Ed walked into the office of General Mustang with mild apprehension.
He didn't even know why he was nervous. Yes, it had been five months since he'd last seen the bastard, but it wasn't like anything would've changed. He would still be met with that blank expression, somehow get insulted, and then he'd leave.
He was literally just here to tell him he was back in Central.
After the Promised Day he'd gone back to Resembool with Al. Mustang had been surprisingly nice about it, telling him to stay for as long as he needed to make sure Al was okay and to strengthen his right arm. Maybe he'd been feeling unusually emotional, what with his promotion to General and all.
What Ed hadn't been expecting when he walked in, was to see Mustang sleeping at his desk.
He paused at the threshold, and stared. After a moment of deliberation, he shut the door behind him and walked closer. He wasn't going to ponder the fact that his first instinct hadn't been to get Hawkeye, but to come closer and observe him.
No, he wasn't going to ponder that fact at all.
He stood right in front of the desk, closer than he'd ever been. He was so close he got a whiff of Mustang's scent. It made his mouth dry and his heart pound.
Five months. He hadn't seen or spoken to him for five months.
A lot could happen in five months.
He looked tired. The dark circles under his eyes made Ed frown. His skin was slightly paler than usual. His hair was messy, though that could also be the fact that he was sleeping at his desk, his head resting on his arms. The absolute mountains of paperwork around him made Ed wince in slight sympathy.
Surely being a General meant a lot more paperwork than a Colonel.
But why wasn't he sleeping?
It was a question he knew he'd never have an answer to. Really, he didn't know anything about Mustang. And he highly doubted he'd learn much, ever.
With that thought, he decided to stop postponing the inevitable and leaned forward, bringing his hand up to Mustang's temple. With a grin of anticipated amusement, he flicked him in the temple, making sure it hurt.
Mustang jerked up, eyes wide.
Ed raised an eyebrow at the state of him, keeping his face close. "Did I interrupt your beauty sleep?"
He blinked, looking a bit dazed. He recovered quickly though, he always did. "Fullmetal," he said, cleaning his throat and leaning back. "You startled me."
"I'm back from Resembool," Ed said, straightening his back and stuffing his hands in his pockets. He was still standing way closer than he usually would, but he couldn't bring himself to move back, not when he kept catching whiffs of Mustang's scent. Bastard smelled good.
"Evidently." Mustang eyed him up and down, that chilling gaze of his making Ed suppress a shiver. He hated that Mustang still had that effect on him.
He didn't even know why his body still responded like this; he had a feeling there wasn't much to him, not in a way that would make Ed able to picture a relationship. In the six years he'd known the man Ed didn't think he'd been in a single relationship. He was always pictured with the same rota of women. Hell, Ed couldn't even picture him in a casual setting. Mustang seemed too uptight, too serious. Ed even doubted he was capable of more than basic emotion.
No, that was a lie. He had seen glimpses of feeling, and it had sparked something in Ed's chest; a curiosity to know more. But it didn't matter. He and Mustang were the most improbable pairing in the world. Ed had accepted his feelings were just an appreciation of the bastard's looks. And that was it.
He was just one of those people, as loathe as he was to admit it. The bastard had plenty, anyway. Women. He had plenty of women.
Ed didn't even stand a chance, nevermind their weird history.
It was just impossible.
"You look like shit." Why aren't you sleeping? he wanted to say instead. But he didn't. The bastard was capable of even making fun of him for showing concern.
Mustang sighed. "It's good to see you too, Fullmetal."
Ed watched as Mustang sifted through the papers on his desk, probably trying to figure out what he'd been doing before he'd fallen asleep. He did look tired, goddamn it.
"You're lucky it was me that found you sleeping and not Hawkeye."
Mustang didn't reply to that, still organising the papers on his desk. After a beat, he asked, "How's Alphonse?"
Ed raised an eyebrow, trying to figure out his angle. "What's it to you?"
Mustang rubbed at his face and Ed actually felt a bit guilty. Maybe it had just been an honest question. "Just being polite, Fullmetal."
