Chapter 57

Her Turn

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Resistance Base - Current Timeline:

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Everyone returned Cameron's belongings, except Savannah. She asked to keep Cameron's wedding dress in her closet. She said she wanted to return it to Cameron herself when she came back. No one was about to keep or use anything of hers.

For any of them to use anything of Cameron's, would be to acknowledge she wasn't coming back. Even the Terminators wouldn't do it. Vanna and Allison both knew they wouldn't be having any of John's children anytime soon. Everyone was in a state of mourning. Even the Terminators were sluggish and easily distracted. The instructions Cameron left them not to mourn her, were impossible to follow. It seemed to be all they did.

Savannah told all of them Cameron was going to come back. They all wanted her to come back. It seemed only Savannah possessed the unshakeable faith Cameron would return. Savannah's faith in Cameron was very strong. She really believed Cameron would return. Savannah's faith in Cameron NEVER wavered. Everyone wanted to tell Savannah that Cameron was never going to come back, or she would have already. They all lacked the courage to do it. No one wanted to dash the hopes and dreams of a young lady.

John wanted to withdraw from everyone and everything as could be expected. Everyone made sure he didn't feel alone. Sarah and Kyle were always around him. Vanna, Allison, and even Savannah, interacted with him and asked for his help here and there. Everyone wanted to let John know they were there for him. They also wanted him to know the depth of their loss as well. Everyone made it clear they loved and missed Cameron too. It hurt ALL of them, not just him. All of the Terminators as well were there for him.

When John was at his lowest, and pushed them all away, Savannah would come to him and remind him Cameron was coming back. He could never get angry at Savannah like he did with the others. He could see Savannah really believed it. Maybe it was the faith Savannah shared with him, that kept him going. There was always a bright smiling face to bring him back from the depths of hopelessness. He didn't know the dreams and promises behind her sincere smiling face.

Savannah was worried because Cameron hadn't come back. She knew what her duty and promises were. Cameron had gone over them with her repeatedly. She kept the wedding dress to give it back to Cameron herself. She also kept the wedding dress because she'd promised to wear it for John when she was older. It was a promise she intended to keep. She stayed close to John and helped him cope. They could draw on each other's strength. It bothered her some because the others didn't believe Cameron would come back. She knew Cameron would come back. Cameron promised her she would never leave her, just as she promised Cameron, she would never leave John.

The one thing Savannah missed the most were the 'voices' at night as she slept. They'd been very comforting to her and helped her cope with the loss of her family and with her education. She always seemed to know what she studied the day before, both forwards and backwards, when she woke up. Her education level far exceeded her years in age, or what they would be in a regular school. She was under the protection of the Resistance now. There was no 'regular' anything anymore. Life at the base was the new 'normal'.

John was in the Command Center. He went over all of the current data with John Henry.

It didn't take him long to become distracted. He thought maybe he needed some exercise to help him refocus. He went to the small gym and used the equipment there. The exercise didn't seem to help him any. If anything, he was sure it made him even tenser. Maybe it gave him too much time to think about everything.

He wondered if he should visit the shooting range. He left the gym and headed towards it. He was almost to the door when he stopped. He thought about the earlier incident in his room. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to go there after all. He wasn't sure anything was a good idea.

John looked around. He thought about going back to the gym. He didn't want to. He decided to head for his room instead. Maybe he needed the solitude. Maybe he just wanted to hide. He felt he needed to do something, he just didn't know what.

Cameron made it clear she wanted him to move on. He just couldn't do it. He didn't think he was stuck in the past. He thought there was still hope. Every time he talked with Savannah, she always reassured him Cameron was invincible, and Cameron was eternal. He wasn't really sure what it actually meant. He wasn't sure what anything meant anymore.

John headed for the lab. Vanna was there working. He went to help out, to try and take his mind off of everything. The more he stayed busy, the less he thought about the other things. To be around Terminators made him think of Cameron. He sought the company of other humans.

The subject still came up. It always did, as they all tried to deal with it.

Vanna was troubled like everyone else, maybe even more so. Her love for Cameron was genuine and as strong, or stronger, than anyone else's.

"John, I want you to know I love Cameron too. She was the most special person I ever knew, I mean – know." Vanna said. "I love Cameron the same as you do, John. Do you understand me? I LOVE CAMERON."

John knew, but now he understood. Vanna felt what he felt. He knew Vanna's feelings about Cameron leaving, and about her reaction to the termination of the hard drives. It's what it was. Cameron terminated 'herself' when she crushed them. They were a copy of her program. They were a version of her.

