Author's Note:
Look, I ain't even gonna front...I legit didn't feel like writing this week. I did make an attempt, but I couldn't get anything going. (I partially blame New Year's Eve for not falling on a Thursday or Friday this year.) So I decided to take a much-needed break from writing, which was largely necessary on many fronts. And to "compensate" for this week, I've done... *sigh* ...I've done a clip show. But with a twist! I'm...I'm so sorry that I had to do this. Since I just got back from a party, I'm not in the right mood for answering reviews, so I'll answer them next week after the new year. So, uh, enjoy I guess. Again, I'm so sorry...
Episode 367: CrankyAwards
Cranky Kong: Hey, you! Yeah, I'm talking to you, reader! You don't know who I am? I'm Cranky Kong - Donkey Kong's grandpa and the original Kong in the family. Better recognize!
So you're probably wondering why I'm taking over this episode, eh? Well, you see, the author wanted to take a little break to rest up for the next year. Everybody has to take a break now and then, nothing wrong with that. From what I've heard, the documentary crew is taking a break as well, but nobody's buying that lie. At least I'm not.
Since I'm hosting this week's episode, I want to usher in something new. Something grand. Something the world has never seen before. I call it, drumroll please...the 2022 Cranky Awards! Now, now, don't hide your applause, I know how excited you are. This is where I hand out awards to the best (and worst) individuals of the year, presenting them with this trophy! *holds up a gold trophy with a banana on it* Made this trophy myself from a few Gimmighoul coins. And other materials.
Without further ado, the first award! This one is "Most Unathletic", and it goes out to the person who showed that they don't belong on the football field, the soccer field, the baseball field, the cricket field, or any kind of field. Let alone any kind of court. And the winner is...the Jumpman, Mario! Play the highlight reel!
"Last but not least is the Jumpman himself, Mario!" commentated Chick as Mario stepped onto the court, seeing nothing but victory in his sight. Mario wanted nothing more than to show Corrin and everyone else (but mostly Corrin) who the best baller around was.
"Better say goodbye to your lead," Fox said to Falco in a teasing manner, as Stew's dark horse pick Mario was ready to go. A true athlete, as Stew called him.
"Three, two, one...GO!" said the computerized female voice doing the countdown, and Mario began shooting once the countdown ended. Mario was shooting lights out...or so he hoped.
"Ladies and gentlemen, this is incredible!" exclaimed Chick, left in awe of the shooting display that Mario was putting up. "Mario has missed every single shot that he has taken!"
"And now he just made his first one," stated Stew, as Mario finally made a shot...on the fourth rack. Better to make one, than none at all. "Way to jinx the man, Chick! We were on the cusp of history being made!"
Mario did pick up some steam near the end, as he made about five of his final ten shots. But still, five simply wasn't enough to earn Mario victory.
"The first fifteen-a shots didn't count, my left-a arm was half-asleep," Mario gave his excuse to Chick and Stew, wanting a do-over to redeem himself. "May I go again?"
"And that's a wrap, folks!" announced Chick, as an angry Mario grabbed his hat and threw it unto the floor in bitter defeat - but rage most of all. "Falco is the winner of the three-point contest."
"Just like I called it," bragged Falco, walking into the camera's focus and celebrating his victory while Mario was extremely beside himself. "Told you that I was the better shooter, Cuphead!"
xxxxx
"Let's talk about passing the ball to your teammates," said Fútbot, as he was about to start the second lesson with Denzel. Mario and Cloud had to be willing participants for this one. "Face either one of Mario and Cloud, and pass them the ball."
"Don't be a ball-a hog," Mario advised Denzel, who took the plumber's advice to heart...only less than half of it, that is. Denzel passed the ball to Cloud, as he kicked it to the swordsman.
"Great job! Next, I'll teach you how to do a lob pass, which is a pass that flies in an arc over an opponent's head. Try it now!"
"Give it your best shot," Cloud said to Denzel as he kicked the ball towards him. Denzel saw Mario and did a lob pass to the plumber...as the ball sailed right over Jennifer's head.
"Mama mia..." gasped Mario, who found himself shocked and disappointed with Denzel for reasons unknown. "...you made-a Jennifer your designated opponent?"
"I mean, it wasn't personal," stated Denzel; he couldn't help the fact that Jennifer was in close proximity to Mario while she was looking at a flower. "I have nothing against toddlers."
"Foddler, Jennifer is a foddler," Mario corrected Denzel before sighing deeply, hating the fact that he had to educate the boy. He was going to make the word "foddler" catch on one day.
"Moving on to tackling and dodging!" said Fútbot, anxious to get started with the next lesson. This was a lesson that Cloud was the most afraid about. "Simply put, tackling knocks an opponent down."
"Isn't tackling against the rules, though?" asked Cloud, only to be tackled in his legs by Mario. Mario ran towards Cloud at full force, bringing him down. "Not cool, Mario!"
"That's what happens when you let your guard-a down," replied Mario, as he angered Cloud with how rough he was. He was at least kind enough to help Cloud back to his feet.
"An A for effort, Mario!" Fútbot gave his props to the plumber, now expecting Denzel to follow through with a tackle of his own. "Now Denzel, why don't you take a crack at it?"
"Remember what I told-a you..." Mario was glaring at Denzel, daring him to tackle Jennifer...but since Jennifer was still enchanted with that flower, Denzel opted to tackle Mario instead.
"Here goes nothing," said Denzel, as he ran past Jennifer and tackled Mario to the ground. The form was slightly awkward, but the execution was solid.
"Can he go for the knees-a and tear someone's ACL?" Mario asked Fútbot as he was lying on the ground, as Fútbot shook his head in much disapproval. "We're talking about-a competitive advantage here..."
Mario: *holding Cranky Awards trophy* This award-a is part humbling...and part embarrassing. Should Peach ever ask-a what this trophy is for, I'll just tell her that it was a late participation trophy from-a being in that three-point shooting contest. But don't tell Bowser that, or I'll never hear the end-a of it...
Cranky Kong: Way to go Mario! *applauds* Keep up the good work, and you just might win next year's award. If the author allows me to do this again, that is. Moving on to our next award - the Most Obnoxious Award! Now this one was a unanimous decision, a decision fueled by the very friend of the award winner. Who won the award, you ask? Barry of the Sinnoh region! Roll the tape!
Professor Rowan had hosted a Pokemon Summit in episode 309, and the subject that was being discussed had to do with Pokemon in the Hisui region. Rowan had done several studies on the Pokemon that once lived in Hisui, which have now become extinct many years later. However, he wanted his hands on these particular Pokemon one way or another.
Thanks to a tip from one of his scientist acquaintances, Rowan discovered that time travel was somewhat possible at the mansion. Dr. N. Tropy had demonstrated it first when he built the Rift Generator in the basement back in episode 273. With the Rift Generator having been dismantled a month after it was built, Rowan needed to build a time machine himself..and fortunately, he brought some folks along to assist him.
"This is for running that red light earlier!" Barry barked at some poor SUV driver, as he and Dawn filed out of an SUV parked in the mansion's driveway. Barry had thrown an empty Poke Ball at the driver...and missed. "Hope you enjoy being fined!"
"Can you not embarrass yourself for one moment?" Dawn pleaded to Barry, who retrieved his Poke Ball from inside the SUV. "You're acting like that traffic incident affected you personally."
