Taste of Strawberries Chapter 36, a hunger games fanfic

Chapter 36
Plough a lonely furrow

Earthworms glistened in the blackness of the grave. Their writhing, pink bodies made Haymitch jam the shovel into the growing pile and fish up the silver hipflask. He tipped it into his mouth again and again, red eyes focused on the shrivels of blue sky through the greenery.

He came up choking. That almost never happened but Ripper's concoction licked his throat like flesh to an open flame. He liked it. Felt like justice.

With the flask back in his pocket, he returned to the task at hand. The sound of metal against soil felt wrong in a place like this. Here in the midst of Katniss's woods where mockingjays sang and the wind rustled through the underbrush.

Lips pressed to none-existence he dug the shovel into the ground. Repeated the act, over and over, face tinged grey. It needed to be deep. Secluded. Safe from any predators.

"I will come with you," Effie said after the first death. "You shouldn't do this alone," Peeta said after the second. But he wouldn't be swayed. None of them should have to see this. Especially not the kids whom had already witnessed far too much death for someone their age.

"They're my geese," he said. "I'll take care of it."

The morning it all began dawned like any other. No warnings whatsoever. A promise of rain in the air. Distant thunderclaps. Amy and Ian who woke them promptly at six, as per usual. At 9 months the kids were still full-fledged early birds. Oh, yes. Even Effie said she wouldn't mind a sleep-in every once in a while. At least the nights were easier now. Good to know at least two people in this household slept fairly consistently, undisturbed by nightmares.

"Mornin'", he said as he walked into the kitchen that retched day, dressed in nothing but his underwear and some flimsy morning gown of Effie's with pink flamingos on the back.

"Hey," she replied over her shoulder, prepping Ian's oatmeal. The children sat together in the playpen, still in their jammies. Haymitch leaned over it and gave them a soft pat. "There's coffee if you want it. Good and strong."

"Great."

He poured himself a cup, added a few drops of milk. The table was already set.

"Why didn't you wake me?"

Effie shrugged.

"You slept hard. I reckoned you needed it."

"… Thanks."

He had a sip and set the cup on the table.

"Hello," he said and reached inside the playpen, lifted Ian out, up toward the ceiling lamp and down to his face, kissing his cheek until he giggled. "You sleep well? Any good dreams worth tellin' me about?"

After one last kiss he carried his son to the table and helped him into his high chair. Effie joined, bringing the oatmeal. She slipped a spoon into Haymitch's hand and turned to their daughter.

"I hope you're hungry, my darling." With Amy in her arms she took her seat at the table where Haymitch was already engaged in the messy task of getting food into their boy. "How about a trip to Sae's later?" Effie asked, holding the girl who practiced her jumping skills, bouncing up and down on her mother's lap. "For lunch, I mean?"

"Sure. Why not?"

Ian gaped like a newborn nestling and Haymitch slipped him another spoonful. Unlike his sister, the boy showed an interest in his parents' food very early on and squeaked in anger when he dug his hands on their plants and they still wouldn't let him have it. Like any child of District 12, they ate like horses. Both of them. "It's their Seam side showing," Effie said.

Amy suddenly stopped her gymnastics. With the look of someone recalling something important she tugged at the neckline of her mother's nightgown. Haymitch and Effie had introduced a variety of food to their daughter but with the exception of cooked pear blended with breast milk Amy wasn't interested. When she got hungry she wanted her mama and her mama only.

And Effie wasn't difficult to persuade.

"I take all the time I can get," she smiled. "She's reaching all of her milestones and she will self-feed too when she's ready. I won't rush her."

After breakfast and getting them changed, they carried the twins along with the playpen back into the living room. They usually played together for a good hour before their first nap.

"I'll go check on the geese."

"OK," Effie yawned, curled up on the couch.

It wasn't even a lie. Some decoy to drink. Not that day. Even with the looming rain, the weather was fine and he only meant to release them into the outside enclosure.

