There was a stillness in his chest, a calmness in his heart and utter peace in his mind.

Roy couldn't recall the last time he'd felt like this. But he knew, without a doubt, that the bundle of blond hair and hard muscle in his arms was the reason for it.

Ed tightened his arms around him, whether intentionally or subconsciously, as he was waking up, he didn't know. Roy felt him yawn against his neck where he'd stuffed his face.

He glanced at the alarm. Thankfully, they'd woken up before its awful sound, but it was going to go off in five minutes—and Roy was still on the wrong side of the bed.

He was so comfortable, so cosy, so warm. He didn't want to get up and get ready for work. He didn't even want to go to work, the idea that he'd have to endure being observed, being spoken about, being watched, already had the beginnings of anxiety slithering in his stomach. He'd have to put on his facade again, act like everything was unchanged, that his life was just as it had always been—that he'd never been soul bonded to Ed, that he'd never blurred the lines between them and was now feeling these warm, pure feelings he'd never thought himself capable of even feeling.

He'd slept so well last night, and there had been no dream to interrupt his slumber, no nightmare to ruin his mood. He felt optimistic about today; he and Ed were on good terms, they were okay, more than okay, and all Roy had to do was get through the work day and he could touch him again.

Perhaps that was a pathetic way to motivate himself to get through the day.

A bite on his neck had him flinching in surprise. "What're you thinkin' about?" Ed mumbled against his skin, his voice croaky from sleep.

"Work," Roy replied flatly.

"Lame."

"Indeed."

The alarm decided to state its presence, loudly and horrifically, and Ed all but jumped out of his skin. "Motherfucker."

Roy chuckled, nudging him. "It's on your side."

Ed groaned, twisting to once again unceremoniously knock the alarm to the floor. "You can have your stupid side back," he grumbled, pulling the duvet back up to his neck. "Too much responsibility."

Roy was silent as he gazed at Ed snuggled up against him. He seemed fully content to go back to sleep.

It occurred to him then, how this used to feel weird. Unnerving, unwelcome. How having Ed around him all the time had made him uncomfortable. And now, it was…normal. A new normal. A normal he'd never thought would exist, one that felt so surprisingly comforting. He'd gone from barely able to tolerate Ed in his house to having Ed in his bed—and on top of that, the thought of not having Ed in his bed left a hollow pain in his chest.

What was happening to him? He'd never been like this before, so…attached—desperate. It was embarrassing, if he sat and thought about it. Embarrassing that he was showing Ed just how much he admired him. How much he craved him.

But he wasn't getting mocked for it. No, it was…reciprocated, if he dare believe.

I've wanted you for years.

Ed's arms were still wrapped around him and his face was still buried in his neck, and he could possibly stay here all day. But… "I'll be late for work if we don't get up, Ed."

Ed grumbled something under his breath.

"What was that?"

Ed squirmed, freeing his mouth from where it was pressed against his neck. "Five more minutes."

Roy's lips twitched into a smile. "Do you want Hawkeye to burst in here? Because she will, if I'm late."

Ed paused. "Sounds like there's a story here."

There was. But it wasn't a funny one, nor one he was proud of, and certainly not one he wanted Ed to know about. He didn't want to ruin the good mood they were both in, and he didn't want Ed's view of him to change—for the worst. And so the story of how he'd gotten so drunk on a week night that Riza had to use her spare key to verify he was alive after he didn't turn up to work wasn't one he wanted to share. He could've certainly spun the narrative, made it sound humorous, but Riza's concerned, almost panicked, face reminded him just how bad that period of his life had truly been.

Roy huffed in grim amusement. "More like several."

Ed hummed. "Colour me intrigued."

Roy smiled despite himself. "You're starting to sound like me now."

Ed tensed. "Ew."

Roy was affronted. "I thought you liked me?"

Ed leaned back and pulled a face. "Where'd you get that from?"

Roy narrowed his eyes as Ed grinned at him, and then he settled back in the crook of his neck. "Now tell me the stories."

Roy scoffed, playing it off. He wasn't about to bring the mood down with his pathetic, shameful moments. "You know what she's like. Bullet to my head and extra overtime to make up for being late."

Ed snorted. "She's not that cruel."

No, she wasn't.

Roy didn't offer a reply, content with simply watching Ed's sleepy face and absently twirling his soft blond hair around his finger. Five minutes. He could allow himself five minutes of this, perhaps.

Ed grunted, as though remembering something. "Need to go library today."

Roy went to glance at the clock, but of course it was now on the floor. "Then I'll definitely be late for work."

"Ugh, fine."