"But it did affect me personally...it affected all of us personally! We could've gotten in a car crash and died, if not for this guy's negligence!"
"Barry...that is enough," a certain professor said sternly to the Pokemon trainer, who hushed his yap in a hurry. The professor that was speaking to Barry was none other than Rowan, who was accompanied by three other Pokemon professors - Elm, Juniper, and Burnet.
Dawn: Barry and I are on another trip to the mansion...and yes, I have to play plus-one once again. No, Barry didn't stage a hunger strike outside Rowan's lab this time - he just threatened to post humiliating photos of Rowan online for the whole world to see. Granted, Rowan doesn't have such photos since he rarely takes any - or even knows how to operate a phone - but he signed Barry up anyway for the sake of his overall sanity.
"Sorry, Professor Rowan! I just get so bothered when people choose to drive poorly on the road," responded Barry, as Dawn pinched the crown of her nose wishing that she was back at home in Sinnoh. Master Hand came outside, floating over to Rowan and company.
"Hello, professors!" Master Hand greeted Rowan and company, impressed by the crew that Rowan assembled, before taking notice of Dawn and Barry. "And hello to you, Dawn."
"What about me?" Barry whined to Master Hand, who completely ignored the Pokemon trainer as he floated closer to Rowan. Barry let out a defeated sigh as he hunched over in sadness.
xxxxx
Anna came through for many folks at both the tower and mansion, sending their significant others an invite to the party. She also came through for couples that lived outside of Seattle but were on enough friendly terms to receive an invite. Some folks heard about the party through word of mouth and decided to come to the party even without a formal invite. Such as Dawn and Barry, for instance.
"I highly doubt that this Valentine's Day party will have a raffle, Barry," Dawn said to the Pokemon trainer, who had dragged his friend to Seattle to be his girlfriend for a day. Dawn and Barry were walking to the mansion right now.
"Then if not today, then there'll be one on Monday!" proclaimed Barry, fully confident that a Valentine's Day raffle would take place. That Christmas raffle legitimately broke him. "If not then, somebody's getting fined!"
"She just had to tell you about this dumb party, huh?" a certain mercenary asked his partner-in-crime, as two Talon operatives arrived at the mansion - Reaper and Sombra. Reaper was raring to go back home - or at least get away from Sombra.
"I can always trust Samus to keep me on tabs about stuff going on at the mansion," replied Sombra, as she and Reaper arrived at the porch around the same time that Dawn and Barry. "Don't you two look cute together..." Sombra said to Dawn and Barry, with a smile.
"Oh wow! You two are an item?" Barry asked Sombra and Reaper out of pure shock, as Reaper could be heard grumbling angry under his mask. "I never would've guessed!"
"Glad that you finally noticed." Sombra was acting all flirty with Reaper, stroking her finger on the disgruntled mercenary's mask. "Reaper's my sugar daddy."
"I am not your sugar daddy..." Reaper angrily told Sombra through clenched teeth, as he tightened his fists. One of these days, as he would often say to himself...
"Whatever you say, sugar daddy." Sombra got further under Reaper's skin when she missed the mercenary on his cheek, causing him to growl with rage. Dawn wisely kept her mouth shut, but Barry couldn't help but stoke the fire.
"If you're her sugar daddy, how much are you paying her?" Barry asked Reaper, who took out both of his shotguns and pointed them at the Pokemon trainer. Barry backed off. "Know what, it's cool, keep that to yourself..."
Dawn: Barry is really hoping that today's party has a raffle, which is why he asked me to be his date. Should there be no raffle, our trip will be a wash. It's already a wash regardless.
xxxxx
For Pit, a lone positive of Canada Day is that he didn't have to man Cafe Leblanc by himself. The angel would be in Vancouver, where he could hang out with his friends and drink all the maple syrup that he wanted to drink. Provided that there wasn't a limit.
But until everyone was ready to leave, Pit had to serve as the cafe's lone barista. The angel stood behind the counter as people were coming to the cafe to get in their coffee fix before the big trip. Or in Sans's case, tell a few Canadian jokes.
"papyrus said that he didn't know what the capital of canada was," Sans said to Dawn and Barry - the two Pokemon trainers who happened to be on Anna's guest list. Dawn turned down her invite; Barry sadly did not, so Dawn was forced to come. "i said to him, 'you ottawa know it.'"
"That joke wasn't even remotely funny," said Dawn as waited on Pit to fix her cup of coffee...while Barry was laughing his butt off. Dawn found herself gravely disappointed in Barry's sense of humor.
"Another joke, tell us another joke!" Barry encouraged Sans, who appreciated the Pokemon trainer for recognizing his comedic genius. Dawn was slowly on the verge of losing it.
"did you know? in ottawa, yukon see the northern lights." Sans had Barry laughing a second time, as Barry laughed and slapped his knee. Those sitting near Barry gave judging looks, much to Dawn's embarrassment.
"Oh man, keep telling jokes like those and you'll NEVER get fined!" Being the only person in the universe to never catch a fine from Barry would be quite a title for Sans to achieve.
"I'm out..." grumbled Dawn, having grown tired of Sans's puns as she got up and left the cafe. Like any other cafe patron (except Barry), Dawn had a breaking point when it came to Sans.
xxxxx
Isabelle found Master Hand in the living room, where Sonic was watching a football game with Tails, Knuckles, Silver, Crash, Coco, Crunch, Dawn, and Barry. Accompanying the group was Nemona, who was sure to be a Thanksgiving fixture much like Leon and Professor Kukui.
"Pretty cool of the NFL to make the Detroit Lions play a good team for Thanksgiving," commented Knuckles, watching as the Detroit Lions were playing the Buffalo Bills. "Really evens things out, you know?"
"What, that was an illegal hit!" shouted Barry as he pointed at the TV, seething after a Lions player made a perfectly clean tackle on the Bills' ball carrier. "Where is the flag? The player AND the referee should be fined!"
"One, that was a clean tackle," stated Coco, now under the guise that Barry was a major softie and was too chicken to admit it out loud. "And two, I think these players have been fined enough already..."
Barry: YES! I finally won something! *triumphantly holds up trophy* It may not be a Porygon doll but for now, it's the next best thing. Wait until I show this to Dawn, she'll be so happy for me!
Dawn: It was me who told Cranky to give Barry that award. Cranky was drawing a blank in his mind until I spoke with him the other night. Could say that I saved his award show, in a way.
Cranky Kong: We were supposed to have a musical performance at this time, from K.K. Slider, but he bowed out at the last minute. What a coward. But it's all good because we can move on to the next award - the Goober Award! This was also a unanimous decision, and the winner of the award is...Pit! Let's play some footage.
Joker was by all accounts a very handsome dude, and so he was given an equally handsome anime character to cosplay as...Light Yagami. The young man ran Cafe Leblanc with his white dress shirt and red tie under his jacket and was doing it in style. He even had the Death Note resting on the counter, which he had to keep out of the wrong hands.
"Cool, is that the Death Note?" Pit, who was cosplaying as Izuku Midoriya, asked Joker as he spotted the Death Note. The angel reached for the book, only for Joker to instinctively swat his hands away.
