Author's Note:
This chapter will mark the debut of the new Minecraft characters coming to Smash - Steve, Alex, Zombie, and Enderman. Also, you may also notice that this chapter was published much later than you may have anticipated. I have decided to post new chapters around midnight on Fridays, so that you can read them on Saturdays. That way, I'll be able to take Saturdays off from now on (as opposed to Fridays). Personally, I just wanted to do what was best for me. And with that taken care of...enjoy!
Episode 251: Headless
For years, many have speculated - or even clamored - about the idea of Minecraft Steve being in Smash. For the most part, the concept of Steve being a Smash fighter was nothing more than a meme, much like Sans and Ridley.
But, as time went on, fate would have its own weird way of working things out. Ridley, after many years of critics claiming that he was too big for Smash, got in as a Smash fighter. Sans, who some argued that he wasn't worthy enough of being on the Smash roster, would find his way in...albeit with a Mii costume made in his likeness. Better take what you can get.
And now, it was Steve's moment to shine, as the everyday hero of Minecraft was now the newest addition to Smash. And he wouldn't be alone, for a few of his pals would also join the Smash fray - Alex, Zombie, and even Enderman. For the sake of the mansion residents, let's hope that only one Enderman would be allowed...
Being that they were the man and woman of the mansion, respectively, Master Hand entrusted Cloud and Zelda to introduce Steve and others to the residents. So, Cloud and Zelda gathered up all the residents, and the neighbors, and assembled them in the lecture hall for the big introduction. With chatter in the lecture hall at an all-time high (or at least somewhere close to it), Cloud and Zelda were busy getting ready backstage.
"I have to say, Zelda, this eyeliner looks nice on you," Researcher Zelda said to the princess, as she was applying some making to her face backstage. "Compliments your features so well!"
"I beg to differ...but to each their own," responded Zelda, before looking over and seeing Cloud by himself, just chilling. "Shouldn't you be getting ready yourself, Cloud?"
"Ready for what? Not like I'm going on some snazzy date somewhere," replied Cloud, before moving away from the wall he was resting against. "Just introduce some new people, and then call it a day."
"Wouldn't call it a day just yet - Cloud might ask you to show Steve and his friends around the mansion. And by ask, I mean force..."
"Do you want some lipstick?" Researcher Zelda asked Zelda, taking out some red lipstick. She wanted Zelda to look like she was completely on her A-game.
"No, thank you - but I'll take some chapstick. Just don't lather it on..."
Zelda: I've asked Researcher Zelda to be my own little personal assistant. I imagined it would be a great opportunity for her, just to get her more involved around the mansion. Maybe over time, she can be my equal. And then Sonic will finally put an end to his dreams of an "absolute diarchy"...
Sonic: The search committee had the perfect opportunity to make Zelda and Mitsuru the mansion's own power trip. Heck, they could've done the same with Link and Cloud, and I wouldn't even be mad about it. The opportunity literally fell in their laps, and what did they do? NOTHING! That's why this mansion will never move forward - the people in charge have a one-track mind, and are too scared to shake things up! Bunch of scaredy cats...
Master Hand was present at the lecture hall stage, watching as the residents were chatting among themselves. Seated in the front row were Mario and Peach, with the former interested in seeing how Cloud and Zelda handled today's proceedings.
"Steve, Alex, Zombie, and Enderman have finally arrived at the mansion, Master Hand," Isabelle informed the giant hand, filling him with much delight. Master Hand had long waited to add Steve to the mansion, and now his dream was coming true.
"Excellent! But what took them so long?" inquired Master Hand, hoping that Steve and friends didn't encounter an untimely accident on their way to the mansion. "Told them to be here before one o'clock!"
"Steve said that he and Alex were doing a lot of building, on their way to the mansion. Don't be surprised if you see a bunch of houses down the street. Pixelated houses, I mean. Pixelated houses, with blocks..."
"Shut it, Isabelle, I get it now..." Master Hand looked behind him and saw Cloud and Zelda onstage. "Ah, there you two are. Ready to get this show on the road?"
"I guess," replied Cloud; Master Hand expected a bit more enthusiasm from the swordsman, but an "I guess" would suffice for now.
"The four newbies are all backstage. Just give me the cue for when you want to start the introduction."
"We're ready to start now, woman! Do you think we're just gonna stand around onstage, like idiots? Good grief..."
Saving herself some trouble, Isabelle handed Cloud and Zelda their mics, before scurrying off the stage. Master Hand, Cloud, and Zelda would face the crowd, commanding their attention as the noise level in the lecture hall died down.
"Welcome, everyone, for this historic occasion," Zelda spoke, as she started things off while Cloud kept to himself. "As you all know, we'll be welcoming four new fighters today. Not only to Smash, but to the..."
"When do we get free Xboxes?" shouted out Pit, who had been longing to play the Xbox in the mansion without scrutiny. Just by mentioning the mere gaming console, the angel suddenly drew the ire of Master Hand.
"That won't be necessary, Pit..." Zelda sounded nervous as she looked over at Master Hand, who was being consoled by Isabelle and Cloud. "...moving right along, these new fighters will be living with us at the mansion, so I want you all to be on your best behavior and give them a good first impression."
"I'd much rather be on my worst behavior," complained Bowser, as he grumpily folded his arms. "Can't force a grown man like me to behave, princess!"
"If you don't like it, then you can be a grown man and leave the mansion if you want..." And just like that, Bowser stopped pouting. Master Hand would feel less incensed, as he found himself thoroughly impressed by how Zelda handled Bowser.
"Yeah, what she said - watch your mouth, Bowser," Cloud said to the koopa king, as Master Hand found the swordsman's retort to be extremely weak. He wanted to have a talk with Cloud, pronto. "Now give it up, everyone, for the new guys...Steve, Alex, Zombie, and Enderman, come on out."
