Everything was white.

He turned and turned, trying to find something, anything, but there was nothing.

A white figure stood opposite him, smiling and showing its big white teeth. He heard its laugh, it was walking towards him, laughing, laughing, laughing. At him.

"Hero of Ishval," it taunted him. "Hero of Murder." It laughed.

A massive Gate appeared behind him. It opened, black hands gripping his arms and legs and face and pulling him in - he could do nothing to stop it.

And then everything was black.

Suddenly there was a flash of light, and then his head hurt. It was getting overloaded with information. With visions, thoughts, knowledge.

It was over in a flash, and he woke up - but he'd woken up on dry soil, facing a fire.

Maes and Riza were opposite him, huddled in their beige coats - the ones they used to wear in Ishval. They were in Ishval.

The fire burned between them. This was their usual nighttime spot. The spot where they tried to get warm in the freezing cold weather, the spot where they reassured each other that they would make it out alive.

"We'll make it out of here, Cadet," Maes said, giving Riza a small, sad smile. Maybe he didn't believe it himself.

"We may, but a lot of people we know won't." Riza stared at him, frowning. "Sir, you're awake."

Roy blinked, staring at the small fire he'd lit in front of him, warming his face. Maes and Riza vanished, and suddenly the fire spread, surrounding him, and then he was snapping, again and again until everything was on fire, until buildings collapsed and the smell of rotting flesh was in the air - until the tormented screams of men, women, children, stopped.

And then everything was quiet.

"There can never be two Flame Alchemists."

Riza's voice startled him. He was in a tent. The smell of burning flesh was still in the air, on him. There was blood on his uniform.

"Burn it off me, sir."

Roy's eyes widened at the request. He saw the array on her back, the array that had damned so many people because of him. "I can't burn you, Hawkeye."

She turned her head to look at him, her eyes stoic, hardened by the death they'd witnessed, and caused. "Do it."

And then he snapped, until she, too, was screaming at his hand.

Roy woke in a cold sweat, shivering at the remnants of the nightmare in his mind. He turned onto his side and huddled further into his duvet, trying to calm his racing heart. The familiar nausea squeezed his throat but he pushed it down - breathing in, out, in, out.

It was sunrise. He was facing away from his alarm clock and couldn't bring himself to move, but he guessed it must be around 6AM. The sky he could see from the window was all pinks and yellows. A gorgeous summer sunrise, but it made Roy feel worse.

He'd seen plenty of gorgeous sunrises in Ishval.

He'd thought it would end. He'd thought that restoring Ishval would calm his mind, it would give him much needed closure and he'd repent for his sins. But it hadn't. While the nightmares weren't as frequent or as distressing anymore - the details of what he'd done fading in his mind as the years passed - they hadn't stopped.

Roy thought maybe they'd never stop. Maybe his punishment was to forever see the people he'd burned alive in his sleep.

The hallway light flicked on. Ed was awake too.

Did Roy's nightmare wake him?

He hoped Ed would just let him be. He was in no state to speak to him - to anyone. He wanted to be alone. It was bad enough that Ed had seen what his mind decided to punish him with this time. He didn't want Ed to see the effect it had on him too.

He didn't want Ed to see the way the high and mighty General Mustang was reduced to a nauseous, shivering bundle of blankets and duvet.

A shadow appeared under the door, blocking some of the light of the hallway. For a moment Roy thought Ed would knock, but he didn't. Instead, the shadow vanished from outside his door and he heard footsteps down the stairs, and then felt the tug in his chest. The tug got worse and worse until there was stab of pain, and Roy grit his teeth and squeezed his eyes shut, cursing Ed in his head.

What was he doing?

A few seconds passed where Roy was gritting his teeth and getting angry at Ed, but then the pain eased, became a tug, until it was no more. And he heard Ed plop back down on the mattress. Maybe he'd wanted food and didn't want to disturb him. Maybe he thought he was asleep and the stab of pain would be a fun way to wake him- no. No, Ed wasn't like that. He may dislike Roy, but even then he wasn't cruel like that. Ed was never cruel; cruelty seemed to be Roy's specialty.

