Chapter 22

Confessions

Cameron tried to keep John out of combat as much as possible. She made the task her 'job'. She also tried to keep Sarah out of it as well. When there was something to be dealt with, she let the Terminators do what they were constructed for. Bob, Jim or her took care of it. She normally left John Henry in the Command Center to interface with his server and watch over the base. He could also feed them updates as necessary. He could redirect emergency response units to different areas. He could help keep some of the heat off of them.

Most of the time, she conducted an operation by herself. Often, it was her alone who received any damage that way. She didn't like to see the other Terminators damaged and wanted to keep the humans protected at the base.

It was late. John was asleep. Bob, Jim and John Henry were at the bunker for protection. Cameron assigned Bob to John and Jim to Sarah. Whenever she was out, one of them would remain with John. If the girls went out, a Terminator was to accompany them. There were no exceptions to the rule.

John Henry tracked down some targets for termination.

Cameron took the information and said she would handle it herself. There was no need to involve the rest of the team.

She preferred to work alone whenever possible. Sometimes it wasn't possible. Sometimes it was nice to have help.

Cameron collected her gear. She prepared to go out. She was somewhat surprised to see a figure approach her. It was Allison dressed in black. She looked at Allison and smiled. She'd been expecting Allison to come along at some point. She didn't know it would be so soon. It appeared Allison was serious about her request to improve herself and learn more.

She'd learned of Allison's bravery and dedication to the Resistance in the future John went to. She knew Allison went through a lot, but it never slowed her down. She always came up swinging. She was proud of Allison. This version of Allison was tougher than 'Her Allison' - Future Allison.

Allison stood before Cameron with a serious look on her face.

"Can I go with you?" Allison asked. "I'd like to improve my skills and abilities."

Cameron was willing to work with her, but it would be dangerous for Allison.

"It can get 'messy'." Cameron said. "You'll face many threats."

Allison was ready to meet the challenge. She was doing combat missions right up until the point she was sent back in time. She would've stayed with John in the future, if Mrs. Weaver hadn't insisted she go back. She was no stranger to danger. Two things made the choice for her. She would be with her true love Savannah. Well, Vanna now. John needed something taken back for 'Cameron'. He'd told her it was of the utmost importance. She understood now why. Cameron was amazing.

"I've been around a few threats where I come from." Allison said. "I can make a pretty good 'mess' myself."

Cameron felt there was more to this request. She pressed the issue. She hoped for a more detailed answer.

"Why do you want to come?" Cameron asked.

Allison wanted to keep it simple.

"I'd like to learn to be more like YOU." Allison said. "You can teach me to be better. You can make me better. The more I learn, the better I'm able to protect John and everyone else too."

Cameron possessed a little more information than she previously did. She decided to spell it out. She wanted to push the issue a little bit and see if anything new broke loose.

"I have Bob-Cameron's knowledge now." Cameron said. "I know many things."

Cameron wanted to see if Allison would fold.

Allison felt embarrassed. She didn't know things about the past, unless John told her in the future. With hindsight, she could see why he was reluctant to reveal some things. Had he mentioned some of them too early, he would have been labeled as a lunatic. He used a lot of caution. He was slow to reveal any information. It led to some situations.

She didn't know about Cameron when she'd first pursued John. John hadn't told her everything until she encountered Mrs. Weaver. She was a teenager in the Wastelands with no future other than, 'that moment'. At any time, she could be dead the 'next moment'. There were a lot worse things which could happen to her as well. Some of them almost did. No other female had a Liquid Metal Terminator watching out for her. It made a difference. It made a big difference. It prevented a lot of abuse and probably her death.

Allison looked Cameron square in the face. She didn't have anything damning to hide.

"Look, nothing ever happened." Allison said. "We never made love or did any kind of sex. Nothing of a sexual nature ever actually occurred. There were a lot of things I didn't know at first."

Cameron knew there was a little different story from Bob-Cameron's files.

"You wanted it to happen." Cameron said. "You tried to make it happen."

Allison didn't know about Cameron when she'd first met John in the future. She didn't feel it was her fault. John could have been a little more forthcoming without being too explicit. She wasn't going to push the issue when someone wasn't there to defend themselves. She was sure if Cameron wasn't there in the past right now, John, Vanna and her would be in a consensual love triangle. It would be a shared 'three way'. She would want it as much for herself as she would for Vanna. Vanna was laden with a lot of negative baggage regarding males. She hoped one day it could be rectified.

