In the dark of the night my mind raced. Every minor creak of the house, every slight noise sent my heart racing. Memories of Jame's attack assaulted my brain as I lay helpless in the dark. I had seen what one angry vampire was capable of, and he was just one vampire who happened to be slightly insulted by Edward protecting me. I tried to imagine Edward in such a fashion, attacking me the way James had done. I couldn't see it, not Edward. He's too gentle, too kind. I truly felt that he believed that he loved me. He had told me once that I was his first love, just like he'd been for me. Of course his first break up would be hard. The sooner he moved on, the better. For both of us. My thoughts drifted to Jessica. She's vibrant and bursting with sunshine, no one can be morose around her for long. If Jessica could pull it off and win Edward over I had no doubt that she would be the very best thing for him. That she would free him from the emotional torture he inflicts on himself on a daily bases, something I clearly wasn't strong enough to do. The note was just a… poorly thought out cry for help. If I had been the one who had been dumped I'm sure I would have probably taken it pretty hard, too. I couldn't imagine being over a hundred and having to face my first break up. I closed my eyes and resolved to behave better and make this break up as easy as possible for Edward as I finally drifted to sleep.
I woke up to a rare sight, the sun shining brightly through my bedroom window. I had apparently slept in. A shower and change of clothes later I came downstairs to find Charlie had already left for work, but he had taken the time to lug in all the books I had bought and placed them on the kitchen table. Touched by his thoughtfulness, I grabbed an empty laundry basket and used it to carry all the books upstairs to my new shelf. Content to have something to occupy my mind, I spent the next two hours or so blissfully organizing my new hoard. I had started in on the tote bag of romance novels from the little bookstore when I found the two flyers Diane had given me. I skimmed through the information about the bi-weekly Saturday meetings. It had the month's calendar stapled to the back, apparently there was going to be a meeting this weekend to vote for the next book. I certainly had quite a good amount of reading material for now, but I couldn't help but be intrigued by the notion of a book club. It really couldn't hurt to check it out. I desperately needed a distraction, a reason to occasionally get out of this town once in a while that didn't involve a whole lot of shopping. As it happened, I was scheduled to work the next three days and would have Saturday and Sunday off. Assuming Mike doesn't ask me to cover another shift. He really was kind of bad about just calling off and giving his parents almost no warning. Well, I'm a new Bella now. An assertive Bella, a take no more shit Bella! I couldn't help but giggle a little at the thought of me asserting anything, though I wasn't inclined to do any favors for Mike after what he'd done to Jessica. I still remembered that night all too vividly. I lightly shook my head, banishing the memory. I folded the flier and calendar neatly and placed them on top of the bookshelf and resumed my organizing. I was cheered by the idea of having my weekend planned, but that did nothing to make tomorrow easier. I had to go back to school eventually, and that meant that I would have to face Edward and his family. It didn't help that Edward and I had almost every class together and that we sat beside each other for all of them. All I could do for now was hope that Jess started working her feminine charms early, and that Edward didn't pick up too much of our conversation from her mind. I peeked over at the bouquet of roses I had stuffed into my bedroom trash can last night, Jess had her work cut out for her.
With my books organized and a few hours to kill before I started dinner, I decided to call my mother. I grabbed a Dr. Pepper from the fridge, sat on the couch with my legs curled and dialed her number on my cell phone. After about three rings she answered. "Hey Mom, it's Bella." I began.
"Oh, hi honey! How are you, baby girl? Your dad told me about your break up. I'm sorry it didn't work out." I was a bit shocked that Charlie and Renee were on gossiping terms now. I wondered who else Charlie told?
"Well, like I told you Mom, it was just a crush." I really couldn't think of any other explanation to give her. I cracked open the can and took a sip.
"Oh honey, there had to be more to it than that. He's so handsome and well-to-do and honestly, honey, I just don't see you ever getting that lucky again. Are you sure you really want to just let Edward go?" I sighed. Renee never made her surprise over a 'plane-jane' like me bagging Edward a secret. Everytime I expressed frustration about him to her she would just remind me how far out of my league he was and that I should just feel lucky for however long it lasted. Like I need any reminders. Moments like these are what remind me of why I ultimately chose to move in with my dad.
"You don't know him the way I do, Mom. We just aren't compatible." I really did not want to have this argument with her now.
"It's just that you're so much like your father. I just really want you to think this through honey, I just don't see you finding love like that again. Actually, I kind of figured he would break you into a thousand pieces. I mean really dear, why don't you call him and apologize? He seems really crazy about you for the moment, I'm sure he'll forgive you if you tell him you were just hopped up on hormones."