"Keep your hands away from the book, Pit," Joker commanded the angel, as he grabbed the Death Note and moved it away from Pit. "I don't want you writing down people's names in it."
"Aw, come on, it's not like I wanna use it to kill people! I just wanna see how authentic it is." Given that most residents had their powers "activated" from the costumes they wore, Joker simply couldn't take any chances with the Death Note.
"yeah, i would kill to take a look at the book as well," quipped Sans, seated at the counter while dressed up as One Piece's Brook. Sans sure looked goofy with the poofy afro upon his head.
"Well, you can forget it," Joker said to Sans, as he readily prepared a cup of coffee for any patron that walked through the cafe door. "That book is a prop, and you all will treat it as such."
Joker: That Death Note was conveniently resting on my nightstand this morning. I didn't look into it too much, but I did write down a name in there just to see if my ink pen was working. *pauses* It was the first name that came to my mind. Unless that book isn't magic, I just hope that I didn't accidentally kill anyone...
Joker and the baristas were soon greeted by an explosion, one that was big enough to blow the cafe entrance down. Once the smoke cleared, Ryuji was revealed to be standing where the cafe entrance once was, dressed up as Katsuki Bakugo.
"Check it out, Joker - I can do cool explosions!" Ryuji exclaimed to his friend, who was more than disappointed by the damage that was brought to his cafe. "No sweat required."
"Why is this cafe always undergoing new renovations..." Joker sighed as he facepalmed, starting to lose count of the times his cafe was damaged or in danger of being destroyed. Mr. Game and Watch could only fix the cafe up so many times.
"Uh oh..." fretted Pit, who found it scarily coincidental that Ryuji was cosplaying as Bakugo. The moment that he saw Pit, Ryuji frowned and pointed at the angel for he had a score to settle with him.
"Don't think I haven't forgotten what you did to me on New Year's Eve!" Ryuji shouted at Pit, letting him know how ticked off he was. He still had yet to let things go. "Sending in that overrated wrestler to kick my butt..."
"To be fair, he kicked my butt too, but only because I said that wrestling was real. That Roman tried to convince me otherwise! Who knew that our tribal chief was such a good liar?"
"Still don't get it, do you..." Ryuji shook his head at Pit, as he continued to be profoundly disturbed by the angel's ignorance. "...how about we settle this, once and for all? You and me, outside!"
"Please don't take up on his offer," Kirby quietly advised Pit, not wanting to see his best friend end up getting hurt. Pit might even hurt himself, trying to use the Quirk that his costume granted him.
"You got yourself a deal!" exclaimed Pit, as Kirby feared for the worst; Ryuji would put Pit in a body bag faster than he could say "uncle". "If it's a fight you want, then it's a fight you're gonna get!"
"Ha! I'm looking forward to it," smirked Ryuji, who was anxious over the thought of creaming Pit in his fight. Considering the kind of opponent Pit was, it would be a walk in the park for Ryuji. "Better be there, or be squared!"
"Uh, same to you!" With the challenge accepted by Pit, Ryuji walked out of the cafe, not caring about the damage he brought to Joker's beloved institution. The delinquent was more focused on how he was going to make Pit plead for mercy.
"Can't believe you, Pit," Joker voiced his disappointment to the angel, hoping that Pit knew the kind of trouble he was getting himself into. "Ryuji is going to kill you there - even if you're immortal!"
"Hold up, was Ryuji being serious when he challenged me to a fight?" Pit asked Joker and Kirby, needing some clarification; can't risk showing up outside just by himself, and making himself look like a fool. "Thought for sure that he was joking around."
"I think that he was being deadly serious..." replied Kirby, who was already getting some bad vibes. Viridi finally arrived at the cafe, dressed as Mai Kawakami of Myriad Colors Phantom World, and observed the damage that was done to the cafe.
"Sheesh, did a wrecking ball hit this place or what?" Viridi asked the baristas, as he entered through the gaping hole that Ryuji left behind. "Didn't know we're doing a remodeling this early."
"No, Viridi, that was just Ryuji being reckless with his costume," Joker informed Viridi, who went to go grab her cafe apron from the back of the cafe. "But we have bigger things to worry about than that."
"your boyfriend accepted ryuji's offer of having a fight outside," Sans said to Viridi, who gasped in shock; even Viridi knew that Pit would get destroyed in a fight with Ryuji, with or without Quirks. "might wanna call a local hospital, give 'em a heads up in advance."
"Pit, are you out of your mind?" Viridi asked the angel, as this was yet another instance of the goddess of nature questioning her boyfriend's sanity.
"I mean, I guess so," Pit replied with a shrug, fifty-fifty on whether or not Ryuji was being truly serious. It was apparently hard for the angel to tell.
"It might be too late for you to talk your way out of this," Joker said to Pit, who saw Joker's Death Note with the corner of his eye. "Better start finding someone to replace you."
"Eh, you can go on ahead...it won't bother me." Pit had a plan to get himself out of the fight with Ryuji...and it involved the booker that Joker had.
xxxxx
His plan foiled by Riku, Dark Pit left the lounge as he was forced to search elsewhere. Upon exiting, the doppelganger saw Pit sitting on the floor next to the lounge entrance, writing something in a notebook of sorts.
"What's that you got there, a stupid diary?" Dark Pit asked as he snorted, wanting nothing more than to grab Pit's diary and rip it to shreds. Only if it meant reducing Pit to tears.
"Dark Pit, how do you spell Ryuji's last name?" Pit asked the doppelganger, who was completely dumbfounded by the question. "I keep misspelling his name."
"You've lived with Ryuji for a few years, and you're asking this now? Also, why do you wanna know so bad? Is he part of your stupid diary entry?"
"Diary? What diary? This is a Death Note I'm writing in. I'm trying to write down Ryuji's full name, so that way I can kill him off for good."
"That's gotta be the saddest thing I've ever heard..." Soon Pit heard a notification sound from his cellphone, and the angel took out his device to see that he had a text message.
"Oh snap! Ryuji just sent me a text, telling me to meet him outside in half an hour for our fight. How did he even get my phone number?!"
"You do realize that you gave him your contact info, right? I'm surprised that he even challenged you, of all people, to a fight."
"Thought he was joking about it at first, but it turns out he was dead serious. That's why I'm trying to write his name down in this Death Note so that way I can kill him and not worry about..."
"I think there's a better way to do this." Dark Pit placed his hand on Pit, causing the angel to stop his attempts at correctly writing Ryuji's last name. "You know there's another option..."
"You're gonna help me dodge this fight with Ryuji?" Pit was looking at Dark Pit with pleading eyes, wanting to do whatever was necessary to avoid ending up in a body bag. Not wanting to hurt Pit's feelings, Dark Pit sighed.
"...I could try and steal his power." That was great news for Pit, who grinned as he closed the Death Note - likely for now. "Why do I have to be the one to save your butt..."
xxxxx
While Luigi was about to lay the smackdown on Mario, another one-sided fight was about to take place - Pit vs Ryuji. Pit refused to face Ryuji unless he knew for certain that Dark Pit stole the delinquent's Quirk.
"I couldn't steal his Quirk," Dark Pit spoke with Pit in the foyer, as Ryuji was likely outside in the front waiting for Pit's arrival. "My Sharingan wasn't working."
