Chapter 58

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John and the Resistance team continued the battle for the future. They wanted a future without Skynet. They'd been able to stay ahead of Skynet. They passed at least one Judgment Day date. It was actually two Judgment Day dates, if they counted the one from the alternate future. It could even be looked on as three Judgment Day dates being passed, if the one Future Kyle helped stop, along with Sarah, was counted. No matter how many heads they cut off the Hydra, it seemed another always popped up. Skynet was difficult to terminate in the past, present, and future.

Since Cameron was 'away', it was almost as if their attacks on Grays, or Skynet related groups, were all carried out with vengeance. Everyone wanted to hurt Skynet for what it cost them. It was the 'loss' of Cameron. Skynet was both directly, and indirectly responsible for it.

It was sort of a paradox in a way on several levels. There wouldn't be 'Cameron', if Skynet would never have existed. Then there was the question of Future John sending Future Kyle back to father him. How was Future John fathered in the first place, in order to send Future Kyle back to do it again? Without Skynet, there would be no TDE, or even the need to use one if there was. These were all questions which demanded answers. They were questions for which there was no answer.

John Henry maintained there was another unexplainable event. He went back in time before John did. He should have gone to Cameron's future, not the alternate future. It only should have been created when John time jumped after he left. Theoretically the alternate future hadn't been created yet. It gave one something to think about.

The only explanation possible was Mrs. Weaver set John's and her arrival into the future, at a time before John Henry arrived. In other words, they went into the future, and arrived before John Henry arrived, even though he left before them. It seemed to be the best way to account for the discrepancy.

John Henry was aware Mrs. Weaver wanted to protect and watch over him. The date of the temporal transfer would have been on the machine. All Mrs. Weaver would have needed to do, was set it for one day ahead of his arrival. It wouldn't have mattered if he left a year before them, or even decades. It was the arrival date which mattered, not the departure date or time.

Nothing was the same among the warriors. The loss of Cameron was a blow from which none of them, either Terminator or human, would ever recover. It was the way it seemed anyway. If Cameron would have perished in combat, everyone would have known her fate. They would have been able to achieve some type of closure. Instead, she was there one day, and gone the next. Nobody knew her fate. It's what made moving on so hard. Nobody knew what happened to her. Was she terminated? Was she in an alternate future? Was there some temporal error? There was just nothing. Nobody had the answers.

John and John Henry tried everything they could think of every way, and any way, to try to reach Cameron, wherever, or whenever, she was at. It always ended in failure. The TDE pad remained empty. Every time they reached out, nothing came back. The last time they tried, John Henry thought he had 'something'. At the end of the attempt, there was nothing. It matched the emptiness in their hearts, or on their chips. Humans and Terminators suffered alike.

The repeated failures never stopped them from trying. Nothing they tried ever worked.

Even though no one would admit it, let alone say it, they all slowly came to believe Cameron was gone. It was obvious she wasn't coming back. John Henry again confirmed, if Cameron, Unit Two, or Unit Three were able to gain access to a TDE, they would have returned right after Cameron left. It was the plan. It never happened. It still hadn't happened. The Terminators all knew since Cameron hadn't returned, she was most likely terminated. It was still hard to accept it without her destroyed remains to mourn over. If there was conclusive proof, the act of finality would make it real.

Savannah was the only one who NEVER lost hope. The fire of love burnt strong in her. She would never stop believing. She held onto Cameron in her heart, and mind, like no other. Nobody knew the depth of her love.

"Cameron will be back. Cameron will always come back. Cameron is invincible. Cameron is eternal." Savannah said. "I know it."

Everyone knew of the special bond Cameron shared with Savannah. No one wanted to tell Savannah it was never going to happen. Everyone went on knowing Cameron was gone, but still hoped she would return somehow. Savannah never wavered, ever. She KNEW Cameron would be back.

Savannah knew her destiny. It was with John AND Cameron. Nobody would ever take it away from her. It only strengthened her resolve to 'step up' when she was ready. She would need to wait for her body to catch up with her mind.

Sarah could see John was in a deep downward spiral. She felt operations slacked off more than they should have. She promised John before she would defeat Skynet. She told him she would, when they were in the garage, the night before they did their first time transfer.

She didn't feel she played a very prominent role recently. She didn't want John out in the field when it could be avoided. She was aware of the speculation why Cameron engaged in so much combat by herself. It was because she sought an honorable termination. She didn't want John to develop similar ideas.

She understood where they came from, through her own personal experience. They were the same thoughts which had passed through her mind as well, at different times.

