"It's her first Christmas," Allison smiled as she dressed Everly in a red dress with white reindeer on the skirt.
"That's a cute dress," Teddy smiled, "where did you find that?
"Don't laugh mom," Allison said.
"Never," Teddy assured.
"Eden and Carmen invited me to go thrift store shopping with them a couple weeks ago and I found it and it was too cute not to buy," Allison said.
"I did a lot of thrift store shopping in college and med school," Teddy said, "for kid stuff for Ev it makes sense. That's being smart with what money you have. I know you grew up with dad and I having money and established careers but you and Asher are getting started. I used to do that a lot when I was younger. There's no shame in it."
"Annie said she did in med school," Allison said, "I found some stuff for Everly and a couple tops for me."
"There's nothing wrong with that," Teddy smiled, "you don't have to be embarrassed, her dress is adorable and she'll only wear it once."
"I washed it and the tights are new," Allison said, "tights work really well under her braces; they don't rub her legs as much when she wears tights. It's harder to change her diaper though."
"Better to protect her legs," Teddy smiled.
"I know, she rolled the other way this morning," Allison beamed.
"Good for her," Teddy smiled, "sitting?"
"Getting better she still needs support," Allison said, "we go back to physio in January. She's behind. 7 months and just rolling from back to front."
"But you're doing the work with her," Teddy praised.
"I don't want to do this tonight," Allison said, "I want to be home with you and Dad and Leo."
"I know," Teddy replied, "you want to be with your family. This is a hard compromise and I don't know how to help. I've never had to make it. Dad and I are on call. We'll probably end up working and I think Leo will go to Annie's. You can always text us after and see where people are and come meet us."
"Nee," Allison asked.
"No," Teddy said, "they always did Christmas with us."
"Before," Allison asked.
"When she was in college and her first year of Med school Dan and Leslie invited me and Henry to join their family for Christmas Eve and Christmas day so Annie had all of us," Teddy said, "then Annie's second year of med school she flew to me in Germany and Chris was deployed in Poland so he took his 5 day leave and they both spent it with me."
"What about Dan," Allison asked.
"They didn't talk for a few years," Teddy responded, "again I try not to get involved in your sister's relationship with Dan and Leslie."
"Did you ever," Allison asked.
"A couple times when Annie agreed to it and asked for our help, because she was really hurting," Teddy replied, "I would call or your dad but we really tried to stay out of it unless we had no choice or Annie asked. Annie was an adult. When you argue with Dad I stay out of it, dad stays out of it if you and I argue. It's how you learn to use your voice and argue."
"Do I have to go tonight? Can't Asher just take Ev," Allison asked.
"You have to go," Teddy replied, "I know you don't want to. This isn't something I've ever had to navigate or think about."
"I don't like it," Allison pouted, "I want to be at Annie's and with everyone watching the polar express and having cocoa."
"They don't start the movie until 8:30 ish but text Annie and ask," Teddy said, "maybe you could go to church, the service starts at 3:30 and ends at 5 and it's early dinner at his parents. Maybe you can do both. Take jammies for Everly with you and see. If you don't make it to Annie's then you and Asher can watch it here."
"But I want a normal Christmas," Allison complained.
"This attitude isn't helping," Teddy said, "this is a big change and you don't like it but you have to for Everly. Tomorrow morning we will have the same Christmas morning we always have then you have to go to lunch and it's what two hours? Then you're at Megs for 5."
"It's too busy for Ev tomorrow," Allison said, "it will overwhelm her. I can't do it mentally. There's such a thing as too much time with his family."
At Annie's Ellie was sulking.
"Elizabeth Grace, what's with the attitude it's Christmas," Annie scolded.
"Why isn't Allie coming tonight,'' Ellie asked.
"She has to go to Asher's parents with him and Everly," Annie replied, "I don't think she wants to but she has to. They have some tricky balancing to do."
"I don't fit in," Ellie said.
"You have Cat, Tyler, Daniel, your brothers, Leo, Heather, Faroke and Nisha are coming," Annie said, "what's this about sweetheart."
"I'm not perfect so they don't want me," Ellie said, "Cat doesn't like me at least Allie is nice."
