Roy didn't sleep well if he wasn't in his own bed.

His sleep quality was mediocre at best, but if he was in unfamiliar surroundings it was downright dreadful. His body wouldn't relax; it remained on high alert, just in case something came at him from the shadows, just in case he needed to defend himself.

And considering his recent situation and the effect it was already having on his sleep, he knew sleep tonight would be a complete impossibility.

Alphonse had been kind enough to give Roy his bed, in the room he shared with Ed. He would be sleeping on the couch. The bedroom was small, with two single beds against each wall, a small bedside table between them with a lamp.

Ed walked in and quickly dumped his suitcase by the bed on the right, so Roy claimed the left.

Sleeping in unfamiliar surroundings, and in the same room as Ed. He wasn't sleeping tonight, even if he wanted to. Which he didn't, not really. He was still pathetically scared of his own dreams.

Roy took his time undoing his uniform jacket. Being alone with Ed was making him feel nervous again, and he didn't know what to say, so he remained silent. He couldn't help discreetly watching as Ed casually threw his tank top on his suitcase on the floor, and unfastened his belt. In a second his leather pants were off, and he was standing in his boxers.

The only light they had was the lamp in between the beds, and it cast a golden glow on Ed's body, shadowing his muscles and making his hair shine.

It was making Roy feel like a pervert.

He gulped, shrugging off his uniform jacket and slowly unbuttoning his shirt, noticing his hands were slightly shaky.

It felt too intimate, getting undressed in front of Ed like this. Even though Ed seemed completely unfazed as he focused on getting ready for sleep he wouldn't be getting.

Roy folded his shirt and hung it over the footboard, then started undoing his belt. He usually slept in boxers, but he couldn't do that now. Not with Ed in the room.

He quickly fetched his sweatpants from the suitcase, and quickly switched his military pants for them, hoping Ed was still distracted and wasn't staring at him like Roy had. This whole situation was inappropriate, going so strongly against the rules and boundaries Roy had set between them throughout the years.

"You need the bathroom?" Ed asked, his voice low and deep in the darkness of the night, and it made Roy's heart pound, goosebumps rising on his arms. It sounded intimate, too intimate.

"I'm okay," he mumbled, watching as Ed undid his braid and flopped on the bed.

Roy followed suit, pulling the covers over his body and trying to calm his racing heart. He didn't want Ed knowing how he felt, the weird effect he had on him.

He stared at the ceiling as he listened to the whispering of Ed's sheets as he got under the covers.

"Goodnight," Ed mumbled, reaching for the lamp between them. The room turned dark, the moonlight filtering in slightly through the blinds.

"Goodnight," Roy replied, turning onto his side so his back faced Ed.

This was going to be a long night.

A few hours later, Roy was predictably still wide awake, staring at the ceiling.

Every little noise in the house was keeping him alert. Hearing Ed's soft breaths was keeping him alert. Knowing Ed was so close, in the same room, was keeping him alert. He never slept around other people, not since Ishval, when they all slept in tents together.

And he was also anxious, knowing Ed was probably wondering why the hell they weren't sleeping.

At least he wasn't annoyed. The feeling that flowed through the bond felt more like resignation, and slight frustration. But not anger.

Ed heaved a quiet sigh, which sounded much louder in the dead of night, and Roy tensed. Would he say anything? Or would he pretend to sleep until morning came?

From the corner of his eye, he saw Ed turn onto his side to face him. "We're not sleeping, are we?" he mumbled. It was a rhetorical question; he sounded like he already knew the answer.

Roy swallowed, his muscles still tense. He kept his eyes on the ceiling. "I'm afraid not."

Ed huffed a heavier sigh, and turned onto his back. Then, he threw the covers off himself and sat up, making Roy turn his head towards him in curiosity. What was he doing?

His eyes followed as Ed grabbed his pillow and walked closer, standing over Roy's bed.

"Move over."

Roy's eyes widened, and he stared at Ed incredulously, a lump forming in his throat. "Go back to your bed, Fullmetal."

Ed's eyes narrowed, his bangs almost covering his face as he stared down at Roy. "Move. Over."

Roy was sure he'd stopped breathing as he and Ed stared at each other. The determination on Ed's face was causing Roy's heart to pound in his ears, anxiety causing his throat to squeeze. What was he doing?

Ed was going to give him a heart attack someday, he just knew.

Wordlessly, Roy scooted over closer to the wall, his brain not realising he'd followed Ed's order until it was too late. Ed got into bed with him, and Roy was suddenly struggling to take a full breath.

Ed lay down on his side, facing Roy, but Roy was adamantly lying on his back and staring at the ceiling, trying to steady his breathing. This was inappropriate. It was wrong.

