I'll put a trigger warning on this one, just to be safe.
Chapter 15
To remember with you
Effie had been in the shower for over 20 minutes. Haymitch heard her where he lay on the bed. She hadn't uttered a word during the walk home and he was too shaken to know what to say.
Alexander. It never even occurred to him it could be her child. A cousin, a brother maybe or even a sweetheart but her own kid? Because if Effie was pregnant shouldn't he have known about it?
The Games season was only a few weeks in the summer and true, he'd been drunk off his ass for most of their years together but still, could he really have been that thick? Unless it was before she became an escort but somehow he seriously doubted that possibility.
No, it must have happened some time during their early years. She wouldn't be able to hide a pregnancy later on when they got to know each other better. He would have noticed something was different.
He remembered her back then. Effie Trinket, new on the post. The very embodiment of her city who would blurt out comments that absolutely stunned him. He'd spent most of his days ignoring her, wasted and engaged in really ugly daydreams. And whatever high thoughts she might have had of him, he effectively smushed them the very first day.
Not that they were ever the dream team. But if Katniss and Peeta thought their mentor and escort fought a lot, it was still better than how it used to be. In the beginning their relationship was like a grenade flung over the sky. And the strange thing was, when it finally did explode and they had their first, real fight things actually got better between them after that.
He'd surprised even himself when he took the blame for the broken statue. Effie always started to throw things if you got her angry enough. And the things he'd said, like "You're here because you wanna be" and "You don't give a fuck about the kids you send off to die", well, it was really his fault. He took the blame because it was the first time he'd gotten a real emotion out of her. The first time he realized maybe she didn't sleep as well as he thought.
Perhaps it was too big a stretch to say they became friends that night. But it was the first tiny step they took towards each other instead of away.
But before that, Haymitch was the last person she'd ever go to with any personal matters. And when neither of them wanted to spend a second longer together than they had to he guessed it wasn't hard to hide a secret. For all he knew she could've given birth just before the Games began.
And if Effie did have a child, what happened to the child?
Haymitch pulled himself off the bed. The bathroom door was locked of course but he put the edge of his knife to good use and walked into the steam.
"Eff." He saw her shadow behind the shower curtain. When there was no answer he pulled his shirt over his head, got out of all the rest of his clothes and gently drew the curtains apart so he could step inside.
Effie's eyes were red and swollen when they met his and without a word Haymitch wrapped his arms around her.
He would have lifted all the pain and sorrow that crushed her down and carried it for her. Without a moment's hesitation. But he knew all he could do was let her know he was here for her now. That he'd never leave her alone in it again. And as the shower rained down on them Effie sobbed, enveloped in his embrace and this time she didn't pull away.
Afterwards they sat on the edge of the bed together. Dressed in a bathrobe and with Haymitch's arm around her waist Effie placed the large, old box on her lap. Not the box filled with embroideries that he'd found by chance but a similar one, with the name Alexander Trinket written in her careful hand-writing.
Effie handled the items inside with such delicacy, like she was touching a part of the newborn they had once belonged to. A soft receiving blanket, a cream-coloured romper she'd embroidered with ladybugs and the initials A.T. Pacifiers, baby bottles with butterfly patterns on them. Tiny, blue socks, a gray stuffed elephant.
And so she told him. Everything.
She never planned to become an escort. Not initially. Her dream was to study architecture but she signed up for the Games courses for the same reason she did anything growing up.
To make her parents proud.
Mr. and Mrs. Trinket had worshipped their little girl. They tried to have a baby for so long and when Euphemia was born they were convinced she would accomplish great things and make them very envied and talked-about. They needed only look at their daughter to know she would grow into a beautiful and talented young lady who would finally shower their family in glory.
To the people of the Capitol, life was like a never-ending game of King of the hill. Your place and your reputation in the city's hierarchy was something you had to fight for, every day. You could climb high on the ladder and you could get pushed all the way down. All at the drop of a hat.
So it came as a terrible shock to her parents when they discovered that, while Effie did OK, she was never the best. No matter how many contests they entered her in she was just like the rest of their family. Mediocre.
Her childhood became a quest to keep her mother's eyes from flooding with tears and her father's face to close off with disappointment and confusion. To prove to the world she was worth something.
She was young and naïve. And the life of an escort was so highly spoken of. A quick and easy way to gain fame and fortune. The ticket to a glamorous lifestyle filled with parties and televised events, interesting people and a chance to work with the famous victors of Panem.
Reality hit her like a sledgehammer the very first year. And Haymitch Abernathy, the fierce and handsome victor she remembered from the screen, laughed at her and said, "Life's not as pretty as the posters, eh?"
She wanted out. But even if she tried to resign after her contract ended they would demand a legitimate reason and she had none.
She kept her mouth shut. It was the only thing you could do. You shared brightly coloured little pills. You didn't share the ugliness of the Games. Besides, who would she dare tell? Definitely not her parents who were giddy over the fact they could tell all their friends and neighbors their daughter was now one of Panem's twelve escorts.
So, one night after the end of her second Games she got incredibly drunk at a party and woke the next day with a splitting headache, naked in a stranger's bed.
His name was Maximinus Kane. He was already up when she woke. A tall, dark-haired man who worked with advertising new victors. He was older than her but not a lot.
And a living block of ice.
She hardly remembered anything from last night and could not get her clothes back on any faster. She took a cab to the nearest drugstore and when she swallowed the morning after pill only prayed he told her the truth when he said they used protection. That she'd be forgiven for this mistake.