The moment he entered the pen, he knew something was wrong. Sensed it in the way they moved. Acted. The energy of the place.

And that's when he saw it.

He crouched in the hay. Cupped his hands around the small, lifeless body. The gosling was still warm but there was no question about it. Haymitch knew death when he saw it.

What happened? A wild animal? A badger perhaps? Or even one of the other geese?

But there were no signs of struggle. No blood or broken bones. Nothing. Not so much as a ruffled feather. Where would an animal even get in? There were no holes on the walls. He always made sure.

"Fowl cholera," the vet said. "They need antibiotics and you have to separate the healthy ones from the birds showing symptoms. Make sure everything's clean. Keep a close watch. I'll write down what you need to know."

Haymitch followed the instructions to the T. No one watching could doubt his dedication. And yet, it didn't make any difference.

In the days and weeks that followed, the Victor's Village grew quieter and quieter. Like with any disaster, the little ones went first. Then the older and frail. And before long, even the biggest and sturdiest of the lot crumbled away. And all Haymitch could do was watch.

By that time, Effie and the twins were already gone.

"You want to send us away?" She asked it like she couldn't believe her ears.

"Not for long, Eff. It's only temporary."

"Why? Why do we have to leave? Fowl cholera isn't contagious in humans."

"Still. Better safe than sorry."

"Can't we just stay somewhere in Twelve? The Capitol is such a far way away. I'm sure Sae wouldn't mind lending us a room in her house."

"Eff," he said, tiredly. "Humor me. Just this once."

In the end they decided on a compromise. With the kids down for their nap Effie called up District 11. June and Annabel said they'd be more than happy to have the three of them over and in less than 48 hours Haymitch was on his own.

The shirt was soaked with sweat. Clung to him in a way he'd hated ever since he was a boy. After one final dig Haymitch wiped his forehead and eyed his hard work.

Yeah, that'll do.

He dropped the shovel and crouched before the bird. So utterly helpless, defenseless like this, shrouded in a knotty blanket. The last member of the original flock that he and Effie bought in Eleven. One of its wingtips peeked through the folds and he took great care cloaking it up properly before he lowered it into the grave.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled as he piled the earth on, covering more and more of his dead pet. At this very moment, the two survivors – both female – pecked away at the grass back in the enclosure. But it was probably just a matter of time before they went as well.

It was all so fucking unfair.

xXx

What's that… sound?

Haymitch groaned. Bells? No, no bells around here. A phone. Yeah. Yeah, his phone. Christ, when did it get so loud? It carved his head like a cheese slicer you should've thrown in the trash years ago.

Bottles created harmony. Empties that rolled out of the way when he moved. His cheek stung and throbbed as blood pooled back into it after hours on the stubby old carpet.

What am I doing on the floor?

With a painful roll he ended up on his side and gingerly touched a tender spot just above his right eyebrow.

I fell?

Eyes closed shut to keep the world from reeling out of control he tried to pull himself up. A hiccup racked his body and before he knew it, splatters of white liquor and stomach acid spilt from his lips.

A mixture so strong and vile he swore it would burn a hole in the carpet. Coughing and spitting, he cradled his head. Air. He needed air. Mouth dripping, he forced it into his lungs. One ragged breath at a time.

And still, the ringing. Only one person was that persistent.

"Hello, Haymitch! It's me. How are you?"

Springs creaked under his weight as he dropped on the couch. With the phone to his ear, he stared vacantly at the forest of bottles on the coffee table. His head nothing but one big blister, ready to burst. But he heard Effie breathing on the other end, expecting a reply and he wet his lips. Cleared his throat.

"Oh, same old, same old. How're the kids?"

As Effie prattled on he seized the moment and grabbed an almost empty bottle of aspirin, twisting the top. First once and then a second time. And a third.

"… so we decided to go later. You would have loved it!"

"Uh-huh." Phone cradled between his ear and shoulder he wrestled the bottle but to no avail. Frowning, he squinted at the label. "Childproof." Yeah, no kidding.

