Chapter 4: A Dark Shade Of Crimson

Haruno moved closer, balancing on her knees, hands reaching out and grabbing onto me for support. I watched her every move, drinking in the oozing eroticism of her movements. She was down on all fours, almost crawling towards me. Playfully moistening her lips, suggestively raising her hips, and unintentionally, jostling her breasts, Haruno eyed the vacant spot, made inside the twined circle of my legs, aiming to position herself in my lap. She sought comfort in my arms and found a semblance of peace at hearing my heartbeat. It beats for her now. She tilted her head sideways, placing her ears on my chest, and listened to my beating heart for over a minute.

"Your heart is beating really fast." Haruno said, her lips brushing over the fabric of my shirt, almost making me hate this innocent piece of clothing, for depriving me of the luxury of her kisses and touches upon my covered torso.

"Yeah," I succumbed to her, lowering my walls, disregarding my inhibitions, making myself vulnerable and liable to get hurt. "I think it might beat out of my chest."

"Can't have that," Haruno joked, "We don't want the world knowing you actually have a heart. They might look at you differently. They might admire you more, fall in love with you more often," She is not a nice girl, I reminded myself. "Or make you fall in love with one of them. Make you be someone else, make you pretend, be different, force you to change for them." She understands me and I understand her. "Never change, Hachiman. Not even for me."

I am no longer in middle school, "I won't. I promise." I am in my third year in Soubu High and I like to believe I have learnt from my past mistakes. I know this is not genuine and I am fine with it. I have made progress.

She was touching me everywhere; caressing my cheeks, stroking the underside of my jaw, patting the back of my head. I gradually came to the slow realization that Haruno was out of her depths. She didn't know what to do with her hands.

Her right hand ran around my shoulders, rubbing my back in a soothing manner, while she drew lazy circles on my torso, using the index finger of her left hand. Haruno was restless, twitching and fidgeting, walking on the very edge of her entire existence, rebelling against her insecurities and trying to fight back her decade long upbringing. Even then her ears were pressed over my chest, still listening to my beating heart.

"It's beating quicker now." Haruno replied.

"I know," I looked into her eyes. "It beats for you now."

"So does mine," Haruno murmured softly, "My love."

The cushion sunk lower, adjusting to both our weights. She nestled herself deeper in my lap and finally, found a new purpose for both her hands. Her right hand was placed on top of my shoulders for balance and her left hand was used to tilt my face upwards to meet her gaze.

I saw her breathe through her nose. It was meant to calm her, make her appear more composed and less nervous. I watched her eyelids flutter. Most people close their eyes while they initiate a kiss with the person they love. Haruno is no different. Neither am I. I felt our noses brush accidentally. It was cute. It was funny. I felt her smile on my lips.

We kissed.

We wanted this. We wanted this so very much. Earlier in the day, when we had shared our first kiss- our first, proper kiss on the lips, I mean- I had the strength to watch her leave. It hurt. It hurt both of us. We just couldn't take this anymore. We couldn't hold on much longer.

I couldn't turn back. I couldn't stop kissing her, tasting her, feeling her: her lips, her tongue, her arms, her hands, her fingers, her ankles, her legs, her thighs. She kissed me back with equal fervor, twining her arms around my shoulder, tangling her fingers in my hair. My hands ran up her spine, sending pleasant shudders all through her body, making her arch her back and forcing her to hold onto me for support. Her breathy moans, her sharp intakes of breath, mingled well, with my grunts of pleasure and ragged breathing. The fabric of her dress was getting wrinkled. My wayward fingers were to blame. After traversing the length of her back, they slid over her shoulders, down her elbows and then skipped over to the small of her back, inching lower. She wore a skirt. I forgot; disaster: My hands brushed across new skin, bare skin, her bare hips clad in only panties.

I jerked back, removing my hand from her hips and my sudden movements jostled her, almost made her lose her balance. She was on my lap, we were sitting on the sofa, making out. But there was a coffee table kept right next to us. The table top was made of glass. I was scared. Haruno would get hurt. She could lose her balance, fall on top of the coffee table, break the glass surface and cut herself, bleed to death. No! I had to keep her safe. I had to keep her close.

