Chapter 48

Erased

John asked for some private time. Sarah and Kyle left him alone in his room. He pinched himself one time very hard. He could feel the pain so it confirmed what was happening wasn't a dream. If it was, it would be more like a nightmare. He looked around the empty room. Yesterday was the happiest day of his life. Today felt like the worst day of his life. He pinched himself again. It was even harder. There was a small mark to go along with the pain this time. There was no doubt it was real.

Everything was so beautiful yesterday. He'd shared a very special time with Cameron as they consummated their love. Cameron seemed very shy about it as they started. It seemed to make it even more special when Cameron whispered in his ear. She asked him to go slow, since she'd never done anything sexual before. It made it even more exciting for both of them.

He didn't know Cameron believed she may have been Future John's sex slave, or maybe even made love to Future John.

Cameron believed it, but there were no files to substantiate it. Much of her personal interaction with Future John was erased. Part of her life was erased. It tormented her not to know the truth. All she could know was what was there. Her main worry was when she was captured, she could have been reprogrammed as a 'Metal Whore'. She knew it happened to other female Terminators who were captured. There were no files. She didn't know. She could have been a mechanical 'love doll' to hundreds of men, maybe even thousand, depending on how long they had her. Everyone wanted to give a 'Metal Whore' a try to see how it compared to the 'real thing'.

John was unaware of the torment Cameron thought about daily. It wasn't just once a day, but multiple times a day.

He dressed and was able to compose himself enough to make it to the Command Center. He wanted to explore all the possibilities of what to do about Cameron. There must be something they could do. He could think of a few things himself, but didn't know how practical any of them were.

John Henry could see John was on his way to the Command Center. He felt a little uneasy about what might happen. Cameron told him everything would be the same after a short time. She was sure 'nothing bad' would happen to Bob, Jim or him. So far her prediction was correct. There was no guarantee it would stay the same way. He'd learned humans could be very unpredictable. Logic often seemed to elude them.

John walked into the Command Center.

"Hello, John." John Henry said.

John wasn't really in a talkative mood. He wanted to get straight down to business.

"Is there any trace of 'Cameron' in any of the computer systems, or anything left on Bob's chip, Jim's chip, or your chip, John Henry?" John asked. "Is there anything of 'Cameron' left?"

John Henry would have hoped for a better greeting. He was sure he would probably be given a 'cold shoulder' by all of the humans for a while. He'd already anticipated what John's question would be. He'd searched his server. It was because there was one version of 'Cameron' there with him at one point. It was bleak. It didn't look promising at all.

"There are fragments left here and there." John Henry said. "There's no functioning copy of Cameron's program. The closet thing would have been the server in the lab. Cameron destroyed it before she left. We would have been able to get a limited 'computer Cameron' from what was there. She has effectively deleted and terminated herself. She systematically erased all traces of herself from my server. She made sure when she left, she was 'gone'."

John was dumbfounded. No matter how many times he ran it through his head, he couldn't understand it. Everything seemed good for once. It didn't last long.

"I don't understand it." John said. "I can't understand it. It makes no sense."

Allison entered the Command Center. It was obvious she'd been crying before she arrived.

"Hi." Allison said.

John wanted to tread lightly. He knew one wrong word could burst the dam of tears welled up inside Allison, and himself for that matter. It seemed Vanna was the one most affected by all of it. He wanted to find out how she was doing.

"Hi, Allison, how's Vanna?" John asked.

A tear slid down Allison's cheek. She held it together, for now. It pained her greatly about what happened.

"I gave her some medication. She's sleeping now." Allison said. "It was too much for her, John, she loves Cameron too."

Allison was aware Vanna loved Cameron as much as her, if not more. She understood it was the purest form of love. There was no physical aspect to it.

It gave John more than a few things to think about. Cameron confessed to him before that she loved Vanna, and later Allison, as well as him. She said she couldn't stop the 'feelings' which grew in her.

"I know, Allison." John said. "The server Cameron destroyed was 'Vanna's Cameron'. I can't believe Cameron did all this so systematically."

Allison thought she might know more than John about some things which troubled Cameron. Cameron confided in Vanna and her many times. It was the only way they could 'share'. It was never physical. The physical aspect was always there waiting to be explored. Vanna had been very close at times, but never acted. Vanna believed Cameron needed to act first. She felt the same way. They both knew Cameron was much like a younger person in that regard. She was very vulnerable. Nobody wanted to 'use' Cameron or 'hurt' her.

