Ed stared at him, eyes wide in bewilderment. His mouth opened a couple times, but both attempts at speaking failed.

Finally, he said, "I…hadn't thought of that."

Roy took a deep breath. He had half been expecting Ed to immediately refute the possibility, offering very plausible reasons that wouldn't have even occurred to Roy, but no. Ed hadn't thought of the possibility.

And that made it seem like there was hope. Hope that Ed could have his alchemy back, even for a little while.

Roy glanced at the clock. It was nighttime now, the sun having set a couple hours ago. The air suddenly felt more intimate than it had when they had been talking about the array. Ed stared at him in wonder, in confusion, in contemplation, and Roy let himself stare back. He could see the cogs turning in his brain as he thought about whether this would be possible, could almost see the alchemy he was mentally drawing in his brain.

"Try it," he found himself saying. His voice was softer, a lower volume than it had been moments before. The electricity between them felt palpable, the hope and hesitation about whether Ed would clap and he'd feel the tingle of alchemic energy affecting both of them equally. There was a smidge of fear among them too.

Fear that it wouldn't work. Fear of disappointment.

Ed chewed on his bottom lip, waves of hesitation flowing through the bond. He averted his gaze, and let out an empty laugh. "If I clap and nothing happens I'll just look stupid."

Roy frowned. "It's just me," he said softly, realising that sounded a bit too intimate. "No one is around," he amended.

Ed was so close to him, sitting next to him at the table. He could feel the warmth of his body, he could see the small lines in his forehead from constantly frowning, the small movement of his lips as he pursed them in apprehension.

He wanted Ed to have his alchemy back. And he wanted to be the person to give it back to him. If he could do that for Ed…

He placed Ed's pencil in front of him. Ed took a deep breath and looked back at him. Roy saw the hesitation in his eyes. He was scared—scared of disappointment, of feeling like he'd lost his alchemy all over again.

Maybe Roy shouldn't have mentioned it—no. No, Ed deserved to know the possibility was there, he deserved to try, even if it led to disappointment.

Ed exhaled roughly, and straightened. He brought his hands close together, not yet clapping. "Here goes nothing, I guess." He clapped and placed one hand on the pencil and—

Nothing.

Ed huffed a small, pathetic laugh, but the spark of sadness through the bond made Roy's chest constrict. "I guess even when me and Al had been connected we were still using our own Gates for alchemy."

Roy didn't bother hiding the disappointment from his face. "There could still be a way, somehow."

"It's fine."

Roy pursed his lips. It wasn't like Ed to not seek out a way to get what he wanted. "Don't you miss it?"

Ed shrugged, a small smile on his lips. "Of course I do, but I missed looking at Al even more. A whole lot more."

Of course. Ed valued his family more than alchemy. Roy had always viewed Ed as the epitome of an alchemist; alchemy was something so fundamentally Ed it seemed wrong for him not to have it. But Ed put his family first at all costs, even if that cost him a fundamental part of himself.

A warm fondness spread inside him as he looked at Ed's smiling face. Ed was rare. A person so intelligent, so courageous, so selfless, with a sense of right and wrong so strong it dictated his entire life—

No, Ed wasn't just rare. He was one of a kind.

Ed's eyes softened and his smile grew, and Roy wondered if it was in response to his emotion.

"I'm happy," Ed said, "I don't want to complicate things just for a slim chance I could transmute again." He gave Roy a small fist bump on his bicep and smirked. "Besides, you said it yourself, I can't have everything I want."

Ed was happy. That was all that mattered. And yet Roy found himself saying, "I want you to have what you want," and he wasn't sure he was talking entirely about alchemy anymore.

Ed cocked his head as he regarded him, his face suddenly serious. "I want you to have what you want too."

Roy was shaking his head almost automatically. "I don't deserve to have what I want."

His admission surprised him.

It was true, of course, but he had never said it out loud before. Hadn't even really outrightly admitted it to himself.

Ed's expression was serious, his eyebrows furrowed. Through the bond he felt Ed's annoyance, and something in his chest squeezed viciously. He would never not annoy Ed, would he?