Ed extracted himself from his arms, sitting up, and Roy felt the absence of his warmth immediately. Ed rubbed at his eyes and yawned, then raised his arms above his head and stretched—

God.

Every muscle in his torso lengthened, his back and side muscles tensed, and then his bicep flexed as he planted his hand on the mattress and hurled himself out of bed.

Then he stretched again, his boxers so dangerously low on his hips—

"Are you doing that on purpose?"

Ed turned, the brat having the audacity to look surprised, and frowned. "Doing what on purpose?"

Roy narrowed his eyes, feeling his blood pumping a bit hotter through his veins. He was definitely going to be late for work. "Never mind." He got himself out of bed, ignoring Ed's questioning look, and went for the door. "Dibs on the shower."

Central Library was busy, though miraculously still quiet. He had his suspicions the dedicated librarians were the reason for it.

It was always a weird contrast walking into the stillness in here from outside, where everyone always seemed to be in a hurry, talking loudly to each other. In the library everyone spoke in low tones and whispers, and the loudest sound was that of pages turning or the occasional cough.

He kept a couple paces behind Ed as he walked up to the front desk, eagerly greeting a petite woman. Roy had never seen her before.

She gave Ed a smile that was perhaps too big for Ed to be a mere acquaintance. "Ed!" She leaned over the desk, as though to get closer. Though perhaps it was to make sure she was heard; she was keeping her voice quiet. "Haven't seen you in a while."

Ed gave a little snort, and she jokingly slapped his arm in admonishment for the noise, just as Roy paused next to him. "I'm here all the time, you're the one who went missing for ages."

The girl flushed, red blooming on her cheeks, but as she'd opened her mouth to reply, her eyes settled on Roy. She flushed even deeper, her eyes widening in—terror? Really? "General Mustang, sir!" She saluted, even though as a mere librarian she wasn't required to. She was a civilian. "I-Is there anything I can help you with?"

Roy gave her a charming smile, hoping that would ease her nerves. Maybe she was new, she looked young—and it occurred to him then, that she was probably Ed's age. "Fullmetal and I can help ourselves. Please don't inconvenience yourself."

Ed flashed her a smirk. "You know I could find books in here in my sleep, I think we're good."

Her wide green eyes went back to Ed again, though hesitant now. She was almost pouting as she said, "Maybe we can catch up later?"

And Roy realised, then. What this was.

He discreetly gave her a once over—studying her. She was pretty, generally. Chestnut brown hair tied in a bun, flawless pale skin, a pink, plump mouth. Young, definitely closer to Ed's age than him—

He wouldn't use the word stunning; she was average. But pretty. Certainly not worthy of Ed, in Roy's humble opinion, but who was worthy of Ed, really?

He glanced at her hands lying flat on the desk in front of her, thought of them touching Ed, of those slender, manicured fingers trailing over all the ridges of his muscles, of those small, unmarred hands bringing him pleasure—

Envy. Perhaps his most hated sin. The jealousy curled tighter and tighter in his stomach, ugly and ominous, the thoughts and images in his mind unbearable—

Ed grinned at her again, shrugging casually, but he seemed excited for this catchup. "Are you back to your usual schedule?"

She nodded, smiling wide at him—and she was glowing from it, from the opportunity to spend time with Ed. His Ed—

Mine.

The thought rattled him, and then the girl's eyes settled back on him, her face visibly paling—and Roy realised he was glaring at her. Glowering at her almost—

Shit—

He'd always been charming to the librarians, even flirted a bit, but—

He cleared his throat, schooling his expression back to casual nonchalance. "Fullmetal, I do have a job I need to get to."

Ed rolled his eyes, but didn't linger, waving to the girl and heading deeper into the library, Roy trailing behind him.

He was lost in his thoughts as Ed rummaged through the shelves, absently looking over to the girl again, now flicking through a book.

No, she wasn't good enough for Ed, he decided.

What did she mean to Ed? Had they—Was this a casual thing? Merely flirting? Or had it escalated—? But no, it wouldn't have escalated, because if it had Ed wouldn't be in his bed. Not so freely at least, and the girl wouldn't have seemingly vanished for weeks without a trace; Ed would've been upset about that, if this had escalated. Surely.

But what did he know? Maybe this was a casual situation; a release for both of them whenever they had the time and appetite. His stomach curled tighter at the sheer thought that if Ed wasn't soul bonded to him he would've maybe wanted to go to her—

He had no claim on Edward Elric. He knew that, knew it as well as he knew his rank. But his brain had betrayed him anyway, had tried to pretend that he could snare an Elric. And keep him.

He had no right to think like this.

