Author's Note:
Alright, everyone, this is it! The moment you've all been waiting for...the Tales of Symphonia chapter!
...well, I would've done a Tales of Symphonia chapter. As I've stated in the previous author's note (the note that was replaced by this chapter), I was sick with the flu. Therefore, I was unable to write chapter 374 and had to publish it the next week. Since I was working in conjunction with chapter 375 - which may be published sometime Friday evening or night - any plans I had for a Tales of Symphonia chapter were sadly dashed. That meant any new Tales characters I planned to debut will have to debut later.
And so I leave you all with this chapter, which has a few subplots that were originally planned to be in the Tales of Symphonia chapter. Added in a few more subplots so that way this chapter can be considered "full". And by full, I mean being over 8,500+ words. First time I've written a chapter below 10,,000+ words since 2018, astonishingly enough. Hope you enjoy!
Episode 374: Quartet
Ashley: It is the middle ground between light and darkness - between man's grasp and his reach; between science and superstition; between the pit of his fears and the lifelight of his knowledge. This is the dimension of imagination. It is an area that might be called... *looks around * ...The Subspace Zone.
Skull Kid: So why are we doing this again?
Ashley: It's not my duty to answer your nonsensical questions. Just take out your flute already.
Skull Kid: *takes out flute as he plays the Twilight Zone theme song*
Mario, Spyro, and Hunter rarely shopped together, but the seldom times that they do was at the most unconventional shops in town. Such as when the trio went to a swap meet in the morning, which was just another word for flea market. Many shopkeepers were present, looking to sell their goods.
"Remember Hunter, you're still on-a punishment - can't buy anything," Mario reminded the cheetah, who wasn't allowed to purchase any items following that whole credit card fiasco. Hunter lowered his head in sadness, only for something to catch his eye.
"Look at all these priceless treasures! Bobbly heads!" exclaimed Hunter as he ran over to some bobbly heads on a shelf and flicked them. "They agree with everything I say."
"Professor glasses! They make me look like a genius!" exclaimed Spyro as he put on some thick-rimmed glasses, only to turn around and crash into the glasses rack. Spyro wasn't feeling like a genius then.
"Look at these faux-gold beauties! They're mob-a boss quality!" exclaimed Mario as he was ogling at some watches, before seeing a witch running the front counter and turning to Spyro and Hunter. "Okay, guys. Prepare to watch the delicate-a art of the deal. Hey, lady! How much for the junk-a watches?
"They are not for sale!" the witch replied, keeping some of the watches out of Mario's grasp. "NOT FOR YOU, MARIO! THE WIND WHISPERS YOUR NAME!"
"Shush, you guys!" a shopkeeper selling chimes said to the chimes that were ringing above him, as the winds were apparently howling.
"Alright, I get it, you're creepy," Mario responded to the witch, before putting down money on the counter and taking a watch. "Anyway, less-a talky, more watchy."
"GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY WATCH!" the witch screeched as she took a hold of Mario's arm. Mario tried to pull his arm away.
"Aaah!" Mario successfully pulled his arm out of the witch's grasp before he, Spyro, and Hunter walked away. "YEESH! Freak show!"
"Wow. Someone needs to work on their social skills," remarked Hunter as he looked back at the witch, who was giving Mario a wicked deathly glare.
"And their observation skills. BOOM!" Mario held up his hand, showing Spyro and Hunter his wrist - which had the watch on it. "Good-a job, heisting hands."
"Mario, are you seriously shoplifting from a witch?" Spyro asked the plumber, who kissed both his hands for a job well done. "That sounded like a curse."
"That sounded like a curse!" After mocking Spyro sarcastically, Mario pointed at the purple dragon and yelled at everyone, "Hey, anyone want to buy a wet-a blanket? We got a wet-a blanket for sale!" Everyone save for Spyro laughed.
Wet Blanket Shop Owner: *sighs* I can't survive in this market...
Mario wasn't the only known person to visit the swap meet, for Sonic often went to the flea market to buy a trinket or two. The blue hedgehog was in his room, checking out his newest trinket - the legendary "What-the-heck-dihedron".
"The 'What-the-heck-dihedron''" Sonic read the box of his newest toy, while Tails was sitting on his bed noodling on his laptop. '"Solve this puzzle and your photo could get on this box.'" Sonic turned the box around to show a picture of a boy holding up the puzzle and getting kissed by a girl in a swimsuit. "Woah! That's false advertising I can get behind.
So Sonic took the puzzle out of the box and turns it around. The puzzle beeped, and Sonic turned it some more. The puzzle beeped a third time, and Sonic grunted in frustration as he was unable to solve it.
"Crunch was right, Weird Al Yankovic's songs do sound better remastered!" exclaimed Tails, who was downloading some tunes on his laptop. Sonic partially blamed the yellow fox for distracting him.
"Tails, could you knock it off?" Sonic shouted at the yellow fox, who sensed his friend's anger as he turned down his music. But only a few notches. "I'm trying to solve this intelligence puzzle but it seems impossible."
"Maybe you're just not smart enough." Tails soon saw Sonic pull out a mushroom from his imaginary pocket, in response to his friend's claim. "What's that?"
"Oh, I dunno, just a mushroom that I got from Toad." Sonic held up the mushroom in question, which came inside a Ziploc bag that had instructions on it written in marker. "Totally gonna turn the tables."
Sonic: I've asked Toad for shrooms before. They're totally harmless. One shroom made me high as a kite - when I woke up from my nap outside, I was flying among the clouds! Wished that Tails was there to see it.
"'Percepshroom: to increase brainpower, grind it up and apply to forehead. Wait twenty minutes,'" Sonic read the instructions on the bag, before doing as the instructions said. The blue hedgehog then pointed at the What-the-heck-dihedron. "In twenty minutes, I own you!"