"He's fine," Ed said, and then realising how rude that sounded he added, "He's been studying alkahestry to pass the time. He wants to travel around Xing but I keep telling him it's too soon."
Mustang glanced up at him, a small, teasing smile on his lips. "You Elrics can't sit still, can you?"
And for some reason that had Ed's heart beating a bit faster than necessary.
It was still dark when Roy woke up. He didn't know why he'd woken up, really, because he'd been having a pleasant night's sleep.
And he'd been enjoying seeing Ed's dream.
It had felt like he was a spectator inside Ed's head, seeing himself from his eyes, listening to his thoughts, feeling his feelings as if they were his own.
This was the only time he could find out what went through Ed's mind.
And he didn't know what to think of it.
He squinted at the clock, illuminated by the moonlight filtering through the window. It was 5AM. He had a few hours before he needed to be at work.
His mind went back to the dream. Roy remembered that particular interaction. It was some months after the Promised Day. Ed had left for Resembool right after renewing his contract, and Roy had allowed it. He and Al more than deserved the break, and he knew no one would object to him taking such extended leave, not after being a national hero.
Roy had been exhausted, having dived straight in after his promotion and looking at rebuilding plans for Ishval. Spending so much time thinking of Ishval in his waking hours had triggered nightmares, but he'd pushed through. He'd only occasionally fallen asleep at his desk.
It was interesting to Roy, seeing that interaction from Ed's perspective. He had been having a very different experience.
He glanced at his bedroom door, knowing Ed was lying awake just beyond it. What was he thinking? He didn't seem embarrassed Roy had seen his dream.
It still felt new, that Ed didn't hate him.
It was almost funny, how he and Ed had been making out just a couple days ago—courtesy of the bond—and yet Roy was still stuck on the fact that Ed didn't actually hate him.
Perhaps it was because he knew Ed wanting to kiss him was the bond's influence, but Ed not hating him was actually him. Ed didn't hate him. If anything, the evidence pointed to caring about him.
He didn't know why he cared that much about it.
He was still thinking of that moment in his office when he drifted off again.
A sudden pain in his temple had Roy jerking up, eyes wide. His fingers had been ready, middle finger on his thumb—
Gold. It was the first thing he noticed as his eyes adjusted from sleep.
Golden hair, golden eyes, golden tanned skin.
Edward.
He was so close. Roy caught a whiff of his scent, he could see the freckles on his nose, hear his exhale—
"Did I interrupt your beauty sleep?"
Ed was looking at him with a raised eyebrow, unimpressed. Roy's mind stuttered as it took in the words. He was so close—
Roy blinked, trying to clear the haze in his head.
He was at the office. He'd fallen asleep at his desk. Shit.
"Fullmetal," he said, clearing his throat and leaning back in his chair. He needed to put some distance between them. He needed to compose himself. Ed was too close and it was making him uncomfortable. "You startled me."
"I'm back from Resembool," Ed said, with as much excitement as Roy would expect him to have about the fact; none at all. He straightened and stuffed his hands in his pockets.
It was at that moment that Roy took him in fully.
Ed's stunning golden eyes were as bright as ever. His blond hair was pulled up into a neat, tidy ponytail. And he was wearing a shirt. A white button up, slightly wrinkled from the train ride. His sleeves were carelessly rolled up to his elbows, and Roy took a moment to admire the sight of his tan forearms—both flesh.
It suited him. A lot.
His gaze lowered to his belt, and plain brown trousers. When he realised he was staring, he averted his gaze. "Evidently."
A beat of silence ensued, during which Ed observed him. Roy felt his eyes on him, and wondered what he was thinking.
"You look like shit."
Roy sighed, feeling deflated and also too deeply exhausted to hide it. Having war nightmares every night did that to a man. "It's good to see you too, Fullmetal." What a lovely reminder than Ed hated him.
He focused his attention on the papers on his desk, absently sifting through and organising them. But really he was just avoiding those golden eyes.
Ed scoffed. "You're lucky it was me that found you sleeping and not Hawkeye."
Roy didn't reply for several beats; he would usually come up with a witty comeback, perhaps twist Ed's words in some way to playfully insult him. Their usual routine. But right now, his brain still half asleep, all he managed was, "How's Alphonse?"