He needed to be careful. This…thing that he and Ed were doing—this delicate, fragile thing that was happening between them…He had to tread carefully, lest it explode in his face so catastrophically he lost Ed altogether.

"Stop terrorising the librarians."

Roy blinked and looked back over to Ed, met the casual amusement on his face. "I'm not." But then, despite his efforts to appear nonchalant about this, he added, "She was flirting with you, you know." Because he was damn curious. And nosey. So damn nosey.

Ed scoffed, dumping another book on the table. "Sure."

Roy narrowed his eyes at that, just slightly, but maintained the casual indifference. As though they were talking about the weather. "You should be more aware of things like that," he said, and he really didn't know why. "I always notice."

Ed snorted then, and shot him a look over his shoulder that Roy interpreted as rather intense incredulity and disbelief.

"What."

"Nothing," Ed said with fake sweetness as he sifted through the books he'd gathered on the table.

Roy pursed his lips. He hadn't gained any sort of useful information about Ed's relationship with this girl. How had Maes done it? How had he always found out the things he wanted to know from a few well-worded comments?

He decided to not add to Ed's teasing arsenal further, and kept quiet. Ed seemed satisfied with the books he'd selected, for he picked them up and started walking back to the girl at the desk.

But he paused, looking over his shoulder as he said, "I'm not interested in her," and kept walking.

Roy didn't reply; the relief that swept through him had damned him enough.

They walked into the outer office half an hour late.

Everyone was already at their desks, and upon their entrance looked up. Havoc and Breda seemed to be in the middle of a discussion, and Fuery must've been dragged into it. Falman and Hawkeye were, as usual, forever dedicated to their work.

"Good morning," Roy greeted his team. He looked to Hawkeye. "Apologies for the tardiness. Fullmetal decided to let me know last minute he needed more books."

Riza didn't look impressed, likely taking his words for the excuse that they were.

Havoc leaned back in his chair. "What books you got there, boss?"

Ed dumped the books on an empty corner of Fuery's desk, and Fuery curiously picked one up and flicked through it. "Alkahestry bullshit. It's kinda interesting but tiring when I have to learn it fast."

Breda looked between them, as though trying to see their invisible link. "Still no headway with the bond?"

Depends what you count as headway, Roy thought. Though perhaps the fact that he and Ed were now fucking—his heart rate spiked—wasn't headway at all. Not when it came to breaking the bond.

Roy wasn't sure where that left them. Left him.

Ed grunted, rubbing at his temple. "I feel so damn close. Like if I'd known more about alkahestry and how it functions when combined with alchemy I would've already drawn up the reversal array." He patted the small stack of books. "But now I've gotta read up on this shit."

Havoc hummed, then seemed to remember the conversation Roy and Ed had interrupted. "Say, boss, are you an ass-man or a boob-man?"

Ed spluttered at the abrupt change in topic, his cheeks flushing pink. "What?"

Havoc shrugged, gesturing at the paper in front of him. Not official paperwork then. "I've been asking round, collecting some data."

Roy pursed his lips, unimpressed. "Is this what I'm paying you for, Lieutenant?"

Havoc grinned. "Just a hobby of mine."

Ed must've thought he may have gotten out of answering, because when Havoc looked at him again he went rigid. "So, which one is it?"

Ed shifted awkwardly. "Uh." Roy stared at him, feeling his unease through the bond. For some reason he felt certain about what his answer would be. He had to be careful, he couldn't be making assumptions like that—"I guess—ass?" He cringed the moment he said it.

Havoc didn't so much as blink; he just jotted down the answer. Then looked at Roy. "What about you, chief?" He waggled his eyebrows. "Bet you can't decide."

Ed's golden eyes flashed in his mind.

Perhaps he was an eye-man. But Ed's ass was also delectable—

"You can't ask your commanding officer questions like that, Havoc." He'd pulled rank to avoid answering, and it was obvious. Though perhaps Hawkeye would be proud of him this time for not encouraging these little office hobbies by answering.

Havoc simply shrugged, but didn't push. His predatory stare went back to Ed, who now looked ready to bolt. "What if a girl's taller than you? Would you care?"

Ed blushed a million shades of red. It was perhaps the most flushed Roy had ever seen him, and that was saying something, because Roy had certainly seen him flushed—

"I'm not short, I'm average now!" Ed yelled, glowering at Havoc.

Breda snorted, throwing his head back as he laughed. "Sure, boss."

Ed gaped at them. "I'm as tall as him!" He pointed furiously to Roy.

Roy blinked. "Almost."

Ed's head whipped towards him, furious and gorgeous, eyes on fire— "Bastard, whose side you on!?"

Roy smirked. "The truth's."

