Chapter 40

Past Reflections

Kyle thought about what he wanted, and what he wanted to do. It was something he'd contemplated for a while now. He was sure of his feelings and of himself. He looked at himself in the mirror. It wasn't something he normally did. He wasn't sure how others saw him. He hoped it was for more than just his physical appearance. He still felt very nervous.

It was time to step it up, and act on his feelings. He exited his room and headed for Sarah's room. The time for second guessing and cold feet was past. Life moved forward not backwards.

There'd been people in the past, the future, he'd been interested in. Nothing ever seemed to go anywhere serious. There was always so much death and destruction which surrounded everything. He needed to push those thoughts away from where he was at now. He didn't want his past reflections to get in the way of where he wanted to go now. He made his way through the hall. He stood in front of Sarah's door. He was a Resistance fighter. He wasn't about to turn around now.

Kyle took a deep breath. He lifted his hand and knocked on Sarah's door.

"Hello, Kyle." Sarah said with a smile, as she opened the door.

Sarah's smile and warm greeting gave him a little more confidence. It produced a smile on his face now as well. He was still very nervous.

"Hello, Sarah." Kyle said. "Would you like to go out with me for some food?"

Sarah was thrilled with the idea to go out with Kyle. It was something she'd wanted to do on her own for some time. She hadn't got around to it yet. She didn't want to impose or seem too aggressive. She didn't want to be a 'cougar', even if she was.

"I'd love to, Kyle. Let me find Jim or Bob. I'll tell them I have a 'protector' with me." Sarah said.

Kyle liked being called her 'protector'. He said what he felt and believed.

"I'll always watch over you, Sarah, to the end of time." Kyle said. "I'll protect you, even with my life."

His statement caught Sarah off guard. Its implications cut to the bone. Tears welled up in her eyes. She thought of when Future Kyle died to protect her. He'd traded his life for her life. He damaged the Terminator and bought her some precious time to escape. She thought of his lifeless body on the floor of the factory. It saddened her deeply. Here he was now at her door, alive. He'd just asked her out. It seemed so impossible, but there he was.

She didn't want the past reflections of her life to tarnish where she was at now. She didn't want the past to negatively affect the future going forward. The past was the past. What was done was done. She needed to accept things for how they are, as opposed to how they were. She didn't plan to let opportunity slip away from her. It was time to make her feelings known. They weren't something to be kept hidden.

Sarah pulled him into her room. She hugged him and never wanted to let go. She didn't want him to die for her again. She would rather die for him this time. There was so much to say. She just didn't know how to say all of it.

Kyle could see something was wrong. Sarah was very emotional. It was uncommon for her. She was usually as hard as nails. He didn't know if he should say something or not. He knew sometimes it made it worse when someone asked about it. He still felt he needed to.

"Sarah, what's wrong?" Kyle asked. "Tell me."

Sarah didn't even need to think about it.

"My past haunts me, while my future stalks me." Sarah said.

Kyle thought it was a profound statement. He wanted to make his position clear.

"That's heavy, Sarah. You know I really like you, right?" Kyle asked.

His words touched her heart. She didn't want to leave any doubt in his mind about her feelings towards him.

"Yes, as I do you, Kyle." Sarah said.

Sarah wanted to blurt out she LOVED him. She needed to tell herself to back up a little bit. She didn't want to push too hard, too fast. It could wreck everything.

She kissed him instead.

Kyle kissed her back. He wasn't sure where things were headed. He'd received several different signals in the last thirty seconds. There were some things he needed to say. He'd taken a bold step earlier with John.

"I asked John if there would be any problem if I pursued a 'deeper relationship' with you." Kyle said. "I hope it isn't seen as an intrusion."

Sarah wasn't sure she liked it. She respected his honor for asking. He couldn't ask her father, but he could ask her son, the General. She knew John was in her court. She felt at her age, the choice was hers alone to make.

"It's not his choice to decide." Sarah said. "It was actually very noble of you."

Kyle didn't want any problems or to make John think he was trying to 'take advantage' of his mother. He wanted more than a fling. He also understood it was a 'workplace' relationship. It still seemed like the right thing for him to have done.

"No, but I did want to have his blessing." Kyle said. "I know it's personal, as well as work related. I didn't want to cause any problems for anyone. He said we can take as much time off of operations as we would like."

Sarah could feel the 'butterflies' in her system. There was the proof John was in her court. She wanted to keep things light.

"Did he now?" Sarah asked playfully.

Kyle wanted to show his intentions were honorable. He wasn't out to take advantage of anyone. He understood it was the way of the future. It wasn't his way.

"Yes. I respect John. I didn't want to cause him any uneasiness. He's a fine young man, Sarah. You should be proud of him. If he were my son, I'd be proud of him too."

Sarah looked at Kyle intently. She felt the 'goose bumps' crawl over her skin.