The four newcomers from Minecraft came out, as Steve, Alex, and Enderman joined Cloud and the others onstage. Everyone was excited to see Steve, as many did not expect the craftsman to EVER be in the mansion, let alone in Smash.
"Hello, I am Steve," Steve waved and greeted the crowd, speaking in a computerized voice. Oddly fitting voice for him. "It is a pleasure to meet you all."
"And I am Alex," Alex also waved and greeted the crowd, speaking in a computerized voice as well. Pit took a curious look at the female crafter. "It is a pleasure to meet you all as well."
"Master Hand, you lied - you said that one of the four was a woman," Pit said to the giant hand, putting himself in hot water by accusing Master Hand of lying. Such an accusation could risk Pit of being banned from the mansion indefinitely!
"Pit you silly goose, Alex is a woman," Master Hand informed the angel, who had to do a double-take at Alex just to make sure. "She has a ponytail, don't you see? I don't blame you if you couldn't tell."
Pit: Alex is a girl name? Does that mean this whole time, Alex Trebek was a woman?! My life continues to be a big, fat lie!
"Don't forget about the two other newbies - Zombie, and Enderman," said Zelda, bringing everyone's attention to Zombie and Enderman. Zombie was moving about on the stage like...well, like a zombie, while Enderman just stood in place. "Whatever you do, don't stare directly at Enderman..."
"Like this?" demonstrated Yoshi, as he made the foolish decision to look straight into the eyes of Enderman. Suddenly provoked, Enderman quickly went into attack mode as it rushed over to Yoshi and attacked him. "HELP, SOMEONE HELP ME!"
"Isabelle!" Master Hand called out to Isabelle, who quickly rushed to action as she ran backstage and came out with a bucket of water. Isabelle ran over to Enderman and doused the water over it, subduing it as it came back to its senses.
"Thanks, Isabelle, you're a lifesaver..." Yoshi thanked the shih tzu, as Enderman nonchalantly returned to the lecture hall stage. It should be lucky that Isabelle had only used a small amount of water...otherwise it would've been done for!
"Psst, Cloud...ask Steve to do the moonwalk," Master Hand whispered to Cloud; Cloud decided against it at first, but Master Hand giggling gave the swordsman no choice in the matter.
"Uh, Steve, can you do the moonwalk?" Cloud asked the craftsman, with a hint of reluctance in his voice.
"Why of course I can!" Steve happily replied before he walked backward on the lecture hall stage. Master Hand was eating it up.
"LOOK AT HIM MOONWALKING ON THE STAGE!" the giant hand wheezed, as Steve was walking back-and-forth in a backward motion like it was nobody's business. Master Hand fell on his back, as he laughed away.
"I don't like this, it feels like he's mocking Steve..." Zelda said to Cloud concerning Master Hand, who wished that Crazy Hand was around to witness Steve's "moonwalking" prowess.
"Not gonna lie, watching Steve walk like that is kind of funny," shrugged Cloud, only to garner a frown from Zelda that made the swordsman quickly change his mind. "Like, funny, but in an...strange sort of way..."
"Phew...I really needed that laugh," remarked Master Hand, his laughing fit finally coming to an end as he recomposed himself and picked himself up off the stage. He then saw Alex, picking away at the stage with a pickaxe. "Alex, what on earth are you doing to my stage?"
"I am mining for resources," explained Alex, acquiring materials such as wood, stone, and even diamond through mining. "Resources that Steve and I will need for building new projects."
"she seems to be very picky," joked Sans, leading to a "ba-dum-tiss" sound; Master Hand looked over and saw that the sound came from Ludwig, who was manning a drum set.
"Get that crap out of my lecture hall..." Master Hand commanded Ludwig, who hurriedly grabbed the drum set and ran out of the lecture hall. Master Hand then reverted his attention back to Alex. "What kind of projects are we talking about here, Alex?"
"Any kind of project," replied Alex, who immediately stopped mining after she acquired all the resources she needed. "Houses, armor, statues..."
"Statues as in, statues that you can put up for display?" That got Master Hand real curious. "How about we make a deal..."
As part of the deal he made, Master Hand asked Steve and Alex to craft some statues with whatever materials they could gather around the mansion. Wanted to display the statues in something akin to a wax museum. Master Hand gave Steve and Alex a list of what kind of statues he wanted, and Steve and Alex went to work right away.
Master Hand: When I first started up the Smash Mansion, one of the dreams I had in mind was having a wax museum. Sadly, none of the residents have enough of a creative flair to make a wax statue; Yusuke was my only option, but he's more interested in making artwork of women that he would never get to meet in real life. Provided said women are actual people; otherwise he's just delusional. But thankfully, Steve and Alex fell right into my lap, and now my wax museum dream can come true! Albeit without any wax.
Isabelle: The original plan was to display the statues in the basement, but we threw all the Creepers down there to live with the Rabbids. We'll have the statues on display in the lounge, as a test run.
Once Steve and Alex were done with crafting the statues, Master Hand asked Mr. Game and Watch to assemble the statues in the lounge, having the 2-D man remove all the furniture and stuff. Once all the statues were put on display, Master Hand rounded up as many residents as he could, and brought them to the lounge so they could get a first-hand at his genius.
"Behold, the Smash Mansion Minecraft Museum!" announced Master Hand, with his hard workers Steve and Alex standing underneath him. "It shall be one of our most popular attractions...unless I forget all about it. We got 'em all! Gahndi, Captain Hook, some kind of, I don't know, tiki mask man?"
"That's totally Jimmy Butler..." stated Little Mac, having to make out the statue's face. Discerning the face and physical qualities of the statues was easier for some than others.
"And now for my personal favorite: George Washington! Right over..." Master Hand looked over and gasped when he saw a few Creepers damaging the George Washington statue. "Oh! Oh no! Come on, who let the Creepers in here? Yoshi, I'm looking in your direction!