He clenched his teeth against the hurt that sparked inside him unbidden. There was no point feeling that way. "Why are you annoyed at me this time?" he asked flatly, his tone sarcastic enough to cover up the hurt.

Ed's frown deepened. "I'm not annoyed at you."

Roy narrowed his eyes at him. "No point denying it, I can feel it." Now he was getting annoyed, and he remembered the unfairness of this morning. "My whole existence seems to annoy you. Getting angry at me over my dream, how was that fair?"

Ed's eyebrows rose; he seemed bewildered. "It was the dream the pissed me off, not you. And right now, I'm really fucking pissed off that you think you don't deserve to be happy."

Roy glared at him. Ed had no right to be getting angry at him for things he'd decided about himself and his life. It was none of his fucking business.

Before he could come up with a scathing retort, Ed stood, and the feeling of his warm hand on his nape startled him into silence. Ed roughly pulled him closer, and brought his forehead against Roy's own. Roy stared into his eyes, his own blown wide.

"You're not pure destruction, goddammit," Ed hissed, the gold in his eyes glinting with anger. Roy's throat closed up. That was what he was angry about? "The alchemy you specialise in is part of you, but it isn't who you are."

Roy had been stunned into silence. Ed was so close, and his heart was going to beat out of his chest.

Of course Ed would believe that now; he went from having alchemy as part of his identity, to not having alchemy at all. Perhaps part of his rehabilitation process after the Promised Day would've been rediscovering who he was—without alchemy. And maybe that had made the distinction between identity and alchemy clear.

Roy had never seen his eyes up close before, not like this, and he found himself studying the golden specks around his irises, the way his pupils dilated, his long black eyelashes—men weren't allowed to have such beautiful features.

Ed wasn't allowed to be so breathtakingly beautiful.

"Ed…" His voice was barely a whisper. He didn't know what to say—what could he say, when Ed had just taken a very fundamental belief Roy had about himself and just flat-out said no?

His hand lifted, on its own accord, and rested on the side of Ed's neck, his thumb stroking the smooth skin of his jaw—and Ed titled his head, just so, and then Roy's hand was almost fully around his throat, and he could feel Ed's warm, steady pulse through his palm.

Roy was panting.

For Ed to let himself be in such a vulnerable position, to bare his throat for him like that, to allow Roy to have his hand over his major artery—a hand that had caused so much pain and destruction…

Ed trusted him.

Ed's eyes glazed over, and he licked his lips. "You like choking me?"

"You trust me not to choke you," Roy replied, his voice low and breathless.

Understanding flooded Ed's eyes, and he wrapped his free hand around Roy's wrist. His fingers dug into his nape as he pressed his forehead harder against his. Their noses were almost touching. "I trust you with my life. You know that."

Did he? Did he know that? Roy gently shook his head. "You shouldn't."

Ed's eyes narrowed. "Why? I know you'd save me if you had to."

Roy opened his mouth. "I…" I would die for you. It was on the tip of his tongue, and it terrified him. Because it was wholeheartedly true.

Without a shadow of a doubt, he would never let anything happened to Ed. Not as long as he was alive.

But that wasn't it. Roy didn't trust himself. He was a weapon. He'd made himself into a weapon. He'd seen first hand what he was capable of; he needed to keep himself in check, for he knew what lurked underneath the put-together exterior. Ed had seen what happened when his control slipped, when he was consumed by hatred and bitterness. He turned into a monster.

A beat of silence felt like eons as Ed stared into his eyes. "Doesn't me trusting you with my life tell you something about yourself? About how I see you?"

Roy tried to swallow the lump in his throat. "I could still accidentally hurt you. It only takes one moment—"

"I don't trust just anyone with my life, Mustang."

Ed was strong enough to incapacitate him if Roy took it too far. He had to trust Ed to do that like he trusted Hawkeye to shoot him. Alphonse had been right to warn him; he was definitely capable of hurting Ed.