He was so close he could smell him. The scent that was uniquely Ed, with a hint of shower gel. He knew that smell. Was Ed using his shower gel?

He was so close he could feel the heat that radiated off his body. Ed was burning hot, like a flame in the hearth next to him. It was making Roy feel overheated under this thin sheet that was covering them, not even a duvet.

He was so close—

Ed huffed a small laugh, and all of Roy's thoughts disintegrated. "I actually make you nervous?"

He said it with such wonder, as if he couldn't quite believe it himself.

Roy didn't bother denying it this time.

He was quiet for a moment, his mind racing, trying to understand why Ed had joined him in bed. What was he planning? Why was he in bed next to him and why had Roy even allowed it?

"It's wrong."

He saw Ed shift from the corner of his eye. "What is?"

This. Whatever this was. "You and me sharing a bed."

"We're not doing anything."

The implication in his words had Roy clenching his jaw as he tried to get himself under control, his mind giving him some very unwelcome images of what they could be doing.

His skin was on fire, everything was way too hot and his hands were itching to touch Ed's warm body next to him. Having Ed this close was dangerous, especially considering what happened last time he allowed Ed to get too close.

He kept his gaze firmly on the ceiling and his hands fisted in the sheet by his stomach, refusing to look at Ed lying way too close next to him. If he moved his arm just so, it would brush against Ed's naked chest.

Roy had shared a sleeping space with men before. He'd slept next to men in sleeping bags, in the tents, on thin, flimsy mattresses on the ground even. But he hadn't thought twice about it, because he'd had other things on his mind, like survival. And it hadn't felt like this, like something dangerous was brewing. Like if he looked at Ed he might have to fight with himself again.

"What's the scar on your side from?"

Roy blinked, momentarily surprised by the question. He turned his head to face Ed despite himself, curious to see the expression on his face. His golden eyes glinted in the low light of the moon, his face open and genuinely curious. He'd tucked his hands under his pillow, and some of his hair spilled over his shoulder.

"It's from when I killed Lust." He remembered the day, how he'd thought Havoc was a goner, how he'd been terrified for Hawkeye and Alphonse and had burned his wound shut in a last attempt to get to them before it was too late. How, for a moment, he thought he'd have to make some very hard decisions regarding people's lives.

"Al told me about that," Ed all but whispered, his gaze never leaving Roy's. "Is the scar on your hand from then too?"

Ed had noticed the faint scar on his hand? He'd etched the fire alchemy circle onto his bare skin after Lust had ripped his gloves to shreds, and used Havoc's lighter to burn her. To kill her. It was almost invisible now; the scars from having his hands impaled to the ground over a human transmutation circle were more prominent.

"Yes it is," he replied, his voice low.

"You protected Al that day," Ed mumbled, shifting to a slightly more comfortable position.

Roy was silent for a moment, staring back at Ed and seeing the gratitude on his face.

"What's the scar on your side from?" Roy asked him back, and watched as Ed's lips curled in a small smile of amusement.

"It's from when I didn't kill Kimblee."

Roy frowned in slight confusion, trying to remember a report he'd read about it or a conversation he'd had, and came up empty.

Ed saw the look on his face and continued, "I had a chance to kill him and I didn't, and he got me. Had this metal beam clean through my side, thought I was gonna die for a moment."

What? When had this happened? While he knew he hadn't exactly been informed of every single little thing Ed had done throughout the years, he'd thought he at least knew the big ones, like a near death experience. Was that why Ed had been declared missing for three months?

Trying to kill Kimblee, a military officer, would've been treason.

"Why was I never informed of this?" He voice came out more commanding than he intended, more General Mustang.

Ed scoffed. "Too busy planning to overthrow Bradley." He grinned. "I'm alive aren't I? You would've definitely found out if I'd died."

Dread squeezed Roy's gut at the thought. Ed had been that close to dying and Roy had been non the wiser? He didn't like the idea of him being so out of the loop, of Ed somewhere alone and bleeding out and Roy not knowing.

"Don't look so concerned," Ed said, a smile in his voice. "I'll start thinking you care."

Roy searched his face, trying to figure out if he was joking or if he really thought Roy didn't care. "I care enough to not want to see you dead."

Ed let out a small chuckle. "I'm touched."

Roy turned his head back to face the ceiling as he thought of what Ed had just revealed to him.

What else did he not know about Ed's life?

He realised he wanted to know everything. Every single little memory that Ed had Roy wanted him to describe it to him, explain his thoughts and feelings and see the effect it'd had on him. He had so many questions he'd been too much of a coward to ask. The thought of the two of them like this, talking through the night as Ed answered them made his chest squeeze.