I was really regretting the phone call now, though I knew she would have just called me eventually anyway. "Mom, didn't Dad tell you anything about why I broke up with Edward?" I really didn't want to rehash all of this again, but she really wasn't giving me much of an option.
"Well, yeah, sort of. From a father's point of view anyway. He felt that Edward was a bit too controlling and clingy and that you felt that you were being suffocated. He also said he suspected that there was a lot more to the story than what you've been telling us. Your father's become quite the conspiracy theorist, actually!" She chuckled, "He didn't want me to say anything to you but he's adamant that there was more to that bad fall you had before the summer. Oh Bella dear, he's so sure that there's some great big conspiracy behind you and Edward dating, it's quite funny actually. He really has been Chief of Police for far too long!" Renee was clearly amused but I was not. I could feel the blood drain from my face with every word.
"Yeah, th-that's s-so silly, Mom. What exactly is it that he's been s-saying?" I tried desperately to keep my tone light.
"Oh, honey. It's just so sad for a grown man to be wrapped up in his own imagination like this! Get this dear, he swears that nothing has added up since you left for your first date with Edward. He said one minute you were introducing your first boyfriend to him, going to play baseball of all things during a thunderstorm, then you came home in such an uncharacteristic tizzy. Slamming things, packing, saying you were done with both Edward, him and Forks. He was certain Edward had to have done something to upset you. Then you ran off in the dead of night to come home to me and not even a few days later he gets a call that you're in an absolutely terrible state in the hospital and that Edward is with you and his doctor father happens to also be in the same state and is tending to you! Then he says you did a 'complete one eighty' and demanded to come back home to him! He says there's no way you just fell out of that hotel window, that your injuries 'just didn't add up', as if you would lie about it! I'm sorry dear but you really are the worst liar I've ever seen. Oh and he's very suspicious of how close you and Edward had seemed to be afterward, he felt that you both were way overly attached to an 'unhealthy' degree. He complained that Edward and his family were the only people you were willing to talk to anymore. Really dear, the man is delusional and I fear spending all those years as a single bachelor have finally made him crack. Which I'm afraid may happen to you if you don't wise up and beg Edward to take you back!"
I felt faint listening. How much had Charlie figured out? What in the hell would he even do about it? "Yeah, I'll think about it. Mom, I've got to go now. I'll call you again later, okay?" I barely waited for my mother's cheerful goodbye before flipping the phone shut. I had no idea what to do. If Edward finds out Charlie's suspicions… I couldn't even think of it. Would the Cullens just leave? Quietly disappear? That would be the best case scenario though I honestly doubted they would, or at least that Edward would. I had a great love and respect for the Cullen clan but I had to admit, they kind of did everything backwards. They way overthought everything they did, to an almost ridiculous degree. Like, hiding in a small, rural town to avoid attention and all of them repeating high school every ten or twenty or so years, even though most of them were around twenty when they turned. I couldn't help but believe that there were a thousand better ways to hide in human society than that, and I had even brought up the subject to Edward once before, though it only enraged him at the time. I shivered remembering how close he had come to losing his self control then. It was hard to believe there was a time I wanted to become one of them, but that day had definitely changed my mind. Uhg, focus Bella! I took a healthy drink of soda to clear the clutter of my mind. Charlie may have his suspicions, and God only knows who else he's voiced them to, but more importantly he hadn't confronted me with them, at least not yet, and seeing as I broke up with Edward, and Charlie really isn't the confronting type, he should hopefully let those suspicions go so long as I never got back with Edward and kept a healthy distance from the Cullens. If I mention any of it to him, it would only make things worse, he'll talk for sure. All I could do is pretend I didn't know and pray that Edward never gets a good, clear glimpse into my fathers mind. He told me once that Charlie's mind was almost as hard to read as mine was, that he just got occasional imagery or strong emotions. Never in my life had I been more grateful for that fact than now. I closed my eyes and took a few deep, cleansing breaths. I definitely needed to keep a better eye on Charlie. With a semi decluttered mind, I reached for my new copy of 'Wuthering Heights' and tried to spend the rest of the afternoon reading.
I began preparing dinner and that helped settle my nerves. I had just finished frying the chicken and was working on a pot of instant mashed potatoes when the house phone rang. Wishing with all my might that it wasn't Renee, I answered the phone and was relieved that it was Jessica. She wanted to know if I was okay since I wasn't in class today. I assured her that everything was fine and that I just needed a little more time to myself. I asked her if she had any luck with Edward today. "Not really, he seemed pretty agitated today. I'm not deterred though, he's not going to be able to resist the feminine wiles of Jessica Stanely for long! I think he might be fighting with his family, actually. Word in the halls was that he was seen talking pretty aggressively to his sister in the parking lot today." This alarmed me a bit. "Do you know what happened?" I asked, trying not to think about the note.