So, I pulled her closer, grasped her hips and heaved her over. Haruno hadn't expected it. The abruptness of my action surprised her. Her fingers, already tangled in my hair, managed to yank a few weak stray pieces of hair away from my scalp and made me yelp like a hurt puppy.

"Ow!" I cried.

"Oh sorry!" Haruno exclaimed.

Haruno thought she had hurt me more severely. She didn't know it was just some useless bit of hair. But she had a guilty look in her eyes and I saw her moving back, disentangling herself, extracting herself from me. No! I couldn't.

"Haruno! Wait!" I almost screamed.

"I hurt you," Haruno shouted, "I am sorry! I lost control and I didn't see you move. Or expected you to pull me like, like-"

"-like a caveman." I offered.

"What! No!" Haruno shouted. She looked away, evading my eyes and blushed. "I kinda liked it. Sitting on top of you. It reminded me of something I just saw."

"You just saw?" I asked, curious, "What did you see?"

"What?" Haruno looked puzzled for a second. Then realization dawned; followed by embarrassment, "No-nothing, Hachiman. I-I am um, talking nonsense. Haha! Please ignore me." She looked slightly uneasy. Once again, her eyes darted towards the television set. It was still turned off. Her face relaxed a little. Then her eyes fell on the remotes and the numerous DVD cases lying on top of her coffee table. Her eyes even went to the forgotten book, now lying upturned on the floor. It was close to my leg. Her eyes were fixed to the spot.

"Oh. Do you, um, want this book?" I asked awkwardly. Haruno looked mortified. She made a confusing gesture- half nodding, half shaking her head. It confused me a little. Without thinking much about her behaviour, I reached down and swiped the book from the floor. "Here you go, Haruno-san." I said, noticing for the first time, the dull, dark cover and the words emboldened at the front. "Is this an instruction manual or something?" The words were in English, but I don't think the language was English, "Does this have anything to do with the TV or the empty DVD cases, Haruno-san?" She was not looking at me at the moment. In fact, I was sure she was looking at the book dangling between my fingers. By the look of her face, I could tell she wanted to take this from me at the earliest.

However, I didn't expect her to lunge at me like a freaking kunoichi!

"What are you doing? Have you lost your mind?" I shrieked, moving back.

"No! I am perfectly fine! Thank you for asking, Hachiman!" Haruno replied, blushing. "Just give me the damn book and we can return to making out on the sofa. Oh I knew this was stupid! What was I thinking? You were coming over, we were gonna spend the night together. Have sex! But I had to be myself about this, didn't I? I wanted it to be perfect. Oh stupid, stupid, stupid! Just give me the book, Hachiman." She half crawled, half clawed, half climbed on to me and this was not like before; what I mean to say is- not to sound childish or immature- but she was not being sensuous or seductive about this. Not that it mattered too much, but this was just a little weird. It was more like a game of keep-away, where I had become an unwitting participant. It was almost like I had gotten hold of her secret stash of…Wait. Rewind. Recap.

However, before I could catch my train of thought, Haruno had gotten ahold of her book. "Aha! Got you now!" She exclaimed triumphantly. But her triumph didn't last for long. "Waah!" She lost her balance and was about to roll over, fall off of my lap and straight on to the coffee table. She would get hurt, cut herself on the glass. No! I won't let it happen.

"Got you!" I exclaimed, wrapping both my arms securely around her waist, keeping her safe on the sofa, right in my lap, between the safe circle of my entwined legs. "I got you Haruno. You won't fall off. I won't let you drop. I won't let you go. You are safe." I ran my hand along her hair in a comforting manner. She held onto my shoulder for support, buried her face in the crook of my neck and I heard her shudder and take a ragged breath. She hadn't seen the danger of fooling around this close to a glass table. The novelty of the sofa would soon wear off. It was best to head inside, take her to bed like she originally wished. Like she desired.

"Maybe we should take this to-" The rest of the words died on my lips. I could feel her stiffen in my arms. But I didn't let go of her. Like I said, I wouldn't let go of her. Not now. I can't tell about the future, but definitely not now.

"You think I am a slut, don't you Hachiman?" Haruno spoke those words softly. "I don't blame you. After seeing this I would think I was a slut too. I don't know what came over me. I just wanted this to be perfect. I wanted our first time to be perfect! And wouldn't you know I went full 'Yukinoshita Haruno" over it." Unlike me, she had her face facing away from the general direction of the television set. "I ruined this, didn't I?" she asked me, timidly. I felt her clutching onto the fabric of my shirt with all her might.

