CHAPTER 3

"Just talk to him, Alpha!", Lydia whispered desperately. "He's your brother! He calls here every day wanting to talk to you! And he's down stairs right now refusing to leave until you come down!" I sat on the edge of our shared bed and stared at the floor between my feet. I wanted to, more than anything, to talk to Sam. To have his reassurance that I was doing the right thing. But, I just couldn't face him after what I did. After nearly killing him in a fit of jealous rage.

"I can't!", I growled in aggravation. "He hates me!"

"Of course he doesn't hate you! Why would you think that?" She sat down next to me and placed a warm hand on my shoulder.

"Oh! I don't know!", I shouted, throwing my hands up and then letting them fall and slap into my knees. "Could it be the fact that I nearly took his head off when I thought he was trying to steal you away from me?!"

"Do you really think he would be here now if he hated you?" A part of me knew that she was right. That Sam didn't hate me. The real problem was my own self-loathing. I couldn't... no wouldn't forgive myself for my behavior. I didn't deserve to be forgiven.

"I... I just don't know if I can control myself anymore, Lydia!" I stood up and whirled around to face her as she sat on the bed. "I could never forgive myself if I ever hurt any of you! It's like I'm not... not me anymore." She stared up at me, waiting for me to finish my rant before she let out a heavy sigh.

"You wanna know what I think?", Lydia said as she stood up.

"What?!", I snapped a little more angrily than I meant to. She didn't even flinch. She just grabbed my face in both hands and gave me a sad kinda smile.

"I think the only one around here that hates you is you." I snorted out a humorless laugh before I could stop myself and she stared up at me bewildered. I was like an open book to her. She could read me so easily. "What?"

"Nothing", I said, grabbing her and hugging her tight. "You know me so well."

"Of course I do, Dean!", Lydia said, hugging me back. "I'm your mate."

"Soulmate", I whispered back. She hummed in shear bliss at the word and sagged against me. I stuck my nose in her neck and sniffed at the oval-shaped scar on her neck left by my teeth, just below her left ear. It was the only wound she had ever received that didn't heal without leaving a visible reminder. I asked Reverend Jim about it once and he said that, other than a wound made by a silver weapon, the claiming bite from a true Alpha was the only thing that left a permanent mark on a werewolf(or Lycanthrope, as his pack referred to themselves). I wasn't sure why, but seeing my mark and smelling my scent permanently attached to my mate always calmed me down no matter how agitated or upset I was.

"Feel better, Alpha?" I smiled with my nose still pressed against her flushed skin. I could smell her arousal, but I had to back off if I was ever gonna get the thought in my head passed my lips before it evaporated.

"Yeah... I... I'm good." I pulled away from her and she was looking at me with a mixture of concern and a fare bit of lust. "And you're right. I hated myself for what I did to Sam and I pushed him away because I thought he hated me too. I couldn't bare to see that look in his eyes. That look that said that I was a monster."

"Now you know he'd never think that!", she scolded. "You brother loves you more than anything! You know that!"

"Yeah, I know", I mumbled, looking away. In my head, I DID know that, but convincing my heart of that was another matter.

"Please go talk to him, Dean. He's your family." She stared up at me with pleading eyes. "You need him. And he needs you."

"Yeah, Ok." I grabbed her hand as I turned and walked out of our bedroom and down the stairs to the living room. I was so NOT doing this all alone. I peeked around the corner and saw Sam sitting on the couch, chewing his nails while his right leg bounced nervously. He looked scared like he had been called to the principals office for fighting. Lydia was right. He didn't look angry. As I walked in, Sam stood up and wiped his sweaty, shaking hands on his pants. "Sam?", I said in greeting, nodding at him as I squeezed Lydia's hand.

"Dean, I'm sorry!", Sam blurted, taking a step towards us. "I didn't mean to make you think I wanted to...!"

"Whoa! Whoa!", I shouted, cutting him off. "What?" Sam stood there, ringing his hands and bouncing from one foot to the other. He looked so upset that he might throw up.

"It's my fault, Dean! I got too close to Lydia and I shouldn't have!" I was slowly beginning to realize that Sam didn't hate me. He thought I hated HIM. And my refusal to see him after that incident only seemed to confirm it for him. I had made a real mess of things... again.