"That's the thing, no one could hear what they were saying but he looked severely pissed. Like he was going to rip her apart or something. Some kids have even said they saw him grab her arm pretty hard. He's never seemed like a guy who had anger problems to me before. You wouldn't happen to know of anything happening before the break up, would you?"
I honestly didn't know how to answer that. I only ever knew Edward to get angry when he felt like my safety was at risk, or that I was making what he felt was a bad decision, or if I tried going to La push alone for some reason, or if I brought up a touchy subject or if I tried to get too affectionate. I never knew him to have an anger problem, only when I messed up. "I don't think so, Jess." The note invaded my thoughts again, could it have been what they were arguing about? That makes no sense, the party, maybe?
"Well, let's pull some cards for him." I could hear ruffling in the background.
"Cards?" I asked as I tended to a pot of green beans.
"Oh, yeah you probably didn't notice the other day in your book crazed haze but I bought a really cute tarot deck from one of the bookstores we went to. It came with a guide book. I've never had one before but they sounded fun and the artwork was just super mega pretty! Okay, I'm shuffling… 'Oh Great Tarot Deck! Tell us what Eddie's beef is!'" I couldn't help but laugh. "Okay, we've got… the three of swords.. the tower… and… the lovers!"
"Okay Jess I'll bite, what does it mean?"
"Let me check the guide book here… let's see… okay… the three of swords…means… rejection, betrayal and hurt. The tower means… danger, destruction and liberation. And the lovers means… a choice in relationships that needs to be made? Well, sorry, Bella, sounds like you're out and I am officially in! With a little blood, sweat and tears that is!" We giggled together.
"Well, Jess, I hope that new deck of yours doesn't steer you wrong. I personally like my future to be nice and cloudy and unpredicted!"
"Can you predict enough of your future to know if you'll be in class tomorrow?" She sounded hopeful.
"Sadly, yes. Dad's not going to stand for me skipping class for much longer." I answered dismally as I began making the plates to bring to the table.
"Don't worry, I'll be there for you. And so will Angela. I'm glad you're talking to us again, we've really missed you, Bells." I could hear the genuine hurt in her voice, I really had been a negligent friend. I thought back to the conversation I'd had with Renee, even Charlie had noticed.
"I missed you too, Jess. I promise to never let a romantic partner consume me like that ever again!" I heard Charlie pulling into the driveway then.
"It's a deal! From here on we will love responsibly! I'll let you go now Bells, just be sure to be in class tomorrow!" I hung up the phone and set the plates on the table just as Charlie walked in and hung his gun belt. He thanked me for the food and took a seat. He seemed pretty upbeat which made me feel relieved. Upbeat was good, upbeat was not ruminating on suspicions.
"Bella, how much time will you have after school before you're due at work?" He asked as he picked up his silverware.
"Mrs. Newton asked me to work a late shift tomorrow, so I'll be due at work at about six o'clock." I answered as I placed two glasses of ice water on the table and took my own seat.
"Oh good, Billy called me at work today. He and Jacob want to come for a visit tomorrow. He wants to pick up some sandwiches on the way. He swears that he knows a really good dinner. It would be nice if you could keep Jake company for a bit." I didn't miss the hopeful tone in his voice, he'd always wanted me to be best friends with one of Billy's kids, the way he and Billy had been growing up.
"Sure Dad, I like Jacob. He seems like a nice kid." It seemed an eternity ago that he told me some old legends about a certain family. I still remembered the warning his dad had bribed him to give me about Edward at prom last year. I wondered if he ever actually got that car part he was promised?
We talked about our days while we ate. I decided to leave out the phone call with Renee. Afterwards, I did the dishes and then we watched tv together in companionable silence until I decided it was time to get ready for bed. I dreaded the climb upstairs. I had no idea what, if anything, could be waiting for me in my room and I sincerely hoped that no one had been in it since I'd left earlier. My heart pounded in my chest as I rounded the corner and peaked into the doorway. My bedroom looked completely undisturbed, not quite relieved yet I stepped into the room and whispered, "Is anyone here?" If 'someone' was here they would hear me clear as day. There was no reaction. After a few awkward moments of silence, I decided I was done feeling like a complete moron and began my nightly routine.