"Is it too late for an impromptu eye exam?" Pit asked with a wry smile, as Dark Pit gave the angel a blank stare. "That was such a stupid question..."
"I'll say. I know you're not gonna like this, Pit but you're gonna have to go about this alone." Accepting the fate he was bound to receive, Pit nodded his head.
"Figured as much. But before I let you go..." Pit pulled out the Death Note and ink pen, which Dark Pit had anticipated. "...can you show me how to spell Ryuji's last name properly?"
xxxxx
Ryuji stood outside the mansion, waiting for Pit to come down the porch steps. He wouldn't have to wait much longer, as his opponent had just exited the mansion, standing on the porch.
"About time you showed up!" Ryuji called out to Pit, smirking and flexing his fingers as he got himself in a fighting mood. "Ready for your butt-kicking of a lifetime?"
"I think that it is I who will be having the last laugh," replied Pit as he came down the porch steps, while Ryuji looked on confused. Ryuji could tell that Pit looked ready to cheat - and by no means would he allow that to happen.
"Hey, hey, how about we lay out some rules first? No cheating! Just our..." Ryuji would stop speaking, as Pit pulled out the Death Note. Ryuji recognized the cover of the book right away. "...is that a Death Note?"
"You're absolutely right! And with this Death Note, I can write your name down and kill you instantly...but only on one condition."
"First of all, death isn't instant - I think the person has like forty seconds until they die or something." Forty seconds is still kind of instant, Ryuji. "Also, you really think that stupid book is gonna work?"
"Why not? If it means avoiding a fight with you, then so be it! Now, prepare to die." Pit had his ink pen ready to go, as he furiously wrote down Ryuji's full name in the Death Note. The angel then waited forty seconds, as he waited for the Death Note to do its thing.
The forty seconds had passed, and Ryuji had yet to drop dead to the ground. Pit looked at the Death Note, double-checking to see if Ryuji's last name was spelled correctly.
"Is this the correct spelling of your last name?" Pit asked Ryuji as he showed the delinquent his full name written in the Death Note. Ryuji could tell that something was off.
"You dolt...my last name has a 'k' in it!" Ryuji stated with a frown, as Pit saw that Ryuji's last name was spelled as "Sacamoto" instead of "Sakamoto". "But I can't say that I'm not surprised..."
Dark Pit: I couldn't bring myself to tell Pit the right way of spelling Ryuji's last name. Didn't want to take any chances, you know? Also, imagine dying at the hands of Pit. That would be such an embarrassing way to go out, so I did Ryuji a huge favor.
"Thanks for the heads up," Pit thanked Ryuji, as he wrote down the delinquent's full name but this time spelling Sakamoto correctly. Pit then waited forty seconds for Ryuji to die...but Ryuji had lived past the time duration.
"Sooooo...am I gonna die or what?" asked Ryuji, who had yet to suffer from some kind of cardiac arrest or anything else of the sort. Pit had finally spelled Ryuji's last name correctly, so what gives?
"Maybe writing down the cause of death under your name will help speed up the process," assumed Pit, biting on his ink pen as his brain juices were flowing. "Is there any way that you wish to go out, Ryuji?"
"You know what...this isn't worth wasting my time and energy." Ryuji had enough of Pit at this point, as the delinquent walked past Dark Pit and went back inside the mansion. "I'm calling off the fight. Consider yourself lucky."
"I know! Death from getting eaten alive! That sounds painless." Pit saw that Ryuji had gone back inside the mansion, as he chased after the delinquent. "Ryuji, wait - what kind of animal do you want to devour you?"
Pit: Pardon my ignorance...but what is a goober? I hear the word thrown about on Spongebob, but I never really understood what it meant. Is it a good thing? If I got a trophy for it, I assume that it's a good thing.
Cranky Kong: We did have more footage to play for the highlight reel, but that whole incident between Pit and Ryuji covered everything. It was the most defining example. Now for our next award, we have the Most Paranoid award! This bad boy goes out to the person that was the craziest. And I can only think of one person who takes this award by a landslide...Dr. Albert Wily! Here are some of his craziest moments.
Because Professor Burnet said the words "time machine", you know that Dr. Wily was triggered somewhere. Where was Dr. Wily, though? He could be at the tower taking a nap, or he could be out shopping for some essentials. Wherever Dr. Wily was, he was bound to bother someone about this time machine being constructed at the mansion. He could be at Mario's house, even.
"So it was Professor E. Gadd who stole-a that journal!" stated Mario, as he was in the kitchen preparing some lunch. Snake had filled Mario in about the journal, and even apologized to the plumber for having Luigi (try to) beat him up. "I never would-a have known."
"You've been hanging on that same fact for about a week now," Spyro said to Mario, who had found the sliced turkey that he was looking for in the fridge. "Also, why do you sound butthurt?"
"Because I never got the chance-a to finish reading that journal. So much juicy info I could've taken in before-a Snake and Hal got their hands on it."
"Meh, pretty sure it was just intelligible chicken scratch anyway." As Spyro left the kitchen, Mario was about to fix his ham and turkey sandwich when he heard a knock on the back screen door. Mario went to the screen door and saw Dr. Wily banging on the glass.
"Dr. Wily?" Mario uttered the robot inventor's name, as he opened the screendoor; Wily rushed inside Mario's house, nearly trampling over Mario and sending him down to the floor.
"Mario, you have to go," a panicky Wily stressed to the plumber, acting as if an apocalypse was on the horizon and Mario's family were the only ones affected. "Run as far as you can!"
"Why should-a I? What's the rush?" Mario saw his question go unanswered, as Wily hurried up the stairs before coming back down a moment later with a small suitcase. "That's-a my travel suitcase."
"It'll do, for now." Wily placed the suitcase on the floor and unzipped it, before going into the laundry area and tossing random clothes into the suitcase. Peach came over to Mario, seeing the state of affairs that Wily was in.
"Those clothes have yet to be dried," Peach informed Wily, who was taken clothes out of the washing machine and was trying to stuff them inside Mario's small suitcase. Wily got frustrated as none of the clothes fit.
"Princess Peach! You, your daughter, and your pet dog must go with Mario, and leave this city forever," Wily instructed Peach who found what the robot inventor said to be too drastic beyond measure. "It'll be for your own good!"
"Oh, dear! Is someone plotting to kill us?" Peach was growing fearful, whereas Mario remained confused. Wily ultimately gave up on stuffing the suitcase, as he got up and looked at Peach solemnly in the eye.
"I fear that something even worse is about to happen..." Wily took a brief pause, letting the moment settle in so that Peach would be comfortable enough to take in and process what she was about to hear. "...your husband, Mario, might be traveling back through time."
Spring Man: You should've seen it - Dr. Wily ran out of the tower like a madman! The dude was moving faster than a Ninjask if that's even possible to believe. Don't know what ticked him off, but he randomly shouted "time machine?!" before turning on the jets.
Dr. Wily: Yes, "time machine" is one of my trigger words. Some of my other trigger words, aside from Professor E. Gadd's name, include "geriatrics, "world peace", and "pineapple pizza".
"Really? That's it?" snorted Cappy, failing to see what the big issue was. Wily resented the fact that Cappy was downplaying the situation. "That's not really a big deal, in my opinion."
