Chapter 54

Why

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Resistance Base - Current Timeline:

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John sat alone in his room. Cameron was gone and not coming back. John Henry was right, if Cameron was able to return, she would have done so already. It was her plan. It was the plan she laid out to John Henry. It's how they knew she failed. Now the time was past and Cameron wasn't there. She was nowhere to be seen. There was nothing. Nobody was there. It was over. Cameron was gone. Game Over.

He felt beaten and defeated. He was finished. It was all for nothing. Everything was for nothing. Maybe it was the story of his life. Where was he supposed to go? What was he supposed to do? None of it seemed to matter anymore. It seemed he'd spent his whole life running. He was tired of running. He was tired of everything.

John tried to think of some reason to go on. There was none. Without Cameron at his side, there was no purpose to life. The Hell of Judgment Day was nothing to look forward to. It would mean more suffering and misery for those around him, and billions of others. He didn't want to see those closest to him die, one by one. There seemed to be a trail of bodies following him wherever he went. There were a lot of good people who died because of him. What did they die for? It was for nothing. He didn't want to see the females he loved savaged and violated. Why did people he associated with need to die at all? They'd all be alive if it wasn't for him. He was the one responsible for their deaths. Was there anything to look forward to? Right now, he couldn't see a single thing. The future was ugly and violent.

He looked at Cameron's Poem Book and both of their rings on top of it. He'd already read it several times. It seemed to only reinforce the way he currently felt. It wasn't what called to him right now. It was Cameron's Glock next to them, which attracted him. It was the weapon Cameron often carried with her when she conducted her 'one woman' operations. It was the weapon Cameron carried with her as she sought an honorable termination in combat.

Cameron's Glock 'called' to him. He could almost hear it say his name. It promised him an easy out. It would be so simple and quick. He could almost imagine it. In fact, it's what he'd just done. He felt the need to escape. Escape was freedom. There was no pain once the 'lights were out'. The worry and hurt went away. It couldn't touch him from the 'other side'.

John picked up the Glock, Cameron's Glock.

Freedom was at hand. Cameron mentioned she 'wanted to get away from it all'. There was a way. It was right there in front of him.

The plastic grip was cold. The metal slide was even colder. He could feel the 'front heavy' feel all pistols with plastic frames had. He looked at the 'safety' on the trigger. He wondered how it was really a 'safety'. Anyone who put their finger on the trigger and pulled it, also actuated the 'safety'. He remembered hearing about a young child who shot his father with one. If anyone pulled the trigger, the gun fired - BAM. It was just that simple. He much preferred the 'real' safety on an M9 or 1911-A1. Those felt like real guns too. Somehow metal seemed better than plastic to him.

He was pretty sure if plastic was better than metal, then an entire engine would be made out of plastic instead of mostly metal. If plastic was better than metal, then Terminators would have a plastic endoskeleton instead of one made out of metal. Who were the people who sold plastic firearms trying to fool?

He shook his head to clear it. His mind was drifting. Now he wasn't even sure what he'd just thought about. Since he wasn't sure what it was, he wasn't sure why he'd even thought about it. He needed to complete another task. There was no point in putting it off any longer. It was time. He had a ticket to ride. He planned to use it.

John pulled back the slide and held it open. He looked at the top round in the magazine.

'It's you'. John thought. 'You're the one.'

He let the slide go. It stripped the top round from the magazine into the chamber.

Without Cameron, life had no purpose.

John raised the pistol to the side of his head. His finger tightened on the trigger.

"I love you, Cameron, and you love me." John said aloud.

Eternity was here.

"I love you, John, and you love me."

He felt a hand close over his as it moved the pistol away from the side of his head.

John spun around. "Cameron!"

Wait.

It looked like Allison.

"I'm sorry, but I hoped it would stop you." Allison said. "I'm not sure why I even said it. I only wanted to bring Cameron's clothes back. She'll need them when she returns. I didn't want to disturb your private moment, but it looks like I did, just in time."

John looked at Allison and then at the Glock in his hand. He wasn't even sure why he'd even picked it up in the first place. Did it really 'call' his name? It sure seemed like it.

"I don't know what I was thinking, Allison." John said.

He felt very confused and unsure of everything.

"I don't either. I'm sorry to interrupt, but I'm not sorry I interrupted." Allison said. "Please don't ever try it again."

Allison wanted to give him something to think about. Maybe she should tell him the next time he thought about 'what almost happened', she would ask to put his head next to hers and he could put the bullet through her head before it would go into his. She decided not to say it. It looked like he wanted to say something else. She knew he needed to talk about it. Maybe she did too.

John wanted to justify what almost happened.

"I don't think she is coming back, Allison." John said.