"We'll see about that," remarked a doubting Tails, as a confident Sonic strutted out of the bedroom. Tails went back to downloading songs, playing Weird Al to his heart's content.
Soon Jigglypuff wandered inside, unbeknownst to Tails, and hopped on Sonic's bed. Out of curiosity, Jigglypuff took the Percepshroom out of the bag and ate it - all of it. Then she saw the What-the-heck-dihedron that was also on the bed.
As a money-grubbing merchant, Anna wasn't above doing any little thing to get more moolah in her pockets. The merchant was willing to add a new attraction to her shop to attract customers, and she believed she scored the jackpot when she, Ryu, and Ken were in the woods.
"This attraction is gonna make me a fortune," remarked Anna, who watched with Ryu as Ken was wrangling with a wild grizzly bear. "Easy with that bear, Ken! I need him in showroom condition."
"No, no!" shouted Ken, as he wrestled the roaring bear to the ground. Considering that Heihachi owned a bear, perhaps he was a better option than Ken.
"Aw. They're hugging!" The bear and Ken were both on the ground, with the bear on top of Ken and overpowering the Street Fighter. Heihachi could really come in handy right now.
Heihachi: Anna wanted a bear for her shop? Then why didn't she ask me?! I could've given her Kuma, free as charged! Long as she pays me.
"So, let me get this straight," Ryu discussed with Anna, greatly curious about what the merchant was plotting in that head of hers. "Your plan is to teach a bear to ride a bicycle?"
"Everyone's seen a bicycle-riding bear," replied Anna, who had something bigger and better for the bear that Ken was struggling to catch. "I'm gonna teach this bear...to drive!"
Mario, Spyro, and Hunter had to hurry back home, as Mario remembered that he had to cook breakfast. The plumber, after taking a relatively short nap just to recharge his batteries, was in the bathroom.
"Hah! Curse? Yeah, right," snorted Mario as he looked at himself in the mirror, only to jump back after seeing his reflection. "AAH! Wait, is this curse-ugly or just normal ugly? Heh. It looks like I got off scot-a free." Mario then held up his arms...only to realize that his hands were gone! At least the watch remained intact.
Cappy: It's official - Mario's cursed. Tried telling him on the way back home, but he kept laughing at me. Who's laughing now?
Mario couldn't let anyone see him without his hands, so he disguised the evidence by placing oven mitts over where his hands would be. Cooking breakfast without any hands was a struggle, but Mario somehow made it work.
"Alright peeps, breakfast time!" announced Mario as he entered the dining room, holding a pan with bacon on it. "Prepare your mouths for..." The pan dropped to the floor and the mitts slipped off, revealing Mario's lack of hands.
"NO HANDS!" Peach screamed in absolute terror, while her kids Jennifer and Lou were both crying at the frightening sight. Spyro looked on in disappointment. "Mario, what happened to your hands?"
"So I might have-a got cursed a little. But the watch looks nice, right?" Mario showed off his watch to everyone, as the witch from earlier appeared on the watch's frame.
"Foolish man! Thieving hands find wicked face!" the witch frowned at Mario, who picked up one of the oven mitts that fell on the floor with his mouth. "You must return what isn't yours..." Mario placed the mitt back on his wrist.
"That's-a better." Just like that, the witch's speech was muffled. Peach, unable to process everything, fainted and fell out of her chair.
"I told you, Mario, you gotta give that watch back and apologize," Spyro stressed to the plumber, while Hunter got down to the floor and performed his own version of CPR on Peach.
"What? That old crone should apologize-a to me for denying my right to buy cheap junk. I don't need-a hands. I've got self-respect!" Mario tried to pick up his coffee cup but dropped it. He slapped a fork, which flung bacon at his face. "Cappy, will you make-a me some hands?"
The bear was driving in a car - a Toyota Lexus that Ryu and Ken usually practiced on. The vehicle was still in good enough condition to be driven, as the bear was driving in the car with Anna in the passenger seat. Ryu and Ken were in the backseat.
"And the yellow light means speed up," Anna instructed the bear, who was driving crazily down the road somehow narrowly missing a few cars. Police sirens were heard from afar, and the car came to a stop as a police sheriff came near. "What seems to be the problem, officer?"
"There better be a darn good explanation for this," the police sheriff said sternly to Anna, hoping that the merchant had a suitable story for what a bear was driving on the road.
"Oh, there is. You see, I have very poor eyesight. And the doctors assigned me a seeing eye bear to drive me to the hospital in case of an emergency."
"Is that right? Then, where is your doctor's note?" Since she didn't have one, Anna quickly wrote a doctor's note on her thigh.
"Why, it's right here, inside my pocket. There you go!" Anna handed the police sheriff her doctor's note, which said the following:
Anna is sick and needs a bear.
- Dr. Medicine
"Well, I can't argue with Dr. Medicine," the police sheriff happily remarked, taking the doctor's note as gospel as he stuffed it in his pocket.
"To the hospital, honeypants!" Anna said to the bear, who roared as he drove off to the hospital. Might even send some unsuspecting drivers to the hospital along the way.
Cafe Leblanc had just opened today, and the baristas were waiting for the cafe to fill up before they started serving customers. While Joker resorted to noodling on his phone, the other baristas (sans Pit) played a game of Spin the Pig in the middle of the cafe with a Minecraft pig.
"Spin the Pig! Spin the Pig!" Viridi and Kirby chanted, as Incineroar spun the Minecraft pig on the floor until it stopped. The pig pointed at the exceptional everyman Larry, who was reading a newspaper with a coffee mug in hand.
"Hey! Larry, ever kissed a pig before?" Viridi asked the gym leader, who looked up from his newspaper deeply offended that Viridi would even dare to ask him such a question.
"I'm not gonna answer that question," replied Larry, before holding his newspaper over his face to let everyone in the cafe know that he didn't want to be bothered.