"But it is a big deal!" stressed Wily, bothered that nobody else cared as much as he did. It really made him feel like the odd man out. "Mario almost lost his life going back in time, and I refuse to let history repeat itself."
"You sure care a lot about my well-a being, Dr. Wily," Mario said to the robot inventor, who gently took the plumber's hand; he totally didn't bother taking the travel suitcase with him, it was a lost cause.
"On the contrary, Mario - I care more about people not falling victim to time-traveling. Now we must go!" So Wily took Mario out of his house through the screen door, as he expected Peach to follow after him.
xxxxx
The tailgate party had yet to miss a beat at Conker's house, although Conker had yet to enjoy any of the party food. Layton and Luke, who were already stuffed, decided to take a look around the house while the others watched the game.
"His wine cellar looks noticeably empty..." observed Layton as he and Luke inspected Conker's wine cellar - not a single bottle of Jack Daniels in sight. Some frantic knocking was heard at the front door, and Jakob left his room to answer it.
"Everyone's too glued to the television, it seems," mumbled Jakob as he answered the door; the butler expected Pac-Man and Orson, but instead saw a certain robot inventor. "Dr. Wily?"
"Where's the time machine?" Wily asked Jakob as he barged inside the house, looking behind stuff and checking underneath couch cushions for the time machine in question. "Where is it?"
"Even if there was a time machine, it wouldn't be kept here at this party." But Wily remained undeterred, as he searched every nook and cranny of Conker's house for a time machine that did not exist.
xxxxx
"All done?" Denzel asked Coco, who dropped her wrench to the floor as the machine was up and working again. "Looks like you're back in business, E. Gadd."
"You can say that again!" exclaimed E. Gadd, as he and Cortex were relieved to see that the machine functioning properly without any hiccups. "Thank you Coco for fixing our...our, um..."
"Fixing your what?" Crunch asked E. Gadd as he leaned in close to the inventor, waiting for him to finish his sentence. E. Gadd was all sweaty. "What's so wrong with saying the word?"
"He might hear us..." replied Cortex, cowering in fear like the grim reaper was about to swoop in and steal his soul. Cloud and Denzel saw the palpable fear from E. Gadd and Cortex, and even Crash as well for some reason.
"I don't see what the big deal is," said Denzel, unnerved by the rather strange overreactions. Almost like he was out of the loop. "Clearly this is a time machine, so why can't you mention..."
"Haha, he actually said the word!" chuckled Uka, as the fear that E. Gadd and Cortex had increased tenfold. Crash even fainted on the floor. "You're screwed now, Cortex."
"Hurry, let's lock the front door before he finds his way in," E. Gadd said to Cortex, who nodded his head as the two geniuses left the room. They were running like men on a mission, on the cusp of saving the universe.
But unfortunately for E. Gadd and Cortex, they wouldn't get too far for they ran into the last person they wanted to see...Dr. Wily. Wily stood by with his arms folded, tapping his foot angrily.
"Looking for someone?" Wily asked E. Gadd and Cortex, who found no way of maneuvering past the robot inventor. The robot inventor was waiting for his moment to shine.
Wily: Do not be alarmed, I was here much sooner. Camped outside until that numskull Crash let me in. When I heard Mr. Resetti mention something about a time machine, I had to go to E. Gadd's mansion to see what was up.
Mr. Resetti: *sighs* Can't even talk about that Hot Tub Time Machine movie without upsetting Dr. Wily. Old coot seriously needs to get over himself!
"Which one of you geniuses had the brilliant idea of building a time machine?" Wily asked E. Gadd and Cortex, ready to unleash his unbridled fury on which genius was responsible.
"It was his idea," E. Gadd outed Cortex as he pointed at the evil genius; Wily looked at Cortex, who flinched in anticipation, before looking at E. Gadd...and smacking him in the face. "Ow! Why me?"
"Because you could've talked Cortex out of it while you had the chance. Also, I really just wanted to smack you." Wily was satisfied with what he did, smiling as E. Gadd rubbed his face.
"E. Gadd, Cortex, you coming?" Coco called out to the duo, wondering what was taking them so long to lock the front door. "I'm about to press start on the time machine!"
"Hope you got what you wanted," E. Gadd said to a satisfied Wily, his face still sore as he and Cortex returned to the room. Happy that he got one over E. Gadd, Wily left the premises.
xxxxx
"Stop grumbling, stomach! Hold it together," Wily shouted at his grumbling stomach as he was down in the tower basement, working hard on his machine. Lakitu heard Wily working away, as he floated down the stairs on his cloud.
"Watcha doin', doc?" the Koopa inquired, under the assumption that Wily was building a completely new machine. Wily thought for sure he had the basement door locked. "Building a time machine just so you can claim that you found one?"
"How dare you! Go away, I say!" The very moment Lakitu mentioned a time machine, Wily yelled at Lakitu - enough to send him flying out of the basement in fear. The robot inventor was hyperventilating a bit, before resuming his work.
xxxxx
Lysandre was with Mario, Peach, Lucas, and others in the ballroom, as the campfire was still blazing. Everyone was merry for the most part, save for a suddenly panicky Dr. Wily.
"Did you hear that?" Wily asked the others, standing up as he felt the strange need to leave the ballroom and kick somebody's butt. "Somebody mentioned a time machine."
"Nobody mentioned anything, it's all in your head," Aqua said to Wily, before gasping as Crash held his ugly Christmas sweater over the fire. "Crash!"
"Don't mind him, he's making his ugly Christmas sweater even uglier," Sonic defended Crash's actions, as Crash pulled his sweater away from the heat. The Cortex face on the sweater was even more messed up.
Wily: *on stilts with his leg in a cast, while holding his trophy* At least something came out from my many suspicions...got a stinking trophy. But make no mistake, I will dismantle Professor E. Gadd's time machine! Right after I heal up from my injuries. Stupid cyborg from the future...I shall have my revenge!
Cranky Kong: This next award is my personal favorite - the Best Dressed award! Whoever showed out the most this year from a fashion standpoint will earn this sucker. The winner of this award, without question...is the former doctor of drip himself, Dr. Eggman! He may not be Dr. Drip anymore these days, but we can always take a trip down memory lane...
Knuckles took Eggman to his room at the tower, hoping to give the mad scientist an inspiration of sorts. His roommate, Shadow, was trying to keep to himself while reading his book.
"The perfect combination is always style and substance," Knuckles said to Eggman, speaking as if he was some kind of fashion guru. "You can't have one more than the other."
"Duly noted," Eggman nodded his head, as Knuckles was pulling out a bunch of fly-looking suits from his closet. Had a lot more than he imagined. "Is that a leopard suit?"
"Sure is! Got it as a birthday gift from Rouge." Knuckles held up the leopard suit in question, as Eggman took the time to admire it. Shadow shook his head as he looked over at Knuckles and Eggman.
"You cannot be serious, Dr. Eggman," Shadow voiced his displeasure towards the mad scientist, coming off as extremely disappointed. "Did you become a fashionista to make up for your awful track record as a villain?"
"Shut up Shadow, our business does not concern you!" Eggman snapped at the black hedgehog, who groaned as he went back to his book.
Shadow: Never understood the whole appeal behind Dr. Eggman's "Dr. Drip" persona. I know that he's always been a vain attention seeker, but I fear he's taking it too far at this point.