'If he only knew the truth.' Sarah thought.

"I am." Sarah said. "I'm very proud of him."

She wanted to blurt out John IS his son.

Kyle still wanted to say a few more things about John and Cameron. They made his being there possible. He was afraid he was getting off track.

"Cameron is a remarkable person, Sarah, they complement each other." Kyle said. "I've never seen such a bond between warriors. I know their relationship is 'unconventional'. They did so much to save me personally, and others in my future."

Sarah knew it was a very bumpy road with Cameron and her, to reach the point they were at. It was at good point now. It was the only thing which should matter.

"I've come to accept Cameron for the hope and happiness she brings John. I feel as if she is my second child in a way. I accept her for who she is in my 'family'." Sarah said. "I've come a long way. Both of them have grown greatly."

Kyle wanted to make it clear Cameron saved his life more than once. He didn't think it was something anyone else would have done. It would have been too risky for them.

"Cameron risked her life to save me several times, Sarah. It was done at a very great risk to herself. I owe her a debt of gratitude and my life." Kyle said. "She took damage meant to kill me. She herself could have been terminated."

There was a little stab to Sarah's heart. It was for her cruelty and disrespect to Cameron in the past. It made her think about the time she said it wouldn't bother her one bit if she terminated Cameron. She didn't understand Cameron at the time, like she did now. It was clear John did back then. She remembered when John told her, 'I need her.'

"She always comes to the aid of those she cares about, no matter what the damage or risk is to herself. She takes care of John and those he loves." Sarah said. "She's a fine person. She's a wonderful 'woman'."

'Thank You, Cameron.' She thought.

Sarah meant it too. She couldn't help but feel guilty about the damage done to Cameron to get her out of jail. It still sickened her some as she thought about it.

Kyle wanted to know a little more about her past. He wasn't sure how far he should reach. He would back off as soon as he saw there was a problem, or it caused Sarah too much distress.

"Can you tell me about John's father?" Kyle asked. "John only would tell me he died before the war. He said he never knew his father. It sounded very sad."

Sarah cringed. It wasn't the discussion she'd expected right now.

Kyle could see the physical reaction to Sarah by his question. He knew in an instant he'd hurt her. Now he felt really bad.

"I'm sorry, Sarah. I didn't know it hurt so much, still." Kyle said. "Please forget I asked. I'm really sorry if I overstepped."

Sarah didn't want to forget.

She looked Kyle in the eyes and spoke the truth.

"Kyle, I never stopped loving him from the day I met him to now, even to this day." Sarah said.

Sarah looked longingly at Kyle.

Kyle wondered if he had any chance. It seemed like a stretch at this point. With her love so strong for someone who died a long time ago, it seemed like an uphill climb. He still needed to try. He believed in his feelings.

"That's total devotion. Is there any room in your heart for someone else?" Kyle asked.

He was a little worried now.

Sarah broke down. She wanted to tell him the truth.

"NO! The answer is - NO." Sarah said.

Kyle looked confused. He felt shattered. He didn't expect to hear words with such finality today. It looked like he'd struck out, before he even stepped up to bat.

Sarah looked directly at him. She wanted, no, needed to tell him. She took his hand and tried to smile.

"Sit down, please." Sarah said.

They both sat on the bed.

Kyle thought she was about to 'close the door' on him.

There was a knock at the room door. It disrupted Sarah's thoughts and upset her.

"Go away." Sarah said angrily.

There was a slight pause before there was a response.

"Mom, it's me." John said.

Sarah thought it was a 'God send'. She'd planned to go forward with a better explanation. It would be better with John there. John was the proof.

"Come in." Sarah said.

John came into the room.

Sarah thought about how best to proceed.

"Sit between us." Sarah said as she slid over.

John sat down.

Kyle seemed a little confused at the new development.

Sarah hadn't specifically intended to put Kyle where he was at, when she'd asked him to sit earlier. It turned out it was the perfect place for what she had in mind.

"Kyle, what do you see in front of you?" Sarah asked.

John looked forward. He saw what was there. He knew what she was doing. It was time. He'd wanted this moment for so long. He knew with his mother present, it was going to be even better than if he would have been alone with Kyle.

Kyle looked in front of him.

"I see a dresser." Kyle said.

Sarah wanted him to look a little higher.

"What's on the dresser?" Sarah asked.

Kyle figured she must have asked about the biggest thing.

"I see a mirror." Kyle said.

Sarah could feel her heart pounding.

"Look at it. Look in the mirror, Kyle. What do you see?" Sarah asked.

Kyle looked in the mirror. He stared at the reflection of Sarah, John and himself.

There was a long pause. He turned and looked at both of them directly. He then turned back to the mirror. It hit him like a 'ton of bricks'.

"Oh my God!" Kyle said.