Larry: Did have to kiss a pig once; it was part of a dare at a party held at La Primera's house. I had to kiss a male Oinkologne on its cheek and I caught its scent. The next day, all the female Oinkologne in Paldea were following after me. Tulip truly owes me one.
"Guys! I think I just got bit by a Zubat!" alerted Pit as he ran inside the cafe to show the bite on his arm, while Larry did something that was completely out of character and laughed. "I need you to get me to a hospital quick...what? What's so funny?"
"Sorry - it's just hard to focus on what you're saying with that squeaky puberty voice you got there," replied Larry, ending his laughing fit as soon as possible so that he could reassume his usual dour visage. He didn't want to destroy any narratives about him.
"It's nothing to be ashamed of, Pit," Viridi assured the angel, who was looking self-conscious; no one has ever really made fun of his voice before. "Your voice is...hilarious."
"Are you saying my voice cracks?" asked a defensive Pit, whose squeaky voice was making several cafe patrons laugh with how much it was raised. "My voice doesn't crack!"
"No offense, but it cracks so much we've already made a techno remix out of it," stated Joker, showing the evidence as he took out a tape. The young man played a tape as techno music began playing.
"Nice to meet you! My name's Pit, P-P-Pit, Pit, Pit. Nice to meet you P-P-Pit, Pit, Pit." Pit's voice played from the tape, and Joker turned up the volume so that everyone could hear. Savage Joker.
"Do I really sound like that?" Pit blushed, never imagining that his voice was that squeaky. He blamed a part of it on his usual happy-go-lucky nature.
"Oh, here comes my favorite part!" exclaimed Kirby, as everyone braced themselves for the highlight of the techno remix. Pit was fearing for the worst.
"Stop it, guys!" That voice crack from the remix was so bonkers, that it made everyone in the cafe laugh. Pit was super embarrassed by this point.
"Give me that!" frowned Pit as he grabbed the tape from Joker, before storming out of the cafe in a bitter mood. Would anyone hold sympathy for Pit, or come to the angel's aid?
"Spin the Pig! Spin the pig!" chanted Viridi and Kirby, as they and Incineroar casually returned to playing their game. Joker continued to noodle around on his phone.
Tails was all done with his downloads, despite missing breakfast, so he went to the gaming room to hang out with the Crash clan. Sonic would enter the gaming room, full of confidence with his hands on his hips.
"Haha! I feel smarter already!" boasted Sonic, feeling like Albert Einstein and Thomas Edison combined. Now was his big moment to flex on everyone with his newfound intelligence. The digits of pi are three point one...uh..."
"Four, one, five, nine, two, six, et cetera," someone answered, although it came from a robot. But not one that was of Mega Man's ilk.
"What? Who said that? R.O.B.?" Sonic looked around the gaming room, and the only robot he saw was R.O.B.. But the robotic voice was a female one...
"Guys, look!" shouted Coco as she pointed at the gaming room entrance, bringing everyone's attention to Jigglypuff. Jigglypuff drove into the gaming room on a board tied to a monster truck.
"Greetings, friends, it is I - Jigglypuff, the balloon Pokemon," Jigglypuff spoke, speaking through a voice device as she typed her speech on a keyboard. Everyone murmured among themselves about Jigglypuff.
"Jigglypuff? What happened to you?" Crunch questioned the balloon Pokemon, who drove closer to the bandicoot and company. "Have you been possessed by the spirit of a nerd?!"
"I understand that my transformation may be vexing, but I have prepared a presentation..." Jigglypuff bumped into a stool, knocking it over by accident. "...forgive me. My short arms are cute and useless."
"The brain goop!" exclaimed Sonic, the only person around who knew how Jigglypuff became so smart all of a sudden. "You ate it and built your mode of transportation, didn't you?"
"This isn't right! This is what a Jigglypuff is supposed to sound like..." shouted Red the Pokemon Trainer as he ran over to Jigglypuff while holding a Jigglypuff doll. He squeezed the toy hard, making a classic Jigglypuff sound.
Red the Pokemon Trainer: *holds up Jigglypuff doll* This doll was worth less than ninety-nine cents at the dollar store. These probably sell for a fortune overseas due to high demand, so...good deal.
"Now the Jigglypuff goes wherever she can shine the light of knowledge into the darkness of ignorance," stated Jigglypuff, before taking out the What-the-heck-dihedron and placing it on the floor. Sonic took a closer look at the What-the-heck-dihedron and gasped.
"Woah! What-the-heck-dihedron!" marveled Sonic, who was amazed at the fact that the What-the-heck-dihedron was solved. "How did you do that?"
"I can teach you, Sonic. I can teach you many things. From the secrets of astrophysics to the..." Jigglypuff stopped speaking, as she noticed the Duck Hunt Dog trying to pee on her makeshift cart. "Hey! HEY!"
"Man, I am loving this new Jigglypuff." Sonic was easily a fan of the new Jigglypuff, who was hilariously trying to shoo the Duck Hunt Dog away with her stubby little hand.
"Yeah! She's uh. He's definitely, uh, different," remarked Coco, unsure of how she should feel about Jigglypuff's intelligence. Jigglypuff fired styrofoam rockets at the Duck Hunt Dog, sending him running.
"Dude, that rocket cart is amazing. You and I should go invent stuff! You got a gift, and you need to share it with the world!"
"I've come to realize that there is more to life than making fart noises, and laughing at those fart noises," Jigglypuff said profoundly, as she and Sonic left the gaming room together. "I see that now." As Sonic and Jigglypuff left, Wario made a frown.
"That had better not have been a dig against me..." the fatso frowned, cracking his knuckles and thinking that Jigglypuff deserved a knuckle sandwich later.
Anna couldn't use her "bear driving a Toyota" attraction for her shop yet; she had to wait until the bear was fully tamed just to avoid a potential lawsuit. An angry customer was any merchant's worst nightmare. For now, Anna was focused on a different attraction - painting rocks and passing them off as real authentic gold.