As Knuckles continued to pull more suits out of his closet, he heard a text notification. The echidna pulled out his phone, seeing that Fox had sent a mass text to all Star Records employees...and Doc Louis.
"Hold on, Doc - there's a Star Records meeting being held soon," Knuckles said to Eggman as he put his phone away; Shadow felt a sudden wave of relief wash over his shoulders. "Go through those suits on my bed, and see if you like any of them."
"Quite the interesting palette to choose from!" grinned Eggman, rubbing his hands together in excitement as Knuckles left the room. A part of Shadow hoped that Knuckles would never come back.
"If I were you, I'd burn all those suits," Shadow suggested to Eggman, flipping a page in his book. Eggman gasped at the black hedgehog, acting like a total drama queen.
"And waste Knuckles' hard-spent money? Preposterous!" Then Eggman had a wicked idea, as he grabbed the leopard suit and eyed Shadow intently. "How about I try these suits on you...make you a model!"
"You better not..." Shadow hopped off of his bed, as a grinning Eggman inched closer to him while holding up the leopard suit. "...Dr. Eggman, this is your only warning!"
xxxxx
With the Star Records meeting over with, Knuckles returned to the tower to see how Eggman was handling himself. He furrowed his brow coming down the hallway, as he heard the Squid Sisters from his room.
"O-M-G...he looks fabulous!" squealed Callie, as Knuckles went inside this room...and saw Shadow wearing a mismatched suit. Marie and Callie were checking the black hedgehog out.
"Everything mixes in so well," commented Marie, pulling on the sleeve of the suit that Shadow was forced to wear. Shadow looked up and glared at Eggman, his disdain for the mad scientist at an all-time high.
"Dr. Eggman...?" uttered Knuckles, who was at loss for words when he saw Shadow's suit - which was made up of a bunch of other suits. Many parts cut out from the suits were left lying on the echidna's bed.
"Knuckles! Allow me to explain!" said Eggman, worried that Knuckles might put him on blast for cutting up his suits. "You see, I was doing a little mixing and matching, seeing what matched well with..."
"Say no more, Dr. Eggman..." At that moment, Eggman backed down, as Shadow wanted Knuckles to show the mad scientist absolutely no mercy. "...what you just did...was the most ingenious thing ever!"
"It was?" Eggman and Shadow asked Knuckles simultaneously, with one man pleased by the echidna's remark while the other...not so much.
"Yeah! You mixing all my suits together made for an eclectic combination. A perfect combination of style AND substance!"
"And Eggman had the perfect model in mind to show off his genius!" smiled Callie as she pinched Shadow's cheek, with Shadow aggressively slapping the Inkling's hand away. Callie might get an angry letter soon.
"Haha! The drip is here to stay!" bellowed Eggman, feeling reinvigorated after hearing Knuckles' positive feedback. He was feeling inspired again. "Time to get that suit custom-fitted for the drip master himself."
Shadow: Someone needs a new hobby...He said that about Metal Sonic? How ironic.
xxxxx
Using the suits that were left on Knuckles' bed, Eggman combined them all to create the ultimate suit...and it looked just as good on him as it did on Shadow (if not better, in his most humble opinion). Now came the best part - showing off his new suit to the world. Or more specifically, the tower denizens.
"Lookin' fly, you two!" Spring Man complimented Eggman and Shadow, who were both accompanied by Knuckles. Shadow wished that he was somewhere else right now. "You'd make for an awesome model, Shadow."
"Say that again, and I will kill you..." Shadow threatened Spring Man, ready to pull out his gun if he had to. Eggman grabbed Shadow and pulled him away from Spring Man.
"Our suits were made from the ones that were in Knuckles' closet," explained Eggman, overjoyed by the high remarks that he was receiving. "Each piece of fabric was melded together to create the ultimate masterpiece!"
"The ultimate drip, if you will," Knuckles said to Spring Man, as the mere mention of the word was enough to make Shadow cringe. Made him want to tear off his suit and rip it to shreds.
"I demand that Mario sees my suit! For he is a fine drip connoisseur." Unfortunately for Eggman, Knuckles wouldn't let him have his way...for he had someone better in mind.
"Forget Mario - we gotta let Sonic see this! Dude called every suit in my closet ugly...wonder what he's gonna say now!"
xxxxx
"Uh oh, here comes trouble..." alerted Coco as she looked up and saw the Egg Mobile, which was piloted by none other than Eggman himself. Inside the Egg Mobile were Knuckles and Shadow - both of whom were cramped.
"Sonic and friends! Get a load of the drip!" exclaimed Eggman as he landed his Egg Mobile before he and his passengers got out. The mad scientist showed off his dripping new suit, as Shadow did the same...well, hardly.
"C'mon, Shadow, strike a pose!" Knuckles encouraged the black hedgehog, who was just standing there with a big frown questioning his own existence. "Give that suit a little pizzazz."
"I'll give you the beating of a lifetime if you don't shut up..." Shadow muttered at Knuckles, as he wanted to tear off his suit...although doing so would incur the wrath of Eggman.
"No offense, Eggman, but that suit looks hideous," Sonic offered his two cents on Eggman's new suit, and he knew exactly what made it look so ugly in the first place. "Did you make them from Knuckles' other suits? No wonder!"
"Watcha trying to say?" Knuckles angrily questioned Sonic, looking to pummel the blue hedgehog to oblivion. Amy was the only obstacle standing in his way. "You saying that Eggman doesn't have good taste?"
"Neither do you, so I can see why you two hit it off." With that comment, Knuckles was ticked off, as he chased Sonic around the movie theater parking lot. Sonic ran at a normal pace - only to keep things fair.
Eggman: This is incredible! I gave up on being Dr. Drip, and I still got an award! If Bowser keeps the drip up, then he might win this award next year. Speaking of Bowser... *leans in close to the camera* ...has he won an award yet? I'd hate it if any other villain collects more trophies than yours truly!
Cranky Kong: The second-to-last award is a wholesome one, and it's called the Best Dad award. We've had plenty of dads in the running - Chrom, Cloud, and even Bowser. (Bowser was a last minute add.) Who won, you ask? How about I play the footage...
Everyone that was at the Mario household was now in the teleportation room, where Mega Man was trying to reel Denzel to the mansion. Everyone was excited to see Denzel, save for Cloud.
"Sorry that they forced you to do this," Cloud quietly apologized to Mega Man, who had keyed in the coordinates to Edge. That was the place where Denzel was allegedly living at.
"Are you kidding me? I would love to meet your adopted kid, Cloud," replied Mega Man, unable to contain the optimism that he was feeling right now. Cloud groaned, seeing that another person was on the bandwagon.
"Where did I leave my Buster Sword...?" Cloud had his eyes set on destroying the teleportation device, but by the time he would find it, Mega Man would have already brought Denzel to the mansion.
Mario: Never in my wildest-a dreams did I imagine that I would learn-a how to be a better dad from Cloud. I guess this will be his way of paying me back after I had taught-a him how to be a great man of the mansion. *pauses* Taught him in spirit.
"Ooh! What's happening in here?" asked Aerith - the last person that Cloud wanted to see - as she and Tifa went inside the teleportation room. "Are we bringing another one of Master Hand's 'friends'?"