Ed scowled at him in betrayal, Havoc and Breda's teasing unrelenting. Roy found himself grinning as he watched them, as he watched Ed, pretending to be furious, pretending to be worked up about the teasing—but he wasn't really mad about it. It was amusement and exasperation that flowed through the bond, and soon enough they were all laughing, and Ed's eyes were bright, his laugh loud and deep, a sound Roy really didn't hear often enough.

"Bastards," Ed grouched, picking his books up again, but he was smiling. "All of you."

Roy gestured for Ed to bring his books into the inner office, perhaps save him from any other questions Havoc had in that questionnaire of his.

"What about you, chief?"

Roy paused, hand on the door-handle, raising an eyebrow at Havoc.

Havoc grinned. "Would you date a woman taller than you?"

Roy schooled his face into a blank, professional mask. "Get back to work, Havoc."

With that, he shut the door behind him.

A sigh of relief escaped him once he was finally in his private office, Ed once again on the couch and already having flipped open a book.

And he realised, then, that he was at ease with Ed. That he wasn't constantly aware of how he was being perceived anymore, didn't have to have his mask up all the time.

Ed no longer counted as being around people, something he'd always associated with some sort of alertness.

He wasn't sure what to do with that information.

He could touch Ed in approximately four hours.

He was acutely aware the thought made his entire existence sound rather pathetic.

But one thing he had realised during this whole ordeal was that, while he could control the majority of his bodily movements and instincts, he would never control his feelings and his thoughts. His thoughts in particular had proven themselves quite damning.

And so he was unable to stop himself from mentally counting down the hours until he was in the privacy of his own home—with Ed. And he was equally unable to stop himself from pondering what might happen once they were in the privacy of his home. The mental images, the possibilities…

Roy made himself take a deep breath, as though that would stifle the thoughts for just a second.

Dangerous. It all felt so dangerous. He couldn't get addicted to the utterly extraordinary being that was Ed. He couldn't start expecting things. He shouldn't, mustn't—that would be a recipe for disaster. And entirely unwanted, on Ed's part, on anyone's part. Roy knew what it felt like to have people completely infatuated with him, and it wasn't a particularly pleasant experience when the infatuation wasn't mutual. He didn't want to put Ed on a pedestal—and on top of that he had way too much pride to display himself as such a desperate creature.

Even if he had a creeping suspicion that he was, in fact, such a desperate creature.

Blissfully or not, Ed had been far too engrossed in alchemy—or should he say alkahestry?—to bother speaking to Roy. It had left Roy with no option but to be productive, which would undoubtedly make Riza very happy.

But he was so far away, sitting on the couch with his legs crossed on it, his brows furrowed in concentration and his hands either flicking pages or sketching. His ponytail was rather neat today, Roy had noted within the first ten minutes of his work day.

He put his pen down as his stomach let out an embarrassing growl. It was so loud that Ed looked up from his notebook.

Ed blinked at him, then glanced at the clock. "Oh."

It was past lunch time, but Roy had foolishly intended to skip lunch today. His stomach had other plans.

"Are you hungry?" Roy asked casually, leaning back in his chair.

Ed shot him an amused glance. "You definitely are." Then he shrugged. "I could eat."

Roy pursed his lips as he thought what the best course of action was. They could go to the cafeteria; the fastest option, though a riskier one, and he could get back to work quicker. He was getting through a lot of paperwork today and didn't want to lose his momentum…

Or they could leave Headquarters, maybe go for a walk as they ate. It was a lovely, hot day today, summer having officially arrived with its first heatwave. Perhaps an ice cream date was in order—

He tensed—stupid, stupid, damning thoughts.

Ed looked at him again, probably due to his lack of reply, and narrowed his eyes at him. "Are we going for food, then?"

Roy cleared his throat and stood. "Yes, I would like some fresh air. It's rather stuffy in this office."

Ed scoffed, placing his bookmark between the pages. "Your stupid uniform's stuffy." He stood, stretching his back with a grunt. "They should have a summer version—shorts and shit."

The mental image of himself coming into work in military shorts and a t-shirt was enough to make him outwardly sneer in disgust.

"That wouldn't look very professional."

Ed was close now, he could see the small dusting of freckles on his nose, the deeper gold ring around his irises, the details of the scar peeking through the tank top. They were no longer separated by his stupid desk and the stupid couch—and that was because Roy had somehow walked over to him, and was now standing right in front of him.

Perhaps he was losing control over his body as well.

If Ed noticed the proximity he made no indication that he had. He shrugged, probably in reply to Roy's remark about his uniform suggestion, and made to twist to face the door.