"Anna, how could you lie to that policeman?" Zelda asked Anna, who had told Zelda the story of how she duped that police sheriff earlier. "Don't you know lying is always wrong?"
"Zelda, when you're a shrewd businessperson like me, you'd have to learn that you sometimes have to bend the truth for the greater good," replied Anna, who after she was done painting the rocks at the shop ate from a plate of hash browns. All that painting almost made her hungry.
"Hey, have any of you seen my plate of hash browns?" asked Falco as he appeared outside, looking for his plate of hash browns - which Anna hid behind her while turning to Falco. "Saved it for after breakfast."
"No...but I bet Peppy has. You know how he likes to eat."
"This is a dark day...thanks, Anna." Falco ran off, looking to teach his fellow Star Fox crew member a lesson.
"See? Greater good," Anna said to Zelda as she revealed the hash browns, prompting Zelda to groan and walk off.
Cappy came through for Mario, as he crafted some hands for the plumber. All Cappy had to do was gathered some plastic cups and tapped forks to them. Mario sat outside on the porch as Cappy gave him his makeshift hands.
"Hands makeover!" cheered Cappy, who sprinkled a small dab of glitter to complete the look. "Say hello to your new hands! In quotes."
"Nice-a work!" Mario commended Cappy, patting the talking hat on the head with his new hand. "See, hands-a are overrated. I'm ready to take-a on the day." Seeing Caeda walk by, Mario waved to the queen causing her to scream and run off.
Caeda: Mario's new gloves scare me...What do you mean, those weren't gloves?
Zelda was sitting alone in the living room, thinking about Anna and her bad behavior. She knew for a fact that Anna's lying ways would eventually get her in trouble - really big trouble.
"What am I gonna do about Anna?" pondered Anna as she sat on the living room couch, lost in thought. Her thinking was momentarily when she felt someone tap on her shoulder, as she looked over and saw Ashley sitting next to her.
"Greetings, Miss Gainsborough," Ashley greeted Zelda, who was so spooked by the young witch's sudden appearance that she almost had a heart attack. "Been hearing that Anna won't stop with her lying ways. I have just the solution..."
Ashley: So I may not be down with making potions for others anymore, but I can still offer some of my other goods. It's not much, but it's honest work. And a little honesty is what Anna will need.
Pit went to Omnis Adest, strolling down the sidewalk to take his mind off of things. The angel let out a sigh as he kicked a can out of his way.
"Even my sigh sounds weird," remarked Pit, increasingly becoming more aware of how his voice sounded. Was there any way to possibly fix it?
"Hello there!" greeted Cranky Kong as he popped out of a hole in the fence, causing Pit to scream and jump back. "I couldn't help but overhear your situation. Cranky Kong, part-time inventor!" Cranky spat on his hand, before offering it to Pit for a handshake.
"Why did you spit on your hand?"
"I don't rightly know."
"Also, haven't we already met before?"
"Come here! Follow me into this dark and dangerous alley." Cranky pulled Pit into a dark and dangerous alley, before pouring a potion into a cup. "Lately, I've been tinkering with a voice-altering tonic. On account of my HORRIFYING VOICE!"
"Waaaaah!" a little kid was heard crying over the fence, before running away; Cranky seemed to recognize this child as he shook his fist.
"You can run, but I'll still be in your nightmares!"
Cranky Kong: Ashley's retired from the potion-making business, so I'm the one who comes through with the potions. Why the author selected me, of all people, I don't know.
"This will really fix my voice? Thanks!" Pit thanked Cranky, before drinking the potion in its entirety and leaving. The angel had a lot of trust in Cranky to solve his problems.
"In less than an hour or so, you'll sound like a new man..." Cranky guaranteed to Pit, before furrowing his brow as if he had some vital info that he couldn't disclose in person. "...if you survive."
Anna had dozed while running her shop, sleeping as he head was resting on the shop stand. It was the perfect window of opportunity for Zelda and Anna, who tiptoed over to Anna and saw her asleep.
"Put this in her mouth," Ashley whispered to Zelda, who handed the princess a golden grill. Zelda opened anna's mouth and applied the grill, pleasantly surprised by how easy the process was
"What? What's going on?" Anna woke up - right when Zelda was done applying the grill to the merchant. Anna in her sleepy stupor saw Zelda and Anna standing together at her shop. "Huh? Zelda?"
"Quick question: what happened to Leon's spaghetti plate?" Zelda asked Anna with a smile on her face, and her hands held behind her back for good measure.
"I ate it because I have little to no concern about other people's possessions or emotions." Anna suddenly paused, realizing what she said. "That was strangely candid. Almost as if I am unable to lie. Well, good night." Anna fell back asleep, as Zelda (quietly) shared a high-five with Anna.
Cream the Rabbit was having fun outside at Omnis Adest, flying her kite near some trees. As she flew her kite, disaster unfortunately struck.
"Oh, my kite got stuck in a tree!" wailed Cream, breaking down into tears as she cried her eyes out. Sonic and Jiggllypuff came over and saw Cream in her moment of despair.
"I bet we could be of service," Sonic offered to Cream, who stopped crying and looked up at the blue hedgehog. Cream then saw Jigglypuff and screamed.
"Jigglypuff riding a rocket cart?! It's an affront against nature! And it sounds...so wrong..."
"Ha! Forget kites!" snorted Jigglypuff, before handing Cream a rocket pack that she was (hopefully) a responsible enough age at to use. "Here, take this rocket pack I invented and explore the heavens yourself."
"Forget that! I'm gonna look at the stars through skylights." Cream accepted the rocket pack from Jigglypuff, before putting it on. The rabbit then pressed a button as she flew up into the sky "Cream, flying away!"