"Oh Ellie bug, where did you get that idea," Annie asked.
"Don't call me bug," Ellie sulked, "I don't fit in. I don't play sports, I dance, I would rather read then watch movies. You should get it Granny didn't want you. And I'm not perfect."
"She's been mentally ill for a very long time," Annie said, "that was an illness. I don't think she knew or understood why or even meant to do what she did . Why do you think you have to be perfect?"
"Because you're a surgeon and win awards and I'll never measure up," Ellie said.
"I don't want you to be me," Annie said, "neither does dad. We want you to be happy and be you."
"Are you working tonight," Ellie asked.
"I'm on call but am third on the list for cardio," Annie said, "so 25% chance I'll get called. Dad is first call for trauma."
"So 100% chance," Ellie groaned.
"I know this isn't easy for you and your siblings," Annie said, "grandma said you were pretty stressed the other night."
"What did she tell you," Ellie gasped.
"Just that you seemed down and stressed," Annie said.
"For the last year everything has been Allie this, Cat that, Everly this," Ellie said, "I feel invisible."
"I remember that feeling in a big family," Annie said, "then being the oldest is a lot of pressure isn't it."
"You had uncle Chris," Ellie said.
"Aunty Jessica, Allison, Leo," Annie said, "I have two brothers and two sisters. Being the oldest sucks sometimes doesn't it."
"Why is it always help your brother, look after your sister," Ellie asked.
"Who is saying that," Annie asked.
"People," Ellie said.
"I want a 1000% honesty bug," Annie said, "do I say it or dad?"
"Sometimes," Ellie said.
"When," Annie asked.
"When you go out and leave us home alone," Ellie said.
"What else do we do then," Annie asked.
"You pay me," Ellie replied.
"We pay you to babysit," Annie replied, "that means we trust you. You babysat a few days ago for Everly. I know Allie can't pay you but you still did it because she trusted you. Did she ask Catrina? Did she ask Leo or Faroke?"
"She asked me," Ellie said.
Annie said, "dad and I aren't good at verbal praise. We show we trust you and believe in you by giving you more responsibility. This year you take the public bus home from school because we know you're mature enough to handle it. You get to babysit your siblings and cousins because you can handle it."
"What if I mess up," Ellie asked.
"Then we fix it together," Annie said, "that's my job helping you fix things."
"I think I messed up," Ellie said.
"What did you do," Annie asked.
"I told Mitch I'd date him but I don't know if I like him like that," Ellie said, "and you only ever dated dad, Grandma and grandpa, uncle Chris and auntie Jenna."
"Bug is this about a boy," Annie asked.
"Mitch's family says mean things about Allie some times his sisters do," Ellie said, "so I have to be perfect for them to like me."
"No you don't," Annie said, "maybe it's not a healthy place or relationship for you. You're 14 it's a first boyfriend. Break up with him if it's not right. I had a few boyfriends before your dad. Dad dated before we were together. Grandma and grandpa were both married to other people before they were together."
"Grandma and grandpa married other people," Ellie looked shocked.
"One reason Grandpa is my uncle Owen," Annie said, "he was married to Dr Yang at the time and mama was married to a man named Henry."
"Grandpa and Dr Yang," Ellie gasped.
"I know," Annie replied, "I was 19. I was Leo's age. Then Henry passed away when I was 21. Him and mama got married when I was 19."
"He was your step dad," Ellie said.
"He was. He started waffle mornings, that was something Henry and I did first," Annie smiled at the memory, "and he used to call me kiddo."
"Did you like him," Ellie asked.
"I did," Annie smiled, "he was a very nice man and he loved mama and I."
"You look sad," Ellie said.
"Just thinking of all the people who loved us," Annie smiled, "Henry, Grandmere and Papa, my grandma and grandpa, Ian. I need you to help me finish the tourtieres for tonight. Grandmere's recipe."
"Always," Ellie agreed, "does missing grandmere still make you sad?"
"Sometimes," Annie said, "but then we make some of her recipes or sing her songs and it reminds me how much she loved us. Tonight we're making her tourtiere."
"Does grandma like Everly more than me," Ellie asked.