He liked that thought. A lot. Too much.

"I don't know if I regret not killing him."

Roy turned his head again. Ed was avoiding his gaze, his eyes staring absently at his arm instead. He could see the thoughts whirling through his mind as he picked out what to say, and Roy stayed silent, listening.

"I hesitated at the last second, and I nearly died because of it. Kimblee…I think he deserved to die. I just couldn't do it."

Kimblee did deserve to die. He was an evil, sociopathic piece of shit who loved killing. Roy had thought countless times to burn him to death during the war, but of course he hadn't. That would've been treason. He wouldn't have judged Ed if he'd killed him when he had the chance. But he hadn't, and Roy was reminded once again that Ed was a much better person than he was.

At least he was dead now.

"Once you kill once, it becomes easier to do it again. Once you cross that line…" There was no going back.

He didn't want Ed to ever cross that line. He didn't want Ed to change at all, and killing someone would change him. It would kill a part of him too.

Roy felt Ed's hesitation through the bond, and as he looked at his face, he realised he wanted to say something but was hesitating.

"What is it?" he asked, his voice so soft it surprised him.

Ed took a deep breath before saying, "Have you ever…not regretted killing someone?"

Roy paused, and watched as Ed lightly worried his bottom lip, his golden eyes wide and hesitant. What was he expecting him to say?

He turned back to the ceiling, a shameful part of him wanting to avoid Ed's eyes. "I don't regret killing Lust," he answered finally. "And I don't think I would've regretted killing Envy either."

No, he didn't think he would've regretted killing Envy, but he would've regretted the consequences. Hawkeye being disappointed in him and seeing it in her eyes every time she looked at him, and Ed looking at him and seeing a cold-blooded murderer. He didn't want Ed to look at him like that, ever. He didn't regret not killing Envy either.

Ed didn't reply, and after a moment Roy felt him shift. When his chest touched Roy's arm and his cheek rested on his shoulder, he realised he'd come closer.

Roy's breath stuttered as Ed's warmth seeped into him, his hand resting on his bicep. His touch felt comforting, but Roy was frozen, tense, as he didn't know what to anticipate.

He never knew with Ed.

They stayed like that in silence, Roy trying to calm his breathing and his racing heart, and Ed absently caressing his bicep with his thumb. Did he realise what he was doing?

Not touching him was harder than it should've been. Not turning around and taking him in his arms, not taking those soft lips between his teeth, not grabbing a fistful of that smooth blond hair. It was all way too hard, and Roy gulped, letting out a quiet, shuddering breath.

What was wrong with him? Why did he want to do that?

He had to resist it, it was bad enough it had happened once already.

Ed's head turned, and he could feel his eyes on him. His hand left his bicep and travelled to his bare chest, and Roy lost the ability to breathe.

Could Ed feel what he felt right now? He scrambled to hide it, to get back to neutral ground but he couldn't. It was impossible to manipulate his emotions.

He turned his head despite himself, and Ed was way too close, his breath fanning his lips. Roy's focus was entirely on Ed's hand as it lowered to his abs, which were tense and frozen, like the rest of his body, and then reached the waistband of his sweatpants.

"I wanna make you feel good," he whispered, his fingers teasing the hem.

Roy's heart was pounding so hard he wondered if Ed could hear it. He could feel himself stiffening in his pants, his body anticipating what was about to happen — what it wanted to happen. His brain had shut down, its only thoughts being what Ed was planning, what he was doing, what he wanted to do. Ed's eyes were on his, and they were so close he could faintly see the gold in them in the moonlight. Roy realised he was panting, his short, shallow breaths hitting Ed's lips.

When Ed's hand dipped slightly under the sweatpants, a sudden panic gripped him.

"Edward, no," he gasped. In a second he had Ed's wrist in a death grip, and he'd flinched back, their faces no longer an inch away. His chest heaved with frantic, panicked breaths, and he realised his hand was shaking as he gripped Ed's wrist.

Ed stared at him as Roy turned away, facing the ceiling again and letting go of Ed's wrist.

"Okay," Ed said softly, retracting his hand.

Roy squeezed his eyes shut, trying to focus on his breathing so he didn't utterly embarrass himself and start hyperventilating. "Go back to your own bed, Fullmetal."

After a few beats of silence, Roy thought Ed was going to ignore him, but he felt him shift, a soft sigh escaping him as he got out of the bed. Taking his pillow with him, he made his way back to his bed, leaving Roy cold and alone.

Roy shivered despite himself at the sudden absence of Ed's warmth, and turned his back to him, pulling the sheet up to his chin.

And tried to get himself under control.