Allison lay in bed tossing and turning. She couldn't fall asleep even though she was exhausted.
"Allie," Asher asked, "what's wrong?"
"Ash, I think I'm pregnant," Allison gulped.
"Why," Asher asked.
"My period is late, I'm nauseous, and my boobs hurt," Allison said, "now? We can't now. I'm a first year med student."
"If you are," Asher asked, "would you?"
"No," Allison declared, "we have another baby and I drop out and find a job."
"No," Asher argued, "you won't drop out, we'll make it work, we always do Allie."
"We're not ready." Allison said.
"We weren't with Ev," Asher said, "but if you are I promise I will be there every day to hold your hair back and rub your back and your feet."
"And my belly," Allison asked.
"You liked belly rubs," Asher chuckled.
"I liked when you would stand behind me and cradle my belly half lifting it up," Allison said, "it took some pressure off my back when you did that."
"We were so young," Asher sighed.
"We were," Allison replied, "but back and belly rubs were good."
"You still like back rubs," Asher said.
"I like physical contact," Allison admitted.
"I know you do," Asher agreed, "with Ev you would sneak down to my room and lay on my bed for me to hold you."
"I needed you," Allison admitted, "that first Easter at the cabin weeks before she was born. I tried to convince mom and dad to let you come upstairs after that and sleep in my room. But they thought I would sleep better on my own in my bed. And I wasn't really sleeping. I can't go back to no sleep. Ash, I can't do those last few weeks alone again."
"You wouldn't be alone," Asher assured, "when we have another child we'll be together the whole time."
"It would be a lot," Allison said, "we were going to start trying when I start my residency."
"You want to try," Asher asked.
"I'll be 26," Allison said, "once I'm working we can have a second baby."
"Okay," Asher agreed, "you still want 2 more?"
"Maybe," Allison replied, "two seems ideal. I don't think I want to be pregnant again. I love Everly and want more kids but I hated being pregnant."
"Do you think we were too young to appreciate it," Asher asked.
"Maybe," Allison agreed, "but the back pain, not being able to move easily, constantly in the bathroom that was hard."
"Allie, is it possible with your copper thing," Asher asked.
"I guess it always is," Allison said, "and it's coming to the end of it's life span."
"So we'll get a test in the morning," Asher said, "babe it's 12:30 can you try to sleep."
Allison shook her head, tears rolling down her cheeks.
"It's okay Allie," Asher said, "it'll be okay."
"Ev still needs us so much," Allison said, "and I'm scared."
"I know you're scared," Asher replied, "I am too. Do you want me to run to the 24 hour Rexall and get a test?"
Allison nodded.
"I'll go," Asher said.
"I'm scared," Allison whined, clinging to him.
"We'll be okay," Asher assured, "we will be okay Allie I promise."
"Two could we do it," Allison asked.
"We can," Asher assured, "you're almost done your first year of med school, it'll be okay. We will make it work."
Allison continued to cry as he held her.
"Allie I'm going to go get the test," Asher said.
"Ev's advil," Allison said, "I gave her the last dose an hour ago."
"I'll get both," Asher assured.
Asher grabbed a pair of sweats and a hoodie and quietly went outside he was shocked to run into Owen in the drive way.
"Asher," Owen asked.
"Ev's having a bad pain day and we just gave her the last of the advil," Asher said, "we won't make it to morning if I don't go now."
"We don't have any kids stuff," Owen said.
"What are you doing," Asher asked.
"Going to work," Owen replied, "they need me in trauma, not for a patient for some residents so I'm taking my time."
"I should go get the advil and then hopefully Allie will calm down," Asher said.
"She still gets worked up about it," Owen asked.
"She does," Asher said getting into his truck.
"Go," Owen agreed taking out his own keys.
Both drove off in opposite directions. Asher quickly found the advil for Everly and then paused looking at the choices for pregnancy test. He grabbed the one that advertised the most accuracy and went through the self checkout.
"Ash," Allison called as he let himself in.
"I got it," he replied.
"I've been chugging water," Allison said.
"Theres two in the box," Asher replied.
"One now and one later," Allison said.
"Do you think," Asher asked.
"50/50," Allison replied, "I checked my endocrinology textbook and my thyroid could cause an irregular period."