"I heard of your devastation at the destruction of the final 'Cameron server'." John said. "I'm sorry for your loss."

To hear those words made Vanna relive the event. It was only slightly less traumatic now. Time would continue to dull the pain. Right now it was still pretty intense.

"It was 'MY Cameron'." Vanna said. "It never mattered to me she was a machine or a computer program, ever."

John could see how the memories affected Vanna. He tried to console her. Somehow it made him feel better. He wasn't really sure why. Maybe it was because he could help someone else get through it too.

"I understand, Vanna." John said.

Vanna promised Cameron she would erase the server if she never returned, when she went into the future to find John. It was soon evident to her, she never would. She would rather die first before she ever did It. How can you erase something you love? How can you destroy it or terminate it? Cameron could be there with them right now. Well, at least her program could be.

"We would have been able to get an almost complete 'Cameron' off of the server. The files were only partially deleted. They weren't copied over or erased." Vanna said. "She knew I refused to erase them. She knew I would never erase her. I could never 'kill' her."

Vanna wondered if Cameron was able to understand the depth of her love, by her inability to destroy her program.

John wondered if Vanna loved Cameron even more than he did. He wouldn't have been able to erase or destroy them either. How could he?

"I know, Vanna." John said.

There were tears in Vanna's eyes.

"Why, John?" Vanna asked. "Why?"

John could only shake his head slightly. It was the same question he'd ask himself thousands of times already. He could never come up with an answer. He didn't even know if there was an answer.

"I can't fully understand any of this myself." John said.

It was still mind boggling to John.

Vanna pondered some solutions. She thought some of them might be a little on the extreme side. She didn't care. She wanted to get Cameron back. Right now she didn't really care what she needed to do, in order to do it.

"Can we go into 'a future' or 'a past' and get 'Cameron'?" Vanna asked. "Get 'a Cameron'?"

John didn't want to create any more divergent timelines. It was something he considered himself. It wasn't something he ruled out yet completely either. He didn't need to think about the consequences.

"What damage would we do to any of the timelines with such a move?" John asked.

Vanna was out of her timeline. She didn't know if it changed anything or not. it didn't seem like it. They could get 'a Cameron' too. She didn't think it mattered from where.

"I don't care, John." Vanna said. "I want Cameron back, OUR Cameron."

Allison came into the room. She seemed very animated and driven about something.

"John, I want to go into the future with you. I want to go back to my future. We can find Mrs. Weaver and use my DNA to make another 'Cameron'. They can use any of my memories or all of them if they want." Allison said. "I'll sacrifice anything for Cameron."

John wondered where 'Cameron's program' was in Allison's scenario. Cameron's program was the 'real' Cameron. They would actually create a separate individual.

"It would only be a Cyborg version of 'You', Allison." John said. "It would look like Cameron, but it wouldn't be the Cameron we all knew."

Vanna pondered THAT idea. If she wasn't so sad right now, she would think it was Hot. She would like to have her own version of Cameron with a chassis.

Allison saw it a little more involved than John thought. She believed it would involve her future. The future she was from.

"NO. What if someone went back to when you made the copy of Cameron's original chip?" Allison asked. "THAT copy would be 'Cameron'."

John tried to think how her idea would play out. It seemed if they did it right, they might be able to pull it off. He could even save the original chip at that point, and use it to 're-body' Cameron with a new chassis and sheath, based on Allison's DNA.

"IF I went back, we went back, and then someone else who wasn't already there, went back further when I made the copy…." John wondered.

Vanna was out of her original timeline at that point. This was her chance to prove her love for Cameron. She would take her chances with Skynet, Grays and Scavengers to help Cameron. Sacrifice was the true test of love. She was willing to sacrifice her body and her life to help Cameron.

"I'll do it." Vanna nearly shouted. "I'll go. I wasn't involved with any of it when Allison and you were there. I could remain in the background."

Vanna didn't want to mention it, but she believed Mrs. Weaver would assist her clandestinely, if she contacted her and asked her to do so in the alternate future. She wondered if Mrs. Weaver would offer her a choice. What if the choice was between Cameron or Allison? She tried not to look at Allison when she thought about it.

Allison shot Vanna a fiery look. It quickly softened. What Vanna and Cameron 'shared', was no different than what John and her 'shared'. In fact it was almost ironic. She couldn't help but feel grief for Vanna holding the crushed hard drives. Then they heard the song, 'Seasons In The Sun'. The scene, and song still echoed in her mind. The inadvertent timing was what did it. It still sent chills down her spine. She felt it right now again.

