Chapter 44

I Am Leaving

John went over everything that happened since yesterday. He'd read more of Cameron's poem book. He could see and feel her pain, and her love. She desperately called out for help. There was no one there. Nobody listened. He knew what he needed to do. It needed to be done - NOW.

He loved Cameron and he wanted her to know how much. Cameron was everything to him. It was why he went after her chip. It was why he went after 'her'. He didn't want to lose her.

John went out early to run a few errands. John Henry accompanied him. Bob looked disappointed he wasn't going with them.

John Henry wasn't sure why John asked him to go with him, but he was thrilled to be out. He spent the majority of his time at the Resistance base. He was usually connected to his server. He didn't need to be. He acted as an interface with the rest of the world and John in the Command Center. He wanted John to understand how he felt.

"Thank you for taking me along, John. I don't get out much." John Henry said. "I enjoyed working with you last night. Where are we going?"

John felt their mission last night cut it a little close. He wanted to find out what was hidden at the old house. He was really glad he'd gone along. He believed it was going to be something very personal. It was. He thought about what he wanted to do after he'd read Cameron's poems. He'd given John Henry an assignment before he went to bed.

"I want to have some jewelry made. I told you last night. Did you research the local custom jewelry makers?" John asked.

John Henry did his homework. It actually hadn't taken him very long. There weren't many choices to start with. One of the best choices was close by where they were located.

"Yes, there's one only a few miles from here." John Henry said. "They have good reviews. They've been in business twenty three years."

John was pleased to hear it. It would make things simpler.

"Thank you, John Henry. I want to keep the current situation between us." John said. "This is a personal issue. It isn't an operational issue. It has nothing to do with the Resistance. Well, not really anyway."

John Henry was sure he knew what John wanted and why. He appreciated the personal nature of the assignment. It was actually somewhat exhilarating for him.

"What we're doing now will stay between us, John. I ascertain you're having something made for Cameron." John Henry said. "I would like to provide any suggestions or any advice. I can check the quality of the workmanship and verify the items are yours and correct. If I oversee everything, there won't be any mix-ups."

John thought about it last night and again this morning. He was certain he wanted to move forward in his relationship with Cameron. He wanted to take things up a couple of levels. He wanted things done a certain way.

"It's what I was hoping for." John said. "This is what I want to do…."

John was satisfied with what he put into motion. He realized he should have done it a long time ago. How could he have been so blind? No. It was worse than blind. He knew what needed to be done for a long time. He just never did it.

He spotted Cameron on his way to the Command Center.

"Hello, Cameron." John said.

A smile blossomed on her beautiful face.

"Hi, John." Cameron said.

They kissed.

John held the kiss a little longer and held Cameron a little tighter. It somehow felt a little more special to him.

"How was 'girls' night out'?" John asked.

Cameron thought things were a little different. She couldn't tell for sure. She was aware John Henry carried out her plan with John. She felt she'd prompted John to do whatever he was going to do. The rest was up to him.

"It wasn't as eventful as last time." Cameron said.

John wasn't sure how forthcoming Cameron would be if he asked. He decided to ask anyway. He remembered there were some extreme events on the last encounter. He was pretty sure his mother was a contributing factor, rather than a restraining one. Maybe there was some moderation used this time.

"Somehow I think it's a good thing." John said. "Tell me about it."

Cameron didn't think it was a big deal. She didn't feel she'd done anything out of the ordinary. She was who she was. It was the other people who seemed to have a problem with it, rather than her.

"We ended up at the bowling alley." Cameron said. "I think the others got upset at me. It was because I threw a strike every time. I told them I was only using my 'natural ability'. No one seemed to think it was fair."

John could understand it. Cameron would be hard to beat at any game, except maybe a swimming contest. He wanted to know what the 'real story' was.

"Did Mom or Allison get you into a challenge with someone?" John asked.

Cameron resisted the urge to smile. She always liked a little competition, even if it was inadequate. She felt sometimes people needed to be reminded they weren't as good at something as they thought they were. She believed it would help build their character to need to go back and try harder, rather than rely on their previous merits or laurels. It seemed best to give John the simple answer.

"Yes." Cameron said.

John frowned and nodded. He was sure his mother was behind it. He didn't think his mother's motivation, and Allison's motivation, were the same. It didn't really matter. The end result was the same.

"It figures." John said.

Cameron briefly went over the challenge in the bowling alley. There were more than a few 'minor details' which she decided to leave out. There was no point in having the finger pointed at her for the events which ensued. She wasn't the one who issued the challenge. She was the one who'd responded to it.

John waited for her to get to the 'good' part. It wasn't long.

Cameron believed her opponent's condition was more than just emotional or mental. It seemed to be physical at one point.

"The other player who lost the bet was very upset." Cameron said. "It looked like he was about to have a stroke. I was concerned someone might need to dial 911."

John didn't hear anything about a 'bet' before, or an extreme medical condition.

"Someone made a bet?" John asked.