"I thought the creepers were supposed to be our friends..." Yoshi shrugged innocently, as Steve and Alex came to the rescue and defeated the Creepers with their diamond swords. The Creepers were taken care of, but the damage they dealt to the statue of George Washington remained.
"Steve, Alex, is there a way you can repair this statue?" Master Hand asked the two craftsmen, who both put their diamond swords away. "If it's not too much trouble..."
"We ran out of materials, but we can gather some more if you like," replied Steve, as Master Hand let out an exasperated sigh; his new attraction at the mansion was already off to a bad start.
"Aw, cheer up, Master Hand," Peach said to the giant hand, coming over and patting him gently for some reassurance. "Where's that smile?"
"I'm just a giant hand...I can't smile," replied Master Hand – but he sure can consume food, for some apparent reason. "And stop patting it, I'm not you're stupid pet!"
"Don't worry, Master Hand - I can help Steve and Alex make a new statue from scratch!" Mechanica offered her assistance, raising Master Hand's spirits. If Mechanica could build a giant robot suit, then crafting a bunch of Minecraft statues would be a piece of cake for her.
"You really think you can make-a one of those bad-a boys?" Mario asked Mechanica, who responded with a confident nod of her head.
Mechanica: Some say I'm only good at building robots and such, but little do they know that I'm also a crafts master. Why do you think I always have this glue gun stuck to my arm? *holds up arm, which has a glue gun glued to it; shakes arm* Eugh, eugh, get it off!
"Now that's what I like to see, some initiative!" exclaimed Master Hand, disgusted that nobody else around stepped up to the plate like Mechanica had done. "I like your gumption, girl!"
"I don't know what that word means, but thank you!" Mechanica thanked Master Hand, as she hoped to not let the giant hand down.
Sonic walked out of the vending machine room, as he opened a can of Pepsi he got from the vending machine. The blue hedgehog took a sip of his Pepsi, walking down the hallway...
"Sonic!" exclaimed Amy, causing Sonic to choke on his soda. Good thing Sonic didn't drink that much. "Mechanica told me about how she was making Minecraft statues with the new guys, Steve and Alex, and I have a few ideas in mind that I want to pitch to her. Just wanted your thoughts!"
"Alright then, shoot," said Sonic, as Amy showed her boyfriend a sketch she had drawn in her sketchbook. The sketch looked crazy enough to make Sonic furrow his brow, as he felt concerned. "What am I even looking at?"
"An idea I have for a statue, silly! She's part princess and part dolphin. Was gonna do a mermaid, but I changed my mind..."
"M-Maybe you should carve something from real life." Sonic wanted to ask Amy what her inspiration for the drawing came from, but he was already frightened enough.
"Okay then..." Amy flipped over the page on her sketchbook, showing Sonic another idea she drew. "...what about...a strawberry shortcake, with eyes and a mouth!"
"Yeah, uh, okay...or, you know, something else. Like, someone in the mansion." Amy looked around for someone she could draw before her eyes fell prey upon Captain Falcon.
"Sonic, Amy, have you two seen my bodysuit?" Captain Falcon asked the two hedgehogs, showing up in nothing but his briefs and yellow scarf. The racer would step on a briefcase lying on the floor, looking and striking a pose...which gave Amy an inspiration, as her eyes grew big.
"Oh, muse, you work in mysterious ways..." said the inspired Amy, turning around as she looked up at the ceiling beaming with excitement.
"Why's your girlfriend talking to the ceiling?" Captain Falcon asked Sonic, who wished that he knew the answer himself.
Having drawn Captain Falcon in her sketchbook, Amy pitched the drawing to Mechanica, Steve, and Alex – and all three approved the idea. The three got to work, with Steve and Alex gathering the resources, and Mechanica using said resources to patch the statue together. Amy met with Mechanica and company in the lounge, taking a look at the final product of Captain Falcon – in statue form.
"I think...it needs more glitter," Amy offered her two cents, taking a step back as she got a better look at the Captain Falcon statue.
"Agreed," responded Steve, as he took out a readily-prepared bucket of glitter and tossed it over the statue. As the glitter rained over the statue, Captain Falcon entered the lounge, with his bodysuit on. But his shoes were still missing.
"I found my bodysuit but now I'm missing my..." the racer said before he looked up, and saw the Minecraft statue of himself. Falcon screamed as he fell over.
"What do you think?" Alex asked Captain Falcon, who was lying flat on the floor. Slowly but surely, Captain Falcon sat up, seeing the statue in all its glory.
"I think...the Minecraft Museum's officially in business!" Invigorated by his statue, Captain Falcon got up and ran out of the lounge. "Wait until I tell Master Hand!"
As a request from Master Hand, Cloud and Zelda removed the Rabbids and Creepers temporarily from the basement, moving them somewhere else in the mansion. After Mr. Game and Watch cleaned up the basement, all the statues were transported from the lounge to the basement and put up on display. Fox was working a stand with Falco, as Master Hand asked a bunch of nearby locals to check out his Minecraft Museum...and yes, they had to pay to get in.
"I can't believe this many people showed up," Fox said to Falco, as he expected a pathetically small crowd to be present. A crowd so small, that it would've made Master Hand throw a hissy fit.
"I know, right? Master Hand probably bribed them or something," assumed Falco, accepting the cash while Timmy and Tommy counted up all the money accrued.
"He bribed me." Fox held up a dollar, and it was a hundred-dollar bill. Very generous from Master Hand.
"Got me as well." Falco also held up a dollar, as she too had a hundred-dollar bill. Both Fox and Falco shared a laugh, while Timmy and Tommy looked on feeling spiteful.
Lloyd: Okay, what wise guy thought it was a good idea to put the Rabbids AND the Creepers, all in my room? Either one of them is hard to deal with on their own...this must be some kind of online prank! *looks around* Where is that hidden camera?