The self-hatred wrapped around him like the black hands of the Gate. No, it was Roy who was cruel, who'd killed all those people. Ed was The Hero Of The People. He'd never killed, even when he could've. When it was deserved, when it would've been easier. He hadn't.

But Roy had killed, again and again, just because someone told him to.

His eyes burned with unshed tears of shame and self hatred but, abruptly, he remembered that Ed could feel his feelings through the bond - he could feel this. He held his breath as he scrambled to compose himself, rubbing at his eyes and focusing once again on his breath.

He stayed huddled in his duvet for a while. He didn't move an inch, just stared at the sky outside the window until it was a bright blue, until daytime had well and truly arrived.

Ed had barely moved from the mattress outside. Roy had wondered if he'd gone back to sleep, but every so often he would hear the whisper of a page turning. Ed was reading.

How was he meant to face him after last night?

Something had to be done about the dream sharing. Maybe they could take it in turns sleeping. That way, one of them would always be reading, while the other slept. They would have privacy. And then, the few hours in between when they were both awake they could complete errands.

He'd bring it up to Ed. He doubted he'd object. So far it had only been Roy dreaming, but it was only a matter of time before Ed had a really personal dream that Roy got to witness and he would understand. He would understand how violating it was.

He wanted a shower. But he didn't want to have to face Ed.

Sighing, he sat up in bed, rubbing at his eyes. Maybe if Ed was reading he could walk past without him noticing.

He threw on his sweatpants but didn't bother with a shirt, grabbing one instead for after his shower. He slowly opened his door, trying to be as quiet as possible. Ed was sitting by the door on the mattress, a book in his lap and his notebook on the mattress next to him. He did actually sense Roy, cause he looked up.

Those golden eyes had always been expressive. And right now, Roy watched as they quickly took in his naked torso, lingering on the large burn wound on the left side of his abdomen, before settling back on his face. The questions swimming in them, the concern in them, made him want to flee to the safety of the bathroom.

"Morning," Ed mumbled hesitantly.

"Morning," Roy threw back, and marched to the bathroom. When he shut the door, he leaned against it and sighed in relief. He could feel a tug in his chest, the stupid bond wanting them to be literally joined at the hip, but as he got into the shower, it faded away. Ed had come closer.

He took his time in the shower, letting the hot water calm him. He only exited when he felt composed enough to face Ed, to act normal.

Ed had indeed come closer; he was now sat on the floor by the bathroom door. Upon sensing Roy's exit, he said, eyes still on his book, "Just thought you'd want to enjoy your shower without the annoying tug in your chest."

A lump formed in Roy's throat. It was a nice, thoughtful gesture. He should feel grateful, but instead his gut twisted with unease. This was Ed. Ed didn't do nice, thoughtful things for him. This was wrong, and Roy couldn't help the small panic that this would make Ed act differently around him and he didn't know what to do. He didn't want anyone's pity, but certainly not Ed's.

"Stop overthinking it and just say thank you."

Roy swallowed and pursed his lips. "Thank you."

Ed nodded and stood, holding his book and notebook under his arm. "Can we go eat now? I'm starving."

Downstairs, they were quiet. Roy was making himself some much needed coffee and Ed was pouring cereal in a bowl. He was quite hungry too, but the thought of eating was off-putting, so he settled for his usual black coffee.

As he poured the dark liquid into a mug, he wondered when he and Ed had started having a comfortable silence between them. Because it was comfortable, even if Roy was overthinking about its reasoning.

There was a reason he was so good at planning, at strategy; his brain wouldn't shut off until it had every single angle possible.

And Edward Elric was a mystery to him that his brain needed to solve, to anticipate every possible action. But Edward Elric was also violently unpredictable.

"No uniform today?"

Ed breaking the silence had Roy on high alert. "No."