For the bet, Cameron agreed to a few 'handicap' restrictions. They weren't a problem for her. She could operate just as well with either hand. She didn't need to see the objective to accomplish the task, if she already knew where it was located. In the situation at the bowling alley, it was the location of the bowling pins. She could choose her angle and the amount of force she would put behind the ball for the optimal shot.

"Yes. It was when I used my left hand and was blindfolded. I played a perfect game." Cameron said. "The other player said it was impossible. It seemed to upset him even more so than he'd been before."

Cameron could expect a physical response if she would have had her hand around his neck. She didn't. She never even touched him.

John could picture the frustration of someone who was a 'champion' losing several times, especially with the restrictions placed on Cameron.

"Great…." John said.

Cameron knew everyone watched her play. Why was there any confusion on their part? It seemed pretty straight forward to her. She didn't hide anything. It was all done out in the open.

"I said, 'If it is impossible, how did I just do it?.' It seemed to upset him even more." Cameron said. "I didn't see what the problem was. I simply stated a fact."

John didn't like the direction the story was headed. Maybe it was better if she just stopped where she was at with the story.

"I'm not sure if I even want to hear the rest." John said.

Cameron was sure he didn't. The story didn't get any better. It seemed to escalate. It took on additional negative aspects.

"I doubt it, things only got worse." Cameron said.

John was afraid it would.

"Beautiful…." John said.

Cameron tilted her head as to the context of the term in this usage.

John figured it wouldn't hurt to hear the rest of it. He wanted to know how extensive the damage was to the other individuals.

"Were there any fights?" John asked.

Cameron was a little hesitant to answer.

"Do you really want to know?" Cameron asked. "It all depends on what the definition of a 'fight' is…."

John shook his head. He wanted to get to the Command Center and see where the operations were at.

"Tell me about it as we walk…." John said.

Cameron finished her story. She decided to leave out anything non-essential. Since she was the one telling the story, she determined most of it was non-essential.

Later on:

Cameron went to see John Henry. She made sure they were alone.

''I see you went and picked up my things." Cameron said.

John Henry knew John concealed the 'package' under his shirt when they'd left the house, and entered the base. He didn't want it to be picked up on any surveillance equipment.

"Yes, how did you know?" John Henry asked.

There was a slight smile on Cameron's face.

"I went and looked." Cameron said.

John Henry wondered when. The house was only empty for a short period of time when they'd made their entry and collected the material.

"The residents came home as we left." John Henry said. "I didn't know they went out again."

Cameron never saw it as a problem. It was nothing new to her.

"They didn't go out." Cameron said. "I waited until they were asleep."

John Henry wasn't so sure of such a risky move on Cameron's part. He wanted to get her statement straight. He was a little confused.

"You went into the house while they were there sleeping?" John Henry asked. "It seems like a rather dangerous endeavor."

It wasn't a big deal to Cameron. She felt she had plenty of practice.

"Yes, they never wake up when I check." Cameron said. "I have many abilities and skills. What did John do with my items?"

John Henry tried to understand the unnecessary risk Cameron took. It was someone's bedroom. They were probably in the bed when she looked. They would have only been feet away from Cameron when she opened the closet, removed the items over the floorboard, and pried it up. It wasn't a task he would have attempted. He needed to refocus.

"He took them to his room." John Henry said.

John walked into the Command Center. He'd been to the commissary for lunch.

John Henry and Cameron looked at each other. They hoped he hadn't heard anything.

Cameron thought up an idea and threw it out there to deflect where the conversation actually had been. It was something which needed to be addressed anyway.

"Hi, John." Cameron said. "I was just about to discuss obtaining body armor for all the members of the Resistance."

It was a policy Cameron actually wanted to implement. She was very pleased her nipple finally regenerated completely after her new infusion of Allison's DNA. She planned to better protect the 'twins' in the future. She wanted John to be able to touch her. She wouldn't allow it if she was damaged in that area. She didn't want John to see her sheath less than perfect.

John thought about the 'close ones' the team, including him, experienced before. It would be a plus to have some type of ballistic armor. He wondered why it wasn't something which hadn't been implemented previously.

"I think it would be a good idea." John said. "We don't really have any medical staff, even if we have an infirmary. Recovering from a bullet wound would take time."

Cameron thought a little more involved than John did. She wanted everyone to be protected.

"I mean for our entire group, even our Terminators. It would lessen the cosmetic damage done to them." Cameron said.

It sounded like an even better idea to John. He wanted to stress a few points with Cameron. They were important to him, even if they weren't to her.

"Cameron, I have to say it's the best idea I've heard in a long time." John said. "I want you to wear body armor from now on. I can't stand you avoiding me when you're shot up or damaged. I want to hold you and touch you. It makes me sick when you're damaged."

Cameron didn't want things to be about her.

"I'll think about it." Cameron said. "I want it for the other Terminators. I want them protected."

John wasn't sure why Cameron didn't think of herself.

"What about you?" John asked.

Cameron didn't think it would matter for what she planned to do in the near future.

"I don't need anything extra." Cameron said. "I've survived so far."

