copper slamming the front door.
"Pretty noble thing you did there, calling out Cortex," X said to Brio, who was showing some signs of regret over exposing Cortex. "Poor guy's gonna be ticked off with you forever!"
"It had to be done, I'm afraid," remarked Tom Nook, glad that Brio confirmed the security footage to be legit. "Now we know what Cortex's been up to over the past few months."
"My apologies for not speaking out earlier," Brio apologized to the search committee, as he wished he had the courage to speak out much sooner. "Should've spoken up while I had the chance. With that out of the way...NOW, CRANKY!"
Before they even had time to react, Tom Nook and Isabelle were scooped up by Cranky Kong, who showed up in the foyer as he stuffed Tom Nook and Isabelle inside a sack. X and Fuuka were both blindsighted by Cranky, as they couldn't rescue the search committee in time.
"Sayonara, suckers!" Cranky taunted X and Fuuka, before taking out the smoke bomb Brio had given him and dropping it on the floor. A thick cloud of dust suddenly filled the foyer, as X and Fuuka found themselves coughing. Once the smoke went away...Brio and Cranky were gone!
"Hey, what was that?" questioned X as he looked around the foyer. As if Brio and Cranky would just nonchalantly come back after making their epic getaway. "Where did those two run off to?"
"And what was Cranky Kong doing with Brio?" asked Fuuka, asking an arguably more important question at the moment. "Something fishy's going on here..."
Falco still had Anna's sword, and the avian pilot wanted to know how to use said sword properly. So he asked a swordsman, Roy, to show him the ropes.
"So when I do a counter, do I hold my sword like this?" Falco asked Roy, as he held the sword downwards like how Marth and Lucina would. "Or should I hold it over my head, to assert my dominance over the opponent?"
"Why do you even need a sword for...?" Roy asked Falco, who was striking all sorts of poses with Anna's sword. Falco should be on the cover of the next issue of Swordsman Weekly.
"Imagine a space pilot, wielding both a space gun and a sword...he'd be more top-tier than Bayonetta and Joker combined." As Falco continued to strike poses, X and Fuuka showed up.
"Hey, have you two seen Tom Nook and Isabelle around?" X asked Roy and Falco, worried about the safety of the two mentioned individuals. "Or even Dr. Brio and Cranky Kong? We just asked Mario and the others outside."
"No, we haven't seen them around, really," replied Roy, while Falco didn't seem to care about the situation as he kept on striking poses. "Why do you ask?"
"Well it just happened out of nowhere, but...Tom Nook and Isabelle were kidnapped. By Cranky Kong and Dr. Brio, I believe." That got Falco to stop, as the avian pilot looked at X.
"Did they kidnap Kazooie as well?" Falco excitedly asked X, who just gave the avian pilot a blank stare. "Sorry for asking..."
At least Master Hand hasn't made it back to the mansion yet...right?