"Ever better - we're about to see..." Cappy was about to spill the beans to Aerith and Tifa, only for Cloud to grab the talking hat and toss him away. Both Aerith and Tifa gasped, as Cloud threw Cappy against the wall.
"He was about to spoil the surprise, I had to do it," Cloud explained his actions, as Mega Man powered on the teleportation device. Denzel was on his way, much to Denzel's chagrin. "Crap..."
"Here he comes!" announced Mega Man, taking a step back as he allowed the teleportation device to do its thing. Everyone watched with bated breath, although Cloud in particular was wishing that he could disappear.
Once the teleportation device was done, there was a boy standing on the teleportation pad. He was an unfamiliar face to everyone he saw before him, except for a few individuals in particular.
"...Denzel?" Tifa uttered the boy's name, as her voice was full of amazement and surprise. Denzel, who was at first confused when stepping into his new surroundings, was startled upon seeing Cloud and Tifa.
"Cloud? Tifa?" Denzel spoke, having been reunited with the two people that he looked up to the most. It was almost like a happy family reunion of sorts.
"Um...hi, Denzel," Cloud awkwardly greeted Denzel, only being able to enjoy the moment more if not for Mario and the others' interference. A part of him wished that the teleportation device had malfunctioned, but the chances of that were slim.
"Why are y'all standing around?" Barret asked Cloud and Tifa, as he grabbed the two and pushed them towards Denzel. "Embrace the boy!" Cloud and Tifa were now standing close to Denzel, left with no choice but to embrace him as Barret had commanded.
"Hey there, Denzel," Tifa smiled at Denzel, who caught the martial artist and Cloud by surprise when he wrapped his arms around them for a hug. It was a very heartfelt hug, at that.
"I missed you guys so much..." Denzel said to Cloud and Tifa, a tear running down his face. In case it wasn't super obvious, Denzel had missed Cloud and Aerith A LOT.
"How sweet," smiled Peach, standing next to Mario as she was almost getting emotional herself. Bowser passed by the teleportation room when he took a peek inside, seeing Cloud and Tifa being hugged by Denzel.
"Move along, Bowser - nothing to see here," Bowser said to himself in a very reassuring manner, assuming (and hoping) that Denzel was just a huge fan who wanted to meet Cloud and Tifa in person.
Bowser: So who was that kid anyway?...That was a kid Cloud used to watch over?! This is too much, too many guys are coming after my "best dad ever" crown. Junior better prove himself to be an expert hugger by month's end, or I'm gonna put him on the market sooner than the Koopalings!
"I see...wrap the arm-a around the waist," Mario observed Cloud, nodding his head in thought as Cloud wrapped an embracing arm around Denzel. "Very nice form, I'll admit."
"Why are you analyzing the man like that?" Barret asked Mario with a smirk, giving the plumber a playful nudge that almost knocked him off his feet. "Wanna admit that you're not a good hugger?"
"Like you have any room-a to talk. What's your daughter up-a to?" Mario had Barret scared straight, as Barret's eyes immediately went wide with fear. It was that fatherly fear that overwhelmed Barret.
xxxxx
"I just wanted to learn-a from you...by seeing you in action," admitted Mario, sounding apologetic in his tone. Cloud tried to see it from Mario's perspective, although it was hard for him.
"Is that why you wanted me to be at Pac-Man's new arcade?" asked Cloud, in disbelief of how desperate Mario had become. "How about we make a deal..."
"What kind of deal?" Mario perked up, as Cloud knelt down a bit so that he could speak to Mario man-to-man. "You coming or what?"
"Next week, Barret and I will show you how a real father acts. And we're doing this on my time. And maybe Barret's time, I guess. Got it?"
"I can work-a with those terms. You got yourself a deal." Mario was destined to be a great dad with Barret and, surprisingly, Cloud, showing him the ways. "You still coming to the arcade?"
"Denzel?" Cloud looked towards Denzel, letting the boy have the final say. Cloud was partially wishing that Denzel would answer no, but fate was only in Denzel's hands.
"After we play that ninja turtle game, we can check out the other arcade," replied Denzel, as Mario's dream of having Cloud and Denzel at Pac-Man's arcade was now finally a reality. "And you'll be Player Two, Cloud."
"Then so be it..." Cloud stood back up, as Denzel went to go see if the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle arcade game was available. "...word of the wise, Mario: sometimes you're better off letting your kid decide what they want."
"Even if your daughter wants-a to play pretend princess parties with you?" asked Mario, as Cloud lightly smirked; Mario could see a bunch of princess parties with Jennifer in his future.
xxxxx
Mario accompanied Cloud and Denzel to the gardens, where he expected Cloud to do some super awesome father things. In actuality, though, Cloud brought Denzel to the gardens just so he could hang out with Marlene.
"So when does the fun-a stuff begin?" Mario asked Cloud, eagerly waiting to see a side of Cloud that nobody had ever seen before. Why does the plumber expect so much from Cloud?
"What fun stuff? Denzel asked me if we could go to the gardens," replied Cloud, chilling as he watched Denzel and Marlene chatting among themselves and just enjoying each other's company.
"You let Denzel boss-a you around?" Mario looked at Cloud in awe, as Denzel and Marlene stopped their conversation and came over to speak with Cloud.
"Cloud, you wanna help us plant a couple of flowers?" Denzel asked the swordsman, who looked up ahead and saw a bunch of flower pots lying about. "If you don't mind."
"Aerith would do it, but she's busy giving Piranha Plant and Petey Piranha their 'lunch,'" stated Marlene, as she looked back and saw Aerith feeding the Piranha Plant and Petey Piranha plant fertilizer.
"They're apparently too lazy to feed themselves," Aerith said to Cloud, as Petey Piranha was lying on his back with Aerith pouring fertilizer into his mouth. Petey was enjoying every second of it.
Petey Piranha: *belches, smiles as he pats his stomach*
Ryu: *walks past Petey, only to stop and sniff the air* Is that...plant breath?
"Sure, let's get started," Cloud said to Denzel and Marlene as he followed the two kids to the flower pots. Mario followed after Cloud, still in awe.
"Wow, Cloud, I'm surprised!" Mario said to the swordsman, who got down on one knee as he grabbed a small shovel and started digging. "Any other time-a you would've said no."
"Word of the wise, Mario...sometimes you gotta do what your kid wants to do. Listen first, talk second. It's all about making sacrifices."
"Do as they say, and also as they do. Think-a I got it now. Seems easier said-a than done."
"Way to miss the point, but yeah, that's what it's all about. Gotta do stuff even if you don't feel like it."
xxxxx
"Knuckles, why do we have to wear matching uniforms?" Sora asked the echidna, after seeing that Waluigi and his team were in their usual wear. "And why are our uniforms black?"
"Because the color black makes us look hard," Knuckles replied confidently, as Vault Boy held his hand over his mouth so that he could laugh. "Stop laughing, Vault Boy, you know it's true!"
"You're gonna do great out there, Denzel!" Mario cheered the boy on, before nudging Cloud as he wanted the swordsman to offer words of encouragement. "C'mon Cloud, say something."
"Yeah, what Mario said, you're gonna do great," Cloud called out to Denzel, as King K. Rool overheard the swordsman and scoffed at him.