The next words slipped out of John's mouth. It wasn't what he wanted to say verbally.

"Cameron, do you have a death wish?" John asked.

In the front of John's mind were Cameron's references to 'death' in some of the poems he'd read last night. It really bothered him. It bothered him how his actions, and the other people around Cameron, made her feel the way she did. It wasn't on her, it was on them.

Cameron didn't think she had much control. She was sure it was more fate, than it was a 'wish'. It seemed some things were inevitable.

"No, but I'll accept my destiny." Cameron said.

John Henry wanted to diffuse the tension in the room some. He'd been a spectator to the conversation so far. It made him wonder how long Cameron actually thought about bringing it up. He was pretty sure it wasn't a recent development.

"I'll look into everything related to it, Cameron. I think it's an excellent idea. I suggest you wear it also." John Henry added.

Cameron walked out of the room and John followed her.

John caught up to Cameron. They didn't say much. There was a lot on each of their minds.

Cameron and John walked for a short distance until they were alone.

She stopped and faced John. She needed to tell him something.

"John…." Cameron started and then hesitated.

John could see there was a serious look on Cameron's face. It usually wasn't a good thing when there was.

"Yes?" John asked.

Cameron paused.

John knew something 'bad' was about to happen. He could just feel it coming. He knew he'd waited too long to act.

A minute passed in silence.

Cameron felt it was her responsibility to notify John what was about to happen.

"I am leaving." Cameron finally said.

John's heart sank.

"You're leaving?" John asked somewhat confused.

There wasn't much to say, so she just said it.

"Yes, I'm going on a temporal mission. It has a high chance of failure." Cameron said. "It's unlikely I'll return."

John didn't plan any temporal mission for anyone. He wasn't even sure what she was talking about.

"Whose mission is this?" John asked.

Cameron felt it was a personal issue rather than an operational one. She looked into John's face and spoke the truth.

"It's my own mission." Cameron said. "There are some things I can no longer exist with. If I don't try to rectify them, I'll self terminate."

John felt confused and a little angry. His frustrations got the best of him.

"Isn't it what you've already been doing by getting shot up these last few months EVERY night?" John asked. "It sure seems like you're trying to get terminated."

Cameron believed it was true and more was associated with it.

"Yes. I've experienced several 'melt downs' too, as Allison calls them. There are things I must atone for, John." Cameron said. "I've tried to ignore them. I can't. The more I fight them, the more they seem to trouble me."

John couldn't understand the need to do it now.

"Why?" John asked. "Why at this time? What's different?"

Cameron hoped to prompt John a little with the sad truth.

"It is something I MUST do. I wanted to tell you before I left. There's a high probability we will never see each other again." Cameron said. "If I don't return, it should be easier for you to understand and accept. I just wanted you to know it."

John could see now why Cameron previously took some other provocative actions.

"I noticed you've allowed me 'total access' to Vanna and Allison. You've been pushing them towards me, as you run from me." John said. "I'm not oblivious to your 'back room' tactics."

Cameron wanted John to know the truth. She saw how it hurt Future John too.

"John, I'm barren. I see you play with Savannah and know how you love children. I can't provide you with a descendant. It weighs heavily on me. I don't think you can understand how much. You need the opportunity to choose a REAL woman who is fertile. This is something I'll allow and encourage. In fact, I insist on it. It's what I want for you. It's my choice."

John thought it should be his choice to make. It wasn't even an issue they'd ever discussed.

"Cameron, it's not important right now. We could always adopt if you want to be a mother." John said. "There are ways around the situation. It isn't something which needs to be decided now."

Cameron pointed out some other issues.

"No, it's not the same thing. Allison and Vanna can provide you with your child. Their relationship won't allow them to reproduce." Cameron said. "It would be a mutual benefit for all three of you."

John found it all a little difficult to believe. He was sure there was more to it.

"What about you?" John asked. "At what cost to you?"

Cameron felt her fate was already written.

"It's most probable I'll be terminated, or lost in time. I'll search for you until my power cell runs out, or I'm terminated." Cameron said.

John could see beauty in her statement, as tragic as it sounded.

"It almost sounds romantic." John said.

Cameron didn't think it was romantic. It was simply fact.

"John, I'm going to do this." Cameron said. "No power in the Verse can stop me."

John didn't think he had any control right now. There were things he needed to do. He wanted a better timeline when everything was going to happen.

"When?" John asked. "When are you leaving?"

Cameron looked at John with an emotionless face.

"Now." Cameron said as she turned to walk away.

Closing monologue by Cameron:

I Am Leaving

I look around at what I 'have'
Is any of it actually real
The emptiness inside of me
Is what I mostly feel

Maybe the problem is
I don't know what I really want
I flounder in frustration
Chasing the wind on an endless hunt

I often ask myself
Should I stay or should I go
What the answer is to that
I really don't know

I feel the need to atone
My past I need to amend
It really makes me wonder
What is real or only pretend

I've stopped believing
It's only myself I'm deceiving
There may be some grieving
I am leaving

Nobody