"Take the test," Asher said.
Allison put her cup in the dishwasher and hugged Asher before taking the test into the bathroom.
"Allie," Asher asked when he heard the toilet flush.
"5 minutes," Allison replied.
She washed her hands and stared at the test.
"Allie," Asher asked.
"Come in," Allison replied.
Together they watched the test, no second line appeared.
"Not pregnant,' Asher said, "you're not pregnant."
"So where is it," Allison asked.
"You're the doctor babe," Asher said, "but come to bed. Let's sleep."
"I'll try," Allison said.
"Babe come lay down," Asher said taking her hands and guiding her to bed.
Asher guided Allison to their bed and pulled her into his arms.
"Breathe," Asher whispered, "close your eyes. I love you."
"I love you too," Allison whispered.
"So," Asher asked.
"I call my dr and get blood work done I guess," Allison replied.
"So sleep," Asher said.
"I'm trying to," Allison said.
"You have to be at the hospital in the morning with the vein person," Asher said.
"Dr Claire Williams," Allison said, "vascular surgeon."
"You need to be on it," Asher said.
"I do," Allison replied.
"Then sleep," Asher said.
Allison eventually fell asleep in Asher's arms he could see that she was still stressed, her face wasn't fully relaxed and her body still felt tense in his arms. He knew her, he knew her moods and her stress.
The next morning Allison and Asher went about their normal morning with Everly. On her way to the hospital Allison dropped Everly off for before school care and drove to the hospital. She walked to the office number she was given.
"Ms Blouin," Dr Williams said opening the door.
"Hello," Allison smiled.
Claire Williams paused, "you look like someone I used to know. 30 years ago."
"Really," Allison asked.
"An old roommate of mine," Dr Williams said, "in New York. where did you grow up?"
"Here in Seattle," Allison replied, "my mom is from New York though."
"So surgery," Dr Williams said, "is this a come see but I don't want to cut or I want to cut and be a surgeon? What type of experience and I looking at."
"I want to be an orthopaedic surgeon," Allison said, "I want to cut. Both of my parents are surgeons at Grey Sloan, I've been in the OR with them and my older sister."
"Grey Sloan," Dr Williams asked, "what are their names? What departments? I knew their former chief of surgery many years ago."
"Teddy Altman and Owen Hunt," Allison replied.
"You're Teddy's Allison," Dr Williams said, "we were roommates when we worked at Columbia."
"You're Claire in mom's stories with the first Allison the one I was named after," Allison asked.
"I am," Dr Williams smiled, "Blouin though?"
"I'm married," Allison replied.
"Young," Dr Williams said.
"23," Allison replied, "last summer."
"Your husband, is he in school as well," Dr Williams asked.
"He's an electrician," Allison replied.
"So you're with me the next couple weeks at the hospital," Dr Williams said, "I'm older, I only do two days a week here now. But we are going to have a long day. I probably won't let you leave until 7 or 8 tonight. Do you need to let your husband know?"
"I do," Allison said, "I need to make sure I have some one to get our four year old from day care."
"Your mom," Dr Williams asked, "Teddy must love being a grandma."
"She does," Allison said, "but she's out of town and my dad is overnight tonight. I'll call my sister and her husband. Annie can probably do it or Josh."
"Annie," Dr Williams said.
"Peds cardio at Grey Sloan," Allison replied.
"Call then lets get going," Dr Williams said. Allison excused herself and made the call arranging for Josh to pick up Everly and take her to their house until Allison our Asher could get there.
Claire Williams smiled watching the young woman, named for someone she had loved so deeply who's loss had changed the course of her life. From what she had seen the girl was young but determined, finding out Teddy's baby was married with a four year old of her own was shocking. This felt like a chance to pay it forward, to tell the last living memory of Allison Brown who she was named for.
"Ready," Dr Williams asked.
"Yes," Allison replied, "my brother in law is going to get Everly from daycare at 5:30."
"Your daughter," Dr Williams asked.
"She's a sweet kid," Allison smiled, "she's almost 5."
"You were 18,' Dr Williams said.
"We were," Allison answered.
"Do you have pictures," Dr Williams asked.
"I do," Allison said quickly, finding one of Everly and Teddy, it was one of Everly and Teddy rolling out cookie dough together, "she loves baking with my mom."