He felt the urge to 'leave', flood him again. Allison's presence quelled it some.

Allison didn't know what to believe. She was sure Cameron had a good idea of how things would play out. They were pretty much the way they did.

"Cameron didn't think so either." Allison said with tears in her eyes. "I'm not keeping her things, just in case. To keep them would acknowledge she won't return. I can't do it. I won't do it."

Allison didn't want to be the one to 'kill' Cameron through selfish actions. She didn't want it to be on her, if Cameron never did return. She wasn't about to give up hope yet.

John still couldn't fathom why when everything seemed so good, Cameron would leave. Their lives were really just getting started. There was a new future for both of them to look forward to. There was no need to look to the past. The past was littered with death and destruction. It just didn't make sense to him.

"Why did she do it?" John asked. "Why did she leave?"

Cameron previously confided in Allison and Vanna at different times.

"Vanna and I have both talked honestly with her about many things." Allison said. "John, she NEEDED to. Her guilt and remorse for killing HER future 'me' - Future Allison, was tearing her apart. You saw her hand would glitch all the time. Her guilt for taking away the woman future 'you' - Future John loved, was overwhelming. There was quilt about the children which were never born. It left Future John all alone without anyone. It was more than she could take anymore. John, she's more 'human' now than we are. She's a better person than I could ever be."

Allison was sure Cameron was a better individual than her.

John often wondered about what Allison indicated. There were times when Cameron seemed 'human'. There were other times where she was a cold blooded killer. He was glad she was able to share her 'feelings' with Allison and Vanna. He understood sometimes when someone was 'too close', they couldn't be as open or honest with them. He'd often felt that way with his mother, and her for him. There was a lot more they could have done to support each other. It just didn't happen. He was sure it was as much his fault as it was his mother's. He was drifting. Allison's words brought him back to now.

"I know we all need time to process everything. John, both Vanna and I are here for you for whatever you need or want, so you may continue on. I want to make it clear it means – anything. It's our choice as well." Allison said. "We both promised Cameron we would provide for you. It really ripped Cameron apart because she couldn't provide you with YOUR child, or YOUR children. She asked Vanna and I if we would consider having a child with you as the father. We both agreed we would. We're both here for you. We promised Cameron, and promised ourselves, to make it all work. Either one of us, or both of us, will come to you. We will never abandon you. We can all find comfort and love in each other. You'll never be alone."

John thought about Cameron making them promise themselves, and their future, to him. They would do it too, to honor Cameron. He was sure it must have 'taxed' everyone inside. It still seemed like a pretty heavy trip to lay on someone. Somehow it seemed exactly like something Cameron would do.

"I do understand what you're saying." John said. "How could she do all of this to herself? It had to be torture. How could she do this to you?"

Allison glanced at the Glock that John still held.

"Maybe if you look in your right hand, you'll have just answered your own question." Allison said. "Don't think you're the only one who's thought about it. You know what I mean."

John looked at the Glock in his hand. He wondered why he was even still holding it. It was Cameron's Glock. He should treat it with dignity, not make it an implement of stupidity. He couldn't help but feel a little foolish.

"I'm sorry about this." John said.

Allison took the Glock from his hand, and gently touched his cheek.

"It will be our secret." Allison said.

She removed the magazine and ejected the round from the chamber. She placed the round it back in the magazine. She put the magazine back into the Glock. She then placed it back in the dresser drawer and closed it.

"I guess this is an option she didn't have. Her own 'suicide' was to put the man she loved into the arms of another, or others. The difference over Riley, is Cameron chose her 'replacements'. It was HER choice." John said. "Not one someone did to her, but whom SHE chose."

Allison thought the answer was easy. It applied to all of them.

"Everyone sacrifices for John Connor." Allison added.

After Allison was sure John wasn't going to do anything foolish, she left. She would have been more than willing to let him have a 'little more' if he wanted it. She would do whatever it took to make him want to think about tomorrow. When there was no longer a 'tomorrow', today didn't matter.

She wanted to find Vanna or Sarah. She wanted them to also keep a watch on John for a little while. She wasn't going to tell them what she'd walked in on. She would only say she was worried about him. She was worried about him. She was very worried about him. She believed by leaving the Glock in the room with him, he would be less likely to pick it up again. She wanted to show him she trusted him. It would give him one more thing to think about. Hopefully he would remember the words she'd spoken to him.

The loss of Cameron was a severe blow to all of them.

She wanted to speak with Savannah about it, or have Vanna speak with her. She knew Savannah's love for Cameron was pure, true and honest. It was also very deep.

Allison was aware of the admiration and devotion Savannah felt and expressed toward Cameron. She didn't know how committed to the future, and John, that Savannah was. It was more than the urging and 'training' by Cameron. It was more than the promises which were made to Cameron.