"Um, I don't think so. No." I murmured. "I just didn't know couples did, um, this type of a thing, before um, making out or um, having sex. I assure you this is quite natural, Haruno-san. I have done, I mean I have watched stuff like this myself sometimes. But always alone. Not with someone else." My eyes now trailing back, tracing the steps back, trying to fathom the chain of events which led to the television set turning on, on its own. The culprit was the book. After our little tussle, Haruno had dropped it on top of the coffee table and it had fallen on top of the remote, which turned on the television.

"So you don't think I am a slut for watching porn, right?" Haruno asked. "I mean I was expecting you any moment. It was past evening. And, we were going to have sex tonight. But I was watching porn instead. Isn't that kind of bad?" She was still not looking at me. Instead she was talking to my chest, addressing my beating heart perhaps. "And I watched a lot. Just look at the number of DVDs. Oh I feel like such a slut. What was I thinking?"

"Okay then," I finally latched onto a good line of questioning, "What were you thinking, Haruno-san? Not that I mind or think you are wrong for watching porn. I definitely don't think you are a slut. But still I am curious about this?" I used a soft, comforting voice to ease her troubles, while I continued to run lazy, lethargic strokes down her back. She sighed to herself at my touch and relaxed in my arms. I think I made her feel a little better. "Also, why is there no sound coming from the television? Is it broken?"

"Of course not," Haruno mumbled. I could feel her lips brushing against the fabric of my shirt while she spoke in halting sentences, using smaller words. Oh I was going to hate this shirt soon. "I um, muted it."

"You muted it? Why did you do that, Haruno-san?" I asked. Confusion was clearly evident in my voice. Haruno was quite for a moment and then thin I felt hear open her mouth and murmur something against my shirt. Damn you shirt!

"…loud." It was the only word I picked up.

"Loud?" I asked again.

Haruno fell quiet again and this time I really thought she wouldn't grace me with a proper explanation. But like always, she managed to surprise me. "I was referring to the porn. It was being too loud. It was unnecessary and completely fake." I felt her adjust in my lap and pull my hands tighter around her waist, "I um, didn't like the way they talked too. The dialogue I mean. It was vile and filthy. I actually hated it the most. So I turned down the volume before I finally decided to mute it altogether."

"Um, okay. I think I understand." I couldn't believe I was having this conversation. "You don't like watching porn."

"No. I liked the options it gave me." Oh God! I don't wanna know. "I would have preferred it to be shot more like a silent film, you know? Like the Charlie Chaplin series. But instead of comedic genius, they would be pornographic brilliance."

"…Um, I think you just ruined a treasured memory from my childhood, Haruno-san."

"Oh, I am sorry. I like Charlie Chaplin, though. I think I have the entire collection. Do you want to watch it?"

"Um, right now?"

"…Maybe not. But sometime later."

I can't believe we are still talking. About this of all things! A moment ago, I was kissing the woman I loved. And now, in the very next moment, I am having a discussion-which sounds awfully like a legit movie review- regarding porn. Then we shifted to Charlie Chaplin somehow. Oh Chaplin-san. I am so sorry. Please forgive me. Truly, this can only happen to me: the one and only Hikigaya Hachiman.

I needed a new topic. I looked at the object lying on top of the remote. Well this should provide a wonderful distraction. After all, printed pages are the arch rivals of television media. "Um, Haruno-san, what was the book about? I thought I saw some English words in the front. But the language was definitely not English. It had a word. Um, 'Miller' I think." I definitely butchered the word.

"It's 'Meilleur'. It means 'Best' in French." Haruno replied, softly. I thought she would latch on to the new topic. But it seemed to have made matters a little worse. She gave an involuntary shudder, moving directly on top of my crotch and then wiggled her hips a little. I knew a distraction when I saw one. Or in this case felt one. But she was using her body to distract me, over an ordinary book and nothing else. This better contain nuclear codes. Or. Oh, don't tell me…

"It's a sex book isn't it?" I asked.

This time Haruno looked up. She was staring straight into my eyes. I could see a few drops accumulating in the corner of her eyes. Her cheeks were flushed a darker shade of red. I had never seen Haruno-san this embarrassed; this vulnerable.