Ed pulled back, Roy's hand unwrapping itself from his neck and falling in his lap. He found himself gazing up at Ed from his seat, his body humming with the desire to close the new distance between them. His whole body had responded to Ed's proximity—some parts more embarrassingly than others.

He shifted in his chair and cleared his throat, awkwardly averting his gaze. This was certainly not what Ed had meant to do to him, but lately all Roy's body had been doing was betraying him.

He stood, focusing his attention on grabbing the dirty dishes around the table and depositing them in the sink. "It's late, we should—" He cut himself off, hesitating for a second as he looked at Ed watching him like a hawk. "We should get some sleep," he continued lamely.

He made no move to leave the kitchen, however, and Ed stared at him almost statue-like by the table, his golden eyes piercing and freezing him on the spot. The silence between them was loud, and Roy could feel something brewing, something unspoken, dangerous. It was making him unable to take a full breath.

"For the record," Ed broke the silence, and Roy held his breath, braced himself— "I don't regret it either."

Roy stood leaning against the counter, unable to utter a single word. His brain, once so adept at providing him with the perfect words at the perfect time, had turned into a pile of mush as he stared at Ed's blazing eyes.

He knew what he was referring to. Of course he did, but for a split second he considered playing dumb. But that wouldn't work. Not against Ed; he had a very low tolerance for dumb.

"Good to know," Roy mumbled, absolutely pathetically.

One side of Ed's lips twitched up, but he stifled it just in time. He nodded. "Wanted to say it, just in case." He gave Roy a pointed look. "You overthink a lot."

Roy simply nodded.

Neither of them moved. Roy was starting to feel fidgety. He didn't know why Ed was staring at him so intensely, he didn't know why it seemed like he was waiting for something. What was he waiting for?

What was he thinking?

Ed cocked his head, and his eyes glinted in amusement. "Do you really wanna know?"

Had Roy actually asked—

Embarrassment seared through him, but he couldn't take it back now. He faced Ed's gaze head on, acting like he'd been meaning to say that out loud. He tried to ignore the way his heart was pounding. "I wouldn't have asked if I didn't."

Now Ed was smiling, but there was a predatory edge to it. He casually sauntered over to Roy, and Roy straightened, tried to compose himself. He wouldn't let Ed get the best of him.

Ed only stopped when he was right in front of him, until their chests were inches away from touching. It was way closer than it was appropriate for him to be, but not as close as he had been minutes ago.

Roy found himself pressing his lower back into the counter—a small, useless attempt to hide his arousal.

Ed's hand on the hem of his sweatpants startled him; he'd been looking so intensely at his face, he hadn't seen his hand move.

"I wanna return the favour."

Roy swore his heart stopped. Words fully deserted him. His eyes focused on Ed's mouth, and he felt himself get harder at the thought—

Ed pushed closer, until Roy's arousal was deemed undeniable. "Do you want me to?"

"We shouldn't," was all Roy managed.

"But do you want to?"

Roy clenched his teeth, a battle raging inside of him. God, he wanted— "We discussed this. It doesn't matter what I—"

"It matters to me," Ed growled, his fingers fisting Roy's sweatpants, and Roy could only stare at the heat in his golden eyes, the beginnings of a scowl furrowing his brow. "It really fucking matters to me."

His list was sitting upstairs, his notebook thrown haphazardly back into his bedside drawer, and Roy tried to think, to remember all the reasons he'd written why this shouldn't happen but—

"Yes," Roy blurted, and immediately his face burned at the admission—the shame he felt for wanting this, for indulging in that want—

Ed's hand was in his sweatpants in a second, and when his warm hand fisted his cock, his grip so demanding, almost possessive, Roy's breath stuttered rather obviously.

Ed pumped him torturously slow. His free hand dipped under his shirt, and trailed upwards to his chest, teasing, caressing, and rested over his heart. Roy was struggling to take a full breath, his hands gripping the edge of the counter behind him like it was his last tether to sanity.

Ed's lips twitched upwards in amusement. "Your heart's pounding."