When Cameron was ready to share, they would be there for her. They would share their love with her. It wouldn't just be sex. It would be the deepest and purest love two could share. It would be love with meaning, as opposed to sex for gratification. There was a big difference between the two. She'd been down both roads before. She'd preferred the former over the latter in every instance.

Allison wanted John to try to understand Cameron better. She thought she could offer her perspective on the situation.

"John, she talked with Vanna and me about the torment she was in." Allison said. "You saw part of it. She could no longer exist with the pain she felt. She needed to try to correct her mistakes or self terminate."

John was aware of Cameron's 'death wish'. He believed he saw it for what it was. It wasn't very good either.

"By making everything a one woman war, she attempted to be terminated. The way I made her feel in the past, was the root of the situation." John said. "It all comes back to me and my rejection, betrayal and replacement of her. I'm the one at fault for all of this."

John knew it to be true by reading Cameron's poems and viewing how she was made to feel. It actually made him angry at himself. He knew what he was doing when he did it, and he did it anyway.

Allison believed it was a slightly different path. Based on what Cameron told her, it was about 'fixing the past'. It was all about making things the way they were.

"Cameron's doing it for you, for HER Future You - Future John." Allison said. "She's worked hard to put everything into play here, as it was in her future. Can't you see what she's doing? She's trying to restore what she feels is the correct timeline before HER Allison - Future Allison, was terminated. Cameron said it was the 'Natural Order' of time, and she would restore it."

It all sounded well and dandy to John, but how do you bring back the dead? It means you need to prevent it in the first place. Who knows what happens after that. It would change everything which followed originally.

"How's she going to un-terminate HER Allison - Future Allison, and not screw up the timeline she came from, to the point where she met me, and everything that's happened since?" John asked. "Maybe she created an alternate timeline and it's where she is. Maybe it's why she can't get back."

John didn't want to think Cameron could be terminated if she changed her future. The past as she knew it would be different. Maybe she was never sent into the past. He wasn't sure exactly how Cameron would accomplish her task. It made him wonder if Cameron terminated 'herself' in the future. It's possible she terminated the version of herself, who was under control of Skynet at the time. It was something he wouldn't put past her.

John Henry didn't want to point out they may be in an alternate timeline now as well. Cameron coming back in the first place may have created a new timeline. He'd reached much the same conclusion as John without knowing it.

"Most likely, it's why we'll never see her again, John. I'm sorry. I don't think she can succeed." John Henry said. "If she prevents Allison from being captured, she will destroy her future and past. I advised her multiple times to not attempt this. She said she couldn't continue with the guilt for her 'sins'. She told me if she was successful, she would return seconds after leaving. The only logical conclusion is she failed, or was terminated. John, she's gone. She's never coming back. If she was able to attain access to a TDE, it should have already happened. She would be here. It was the plan. She was to return right after she left. She didn't want to cause anyone any additional grief."

John looked around hoping to see Cameron. Nobody was there. It gave him some time to think about what was said during their wedding. The vows they gave were different. It didn't really register at the time. As he replayed the events of yesterday, he could clearly see it. He even asked to read what was given to Mr. Ellison.

"I should have known from the specific vows she selected. She only committed herself to me, while I wasn't committed exclusively to her." John said. "I've gone back and looked at what Mr. Ellison read from. It was right there, she even made ME say it."

Allison knew what Cameron made her promise to do. She felt it was something to be addressed. It was of a highly personal nature.

"You know what she wants Vanna and me to 'do'." Allison said. "She wants you to have the children and family she feels she destroyed."

It didn't make sense to John. It was as if Cameron attempted to accelerate the timeline.

"How?" John asked. "Why?"

It was very clear to Allison. Cameron was even able to double down on her bet.

"There are now two 'Savannahs', and two 'Allisons' here in this timeline." Allison explained. "It's four people spread over a divergent age group from Vanna to Young Allison. Cameron's tried to cover all the bases for the next twenty years."

John Henry thought it was an effective strategy.

"Cameron said she only plays to win." John Henry added. "With four players, and twenty years. a lot can happen. Her logic was impeccable."

John didn't feel all victories were sweet, if it was the case.

"But at what price to her?" John asked.

Allison didn't like the answer, but she understood it. She saw the torment it caused Cameron every time she thought about it. It was often very extreme.