"Quit overhyping Denzel, Cloud, the game hasn't started yet!" K. Rool called out the swordsman, while Mario was let off the hook. "I know that he's your kid and all, but relax."
"I disagree...let Cloud hype Denzel as he pleases," said a certain one-winged angel, as Sephiroth was in attendance for the soccer game. He was smiling at Cloud, who furrowed his brow.
Cloud: Got an award simply for being the "best dad". By that logic, every good father on this planet should get an award and every good mother. But the funny thing is, I feel like Cranky Kong somehow willed my return to the mansion last week just to hand me this trophy. But, a trophy is a trophy, so I won't complain for Aerith's sake and humbly accept this award. Now if you excuse me, I'm gonna play some card games with Denzel...totally gonna break his heart when I send him back to Edge after New Year's Day.
Cranky Kong: Our last award of the day goes out to the angriest person this year - the aptly named Vexed Award! The recipient of this award happens to stay at the All-Star Manor in New York, and he goes by Kratos. Truth be told, not a single person came in second! Let's relive Kratos' angriest moments of the year...and let's also be grateful that nobody ever died in his wake.
Zelda: Took a brief look around the manor, and ran into some of the folks here. It's really assuring to know that there's no more bad blood between us. The manor residents have no ill will towards me and Link. *pauses* Except Kratos. There is no getting through to him.
"Anyone care for some soda?" Isabelle asked Mario and company as she came from the dining room holding two liters of soft drinks in her hands. "They said we can have the soda from the..."
"MARIO!" boomed Kratos as he showed up in the living room, nearly kicking Isabelle out of his way. The demigod was seething when he saw Mario and Sonic sitting together. "You and Sonic will DIE!"
"That's-a cool," responded Mario, he and Sonic unbothered by the threat from Kratos...and that only ticked Kratos off. It unnerved Kratos when anyone shrugged off the possibility of dying.
"Enjoy your last time breathing!" Kratos was about to let Mario and Sonic have it, as he held up his Leviathan Axe. Then seconds later, he felt nothing but air, as Sweet Tooth snatched the weapon out of his hands.
"It's your turn to wash the dishes," Sweet Tooth said to Kratos, who was in disbelief that a demigod like him had to do lousy house chores. It was a way to make him mortal. "Get to it. Chop, chop."
"Curse you, dishes! Why didn't we use paper plates instead?" Kratos chose not to make a scene, as he went to the kitchen in an extremely bitter mood.
xxxxx
Taking up on Nathan Drake's advice, Tifa decided to get over herself and speak with Aerith. She would find the flower girl in the ballroom at another one of Bowser's campfire sessions, telling the others about her time in Arcadia Bay. Ratchet, Clank, Nathan, and Kratos were also there.
"Then Cloud slapped Big in the face and told him to get lost," Aerith told this story to Bowser and the others, generally pleased to know that Cloud wouldn't be inclined to slap Big anymore. "Very rude of him."
"You kidding me? That's super on-brand for Cloud," remarked Bowser, who wanted to pay good money to see Cloud slap Big the Cat. He'd slap Big himself for a million dollars worth.
"He slapped Big in a school bus?" Kamui recounted Aerith's story, in her opinion believing that Cloud slapping someone was out of character for him. "In front of little kids?"
"I have a better question - how did he expect Big to get lost if he's the bus driver?" questioned Clank, his mind dwelling too much on the logistics of the situation in the school bus.
"This isn't the time for logic!" shouted Zeke, making everyone fear for the worst as he grabbed a guitar that was presumably Dunban's. "We are here to have fun. Isn't that right, Santa Claus?"
"I AM NOT SANTA CLAUS!" boomed Kratos, counting down the minutes and hours until he could take off the Santa hat. Zeke presented him with the guitar, and the demigod frowned. "I'm not singing either."
"But you have to, you're Santa Claus!" Zeke's insistence on Kratos being Santa made the demigod angry, as Kratos took the guitar and stood up. Kratos was about to bash Zeke's head in with the guitar.
xxxxx
News about Kratos, Sly Cooper, and Spike being at the mansion proliferated around the mansion, as their presence was obviously big news. Link and Zelda were told in advance that three All-Stars from the manor were visiting today, and Isabelle was taking the Hylians to them.
"They should be in the foyer as I speak," Isabelle said to Link and Zelda as she escorted the couple to the foyer, moving through the hallway as if her life depended on it. "Mr. You-Know-Who is being placated."
"Placated by who?" Link asked Isabelle, as he and Zelda followed the Shih Tzu down the stairs. Soon they arrived at the base of the stairs, where they saw Riku and Kairi gathered around.
"Ssh!" Kairi shushed Link and company after detecting their presence, before watching what was going down in the foyer. Kratos, Sly, and Spike were in the foyer, as Isabelle said...and Sora of all people was trying to soothe Kratos.
"Unlike you, Kratos, I fight for my friends," Sora said to Kratos as if his pep talk was supposed to make the demigod smile or appreciate Sora's values in life. "You would know if you stopped being so angry. There's more to life than constant anger."
"Your spiky hair insults me. You must die!" Kratos shouted at Sora as he whipped out his Leviathan Axe, while Sora took out his Keyblade. Sora blocked the Leviathan Axe with his Keyblade, not giving Kratos an inch.
"That was the lamest Talk no Jutsu attempt I've ever seen," Sly said to Spike, unsure of what Sora was even trying to do. Or why he was trying to begin with.
"Least I'm not the only person to get a death warrant for having spiky hair," Spike smirked as he watched Kratos forcing his strength upon Sora. It pleased him to see a fellow spiky hair dude on the receiving end of Kratos' wrath.
"It was nice knowing you Sora!" Riku called out to the Keyblade wielder, preferring to see Sora be killed by Kratos from afar as opposed to up close. Kairi was disappointed by Riku, as she nudged the silverette.
"That's your best friend you're talking to..." Kairi whispered to Riku, who simply shrugged as he didn't know what else he could do. Aside from jumping in and potentially getting himself killed. But soon cooler heads would prevail, as Link and Zelda appeared in the foyer.
"Kratos...stop," Zelda commanded Kratos, commanding the attention of the demigod. Kratos exerted his might on Sora for a few more seconds, before finally giving up on the effort.
"You got off lucky..." Kratos said to Sora, who nodded in agreement and put his Keyblade away as he retreated to Riku and Kairi. Kratos put his own weapon away, hoping to use it another time during his visit.
"I'm surprised that worked!" Zelda said to Link, amazed that her command was effective on Kratos. The princess thought highly of herself, as Master Hand appeared in the foyer.
"Knew that I heard somebody looking to commit a murder," Master Hand remarked when he saw Kratos, along with Sly and Spike. Kratos had to be on his best behavior now. "Hello, Kratos and friends!"
Cranky Kong: This just in, folks - sadly, I've been told that Kratos did not accept his trophy. He chucked his trophy at someone's head and almost gave them a head injury. The award should be rescinded for his actions, but since that's in Kratos' nature, we'll let it slide...
...and that's a wrap! Thank you all for tuning in this year to the 2022 Cranky Awards. Will there be a 2023 edition? That depends on if the author takes another holiday break or not. I personally hope he does - I'd hate for this show to be a one-and-done shindig. But that's something to worry about for another time. Cranky Kong, signing out! Good night, and happy new year!