"No," Annie said leaning against the counter, "something I've learned with mama is that she hovers around the one of us who is really hurting. She tries to be there and do everything for them to make it better. She has to make it better or be right there and that's something she's working on. My mother tunnels and obsesses. It's how Grandma is Ellie bug. She is also really observant of how all of us are doing. She's always very aware. You and I are a lot alike in a way. We measure relationships on how much time we spend together and that's how we judge who cares for us. Our love language is quality time. I know that about you and I think you're learning that about yourself."
"But when people don't spend time with you they're mad at you," Ellie said, "they spend time with their favourite person more. At least parents do."
"No," Annie replied, continuing to roll the pastry for the tourtieres for dinner, "we interpret it that way. That's not always what they mean by it. Often the person is just really busy, or we don't see the big picture. I know I've had to learn to tell your dad or my parents that I need that time. I'll tell your dad we need a date night or ask grandma, grandpa or grandude to have coffee or a glass of wine with me. Instead of getting mad or jealous, ask if you can hang out."
"That's it," Ellie asked, "can I ask Allie to hang out just us?"
"You can try," Annie said, "but she may bring Everly."
"Skiing," Ellie asked.
"No Ev is staying with Asher, Nana and Opa," Annie replied, "you could do a couple runs with Allie and the chair lift is a great place to chat."
"What about Grandma," Ellie asked.
"Text her and ask to hang out," Annie said, "wait till we're at the cabin and see if she'll walk or snowshoe with you. She loves the snow."
"Would she," Ellie asked, "I want to but I feel silly."
"Don't," Annie said, "just ask. If it's not a good time she'll pick another time with you."
"Why doesn't it bug other people," Ellie asked.
"You and I are super sensitive to rejection or the feeling of rejection even if it's not there," Annie replied, "it's part of how we're wired and it's hard to explain."
Annie's phone buzzed, "can you get that Ellie bug?"
"It's Allie," Ellie replied, "she wants to know if we can wait to start the movie until they get here after dinner."
"Tell her we will and I'll save her some tourtiere," Annie replied, "see you'll see her tonight. Growing up is hard. Sometimes the changes mean things look different and it's hard to get used to."
"How do I tell people I need more time with them," Ellie asked.
"You ask them to hang out and sometimes people get busy. We get busy," Annie said.
"I just text and ask," Ellie asked.
"Just text and ask," Annie agreed.
Allison finished getting Everly dressed then rebrushed her own hair.
"Is this okay for your dad's church," Allison asked Asher.
"Perfect," Asher smiled seeing Allison in her blue dress with black tights and low heeled boots, "should we go?"
"I'm nervous I haven't been there before," Allison said.
"I know we'll get there a bit early the service is 4-5 but dad wants us at 3:30," Asher said, "we'll have to make small talk for a bit."
"I don't like that part," Allison said.
"Then take Ev and hide in the nursery; it's open for people to use as needed," Asher said, "and I won't leave your side."
"After dinner we're going to Annie's for our Christmas movie like we do every year and the first gift of Christmas," Allison said.
"What time is the movie," Asher asked.
"8 or 8:30," Allison said, "I'm to text Annie when we head over and she'll have cocoa ready for us."
"Ev," Asher asked.
"It's Christmas if she's up late it's okay," Allison said, "and at Annie's I can snuggle her."
"Not my parents," Asher asked.
"At Annie's I'll put her in her jammies and take her braces off and just let her snuggle and sleep on us," Allison said, "she's had a bath already today."
"She does look cute," Asher smiled.
"She's always cute," Allison said, "can we leave her legs covered in the stroller at church? I don't want to answer a million stranger's questions about it. Not only did I corrupt the pastor's son our baby is special needs."
"I think dad's told most people and asked for prayer," Asher said, "breathe they'll love you and love Ev."
"I'm scared," Allison said.
"We'll go together," Asher tried to comfort Allison.
"Don't leave me," Allison whispered.
"Never," Asher promised, "let's go."
They put Everly in the car and drove to the church. Asher parked near the office entrance and they snuck in a side door. Parking the stroller outside his dad's office Asher knocked on the door.