"Teddy still bakes," Dr Williams asked.
"She does," Allison replied, "Everly loves baking with Grandma. She spends a lot of time with my parents."
"The bracing," Dr Williams asked, "recent injury?"
"Cerebral Palsy," Allison answered.
"And she's got some mobility,' Dr Williams asked.
"She does," Allison replied, "she walks with a walker or crutches. My parents are upstairs so she's figured out the stairs to go see them."
"You live with your parents," Dr Williams asked.
"We do," Allison replied, "in their basement suite for now. When I'm done with school we'll move out on our own for residency."
"Are you ready," Dr Williams asked.
"To be in the OR yes," Allison replied, "we get to start observing in the gallery in highschool and scrubbing in at 19."
"So you've scrubbed in for a while," Dr Williams said.
"Yes ma'am," Allison replied, "I brought a cap but will need scrubs."
"We'll get you scrubs," Dr Williams replied, "your cap Allison?"
"I have two it's your preference," Allison replied, "I have my school one and my sunflower one."
"Sunflowers," Dr Williams asked, "why sunflowers?"
"My dad chose it for me," Allison said, "I love to garden and always grow sunflowers and dad chose them because I always keep going and get stronger. Dad picked Annie's and Leo's as well."
"Is it a family tradition," Dr Williams asked.
"He chose the three of ours," Allison replied, "Annie has sea otters, Leo's is a treasure map. Dad's is a green almost camo print and mom has birds."
"I have birds as well," Dr Williams said.
"Mom said they were to honour the first Allison," Allison replied, "that she loved birds."
"She did," Dr Williams said, 'she loved nature. But today we are starting with a very large 36 inch blood clot."
"Wow," Allison replied, 'that's massive."
"It is," Dr Williams said, "young woman, mid twenties, morbidly obese and limited mobility."
"Other causes," Allison wondered.
"Lack of movement," Dr Williams said, "genetics, and she has a bicuspid aortic valve."
Allison gulped.
"Is everything all right," Dr Williams asked.
"My daughter has a bicuspid valve," Allison replied.
"But Everly is that her name," Dr Williams said.
"Yes," Allison confirmed.
"Everly is getting medical care," Dr Williams said, "this young woman hasn't. Your daughter has cardio surgeons looking out for her. You make sure your little one moves every day?"
"Physio, she does PE at school, we have swimming lessons 4 times a week," Allison replied, "we play outside and we don't do screen time unless she's moved first."
"Then she'll be healthy," Dr Williams replied, "the young woman we are seeing will need a total lifestyle change. Heart healthy lifestyle indicators?"
"30 minutes of exercise 5 days a week that elevates the heart rate," Allison began, "balanced diet low in processed foods, plant based with lots of green vegetables. Weight loss may be indicated in this case. Quitting smoking or vaping."
"Plant based was part of your recommendations," Dr Williams said.
"I try to do plant based 3-4 days a week and usually for my lunch," Allison replied.
"You were probably raised with it as a lifestyle," Dr Williams said, "I'm seeing more and more of this with people your age."
"How can we stop it," Allison asked.
"Remove the screens,' Dr Williams said, "less screen time, more physical activity. I don't think the 150 minutes a week is really enough. I think double might be better, a combination of strength and cardio. What do you do?"
"We go for walks as a family and swim, my husband and I hike, I run, I take a highland dance class for 90 minutes once a week just for the fitness piece," Allison said, "we ride bikes as a family, Everly has an adaptive bike my parents got her for Christmas that she adores. You?"
"I cycle and run," Dr Williams replied, "you remind me of your mom but theres something that's reminding me of her."
"Her," Allison asked.
"My Allison," Dr Williams said, "she would have loved to meet her namesake. She always wanted to meet your sister, she stole one of Annie's pictures from your mom's room and put them on our fridge. But you she would have been all over this, all over me that you're in my OR today. Teddy's baby."
"I hope I can live up to the name," Allison replied, "I've heard a lot of stories about her. Always good things."
"Here's our patient, show me what you have," Dr Williams said.
"Am I here to participate or to watch," Allison asked.
"Watch in the room then tell me everything you notice," Dr Williams said.
"Yes ma'am," Allison replied.
