Chapter 36

Sorrow

Fear gripped Allison as she tried to deal with Cameron. It wasn't something she'd needed to do before, at least not on this level. She wasn't really sure what Cameron meant about 'killing her'. It actually seemed quite literal to her. There was clearly more going on than met the eye. Cameron's confusion didn't seem to help either.

Allison was unsure what to do about all the things Cameron spoke of. Cameron was confused and mixed 'her future' with the 'present' and the 'future she'd come from'. It was like there was no separation from the three different time periods.

She wanted help. She needed Vanna there to help her help Cameron. She wanted to call John. Cameron didn't want him to see her like this. It actually seemed to make everything worse at the suggestion of contacting John. She really felt now was when Cameron should want to see John, not avoid him. John would give her strength at a time like this. It's how it worked for Vanna and her. In times of trouble, they sought comfort in each other.

Allison phoned Vanna in the recreation room. It was an urgent matter.

Vanna answered her phone.

"Hello." Vanna said.

Allison got straight down to business.

"Vanna, I need you to come to our room right now." Allison said.

Vanna neglected some things earlier.

"I have a few things to…." Vanna started.

Allison interrupted her.

"I NEED you right NOW!" Allison said.

Vanna could tell there was a problem. She wanted to know what it was.

"What's wro…." Vanna started to ask.

Allison didn't want to waste any more time. She didn't want to explain everything over the phone. She tried to keep her answer to the point.

"It's Cameron, she's melting down." Allison interrupted.

Vanna was extremely concerned with Allison's explanation. She needed to know more, fast.

"Do you mean her power cell?" Vanna asked.

Vanna knew if a power cell exploded, it would be catastrophic to a Terminator, and everything around it. She knew it would do a lot of damage. She didn't know exactly how much.

Allison just wanted Vanna to come to their room. She didn't want to get into the details.

"NO! It's her mind. She is tearing her mind apart. I need you to come alone and not say anything to anyone, especially John. She doesn't want to see him." Allison said. "Come RIGHT NOW. I need you. Cameron NEEDS you."

Vanna said she was on her way and ended the call. She took one quick look at John and Savannah and excused herself.

Allison went back over to Cameron and helped her get up off the floor. Cameron was very heavy. She soon stood on her own. She was able to get Cameron to sit on the edge of the bed.

She wiped Cameron's tears away and straightened her hair a little. She touched Cameron's face with her hand to comfort her. She wanted to give her a physical anchor to slow the mental trauma.

Allison was able to calm her down some. Cameron seemed a little better. She didn't seem as disorientated. She wasn't talking about 'killing her' right now.

Cameron started in on how her body was ruined now. She felt she looked like a freak. She said John told her before not to act like a freak. Now she looked like one as well.

Allison was unsure what to say about it. She reminded Cameron the new DNA infusion she would do, should fix everything. Everything would be as it was before, maybe even better. She wasn't sure if it would actually work or not. Vanna seemed to think it would. It was a good enough explanation for her.

Vanna walked into the room. She saw the woman she loved, trying to comfort the other 'woman' she loved. She could see Cameron looked terrible. Allison looked highly distressed too. She was sure it was the first time Allison looked better than Cameron did, at least when Cameron wasn't shot up.

She came over to Cameron and took her hand. She touched her cheek too. She wanted to establish a physical connection, like Allison did. It seemed to her she was only ever able to touch Cameron, when she would repair damage to her. She didn't think right now was any different. The only difference was, the current damage wasn't physical. She wanted to reassure Cameron as much as possible.

"Cameron, how can we help you?" Vanna asked. "Tell us how to help you. You know we'll do anything."

It was like Cameron didn't hear her and still talked about what she spoke of earlier.

"I've ruined everyone's lives. I've killed the children by not allowing them to be conceived and born." Cameron sobbed. "I'm worse than an assassin."

Allison told Vanna everything Cameron said, except the part about Cameron 'killing her', well, Cameron's Allison - Future Allison. Based upon its extreme nature, it didn't seem like something to bring back up. Cameron might start talking about it again if she did. She'd found Cameron's statement to be very disturbing. She wasn't looking to get killed, if for some reason Cameron would relapse. She was aware of the incident where Cameron tried to kill John after the explosion damaged her.