But Roy grabbed his wrist, halting him. Ed turned with a confused frown, and Roy realised what he'd done. He opened his mouth to voice an excuse, but he had none. He wasn't sure what he'd wanted to accomplish. He'd just wanted…

Not in the office.

Letting go of his wrist, he swallowed and walked to the door, avoiding eye contact. "Let's go."

He'd opened the door to the outer office while resisting the urge to look behind him, to note the confusion and slight curiosity that was undoubtedly written on Ed's face; he could feel it, and that was enough.

The downside of going for a late lunch was that his team had already had theirs, and now he had five pairs of eyes on him as he exited his office.

"We are off for our lunch break, Lieutenant," Roy said to Riza, who probably couldn't care less.

She glanced at him from the paper she was reading, and her eyes settled on Ed next to him. She gave him a little smile, which Ed reciprocated. Then she went back to her paperwork.

Rude.

As they exited into the hallway, Roy kept a casual strolling pace. "What would you like to eat?" Perhaps an attempt to not suggest ice cream. Him and Ed on a date…It was…

Ed shrugged, hands in his pockets. "Can we go to that pastry place again? I keep dreaming of that ham thing."

Roy shot him a mildly amused glance. "I would've known if you'd been dreaming of it," he drawled, exchanging casual nods with officers he recognised.

Ed rolled his eyes as they exited Headquarters. "You know what I mean, bastard."

Said pastry place was only a couple blocks down, and they were outside the entrance in five minutes.

"I'll go order," Roy muttered, promptly leaving Ed by the door. Ed didn't seem to care.

Roy had known this was a family-owned small business, a husband and wife owning it, their teenage daughter occasionally helping. The woman who served him was the wife—and she also always flirted with him.

The little smiles, the flushed cheeks, the animated greeting, the coy glances from under long eyelashes—Roy knew the drill. He even flirted back on occasion, just because, but today it all felt weird, different.

He was acutely aware of his lack of attraction.

Flirting was like a game to him. Sometimes it was genuinely fun; the play on words, the innuendos, watching the effect he had on women which always meant that he won. And that high he got from it—he'd thought that was attraction. But it was nothing like what he felt for Ed.

But it didn't matter, did it? He didn't have to be attracted to every woman in existence, right?

The thought made him shift on his feet, his smile a bit more strained than usual as he ordered.

He wouldn't say this woman was unattractive, though. He could tell the angles of her face, her eyes, her slender waist, her hips, were all desirable traits in women. They just didn't make him want her. Crave her. Like he craved Ed.

"Lovely day, isn't it?" the woman sighed, handing him two small paper bags.

Roy's smile didn't falter. "Indeed it is." Usually, he would've tried to compliment her, have her flushing, but he couldn't find it in him, not when compared to Ed she was so average—when everyone was so average, compared to Ed.

She sighed again, "I wish my husband would take me out in the sun, what a shame."

Roy handed her the cenz and politely thanked her for the food.

Ed was waiting exactly where he'd left him, people watching absently with his hands in his pockets. He didn't notice Roy's presence, so Roy made the executive decision to slap the paper bag with Ed's pasty right on his head.

"Ow!" Ed growled, snatching the paper bag while glaring at him.

Roy's lips twitched even as he tried to keep his face blank. "As if that hurt your big fat head."

Ed's glare only faltered when he looked into the paper bag, and he made a vague noise of excitement at its contents.

They should go back to Headquarters. They should eat in the office, away from prying eyes. But it was such a lovely day today, not a cloud in the sky, and the prospect of ice cream was weirdly still on his mind, and—

It wouldn't matter, would it? If they walked around a little bit, if they maybe sat at the park again. The sun was their excuse; who wouldn't want to be outside in this glorious weather?

Ed looked at him, pasty already halfway out the bag and ready for his first bite. "Where to?"

Roy pursed his lips. "Where would you like to go?" he asked gently, slowly, looking at Ed's face for his reaction.

Ed cocked his head at him. His big golden eyes surveyed him as though he was a project he was trying to understand. "You don't wanna drag me back to Headquarters?"

Roy would not squirm. "I thought perhaps a day like this should not be wasted in the stuffy office."

Awkward. He felt awkward. And Ed could tell.

What was he doing? There was no point in this, they should just go back to the office. He had paperwork to do, he had work to be getting on with. Did Ed even like ice cream? Considering his hatred of milk…

Just the thought of him and Ed on a date of any sort was ludicrous. His brain needed to get a fucking grip.

But that was also what he'd thought about them fucking—and yet here they were.

Ed grinned at him, then looked around. The streets of Central were so ridiculously busy today. Everyone was out for the sun; it was one of those occasions where the streets were so busy they would perhaps go unnoticed. They'd just blend in.