Ignatz: I literally just saw a rabbit flying up in the sky. I don't mean to sound like a doomer, but I think that the end times are near...
"Dude, that rocket pack we made is amazing," Sonic said to Jigglypuff, watching with joy as Cream flew around on her new rocket pack. Hopefully, Cream will remember to refuel it.
"Don't forget the laser gun I made for Amy," responded Jigglypuff; the idea of a gal like Amy wielding a laser gun sounded more demented than it seemed.
"Death to my enemies!" Amy shouted from afar, followed by the sound of some losers and a few folks screaming their heads off. Sonic and Jigglypuff shared a laugh together.
Mario didn't let his new hands hinder him, as he and Peach were at the grocery store doing a bit of shopping. Mario was pushing on a shopping cart when a store employee appeared out of the break room.
"Hey, Mario, should we play 'toss me a dozen eggs' like we always do?" the store employee asked Mario, as he had a carton of eggs ready to go. His boss must not be that enthused with such a silly game.
"No, Jimmy, wait, not-a today!" replied Mario, but that didn't stop Jimmy from throwing eggs at the plumber nonstop. "NOT TODAY!" Eggs pelted Mario and he eventually fell down to the floor, as Peach came over to him. "Let's find-a that witch..."
Zelda was proud of what she did - so proud, that she went to go tell Cloud about it in the kitchen after she told Link. Cloud didn't believe her.
"You what? That seems like a horrible idea," Cloud said to Zelda, not imagining that his girlfriend could be that sneaky. Zelda's mischievous moments were few and far in between.
"It's great! Now she has to tell the truth," responded Zelda, as Anna entered the kitchen to grab a snack. Even after eating Leon's spaghetti, Anna was still hungry (and greedy).
"Anna, what do you do in secret every day during your lunch break?" Cloud still refused to believe Zelda, so he asked Anna this question just to see if his girlfriend was lying her tail off.
"Usually, I spend the hour aggressively scratching myself in places I shouldn't mention," Anna casually replied, as she grabbed a banana and unpeeled it before leaving the kitchen. "Now I'm going to avoid making eye contact by pretending to read this newspaper and going to the bathroom without washing my hands."
"Well, that was disturbing..." Nonetheless, Cloud was convinced - Anna really couldn't lie anymore, all thanks to the golden grill.
"Don't worry, Cloud - the truth is always a good thing," assured Zelda, thinking that she potentially saved Anna from a day full of trouble. Time will tell...
Wanting the potion to work to its fullest potential, Pit returned to the mansion and took a nap in his room. The angel woke up less than an hour later, reenergized and feeling like a new man. With a new voice.
"I did it! I did it!" exclaimed Pit, whose new voice was very manly compared to his old one. "Now I have a new voice! Ha ha ha!" Pit saw Viridi leaving the bathroom, and went over to speak with the goddess. "Afternoon, Viridi. Who's my favorite Viridi?"
"Who are you?! What have you done with my beau?!" Viridi screamed, before grabbing a nearby broom that was lying against the wall and beating Pit on the head with it. "Pit! I'll save you from this body-switching warlock!"
"Ow! Viridi, it's me. This is my voice now. I sound awesome - soouund aaawesome."
"I know boys' voices change, but this is weird. Weird and bad."
"But Viridi, this is the best thing that has ever happened to me. And just think of the prank calls." Pit took out his phone and dialed a random number.
"Hello?" said the person over the phone - one of the Omnis Adest residents, Balrog. Hoo boy.
"Hello, this is the President of the United States of America. I am calling to tell you..." Pit made spitting noises into the phone, rightfully ticking off Balrog.
"What? Who is this?!" While it was no laughing matter to Balrog, it was definitely one to Pit who laughed his butt off before hanging up the phone.
"Viridi no like," remarked Viridi, easily not a fan of Pit's new voice - the voice simply didn't line up with her view of Pit one bit.
Anna was at her shop cleaning off her shop stand when a customer was drawing near. Ditching the cleaning cloth, Anna put up a friendly shopkeeper facade as the man approached the merchant with a t-shirt that he saw on display.
"Hey, excuse me - do you think this t-shirt is my size?" the man asked Anna as he held up the t-shirt, which was just a generic "Anna's Shop" t-shirt. The variety of apparel at the shop wasn't that great.
"Never mind the t-shirt!" replied Anna, before looking at the residents who were hanging outside and pointing at the man. "Hey everyone, look at this guy's abnormal and unattractive face!"
"I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry..." Lucina apologized to the now emotionally hurt man, leading him away from the shop while everyone was laughing at him.
Pit couldn't make a fan out of Viridi with his new voice, but he was sure that he could leave a lasting impression on the other baristas' socks. So the angel accompanied Viridi to Cafe Leblanc, ready to blow some folks away.
"How are you diddly-doing, Kirby?" Pit asked the pink puffball as he walked up to the counter, resting his elbow on the countertop. Kirby, who was operating the cafe in Joker's temporary absence, saw Pit speaking and instantly panicked.
"Kill it! Kill it with fire!" shouted Kirby as he grabbed a broom and struck Pit with it. "Everyone leave!" The patrons filed out of the cafe led to believe that Pit was possessed by a demonic spirit or something.
"What gives, man? You guys all made fun of my old voice. I thought you'd like the new one."
"Well, at least before you sounded like a real person. Now, you sound like some weird commercial dude."
"I'll find Master Hand. He'll like my new voice. You'll see. I'll be right back after these messages!...I mean...goodbye."
With business at the shop being slow, Anna decided to do her taxes. Fox came over and saw one of the papers sitting on the stand.
"Uh, Anna, why did you write this?" asked Fox as he picked up one of the papers, which had "I HAVE COMMITTED TAX FRAUD" written on it in red and in capital letters. Double whammy.
"Because I regularly commit massive tax fraud," Anna honestly admitted, as if she was proud of the very fact. Which..wouldn't be surprising.