They worked through the long day with Allison pushing herself harder than she ever had before, this was one of the people that had driven her mom to join the army. She had to impress this woman, there was too much family history.
That night Allison walked into the basement suite after 10 and collapsed on the couch.
"Long day," Asher asked.
"Very," Allison replied, "and we didn't sleep last night."
"About that," Asher asked.
"I have blood work booked between dropping Ev off at daycare and starting school tomorrow," Allison replied, "today was the highest pressure day I've had."
"Really," Asher asked.
"Dr Williams was mom's roommate in New York," Allison replied, "with the first Allison. Mom's best friend who was killed in 9/11. I was named after her."
"Wow no pressure there," Asher said.
"Exactly," Allison said, "and I don't think I lived up to her expectations. I love my surgical observations elective and will take it again next spring."
"Semester's almost over," Asher said.
"I have summer classes," Allison replied, "classes, labs and some time with a family physician."
"We have the money," Asher said, "your scholarships really help."
"Having med school covered," Allison replied.
"Your tuition," Asher agreed, "I saw the bill on your student account over your shoulder."
"I was just sending it to the foundation," Allison said.
"I know," Asher said, 'but $20 grand for the four classes."
"I know," Allison replied, "med school will be about $300 grand when I'm done. I'm so thankful for the foundation's support. I want to work in one of their hospitals when I'm done, pay it forward somehow."
"We owe them so much," Asher agreed.
"Ev's care and equipment," Allison said, "my education. We do. I want to work for them one day and be part of the team for a family like ours. But I think I blew it today. I'm not my mom, I don't have her confidence and I don't know everything yet. Williams expected me to be this cardio expert but I'm not. I don't want cardio, I don't like cardio. Or Trauma. I want ortho or neuro."
"Then focus on that," Asher said, "why do you have to be a cardio expert?"
"Because my mom is Teddy Altman and my sister is Grace Altman," Allison said, "cardio goddesses. I won't measure up in cardio. I don't want it and they don't expect me to. I'm allowed to choose my own speciality. I don't know if Annie chose or was told but I get to choose."
"You're still a student," Asher said, "you don't need to even choose now. Just learn and enjoy learning babe. Today are you worried about your performance or because of your mom or last night?"
"B and C," Allison replied.
"You know your mom will be okay," Asher said, "and 9/11 was like 35 years ago so the woman hasn't known your mom in that long."
"She knew about Annie," Allison said.
"She must have gone to visit," Asher guessed.
"No she was with Dan Mom wasn't allowed contact until Annie was 19," Allison replied.
"I can't imagine," Asher said, "I knew Annie was adopted but that's a long time."
"Mom and I talked when I was pregnant," Allison replied, "that's one reason I decided to keep Ev with or without you. I couldn't do that, to wonder every day to pray she was okay."
"Annie's biological dad," Asher asked.
"She's met him once a couple years ago," Allison replied, 'she doesn't want a relationship with him. She has 3 or 4 other siblings she doesn't know."
"She does," Asher asked.
"She does," Allison replied, "she chose what's best for her and her kids."
"And you," Asher replied.
"You know both of my siblings," Allison replied, "mom said there's just the three of us and dad says he has no other kids. I have no surprise siblings. I was the surprise sibling."
"Your making a funny face," Asher said.
"Cramps," Allison replied, "I'll be fine. Cramps are actually good."
"Why would cramps be good," Asher asked, "the last time you told me about cramps it was the 24 hours before Ev was born."
"This is worse than I normally get," Allison said, "but cramps before my period."
"Can I help," Asher asked.
"Grownup advil," Allison replied, "maybe make me a cup of tea."
"Which tea," Asher asked.
"Forever nuts," Allison replied.
"Have you eaten," Asher asked.
"Lunch," Allison replied.
"You need dinner," Asher replied, "you have to eat Allie you know your mental health sufferers when you're hungry."
"What's easy," Allison asked.
"We have the chilli in the fridge from last night," Asher offered.
"A small bowl," Allison agred, "I still have to study."
"Come to bed,' Asher said.
"No," Allison argued, "2 hours. I have a test tomorrow."
"I'm checking,' Asher said, "Allie sleep and eat."
"I will," Allison replied.
Asher heated the chilli and put it on the table for Allison, "I'm going to let you study."