"Merry Christmas," Mark smiled getting up from his desk.
"Merry Christmas dad," Asher smiled.
"This little one's first Christmas," Mark said looking into the stroller, "is she a bit warm?"
"We wanted to keep her braces covered," Allie said, "we didn't want to cause a scene."
"No," Mark said, "it'll be a full house. Leave the stroller here and carrier her in."
"Hi," Michelle greeted.
"Mom," Asher said, "Merry Christmas."
"How are you Allie," Michelle asked knowing the young woman could be shy with their family.
"I'm good, excited for Ev's first Christmas but I know she won't remember it," Allison said, "we will."
"You always will," Michelle agreed, "may I?"
"She's in a good mood today," Allison said, "chatty."
"I like our Everly in a chatty mood," Michelle smiled.
"She gets shy the first time in new places," Allison said.
"It's just Granny, can I hold her," Michelle asked.
"If she'll let you," Asher agreed as he unstrapped the baby from the stroller before trying to pass her to his mom. Everly clung to her dad.
"Shy today princess," Michelle asked, stroking Everly's back.
"It's okay Ev," Asher whispered, "it's just papa's church."
"You're okay baby," Allison said standing behind Asher so Everly could see her mom over her dad's shoulder.
Everly reached towards Allison and Allison took her hand.
"You're both good with her," Michelle praised, "she's calm with you."
"Ash is her favorite right now," Allison said.
"Mom, can you help us keep a low profile tonight," Asher asked, "I know the rumors last year."
"The three of you should sit with our family," Mark said, "together. It's Christmas. I know we pushed you away and we're sorry for that. You are all part of our family."
"Allison do you like cocoa or hot apple cider," Michelle asked.
"Cocoa," Allison smiled.
"Everly," Michelle asked.
"She's had the whipped cream from our cocoa but she still only drinks milk," Allison said.
"No water," Michelle asked.
"A few sips here and there but not a lot," Allison said, "we'll give her sips from our glasses and I have a sippy cup with us but she doesn't seem interested."
"Solids," Michelle asked.
"Still tasting," Allison said, "some days she eats a lot other days she tastes. When she's more awake and well rested she eats more food."
"That makes total sense," Michelle agreed, "dinner tonight?"
"We have food for her," Asher said, "carrots, peas, and green beans."
"Turkey and mashed potatoes," Mark asked.
"Maybe some potatoes," Allison said, "she liked scrambled eggs this morning."
"You gave her some of your breakfast," Asher asked.
"She ate a lot of it," Allison said, "you were at work this morning and missed breakfast with us. I was giving her a taste and she kept opening her mouth for more."
"Let's go find seats," Michelle suggested, "before it gets really crowded."
Michelle led the young family to the row of seats Asher's family always sat in and Allison made her way to the far corner away from the aisle and against the wall. Asher slipped in to sit beside her, Allison sat Everly in her lap.
"I'll take her," Asher offered.
"I'm good," Allison said, holding the baby gave her reason to hide and stay in the far corner.
"Don't hide," Asher said, "we're okay. You're okay. Ev is okay. I want you to meet some old friends of mine please Allie?"
"Can they come here," Allison asked.
"Asher Blouin," a guy cheered.
"Anthony Towes," Asher cheered in return.
"Why are you in the corner," Anthony asked.
"This is Allison and our daughter Everly," Asher said.
"You got married," Anthony asked.
"No," Asher said, "we've been together just over a year."
"Your dad said," Anthony said.
"Not yet," Asher said, "we're 18."
"Speak for yourself I'm 19 in three weeks," Allison said.
"Allie this is Anthony," Asher introduced.
Allison stood up with Everly and walked to meet Asher and his buddy. Asher saw Allison was nervous and put his arm around her waist.
They made small talk with a few of Asher's friends. Everly played shy when people came to talk to them.
"I don't like this," Teddy muttered to Owen.
"I don't like not having Allison here," Owen agreed, "it feels wrong."
"I think we'll all have to get used to it," Teddy said, "we've never had to share Annie with Josh's family."
"At least they're in Seattle," Owen replied, "I don't like it. Teds still our baby."