Before the locals could enter the basement, they first had to hear a word from Master Hand, who was gathered outside with Mechanica, Steve, Alex, and all the Minecraft statues put on display.
"You all know me, folks!" Master Hand greeted the crowd outside, with some bitter about having to see Master Hand again. "Town darling, creator of the Smash universe, as you already know. Please, ladies, control yourselves!"
"Who is he talking to?" one of the ladies whispered, as another lady shrugged. Only Master Hand believed that he was a hoot with the ladies.
"As you know, I always bring the people of this fair town fun, whether it be a party or even a yard sale. But little do you know, that I also happen to be a pro when it comes to attractions! Behold...the mighty Captain Falcon!"
Steve and Alex uncovered the statue of Captain Falcon, lifting away the cover together. K.K. Slider, sitting behind a keyboard, made a fanfare sound as two people in the audience politely clapped. Not the kind of reception Master Hand was hoping for.
"And now a word from our very own...Mechanica!" Master Hand moved to the side, as K.K. Slider tossed a microphone to Mechanica. Mechanica caught the mic, as she faced the crowd.
"Thank you for coming!" Mechanica thanked the crowd, taking note of how interested some of the locals were. "I made this sculpture with my own two hands, with all the resources at my disposal!" Mechanica threw up her arms. "It's covered in my blood, sweat, tears..."
"...and other body fluids," Steve would finish for Mechanica, as the locals made disgusted faces and voiced their displeasure.
"That's...that's completely not true. I will now take questions!" Mechanica looked around and saw an old guy with his hand raised. "You there!"
"I just got a question - are those statues alive?" the old man asked Mechanica, appearing to be a bit paranoid. "And a follow-up question, can I survive the statue uprising?"
"Um...Yes! Yes, you can. Next question!" Mechanica pointed at a middle-aged man, who looked like some kind of blogger.
"Local Seattle gossiper here..." the man introduced himself as he stood up, holding a turkey baster as if it were a microphone. "...do you really think this constitutes a wonder of the world?"
"Your microphone's a turkey baster, buddy," Master Hand said to the man, who looked at the turkey baster in his hand and let out a deep sigh.
"It certainly is..." Having been exposed, the man sat back down in his chair, accepting how much of a failure he truly was.
"Real reporter, reporting in..." a TV reporter said as she stood up, holding an actual microphone. In her hand was a flyer. "Your flyers promised free pizza with admission to this event. Is this true?"
This caused discord among the locals, as they were complaining about the lack of pizza and demanding that they had their pizza right away. Master Hand analyzed the chaos that was unfolding now holding a grudge against the TV reporter for calling him out on the spot.
"That was a typo," replied Master Hand, as Mechanica, Steve, and Alex backing away before heading back inside the basement. "Peace out, everyone!" Master Hand disappeared, as Timmy and Tommy grabbed the money they collected and ran back inside.
"Wait, so there wasn't any pizza, like at all?" a slightly disappointed Falco asked Fox, as the now angered locals left the mansion.
K.K. Slider: I think that went well...for Master Hand that is. He screwed townsfolk out of their money, which was always a positive for him. But he doesn't have that Lamborghini anymore, so...don't know what he would need that money for.
Inside the mansion, Timmy and Tommy were counting up all the money Master Hand got, with Master Hand presiding over the two. where Stan is counting the money he got.
"Sweet baby Mashiro Sakurai! Look at all this cash!" exclaimed Master Hand, who got a lot more money than he originally anticipated. "And I owe it all to one person, this guy!" The giant hand pointed at the Captain Falcon statue, wanting to give it a kiss if he could.
"Ahem..." Steve cleared his throat, standing by with Mechanica and Alex. He and the others did not want their work to go unnoticed.
"Ooh! Yeah, you guys, too. You three are the real MVPs. Steve, Alex, get some more resources. Mechanica, you just keep doing your thing. We got another long day of fleecing rubes tomorrow!"
While Master Hand loved the Captain Falcon statue, Captain Falcon loved the statue himself, just as much – if not more. The racer loved it so much, that he was even hanging out with the statue while watching TV in the living room. A great substitute for whenever Nowi wasn't around.
"Ha! Knew that guy wasn't the one for her," laughed Captain Falcon as he was watching an episode of the Bachelorette – a show he wouldn't dare to watch out in the open unless Nowi was at his side. "Well, I'm gonna use the bathroom. You need anything?" Captain Falcon asked the statue, who...understandably said nothing, for obvious reasons. "I love this guy! Don't you go nowhere."
Meanwhile, at the Mario household, Mario was in the living room getting his '80s workout in. The plumber would be interrupted when Hunter approached him.
"Mario, you wanna have another race around the house?" Hunter asked the plumber, hoping to redeem himself from the last race. Spyro, who was resting on the living room sofa, looked up at Hunter with a skeptical glance.
"I wouldn't encourage doing it, Hunter," the purple dragon said to his cheetah friend, as the house phone started to ring. "You want to have your ankles broken for real, this time?"
"I'd go easy on-a him this time around," assured Mario, as he went over to pick up the phone. "Hello, Mario household, this-a is Mario speaking!"
"No...no...noooooo!" cried the person speaking on the phone, Captain Falcon, sounding like he was in distress. Crying in the background was Master Hand, sharing in Falcon's misery.
"Captain Falcon...is there some-a thing wrong? And what's with-a Master Hand crying? Don't tell me the Seattle Storm had to forfeit-a their WNBA championship!"
"It's my statue - the one that Mechanica and the new guys made in my likeness! He's been...m-murdered!"
Mario, Spyro, and Hunter went to the living room to investigate, and there they saw the Captain Falcon statue...completely headless. Captain Falcon and Master Hand, along with Mechanica and the two craftsmen, were there at the murder scene; Cloud, Link, Zelda, and Researcher Zelda inspected the statue while Captain Falcon explained the situation to the buddy cops.