Allison hugged him and sat down at the table to eat and work. Her day replaying in her mind, she wanted to talk to Teddy but she was in Mexico teaching. She wondered about the woman she had worked with today, there was something that wasn't being said. Was it about her mom, or the first Allison? And she still felt off.
Allison grabbed her phone and texted Annie, "hey I know it's late but your on call tonight so."
Annie, "I'm up whats up?"
Allison, "symptoms: late period, intermittent nausea, sore boobs, negative home pregnancy test, anxiety, fatigue."
Annie, 'really you're having me practice diagnosis. This is so out side my scope right now Allie."
Allison, "mom's in Mexico teaching and they're my symptoms."
Annie, "how late?"
Allison, "6 days. I took a test this morning and it's negative. I have cramps now but I never get cramps."
Annie, "thyroid symptoms?"
Allison, "I'm puffy and my nails are breaking easily."
Annie, "blood work?"
Allison, "booked for 7:45 tomorrow."
Annie, "the test is negative. You're 95% not pregnant. Don't drink until you get your period just in case. And relax. Mine used to go wonky in med school because of the stress. How was your vascular observation today?"
Allison, "odd, she knows mom, they were roommates in New York."
Annie, "you worked with Claire Williams?"
Allison, "yes."
Annie, "she's average. Not a huge fan of mine, I know that, I've challenged her in some round tables a few times around childhood heart and cardiovascular disease. Something happened between her and Mama 30 years ago, I don't know what. Mama told me they were really close until 9/11."
Allison, "there was something Dr Williams wasn't saying."
Annie, "probably about the conflict. We've all been at heart valve happy hour and they're polite but there's something. I know they had another roommate."
Allison, "Allison. Who I'm named after."
Annie, "it could just be that. That you do look like mama, you're a good mix of them. Your name, you look like mama you probably caught her off guard."
Allison, "I work with her next week."
Annie, "go be yourself and do your best. Bean its 11 why are you up?"
Allison, 'stressing and studying. I didn't get home until 10."
Annie, 'she kept you that late?"
Allison, "9:30 when she finished with her last patient and said I could go."
Annie, "no, we're supposed to let you go after a max of 9 hours. When did you start?"
Allison, "I met her at 8."
Annie, "no, tell your faculty advisor, make sure your log from today clearly shows your time and when you took breaks."
Allison, "we had lunch at 1."
Annie, "log it. Williams might be old school with her students and residents but it's not okay with the residency commission or UW. Allison you need to be offered breaks every 4 hours so in a 9 hour day you should get 2 and a minimum of 45 minutes."
Allison, "I can't speak up with her. She knows mom."
Annie, "I made that mistake as an intern and second year resident not speaking up because of mama. It led to me getting burnt out then mono. Allison the rules are in place for patient protection as much as yours."
Allison, "I'm okay. I just need to get through tomorrow's quiz and I need time with my daughter."
Annie, "you do."
Allison ," Nee do you think I'm okay?"
Annie, "I think you are. Get your blood work done and go from there. I think it's the end of the semester and you need the couple weeks off."
Allison, 'I do."
Annie, "go to bed baby bean. Rest."
Allison, "I need another half hour."
Annie, "then go to bed."
Allison, "I will soon."
Annie, "if you're not sleeping it could throw your cycle off."
Allison ,"I guess."
Annie, 'bed and relax. Does Asher know?"
Allison, "he does."
Annie, "go study then curl up with him."
Allison, "I will. I want mom."
Annie, "call her."
Allison, "I don't want to worry her."
Annie, "I did it a couple months before my wedding for the same thing. My thyroid was really off."
Allison, "tomorrow. I call now and she'll think someone's dying."
Annie, "I'm at work if you need anything. You're okay. I'm here if you need me."
Allison, "thanks Nee. I love you."
Annie, "I love you too baby bean."
Allison finished studying and put her bowl in the dishwasher and got ready for bed. She peeked into Everly's room and her daughter was sound asleep with her doll in her arms. The doll in it's nightgown with the little doll sized braces on the nightstand. Her daughter looked peaceful. She tiptoed over and smoothed Everly's blanket and ran her hand over her head. She slipped into bed and Asher pulled her close to him, she snuggled into his arms and put her head on his chest.