But she got pregnant all the same.
Weeks passed and she didn't tell anyone. If she couldn't prove who the father was, people at the Games Headquarters would be involved. They kept a very close watch to make sure the mentors and victors didn't procreate with the citizens of the Capitol. And whatever she decided to do about her situation, her secret would become everyone's property.
She'd never felt so alone. Very aware of the fact she couldn't hide forever. And the morning she noticed the slight swelling on her lower abdomen she knew she had to talk with Kane.
It took days to get a meeting with him and when she finally told him she expected a fit. That he'd curse and accuse her of lying.
He did neither. Kane was as cool and polite as ever. He tapped his fingers against the desk. That was the only reaction she got.
"Well, we can't have that," he said. "I'll go and make my part for the paternity test this afternoon. It will save you some time when you have the appointment. Anything else?"
"But I couldn't do it, Haymitch," Effie said, eyes shiny with unshed tears. "I knew I had put myself in a colossal mess when I slept with Kane but I couldn't do it. He called two weeks later to make sure the matters we discussed were all taken care of and when I told him, he said we had nothing more to say to each other."
She went and rented herself a small apartment downtown. She couldn't stay at home. Not with mother who wept over the fact her first grandchild would be a bastard and father who couldn't even speak of it. The predicament she was in caused the usual stir of gossip but eventually it died away again with juicier news found elsewhere. After all, children were born out of wedlock in the Capitol all the time.
And so she made a life for herself and her baby girl. A girl who wouldn't have a father. That thought hurt more than anything else but when she felt the baby kick, those were happy moments. She already loved her so much.
Months would pass before she saw Kane again. But one morning she found a letter on her doormat. A message and a wish for her to come and meet him at the coffee shop on Heaven's Square.
There he apologized for his behavior and said he wanted to take responsibility for what was his. That they ought to get married.
He never said what caused his change of heart so completely. She knew next to nothing about him or who he was. But she wanted to do what was best for her child.
He warmed up a little during the pregnancy. Not so much to Effie but the baby and that was all that really mattered. He spent more and more time over at her place, said they could name her Adora and that the two of them would move in with him as soon as they were married.
When Effie was close to nine months he had to attend a photo shoot in District 1. He said he'd be home again before she delivered but the stay got prolonged and when her water broke he wasn't with her. She had his number and made the hospital call but they never got in touch with him. He didn't return until two days after she'd given birth. And not to a girl it turned out.
"It was Alex," said Effie and the tears spilled over her lashes, rolling down her face. "He looked just like him but everything changed after that. From the moment Kane visited us in the hospital. He could hardly even hold him. It was like a door had been shut. He pretended like nothing was wrong, helped me with the baby when they released us from the hospital and only shrugged me off when I tried to talk to him. I said we ought to go see a doctor. That it might be postpartum depression but he said it was an illness only mothers got and that I should leave him alone. I told myself it would get better with time but…"
Tears dropped down in to the romper in Effie's hands and Haymitch didn't let go of her. He'd seen Kane. On television. Dark brown hair. Dead eyes. One of the few of Snow's accomplices who were sentenced to jail, not death.
"When Alex was three weeks old he got colic. He cried all night long. I held him. I feed him. I did everything to try and sooth him. Kane was with me and I badly needed do use the bathroom. I only handed Alex over to him for a moment…"
"Oh, Effie," Haymitch mumbled and she finished her story between sobs.
How she heard Kane screaming at him to "Shut up!" and the sudden silence. The sight of Alexander's lifeless body in his arms. The hours at the hospital and how they had to drag her out of the room. And Kane who never followed them into the ambulance. Protected from any consequences he only broke off the engagement and told everyone their son died in his sleep.
Haymitch's face was ashen. He held Effie who had no more words left, only sobs and he knew why she'd kept this a secret from him all this time.
"It wasn't your fault, Effie."
He wanted her to believe him. To make her see it was the truth. But Effie wept, face hidden against his neck and he knew it was futile. She would never be able to not blame herself for how things went. A feeling he knew all too well.
Maybe they weren't so different after all.
Outside, the Capitol partied on. He heard their shouts and laughter. Whatever day of the week it was they always found a reason to celebrate something. To show to the world how happy and satisfying and perfect their lives were. On the surface, anyway.
Effie looked up at him if only for a moment.
"Take me home."
xXx
News of the former escort's flare-up had spread like wildfire. And even the most self-absorbed among them couldn't keep from staring when they saw her now.
What could compel her to do such a thing? As if the rest of it wasn't enough! Her hair! Her real, reddish blonde hair (not styled in the slightest) flew around her face as she hurried passed with Haymitch Abernathy.
People mumbled amongst themselves and pointed and Haymitch took a firm hold on Effie's hand, pulling her through the crowd.
With someone like Gloria at the head of the group, the Capitol would whisper about them anyway if they never had before. And frankly, he couldn't care less.
They reached the station in the nick of time. Not a minute after they hopped onto the train, the attendants slammed the doors shut. And Haymitch, he had no sooner made the bed in their sleeping car before Effie went over to it.
He watched as she burrowed under the covers and that was never a good sign.
He had to think of something.
Author's note: Wanted to take a moment and thank all of you for your amazing response throughout the story and especially during the last chapter. It means a lot that you enjoy reading ToS and it really helps me to keep on writing and posting it. So thanks to every single one of you and I'll see you in the next chapter!