Chapter 52

Let Her Go

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Cameron's Future Timeline:

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Future John still tried to process everything which just happened in the last few minutes. He'd gone all the way from 'losing' Cameron forever, to almost ending his life. Now look where things were. Cameron gave him back his life, and she gave him back Allison. He turned to go after Cameron. He wanted to know how everything was possible. He needed to know what happened to her after she left. He wanted to know how things turned out in the past.

It was one of the reasons why he'd sent her away. He wanted the things for his younger self, which he felt he'd been denied. He felt fate didn't want him to have them. He didn't want the same loneliness and emptiness for his younger self. There was a way to 'fix things'. There was a way to change things. It was Cameron. He'd also needed to protect Cameron from the anti-Metal faction in the Resistance.

Future John tried to pull away from Future Allison to try to stop Cameron. He needed to get her back. She was very important to him.

Future Allison grabbed Future John's arm tighter when she saw he was going to go after Cameron. Cameron told her it was how events would play out. She was ready to stop him. It was the only thing Cameron ever asked of her. She intended to deliver.

Future John tried to pull away. He was almost frantic. His love for Cameron drew him away. He wanted Cameron. He needed Cameron. He struggled to break free of Future Allison.

Future Allison needed to contain Future John right now. She needed to speak with determination.

"STOP!" Future Allison said sternly.

Future John still struggled some.

"I have to go after her." Future John said.

Future Allison knew Cameron needed to leave on her own terms.

"Let her go!" Future Allison pleaded. "Cameron needs to have free choice in this matter."

Future John looked in the direction where Cameron left.

"I need to get her, Allison." Future John said. "I need to."

Future Allison held Future John tightly. The struggle slowed. She knew what was important to Cameron.

"Give her the dignity to leave on her own accord, by her own choice." Future Allison said. "It's her choice, this time. Please STOP. She did this for YOU. John, she did this for US."

Future Allison held him firmly. She wasn't going to let go. The struggle stopped. She wanted to make her commitment clear. She was well acquainted with what her function and duties would be going forward.

"You don't need her, it's what I'm for." Future Allison said.

Future John relaxed. His body seemed to slump in defeat. Allison was back and he needed to appreciate what Cameron somehow did for him. Instead of focusing on what was gone, he needed to focus on what was there. It was a miracle in itself. He thought Allison was dead. She was clearly alive and there. Someone he thought was gone forever, was with him again.

"Allison, I'm so happy you're back." Future John said.

Future Allison could see how torn Future John was. She already knew the answer before she asked the question. Maybe she just needed to hear it.

"Do you love her?" Future Allison asked.

Future John didn't even need to think about it.

"Yes!" Future John said.

Future Allison wondered where it left her.

"Do you love her more than me?" Future Allison asked.

Future John paused as he hung his head slightly. He didn't answer.

Future Allison was aware some of Cameron's files were deleted. It was more than a few.

"Did you make love to her?" Future Allison asked.

Future John looked nervous.

"No." Future John said too quickly.

Future Allison decided to re-frame the question. There was a distinction in terminology.

"Did you have sex with her?" Future Allison asked.

Now Future John looked guilty.

"No." Future John said even quicker.

Future Allison wasn't sure if she believed him. It didn't look like he was going to 'come clean'. Cameron told her Future John could have erased those files before he sent her away, so she didn't know for sure.

Future Allison almost asked Future John if he wanted to be with Cameron, but she already knew the answer to it. She wanted the same thing herself. To be around Cameron all the time, made one love her and want to share with her. She was simply like no other.

"She's a remarkable individual, John. I've never met another like her, either human or a cyborg." Future Allison said. "I can honestly say that."

Future John still looked guilty.

Future Allison smiled at Future John. She didn't want him on the defensive. Not right now anyway. There would be time later on to figure out any additional details. Maybe it was something best left alone. Cameron told her some things were best left forgotten. Cameron was very special to her. She wanted Future John to know exactly where she stood on the subject. She felt it was important the truth was known. There'd been no physical aspect to their relationship. It was all emotional. She was aware emotions were much stronger than any physical connection. Emotions were what ruled humans, not physical gratification.

"I love her too, John." Future Allison said. "I'm not ashamed of it. I love her the same as I love you and Savannah. She's returned me to you and Savannah. I would go with her right now if she would take me. I would be gone in an instant. I wouldn't think twice, or ever look back. I love Cameron."

Future John looked into Future Allison's eyes. He didn't want to lose her again. There were thousands of thoughts bouncing around inside of his head. Every time he tried to sort one out, there were a dozen more which interrupted him and got in the way. He wondered how much of it was real. He knew it was all of it.