"Sam, that wasn't your fault, Ok?"

"But, Dean! I..."

"FOR CHRIST'S SAKE, SAM!" I bellowed, getting annoyed. "STOP BEING SUCH A...!" A gentle hand on my arm cut me off mid rant. I looked down and Lydia was staring up at me in disappointment. I knew what she was going to say before she said it. And I let out a tired sigh as I wrapped my arms around her and leaned in to kiss her forehead. "I know, Baby. I'm being an ass again."

"I'm just gonna give you too some privacy", Lydia said with a soft chuckle and then looked back at Sam, who was still standing near the sofa. "Hey Sam!" Sam's eyes grew wide and they darted from Lydia then to me, looking for permission to respond. I nodded my head but squeezed her a little tighter.

"Hey... Lydia", Sam replied hesitantly. She smiled slyly, then turned on her heals and headed toward the door.

"Behave yourselves", she said firmly before leaving the room. I suddenly felt naked without her standing by my side. I just stood their staring at the floor and picking at my fingernails.

"Hey", Sam murmured quietly as he stepped closer. I had the urge to step back, but shoved it down with a hard swallow and a ragged breath.

"Hey Sammy." I snuck a quick glance up at his face before looking away quickly. I had expected him to have that accusatory expression on his face, but he didn't. When I looked back up at him, all I could see was pain and guilt.

"I really am sorry, Dean. I knew the fragile state you were in. I should have known better." I grumbled as I passed him and plopped myself down on the couch like a pouting 10 year old.

"I'm sorry too, Sam", I finally croaked out. "I knew you weren't a threat, but I just... I couldn't control myself!" Sam sat down next to me and placed a comforting hand on my shoulder. "And I'm not mad at you, Sam. I didn't wanna see you because I... I was afraid you'd be angry at me for attacking you." I stared at the floor between my feet as I let everything out. "I just knew you'd think I was a monster, Sam! And that you'd wanna hunt me!"

"What? Dean, no!" Sam squeezed my shoulder and I finally raised my head and looked into my brother's eyes. They were glistening with unshed tears and his expression was one of shock and disbelief. "Dean... you... you're the only family I have left." The tears finally broke loose and rolled down his cheeks and off his chin. He wiped them away harshly like he was angry that they had the nerve to escape and spoil everything. I hated it when Sam cried. It made me want to cry too.

"Sam..."

"I can't lose you, Dean. "I just can't." It was Sam's turn to look away this time. This whole conversation had gone sideways and it was beginning to make my head hurt. Sam was saying all the things that I felt and I never once thought he would feel that way too. It just made me angry at myself for not seeing it sooner. I heaved a heavy sigh and chuckled before I could stop myself. "What's so funny?", Sam asked, confused by my response.

"Nothing, it's just... You know what Bobby would say to us, don't you, Sammy?"

"Yeah, I know! He'd call us a couple of damn fool, idgits!" Sam started laughing despite himself. His laughter made me laugh even more and before we knew it, we were howling like a couple of hyenas. When we finally caught our breath and the laughter finally died down, the room was suddenly filled with an uncomfortable silence that I think neither of us wanted to be the first to break. But, it appeared that Sam was the brave one today.

"You know, Dean, I was thinking..."

"Uh-oh. That's never good." Sam shot me his patented bitch-face before he continued.

"I was thinking maybe you need a break from all this. Maybe you and I should get outta here for a few days." I looked at him with surprise and he just sat next to me, waiting.

"And do what?" Sam smirked and pulled a folded up piece of newspaper out of his pocket, unfolded it, and handed it to me.

"I caught us a case." I skimmed over the article, reading the most relevant info. The headline read "3 BODIES FOUND WITH HEARTS MISSING. AUTHORITIES HAVE NO LEADS." The article was accompanied by pictures of 2 women and one man that had been butchered in the most brutal fashion the police had ever seen. I knew what it was and my Alpha raged with the need to kill it. And not just because it had slaughtered 3 people. The need went far beyond that. It was almost primal. The need to protect my pack.

"Werewolf." A feral growl ripped from my chest as I stood up and spun around to face Sam, who was still seated on the sofa.

"Yeah", Sam said, looking up at me. "So, what do ya say, Dean?" He stood up and clapped me on the shoulder.

"You ready to gut this bitch?"