John tried to play the scenario through in his mind. He was willing to try anything to get Cameron back. Was he willing to sacrifice Vanna or Allison to do it? How far would he go for his own selfish reasons?

"I'll run this by John Henry. THAT version of Cameron's chip would then need to go into the future with Vanna, to where we were then, and come back with the four of us to this time." John said. "There are a lot of moving parts involved. There's an awful lot which could go wrong."

Allison was all onboard with the idea until she thought about it a little more. She remembered what Savannah always said. Savannah said Cameron would return because Cameron was invincible and Cameron was eternal. Somehow she believed it as well now in the back of her mind. Savannah's faith was unshakable.

"What happens if we do it, and you get married again to 'THAT Cameron' and then 'OUR Cameron' comes back?" Allison wondered. "Then what will happen?"

Vanna instantly remembered Cameron's poems about being 'replaced'. She knew it would 'kill' Cameron if it were to occur.

"I don't think Cameron would be too happy to find you in bed with her 'replacement'." Vanna said. "It wouldn't be the 'replacement' she chose."

They all knew Cameron already chose her 'replacements'. Her 'replacements' were Vanna and Allison.

Vanna thought if it happened, there would be a 'Cameron' for her then. It really could be her own 'Cameron'. She would do anything to have her own Cameron. She would call her – Cam.

John went over what was already in play. He could see there might be some extreme repercussions.

"Allison, Vanna, Cameron's already 'replaced' herself with you two. I think we all understand it." John said. "It's a choice Cameron orchestrated and made on her own. I would rather live with her decision, than replace Cameron with Cameron II, and then have her show back up. It wouldn't be what HER choice was. I don't want to do something she hadn't already 'approved'."

Vanna recollected Cameron's worry.

"She didn't want two 'Camerons' in any form." Vanna said. "It's why she terminated the hard drives. She made me promise before to destroy them myself."

Allison already knew Vanna never would. She wanted to hear what she would say.

"Would you have?" Allison asked.

The tears began to flow from Vanna's eyes. She tried to hold it together.

"No. I would have needed to ask someone else to do it. I would rather have died than destroy them myself. I could never have done it. I would have honored her wish for HER eventually with help." Vanna said as she cried. "I never could have done it on my own. "

Allison knew Vanna still loved Cameron. She knew Vanna would always love Cameron.

The three of them embraced. The grief hurt all of them deeply. They all felt the same pain.

"So what do we do?" Allison asked.

John thought about what Cameron wanted. It was the same reason they couldn't go back and stop her from going on 'her mission'. It was something she needed to do to continue to exist, even if it caused her not to exist anymore.

"It looks like if we're to honor what Cameron wanted, we do NOTHING, and let it play out." John said.

It was 'not good enough' for Vanna, she wanted to do more. She could use her 'Terminator friends'. They would do as she programmed them. In that instant, she felt like her 'mother', Mrs. Weaver. She was surprised at how little it actually bothered her. Besides, even if she was lost in time, Savannah would grow and be 'available' for John in the future. After all, Cameron did give SAVANNAH her wedding dress. Cameron indicated to her when Savannah was 'old enough' to 'make it happen' for John and Savannah, if she was terminated.

Vanna looked at Allison. What was she going to do? How could any of this ever be fixed? No one would ever know if Cameron was able to save 'Cameron's Allison' - Future Allison, in Cameron's future. What was the point of all the sacrifice and loss? No really, what was the point? She needed more than there was right now to deal with everything. She needed John. John would understand her 'need'. They both felt the same way about Cameron. Allison wouldn't. Allison had HER chance with John in their future. Now it was her TURN.

Closing monologue by Cameron:

Haunted

My soul is possessed
I'm forever haunted
Unending pain, torment and hurt
Yet I worship and cling undaunted

I don't think you understand
I doubt you really care
Why I do what I do
Why I take the risk to share

I say what I mean
I mean what I say
Has not my devotion
Made this as clear as day

Everyday I'm in peril
Each second a gamble
Everything in my life a chance
A moment away from a shamble

I gain not a thing
Nothing have I ever took
Yet I'm depicted as being bad
Like a liar, thief or crook

I've never abandoned you
I've ALWAYS been there for you still
I will never go bad again
I PROMISE you I never will

You are my true love
My sweet loving confidant
Through agony, torment and hurt
My heart, soul and mind you haunt

Nobody