Ed leaned against the counter next to him, his cereal bowl in his hands. He smirked playfully, "Sounds like you're getting used to me." He was dressed in a casual tank top and grey pants, his hair in a ponytail, and Roy himself was wearing an old t-shirt and his sweats. He couldn't bring himself to put his uniform on today.

"I'm not in the mood, Fullmetal."

Ed's mouth was full of cereal as he said, "In the mood for what?"

Roy glared at him. "You."

Ed rolled his eyes, pushing off the counter.

They needed to talk about the dreams, he realised. This uneasy feeling, this apprehension he felt was because he didn't know what Ed thought. And he needed to know, so he could act accordingly.

He grabbed his coffee and sat at the kitchen table. "Not mentioning the dreams isn't working."

Ed had just taken a seat in the chair opposite, his eyes on his book while he spooned dry cereal into his mouth.

At Roy's words he paused, golden eyes flicking up to him. "What do you mean?"

Roy straightened in his chair, hands clasping around his coffee, schooling his face into a perfect blank mask. "There are obviously things you want to say and I can sense it; it's uncomfortable. So I'd rather we hash it out and get it over with."

Ed was quiet for a moment, his eyes staring at Roy, and it took every ounce of military training to not squirm under that golden gaze. "I just…" He paused, nibbling his bottom lip. "I naively thought it wasn't that bad." Then he hastily added, "Your dreams, I mean. I didn't realise you-"

"They're not as bad as they used to be."

Ed gulped, nodding. He was absently messing with his pen. "Hawkeye gave you your gloves?"

The image of her back flashed in his mind, the transmutation circle her father had tattooed onto her skin he had spent days deciphering. "Something like that."

Ed bit the inside of his cheek. "And you…burned her?"

He flinched, but he hoped Ed didn't notice. His gut twisted uncomfortably. "She asked me to."

He could feel Ed's confusion still, and he knew what he needed to know for it to make sense.

"The Lieutenant's father was my alchemy mentor. He started teaching me alchemy when I was sixteen; he'd spent his entire life working on fire alchemy. The circle on my gloves was his last discovery before he passed. Hawkeye entrusted it to me with the condition that I watch out for his daughter. She's like family to me." He paused, remembering that time in his life, and then he added, "She was never supposed to join the military, her father hated the military and wanted nothing to do with me after I became a State Alchemist. But I couldn't stop her, of course."

Ed was looking at him now, those sharp golden eyes digesting the information hungrily. He gave a small smile. "No wonder you let her whip your ass."

Roy mustered a small smile in return.

Then, his voice low, Ed said, "I didn't know you hated being called The Hero of Ishval."

Roy took a sip of his coffee, trying to give some normalcy to this absurd situation. He never thought he'd be having this conversation with Ed. "It is a misleading title." Hero of anything made someone think of brave acts, of the Hero saving others, doing good. But Roy was the Hero of a massacre.

"I always hated what people called me, I though it was a load of hypocritical shit."

Roy gave a wry smile. "At least you get called The Hero Of The People."

Ed winced, his fingers playing with the corner of his book. He was silent for a moment. "Do you think they'll ever stop?"

Roy frowned. "Titles like that don't just-"

"The dreams I mean."

Oh. Roy looked at his coffee. "No, I don't think they ever will."

Ed gave a slow nod of comprehension. Roy thought the conversation would end there, but he wasn't feeling satisfied. He'd answered Ed's questions, but he still had no insight into what he thought. What he thought of him.

"Do you think I'm a monster?"

The words were out before he could help it, and he watched as Ed's eyes widened. He stared at Roy as though he was seeing him for the first time, and it made Roy's stomach churn.

"I've met monsters, Mustang, and you're not one of them."

The relief he felt was embarrassing. Ed stared at him, his face deadly serious. He held Ed's gaze as the tightness in his chest eased the slightest bit, his eyes taking in his broad shoulders, the sharpness of his jaw, those beautiful golden eyes.

