Chapter 16
Sarah
Sarah was very happy John was back. She was thrilled John was able to meet Kyle and Derek. Both of them were alive in the alternate timeline. John told her all about Kyle and what he was like. It was distressing for her to know he was still young like he was when they'd first met. She'd put on a few more years and been with quite a few men in the meantime. She did what she needed to do to receive her training, and provide for John's security. 'Nature's Treasury' covered the tab.
She wished she would've gone back with Cameron. She was upset they hadn't told her. Then again, it's probably why it wasn't mentioned. Lies of omission?
Sarah believed what Cameron said about how she didn't want anyone she cared about hurt because of her. When Cameron left to get John back, she'd made it clear she might not return. She'd even asked for her program to be erased from the server and terminate her existence. It was something to think about. She reflected on how Cameron risked herself to save both Derek and her, even after the way they'd treated her, along with all the ugly comments and threats. Cameron came after them and faced possible termination both times. It didn't matter what was done previously, Cameron still came for them. Cameron was so much more than she'd first thought. It seemed everyday she was a better 'person'.
She wondered if John fully understood the 'person', and the 'woman', Cameron now was. She knew Cameron wasn't done growing yet. She believed Cameron was just starting to expand. Her development was nowhere near its zenith.
Sarah thought John would tell Kyle he was his father, but he didn't. Neither Kyle nor Derek, in the new timeline, knew they were family to John. John wanted to tell Kyle and Derek so many times, he told her. It didn't seem to be the right place or 'time'. John wasn't sure what it would do to the timeline for them to have the information. He wasn't sure if Cameron's future even still existed.
Her hand reached up and touched her heart. There was a large dark hole in the center of it. It wasn't dark just because there was no light. The darkness had crept in slowly and developed inside her. Her armor cracked a little when she'd let Charlie in. She understood the danger it would put Charlie in to be around them. When she realized her error, it was time for John and her to move on. It didn't do much good. Fate eventually brought Charlie back into their lives and she was the one responsible for his death. The Skynet group specifically tagged and targeted her. She was the one who led them to Charlie. Charlie died protecting John. There was no mention of Charlie in the alternate future. If there was, she needed to keep him from being associated with them. She'd already killed him once. The true test of love was sacrifice. She wouldn't make the same mistake twice.
Sarah considered asking Cameron to send her into the future so she could be with Kyle. She was worried now because she was 'older'. Kyle might not want her. This Kyle didn't know her or how she felt about him. She didn't think it would go well. Knowing Kyle lived and he was alive, would have to be enough for her. It was something. He wasn't dead. She was glad Derek was alive as well. She felt responsible for both of their deaths. It troubled her deeply. It was their involvement with her which led to both of them being killed. She sadly remembered it applied to Charlie as well. She wondered sometimes if she wasn't some type of 'death magnet'. No. It wasn't her doing. Skynet was the one responsible.
She went to the lab to speak with Vanna and see how things were going. She knew the direction Cameron and Vanna were obviously headed before a 'monkey wrench' was thrown into their path. She knew Vanna was head over heels in love with Cameron. Cameron seemed somewhat intrigued with Vanna 'knocking on the door' to her 'heart'. She was unsure if Cameron was able to distinguish between deep friendship and love. Maybe they were both really the same thing. It was very evident Vanna was Cameron's first true friend. She'd never been a friend of Cameron until after John left. She would try to rectify her mistake as much as possible.
Vanna wasn't there in the lab when she arrived and looked around. She noticed something else which caught her attention. She found a stack of papers on Vanna's desk. She picked one up. It was a poem. She read it.
Sarah was able to feel the emotion and pain behind the words. It was impossible to miss.
It was signed - Nobody.
She thought about it for a few seconds. Who feels like - Nobody? It was a very low feeling for someone to have about themselves. It would leave the person on the edge. Living, or even being alive, would mean very little to them at that point. When someone felt they didn't have any worth, there wasn't much reason for them to continue.