"I got up to use the john, right?" Captain Falcon said to Toon Link and Young Link, who were listening to every word that came out from Falcon's mouth. "And when I come back, blammo! He's headless!
"All of our hard work...besmirched," Steve remarked, him and Alex feeling bummed out as Mechanica looked despondently at the decapitated statue.
"Who would do something like this?" Spyro asked Mario and Hunter; maybe it was one of the locals, seeking revenge on Master Hand for not bringing any pizza to the unveiling.
Link: Amy didn't take the beheading of the Captain Falcon statue lightly – when she saw the decapitated statue lying on the floor, she fainted in an instant! Usually, she only faints like that whenever someone called Sonic a loser. Let me be the first to say that I'm guilty of doing that...
"What's your opinion, Hutch?" Toon Link asked his partner-in-crime after the buddy cops heard the full story from Captain Falcon.
"Look, we'd love to help you folks, but let's face the facts..." Young Link said to Master Hand and company, before telling them something that he feared would make him and Toon Link catch some flack. "...this case is unsolvable.
"What?!" boomed Master Hand, as he got all up in Young Link's grill. "You take that back, Young Link, or I'm taking your badge!"
"You're kidding, right?" Link asked Young Link, who remained confident that the case could not be solved by any means. "There must be evidence, motives. You got Mario, Cloud, and Zelda here; they can help out."
"Mario's really good at stuff like this," stated Zelda, who was very much familiar with Mario's body of work. "He figured out who was eating our tin cans!"
"All signs pointed to the Duck-a Hunt Dog," smiled Mario, almost feeling proud of himself. Perhaps a little too proud, for his own good.
"Yeah, yeah! Let Mario help," suggested Master Hand, wanting Mario to solve the mystery while Cloud and Zelda maintained things around the mansion. "He's got brains for days, all up in his head."
"Oooh! Would you look at what we got here!" said Toon Link, in a mocking tone, although Mario barely felt mocked at all. "Plumber man thinks he's gonna solve a mystery with his fancy computer phone!"
"Plumber man! Plumber man!" taunted Young Link, as Mario was left unfazed by the buddy cop's mocking attempts. "You are adorable, Mario."
"Young Link, you're a little kid...I should-a be the one to call you adorable," Mario said to the young Hylian, who didn't take being referred to as a "little kid" too kindly.
"Look, Mario, how about you leave the investigating to real cops like us, okay?" Toon Link said to the plumber before he heard a bunch of static sounds. It came from his walkie-talkie, which he pulled out.
"Yo, Toon Link, can you hear me?" asked the person over on the walkie-talkie, Kanji. "Yosuke is about to fit an entire cantaloupe in his mouth. Repeat, an entire cantaloupe!"
"It's a 23-16!" shouted Toon Link, putting away his walkie-talkie. "Let's move!" The buddy cops got on the move, running out of the living room.
Kanji: Because I'm Naoto's girlfriend, and Naoto's a police officer, the buddy cops entrusted me with this. *holds up walkie-talkie* Whenever I see trouble afoot, I just contact the buddy cops and let 'em know what's up. Or maybe I call them for nonsensical crap. I told the buddy cops that King Dedede had a crush, and they arrested him for having romantic feelings for women who were out of his league. *laughs hysterically* Dude had a Crush soda!
"No need to fear, Master Hand – Steve, Alex and-a I are going to find the jerk-a who did this and get back that head," Mario assured the giant hand, who knew that Mario would never let him down. "We'll solve-a the case before those buddy cops a...a...achoo!" Mario sneezed, and he sounded like a cat.
"Aww, you sneeze like a kitten!" Researcher Zelda cooed at Mario, who gave the princess a glare.
It was now up to Mario, Steve, and Alex to solve the mystery, and found out what happened to the statue of Captain Falcon. Mario brought Steve and Alex to the foyer, so he could go over his plan of action.
"The Captain Falcon statue has lost-a his head and it's up to us to find it," stated Mario, as Steve and Alex were busy mining the floor for resources. "K.K. Slider said that there were a lot-a of unhappy customers at the unveiling. The murderer could have-a been anyone."
"Yes, could have been either one of us," insinuated Alex, briefly looking up at Mario before she went back to mining the floor with her pickaxe. Mario barely paid any mind.
"In this town, around-a this mansion, anything is possible. You can trust-a no one when it comes to..."
"Look! A clue," said Steve, as he pointed at footprints on the floor. Said footprints were oddly square.
"Square footprints on the floor, how peculiar," analyzed Alex, seeing that there was a trail of footprints going down the hallway. "All of them are close together."
"And they're leading to..." said Mario, as he followed the trail of footprints...which led him to an axe, lying on the floor. But not just any ordinary axe...
…a diamond axe, the kind you would find in Minecraft. Mario looked at Steve and Alex and saw that neither one of them recognized who the diamond axe belonged to. Very interesting...
"So, what do you think?" Mario asked Spyro and Hunter, as he brought the diamond axe to his home for inspection. Spyro and Hunter looked at the axe together, with Hunter analyzing every inch of it.
"In my opinion: this is an axe," Hunter offered his take, after what he believed was a thorough inspection. Spyro was going to offer his own take but decided not to.
"If I recall correctly, there was a lumberjack-looking fellow at the unveiling," said Alex, as she recalled the fellow punching a nearby telephone pole. "This axe could be his."
"He was furious when he did not get that free pizza," added Steve, recalling how ticked off the lumberjack man was. "Thankfully, he was not furious enough for murder."
"Yeah, I doubt some lumberjack man carries around an axe like that," said Spyro, as he slowly found the willpower to finally speak. "Unless he played Minecraft or something. I bet he hangs out at some crazy intense biker joint in Seattle."
"Then that's where-a we're going..." said Mario, grabbing the diamond axe from Hunter as he led Steve and Alex out of the house. He was going to give that lumberjack guy a piece of his mind.