"You—" He wasn't sure what he was about to say, his mind's thinking ability kept getting interrupted by the sparks of pleasure Ed was eliciting with his hand. It was too slow, he needed—

Ed chuckled, and lowered himself to his knees. Roy could only stare, wide-eyed, his lips slightly parted as Ed looked up at him and grinned. In one fluid motion, he'd pulled his pants down, his cock springing free, and then Ed's hand wrapped around the base and his mouth around the tip—

Oh, he was stunning.

And just like that Roy could no longer produce a single coherent thought.

He simply watched as Ed took more of him into his mouth, his lips sucking, his tongue licking, his hand pumping. Roy's grip on the counter tightened as sparks of pleasure zapped through him, and he made a mental note to keep his hands there, to grip the edge of the counter so hard to keep himself under control—

But then his right hand was pulling Ed's hair tie out and fisting in his silky blond hair, and fuck all he wanted to do was thrust.

Ed glanced up at him as he bobbed his head, eyes glinting in what Roy managed to identify as amusement, and he hollowed his cheeks—

"Ed," Roy groaned; it was a strained, guttural sound he would vehemently deny later, but just the sight of Ed's reddened lips around his cock was making his whole body malfunction quite severely.

He didn't think he could get any harder than this. He was throbbing in Ed's warm, wet mouth, and it was taking all the counter gripping he could manage not to thrust, not to come.

Ed hummed, the sound reverberating all the way through his body. He pulled back, his lips glistening, and his tongue licked up the wetness on his lips quite efficiently—

And then it dipped into the slit of his cock, swirling around the tip, and Roy whimpered.

This was torture. Agony. And it felt so good.

His entire body was throbbing, this desperate need thrumming through his veins, and the kitchen table was just right there, and Roy wanted to pin Ed down and—

Ed took more than half his length into his mouth, and started sucking faster, harder, bobbing his head and groping his ass with his hands, and Roy's hips were thrusting slightly despite his resistance, but he was so close.

His grip on Ed's hair must've been painful by now, and Roy tried to ease it, to make sure he didn't hurt him, but his hips flinched and his breath left him in a gasp as the pleasure reached its peak, and his grip on Ed's hair tightened.

"Ed," Roy panted urgently as the waves of pleasurable agony coursed through his body, his hips jerking and Ed catching them just in time. It was the only word on his mind as he rode out his orgasm.

Ed. Ed. Ed.

Ed continued his sensual torture, sucking every last drop of Roy's orgasm out of him, and his body was tingling, waves of heat rippling through him. It took every ounce of whatever control he had left not to moan.

Ed's perfect, soft lips were so red, and Roy's face was burning—and it was embarrassing, but Ed's expression was so sultry and tantalising as he gazed up at him Roy couldn't bring himself to look away to hide his face.

Ed stood, and Roy just stared at him stupidly, his breath shallow, his hands shaking, his body throbbing to the rhythm of his heart's pounding. "You," he breathed. "You will be the death of me."

Ed's glistening, swollen lips curled into a smirk. His hands dipped under his shirt again, roaming over his chest, and if he could feel his heart pound before he could definitely feel it now.

Ed's arousal pressed against his thigh, his teeth nipped his ear, and Roy took a split second to wonder how long he had left before his heart gave up.

His hands came to rest on Ed's hips, pulling him closer like the traitors they were, but Ed pulled back. He pulled so far back Roy couldn't feel his body heat anymore, and his hands felt bereft as they gripped the cold counter once again.

Ed's smirk widened as he admired his handiwork—the damage to Roy's entire being. "Guess that's one way to make you lose composure."

Roy was positive his face was an unattractive, blotchy red, but in that moment perhaps he was so embarrassed his entire face had decided to turn red for once.

Ed looked at the clock and hummed. "We better go sleep or you'll be bitching at me at work tomorrow."

How—

How could he just—

He was doing this on purpose.

That evil, smug glint in his eye—Roy had seen that before. He looked way too satisfied with himself.

Ed was plotting something, and Roy had perhaps fallen right into a trap.