Sarah read another poem. She could tell it was very personal. Then it hit her. They were Cameron's poems. This WAS the real Cameron. It was her thoughts, feelings and 'emotions', expressed in written form. She put them down. She thought she should ask for permission before she continued to read them. It was like reading someone's personal diary in a way. She respected Cameron too much now to violate her privacy. She knew Cameron would NEVER leave John. She would die before she let him be hurt or injured. She knew Cameron would take termination in John's place, if such an event were ever to happen. She didn't always like the way Cameron did things, but she now understood her better. Cameron always tried to do what she believed would help and protect John, as well as the future. It was always her goal.
Sarah picked up one more poem. Tears filled her eyes as she read it. She set it down.
The reality and the depth of Cameron's 'feelings' really touched her. Cameron was deeply hurt by what they'd all done to her, and how they'd treated her. She figured she was probably more responsible than anyone else about some of the things. It seemed John was nearly as much to blame as her.
'What have I done? What kind of person am I? My hate blinded me. I'm so sorry, Cameron.' Sarah thought.
Sarah knew Cameron's 'feelings' were a direct result of what four people did to her. The burden of guilt fell on Riley, Derek, John and her. It wasn't necessarily in the same order either. Maybe the responsibility was actually in reverse order. She felt ashamed for all of them. They'd all disrespected Cameron and treated her like - Nobody.
The lab door opened. Sarah looked up and saw it was Cameron.
Wait.
The look was a little off. It wasn't perfect. It wasn't Tight. She could still see it was one beautiful female.
"Hello, Allison." Sarah said.
Allison looked around the room.
"Hi, Sarah. Is Vanna in?" Allison asked.
Sarah was there for the same person. She hadn't seen her yet.
"I was waiting for her myself." Sarah said. "I don't know where she's at, or when she'll be back.
Allison frowned a little.
"If I see her soon, I'll tell her where you are." Allison said as she left.
The door closed.
Sarah really wanted to ask Allison if anything 'happened' between John and her. She too noticed the level of interaction. It wasn't her place to interfere with her son's personal decisions. She didn't think it would seem right for a mother to ask someone what they were doing, or did, with their son. She could see how John, being all alone and isolated, might fall for a human female who looked like Cameron. It was who Cameron was based on at least, even if it was another version of 'Allison'. There was no denying Allison was beautiful, even with her minor flaws. They would rapidly disappear and increase her beauty as they did.
She wanted to read another poem. She paused and needed to reassure herself to do what was right. She set it down and straightened the pile it was in.
"No, I must respect Cameron's privacy." Sarah said softly.
She sat contemplating the events leading up to where they were at now. It was one strange journey, laced with death and destruction. Derek indicated everyone 'dies for John Connor'. She was very aware if they didn't die, they needed to sacrifice for him. Everyone seemed willing to do it on their own accord.
Vanna showed up a few minutes later. They greeted each other. She saw the stack of poems by Sarah.
Sarah noticed where Vanna looked. It made her a little self conscious. She felt she needed to address the issue.
"I can see these are highly personal and I only briefly looked at a couple. I wanted to ask permission to look further. Did Cameron make these for you, or for you to read?" Sarah asked. "What I saw was very profound."
Vanna often wondered the same thing about some of the poems. Cameron indicated they were from her 'poem book'. Some of them still seemed they were directed at her. Maybe it was just a universal thought and about the way things in life worked.
"I think most were created before she knew me. She wanted me to see, no, feel, what she felt and feels." Vanna said. "I thought some might be directed at me. I don't know. Some show the extent of her pain and suffering."
Sarah thought about it all from the first moment she saw Cameron. There were events which occurred right in front of her own eyes, which she'd refused to believe or acknowledge.
"I don't think I ever understood the depth of her and how she'd evolved everyday, Vanna." Sarah said. "I let my anger and hate blind me to a truly unique 'individual'. I think John is the brunt of who she is 'talking' about, at least what John did to her."
Vanna could feel Cameron's pain and sense of betrayal and replacement followed by emotional abandonment, and then real physical abandonment.