"Please stay." Future John said. "I'm still trying to process everything which has just occurred. All of a sudden, there's a lot for me to take in."

Future Allison could understand it. She felt the same way too and she'd been with Cameron for months. There was always the scope of unreality to everything. It was almost like a dream, which someone couldn't wake up from. There were always events which proved it was really happening. She wanted to make sure Future John understood the sacrifices Cameron experienced to reunite them. She believed they were substantial. She didn't know how many people could make the same choice, and stay with it, as Cameron needed to do.

"She gave up her life and her future to come back and save me, John." Future Allison said. "She gave up everything for you and for me. She gave it all up for US."

Future John was at a loss to understand everything.

"Why?" Future John asked.

Future Allison smiled faintly.

"She did it because she loves you." Future Allison said.

Future John looked in the direction Cameron left a few seconds ago again. With Future Allison's revelation, he wanted to go after Cameron. He didn't want to let her go.

Future Allison became emotional as she tried to explain. She noticed where Future John looked. It irritated her a little bit.

"She gave up everything to allow me to live. She wanted you to have a future. She said without her in your life, you would kill yourself." Future Allison said. "I think she was right."

He thought about what Future Allison just said. It left a sick feeling in his stomach. If Cameron wouldn't have come for him the way she did. It would be over. He would be dead. She would have rescued Allison for nothing.

It was clear to Future John that Cameron knew. She KNEW. How could she KNOW?

'She must have truly loved me.' Future John thought.

Future John was even sorrier now he'd sent her away. He didn't want the anti-Metal faction to kill her, terminate her. He was well aware the 'Cameron' he just saw, would have gone after the anti-Metal faction herself if she decided to stay. There wasn't a doubt in his mind. It was clear she wanted him to have a peaceful existence with Future Allison and Future Savannah.

Future Allison wanted the future which Cameron laid out for her.

"She wants us to have a future together, John. It can be Savannah, you and me, if you will allow Savannah back into our lives." Future Allison said. "Cameron wants Savannah back with me. She wants her back with us. I want Savannah back."

Future John figured he better get it in motion right away. He was very aware Future Savannah and Future Allison loved each other more than either one of them loved him. They would be happy to be a pair again without him. He needed to change some to keep them. Cameron opened the door for him. It was right in front of him.

Future Allison looked into Future John's eyes.

"She told me she could no longer exist knowing she'd terminated your children before they could be born." Future Allison said. "Can't you see how she must have 'hurt' herself to do all this for us? It hurts me deeply just to think about it, and I am the one who benefits the most from all this. I get to live. I get my life back. We all get each other again. Cameron told me right before she left to bring you back: 'All is, as it was'."

Future John held Future Allison tighter.

He was really at a loss for words with everything which just happened. It all seemed like it was his fault somehow. He wasn't quite sure, but somehow it must be.

Future Allison didn't want Future John to get sidetracked. She didn't want him to go down a path he didn't need to go.

"We can go on, John." Future Allison said. "We have a future. We can have a family and children of our own, along with Savannah. All three of us can be together again, John, and all our children."

Future John wanted a family sometimes. He could see it was a real possibility now. For awhile the door had been closed. With the loss of Future Allison, he'd sent Future Savannah away to protect her.

"I want the same thing, Allison." Future John said.

Future Allison was thrilled. It was something Cameron drilled into her head over and over.

"So do I, John." Future Allison said.

Future John thought for a few moments. Future Allison just laid out a bunch of information for him. They started to sink into his mind. There were a few things he heard he needed to know more about.

"What do you mean Cameron gave up her future?" Future John asked.

Cameron told Future Allison of all the changes the Resistance made in the past. Skynet made changes too.

"She can't get back to her timeline." Future Allison said. "She can't get back to the past, to her past, to her life."

It didn't make sense to Future John. It seemed pretty straight forward. He'd just sent Cameron into the past a little over an hour ago.

"Why not?" Future John asked.

Future Allison didn't know tech stuff very well. Cameron did lay it out for her.

"There's more than one timeline. There are different futures and pasts now. Everything we do, or they do in the past, changes things." Future Allison said. "Every change has repercussions."

Future John could see the underlying issue.

"She sacrificed everything for me, Allison?" Future John asked.

They both knew sacrifice was the true test of love.

"Everyone sacrifices for John Connor." Future Allison said.

Future Allison looked at Future John. She wanted to make things as clear as possible.

"We've been together for months. I'm in the best health I've been in for years. She took care of me like a mother. She taught me so many things. She made these clothes for me by hand. She made me look this pretty, just for you. She did everything for you, John. She did it for you and for me, for US." Future Allison said. "LOOK at what she's done. THAT is love."