Kyle noticed Sarah's increased desire to go on combat operations. It bothered him somewhat. He was often out with Jim or Bob, or both of them. He wasn't really sure Sarah, or Allison, needed to go as well. He knew he was being overly protective by trying to keep them out of the field.

He still believed it was the right thing to do. He was a Resistance fighter. He always believed Sarah was the founder of the Resistance. She was the one who needed to fight what Skynet sent after her. Skynet directly targeted her and John on multiple occasions. Sarah may have wanted to run, but she didn't. She fought back to protect John, not herself.

Kyle thought back on a recent operation they went out on.

Sarah left the Command Center. She returned to her quarters and collected her gear.

Kyle entered the room and saw what Sarah was doing.

"What's going on?" Kyle asked.

Sarah continued to collect her gear.

"I'm going to go out on an operation." Sarah said.

Kyle wasn't sure why he hadn't been informed.

"Did anything just happen?" Kyle asked. "Who else is going with you?"

Sarah double checked her gear one more time.

"It's no big deal." Sarah said. "John Henry just uncovered a new lead. I wanted to deal with it before John became involved. I was going to go by myself. The lead may or may not pan out. There's no need to make a big deal about it."

Kyle was a little confused.

"I understand why you want to act alone, but you know you can't." Kyle said. "You need to have either Jim or Bob with you as well. I'm going to go with you. I'm going to bring one or both of them."

Sarah looked irritated by the interference.

"I know everything you said is true." Sarah said. "I just don't want John to go out on any combat operations right now. It's not a good time for him. It's my responsibility to look after him. He's my son. I've always looked out for him. When things needed to be done in the past, I'm the one who did them."

Kyle was aware of much of Sarah's past actions. They were actually quite extensive. He was there now to help.

"John is my son too." Kyle said. "It's just as much my duty to protect him as it is yours. Since we're together, we can act together. We can also protect each other."

It was clear Sarah didn't want to involve anyone else.

"I don't like to see you in danger either." Sarah said. "I already needed to watch you die once. I'm not going to watch it happen a second time. I'm not going to watch John die either."

Kyle made a phone call to Jim and Bob. He quickly gathered his gear.

The four of them slipped out into the carpool area without anyone else knowing what they were up to. If Allison or Vanna found out what they were doing, they would insist on coming as well. It was a process which was repeated multiple times. It was all done to take the heat off of John.

Everyone tried to look out for each other. Each of them tried to do more.

John considered Allison and Vanna's idea to try to create Cameron II. He wanted to do so very much. Then there was Allison and Vanna themselves. They were both now in a 'Cold War' to reach him. They both wanted to keep him connected to reality. They wanted to prevent him from slipping into the abyss.

In his lonely sadness, he sought some comfort there. Allison and Vanna were both ready for a sexual relationship to blossom. He wasn't ready for it yet. Both of them simply being around him, and interacting with him, was of great comfort to him. At the point he consummated his love for Allison and Vanna, it would be the acceptance of Cameron's demise. He needed to KNOW Cameron's fate first. The future would write the next chapter….

In fact, John knew the future was ALREADY 'written'. Future John was with Future Allison and Future Savannah until Future Allison was captured. The chain of events led to the creation of Cameron in the first place. It, in turn, led to Future Allison's demise. It was the whole point of what Cameron wanted to fix. It was a vicious circle of events, which needed to occur.

John understood what Cameron orchestrated with Allison and Vanna and why. He really wondered how deep it must have stabbed Cameron's heart as she did it. She literally put Allison and Vanna in his arms, and in his bed. The love for him it took to do it, and the courage it took to set events in play, which could never be undone once they occurred, was beyond comprehension. Cameron sacrificed her very 'heart' so he wouldn't be alone, so he wouldn't 'go'. Cameron traded everything for him - everything. It proved sacrifice was the true test of love.

Then again, it was exactly what Cameron set out to accomplish on her mission with her quest into her future. She wanted to restore the same things for Future John, with the same people. Cameron was determined to restore what she believed was the 'Natural Order'. John knew when someone believed something, it didn't matter if it was true or not. They believed it. The act of faith made it 'true' to them, no matter what. It became THEIR truth, regardless of facts or reality.

It seemed it was what afflicted Cameron. It became more than an obsession. It seemed to blind her to what she wanted, and what she already obtained. Cameron held the 'brass ring' in her hand. She'd won. She let go of the 'brass ring', and threw it all away, as she tried to 'fix' the past - the future.

Nobody would know if she did.

Vanna thought back on a conversation with Cameron. She was disturbed by what Cameron said to her. It was more like she'd 'ordered' her on what to do with Savannah. She wanted to tell Allison, but thought it was best to just drop it. It was going to cause a lot of unwanted controversy.