"They usually sell ice cream at Central Park on days like this," Roy added. It came out a bit bluntly, as though he'd blurted it out—which he had. He tensed despite himself as he waited for Ed's reply, heat crawling up his neck. He hoped it wasn't visible.

Ed's grin only widened. "Oh, fuck yeah."

Ed had devoured his pasty in seconds.

Central Park was packed with people, the benches all taken, so Ed had led them to what he'd called his favourite tree.

They were currently sitting on the grass under said tree, ice cream cones in hand. At least they had shade.

Ed was licking his ice cream like his life depended on it, and Roy kept his eyes away from the sight because his life most certainly depended on it.

"I didn't realise you liked ice cream," Roy remarked absently. He mentally patted himself on the back for sounding so casual; his stomach was a massive knot of anxiety, and he had yet to pinpoint why.

Ed made a sound of acknowledgment as he licked his ice cream. Then licked his lips. Roy should really not be looking right now. "Yeah, milk and shit I guess, but it tastes so good. Especially chocolate. That shit doesn't taste like milk."

Roy smirked despite himself. "Maybe I need to introduce you to the wonders of chocolate milk."

Ed snorted, and then sucked on the ice cream—whose idea had this been again? His. Dammit. "I've tried it, not a big fan. I think it's the liquid that bothers me." He looked at the ice cream cone in his hand. "Like, if this melts I ain't eating it."

Roy raised a brow. "Considering you barely drink water, is it safe to assume you just don't like to…drink?"

Ed shrugged. "I don't mind juice." Blissfully, he finished most of the ice cream and was now munching on the cone.

"I say," Roy said, smirking a little, "that you just need to get over it."

"I say," Ed retorted, "that no one fucking asked you."

Roy smiled. He should be concerned about that—about the things Ed said that made him smile.

"Besides," Ed went on, crunching on the cone between words. "You've never milked a cow and it shows, so your opinion's bullshit."

Roy brows shot up. "You've milked a cow?"

The look Ed gave him insulted his intelligence better than any words could. "I'm from fucking Cowland are you kidding me?"

Roy chocked out a laugh, covering his mouth with the back of his hand.

Ed stared at him blankly. "Did that actually just make you laugh?"

Roy cleared his throat, battling the smile with all his might, but he was losing miserably. "No."

"Did Cowland make you fucking laugh?"

Roy rolled his eyes.

Silence settled between them, Ed's incredulous amusement flowing through the bond. If he didn't hurry up his hands would get sticky as the ice cream melted. The knot in his stomach had eased ever so slightly, but it was still present.

He was in the middle of discreetly licking as though the very act was embarrassing, when Ed said, "Why're you nervous?"

Roy paused. The anxiety in his gut coiled tighter. He could deny it, but what would be the point? Ed would just call him out on it. "I don't know."

Ed looked at him, frowning. There was a bit of chocolate on the corner of his mouth, and Roy wanted—

"I've been getting big stress vibes from you for a while now."

Roy let out a quiet sigh. He didn't know why he was nervous. Perhaps it was the fact that he was in public with Ed, or the fact that this could, potentially, be a date—no. No, this wasn't a date, this was his lunch hour.

Which was close to coming to an end.

Something like disappointment settled right on top of that anxiety knot. This was all he could offer Ed; lunch hour ice cream at the park. And he couldn't even offer it consistently, lest people start noticing.

The library girl popped into his mind again, and a flair of jealousy accompanied it. She and Ed could do ice cream in the park every day, they could go on actual dates, they could be seen in public together, properly. If he'd thought she wasn't good enough for Ed, then what was he?

The thought was like lead in his stomach, the pasty he'd consumed turning into a rock.

She couldn't have been older than twenty. Her eyes had been wide and bright with youthful curiosity, with innocence. Ed's eyes didn't look like that; they never had, for as long as Roy had known him.

But Ed had said he wasn't interested in her, which meant that nothing had happened between them.

Had Ed even been with anyone but him?

His heart pounded in his chest, emotions swirling that he couldn't identify. He hadn't thought about that. It hadn't even occurred to him, that Ed might have not…

Had he been Ed's first? Had he taken Ed's virginity?

Ed hadn't said anything about it. He hadn't seemed awkward, or unsure, or anything that he'd associated with virgins. But then again Ed was…Ed always grabbed what he wanted by the balls—perhaps quite literally.

Some possessive, selfish part of him savoured the idea that only he would've touched Ed, but another, more sane part of him, was concerned. Concerned that Ed was settling and didn't even know it, that he wanted Roy only because he didn't realise there were so many better options out there.