Future John and Future Allison sobbed in each other's arms.

He felt the need to try and do more for Cameron. He at least needed to do something to help her. There had to be something they could do.

"Is there any way we can help her?" Future John asked. "I need to try to help her. We need to help her."

Future Allison was aware of Cameron's plan and how it would play out.

"No. She said she will search throughout time to get back to where she now belongs, until her power cell runs out, or she's terminated." Future Allison said.

Future John thought about the words and the commitment behind them.

"It almost sounds romantic, even if it's in a strange way." Future John said.

Future Allison wanted to show Future John everything. She also wanted to keep him where he was to buy time for Cameron to 'escape'. Future John could disrupt her plans if he tried.

"Look at all the things she made for me. She would go out when I was asleep and get food, provisions and materials. She stockpiled things in the past to have available for me." Future Allison said. "She always found clean water for me to drink and clean myself with. Sometimes we would help each other wash. Cameron said, 'Sometimes it's nice to have help'."

Future John was saddened by everything he heard and had done.

"Can we go back to our bunker now?" Future John asked. "I want to go 'home'."

Future Allison felt she'd given Cameron the time she asked for to 'escape'. She hadn't wanted Future John to meddle with her departure.

"She only wanted time to leave in peace with dignity." Future Allison said. "I ask for you to honor her request. I never ask for much. I do ask for that."

Future John looked at the door again and nodded. Cameron went through a lot of effort to return Allison to him. He realized it must have been deeply personal to her to accomplish the task. Cameron could have come back to him, but she didn't. She provided him with what she believed he wanted the most. He thought it was a very selfless act. His respect for Cameron went up even higher.

"OK." Future John said.

There were so many feelings Future Allison felt. She couldn't even express all of them at one time.

"John, she taught me about so many things. She taught so much. She gave me back the feeling of honor and self worth I'd lost. She showed me how to make my drawings better and how to paint. She showed me how to express myself through poems. Here, look, she recreated her poem book for me." Future Allison said. "It's her thoughts and feelings, John. It is a look into her mind. It's the most beautiful thing I've ever read."

Future Allison took the book out.

MY STORY

(Art Of The Mind)

By

NOBODY

Future John took the book and held it. He gently touched it as if it were Cameron herself. Maybe this was all that was left of her now.

"Why does it say, 'By Nobody'?" Future John asked.

It was the very question she'd asked Cameron.

"She said it was because of the way everyone MADE her feel, and the way she was treated." Future Allison said.

Future John read a few of Cameron's poems. Pain stabbed his heart. He felt guilty.

"Was she referring to me?" Future John asked very worriedly.

Future Allison knew the answer to his question somewhat.

"Yes and no." Future Allison said.

Future John read some more. It was amazing how much Cameron had evolved. He really worried about how much Cameron remembered about her 'past' with him and what they'd experienced together. If he wasn't the one responsible for all her anguish and pain, who was? Maybe there was something he could do about it. Nobody deserved to feel this way. He wanted to know more. He needed to know more.

"Who did this to her?" Future John asked. "I can see and understand what you meant about how this is a record of her mind, her feelings and emotions, her deepest sadness and sorrow."

"John, she gave up her life and her husband for us." Future Allison said. "She gave up EVERYTHING."

Future John tried to process her last few words. It was about the last thing he'd ever expected to hear regarding Cameron. He needed to clarify her statement and make sure he'd heard her correctly.

"Did you say her husband?" Future John asked in shock. "Cameron is - married?"

Future Allison thought it was wonderful.

"Yes." Future Allison said.

A strong sense of anger and jealousy flooded Future John.

"Is he the bastard who made her feel like this?" Future John asked.

Future Allison knew it was a large contributing factor.

"Yes." Future Allison said.

Future John would like to beat some sense into whoever it was before he killed him. He didn't agree to torture, but he would make an exception for the person who'd hurt Cameron in such a grievous way.

"Who is the bastard?" Future John asked.

Future Allison wasn't sure how it was going to go over based on his reactions so far.

"YOU are. Cameron is married to you, John." Future Allison said. "In the past, you're her husband."

Closing monologue by Cameron:

Let Them Go

When do you hang on
When do you let go
How it will all end
There's no way to know

Is what you think you have
Really what is there
Or is the only hold on them
Something one need to beware

You can reach out and grab
But what is it you actually grasp
To hold too tight is to smother
If the other can only gasp

Two won't always be one
Some things aren't meant to be
You already know the ending
Yet refuse to understand or see

Sacrifice is the true test of love
Honor and dignity you can bestow
Sometimes when you love someone
You need to let them go

Nobody