Kyle looked, and felt, very confused.

John and Sarah smiled at him.

"This is a reflection of the past. This is a past reflection, isn't it?" Kyle asked.

Sarah felt such relief and joy. He understood, or at least started to.

There was nothing left for Kyle to do but ask it.

"John, am I your father?" Kyle asked.

John was overjoyed.

"Yes, Dad. I wanted to tell you from the second I saw you." John said.

Sarah faced Kyle and said what she wanted to say from the moment she saw who he was in the TDE room. She spoke what was in her heart. She spoke the truth.

"I've never stopped loving you, Kyle. It's why there's no room in my heart for anyone else. You've never left it." Sarah said. "You've been with me all of these years."

Tears streamed from her eyes and her heart.

All three of them embraced.

"How is this possible?" Kyle asked.

John understood how it worked. It was at least how he thought it worked.

"It was you, well, 'you' from the future Cameron is from, who was sent back to save mom, Kyle. You were sent back by a future version of me - Future John." John said. "It's because there's more than one future."

John wasn't actually sure if there still was or not. There was no way to know.

Kyle needed to think about everything for a little bit. It was very confusing.

"Right, Cameron's future is different from mine. It's all the same people right?" Kyle asked. "We're all the same people, even if things are different."

John thought of Future Derek lying dead on the floor of the Weaver residence. He saw Future Derek dead with his own eyes. He wasn't going to bring it up at this time. He knew Derek was alive in the alternate future.

"Yes. It's the exact same people, with divergent timelines." John said. "They all started out from the same individuals."

Kyle was unsure how it worked. There was also a bigger issue.

"I don't know tech stuff, but you said your father was 'dead'." Kyle said.

Sarah burst into tears.

"You died protecting and saving me, Kyle." Sarah said. "You died for John and me."

Kyle didn't like to hear 'he' died. He wasn't really sure how to term what he felt.

"That future, or past, sucks." Kyle said.

Sarah could agree with his statement.

"It sure did. I've cried for you ever since. Now you're here with John and me. The three of us are together at last." Sarah said. "It's like a dream come true, or a wish granted. I can't believe you're alive and here."

Kyle knew death stalked him in his future. He knew he'd face death more than once. There was one individual he knew who'd risked everything to save him.

"I wouldn't be, if it wasn't for Cameron." Kyle said.

Sarah felt another stab of pain. She also felt a lot of gratitude.

John stood and gave Kyle a big hug.

"I love you, Dad. I'm proud of the man you are as my father." John said with tears in his eyes.

John gave him a big smile and another hug. It seemed like a good time for him to go back to the Command Center.

"I'll leave you two alone for now, and make sure you are not disturbed." John said.

Sarah and Kyle exchanged a quick glance at John's statement. It implied a lot, without actually saying anything.

John gave each one of them another hug and left.

Sarah took Kyle's hand. She looked him in the eyes.

"Kyle, you know I love you." Sarah said. "I always have."

Kyle felt the same way.

"I love you too, Sarah." Kyle said.

Sarah knew there was an issue she needed to address. She looked for the right words to use. It was something which bothered her from when she'd first realized Kyle was there from the future. She wanted to make sure Kyle made his own decisions.

"Kyle, I know I'm a little more 'mature' now than when we first met. I'm still a woman. I'm still productive. I can understand if you want someone who's youn…."

Kyle put his finger to her lips.

"Don't say it, don't even think about it. I love you, Sarah, just the way you are right now, right here." Kyle said. "That's what love is."

They kissed.

Sarah was completely overjoyed.

"I've wanted this moment for so long, Kyle." Sarah said. "I want …."

Kyle kissed her again. He believed all of their feelings were mutual. They didn't need an explanation.

"We both want this, Sarah. I want it too." Kyle said.

Sarah placed his hand on the top button of her shirt.

"Are you ready for a lifetime's worth of passion, soldier?" Sarah asked.

Kyle saw it as his dream come true. He knew his feelings for Sarah were unlike feelings for any other. Maybe he didn't know what love was. He did know what it was when he felt it. He felt right now.

"Yes." Kyle said. "This is what I've waited for."

Kyle started to unbutton her buttons, one by one.

Closing monologue by Cameron:

Past Reflections

Can one see into the future
As they look through the window of the past
Does anything really ever change
How will the future play with a different cast

One can experience what happens today
The future is more difficult to forecast
Will what was be different than what will be
Moments in time can blend or contrast

If those involved are always the same
Their future is set and they're typecast
The only way change ever really happens
Is if all of the actors are recast

Beware of being caught up in the moment
Things can happen quick and fast
A foundation that is built on nothing
Will never endure, expand or last

Past reflections may forever haunt us
Warping the future and leaving one an outcast
Does one bend or fold and run
Or to their true love remain steadfast

Nobody