"You might wanna...tuck that one away there." Fox took the paper with him to his house, looking to shred it with a paper shredder.
Anna: Sometimes, I think. Is life just some kind of horrific joke without a punch line? That we're all just biding our time until the sweet, sweet, release of death?
Mario, Peach, Spyro, and Hunter were hiking up a mountain, on their way to find the witch and get Mario's hands back. Cappy served as their guide, reading from a pamphlet that he acquired at the swap meet.
"According to the Swap Meet pamphlet, the Hand Witch lives in a horrible Hand Witch lair, on Hand Witch Mountain," read Cappy, reading about the lore of the Hand Witch and wondering why the Hand Witch had a mountain all for herself.
"Stop-a saying Hand Witch," Mario said to Cappy, as the plumber and company entered a cave. A hand tapped Hunter on his shoulder.
"Mario, did you just tap my shoulder?" asked Hunter, as the hand that tapped the cheetah crawled up the wall.
"Man, I can't tap-a anything." Soon a second hand appeared, and this one tapped Spyro's wings.
"Guys, can you stop tapping both my wings?" frowned Spyro, while Peach was shining her flashlight around the cave. Peach shone the light on the cave roof...
...revealing that it was covered in hands! Everyone screamed as the hands attacked them relentlessly.
"Hands! Lots of hands!" shrieked Peach, as Spyro knocked several hands away with the swipe of his tail before one grabbed his face. Hunter meanwhile played Rock Paper Scissors with two hands, and the hands won and chased after Hunter.
"Look at this... touching scene!" laughed the Hand Witch, who made her grand appearance as she watched all the chaos unfold. "Up top!" The old hag held up her hand as she gave the hand a high five. "You guys...you guys get me."
"Alright, you horrible wench, you got-a me," Mario admitted his fault to the Hand Witch, before shaking his watch off of his wrist. "Stealing is wrong, et cetera. Take it. Now can I have my hands-a back? I have a certain gesture I'd like-a to share with you."
"Alas, your hands cannot be gotten so easily. The spirits say...um...that the curse can only be broken, by a kiss..." Those were terms that Peach definitely not cool with, as the princess grimaced.
"It's alright, Peach. Just look away." Heaving a sigh, Mario got it over with as he took the Hand Witch's hand and kissed it.
"A KISS ON THE LIPS!" The Hand Witch wanted Mario to kiss her on the lips? While his wife was present?! She must be out of her mind!
"What? Forget it! I'm not kissing any of that mess! I don't need-a my hands that bad! You're just making stuff-a up now. Let's-a go, everyone."
"NO, WAIT DON'T GO! Ehh...you're right, you're right. i_I was just making all of that stuff up. I-I was just trying to get something going, you know? It's so hard to meet people these days..." (Snaps fingers and hands let kids go and braid Mabel's hair)
"So this was all just a ploy to get a date?" Spyro questioned the Hand Witch, who snapped her fingers and made the hands release their hold on Spyro, Hunter, and Peach. "You do realize that Mario is married, right?"
"I'M DESPERATE, OKAY?! But every time I bring someone back here without keeping their hands hostage, they just run away."
"Well, yeah, look at this horror show!" remarked Mario, finding it exceedingly hard not to throw shade at how grotesque the Hand Witch looked. "It's creepy even-a for a cave.
"You just need to redecorate! For example..." said Cappy, before grabbing a bunch of hands and putting them together to create some kind of hand creation. "...a Handalabra!"
"OOOH! The Hand Witch likes." The Hand Witch clapped in approval, as Cappy easily obtained a new fan. But Cappy was just getting started.
"Then watch me work. HOME MAKEOVER!" Cappy threw a bunch of hands up in the air, as he looked to totally renovate the Hand Witch's cave.
Pit was unable to locate Master Hand in his room, for Master Hand was nowhere to be found. So he returned to Omnis Adest looking for the giant hand.
"Master Hand! Master Hand! Where are you, Master Hand?" Pit called out to the giant hand, as he passed by an apartment. Balrog was outside, doing some shadowboxing with his hood over his head.
"Huh? I know that voice anywhere!" shouted Balrog, ending his shadowboxing as he recognized Pit. Pit was about to be in a world of hurt. "You're that guy that prank-called me earlier!"
"No, I'm not. It's me, Pit!"
"You expect me to believe that? You crazy-voiced punk!"
"Wait! No!" Pit screamed out of fear for his life and ran from Balrog, who went inside his apartment where many male Street Fighters were hanging out.
"There's a prank caller on the loose! Let's get him!" So Balrg led the male Street Fighters out of the apartment, having them running after Pit. Pit kept on running until he saw a hole in the fence.
"Escape!" Pit ran over to where Cranky Kong was, as Cranky was tinkering with his potion-making machine. "Cranky! Your invention was a catastrophe!"
"That's probably why I live in a dump!" Cranky proudly exclaimed, before doing an excited little jig that did very little in lifting Pit's spirits.
Cranky Kong: I don't actually live in a dump. This place is just my second home, away from all the weirdoes and freak shows. Won't list any names as of yet.
"My own girlfriend didn't recognize me; I scared away crowds," Pit explained his whole ordeal to Cranky, before sobbing as he wiped away tears from his eyes. "I even sound ridiculous when I cry!"
"Well, now, here's your problem," said Cranky, recognizing what the problem was as he took the potion vial from Pit. "I gave you the wrong drinking thingamajig. This one's for voice-over professionals. I'm sure I got a better voice in here somewhere."
"Good! Hurry up!" Pit watched as Cranky dug through his junk of stuff, wishing for the gorilla to pick up the pace. But soon Cranky came through.
"You got here just in time. Come sundown, you'd be back to your ridiculous old voice."
"It was ridiculous, wasn't it?" Pit took out the tape that he took from Joker, playing it one more time to hear how ridiculous his old voice sounded.