She wanted Cameron to see things from her perspective. She believed it made a difference.

"I felt lonely. I was very alone. Savannah, well, Vanna was gone. I didn't know where. I didn't think I would ever see her again. I was afraid she might be dead. People disappeared and died all the time around me." Allison said. "John always treated me nice and did nice things for me. He treated me with honor and respect. No males from the future, other than Kyle and Derek, ever did. John accepted me for who I was. He didn't judge me for what I wasn't. I'm not into men, Cameron, but I couldn't help it as John seeped slowly into my heart. He was different from the others. He was very special to me. He still is."

Cameron felt conflicted.

It was exactly what happened with Vanna and her. Vanna was really her first friend. Vanna accepted her for what she was and never put her down. She realized Allison also accepted her for who she was and what she was as well. They didn't prejudge her. There was no outright hatred of her. It meant something to her.

Cameron made a confession too.

"I felt much the same way about Vanna, Allison." Cameron said. "I was very lonely trapped inside of a metal box. It's what I imagine prison being like."

Allison gave Cameron a faint smile. She couldn't help but say the name she'd used normally in the past, the future.

"I know." Allison said. "Savannah told me everything."

Cameron wanted to keep the names straight.

"We should refer to her as Vanna around her younger self, Savannah." Cameron said. "She's now Vanna in this timeline."

Allison liked the name 'Savannah' and her red hair. She believed it made her even more beautiful.

"I'm sorry. I forget sometimes." Allison said. "I've only known Vanna as Savannah."

Cameron was confused by her feelings for Vanna. She did want to take things a step further. Vanna was her friend. She wanted to help her friend. She wanted help in her loneliness as well.

"I didn't know how to respond to Vanna. She wanted, no, she needed more than I could give. I wanted to respond to her, Allison. I was unsure how." Cameron said. "I'm devoted to John. I love John and John loves me."

Allison made another confession.

"To be honest, when I found out you were a Term…, I mean different, I did ask John if he wanted to 'compare'. I asked if he wanted to try the 'real thing'." Allison said. "He told me there was nothing to compare. He said he couldn't betray you again."

Cameron knew John spent the night with Riley. She did the laundry. She knew which dried substances were John's and which ones were Riley's. It was clear what happened.

"John has always respected me. He hasn't asked, or ordered, me to do 'anything'. No one has." Cameron said. "If John were to ever touch another female, I would've wanted it to be you, Allison. I would want it to be you. He has a right to make his own choice. I KNOW I can never be human, alive or 'real'. I KNOW it, Allison. It stabs my hea..., mind."

Allison reached up and touched Cameron's cheek.

Cameron felt something inside of her with the gesture. She reached up and touched Allison's hand as she touched her cheek. It was so soft and warm. The touch was 'loving'. She held Allison's hand there and pressed it into her cheek. She liked gentle contact with humans. It was very soothing.

Allison believed there was a sad truth she needed to convey to Cameron.

"Stay a 'girl' as long as you can. I can honestly tell you being a woman – sucks." Allison said.

Cameron knew she was playing with a 'stacked deck'.

"Did you know 'Bob' was 'me'?" Cameron asked.

Allison looked Cameron in the eyes.

"No." Allison said. "I didn't know. Nobody, including Bob, informed me. There are things I could have been told earlier than I was, by more than one individual."

Cameron felt Bob-Cameron could have been a little more forthcoming. It wasn't actually her, even if it was. There were some things she wanted to convey to Allison.

"Allison, I'm made in your image. I have some of the memories of 'My Allison'. You gave me life a second time when you returned my chip, my essence." Cameron said. "You carried ME back inside your body."

Allison was a little confused. She'd spoken with Cameron before she returned her chip to her.

"Weren't you 'alive' on the computer here?" Allison asked.

Cameron moved her hands around her head.

"This right now is being alive for me. I'm untethered, mobile, free and unrestricted. I need only answer to myself. Thank you for 'saving me', Allison. Thank you for giving me life. Thank you for giving me my life back again."

Allison felt it was a two way street.

"You, or versions of you, Cameron, have saved my life three times since I've been here." Allison said. "It's you I should thank."

Cameron was flooded with guilt. It was an uncomfortable feeling to her. She didn't have these troublesome 'feelings' to deal with when she was first constructed. They'd expanded greatly after the explosion in the Jeep. A lot of things were different after the explosion. There was a heavy burden she needed to carry. It was very uncomfortable to carry alone.

"I owe Allison, MY Allison, a debt I can never repay." Cameron said.