Vanna and Allison sat on each side of Cameron, as they tried to calm and console her. How could the mightiest warrior of them all be reduced to this condition? It was something they both wondered.

"Cameron, we're both here for you." Vanna said.

Each young woman held Cameron tight as they tried to soothe her and comfort her. Based upon her current state, they both wondered what her reaction would be, if something 'bad' were to actually happen to John. No wonder she tried to protect John so much.

Cameron looked at both of them. Her face was filled with grief and anguish. She remembered what Charlie said about her being, 'a very scary robot from the future'. Robots were machines. It was what she was.

"I've killed Future John's children before they were born. What kind of being am I?" Cameron cried. "What kind of evil Monster am I?"

Vanna was afraid they might need to pull Cameron's chip to stop her from destroying herself. She didn't want to do it unless Cameron shut down on her own. She remembered 'server Cameron' tried to delete and erase itself before. It was to self terminate, when faced with some additional rejection and replacement.

Allison looked at Vanna behind Cameron's head. They both knew Cameron was fixated on children right now. She mouthed the word 'YES'.

Vanna responded in kind.

Allison knew what Cameron wanted for John.

"Cameron, if John ever wants to have a child, I'll bear it for him." Allison reassured her.

Vanna gave Cameron's arm a gentle squeeze.

"I will also, Cameron." Vanna replied.

Allison wanted to give Cameron as much reassurance as possible.

"We'll do it for YOU, for John AND for ourselves." Allison said as she tried to soothe Cameron.

Cameron seemed to be calmed by their statements. She turned and faced Allison.

"Really?" Cameron asked. "You'd do this for me, even after I killed you?"

Vanna shot Allison a questioning look. She wondered what Cameron's statement was all about. It sounded rather terminal in its nature.

"Can you tell me exactly what you just meant?" Vanna asked. "I wasn't here earlier."

Cameron briefly told the story of Future Allison and their last meeting. It seemed to leave all of them with an uncomfortable feeling.

Allison tried to comfort her. It didn't sound too convincing. It left her with a very uneasy feeling to hear it.

"You don't know for sure you killed Your Allison - Future Allison." Allison said.

Vanna was aware of another incident where Cameron experienced an altercation with another human female.

"She may have been unconscious when you left." Vanna said. "You once told me about the other girl. The one involved in the house you broke into. It was really her parents' house. You did the same thing to her and she was still alive when you left."

Cameron tilted her head slightly.

"Yes." Cameron said. "I heard her gasp for air. She shouldn't have lied to me. I don't like when people lie to me. She tried to get me in trouble. The police would have arrested me. I would have had to terminate all of them. Allison - Future Allison, tried to get me terminated too."

Allison offered another example. It was a rather recent occurrence.

"The Scave… gang leader, was still alive the other night, right?" Allison asked.

Cameron tilted her head slightly. The incident was very fresh in her mind. She wasn't sure if he would need to have his hand amputated or not. It would probably depend upon the amount of nerve damage there was. He was the one who'd pulled the weapon on her.

"Yes." Cameron said. "I only destroyed his wrist. I crushed the wrist bones into fragments."

Vanna and Allison heard it happen. The 'crunch' sound was very distinct.

"Maybe Your Allison recovered and was still in a Skynet work camp after you left. Future John could have rescued her later on. Future Savannah could have gotten close to Future John again and comforted him, and provided for him." Allison said. "They may have reached out to each other."

Vanna knew anything could have happened.

"You don't know what happened after you left, Cameron." Vanna said. "It could just as easily have been good things."

Allison tried another line of thought. It didn't go over very well.

"Maybe the future you came from doesn't even exist anymore. Maybe it never existed since you came back." Allison said. "There's no way to know what happened."

The look on Cameron's face said it all. The tears started again.

"You mean you think I killed all of them by coming back in time, and I erased them from existence?" Cameron sobbed. "I can't accept any more pain to be inflicted on the ones I love. I must protect everyone. I must save everyone. I must try harder. I'm not doing enough, fast enough. Now my body is ruined as well."

Cameron's hand started to glitch out of control.

It was clear they were losing Cameron.

Allison wanted to take some more decisive action. It wasn't what Cameron wanted. It was what she believed was needed. She looked at Vanna.

"Go get John." Allison whispered.

Vanna ran from the room to look for John. She wasn't so sure it was a good idea. It still needed to be done. The situation was beyond their control.