"P-P-Pit. That's me!" Pit's old voice played from the remix and just hearing it made Pit want to cringe.
"This remix is dedicated to my boyfriend." Viriid's voice was also heard from the remix - who knew that the remix came with guest accompaniment? "Pit, your voice is one of a kind.
"I've never heard anything like it." Kirby's voice was heard seconds later, followed by the sound of some explosion noises. "R-r-remix over!"
"Are you ready for your new voice?" Cranky asked Pit, before handing the angel a new potion. "This one should be permanent!" Pit looked back and forth between the potion and the tape, as he mulled over his big decision.
Sonic and Jigglypuff had yet to cease their momentum, for they were building bigger and better stuff. The duo returned to the mansion to work on their newest creation at the workshop.
"This is your greatest invention yet!" Sonic said to Jigglypuff, fastening a bolt on a big machine that nearly took up most of the space in the workshop. "Could solve every problem of mankind!"
"And bring me potatoes - delicious potatoes," added Jigglypuff, as the machine placed a potato in her mouth. Jigglypuff ate the potato, smiling. "Yummy yummy, for my fat little pink tummy.
"What the heck is going on here?" questioned Samus as she walked inside the workshop, wanting to work on something - but Sonic and Jigglypuff's presence made that hard to ask for.
"Samus, you are just in time to behold our greatest achievement. The 'Smarticle Accelerator,'" Jigglypuff explained to the bounty hunter, who was looking puzzled at the balloon Pokemon. It was Samus' first time beholding the new Jigglypuff.
Samus: When people were talking about Jigglypuff being smart, I just laughed it off. Anyone will say the darndest things at the mansion, like how Wario gave back to a few local charities. Somehow that was proven to be true.
"Solving that brain puzzle was just the tip of the iceberg," stated Sonic, bringing to Samus' mind the What-the-heck-dihedron that Sonic showed off to her. Indubitably, Samus didn't care. "With this, Jigglypuff will be able to solve all the greatest puzzles of the UNIVERSE."
"The origin of life. The meaning of existence. Why dudes have nipples," said Jigglypuff as she drove into the machine, before pressing a button that made the machine glow brightly.
"Soon, Jigglypuff is gonna be famous! Meeting with scientists, presidents...I wonder if I could teach her to wear pants.
"The whole world?" asked a disbelieving Samus, thinking of one Pokemon that had a strong claim of being the most famous Pokemon. "She can't be any more popular than Pikachu. Totally not a biased opinion..."
"I'm still your friend, Samus. I'll be everybody's friend. But I'm helping people now."
"But what about being the old you? Do you really want to spend your whole life in meetings with dumb corporate smart guys? This isn't the Jigglypuff that I know and love."
Very rarely, if ever, Samus used the word "love" when it came to her fellow Smashers - and it made Jigglypuff have an epiphany. Jigglypuff had a thousand-mile stare, as various memories were playing in her head.
"It all makes sense now," Jigglypuff remarked following her epiphany, as she reached for a lever that was within her reach. "What good is helping the world if I can't be my old self? It's a good thing I built in a dumb-dumb switch."
"Jigglypuff, Jigglypuff, don't! WAIT!" shouted Sonic, but it was too late - Jigglypuff pulled on the lever, making the machine go from "FWD" to "REV".
"I'm sorry, Jigglypuff. In my last eight seconds of consciousness I want you to know that science is a horizon to search for, not a prize to hold in your hand. Also, I miss getting my tummy tickled."
Once the Smarticle Accelerator was done operating, the machine powered off and fell down. Sonic and Samus both stared at Jigglypuff, waiting for a response from the balloon Pokemon.
"Jigglypuff, Jigglypuff!" Jigglypuff chirped, before spinning around and striking a pose. Samus was satisfied, while Sonic was in shambles.
"Great to have you back, Jigglypuff," smiled Samus, as Sonic fell down to his knees and crawled over to the Smarticle Acceleator that was no more.
Samus: I used the word love very liberally. No way am I gonna let some dumb balloon Pokemon grow smarter than me.
"No! Our invention!" wailed Sonic, whose day spent with Jigglypuff was all for naught now that the balloon Pokemon was back to her usual happy self.
"I know what'll make you feel better: a simple hug from a simple Pokemon," Samus offered to Sonic as she picked up Jigglypuff and cradled her in her arms. Sonic stared at Jigglypuff, before shaking his head.
"Yeah, I'd rather take my chances with Pichu." Sonic left the workshop, a disappointed man, as Jigglypuff took out the completed What-the-heck-dihedron and showed it off to Samus. Samus looked impressed.
With Fox out and about, Krystal asked Link and Zelda to help her with some chores around the house. And also babysit Marcus, but only if necessary. Link and Zelda helped Krystal spruce up her living room when Anna appeared.
"Guys, I think I have a growth forming on my back," Anna said to Krystal and company as she was aggressively scratching her back, feeling a mean itch that just wouldn't go away. "Just wanted to be honest with you guys."
"I can't take it anymore," Link said quietly Zelda, as Anna wandered into the kitchen contemplating using the scrubbing brush at the kitchen sink. "We need to take those teeth out of her mouth."
"But then she'll be a liar again," stressed Zelda, who liked the more honest Anna - even if she came off as brutally honest a lot of the time.
"Could it possibly be any worse than this?" asked Krystal, who like Link had grown tired of Anna's truth-telling tongue. Suddenly the doorbell rang, and Krystal answered the door...
...and saw the police sheriff from earlier standing at the door. The officer clearly wanted to speak with Anna, who joined Krystal at the door with the kitchen's scrubbing brush.
"So, after further investigation, it turns out that there is no Dr. Medicine in Seattle," the police sheriff confirmed to Anna, ashamed that he gullibly fell for the merchant's dastardly trick. "You better have a darn good explanation for this."