"What's it to you?"
Goddamn it, Ed. Roy let out a breath, rubbing at his eyes. He was so tired and Ed was being difficult already. "Just being polite, Fullmetal."
He would never say the right thing when it came to Ed anyway. His very existence seemed to irritate him. Roy didn't blame him; he didn't even like himself most days. He didn't even know why Ed had come to the office, he could've just called and avoided seeing him.
"He's fine," Ed said, keeping his gaze on Roy. But Roy was still stubbornly staring at the very interesting paperwork. "He's been studying alkahestry to pass the time. He wants to travel around Xing but I keep telling him it's too soon."
That made Roy's lips twitch up. He shot Ed a teasing glance. "You Elrics can't sit still, can you?"
He could've sworn Ed smiled back, just slightly.
Roy was in a contemplative mood today. Perhaps ruminating would be a more accurate word.
The walk to the office had been spent in mostly silence. Ed hadn't looked like he minded; he'd basically dragged his feet the entire way and heaved exaggerated sighs every few minutes. He looked tired, despite the fact that they'd slept.
Ed just really wasn't a morning person.
He'd wondered if Ed would say anything about the dreams. They hadn't had more than one in one night before, but last night Roy had ended up dreaming Ed's dream, or rather they'd dreamt of the same interaction. This was getting weirdly complicated to think about.
Roy debated broaching the subject, but he didn't know what there was to say. Sure, he could comment on how differently they'd lived that interaction, or perhaps he could tease Ed about caring if he slept or not, but he would only be lying to himself.
Because Roy wasn't in a teasing mood at all; Ed's dream, or rather, what Ed had been thinking about, had Roy deep in thought.
Ed seemed way more aware of him than Roy ever thought possible.
Roy had always thought Ed was a very straightforward person. Perhaps he'd assumed that, due to his brash nature, what Ed said would be what he thought. Roy didn't think he was capable of any sort of filter. Which was mainly why he had spent the past seven years practically convinced Ed hated him.
But Ed noticing he looked tired, wondering why he wasn't sleeping, being sympathetic over the amount of work he had to do…And perhaps the most shocking of all, Ed pondering Roy's relationship status?
He honestly didn't think he'd occupied more than a second of Ed's thoughts.
Though now he knew that wasn't true; Ed didn't only think about him, he'd touched himself while thinking about him. And Roy still couldn't think about that without getting a bit hot, even if it hadn't meant anything to Ed.
But what he was generally wondering was; maybe Ed was curious about Roy the way Roy was curious about Ed.
The moment the thought crossed his mind he dismissed it. No, Roy's Ed-specific curiosity was a weird thing that had been building over the past couple years without him even noticing.
When had it even started?
At first he hadn't even noticed something had changed. A question would pop up in his mind, and as long as it wasn't work-related, he'd dismiss it. He couldn't ask Ed personal questions like that anyway, he'd tell himself. They had all been so busy trying to prevent Father from getting his way that it had been easily dismissible.
But after a while, after the Promised Day had passed and things started to settle, he would look at Ed and the questions would burn inside of him, begging to be asked. And that was when he realised he had just turned into a coward.
He was a coward when it came to Ed. And he'd never pondered why, just ignored it, dismissed it. It was one of those weird things he had no answer to. It didn't matter anyway.
And now the dream had triggered this spiral, and it was another thing Roy didn't have the answer to. Why did he even care so much?
"I'm fucking bored out of my fucking skull."
Ed's voice snapped him out of his thoughts. They were in the office; Roy had been absently signing paperwork, his brain scanning the words subconsciously as he'd been lost in his thoughts, and Ed was on the couch.
He glanced up from the papers on his desk. Ed was lying on the couch, his notebook open on his chest and his head thrown over the armrest. He was glaring at Roy from his upside down view.
Roy arched a brow. "If you'd been a Colonel you could've helped with some paperwork." He looked back down, putting the paper in front of him in his completed pile. "You're useless to me as a Major."