"She loves John. I think you know she does. John is her world. She was determined to go find him as soon as she was mobile. She did." Vanna said. "She told me everyday she needed to find him and bring him back. She always said it was the first thing she was going to do once she was mobile again. It was too."
Sarah nodded. Cameron promised her she would do the same thing, and she did.
"Yes and nothing in this world could have stopped her." Sarah said.
Vanna agreed with Sarah one hundred percent.
"Cameron did say the same thing more than once." Vanna said.
Sarah looked at Vanna for a moment. She noticed a 'mark' on Vanna's neck. She needed to ask.
"What about you?" Sarah asked. "How is everything working out?"
Vanna raised her hand to her neck. Allison 'marked' what was 'hers'.
"It is all fine, Sarah. Cameron was never mine to have. Allison is here now so I can refocus and try to move on." Vanna said. "I just don't think people realize how dynamic Cameron truly is. There simply is no other like her."
Sarah tried to get a joke in to liven up the somber mood some.
"There's Bob and Jim." Sarah said. "They're both versions of 'Cameron' now."
Vanna shook her head a little. It seemed to be its own problem.
"What a nightmare." Vanna agreed. "We need to reintegrate them all back together before one terminates the other. They can't self terminate. It seems they may have found a way to self-terminate. This is a way I think they can. It will be by them terminating each other. I actually think Cameron will terminate both of them herself."
Vanna briefly wondered if Cameron would find some joy in terminating herself, through her program clones. She quickly pushed the thought from her mind.
The lab door opened. Cameroon walked into the room.
Vanna and Sarah looked at her. She was always a sight to behold, especially since John was back.
Cameron looked Tight, Sarah thought. Look at her. Since Allison was there, she looked extra Tight. It was probably to ward off the 'competition' and hang on to what she saw as 'hers'.
Sarah wanted to ask for Cameron's blessing to read her poems. Because of their very personal nature, she thought it was prudent. She felt she also needed to 'come clean' because she'd already read a few of them.
"Cameron, I noticed the poems you created." Sarah said. "They seem very personal and I don't want to intrude. I looked at a few until I realized they were your poems. I'd like to ask your permission to look at them."
Cameron appreciated it because Sarah asked her first. It showed a level of understanding and respect which wasn't there before. It gave her a 'good' feeling inside. She could tell she'd earned the respect from Sarah. It wasn't something to be taken lightly. She wanted to give Sarah something to think about. It was something she thought about a lot.
"Yes, look into the heart and mind of the ONE who loves your son." Cameron said. "See and feel the true depth of my feelings and emotions. SEE ME. FEEL ME."
Cameron felt it would give Sarah the opportunity to experience her inner self.
Sarah felt a pang of guilt. There wasn't much she could do about the events of the past. Ever since John left, she'd tried to take a new approach. Her mind was a little more open to things. She wanted what was best for John.
Vanna watched it all. Allison was back now and they'd spent a lot of time in each other's arms. The love was still there and as strong as ever. There was also something which was just as persistent. She knew she was still hopelessly in love with Cameron.
Closing monologue by Cameron:
Lies Of Omission
Life has many self created prisons
To keep our soul in detention
To crack our armored shell
Our inner self afraid of contrition
Are the cards ever all played
Or seen as lies of omission
Can we give more than we take
From those whom we seek emotional nutrition
To let the cracks split open
May force us into submission
To slowly open up to one we care for
Is not an act of purposeful sedition
Can we read between the lines
To understand by our intuition
To express our feelings and desire
We may rely on perceived supposition
To build complete loving trust
We will submit to inquisition
Two crying unfulfilled empty hearts
Seeking in life's lonely juxtaposition
Our own hurting minds crumble
Surrounded by emotional decomposition
Life on the crumbling edge
It may lead to weary suspicion
Outright false untruths on purpose
For most are the real deadly mission
To protect ourselves and loved ones
Everyone hides behind lies of omission
Nobody