He shouldn't care so much about what Ed thought of him. He really shouldn't. But he did, even if Ed generally disliked him.

"Thank you."

A plate in front of him had Roy snapping out of his reverie, his thought drifting from soul alchemy as he looked up to find Ed eyeing him with a raised brow. He looked back at the plate, noticing the sandwich on it.

Roy blinked. Ed had made him a sandwich? With a small start, he realised it was nighttime outside. They'd accidentally skipped lunch.

"We both lost track of time, gotta eat."

After their morning conversation, they had settled into a surprisingly comfortable silence. Roy had to give it to Ed, he had been trying to be civil, and it was mostly working.

There hadn't been a screaming match yet and they were five days into this ordeal.

Roy had found a particularly useful book and he'd been furiously taking notes all day. Ed opposite him had started sketching various arrays around lunch time and had seemed to be in his own little world. For the first time since the bond, Roy didn't feel completely useless.

Roy stared at the sandwich with raised brows. "You made me a sandwich?"

Ed rolled his eyes and sat back in his chair, his own sandwich in his hand. "You get cranky when you're hungry and I can't deal with it." He shrugged. "Didn't wanna risk you snapping at me if I stopped your reading for you to feed me."

Trust Ed to do something nice for him and then explain it with insults.

Roy took a bite of his sandwich, his thoughts going to tonight. The clock on the wall told him it was already 9PM. He remembered that morning and how shitty it had been. He ideally didn't want a repeat.

"I think we should take turns sleeping."

Mouth full of sandwich, Ed regarded him. "So I don't see your dreams?"

"So we don't see each other's dreams."

Ed shrugged. "Sounds like a good plan."

Well, that had been easy. Roy thought through the particulars. Who would get to sleep tonight? It would be fair to let Ed have the nighttime since Roy was the one who wanted them to sleep at different times. He wasn't feeling that tired anyway. He wouldn't mind getting through the rest of this book tonight.

"You can have tonight, I'll sleep tomorrow morning."

When Ed did decide to go to bed at almost 10PM, Roy decided to bring his book and notebook in the hallway. He didn't want to read in bed for fear of falling asleep. He and Ed dragged the mattress into the spare bedroom once again, and Roy settled on the floor by the door.

It would be a long night. Not even half an hour had passed and yawns were interrupting his reading. He stayed strong.

When the clock showed midnight, he heard uneven footsteps from Ed's room, and the door opened. Roy looked up to see a very agitated Edward, dressed in only his boxers and blonde hair falling down past his shoulders. "I can't fucking sleep."

Roy regarded him, unimpressed. "Sounds like a you problem, Fullmetal."

"It fucking isn't, it's the bond."

Roy frowned, resting his book next to him. "Explain."

Ed lifted his right arm, once again reminding Roy of the alchemic tether between them. As if he ever forgot. "I can feel your energy through this, I can tell you're awake and it won't let me sleep."

"Try harder."

Ed scowled, glaring at him. "How about you try sleeping while I read?"

Annoyance bubbling inside him, Roy stood. "Fine."

Taking his books with him, he walked toward his bedroom, Ed behind him. The blond settled on the floor by his door, not bothering to get dressed. He flipped open a book and that was that.

Roy got himself into bed and tried his hardest to relax, but, to his dismay, Ed appeared to be right. He could feel an energy running through him from his left wrist that was keeping him alert.

His pride kept him from exiting the room and telling Ed he was right. He'd damn pretend to sleep. He could just rest his eyes.

He could feel Ed's slight annoyance through the bond. He could hear him turning pages as he read.

How long would they be like this?

While things hadn't been as explosive as Roy had been panicking they would be, Ed was still a thorn in his side he wanted to get rid of. Ed made him feel weird things no one had made him feel before. It was like a weird intimidation, an apprehension, a longing and hyperawareness blended into one big cocktail.

It felt dangerous. Ed was dangerous, and Roy refused to ponder why.

He refused, because deep down he was scared of what he'd find.

A/N Hope you're enjoying it so far! xx