This is a sequel to 'TO PURGATORY AND BACK'. PLEASE read it first.
I DO NOT own any characters from SUPERNATURAL and I am NOT profiting from this work.
Cover Art by: Melissa K. La Rue

CHAPTER 1

Have you ever gotten to the point where you felt like no matter what you did or how hard you tried, you were never gonna be OK? I have gotten to that point. I tried so hard to be normal... to not give in to the urges... the instincts that had taken over every bit of me. And it wasn't just the feelings and the heightened senses anymore either. I had begun to change physically. I noticed hair growing thicker on certain parts of my body, increased muscle mass, and my voice growing deeper. I felt like I was going through puberty all over again! But the most concerning change(and the most embarrassing) was the swelling on my... my... well my manhood! I finally worked up the nerve to ask Reverend Jim about it and he told me that it was a knot. That all alphas had one and it was used to lock the penis inside the female's body to ensure insemination. OH GREAT! I HAD A FUCKING KNOT! LIKE A FUCKING DOG! The realization that I wasn't entirely human anymore nearly broke me.

"You can do this, Dean", Reverend Jim said before beginning one of our regular sessions. "You're a strong man." Jim had spent the last 2 weeks trying to teach me to control my Alpha side and initially I had been doing well, but I had started to become desensitized to Jim's Alpha pheromones. And when he tried to introduce my mate, Lydia, into the lessons, I freaked out and attacked him thinking he was trying to steal her from me. It was a complete disaster!

"I think you're faith in me is misplaced, Reverend", I groaned, rubbing my face with both hands as I sat on the couch in his living room. "This isn't getting us anywhere anymore." In these 2 weeks I hadn't gotten any farther than just letting Lydia in the same room with the older Alpha. They could stand in opposite corners, but when he tried to move toward her, my Alpha would kick in and I'd always end up either nearly taking his head off or pressing Lydia even farther into the corner and covering her with my body in an effort to protect her from the perceived threat.

"You're not giving yourself enough credit, Dean. I think you're coming along quite well." I just huffed a humorless laugh at his obvious attempt to placate me. I knew that he was worried about my progress. Or lack thereof. "You knew this was going to take time and you knew it wasn't going to be easy."

"Yeah, I know", I grumbled, staring at my boots. "But shouldn't I be getting a handle on this more by now? I mean, it's been over 2 weeks and I still can't control myself when you get anywhere near her!" I slammed my fists down on my knees as I said the last word and Jim placed his hand on my shoulder and gave it a sympathetic squeeze. I had to get these urges under some kind of control before the next full moon(my first). Jim wasn't sure how I would react to it and we were all afraid that I would lose myself and hurt someone.

"I've been thinking about that, Dean", Jim said softly. "Maybe I've been going about this the wrong way."

"What do you mean "the wrong way"?" I glared at him with suspicion but he just smiled.

"I've been trying to get closer to her while you watched. But, I think, maybe I have to let you bring her to me." I just sat there staring at him in horror with my mouth hanging open. "I think the only way this is going to work is if it's your decision. I don't think forcing you is the answer." My head was starting to swim and that's when I realized that I had stopped breathing. When I finally took a breath, I thought I was gonna pass out. I put my head between my knees and tried to keep from toppling head first off of the sofa.

"Slow, deep breaths, Dean." He just sat there next to me, rubbing slow circles on my back. I wanted to rip his arm off for even suggestion that I should willingly bring my mate to another Alpha! To knowingly put my mate in this Alpha's hands and possibly let him take her away! But I knew rationally that he was right. I had to be the one to fix this. I still couldn't get enough oxygen to speak so I just nodded. "This is going to work, Dean. You'll see", the Reverend whispered. I was having serious doubts.

"OK, Reverend. Let's give it a shot." He smiled at me and we both stood up as he called to the person waiting outside the living room door.

"OK, Bess! Bring Lydia to her starting position!" As Bess opened the sliding door, Jim moved to his usual spot in the far corner of the room. Garth's wife smiled at me as she walked Lydia to the opposite corner from the other Alpha. My instinct to flee with her shot through the roof. Realizing that this session was going to be the hardest one so far had me on edge. "Thank you, Bess."

"Good luck, Dean. You can do this." I knew she had to have been listening, but I don't think I would ever get used to it. My anxiety only got worse when I heard the door slide closed with a soft click.

"OK, Dean. Go join your mate." I walked to her and hugged her tight, trying to reassure myself that I was doing this for her. "Whenever you're ready." I breathed a heavy sigh and stepped back to look at her face. I expected to see fear and anxiety there, but I was surprised to see a warm smile and confidence in her eyes.

"Bess is right, Alpha", She whispered softly. "You can do this. I believe in you." She stood up on her tiptoes and pressed her lips to mine in a gentle kiss and grabbed my hand as she pulled away. OK. Let's do this. I turned to face Reverend Jim, who was standing, motionless, on the other side of the room and worked on my breathing to calm myself. When I didn't move for a long moment, Jim smiled at me warmly.

"It's alright, son. I won't move a muscle unless you tell me to." I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and took a slow step forward as I let the air coming whooshing out of me in a rush. Lydia stayed right next to me and gave my hand a reassuring squeeze and when I opened my eyes and looked down at her, she had the biggest grin on her face that I think I have ever seen.

"See?", was all that she said. It was just one step. But as they say, 'Baby Steps', right? I just had to hold onto that and I'd be OK. I hoped. I took a few more tentative steps and to my relief, I seemed to be holding it together pretty well. But when I got a few feet from our safe spot in the corner, something about the way the other Alpha was looking at me rubbed me the wrong way. I'm not even sure what it was, or if it was anything at all, but it got my Alpha all worked up. I froze and an angry snarl rumbled up from my chest as I bared my teeth at him. "Dean?", Lydia whimpered, hugging my side closely. I turned my head and growled at her before I could stop myself.

"Dean!", the older Alpha snapped at me. "Focus on me!" When I turned back to confront the other male in the room, he had his head lowered and his eyes fixed on the floor. That one submissive gesture made the roar that I had been about to let loose die before it started. I grabbed Lydia and she yelped when I yanked her back into the corner. I just stood there trembling with my eyes closed and my arms wrapped tightly around my Omega.

"I... I'm really s-sorry, Reverend!", I panted. "Lydia, I'm so sorry!"

"It's alright, Dean", Jim whispered. "You did great for your first time." I wish I could be as optimistic as he seemed to be, but all I felt was exhaustion taking a hold of me and my legs giving out. I slid down the wall in the corner, taking Lydia with me, just trying to chase away this tiredness that threatened to overwhelm me. My last thought before passing out was...

...Baby steps.