Ed groaned in frustration and threw his notebook on the table. "This fucking array will be the death of me." He sat up, rubbing at his eyes in frustration. "I just don't fucking get it and it doesn't make any fucking sense and I've been staring at it for hours, to the point where I'm actually fucking bored."
Roy listened to Ed's rant and sighed. He looked at the clock; it was lunch time.
"How do you sit here all day?"
Roy rolled his eyes and stood. "Stop whining and let's go get food."
Ed didn't push for the cafeteria this time, and Roy was grateful. He didn't know where Hawkeye was; she wasn't at her desk so he assumed she'd already left for lunch along with the rest of them. He wasn't in the mood to hunt her down.
Roy led Ed to a small bakery near Headquarters he knew had amazing pasties. As they walked, he expertly scanned the crowd for prying eyes. People mostly weren't looking at them, too busy striding to wherever they needed to be. He caught the occasional glance here and there, but nothing much out of the ordinary. Roy generally got glanced at because of his uniform, and for who he was. He assumed the same went for Ed, whether he noticed or not.
Once they reached their destination, Roy halted in front of the door. "You stay here, and I'll go order." At least then they wouldn't seem like they were there together. It was the little things.
Ed frowned, hands stuffed in his pockets. "I wanna see what they have though."
Roy really wasn't in the mood for this. He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Then you go order, and I'll wait here."
Ed rolled his eyes, but he didn't seem to be in the mood for a fight either, because he simply walked in. He didn't even ask Roy for money.
Roy leaned against the wall next to the door and contemplated that for a moment. That Ed was, for some reason, willing to spend his money on him today.
Ed emerged from the bakery carrying a bag that smelled delicious.
He started walking with barely a glance to Roy, and Roy found himself following. He was acutely aware this wasn't the way back to Headquarters.
"Where are we going?" he asked, trying to appear nonchalant, but really he was only slightly on high alert.
"The park," Ed said, in a tone that offered no room for negotiation.
"Central Park," Roy said slowly, deliberately. What was Ed thinking? Central Park, in the middle of the day. "And you think that is a good idea, why?"
A flicker of annoyance zapped through the bond, and he cast a side look at Ed. He was scowling. "I don't want to have lunch in that fucking office."
Roy pursed his lips. Ed was on the very precipice of being difficult and Roy really wasn't in the mood. He would try to reason with him. "You know why we need to stay in the office. People will see us."
Ed was gritting his teeth, and the irritation he could feel through the bond was getting more intense. "Is it really that bad being seen with me?"
Roy narrowed his eyes at him. Yesterday he was finding this funny and now he was annoyed by it? "This has nothing to do with you and you know it."
"Like fuck it doesn't."
Roy exhaled harshly. So much for trying to reason with him. "I would react exactly the same if I were soul bonded to anyone else." As he said it, he realised it was a lie.
"Even Hawkeye?"
Roy stopped walking, frowning at Ed. He was extremely aware they were in public right now, close to Central Park. The last thing he needed was to get Ed mad enough to yell and draw attention to them.
Ed stopped walking too, turning back to glare at him.
"Hawkeye is a woman, Fullmetal. I would still try to avoid any fraternisation rumours, of course, but it wouldn't be as damaging as—"
"As people thinking you're fucking me?"
He paused, staring at Ed glaring at him in silence. He had a feeling that whatever he said right now wouldn't have any positive effect on Ed's mood whatsoever.
"Let's just go eat. Perhaps some food will improve your mood."
Ed growled, the annoyance turning to anger, and Roy closed his eyes, waiting for the explosion.
It didn't come.
Instead, he felt a tug in his chest and saw Ed striding away from him, towards the park. Roy followed, albeit a bit hesitantly.
They hadn't spoken of what had happened two days ago before Hawkeye had knocked on his door. He'd thought that perhaps they never would; that it would be something they silently agreed never to mention again. But it was becoming a bit obvious to Roy that it had been on Ed's mind.
Not that it hadn't been on Roy's, but he'd at least put it to rest. What happened, happened. And it would never happen again. No point discussing it, right?