"Oh, oh, and there's something else I just have to tell you! The other day, we were out in the garden and you know how they have like their own language, right? Well, they were talking with each other in their usual manner and everything is fine and peaceful. And then Ian coos something to Amy and she goes absolutely livid! One minute she's perfectly happy. The next she's screaming bloody murder. I think he insulted her." Effie chuckled. "Isn't that the cutest thing?"

"Yeah, totally." He tugged and tore at the bottle cap, hands throbbing in time with his head. The phone slipped from between his ear and shoulder. Leaving it on the couch, he gave another almighty twist and POP! Pills flew in every direction, clinking against glass.

"Haymitch? Haymitch, are you there?"

Clawing underneath the table he slipped two pills into his mouth, spit out some lint and washed it down with the first bottle he encountered.

"Hello? Haymitch?"

He grabbed the phone.

"Yeah. Sure."

"Sure, what?"

"I mean, like… er…"

"You didn't listen to a word I said, did you?"

He opened his mouth, then just dropped the act altogether.

"Sorry, Eff. Got a lot on my mind, is all."

"The geese?"

He rubbed his hand over his face. Eyed the bottles but decided against it. Best not tempt the fate.

"Lost another one today."

"Oh, no! I'm so sorry, Haymitch."

"Yeah. So, now's not really a good time. Maybe we can catch up later? Tomorrow perhaps?"

"Of course."

"I'll call you guys around noon. How's that? And give 'em a big kiss for me."

"I will. Bye, Haymitch!"

"Bye, Eff."

*toot toot*

xXx

*ring ring*

*mutters* How the fuck does this work? *clears throat* Alrighty. Eff says you gotta have an answer phone message on this thing so here goes. I'm not in or awake or… whatever so leave a message and I'll get back to you at some point. Or don't. I don't really give a fuck either way but… I dunno. Do as you please. This lil' machine is fucking cunning though so don't hold your breath. Can't say I check in all that often either so if your ass is on fire just call me up again. Don't know why you'd wanna talk to me 'bout anything but it's your funeral. Gimme a ring or say something after the beep. Like I said, I don't give a fuck. Oh, and yeah. You've reached Haymitch Abernathy. Suppose that was obvious unless you're a complete moron.

*beep*

Oh, my God, Haymitch! That's the worst answer phone message I've ever heard in my life! Honestly! *draws a breath* OK. I'm calling you up since you never got back to us earlier. They are up for a couple more hours but I know it's a small window so how about we try again tomorrow?

I wish you were here. I really do! District 11 is such a peaceful place! Being here has really done me some good and June and Annabel said that if you want to join us there's a spare guestroom with your name on it. But, of course, that's entirely up to you. No pressure. If you feel like you can't leave the geese just yet, I understand.

Call us when you get this message, OK? If we're not home just say when I can best reach you and I'll get back to you. Mid-mornings are preferable but any time is fine.

We really miss you, Haymitch. I know you don't think so but it's true. Nothing's the same without you. Take care, OK and we'll talk again soon!

*toot toot*

xXx

*ring ring*

*sighs* Well, this answer phone message doesn't grow on you, that's for certain. When I get back it'll be the first thing we're changing. And yes, it's me again. I know you have your hands full with the geese right now but I still wish we'd hear from you a little more often.

It doesn't have to be a long phone call. Just a couple of minutes. You know, I do feel like I'm lying when I tell the children they're going to hear from you and then they don't. OK, they're already sleeping now but we'll be staying close tomorrow. Just the house, the garden. So please, indulge me here. Bye.

*toot toot*

xXx

*beep*

Hello, Haymitch. You know, you wouldn't have me call so much if you just learned how to your the phone! It's not decoration. That's not why I had it fixed! I don't even know why I bother with these messages. You're probably not checking them anyway. Your silence has me all worried, don't you get that? It completely upset my digestion, as you're well aware!

I don't believe I'm asking much. Just ten minutes of your time. So, please, please,

please, Haymitch! Call me back!