"Oh and I do!" replied Anna, more than ready to tell the police sheriff everything he wanted to hear and then some. "You see, I lied to you. In addition, I've been parking rented cars in handicapped spaces, shoplifting fireworks, and smuggling endangered animals across multiple state lines. Also, you're fat."
"Is all of this true?" The police sheriff was so deeply hurt by Anna fat shaming him, that he could just arrest the merchant on the spot right now.
"No! No, it's not true," answered Link as he ran to the door to clear up Anna's name, before looking back at Zelda for support. "Right, Zelda?"
"Uh, sir, I must be completely honest with you," Zelda said to the police sheriff, overwhelmed with nervousness as she didn't have it in her to tell a fib to save Anna's behind. "Our good friend Anna is...is...Anna is.. secretly a crime fiction writer! Yeah. She was just telling you about a character in his upcoming page-turner, Crime Merchant! She's never committed a crime in his life. Also, have you lost weight?"
"Finally! Someone noticed." The police sheriff proudly patted his stomach, which was still fat but whatever made him feel like a million bucks.
"What? Author?" Anna furrowed her brow as she looked at Zelda, who was committing to the whole "Anna is a crime fiction writer" as long as needed.
"Haha, writer, master of fiction," chuckled Zelda, before showing the police sheriff out of the door. "Good night, officer." The princess closed the front door, and let out a sigh of relief as she sat against the door.
"Hey, you alright?" Krystal asked Zelda, offering a hand to the princess; Zelda accepted Krystal's hand, and Krystal helped Zelda up to her feet.
"I can't believe I lied." Zelda couldn't get over the fact that she lied, and it was going to weigh on her mind all night long.
"Zelda, it was for the greater good," Link reassured his wife, as Anna returned to the kitchen to put the scrubbing brush back where it belonged.
"Yeah, the greater good." Soon Anna ventured into the living room and grabbed the house phone, making a call. But to who?
"Hello? Police station?" Anna spoke into the phone, while there was a knock at the door. "I forgot to tell him about my tax fraud. No, tax fraud." Krystal answered the door and saw Ashely standing by.
"Just wanted to see how the gold grill experiment is coming along," Ashley said to Krystal, who looked at Link and Zelda who both exchanged dubious looks with one another. Ashely understood quickly. "I'll extract the grill later..."
The home makeover was not a single effort; Mario, Peach, Spyro, and Hunter all pitched in and decorated the Hand Witch's digs. Once all the decorating was done, it was about time for the big reveal.
"Okay, time to take a look at your fantastic new cave!" Cappy said to the Hand Witch, who had her hands over her eyes. The witch took her hands away and saw her new-and-improved cave.
"Men will definitely tolerate you, now," Peach told the Hand Witch, who was all smiles as she checked out how sparkly her cave looked. "And I left a book of pick-up lines on the end table."
"AAAAAGH! OH MY GOODNESS!" the Hand Witch squealed, so excited that she couldn't hide it. She might even lose control. "I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS IS THE SAME CAVE, OH MY GOODNESS. I just can't find the words..."
"How about 'Here's your hands back?'" asked Mario as he held up his arm, taking off one of the makeshift hands that Cappy had made for him.
"Oh, right!" Hands with gloves over them came out of the Hand Witch's hair and crawled around Mario. before reattaching.
"Shakey! Scratchy! I've missed-a you, old rascals. You're all right, sister."
"Will you be my boyfriend now? Will you break up with your wife...for me?"
"Nope. Never." Mario walked out of the cave, as Peach and the others followed after him.
Mario: Well, I learned-a nothing.
"Back to my crippling loneliness.." the Hand Witch sighed depressingly, forced to live the rest of her life as a lonely hag. But hope soon arrived, as a man climbed up to the cave.
"Hey. I'm lost in these mountains," the man said to the Hand Witch, who looked at her new visitor with delight and intrigue. "Can I crash here for the night?"
"Please. Come in." Grabbing her Pick-up Lines book, the Hand Witch cleared her throat and read a pick-up line from it. "Girl, are those space pants? Because your butt looks out of this world!"
"Wow. Thanks for noticing!" Somehow, someway, the Hand Witch made a good first impression on the man. Everything was now pushing up daises.
Cafe Leblanc was closed, and Kirby and Viridi were in the living room watching some TV before dinner began. Pit entered the living room, commanding Kirby and Viridi's attention as he took a deep inhale.
"Hey guys," Pit greeted Kirby and Viridi...albeit in his normal voice. Kirby and Viridi were both ecstatic.
"Pit! You're back!" exclaimed Kirby, as he and Viridi went over to embrace Pit. The Koopalings, who were playing in the back of the living room, watched the scene unfold with confused stares.
"I guess I realized that even though my voice may not be perfect, it's still mine, and I wouldn't change it for anything, not even for whatever was in this new vial." Pit held up the vial in question, which was now empty.
"So, what did you do with the rest of that potion?" Viridi asked Pit, whose whimsical smirk implied that he used the potion with the "best" intentions in mind.
"I dumped it in Bowser's coffee." Speaking of whom, Bowser showed up in the living room with a cup of coffee in his hand.
"Have any of you kids seen mah girdle? Where mah girdle at?" Bowser approached the Koopalings, speaking in a woman's voice that caused his children to laugh at him. "What? What's so funny? I'm King-ah Bowsah! Kids laughing. Laughing at they father."
Ashley: Four different tales...four different happy endings. Except maybe for Bowser. I hope that you are satisfied with your fill.
Skull Kid: Are we done now? I can just play the theme song, and get this over with?
Ashley: What did I tell you about asking nonsensical questions?
Skull Kid: You never really told me about asking...
Ashley: Be quiet. Just do yourself a favor and play the theme song.
Skull Kid: *takes out flute, plays the Twilight Zone theme song*