"That was an implication, Mario, I never said that he was..." It was too late, as Mario had left the house and slammed the door. Spyro sighed. "...sometimes that guy never listens."
Mario, Steve, and Alex went outside, where they saw Cloud and Link loading a coffin unto Link's pick-up truck. Curious, Mario went over to the two swordsmen, to see what they were up to.
"You boys need a hand-a with that coffin?" Mario asked Cloud and Link, who didn't seem to be struggling as much. Much to the chagrin of Mario, who really wanted to help out. "What's-a with the coffin anyway?"
"Master Hand apparently wants to hold an impromptu memorial service for the Captain Falcon statue," replied Link, ranking the impromptu memorial service near the top of Master Hand's crazy ideas. "Something small, he says, but classy."
"I'd love to attend, but my two amigos and I are heading to down-a town right now to interrogate the murderer, if you will. We even have an axe!" Mario pulled out the diamond axe, swinging it wildly with all his might.
"Okay, Mario, watch where you're swinging that thing..." Cloud said to the plumber, as he and Link had to duck out of harm's way. "...might hurt someone if you're too careless."
Link: Mario wielding an axe seems like the kind of thing that a responsible parent of his wouldn't want him to do...good thing I'm not his parent. Good thing I'm an uncle.
Captain Falcon: I have no doubt in my mind that Mario, Steve, and Alex will find the bozo that ruined my statue, and serve justice for my fallen comrade. Avenge me Mario! AVENGE ME!
Mario didn't exactly avenge Captain Falcon; when he came back home with Steve and Alex, he had a black eye. Peach, who was in the living room, saw Mario and gasped when she saw the ugly mark on her husband's face.
"Oh dear, what happened to you Mario?" Peach asked the plumber, as Spyro had an amused look on his face. The purple dragon almost wanted to burst out laughing.
"I went to a biker joint, to find-a out who beheaded that Captain falcon statue..." explained Mario, who didn't feel like giving the rest of the details. "...I got the wrong-a guy, and got a black-a eye for it."
"And I won a game of blackjack, with a royal flush," bragged Steve, feeling like his victory was something worth mentioning to Peach. "Woot, woot."
"Good for you, Steve...but on the plus-a side, I started to realize-a something at that biker joint." Mario took out the diamond axe, holding it in his hands. "There were foot-a prints that led to this diamond axe on-a the floor, and those footprints...were square. The culprit obviously must-a have square feet!"
"Which means that you went to the biker joint and got a black eye for your troubles, all for nothing," stated Spyro, as Mario neglected to answer the purple dragon and risk looking even more of a fool.
"There's only two people I know that have-a square feet...Zombie, and Enderman. Either one-a of them could be the culprit. It's all about-a finding the right one..."
Mario, Steve, and Alex were back at the mansion, ready to tussle with one of the presumed culprits. They were standing behind a door with Toon Link and Young Link, with some zombie sounds coming from behind the door.
"You better be right about this, Mario, or you'll never get the end of it," Toon Link said to the plumber, as he and Young Link were armed with their Master Swords.
"No, Toon Link, I am very confident-a that this man is responsible," Mairo assured the Hylian, gripping the diamond axe real tight. Steve and Alex had axes of their own, albeit in gold.
"On the count of three..." said Young Link, eyeing the door in front of him intently. "...one...two...two and a half...two and three-fourths...two and seven-eighths...two and...yeah, I'm just gonna end it right there. THREE!"
Young Link kicked the door down with all his might, sending it wide open as he and the others jumped inside the room. Inside they saw Zombie, slowly chasing after Corrin.
"Nobody move! This is a raid!" shouted Toon Link, as Corrin was screaming and running for his life from the slow-moving Zombie.
"Aaaahh!" Corrin screamed before he tripped and fell on the floor. He looked up and saw Toon Link and company gathered around. "What is this? Some kind of raid?"
"Zombie, you're under arrest for the murder of the statue of Captain Falcon," Toon Link pointed at Zombie, who stopped and turned his head to the Hylian.
"You have the right to remain impressed by our awesome police work," added Young Link, as he and Toon Link exchanged a high-five. Young Link thought of his and Toon Link's work as awesome; many others might think otherwise.
"Zombie killed the statue? I don't understand!" said Corrin, who was more surprised about Zombie being arrested than anything. Zombie didn't seem to know that he was being arrested at all!
"Then allow-a me to explain," said Mario, ready to give Corrin the 4-1-1 on Zombie's criminality. "You see, Corrin, we saw a trail of square foot-a prints on the floor, leading to this axe..."
"No, really, I don't understand! Zombie had nothing to do with the murder. He was with me in this room the whole time!"
"I knew it! Wait, what did you say? Zombie had nothing to do with it? Could-a you repeat that?"
"Zombie was in my room, chasing me around. I was living out my own zombie apocalypse!"
Corrin: That zombie outbreak last year was such a rush of adrenaline; I loved it so much, that I wanted to do it all over again! Zarok won't be coming around anytime soon, but we now have a zombie living among us, so I can live out my fantasies whenever I want to! Such a shame that Kamui and Silas want no part of it. So uncultured.
"Zombie, you're off the hook," Toon Link said to Zombie, who still didn't seem to know what was going on, before the Hylian looked at Corrin. "Corrin, you're still a weirdo."
"I'll take what I can get," said Corrin, before he and Zombie resumed their chase. Toon Link and the others left the room, allowing Corrin to continue his...weird...strange...apocalypse fantasy.
"Thanks a bunch for wasting our time..." Young Link said to Mario, in what was a premier pot-meets-kettle moment, as the buddy cops put away their swords and walked away.
"Well, it's off-a to looking for Enderman..." Mario said to Steve and Alex, not ready to throw in the towel just yet. "...any idea where we can find-a him? Or it?"