"I only read the first couple of chapters. My French isn't really great like it once was. I mean I could understand what was written in the book. There were a few pictures and diagrams." Haruno felt like explaining herself; I don't know why. She just did. I rubbed her arms, her shoulders, her thighs, "…The book was okay. Better than watching porn. Guess I am into books like you, huh?" she asked, tucking her head below my jaw, nestling deeper into my chest.

"Yeah. Books." I murmured into her hair. "Um, please don't take this the wrong way, but um, is this book, and these DVDs, um, are they yours?"

"No!" Haruno shook her head furiously, "I borrowed them. The DVDs from Shizuka-chan and the book is from the library. And please don't ask which library. Please don't. I don't feel like thinking, least of all discussing the idea behind finding this book in my father's personal library. I like to think my parents had me without sex. Thank you very much."

I scoffed. "Don't we all." This was good. Awkward conversation aside, we were talking, trying to compose ourselves and calm down. It was all for the better. I kept stroking my hands up and down her spine, soothing away her worries and Haruno kept rubbing lazy circles over my shirt. No I only had to do one more thing and we can get back to normal.

Without asking, I shifted, moved a little to the left and using my left hand I reached for the remote. I kept my other hand, wrapped around her waist, rubbing the small of her back, accidentally brushing against the swell of her hips on a few occasions. Haruno didn't mind. She would have told me by now. In fact, I heard her sigh languidly and ease into me, almost moulding her entire body over mine.

"What are you doing, Hachiman?" Haruno asked. She had felt it shift and the absence of his other arm from her waist was obviously noticeable. "Where is your other hand? I want both your hands. Please."

"Just a second, Haruno-san. I was just turning this off." Haruno whipped her head around and looked at the television set. For once, I was glad she didn't look up at me. I had no interest in watching a porno scene at the moment, but while I was trying to use the remote to turn it off, I caught a small glimpse of the sexual acts, of an oral nature, currently being performed by the actors. I blushed, embarrassed. Haruno did too.

After I switched off the television set, Haruno reached up, shifted in my lap, settling her hips on my crotch and gave a tentative rub. I inhaled. Hard. She was wearing a skirt. Damn. Why do I keep forgetting that? There was nothing covering her hips except for a pair of panties. All bare skin, all her bare skin, rubbing against the fabric of my pants. I hated my shirt before for denying me the pleasure of her lips. But I hate my trousers more for denying me, this.

Haruno caressed my cheek, lovingly, "I can do that." she said, softly.

"Do what?" I asked, foolishly.

"Suck your cock." Haruno replied, coolly.

I looked at her face: her sweet, beautiful face. Her lips: her red, strawberry lips. I tried to imagine them, wrapped around my cock, taking me all the way in, sucking and licking, tipping me over the edge, making me come in her mouth…

I drew a ragged breath, "Later…" Even the thought was too much. I couldn't imagine, not even in my wildest dreams and fantasies, her partaking in oral sex. But this was the same woman, who borrowed a bunch of porn films from her former sensei, and took a sex book from her father's library. Why? So our first time could be perfect, that's why.

"Then, what do you want me to do?" Haruno asked, timidly.

"Nothing at all," I spoke softly, trying to make her see reason, wanting her to understand. "I just want you to relax a little. Don't worry too much. We love each other, right?"

"Of course we do!" Haruno exclaimed. She was sure and I was glad. Good. We love each other. I can't get tired of hearing it. Never. Never ever.

"And this is um, our first time, right?" I was a little uncertain about this.

Haruno was a little older than me, by two years, she said. More experienced in matters of love and seduction, the girl who plays with the heart of little boys and the woman every man dreams to have in their arms. But it was all fake, a façade, playing pretend. She wore a mask with them. She wore a mask for me too. But not now. Not after we confessed our love for each other. Not after we kissed.

"…Yes." Haruno replied. Her hands were back on my shoulders, wrapped around my neck, pulling me towards her, our lips meeting in a tender kiss, which promises to turn passionate soon.

This is who she really is: a young, inexperienced girl in love with a younger boy- who gets flustered over reading a couple of chapters from a sex book after she got embarrassed from watching porn, because it was being too loud and the dialogue was too nasty for her innocent taste.

…And who still blushes a dark shade of crimson while kissing the guy she loves.