"I know," Teddy sighed, "she's 19 soon. Why do our kids turning 19 feel huge?"
"Because that's when you finally got to meet the oldest," Owen said, "Allison has done well this last year."
"She's so much stronger than I thought mentally," Teddy said, "she might be our strongest. "
"She is," Owen said, "she's strong. She surprises me."
"She's a lot more secure and balanced then the other two," Teddy said, "she's young but she's more secure in her relationships."
"There's still time for Leo and while Annie's insecurity is hard to take, we know that about her and it's trauma," Owen said.
"The only people Annie doesn't doubt is Josh, her kids Chris," Teddy said, "I thought by now and it's rubbing off on Ellie."
"I've noticed that Ellie has Annie's need to be flawless and if she's not she thinks everyone will hate her," Owen said.
"She already thinks people don't love or want her," Teddy replied, "she's 14 and a half. I told Annie letting her skip fourth was a bad call but the school was really pushing for it. The other three seem to be better with it and feeling like they belong."
"They can still help Ellie," Owen said, "see that she doesn't have to be perfect to be loved. That we love her exactly how she is."
"We'll try," Teddy replied, "I'll talk to Annie. I can say things to her no one else can. Let me do it my way Owen."
"Not this time," Owen said, "it's time she hears what it's doing to Ellie. I think we both talk to her."
"Maybe," Teddy said, "do you think Allie is okay?"
"She will be," Owen said, "she's her mother's daughter, she's strong. She acts most like you. She's got your personality."
"No," Teddy said, "she's all you."
"She's a mix," Owen said, "but of all three she's most like us."
"She is," Teddy agreed, "she got your hair."
"Even that's a mix," Owen replied, "she has your determination. You can get her down but you can't stop her."
"I know," Teddy said, "she'll do great things."
"Our second doctor," Owen said.
"Her reasons are different," Teddy said, "she'll understand her patients and their families in a way none of us can. She'll fight that much harder. If she chooses it."
"Will she," he asked.
"I don't know yet," Teddy responded, "she's interested but we'll have to see what happens with Everly. The worse Everly is, the less likely Allison will be able to."
"Did you see Ev today," Owen asked, "with them downstairs I see her less on work days."
"I know," Teddy said, "so do I but Allison and Asher need that independence."
"They do," Owen said, "they've been down there two weeks, it's still a novelty. She'll come up more once they're back in routine."
"I hope so," Teddy said, "I miss the quiet time last winter when she would come sit with me and we would talk. Sometimes she would cuddle and let me play with her hair or feel Everly kick."
"She shared a lot of that with you," Owen said.
"Ev's first Christmas," Teddy smiled, "we're ready?"
"All three kids, two sons in law and 5 grandchildren are overly spoiled Teddy," Owen said.
"Did I go over board," Teddy asked.
"If you have to ask," Owen teased.
"I love Christmas," Teddy smiled, "I don't like not having both Allie and Leo."
"We're on call," Owen said, "you know how that is."
"We're both second call," Teddy shrugged.
"Josh is first for trauma," Owen said, "Annie third for cardio but first for peds cardio."
"She should do adult from time to time," Teddy said, "she likes to tunnel and forget the big picture of where her patients are headed once they get too old for her."
"So the two of us tonight," Owen distracted Teddy.
"I know," Teddy replied, "this is new. I like our nights just us. We've never had this. When we started dating, when we got engaged, Allie was there."
"I know," Owen said, "and now that the kids are pretty much out of the nest I get to date my wife."
"Almost out," Teddy agreed.
Allison sat in the Church service trying to keep Everly quiet, the baby liked to babble but this wasn't the time or place for her to be chatty.
"If she babbles she babbles," Asher whispered.
A few rows back Asher's friends were whispering about Allison and Everly.
"He's married, he's so married," Anthony whispered.
"No," Carter said, "pastor Mark would have made a big announcement. We only ever saw the baby photos. Is their baby okay?"
"I've texted with Asher," Anthony said, "the baby is okay."
"She's kind of cute," Carter said.
"Which one," Anthony whispered, "Allison is gorgeous."
"I can see why he went for her," Carter agreed, "she didn't talk."