Allison tried to keep Cameron calm.

"Cameron, we're all here now and alive. Everyone is fine. There's nothing to worry about." Allison said to reassure her. "We're all the same people. I'm the same Allison Young. I'm very much alive."

Cameron still seemed caught up in the past events.

"Allison, I've failed. I've failed to do my job. Whatever I've done, or am doing, is 'not good enough'." Cameron said. "I'm 'not good enough'."

Allison disagreed with Cameron's statement a thousand percent.

"There is no finer person than you, Cameron." Allison said. "There isn't."

There was some talking in hushed tones out in the hall.

John came into the room.

Vanna followed behind him.

John came over to Cameron and knelt before her as she sat on the bed.

"Cameron, I'm here now." John said. "Everything is alright."

"No, John, it isn't. It's not because of my actions." Cameron said. "I've done terrible things to all of you."

Allison thought Cameron and John should have a private moment.

"Would you like Vanna and me to leave you and John alone?" Allison asked.

Cameron's eyes widened. There was a look of fear on her face.

"Don't abandon me." Cameron cried out. "I don't want to be abandoned again."

John cringed, and swallowed hard, with Cameron's statement.

Vanna quickly sat back down next to Cameron. Allison was still on Cameron's other side. John was directly in front of her.

They all held each other as they sobbed. They could all feel Cameron's pain and torment. It affected all of them.

"I need you to promise me you will help me fix MY past, MY mistakes, and MY evil deeds." Cameron said.

Allison looked at Vanna and then at John. She then faced Cameron.

"Cameron, when the time is right, and everyone is ready, I'll do as you ask." Allison said. "I promise."

A faint smile touched Cameron's face as she looked at Allison.

"Thank you, Allison." Cameron said. "I knew I could count on you."

Vanna looked at Allison and John and then at Cameron.

"As it was in your future, I'll also do what was intended for YOU, Cameron." Vanna said. "I promise, Cameron."

The faint smile on Cameron's face grew a little larger as she looked at Vanna.

"Thank you, Vanna." Cameron said. "I knew I could count on you too."

John wasn't sure what they were talking about, but it seemed to involve him in some way.

"Is there something I should know about?" John asked.

Vanna and Allison looked at each other and then at Cameron.

Allison looked at John. She wanted to keep it simple.

"Cameron will need our help at some point in our present timeline. Vanna and myself will be there to correct events Cameron inadvertently altered in her future. Leave it at that, John, for Cameron." Allison said. "PLEASE."

Cameron seemed to rapidly gain some composure with the latest promises from Vanna and Allison.

"Thank you, Allison. Thank you, Vanna. You don't know the burden that's been lifted from my mind. It was such guilt, regret, and shame for the events I altered, and the hope I destroyed." Cameron said. "It was crushing me."

Cameron sat up straight and then she stood.

Allison, Vanna and John did also. They weren't sure what was going to happen next.

Cameron hugged Allison, and then Vanna. She wanted to thank them again.

"Thank you, Allison. Thank you, Vanna. Thank you so much." Cameron said. "This means everything to me. It means there's still a future of hope and love."

John started to lead Cameron away. She stopped at the door and looked at the two beautiful longtime lovers. She smiled faintly and walked out the door. There was still a look of terrible sorrow and sadness upon her face.

Allison and Vanna looked at each other as the door closed. It was a very emotional event for them. It also cemented a resolve in the girls.

"I intend to keep my promise to Cameron." Allison said.

Vanna felt as determined as Allison did.

"I accept it and will keep my promise as well." Vanna said.

Allison and Vanna hugged each other and both cried for Cameron.

They both loved Cameron more than ever….

They didn't really know what the future would hold, or what chain of events would need to occur for everything to play out. It didn't matter. They were in it for the long haul.

Closing monologue by Cameron:

Sorrow and Sadness

A challenge was issued
I answered the call
I pushed every button
I gave it my all

I meant only jest and to test
Others followed the ball
I didn't want or mean
For you to fall

I only wanted others
To look deep within
I meant no harm
I didn't try to sin

I'm glad you saw
I wanted them to grin
Forgive my trespass
Hearts I didn't mean to skin

My sweet I ask
Please do return
For your wisdom and advice
So I may learn

Attack me if you must
It's my turn
In sadness and sorrow
It's for you that I yearn

Nobody