Master Hand was outside in the mansion's backyard, with a bunch of chairs set up. A coffin was at the front, with Captain Falcon, Amy, Mechanica, Pit, and several Minecraft statues as the audience. It was now time for the impromptu memorial service to begin.
"People, statues, thank you all for coming," Master Hand started things off, with Pit crying as he blew into a tissue. "Some people might say it's wrong for anyone to be deeply in love with a statue."
"They're wrong!" shouted Pit, as he stood up and pointed his finger. The angel didn't know the statue that well, but he knew that it lived a good life while it lasted.
"Easy, Pit. Minecraft Captain Falcon, I hope you're mining resources in Minecraft heaven...I'm sorry, I got glitter in my eye! And I don't even have one!"
Master Hand floated away crying, as Pit chased after the giant hand so he could console him. Link and Cloud stood a considerable distance away, as Mario came over to speak with them.
"Sooooo how's it coming along?" Mario asked Link and Cloud, as Steve and Alex joined the plumber.
"Master Hand already started crying, in less than a minute," replied Cloud, as he could hear Master Hand crying even from a very far distance. "That should tell you all you need to know."
"I got no clue as to why anyone would want to harm a statue," said Link, as Steve and Alex looked at a bunch of trees and saw a black figure, standing alone. "What would anyone gain from doing that?"
"Enderman spotted..." Steve alerted Mario, who looked in the direction that Steve and Alex were looking and saw Enderman hanging around near the trees. Enderman was looking up at the sky, likely thinking to itself.
"Let's go see what it's up to..." said Mario as he, Steve, and Alex went over to Enderman. Link and Cloud followed after Mario, just to see if Enderman was up to any good.
"You seem pretty lonely, Enderman," Cloud said to the black mob, who turned its head to Cloud. "Any reason why you're all alone?"
"Zelda said not to stare directly at Enderman, right?" asked Link, getting real nervous as Enderman's arms and legs grew, making it taller. "He's staring right at us!"
Suddenly Enderman opened its mouth, as it started to shake violently. That meant it was fully provoked, gearing itself for attack mode.
"It's about to attack!" shouted Cloud, as he and the others made a run for it with the Enderman chasing after them. The group ran to the front of the mansion and hid at the porch, as the Enderman surveyed the front yard.
"Mario, what is the problem?" Copper asked the plumber, who was taking a breather, as Copper and Booker stood in front of the mansion entrance. "Mega Man's mutt chased you again?"
"It's Enderman...it was provoked, and now it's-a looking for us," replied Mario, keeping his voice low so that Enderman wouldn't hear him. "If we step foot-a out there, we're done for..."
"Hey Mario, didn't we just install sprinklers in the front yard?" Cloud asked the plumber, as he recalled Mr. Game and Watch doing some maintenance work not so long ago.
"Why yes, we did...Master Hand didn't want to install-a them at first, because he thought-a that the sprinklers would 'disturb the peace.'"
"That's a pretty dumb reason. Is there a way we can turn the sprinklers on? Copper, Booker, do either one of you know a way?"
"I had a manual for the sprinkler system...but I threw it away," stated Booker, as Copper backhanded the dog for his horrible decision-making. "There was a coffee stain on the cover, it was ruined!"
"You are such a pansy..." Copper shook his head at Booker, wondering how in the world his partner-in-crime made it so far in life. "...all the valves and irrigation zones are turned on, as far as I know. As for turning on the sprinklers, we'll need a valve key..."
"I think Mr. Game and Watch has a valve key," said Cloud; there was a good chance that Mr. Game and Watch was busy, and therefore couldn't be relied on. "Either him, or Dark Pit. We can't afford to waste any time looking for those two..."
"Perhaps Alex and I can turn on the valves," said Steve, as he and Alex held out their pickaxes. Cloud looked at the craftsmen, scratching his chin as he evaluated his options.
"Your pickaxes might not be a good enough substitute...but it's not like we have any other choice. We'll leave you to it – don't get caught or anything."
The Enderman continued to survey the front yard, still on the lookout for Mario and the others. With the impromptu memorial service seemingly having been ended after Master Hand left, Captain Falcon was about to head back inside the mansion, choosing to enter through the front door. That was a poor decision on his part, as the racer encountered Enderman.
"Keep it cool, Falcon...just don't stare at it," Captain Falcon said to himself when he saw Enderman, as he looked to the side to avoid eye contact. Enderman, still in attack mode, was creeping slowly towards Captain Falcon.
"All that hard work I did, gone to waste..." Amy sighed depressingly as she showed up at the front yard before Captain Falcon held out her arm in front of the pink hedgehog.
"Look away...no sudden moves," Captain Falcon said to Amy, who was wondering why the racer had his head turned to the side.
"But why?" Amy would soon see why, when she looked up and saw Enderman creeping closer. The very sight of Enderman made Amy shriek. "Eek! It's that creepy black thing!"
"I said look away! Dang it Amy, you're gonna get the both of us...wait, are those sprinklers I hear?"
Captain Falcon looked up and saw that all the lawn sprinklers were turned on, spraying water at Enderman. The valves were turned on by Steve and Alex, who had used their pickaxe to turn on every valve in sight.
"You are welcome, Captain Falcon," Alex said to the racer, as the water from the sprinklers slowly started to subdue Enderman. Enderman's limbs began to shrink, as the black mob was calmed down.
Steve: Pickaxes are good for mining for resources, and occasionally scratching your posterior. They are also good for other objectives, such as turning on water valves for lawn sprinklers. It is always important to adjust to your new surroundings.
"Nice work, you two," Cloud said to Steve and Alex as he, Link, and Mario came down from the porch. "Way to go. The water from those sprinklers worked to perfection."
"Looks like Sonic and the Inklings won't be the only aquaphobes at the mansion," remarked Link, watching as Enderman was shivering from the water. Poor guy looked like he was shivering in the cold. "Though I never saw them act like this!"