It seemed to weigh heavily on Cameron, more and more, about what she'd done to 'Her Allison'. It built up inside her. It bothered her greatly. The more she was around Allison, the deeper her guilt about Future Allison seemed to haunt her.

Allison looked sad as she listened to the anguish Cameron felt.

"I've thought of this a great deal, Allison. I want you to just listen. You don't need to respond. I feel as if you, Allison Young, in any timeline, are my 'mother'. At least the closest thing to a mother I could have, with everything you've given me and done for me. My father may be Skynet, there is nothing I can do about that. It's something I'm forced to live with. To know I have such a fine woman as my 'mother', makes me feel better."

It was a real shock to Allison to suddenly have a 'child'. It wasn't something she'd ever expected to hear, especially from a Terminator.

"I don't know what to say." Allison said.

Cameron smiled at Allison. She didn't want to cause her any grief.

"You don't need to say or think anything." Cameron said. "I just wanted you to know it."

Allison wanted a little more from Cameron. She wanted to get her permission for something.

"Vanna suggested I ask you if I can read some of your poems. She said she sees a lot of me, and herself, in them." Allison said. "She wants me to see the person you really are. She told me I can see inside of you. She said it's the real you. She said it was a form of tragic beauty."

Cameron wasn't sure how to term what she wanted to convey.

"It's a way for me to 'download' my mind into another's mind." Cameron said.

It sounded pretty deep to Allison. Maybe she'd overstepped.

"If it's too personal…." Allison said.

Cameron wanted Allison to know her.

"You may read them with Vanna, or on your own." Cameron said. "I only ask you don't share them with anyone else."

Allison wanted to make sure she understood the meaning of Cameron's statement.

"I take it you mean John." Allison said.

Cameron looked down for a moment. She then looked back into Allison's eyes.

"You're a part of me, Allison. There was only one Allison Young to start with, regardless of the timeline." Cameron said. "Even with different timelines and futures, you all started from the same 'Allison Young'."

Cameron's statement made Allison want to know more about 'herself', or at least a different version of 'herself'. Somehow it was still her, even if it wasn't.

"Can you tell me more about 'Your Allison'?" Allison asked. "I'd really like to know."

Cameron felt the guilt flood her again.

"I'm unable to talk about her right now. All I can say is a lot 'happened'. To talk of her causes me deep distress…."

Allison at least wanted to know what Future Allison was doing. There must be more to her story.

"What happened to her?" Allison asked.

Cameron wanted to keep it simple.

"She was in a Skynet facility when I left. Nothing good ever happens there." Cameron said. "Let's leave it there for now…."

Allison didn't want to cause Cameron any distress. It was time to change the subject. Maybe it was time to hit the road. They both needed something to refocus their minds.

"I'm ready to go out when you are." Allison said.

Cameron started to walk away and then she stopped and faced Allison.

"I will protect you as much as I can, Allison. John comes first, but I'll watch over you. I'll assign Bob or Jim when they aren't watching John or Sarah to accompany you."

Allison wanted to know more.

"Why?" Allison asked.

Cameron wanted Allison protected.

"I failed 'My Allison'. I need to atone for my 'sins'. I can't bear the thought of something happening to you." Cameron said. "You're a part of me. Any Allison Young is a part of me. Every Allison Young is PART of ME."

Cameron turned around and headed for the SUV.

"We can talk on the way." Cameron said.

Allison wanted to get some more wheel time in. She wasn't proud of her last performance and the trouble it caused.

"Can I drive?" Allison asked.

Cameron was one step ahead of her.

"The keys are already in your pocket." Cameron said.

Allison reached in her pocket. Her hand came out with a set of vehicle keys.

"When did you put them there?" Allison asked. "How did you do it?"

Cameron smiled at Allison

"I have many skills." Cameron said.

Allison smiled back and nodded.

"Let's do it then." Allison said. "I'm ready for anything."

Cameron was aware 'anything' could encompass quite a bit.

Closing monologue by Cameron:

Conflicted

As you can see and tell
My mind is very conflicted
Both extremes are fighting
Will good or bad be evicted

Thoughts in my poems
Are recently very contradicted
The current damage done to me
Was not self inflicted

I am trapped
My freedom restricted
What my heart commands
It remains constricted

Bound to your sweet love
I'm hopelessly afflicted
My emotions and feelings torn
My inner conflict depicted

I think the answer is clear
It's more than predicted
For you know my precious
To whom I'm addicted

Nobody