*toot toot*

xXx

*ring ring*

*commotion on the other end* Goodness… Hello?

Effs?

No, it's… This is Annabel speaking.

Oh. Is Eff there?

I think she's asleep, Haymitch. We all are.

Oh. Yeah. Right. Sorry 'bout that. She told me to call back whenever.

OK. Well, it's… four in the morning now.

It is? Shit, I'm sorry. Didn't realize that. Don't have a workin' clock over here. Tossed it out for… I dunno. Reasons. Eff got me this alarm but...

Look, Haymitch. *yawns* We're usually up around 7. Why don't you call us after breakfast?

I can do that.

OK. Good. I'm going back to bed now.

Course. Sorry again. Between you and me, I'm a little hammered. No, no, not hammered, just… well, yeah, a little…

That's fine, Haymitch. Goodnight.

Huh?

Goodnight. Sleep well.

*snorts a laugh* Sure. Thanks. I wish. But yeah, Imma hang up now. You know, Annabel, you're a real good person. You're both so good to Effie and the kids. Shame I never told you that. Cause you should, don't ya think? Yeah, I think so.

Haymitch…

Yeah, sure, sure. You're tired, I know. I'll let you go back to bed. Could you do me a solid though? Don't tell her. Effs, I mean. She gets weird 'bout this kinda stuff. Don't want her all worked up, thinking I was wasted cause I'm really not. I know what my body can take but she just … The thing you gotta understand about Effs …

*in the background* Here, Bel. Let me. Haymitch!

June?

Yes, this is June! It's 4.15 in the blasted morning! What kind of a nitwit calls someone that late!?

Uh…

Do it again and I swear to God, I will twist your ear right off! Go to bed!

… Alright. Sure thing. I'll, I'll do that.

Excellent! Bye!

*toot toot*

xXx

*ring ring*

Abernathy residence. This is Peeta.

Peeta? Hello. This is Effie.

Oh, hi, Effie! Good to hear from you! How's everything in Eleven?

Fine. Is… is Haymitch there by any chance? Could you get him for me, please?"

"Er, of course. One moment. *in the background* Haymitch? Haymitch, it's Effie.

*mumbles incoherently*

Haymitch, you have to get up. Effie's on the phone. *after a moment* Hey. I'm sorry, Effie. He's not quite up and about just yet. Can we get back to you? Maybe in an hour or two? That will give him a chance to grab a cup of coffee and …

Oh, Peeta. Sweet child. You do not have to lie for him. Not to me.…

Sorry.

*draws a shallow breath* You don't have to worry about a thing, dear. You go back to Katniss and let me handle this.

OK. Bye, Effie.

Goodbye, my boy.*toot toot*

xXx

*ring ring*

*mutters* How the fuck does this work? *clears throat* Alrighty. Eff says you gotta have an answer phone message on this thing so here… *click* 'ello?

Hi.

Eff? Wut time is it?

Not 4.15AM.

*floorboards creak, followed by a clink of bottles* Good to hear from ya, sweetheart. I know I should've called …

Why didn't you?

Well, you know …

You're busy? With the geese?

Yeah.

Because that's odd. I was on the phone with Peeta earlier and he said the vet checked in on them not two hours ago. Apparently they're responding well to treatment.

… You spyin' on me now?

I'm not spying on you.

Cause it sure as hell sound like it!

Well, I wouldn't have to, would I? If you just picked up the phone now and again!

The hell is this new obsession you have 'bout me calling all the time? Sorry I have a life outside of talking to you!

Not me, Haymitch! The children! Because in case you didn't notice: You have a son and daughter now!

Thanks, Eff. I'm well aware.

So it's for them! All these phone calls. I'm trying to get you three to talk to each other!

How? They're 10 months old, Eff. They can't talk. It's not like they're missing out. They can't even tell if I'm around or not."

They're 11 months old and they can! You're not some far off uncle or a second cousin that they see only on weddings and at funerals. You're their father, Haymitch …

Jesus …

... and sometimes I feel like you don't even care if we're around or not!