Ed claimed a bench under a tree, and took his pasty out as though Roy didn't exist. Roy took a seat next to him anyway. Just as he'd been wondering if maybe Ed had decided not to spend his money on him after all and Roy had no lunch, Ed threw the bag into his lap.
He refused to look at him, eating his lunch in silence. Roy decided it was for the best, and began eating his too.
The park had been a good idea, the risk of being seen notwithstanding. The summer breeze was a lovely change from the stuffy office, the fresh air making him feel calmer. Roy had always loved summer; he much preferred it to cold and rainy winters. But his hatred of rain wasn't surprising, really.
The silence stretched on for a few minutes, during which Roy was monitoring the bond—monitoring Ed's emotional changes.
"Why did you go back to work?"
Ed was looking at him now, his face guarded. He was still annoyed at him, but it was now mixed with something more resigned.
Roy frowned. "I couldn't possibly let the paperwork pile up any more than it already has."
Ed eyes surveyed him, trying to find a crack in his mask and see what Roy really thought. But he wouldn't find one. He would never know that Roy had reached a point where he didn't even trust himself alone in his house with Ed.
Ed's face was blank, if not slightly contemplative. "Or do you just need a weird barrier between us?"
Roy froze. His eyes widened the tiniest bit, giving away his surprise, but he caught it in a second, immediately schooling his expression back to neutral. "Not everything I do is about you."
"But this is."
Roy didn't like where Ed was going with this. He didn't like it at all. And worst of all, they were in public. Children and families and teenagers were around—anyone could overhear them. He thought to make Ed aware of the fact, but he didn't want to provoke him right now. Knowing Ed, he would stand up and yell to anyone who would listen that Roy had kissed him—more than once. Just to spite him.
This was bad. Ed had power over him now, and Roy didn't even know when he'd relinquished the control. It had just happened.
Damn bond.
Ed held his gaze unflinchingly, and determination shone through those golden irises. It put Roy on edge.
Ed didn't let Roy reply. "And it's also why you mostly avoid talking to me in the evenings, when we're back home."
A tiny part of Roy's brain noticed how Ed had referred to his house as home, but a larger part of him was preoccupied with figuring out how to best get Ed off his case.
"We need to keep things professional, Fullmetal. It's nothing personal." A pathetic attempt, truly.
Ed raised a brow, turning back to the pasty in his lap. "Well, leaving a hickey on my shoulder isn't very professional, but you did that, so."
A zap of electricity ran through Roy. Perhaps panic, perhaps something else, he wasn't sure. But his brain had stopped and—what?
His eyes went downwards of their own accord, and he tried to find it, tried to see if Ed was lying or if Roy really had left a hickey on his shoulder and he didn't even realise and Ed was wearing a tank top—
"It's mostly gone now, no need to panic," Ed said, in a voice that was way too calm for the situation at hand. He stuffed the last bite of the pasty into his mouth, looking over at the kids playing on the swings.
Roy was absently aware he probably looked like a fish out of water at the moment. He shut his mouth, and turned away from Ed. He needed to get a grip.
Silence stretched on between them, and he heard Ed sigh next to him. What was he thinking? Why was he so determined to bring up their indiscretions?
Maybe he thought that was the way to break the bond.
It would make sense, actually. The woman, Shan, had said they had been resisting the pull between them and that was why they hadn't yet broken the bond. Perhaps Ed thought they needed to…give in.
Roy didn't ponder what that would entail. He would just stress himself out and perhaps feel something inappropriate and Ed would know.
"I really didn't want this, you know."
Roy looked over at Ed again. His previous annoyance had gone away completely, in its place a quiet, contemplative resignation. He was staring down at his hands in his lap.
"Want what?"
"To want you."
Roy's breath got caught in his throat. His heart pounded a bit faster in his chest, and he couldn't tear his eyes away from Ed. "You only feel that because of the bond."
Ed was silent for a second, and Roy simply stared, heart in his throat. He stared at Ed's braid, draping over his shoulder, the slight downward curve of his lips that showed his displeasure. He stared and he was aware of Ed again, and then Ed looked back at him, and those golden eyes truly were beautiful.
Ed gave him a sad smile. "We want what we want, I guess."