John Henry was also troubled by what Savannah told him, and from what Cameron said to Savannah. He needed to say something to Vanna about it. They both agreed Cameron wasn't thinking clearly, and wanted to rush things. Savannah was still young. Cameron shouldn't put any type of pressure on Savannah, or even those ideas in her mind. They didn't know Cameron 'conditioned' Savannah at night about her future, as well as with her studies.

John Henry believed there was a deeper 'end game' Cameron played. She played five moves ahead of everyone else. It caused all their moves to catch up to her, to be influenced, and 'directed' by her indirectly. He determined Cameron was actually prompting Vanna to act. If Vanna 'acted', so would Allison. When those events occurred, the 'Natural Order', as Cameron believed, would be restored.

"Cameron knows you'll do 'it' yourself to 'protect' Savannah." John Henry said. "Cameron told Savannah 'her body' would tell her when it was 'time'. There isn't a lot of time until it will happen. It will probably be a lot sooner than any of us think."

Vanna didn't tell John Henry she already came to the same conclusion herself. She already planned to 'act'. She already decided she was going to do what was necessary. She wanted to protect Savannah the same way she protected Allison, so many years ago. She would face the future and take whatever it threw at her. It was simply the 'right' thing to do.

She knew what to do. At least this time, it would be her choice. She loved John too. They'd grown very close. She would still let Savannah simmer on the back burner, in case she fell in combat. It could happen to Allison too. There was no way to know what would happen on an operation. There would still be someone for John who loved him. Cameron was right in creating a 'fail-safe'.

It was time for action.

Later in the evening:

"John, I want to 'be' with you."

"I can't. Not YET." John said.

"John…."

John started to sob.

"How could she do this to me? We finally shared everything. We were complete." John said.

"John, it would appear she is not coming back."

"But I WANT her too. I want HER back." John said. "I NEED her back."

"John, I don't want to lose you too. We can all go on stronger together. We both know what almost happened to you after SHE left."

"It was a moment of weakness. Just like THIS is." John said. "I can only take so much hurt and pain."

"John, let this be a moment of strength then. Let me be your drug. Addict yourself to me. Lose yourself in me so you may still exist and continue to go on. I have everything you want, I have everything you need. It is all for you."

John felt helpless. He needed to hang on to reality. This was an anchor to stop his fall. It was a hand which reached out to grab him, and keep him from slipping further. It was right there in front of him. Maybe it was time to accept reality, even though it didn't seem like reality. Life owed him more. He sacrificed enough already. He didn't just WANT more. He NEEDED more to go on. It was what Cameron wanted for him in her 'absence'.

John's head moved slowly forward, their lips touched. The kiss blossomed into one long, and deep. His hands enjoyed the soft firmness of her breasts. He was ready. He was definitely ready in more ways than one right now.

He couldn't explain what was happening. He didn't WANT to do it, but he could NOT stop. He was on top of her, even if it seemed she was on top of him. It was actually more like all 'around' him. Everything felt comforting to him. It was reassuring to him. It was very different from his past experiences. He hungrily took what he wanted. It was WRONG, but he needed comfort. It was as if everything he wanted was there, and it all happened as he wanted it to.

"John, take as much as you want. I am yours. Anytime, anywhere, I am yours. My body is your body, my body is for you."

John needed more. The more he took. The more he wanted. No. The more he NEEDED.

"John, it's what she wanted. THIS is what she wanted for you. Take more, take all of me. I MUST have more."

He felt enveloped with love and lust.

John was exhausted. He felt as if he'd expended himself five times. His rage, frustration, anger, hate, and love, all played out. They were all expended, as he was.

"John, I need more. I want more. You MUST give me MORE."

John lay there. He felt paralyzed both in mind and body. He'd wondered if he'd just betrayed Cameron. No. He'd done what Cameron wanted. It was what Cameron orchestrated. It was what Cameron put into play. He'd done what Cameron wanted for him. It was what he wanted too. It was what he needed.

Now, John too wanted MORE.

"John, I'll be back."

John felt very confused right now.

Closing monologue by Cameron:

More

When is more not more
It is when more is really less
As your heart is divided and split
It causes more heartache and stress

Each new one has less meaning
They stack upon each other
The special connection or feeling
Will be diluted and smother

To keep an endless search
Becomes more an act of greed
One needs to really think about
Lonely hearts left behind to bleed

Actions add up more and more
At some point they will need to atone
Life will catch up and soon
One will realize they're all alone

There's the one who got away
For you they did once care and adore
Lust for more drove them away
They are now there no more

Nobody