She saw Savannah was talking to John Henry about it when she walked up to speak with her. She decided to notify Sarah and Vanna about John instead. She would also head back to check on him as soon as she told them. She knew he'd have a little time to think about what almost occurred. She wanted to make sure he made the right choice.

Savannah was very upset about Cameron 'leaving'.

"John Henry, why did Cameron have to go?" Savannah asked. "Why did she go? She had everything she needed here."

John Henry tried to keep it simple.

"Cameron felt she needed to conduct a mission which was more important to her than her own happiness and future." John Henry said.

"Why?" Savannah asked.

"Her love for Future John and his happiness, and well being, was greater than her own happiness." John Henry said.

"Why?" Savannah asked.

"Cameron felt she took something away from Future John she needed to replace or fix." John Henry said. "She felt her past actions were wrong and she wanted to correct them."

Savannah wasn't so sure about everything John Henry said. She was sure about her future. She already knew what her future was going to be. She made sure Cameron understood it as well.

"Did you know I'm going to marry John when I grow up? Cameron asked me if I promised, I said 'yes'." Savannah said. "I'm going to keep my promise when I'm older. I asked her when I would be old enough. She said when the time was right, I would know. She said my body would 'tell me'."

John Henry wasn't pleased with the latest revelation. Savannah's body would 'tell her' a lot sooner than people would accept such a union, well, at least in the current time period. Only a couple of hundred years ago, it wouldn't have raised an eyebrow. Everything happened at an earlier age, because the average lifespan was only 30 to 35 years in length. Everything would be different after Judgment Day. The rules would no longer apply. It was evident it was an effective strategy to make sure John would have a mate and someone by his side.

"I was unaware of such a development. However it shows good planning. Cameron covers all the bases." John Henry said. "She doesn't like to leave anything to chance."

Savannah thought about the things Cameron told her. She wanted to do the same things.

"Cameron says she plays to win." Savannah said. "Cameron always wins."

John Henry could see Savannah's resolve and determination to honor Cameron.

"Evidently…." John Henry said.

Savannah knew an absolute truth in her heart. She didn't think the others should be so glum. It was only a matter of time until Cameron returned.

"Cameron is invincible." Savannah said. "Cameron is eternal."

John Henry didn't want Savannah to get her hopes too high. The rest of them knew Cameron didn't make it. The fact she wasn't there, was all the proof any of them needed.

"You don't know it for certain." John Henry said. "It's speculation. We need to stick with the facts. The facts are what everything needs to be based on."

There was a 'look of love' in Savannah's eyes. She was certain of what she felt.

"I KNOW it. I believe it. I have faith in her." Savannah said. "Cameron will be back."

John Henry was really worried now. He was aware Cameron 'made' Allison and Vanna promise to 'look after' John, and now evidently Savannah promised too. He was also aware of the protection order Cameron issued for Savannah and Young Allison. John Henry was impressed at such foresight. She wanted to make sure the females were protected after Judgment Day.

If Cameron returned, he would be careful of any 'game' he played with her. If Mrs. Weaver ever returned, she'd better be wary of challenging Cameron for anything. It was all IF Cameron ever returned. There must be a way. John Henry resumed his calculations. Cameron worked with him on some things to try. None of them looked promising. He wasn't about to quit. He would find John and head for the TDE room. Savannah's faith, determination, and love for Cameron motivated him. Savannah gave him hope.

John Henry was aware there were different timelines. Cameron could end up in the wrong one. There was no way to guide her to the correct one, besides luck.

Cameron was going to need more than luck. She needed a 'rope' or a 'lifesaver'.

John Henry worked on what he hoped might help. He was sure going to try. Savannah's belief motivated him.

Savannah watched John Henry go. She spoke softly to herself.

"I promise, Cammy." Savannah said.

"Cameron is invincible." Savannah said. "Cameron is eternal."

"I promise, Cammy." Savannah said.

She could feel Cameron was alive in her heart and mind.

She was the only one who believed it.

"Cameron is invincible." Savannah said. "Cameron is eternal."

"I promise, Cammy." Savannah said.

She repeated it over and over….

Closing monologue by Cameron:

Why

There are many people around us
How many can we truly satisfy
Any small misstep or error
They all want to magnify

Maybe some actions are harsh
They may even mortify
Sometimes it's necessary
In order to cleanse and purify

For what must be done
There's nothing I need to justify
The future writes itself
There's no need for an alibi

When the future catches the past
There are things I need to rectify
It affects the present
As past actions seem to bind and amplify

For those who remain behind
It was never meant for them to cry
I clearly made my case
Nobody needs to wonder why

Nobody