"Bravo, Cloud Strife. You have saved the day. Everyone, give Cloud a round of applause!"
Suddenly Master Hand appeared, coming into the scene with Pit following after him. Pit was the only one clapping, as he was clapping at a very fast pace.
"Slow it down, Pit, that sounds way too sincere," Master Hand said to the angel, who was clapping much, much slower. Clapping like how a sloth would. "Okay, that's too condescending...just stop."
"Master Hand, what do you mean I saved the day?" Cloud asked the giant hand, as Pit stopped clapping – and snapped his fingers instead. "All I did was have Steve and Alex turn on the water sprinklers, to subdue Enderman..."
"Exactly! That's how you saved the day, by taking initiative. You saw the problem, and you found the answer while getting others involved. Good stuff!"
"What about my statue?" Captain Falcon asked Master Hand, as he had a bunch of unanswered questions about his beloved statue. "Who beheaded him?"
"I had Enderman do it." Master Hand's confession was big enough to make everyone gasp. "When you left the living room, Falcon, I had Enderman decapitate that statue, and hide the evidence somewhere in the mansion. The evidence? That diamond axe that Mario is holding."
"But those foot-a prints – I thought for sure that those-a were Zombie's footprints," said Mario, remembering how big those square footprints were. Enderman's feet were too small to leave such big footprints on the floor.
"I just painted those squares on the floor, to cover up Enderman's tracks. The whole point of this was to see if either Cloud or Zelda suspected that Enderman was the culprit. it was Cloud who finished things off in the end, while Mario mostly wasted his time and looked somewhat foolish in the process. A win-win situation.
"So my statue being beheaded, it was a set-up..." said Captain Falcon, as he and those involved in the making of his statue were feeling bitter.
"Ha, I knew it was a set-up all along!" exclaimed Pit, in a bragging manner, as he felt the urge to beat his chest proudly. "Maybe there's still hope for me yet!"
"Don't get too ahead of yourself, Pit..." Master Hand said to the angel, not wanting him to have too big of a head. "...but yes, it was more or less a set-up. One meant for Cloud and Zelda. Cloud was the only one who passed."
"Whoop-dee-freaking-doo..." Cloud said sarcastically, as he went inside the mansion to take care of some important matters. "...I'll be taking the Rabbids and Creepers out of Lloyd's room if you guys need me."
"Understood," Link said to Cloud, as he and Mario remained outside. "So what are you gonna do now, Mario?" Link asked the plumber, out of curiosity.
"I have a score-a to settle with the buddy cops..." replied Mario, as he went inside the mansion.
The buddy cops, Toon Link and Young Link, were in the dining room, drinking some coffee. Not that either one of them liked coffee – they only did it because it was a thing most police officers do. Mario entered the dining room, commanding the attention of the buddy cops.
"Solved the case yet, plumber man?" Toon Link asked Mario, expecting the plumber to answer no any minute. "I'm so confident you're gonna say no, that I'm gonna take a long, slow sip from my cup of coffee." Toon Link took a long, slow sip...
"Actually, the answer is yes," answered Mario, causing Toon Link to spit coffee in Young Link's face. That caused Young Link to spit coffee in Toon Link's face, and the buddy cops would take turns spitting in each other's face while screaming in pain.
"It burns, it burns!" screamed Young Link, with coffee in his eyes, as a smug Mario left the dining room and leaving the buddy cops in searing pain. In his mind, Mario thought that the buddy cops deserved it.
Captain Falcon sat in his room, upset that his statue was beheaded. Steve and Alex came inside Falcon's room, wanting to speaking with Falcon himself.
"Sucks that Master Hand wanted my statue beheaded," Captain Falcon said to Steve and Alex, before letting out a depressed sigh. "All so that Cloud and/or Zelda could 'prove' themselves..."
"Master Hand wanted us to give you this," Steve said to Captain Falcon, handing the racer the head from his statue. Captain Falcon gasped excitedly at the sight of the head, almost moved to tears.
"HE'S BACK!" Captain Falcon happily took the head from Steve, before kissing it all over. Steve and Alex were likely judging Falcon, despite their plain-looking faces. "Thank you!"
"Do not thank us – thank Master Hand," Alex said to Captain Falcon, who was now hugging the head of his statue real tight. "He wanted to repay you, for what happened."
Amy: Felt really inspired when I drew up that sketch of Captain Falcon – so inspired, that I drew a sketch of every person in the mansion. Well, at least that's what I plan on doing. I'm almost at a quarter of the way, so once I'm done, we'll have a museum full of Minecraft statues! And since Steve and Alex are pros when it comes to architecture and all that jazz, we'll have the perfect venue to display my awesome work! And Mechanica's work, too.
Spyro: Master Hand asked Hunter and I to destroy some of the statues that he had on display. Apparently, he had some kind of "reawakening", after speaking with Amy, and wanted to tackle a different approach.
Hunter: So, we went ahead and destroyed all the statues that were made. The two of us, we were on a murdering spree!
Peach: *coming over* ...a murdering spree?
Hunter: We decapitated Gandhi. And Captain Hook. And even Jimmy Butler! Didn't look much like a butler to me, but I'm not the one to judge.
Peach: Tee hee! You boys and your silly imaginations.
"I guess Master Hand's alright, in my book," said Captain Falcon, as he placed the head of his statue on a shelf across from his bed. "There! Now we can look at each other, and admire each other's coolness!"
"This man is very conceited," Alex said to Steve, as Captain Falcon was beaming with pride as he stared at the head. Oughta be glad he wasn't staring at an Enderman.
"Let us leave him alone, and have his fun..." advised Steve, as he and Alex left the room. Captain Falcon might not have a full statue, but at least he had something to remember it by.
But who knows – with Amy feeling "inspired", another full statue of Captain Falcon might be coming sooner than you think.