A tentative hand on his shoulder almost made him flinch. Ed was looking at him, brows furrowed and lips tilted downwards in concern. "You okay?"

Roy stared at him blankly, and he withdrew his hand, as though not sure if the touch was welcomed. It was, and it wasn't. Roy wanted nothing more than to touch him, but they couldn't right now—not in public.

Roy nodded, checking his pocket watch. He stood, dusting himself off, aware of the ice cream in his hand that had started to melt onto his fingers. "Let's not be late again."

Three hours to go.

He was a weak man.

On some subconscious level he'd known that fact. But it had never been so obvious to him as it had been the moment he'd unlocked his front door.

He'd been counting down the hours, like the pathetic creature that he was, and now, at zero hours remaining until he could touch Ed, he thought…he thought maybe grabbing him the moment the door shut behind them was a bit much.

So he tried. He tried to act casual, to let Ed have a shower. He tried to normally sit through dinner, and for the most part succeeded. He tried to make small talk as he did the dishes.

Another couple of hours had passed, and he tried, he tried, he tried.

He tried to not touch Ed. He really did.

But he was just there, dressed in only a fresh pair of boxers, and Roy had lost control over himself a while ago.

He hadn't realised giving up control once would mean never having it again.

Ed grinned at him from where Roy had pushed him against the kitchen table. His hands teased the buttons of his shirt open. Amusement flowed through the bond as clear as day. "You lasted long enough."

Roy's fingers had been running down his sides, and they paused at Ed's words. They settled on his hips and Ed's right hand grasped his wrist where the golden thread between them glowed. He could feel it, all this time. He'd known. "You were messing with me."

Ed's teasing grin widened. Their faces were so close, his lips were so close. "You're easy to mess with," he said, and then his hands started tugging his shirt free from his military pants. "And it's fun."

Roy moved closer, until his chest was an inch away from Ed's, until their noses touched. His grip on his hips tightened. "You're a brat, you know that?"

Ed's eyes were almost sparkling in amusement, his grin turning into a smirk. His hands finished unbuttoning Roy's shirt, and he lost no time, placing his warm hands, one rough and calloused, the other softer, on his bare chest. "I'm not hearing you complaining."

Roy didn't bother replying. He connected their lips, the kiss soft, gentle. His entire being sighed in relief, the anticipation that had been twisting his gut all day easing the moment he was enveloped by Ed.

Finally, finally.

Ed sighed softly against his mouth, as though sharing Roy's relief, grasping his shirt and pulling him closer. Roy's hands wrapped around him, holding him close as Ed's hands travelled up to his shoulders.

He would never tire of Ed's lips, he couldn't imagine it ever happening.

He ran his tongue over Ed's soft bottom lip, tasting, and Ed hummed, opening his mouth and deepening the kiss. His mind had been wiped clean, utterly blank as it focused on Ed in front of him. Ed being his, for now, for this moment.

Ed broke the kiss, their lips disconnecting with a soft sound, and Roy's eyes took in the soft pink on his cheeks, his hazy, hooded eyes, his glistening mouth. He seemed to be doing the same to Roy. "I was so sure you would've joined me in the shower."

His body throbbed at the thought, at the image his mind had provided of Ed, naked and wet.

He'd debated it. Leaning against the wall next to the bathroom, hearing the water running, he'd considered it, had been desperate for it. But he'd refrained. He hadn't been sure if it would've been welcomed, wanted.

"I chose to err on the side of caution," he said, his voice a bit raspy. "I cherish my balls."

Ed smirked, and the heat in his eyes—that intimate, teasing stare—made him want to pin him down on the kitchen table and do unspeakable things. "I think your balls would've enjoyed themselves."

Ed was going to be the end of him, truly.

He managed a small smirk of his own. "I'll keep it in mind for next time."

Ed's gaze softened, and he bit the inside of his cheek to stop the smile. "You were jealous today."

Roy tensed the slightest bit. He was talking about the librarian, about the jealousy that had caught him unprepared, the relief he'd felt when Ed confirmed his disinterest in her. Ed just pulled him closer, arms wrapping around his waist. "Of course not."

Ed raised a brow, and the teasing gleam in his eyes was back. He leaned forward, until his lips brushed Roy's, and Roy was very tempted to kiss him again. Ed bit his bottom lip, hard enough for a spark of pain to course through him, and then whispered, "Liar."

He was a liar. Usually a good one too, but lately he'd been slipping, and now he found himself utterly exposed, unable to hide from Ed. Not anymore.

Ed's body was warm against his own, his fingers trailing down his chest once again and igniting such intense primal need inside him. He'd waited all day for this, for this touch, for this closeness.