"Asher said she's really shy," Anthony said.
After the service they rejoined Asher's friends this time Asher carried Everly while they made small talk.
"We should go Ev won't wait much longer for dinner," Allison said when she had enough.
"We should she's making the hungry face," Asher agreed.
They drove back to Asher's parents and Allison quickly darted into the home office with Everly. His family was now used to Allison hiding to feed the baby.
"No solids for her," Michelle asked.
"Some but the way she was fussing that's what she wanted," Allison said.
"You know her well," Michelle praised, "you're very intune to her."
"She's the best thing I've done," Allison smiled kissing the top of Everly's head, "I know you and my parents would have preferred that we waited but she's here and she's our daughter and we love her."
"We all love her," Michelle promised, "that was never a question sweetheart."
"Even with," Allison started.
"Always," Michelle said, "I know we haven't always been the most accepting and supportive and I regret that. We are proud of you two and how hard you both work. Whatever you need we're here."
"Can I help with dinner," Allison asked.
"I could use some help putting things on the table. It's not fancy tonight," Michelle said, "and Asher said you were eating with us then had to make an appearance at Annies?"
"We do," Allison said, "trying to see both families tonight and tomorrow."
"Of course," Michelle said, "church is the big thing for us today so that was good you came."
"I haven't been in over a year," Allison admitted, "it was just too hard when people knew."
"I can see that," Michelle agreed, "we want you to come when your ready."
"Sunday is our only day home as a family right now and it really looks like I'll have to work sundays next semester," Allison said.
"Can you make it work with out," Michelle asked.
"We can but me picking up that extra shift gives us some wiggle room," Allison replied.
"Think about it or only do some," Michelle suggested, "Sunday is a day of rest so we can recharge and reset. Your mind and your body need that day not to work. Rest total rest is good for you."
"I know we have to sleep," Allison said.
"I'm not talking about sleeping," Michelle said, "I'm talking about spiritual rest, emotional rest. Take your Sundays and rest. Be with Everly and Asher, come visit if that's what you need. Go for a walk or a hike. You'll all be better for you taking that time together."
"I'll try," Allison agreed.
They sat down for dinner then once the dishes were cleared ducked out and made their way to Annie's
"Mom and dad are here," Allison beamed, "no one's been called yet."
"How do you know," Asher asked.
"Annie's van, Josh's truck, Dad's truck, Mom's car," Allison said, "Auntie Meg's car, Uncle Nathan's SUV."
"I thought they were divorcing," Asher said.
"They are but staying friends and still trying to do family things," Allison said, "notice they'll ignore each other and he's not coming to the cabin. Because we took the open room so there's nowhere for him to sleep."
They walked into Annie's house.
"Good timing baby girl," Teddy smiled giving Allison a hug, "did that go okay?"
"Better than I expected," Allison agreed, "I'm happy to be here."
"So there's cookies and I have cocoa in the crock pot," Annie smiled, "what do you need bean?"
"Nothing," Allison said, "I want to put Ev in her jammies because she'll need her last feed of the night soon ish. We had her pre diner milk late then she was really liking mashed potatoes so we went with it so she's off her schedule."
"It's Christmas," Annie smiled.
"It is," Allison agreed, "her first."
"You're ready," Annie asked.
"We just need Santa to come," Allison smiled.
"That's all we're waiting for," Annie agreed.
"I'm glad we made it," Allison smiled.
"We've spent 19 Christmas's together and I've seen you christmas eve every time," Annie beamed.
"But," Allison tried.
"Before you were born," Annie laughed, "mama had me scrub in on a cardiac tamponade my first one I was an intern. You tried to beat her up and get her attention through the whole surgery. But your first Christmas you we're almost one. You talked and babbled mama, dada, nee and osh."
"Your still Nee," Allison teased.
"Only from you, Annie smiled, "now Auntie Annie needs to give this precious one a christmas hug."
Allison passed Annie the baby and Annie immediately began to whisper to the little one in french. Allison smiled, this was her family. Her more than a boyfriend, their daughter, her parents, siblings, aunt, uncle, cousins nieces and nephews they were all together. This felt like Christmas.