That is so unfair, Eff! Even for you!

I'm just saying …

My geese are dead, sweetheart! Almost all of them! Gone! Maggot meat! So why don't you get off your high horse and gimme a break for once in your life! If Katniss or Peeta were having a hard time of it they sure as hell …

That's exactly my point! No one should have to go through something like that alone! Let me be there for you! What else is a family for!?

Honest to God, Eff! Stop acting like you're my fucking wife and just back off!

I have! For months! Honestly, Haymitch! Do you really believe I don't know what's going on here? Of course I do! Not because I called Katniss and Peeta and turned them into my spies. I know because I know you! You didn't send us away because of the geese. That's not the real reason and you know it! Don't try and tell me otherwise! You needed us gone so we left! Despite all my better judgment I gave you your space and I never complained. Not once! All I asked was that you put the bottle down just long enough to tell your son and daughter goodnight. *sobs* You couldn't even do that!

Fuck you, Effie. Sincerely. Fuck. You.

Look … I know this is hard. I do. And I'm not pretending like it's ever going to get easier. But you have to stop viewing me as some kind of enemy, Haymitch. I'm on your side. I always have been. And you should know that you're missing out on moments that you'll never get back. This time in their life… it's precious. It's for bonding. A chance for us to have a positive impact on what kind of people they will become. I do what I can but I can't replace you. No one can. *in the background a baby monitor crackles to life followed by a baby crying* That's Ian. I have to go.

Eff …

Later. We'll talk later. That'll give us both a chance to cool our heads. The children and I won't go anywhere, so ... it's just goodbye for now. OK?

…

Bye.

*toot toot*

xXx

"Hi, Sae!" Peeta blew on his mug of tea, seeing the old woman come through the archway. "Want the last cheese bun? Katniss already had three."

"Two!" the girl protested. Leaned back against the door she rested her hands on the front step. The last rays of daylight warmed her knees. "Haymitch is not up yet," she said, eyes on the mug in Sae's hand. "Him and Effie, they had some kind of fight by the sound of it. He's been in there ever since."

Sae looked to where she pointed.

"He sleeps in the goose pen now?" she asked, pulling the rucksack higher up on her shoulder.

"They're his new therapist," the boy said. "Cause God forbid he'd talk to one of us."

"'New' implies he once had another," Katniss said and seized the last cheese bun, since Sae never claimed it. "I wouldn't go in there if I were you. He won't thank you for it."

"I'll be fine," the old woman said and stepped inside.

Golden light spilled through the windows, shining in the dust. A pair of geese nestled in the hay turned their head at the unexpected visitor but their curiosity was short-lived and they soon closed their eyes again.

Their owner lay sprawled out before them, stomach-down. Covered in hay and goose droppings, face hidden behind disarrays of dirty blonde hair, he could've been nothing but a pile of unwashed clothes. If it weren't for the knife clutched in a red-knuckled hand.

She set the mug down, next to the rucksack and prised it from his fingers, endlessly careful. With nowhere to put it she slipped it in her pocket. For now. Anyone with common sense knew the dangers of waving a knife right in front of a victor, waking up. An empty bucket stood in a corner and she turned it over, having a seat. His hair fluttered with every breath he took. She brushed it from his face, untangled it from the caveman's beard he sported these days and plucked a piece of straw.

Haymitch gave a gigantic snore when he felt the tickling. She paused but when there was no further response she tickled his nose a second time. The man stirred. Mumbled something in his sleep. A smile curved Sae's lips as she let the straw play in one of his nostrils. He sucked in a deep breath and sneezed the straw right out of her hand.

"Wha… whuu-ugh…" A slack hand went to his face, rubbing his nose. She saw a glint of gray before he groaned and buried his face in the crock of his elbow.

"You shouldn't sleep in here," she said. "All this dusty air isn't good for you."

"Who cares?" he growled into his arm. "Lemme be."