Control. A feeble little thing. Roy's control had always been rock solid. Impenetrable. And yet Ed had somehow managed to reduce him to…this.

"Do you believe the lies you tell yourself?"

Ed's voice was low, but not hesitant. He asked the question expecting an honest answer, and maybe that was why Roy mumbled, "Sometimes." And because his life had been changed so drastically, so abruptly, he added, "And sometimes I can't even convince myself."

Ed gave him a small smile and rolled his eyes. Roy wanted to kiss him. "You're an idiot."

"So you keep telling me."

Ed loosely grabbed his collar and pulled him in for a kiss, and Roy's mind blanked once again.

All he could focus on was the feel of Ed's skin, the scent of his hair, the taste of his mouth.

This was bad. The beginnings of an addiction—Roy was aware of how this went, how it started and how it ended. He was extremely familiar with addiction, but not the sexual kind, never addiction to a person. It had never been quite like this.

And Ed…Ed was so volatile. He wasn't a safe person to get addicted to. But then again, when had Roy's life ever been safe?

He couldn't quite stop himself, not when Ed was pushing his shirt off his shoulders and running his hands over Roy's bare skin like he was, not when the hardness of his cock was pressing against Roy's, so inviting, so tantalising, so tempting.

Ed's tongue brushed against his own, demanding like he always was, taking, taking all that he wanted—and Roy was giving all that he had.

Roy's hand fisted into his hair—God, his hair, so smooth, and soft, and long, long enough for his fist to have a satisfying grip of the strands, for him to angle his head and attack his mouth thoroughly.

Ed's nails were running down his back, scratching to the point of pain, and Roy thought he'd burst, right here and now, if he didn't bury himself as deep into Ed as he possibly could.

He broke the kiss, a little whine leaving Ed's lips that Roy was sure had been involuntary, and dipped into his neck, pulling at his hair—demanding access to that perfect, tanned skin.

His tongue lost no time, licking, savouring, running along the column of his neck so slowly, so thoroughly, until Ed was shivering in his arms, panting through his mouth and digging his nails into Roy's skin as hard as he could.

His teeth were next, nipping, biting, teasing, and Ed was moaning now, the lewd sounds going straight to his cock, which was straining against his military trousers. He needed them off, but Ed—he needed Ed naked more.

He pulled back, tilting Ed's head exactly where he wanted it and gazing at his dazed face, his glazed golden eyes. The heat inside him was pulsing through every single vein in his body.

Ed was almost completely pliable as Roy let go of his hair and slowly lowered himself to his knees. In one smooth motion Ed's boxers were off and his hard cock was in front of his face, so close his exhale made Ed shiver.

He gripped the base, Ed flinching with a small gasp, and leaned in, his tongue slowly lapping up the bead of precum on the tip.

Ed stared at him in wonder, wide eyed, flushed, panting, speechless.

Roy held his gaze, wondering once again what Ed could see right now displayed on his face, what he was giving away. "I'm going to take my time with you tonight."

If it was even possible, Ed stiffened further in his hand. "You better," he breathed, his voice almost shaky with need.

Roy's tongue swirled over the tip of Ed's cock, and Ed let out a sound so lewd, so whiny, his hand coming to grip Roy's hair, pushing it out of his face.

He wanted to see, Roy realised. He wanted to watch as Roy took his length into his mouth until it hit the back of his throat. He wanted to watch his cheeks hollow as he sucked, as he flattened his tongue over the underside of his cock.

His cheeks felt hot as he bobbed his head, feeling Ed's cock throb in his mouth. But he wasn't embarrassed by his flushing, not when Ed was looking at him as though he was the best thing he'd ever seen. The grip Ed had on his hair tightened, his other coming to rest on his flushed cheek, fingers brushing against his hot skin almost affectionately.

His back pushed further against the table, to the point where it moved, and Roy reached out to steady him, placing a hand on his hip.

It was terrifying, the lengths Roy would go for him, the hold Ed now had on him and he didn't even know. It was terrifying that Ed had so many options, that someday he'd realise that he got to have his pick, and Roy would merely be the least appetising choice.

The one thing he could do to prevent that from happening, at least temporarily, was this. He'd make Ed feel so good, he'd fuck him so good he'd never want to leave.

Ed groaned, loudly and desperately, and Roy bobbed his head faster, eyes flicking up to witness the perfection that was Ed's face. His brows furrowed, his face flushed, his lips red and swollen from their kissing.

Exquisite, that was what he was.

And when he trembled, crying out as he came in Roy's mouth, Roy relished the taste of him, the sight of him coming undone.

This was only the start of the night.