"It was the price to not self terminate. It was the price for her to live and not die. That was the price." Allison answered. "John, she NEEDED to do this. She NEEDED to TRY to do this for HERSELF. It was tearing her mind apart."

John Henry tried to point out some of the other possibilities. There was no way to know exactly what happened, how, when, or if anything actually transpired. It was all unknown to them.

"It's better for her to be alive in some divergent timeline, than terminated." John Henry responded. "It's the only reason I helped her. I didn't want her to 'go', to die. There was no other option. I couldn't sit and watch, do nothing, and then watch her self terminate. That prospect was unacceptable."

John knew of another option. He knew Cameron wouldn't approve of it. He wasn't even sure if he wanted to voice it or not. Somehow he felt he needed to.

"Is there anything Mrs. Weaver can do to help fix any of this?" John asked.

There was another 'problem' John Henry felt developed regarding Mrs. Weaver. There were things which should have already occurred. They hadn't.

"I don't think so. We've eliminated many Grays and disrupted Skynet operations. It's possible Mrs. Weaver is stuck in an alternate timeline now too. She should have been back months ago." John Henry said worriedly. "It doesn't appear Mrs. Weaver is coming back either. It would have already happened as well."

John couldn't help but think about the Terminator 'army' Mrs. Weaver seemed to be building in the alternate future. He'd noticed there were a lot more Terminators, well, Restorators, at the time he left than were necessary.

"Can Mrs. Weaver get to where Cameron is trying to go?" John wondered.

John Henry knew Mrs. Weaver planned ahead on many things. He didn't think going to the 'wrong' future was one of them. It was all because John was taken out of the 'present' at that time. He uncovered multiple schemes by Mrs. Weaver when he'd searched through the records of the company. There were several different layers of contingency plans.

"No. Not unless she tried to do what Cameron is trying to do by going back in time, and then going forward in time. I don't know." John Henry said. "Maybe she's found a way to get 'home' herself. The only way to make it work, is by not changing anything else when they time jump forward or backwards. I can't see Mrs. Weaver not meddling."

The sorrow in John was replaced by anger. Everything seemed to indicate Cameron wasn't returning for one reason or another. It could be anything from her termination, to being in a different timeline. She clearly wasn't back in their timeline.

"This is beyond a nightmare." John said. "The best day of my life was instantly replaced with the worst day in my life. I've had it."

John looked at Allison and John Henry and then stormed out of the Command Center. He didn't say a word.

With John's words, Allison felt something inside of her create a 'reaction'. She wasn't sure why. Right now she felt she needed to do something important. There was an urgency to it as well.

John returned to his room.

He sat in silence.

John looked at each of Cameron's rings. They were beautiful and they were there without her to wear them. Is this all he had left?

He carefully wrapped up Cameron's two rings.

John placed them in his drawer.

He looked at Cameron's Glock sitting there.

John touched the cold metal of the slide.

He slowly closed the drawer.

He picked up Cameron's Poem book and held it. He gently caressed it as he looked at the cover.

MY STORY

(Art Of The Mind)

By

NOBODY

John said to himself. 'These are your thoughts, feelings and emotions, Cameron. They are the very essence of your mind. Things you wanted to say or express and share. I'm so very sorry, Cameron. I now have several choices to make. I can wait for years suffering in agony, and then take my own life. I can try to replace you with what you've 'provided' for me. I know you feel it should be in some fashion as it was in your future, or I can take my own life now.'

John read through the pages of Cameron's poem book. The tears flowed down his face.

He opened the drawer and placed the poem book inside. He placed the wrapped rings on top of it.

"I love you, Cameron, and you love me." John said aloud.

He slid his ring off. He gently placed it on top of Cameron's wrapped rings.

He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. He needed to face what was inevitable. There was no point delaying what needed to be taken care of. He was done. There was only one way to stop the pain. It was time to grow a pair, and be a man for once. He needed to be the one in control of his own life, not have life control him.

John reached for Cameron's Glock….

Closing monologue by Cameron:

Erased

To wipe clean the slate of life
Everything must be erased
Nothing at all can be left behind
That can be identified or traced

There are times for all
When they want to start over
Would anything really ever change
If they were granted a do-over

Isn't what one would do
Already what they've done
The sad part is to watch them lose
While they think they've won

If there's a beginning
Then there's an end
They think they have it straight
Then they watch it all bend

Everything that was faced
All turned out to be a waste
Leaving one feeling disgraced
As themselves they erased

Nobody