"Here. Drink this." That at least got his attention. Seeing the cup of broth offered he dragged himself up, muttering under his breath. After a mouthful or two he looked around, searching. His eyebrows came together.

"Whatcha do with my knife?"

Sae handed it over without a word and it disappeared in his pocket.

"Shouldn't you be at work?" he muttered into the mug.

"Not today."

"Lemme guess. A former pink headed lil' birdie whispered in your ear?"

"No birdies. And even if they did, would that be so bad?"

"Hmpf."

"How are Effie and the kids?"

"Great. Splendid. Why wouldn't they be? She told me it's awesome gettin' a break from me. She earned it, that's for sure."

"Really, Haymitch?" Sae said, eyebrows raised.

"Yeah, really."

"I highly doubt the sweet girl I know said anything of the sort."

"Yeah, well. That's what she meant anyway."

"What exactly did she say?"

"Does it matter?"

"Course it does."

"She did say it. She said Eleven's a peaceful place and it's done her some good."

"That's not the same."

"Pretty much."

"And?"

"And what?"

"What else did she say?"

"I dunno. She told me to come visit cause I'll ruin the kids' lives if I don't."

"Haymitch."

"What? It's the truth!"

"What did she say?"

"She wants me to visit!"

"Why?"

"What does it matter why!?"

"Just tell me. She wants you to come visit because …"

"She misses me!"

"And …"

"Oh, for God's sake, woman!" He glared at her. "Wanna be a pain in my ass now? Too late for that, Sae! Effie already called dibs."

A bright laugh burst from Sae's lips. It was the first happy sound to fill the goose pen in ages. Haymitch sighed. A sigh of defeat.

"She told me to come visit cause she really misses me even though I won't believe it and that nothing's the same without me." He shot her a look. "Satisfied?" When Sae only smiled he downed another mouthful, staring into space. "I wanna go see 'em," he said, more to himself than her. "Course I do. I miss 'em like hell but look at me! Look around, for fuck's sake! I'm a shit person and a drunk who sleeps in a goose pen! I shouldn't even be allowed around small children. How am I supposed to take care of Amy and Ian when I can't even take care of myself? Seriously, Sae. Tell me!"

He looked at her, demanding an answer. The wildman and a bird of a lady. A small smile still played on her lips.

"Poor old Haymitch." She touched his cheek with a tender hand. "Listen to me now. I've known you your whole life so trust me on this one. You may be a drunk and you may sleep in a goose pen but you're not a shit person. Do you really think any of us would've put up with you all these years if you were? Do you think Effie would've fallen for you if she didn't think you were a decent human being?"

Haymitch averted his gaze.

"Effie never fell for me", he muttered. "If she did, it was a bad fall."

A wider smile stretched Sae's lips but she soon grew serious.

"I have something for you," she said and reached for the rucksack.

"Hope it's scotch."

"I've been waiting for the right moment to give it back to you."

At the sound of the zipper Haymitch cast an eye her way. Then did a double take. His mouth dropped open.

"Oh m'God." The ornate, gold letters of the large, leather-bound book glinted in the setting sun. His gaze flitted to Sae, almost frightened. "Where'd you get that? I thought I lost it after the fire."

"No, no," the old woman said with a gentle shake of her head. "You gave it to me. Told me to sell it or pass it on to my children."

"I did?" He couldn't recall. Small wonder. After he lost his family there were hours and even days at the time that were just gone. Wiped from his memory. Severe stress had that effect on him.

He gave her the cup and Sae placed the book in his waiting hands. With fingers that trembled a little he opened it to the brittle first page. Brushed against the elegant, yet childish words written with Mr. Henderson's fountain pen. Ink long dry.

To my brother
Amadeus, who touches the heart of everyone he meets. I'll love you til the day I die. Never stop dreaming.
Haymitch

"I held on to it," Sae said. Haymitch's bottom lip quivered but he pressed his mouth together, eyes downcast. "Kept it in a wardrobe through the years. For safekeeping. Because I thought that one day you might want to read it to your own children."